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Before - Legends Aubade - Poem - Ulic Qel-Droma, Vima Sunrider (Based on Redemption) WFFA Best Poem - Thanks guys!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Tahi, Nov 30, 2005.

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  1. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Kia Ora and thanks for clicking. :)

    Title: Aubade
    Author: Tahi
    Genre: Poem
    Characters: Ulic Qel Droma, Vima Sunrider
    Setting: The poem is about the events in Redemption

    Notes: I've been wanting to sit down and write this for a while and finally made myself do it. It still needs a bit of adjustment, so critique is very welcome. There are a few bits I'm not happy with, but sometimes I find that posting helps the process of editing. LOL

    So here it is.

    *********

    Aubade

    I never thought I could fall this far,
    never guessed how cold it would be
    when I hit rock bottom, how the dark
    could smother with such intensity
    that to pry away each blanket thread
    would sap me, bleed me wan,
    leech what little energy remains
    in this hollow shell I have become.
    Once ignited by the living spark
    that fuses all within the Force,
    I am the outcast, the blind man,
    stripped and stumbling the frozen wastes
    of Rhen Var, blighted by ambition,
    tormented by memories of the dead
    their fire stilled by my own hand.

    In this land of light
    I am the paradox
    living in the shades.
    Cheerless, friendless,
    there is no respite
    for me, except to say
    I understand the frigid horizon
    slashed and tortured by pinnacles
    and gleaming crystal towers of ice
    that can only reflect the warmth.
    The planet turns, ticking time
    through endless day and night,
    blazing its silent circuit
    around a lonely star.

    Then she came riding the sun
    like the dawn, painting the sky pink
    and purple in profusion, a palette
    familiar but forgotten to me,
    forsaken by my fall from grace.
    Shameless she came, unrepentant,
    provocative, but with a heart so pure,
    to cleanse the scales from my eyes.
    And suddenly I saw it all, remembered
    everything, and for one brief glorious moment
    I touched infinity and lived again. I was . . .
    I am . . . redeemed.

    ~Tahi~
     
  2. JediAlly

    JediAlly Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 31, 2000
    Quite an appropriate poem to read aloud when Ulic's body vanished after dying at the end of the comic.
     
  3. Ceethreepio

    Ceethreepio Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 4, 2003
    Wow that was indeed very good it was as if I was right there with him.
     
  4. Thrawn McEwok

    Thrawn McEwok Co-Author: Essential Guide to Warfare star 6 VIP

    Registered:
    May 9, 2000
    Tahi: :eek: That was something unexpected... but rather beautiful, as well...

    My thoughts still aren't sorted out in order yet - I suspect there's a lot more to enjoy, but I liked the especially contrast you drew between Irek's bleakness, and the very different bleakness of his world of exile - dark and light, I suppose, or at least bright and shadow, with no companionship in either. I guess you could say something about exile, or the Jedi in general, here...

    The sketch of Vima was great as well, in terms of the structure of the poem, the meaning it conveys, and in itself - you captured her perfectly with the provocative-but-pure bit! :D

    Humanity overcomes philosophy? :)

    Great poem!

    - The Imperial Ewok
     
  5. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    JA
    Fancy meeting you here. LOL You're right about the timing of the poem. I was trying to capture the mood at the end of that book - one of my favourite graphic novels actually. :)

    Thanks for reading.

    Ceethreepio
    Hi - lovely to meet a new reader.  Thnaks for the feedback. It's good to know the poe had that sense of immediacy.

    Thrawn
    Tahi: That was something unexpected...
    LOL I love the story of Ulic - but yes I guess it is a slight change from the NJO.

    but rather beautiful, as well...
    Thanks. :)

    My thoughts still aren't sorted out in order yet - I suspect there's a lot more to enjoy
    Dunno - it's a bit briefer than most of my poems, and as I said, it's still a bit rough in places.

    I'm glad you liked the contrasts as that was what I wanted to come through. The intense light accentuated the shades, but the world was kind of numb like Ulic.

