Before - Legends Attraction (Obi/Qui/OCs) - humor - thanks so much, everyone!

plea in the woman's eyes must have caught his attention. One hurried brush of his fingertips and she slumped forward, asleep. But as she started to slide down next to the first woman, for a second, Qui-Gon hesitated and then his lips touched hers. She let out a happy sigh.

Shaking my head, I tried not to roll my eyes. Qui-Gon Jinn, ladies' man. My friends back at the Temple would never believe this, even if I were going to tell them - which I was not because it's just too embarrassing

Qui-Gon the ladies man. Diane this wouldnt be a first hand account you witnessed or possibly dreamed up would it?

I agree the will of the Force! LOL. Good one, will that line work for me?

 

To be perfectly honest, sometimes his strange behavior actually worked out and it might have been the Force guiding him. Sometimes, the Council was wrong, much as I hated to admit it, and Qui-Gon Jinn's will of the Force was actually the right thing to do.

But kissing women was the will of the Force? Sure it was.

No, it wasn't. And when he had to explain this whole fiasco to the Jedi Council, there would be repercussions and long hours of arguments and he'd be on their Rogue List again.



Poor Obi-Wan. Pretty much describes Qui to a T.

 

Oh dear, that is so funny! *rofl* *gasp for breath*

It doesn't happen often but there are times when I question the Force. In most situations, it would give us guidance, send us a clear signal, a kind of warning that prepares us for what is to come. But, and it's a big but, there are other times when I swear the Force is laughing at us.

Like now.

Two wild-eyed women cut right across our path, blocking the way. And the Force had given us no hint of approaching doom, no sense of danger, nothing at all to tell us that our escape route had been cut off.

Laughing indeed.
I don't know which part was my favorite but this one was definitely great!

I tried to follow his example with my writhing, Master-fixated prisoner. Oh, not the kissing part since the woman was old enough to be my mother and the thought of kissing someone, anyone, would have sent me into hiding, but I shoved a sleep suggestion into her mind - and then another and then harder with another.
I also loved this one - poor Obi-Wan!

I'd forgotten our pilot was a woman.

Blast!
I think the next chapter will be fun - at least for the pilot!

 

"Irrational? Did you hear what they wanted to do with you? It was... "

"Inventive, I must admit."



And poor Obi-Wan will probably never get that out of his head!

At least they have now escaped the mob of women, though I can't wait to see what happens with the female pilot.

Great update

 

This was great! What a wonderful way to start a Monday morning! Obi-Wan's reaction to Qui-Gon's actions are so appropriate for a teenage boy! I am so continually amazed by your talents, Master. Great job and I can't wait for the conclusion!

 

Loved every word! Poor Obi-Wan! He's really getting caught up in this mess and he's not at ALL happy about it!

The other female, hair still matted in cake and sweetcream, latched onto my master and, grabbing his tunics, pulled him close and kissed him. It was a wild, passionate embrace - with groans from the woman. At least, I think it was the woman making noises although I couldn't be sure.

Master Qui-Gon stilled for a moment, not fighting to get away. Letting her kiss him. We were in the middle of a fight for our lives, well his life since, thankfully, the women seemed to be ignoring me, but he was just standing there. Not even trying to escape.

Getting kissed by a woman covered in dessert.


But the odd thing was that my old master seemed to be enjoying it. That couldn't be right, could it?

I tried to put that traitorous thought aside but it kept coming back, gnawing at me. In all the years I've known him, Qui-Gon has always been unfailingly polite and compassionate, sometimes too much so. He's never knowingly turned away from any lifeform, pathetic or otherwise, when they were in need of help.

Was this helping her, though? I couldn't see how it was. And I certainly don't remember anything in the Jedi Code about kissing.

I think even Jedi are allowed to enjoy a kiss or two!

