Story [Avatar: The Last Airbender] The Source of Happiness (Pakku Oneshot for the Jane Austen Challenge)

Title: The Source of Happiness

Author: devilinthedetails

Genre: Drama; Angst; Hurt/Comfort; Family; Romance.

Characters: Pakku; Kanna; OC.

Summary: At the Spirit Oasis, a young Pakku reflects on love and loss.

Author’s Note: Written for the Jane Austen Challenge. Thanks to @Mira_Jade for the inspiration. I claim no credit for the Jane Austen quote at the beginning of the fic.

The Source of Happiness

“Know your own happiness. You want nothing but patience; or give it a more fascinating name: call it hope.”--Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

Pakku knelt on soft grass–green as seaweed–that surrounded the Oasis. The only place in the North Pole warm enough, by the grace of the spirits, for grass to grow. The only reason he knew what grass looked like. Smelled like. Felt like beneath his fur-covered knees as he sought the wisdom and solace of Tui and La.

Stared into the serene surface of the pool. Watched the two spirits his tribe honored the most swim around each other in an endless circle. One koi fish milky-white as the moon save for the black dot on its scaly head. The other koi its balancing, cosmic opposite. Dark as the hidden depths of the ocean where even the sun couldn’t penetrate. Except for the spot, white as seafoam, on its head.

Tui and La would never cease dancing together. Could never cease dancing together. Not while there was a moon cycling through the sky. Not while there were oceans with shifting tides and foam-flecked waves. Tui and La were the spirits of the always-changing moon and ocean. His waterbending master had taught him that long ago. When he had first learned to meditate in this holy place. To calm and center himself to better draw on his power: the life-giving one of water.

He was alone in this sacred space tonight. Most of his tribe was celebrating the marriage of his best friend Ukiuk to Yuka. Yuka was beautiful, Pakka thought, but her beauty could never hold a flickering whale-oil lantern to Kanna’s.

Kanna. She was clever, strong, and more beautiful than the starlit sky. Kanna. Whom he had been betrothed to, crafting for her a necklace meant to bind them like Tui and La for all the days and nights of their marriage. Kanna, whom he had loved and lost when she sailed away one winter’s night on a small ship with only a sack of clothes and supplies to last her to wherever in the wide world she was going. Kanna who was now so far away from him. More unreachable than the silver constellations sparkling in the midnight sky.

He tried to think about Kanna–gone to him for a year now–very often. Whenever he remembered her, he knew he got a faraway sheen in his pale blue eyes.

One that caused his friends to tease him with jaunty mercilessness as they sipped steaming bowls of octopus soup after an exhausting day’s waterbending training.

One that made his waterbending master cuff his ears and scold him for mooning after a girl–any girl–if such a distant expression drifted over his face during duels or drills because distractions could kill a bender on the ocean or on the hunt.

One that prompted his father to hint with all the sensitivity of a spear jab to the heart that it was past time he was betrothed again. That his marriage should be arranged before his hair started to gray though Pakku dared to hope he had decades before that began to happen.

It was throat-tighteningly hard not to think about Kanna at weddings where his friends partnered for life, and he felt increasingly left behind.

The Oasis was empty now, but earlier it had been crowded with people arrayed in their festive finest. The entire tribe had assembled to watch Ukiuk and Yuka bow before the spirit pool. Place their offerings of ocean salt and seaweed along its grassy bank.

Everyone–some with tears glistening in their eyes or hastily wiped from their cheeks–had come to see the couple exchange their vows and seal their marriage with a kiss on the arching bridge. Hear the chief solemnly bless and pronounce the words that proclaimed them as man and wife before the tribe. Before Tui and La.

After the ceremony, they trickled en masse out of the Oasis. Packed into the banquet hall where they feasted on giant sea crab cakes, platypus bear, and five-flavor soup with lemongrass tea and taro mooncakes as extravagant, fragrant desserts. Where most were still dancing to a million love songs.

Love songs that had sounded mournful as the cry of a beached whale or the scream of a puffin seal separated from its mother in Pakku’s ears. Songs that seemed to him the saddest ever written. Ever played. Ever sang.

Songs that made him remember Kanna. That flooded his mind with a thousand memories and images of her the way a rogue wave on an otherwise placid ocean could swallow a ship if no bender was around to redirect its sudden, cresting fury. Caused him to recall how they had walked through city parks, his elbow tucked in hers to better escort her. How they had sat, side by side, on ice benches and admired the totem snow sculptures carved by the tribe’s great artists.

How they had visited the markets thronging with fishermen hawking their fresh catches, and he had bought her fried fish balls on a stick because she had looked hungry, gazing wide-eyed at the wares.

How they had talked about their families and friends as they floated through the city canals on a two-person canoe, him smoothly steering it with his deft waterbending.

So, because the memories washing over him were so painful, he had fled to the tranquility of the Oasis, where he could be alone with his grief and lost love. Only he didn’t appear to be alone anymore.