    The sketch of Vima was great as well, in terms of the structure of the poem, the meaning it conveys, and in itself - you captured her perfectly with the provocative-but-pure bit!
    Yep - one of the things I like about that book is Vima's cheek and recklessness. She reminds me a bit of young Anakin (both Skywalker and Solo). Or maybe she's just a typical teen.

    Humanity overcomes philosophy?
    That's it in a nutshell. :)

    Merci beaucoup. ;)

     
  6. YodaKenobi

    YodaKenobi VIP star 6 VIP

    Registered:
    May 27, 2003
    Beautiful, Tahi! :) Such great writing and I loved the way the whole thing flowed. You have a knack for being able to tell stories with your poetry and still communicate the deep feelings in it all. This was a great way to tell the story of Ulic's redemption :D I particularly liked the descriptions of Vima coming to help him, and "cleansing the scales from his eyes."

    Absolutely wonderful :D And a surprising and original subject matter :)
     
  7. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Community Squirrel Whisperer star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    YodaKenobi is right. There's a whole story in that poem. And it is beautifully written as well.
     
  8. Nienna_Narmolanya

    Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 5, 2005
    Beautiful! =D= Your use of words was astouding and powerful. Haunting, provacative, and...beautiful!

    I especially liked this part:

    The planet turns, ticking time
    through endless day and night,
    blazing its silent circuit
    around a lonely star.


    Very vivid imagery there. :) And the end made me want to cry! Excellent work!
     
  9. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Thanks so much, guys. It's a bit late here, so I'll post a proper reply tomorrow. But thanks so much for R&Ring. :)
     
  10. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Yoda
    Thanks. :)

    I knew when I first started to think about the poem that I wanted to use some kind of dawn metaphor to show that Ulic's redemption is the beginning of a "new dawn/new phase" for him, and gradually the poem grew from that. The cleansing of the "scales from the eyes" just seemed to relate somehow - there are always lots of parallels to be made with Christian doctrine in SW. :)

    And a surprising and original subject matter
    I wish I had more time to read sme of the earlier material actually. The Sith Wars period is great.

    Healer_Leona 

    Thanks. :)

    And it is beautifully written as well.
    Thanks again - much appreciated. :)

    Nienna_Narmolanya
    Hi :) It's always lovely to meet a new TFNer.  
    Thanks so much for the feedback - really appreciate your comments.

    And the end made me want to cry!
    Well - it's a moving story. I have to admit that the book always raises a tear for me. Some of those trade paperbacks are very well done.

    It's nice to hear that the poem did have a strong emotional effect though, as that's what it was meant to do. However, one never knows if a poem will work or not until people react to it. :)

    Thanks again for reading. :)

     
  11. Kerensa

    Kerensa Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jan 21, 2004
    Poor Ulic - so sad. But good that he had a good end.
     
  12. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Yep. Glad he did get a chance to redeem himself. :)

    Happy New Year everyone.
     
  13. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    One of my friends has done some cover-art for this poem. It's rather beautiful as she has captured the sadness in Ulic's face so well. It's [link=http://www.wookieehut.com/art/qeldroma.html]here[/link].

     
  14. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Thanks so much or the nominations, guys. :) Much appreciated.
     
  15. obi_webb

    obi_webb Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2005
    i clicked on this after you won best poem for it and am quite impressed! very nice work!=D=
     
  16. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Thanks, obi-webb. :) Very kind of you - and I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. Poetry should be enjoyed methinks. ;)
     
  17. The_TRUE_Emperor

    The_TRUE_Emperor Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Feb 2, 2006
    yowza, this was good! I'm a great fan of the Qel-Droma drama (hmmmm) and you convey it nicely.

    Super job:)
     
  18. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    [bows appropriately]
    Hi there True_Emperor. :) Thanks for the feedback. Yes, I really love Ulic's story, too. It's been a favourite for a long time. I appreciate you reading and dropping in. :)
     
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