 

It doesn't happen often but there are times when I question the Force. In most situations, it would give us guidance, send us a clear signal, a kind of warning that prepares us for what is to come. But, and it's a big but, there are other times when I swear the Force is laughing at us.
Like now.
Two wild-eyed women cut right across our path, blocking the way. And the Force had given us no hint of approaching doom, no sense of danger, nothing at all to tell us that our escape route had been cut off.
Laughing indeed.
and i'm laughing along with the Force

But the odd thing was that my old master seemed to be enjoying it. That couldn't be right, could it?
much to learn u still have, Obi

Shaking my head, I tried not to roll my eyes. Qui-Gon Jinn, ladies' man. My friends back at the Temple would never believe this, even if I were going to tell them - which I was not because it's just too embarrassing.
i'm sure Qui Gon would be the most popular master if this story got around the temple

There were several hysterical shouts and some quite anatomically-detailed pleas for attention from the mob. I knew I was blushing bright scarlet at the descriptions but I ignored them. Well, I tried to ignore them as I fled the kitchen.
Women could be really inventive, sometimes.
oh u have no idea, dear Obi Wan

"They... those women wanted...." I kept my eyes on the skies, focused on reaching our ship, but my master leaned back in his seat, clearly bewildered by the whole situation. I blurted out, "They were insane."
"They did seem irrational at times." Master of the understatement was Qui-Gon Jinn.
"Irrational? Did you hear what they wanted to do with you? It was... "
He sounded almost amused. "Inventive, I must admit."
My face must have been flooding scarlet again. I was certainly embarrassed and I had to admit a little curious as well. When I had the chance, I'd have to do some research on the holonet when I got back to the Temple. Alone, of course. I muttered, "Oh, so you heard that, too."
"Every word." His voice held an odd note, seemingly appalled but with just a touch of intrigue.
If I didn't know better, I would have said that maybe Qui-Gon would be doing some of his own research when we got back to the Temple. But I shoved that thought quickly out of my mind. It was just too disturbing.
try the holo novels Obi...i doubt ur gonna find the meaning of what the women were saying elsewhere


But I kept telling myself that I wasn't going ask him about the kissing part, wasn't going to say a word, wasn't going to... blast....
"We'd have been there already if... did you have to kiss them? It only slowed us down."
He said what he always says. "It was the will of the Force."
And there it was. The will of the Force.
Standing in front of the Council or getting berated by Master Yoda or arguing with the people we partnered with at times or his friends, his enemies, his Padawan. The will of the Force. He would do some reckless thing that made him look ridiculous or deranged and sometimes both and then he'd tell everyone the same thing. The will of the Force.
I tried not to roll my eyes. If he would only follow the Code more often, he'd be on the Council and then his Force-willing might not get him into trouble so much.


We were both standing there, staring at the exit when the pilot sprinted into the hatchway, calling out, "Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi, what happened?"
Before we could answer, she turned to Qui-Gon, sniffing at the air, taking a deep breath and then said softly, sensually, "Is there anything I can do?"
I'd forgotten our pilot was a woman.
Blast!
OMG that was just the icing on the cake

This was wonderfully funny, i loved it!

Cant wait to see what hapens when they get back to the temple...force help them if Qui Gon still ha

 

This was not good. They were eyeing him like he was a wrapped present and it was Life Day.



Behind me, I could hear the rasp of heavy breathing, chaotic snippets of conversation, mutters of wild desire and a few colorful descriptions of what the women would do once they caught my master. Normally, this type of talk would have made me blush or else sent me into the fresher for some alone time but this wasn't erotic. This was insane.



ROFL!

Diane, this is fabulous! You have succeeded on the slapstick. Poor Qui-Gon and what a bewildered Obi-Wan. This was a great way to finish off my day!

 

Absolutely hysterical

 

Diane, I love it when your 2 post stories turn into 4 posts! Much more to enjoy!

Obi-Wan's frustrations were hilarious! I loved how he is going to do some research when he gets back to the Temple. And Qui-Gon might be looking up a few things, as well.

No, it wasn't. And when he had to explain this whole fiasco to the Jedi Council, there would be repercussions and long hours of arguments and he'd be on their Rogue List again. I wonder if he ever gets off that list?

I'd forgotten our pilot was a woman. Uh oh! It's definitely not over yet!

Fantastic post!

 

Very funny! I laughed all the way through it! Thanks, cheers, and keep writing!

 

LOL, great! Just when they thought they got away.....

The food fight between the ladies and the droids was hysterical.

 

I'm going to update later today but I thought I'd get the replies in.

Musing ? LOL. Of course, I'd be among the female horde, trying to unwrap him as well? I'm so glad you are enjoying this. I just hope I can keep it up.

ratna ? LOL. The pilot will certainly try to keep the others out but will Qui-Gon succumb to her charms? You are right, though. He does now have a 'living library' in his grasp.

Thanks. I'm glad you liked the food fight. I was afraid it was a little over the top but this whole story is about being over the top so I guess it worked!

And LOL about the kiss and sleeping. I never knew that. It was just sheer silliness. The kiss will be important in the next post! Thanks so much for reading.

Magier ? It was the will of the Force? sure it was. Poor Obi-Wan. He's really in a pickle with this adventure. LOL on the pilot. She has a role to play in the next post. Thanks!

Layren ? I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm having a lot of fun writing something so silly for a change.

Valairy_Scot ? I hope you are breathing again. LOL. Just happy that it seems to be working. Humor is hard!

LuvEwan ? I think Obi's POV is the right way to go. He's such a young 16, wise in the Force but with such embarrassment about women. He'll learn! And besides, it's just so much fun to write about his thoughts.

Yes, the kisses will be important in the next post. LOL. Of course, Obi will be horrified. Glad you liked it. I'm having a lot of fun writing this.

obsessedwithSW ? I dreamed it! No, not really. Only in my daydreams? As for the will of the Force, in the SW universe, I bet that line would work! Thanks.

Leona ? Don't think too hard, dream instead? LOL. I loved writing about Qui-Gon getting into silly situations. It's a lot of fun. Qui-Gon should be able to get out of this, eventually. Thanks for reading.

Itachi-Uchiha ? LOL. It does indeed describe Qui to a T. He's always in trouble and sometimes it isn't even his fault. Thanks.

Fifilla ? the next chapter will be fun. You'll just have to see. Thanks.

KELIA ? Poor Obi-Wan will never be the same again. Poor kid is traumatized. LOL. The pilot will have her hands full. Thanks for reading.

jedidas3 ? Thanks, Padawan. I had a lot of fun writing a teenage boy, especially one who is just realizing that girls are exciting, mysterious creatures that he might want to know better. Thanks.

VaderLVR64- Poor Obi-Wan indeed. The kid just doesn't get a break! As for kissing, I'm sure that Qui-Gon does rather enjoy kissing. He just doesn't let Obi-Wan see that side of him? yet. Thanks.

Veloz ? I think the Force is laughing at them at the moment. As for Qui-Gon being popular, I would bet he would be. And I'm not sure that the story won't make the rounds of the Temple, Obi-Wan's embarrassment withstanding.
Glad you enjoyed it so much. You'll find out more in the next post. Thanks for reading.

DarkAnakinfan ? I'm glad the slapstick came through. Poor Qui, poor Obi. The next post won't be so slapstick. I have to start tying up the story and there is a darker side to it. Thanks.

Kitara ? glad I could give you a laugh!

kma ? I was certain it would be only 2 posts. Now, it's going to be 6 and I'm not sure that will be the end of it. LOL on Obi doing research. I could just see him sneaking into the Archives and Jocasta finding him looking up?. stuff.

As for Qui-Gon getting off the Rogue List ? never. Thanks!

JazzFox ? Glad I could give you a laugh. Thanks for reading.

snowspeeder_gunner ? LOL. Yes, just when they thought they'd gotten away ? LOL. Thanks. I'm glad the food fight worked. I wasn't sure that SW would have that kind of thing. Thanks for reading.

 

Loved the droids trying to hold the women back. Those droids don?t stand a chance!

Obi-Wan's squeamishness coupled with intrigue is so spot on for his age.

And the pilot! Oh, my dear Living Force, what have you gotten Qui-Gon into now? Out of the frying pan . . .

::boggles at Ratna:: She knows Sir Gawain! ::confesses to an insane love for that particular piece of lit::

 

Ara-gon - LOL. The droids really didn't have a prayer of keeping determined women at bay. As for the pilot, she might want to be around Qui-Gon. He's just so darned attractive. LOL.

---

I expected to be finished with this story by now. The best plans... etc. However, I'm going on vacation for a week and then on to Dragoncon so I don't know when I'll be able to update. Enjoy.[hr]

Captain Maeva Antilles, had always been strictly business, a no-nonsense, brusque woman, with little time for polite small-talk. But she'd also been friendly in a distant, working sort of way. I just didn't want her getting any more friendly, especially with him.

I moved in front of Master Qui-Gon, hoping to keep her from trying to attack him. She towered over me, her body whipcord thin but I figured I could take her on if necessary. I was Force-strong, after all, and she was not.

Eyes narrowed, she glared at me, sizing me up for a moment, and then her gaze fell on Qui-Gon. As she slinked toward us both, voice throaty with desire, she said, "Qui-Gon, could I speak with you?" Her smile was full of promise. "Privately?"

As I attempted to block her, hoping to deflect any unnatural advances from the woman, I was stunned when Master Qui-Gon gripped my shoulder and pushed me to one side. "Padawan, go up to the cockpit and see what the others are doing outside. We wouldn't want them to get hurt."

My shock deepened when, unbelievably, he said, "I'll be... unavailable for a time. Captain Antilles and I have business to conduct."

I looked up in horror. He wasn't going to accept her invitation, was he? After all we'd be through?

Had he lost his mind?

But before I could protest, he stepped past me, his eyes flicking to mine and sending me a look that I knew meant I'd better obey him or else the consequences wouldn't be good. As I stood there, mouth gaping open, his hand reached for the woman and they walked away toward her cabin. Her body was practically molded to his and I swear she was giggling.

From over his shoulder, he said, "Padawan, now."

I was still in shock as he disappeared into her quarters and shut the door. I couldn't believe it.

Stunned, annoyed and thoroughly disgusted with the whole affair, I turned away and stomped to the cockpit. After all, we'd just battled insane women of all shapes and sizes and now he was off doing who-knows-what with Captain Antilles. It didn't make sense.

I flipped switches on the control console, little sharp snapping noises that matched my temper. I knew I should calm down but it almost felt good to take out my frustration on the equipment.

I didn't want to think about it any more. Instead I was going to do what he told me - try and see what was going on outside. It was certainly better than imagining what Master and our pilot were up to at the moment.

Not thinking about it, definitely not.

I finally found the right switch and turned it on. In the viewscreen, I could see a dozen speeders parked next to the ship and at least that many women prowling around the edge of the forcefield. They seemed intent on breaching our defenses but without success, thankfully.

At least, the sound of pounding on the hatch had stopped.

I stared out into the night, trying to get some idea about what to do next. Returning to Coruscant seemed like a failure of our mission and yet we couldn't go back to the Prime Minister's house. It was just too dangerous for Master Qui-Gon with all those crazy females after him.

Focused on what the women were doing outside, at first I didn't hear the muffled noises inside the ship. But then, when I realized that the sounds were coming from the pilot's cabin, I tried to block them out. I really didn't want to know what was going on in there. But the more I ignored the noises, the louder they got until finally, abruptly, the sounds stopped.

How could he do this? First those women and now Captain Antilles....

I couldn't take it. I'd had all the requisite education courses but I never thought I'd need them around my old, se

 

"What do we do?"

"Patience, Obi-Wan. The Force will guide us."

Sure it will. Personally, I think the Force was laughing at us again. But I kept silent. We had enough problems.



"Erelia, I could overlook the piles of burnt and discarded food stuffs from your pastry experiments and the obscure, exotic, expensive herbs that you use for flavorings. I can even overlook the wild parties that you and your friends have and the hordes of men that tramp through here dazed and happy.




"He has to kiss them.... on the lips."

Every woman on the planet???

Hope he brought some chapstick...

 

"The way things are now, we can't go back to the Temple, anyway, Master. Your...ummm condition... " I hesitated.

This image had me laughing for quite a while. I can imagine all the female Jedi coming after Qui-Gon, perhaps Yoda and Mace evn getting trampled trying to talk sense into them.

He gave me his typical non-useful response. "Patience, Obi-Wan. The Force will guide us."

That doesn't help when you think the Force is having a good laugh at your expense.

"He has to kiss them.... on the lips."

Poor Obi-Wan is going to crawl into a shell and need a mind-healer by the time this mission is over with. If the idea of his master kissing two women makes his skin crawl, the idea of him kissing the whole lot of them will be too much. She wouldn't be tricking them, would she? Hmmm, then I have to wonder if Qui-Gon would survive wading into the mob to kiss them.

 

He paused for breath and then turned aside, speaking to someone just out of vid-range. "Mother, I'm talking to him at the moment. Stop crying, will you?"
Oh my god, that was absolutely the best line!

I literally laughed tears while reading this chapter!
That is the funniest story I've ever read - great job, dianethx!

 

He gave me his typical non-useful response. "Patience, Obi-Wan. The Force will guide us."

Sure it will. Personally, I think the Force was laughing at us again. But I kept silent. We had enough problems.

This is so funny! I can see Obi-Wan now...

She smiled at Qui-Gon, her face triumphant and then she said eight little words, eight little words that convinced me that the Force was indeed laughing at us all.

"He has to kiss them.... on the lips."

I'm not sure who I should feel sorrier for...Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan! I wonder how they are going to report this to the Council!

Wonderful job, Master! I can't wait for the next part!

 

He has to kiss them...on the lips.

The line forms behind me.

"Mother, I'm talking to him at the moment. Stop crying, will you?"

Master Qui-Gon and I exchanged looks. This was not good.

"Half of my cabinet, my daughters and my mother of all people," he sounded almost embarrassed, "are demanding that you return. The men are calling for blood and the women are... well, let's just say that they are getting more descriptive by the minute," he flushed a deeper purple, "including my eighty year-old mother. I didn't know she even knew about that sort of thing."

Loved it!

 

Qui-Gon isn't safe anywhere and poor Obi-Wan might not survive all this.

LOL on Obi doing research. I could just see him sneaking into the Archives and Jocasta finding him looking up?. stuff.
A follow-up story?

Lady Erelia is quite the handful! If she upped the dose that much, will just a kiss on the lips be enough to solve the problem?

Looking forward to the next post.

 

It was at that moment when a horrible thought crossed my mind, shaking me to the core. What if Master Qui-Gon was becoming as crazy as the women? What if he'd fallen under the spell of whatever was turning normal females into rabid, lust-filled demons and he didn't know it? Would he start kissing everyone in sight? Start doing things he shouldn't?
And if he was susceptible, was I far behind?
I was utterly appalled at the idea.
Breaking into a cold sweat, I shivered with the possibilities. Muttering under my breath, I was growing more and more worried as improper, arousing images of women surrounding me and demanding things kept pushing into my mind.
Was I going mad? Was I losing what little control I had over my own body? Was I going to end up like my master, kissing every female within reach?
I kept trying to talk myself out of the overwhelming, depressing and inevitable conclusion that I was headed straight to the Dark Side, that I would be kicked out of the Order for turning into a depraved, sick padawan or worse that maybe I'd wander through star systems having strange women following me and laughing when I tried to kiss them.
omg poor Obi Wan

"Half of my cabinet, my daughters and my mother of all people," he sounded almost embarrassed, "are demanding that you return. The men are calling for blood and the women are... well, let's just say that they are getting more descriptive by the minute," he flushed a deeper purple, "including my eighty year-old mother. I didn't know she even knew about that sort of thing."
Oh dear, even the 80 year old mom?!

When I got back to the Temple, I swear I was going to have to scrub my brain clean.
Have the padawan's mind wiped

"He has to kiss them.... on the lips."
pucker up Qui Gon, u have a lot of kissing to do

Wonderful chapter as usual, i seriously couldnt stop laughing reading thru it...great job! and thanks a lot for the pm ... i look forward to the next update, cant wait to read how Qui Gon gets out of this mess

 

[FACE_laugh]

Oh Force, this story just gets better and better!!

I don't know who to feel more sorry for poor unsuspecting Qui for having the horde of women afer him, poor Obi for all the distrubing thoughts now circulating in his mind or the poor PM for having all the women in his family crazed for Qui, including his 88 year old mother!

I have a feeling Erelia is in for quite the punishment.

Was I going to end up like my master, kissing every female within reach?

Works for me

Great update

 

Yeah, the question is just how many women are going to get in line a second time for a kiss.