He heard the rustlings of footsteps in the grass. Craned his neck around and realized it was his mother who was approaching him.

She reached the pool. Knelt beside him. Cradled him in her arms. Crooning to him as if he were a child to be soothed with a lullaby after awakening from a nightmare.

“You must know and find your own happiness, my son,” she murmured into the shell of his eear. Her voice like music. Like gentle waves lapping and licking at an icy shore.

“I’ve known and found my happiness.” Pakku shook his head. Snorted. “My sorrow is that I have lost it. That it left me when Kanna sailed away.”

“Nonsense.” His mother clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth in a chiding noise. “Your happiness must come from within you, not from outside of you. It must stem from yourself, not be rooted in someone else. You must find your own source of pleasure. Not rely on somebody else to be the fount of it in your life.”

“But love is happiness, isn’t it?” Pakku gaped at his mother. Adrift on an ocean of emotion he would never be able to understand. That would be forever unfathomable to him.

“Love is a type of happiness.” His mother kissed his head as he had done when he was a little boy begging for seaweed cookies. “It is not the only type of happiness there is. Nor is romantic love the only sort of love there is. There is love of family. Of friends. Of a mentor. Of a tribe and home. All these can be as strong or stronger than romantic love.”

“Love is a happiness found in other people.” Pakku sighed. Convinced he was winning his argument, and feeling his stomach clench as if he had lost it. “Not in oneself.”

“Love is wanting and willing another’s happiness more than you want and will your own joy.” His mother’s fingers stroked through his hair.

“Do you think–” Pakku fought to keep his tone from breaking like waves against a ship’s hull– “Kanna is happy somewhere in the world? Away from our tribe?”

“I don’t know.” His mother’s fingers hesitated. Then resumed combing his hair. “You can certainly pray to Tui and La that she is.”

Pakku bit his lip, tasting the iron tang of blood, before he asked in a voice cracked as a fractured bone, “Do you think she will ever love me? That she will ever return to the tribe?”

“She might. It is impossible for me–for any of us–to know.” His mother patted his shoulder. “You must be patient in all things, but especially matters of love. If you are patient, love and happiness will come to you surely as a new moon will rise in the sky every month.”

“Patience.” Pakku rolled his eyes derisively. Ever since he learned to talk, his mother had been advising patience. Sometimes reinforcing the lesson with admonitory raps of her wooden spoon on his knuckles when his impatience drove him to steal steamed shrimp and kelp dumplings that were too hot for eating. So hot they burned his thieving fingers and scorched his tongue when he shoved them into his mouth. Plumpening his cheeks like pillows. “You are always acting as if patience is the cure to everything.”

“Because it is.” His mother glared at him as if she wished she had a wooden spoon on hand to hit him with so his impudence would not go unpunished.

“My father will not be patient.” Pakku’s lips twitched. He felt bitter as vinegar. “He will want me to be betrothed again soon.”

“I will tell him that he must be patient with you.” His mother smiled at him. Sweet as taro mooncakes at a wedding feast. “You know that’s what I always advise. Patience and hope.”

 

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha As always, thank you so much for reading and commenting! I'm so glad that you thought the setting was gorgeous, since I always love writing about the beautiful tranquility of the Spirit Oasis and exploring all the wonderful aspects of the Northern Water tribe's city.

I wanted to try to capture that bittersweet aspect of Pakku loving and losing Kanna, so it is nice to hear that you felt I conveyed that bittersweetness so effectively. His mother's comforting wisdom warmed my heart, and you are totally right that she speaks truth it will take some time for him to absorb and apply. And I do like to imagine a happily ever after for Pakku! I think that like his mother says with hope and patience, love ultimately comes. Maybe not always in the way we expect but still it comes

 

@earlybird-obi-wan Thank you so much for reading and commenting! My heart did break for poor Pakku writing this. It can be hard to feel alone with one's memories in a beautiful place and to feel sad when surrounded by revelry as he experiences in this fic, but I am glad that his mother sought him out to comfort him and to provide him with some truly great advice as mothers are known for doing

 

@amidalachick As always, thank you so much for reading and commenting on my work! I'm so flattered that you thought this was gorgeously written and a wonderful way to use my quote since I wanted to do the lovely challenge and Jane Austen herself justice as best I could.

I always enjoy trying to create vivid descriptions as I write (it helps me feel immersed in the story), and I'm so happy that you felt I could bring the setting of the Northern Water Tribe to life. Avatar: The Last Airbender has so many amazing settings that it is a true joy for me to write about them and explore them in more depth through fanfic.

My heart did break for poor Pakku as I wrote that bit. I suffer from anxiety so I admit that I sort of drew on my own experience for that "throat-tighteningly hard" feeling he got. It definitely isn't a pleasant sensation, but I am glad that I could evoke the emotion in a realistic and hopefully empathetic way.

And I was definitely piling the angst on for Pakku in this oneshot. I think one of the worst and most pervasive aspects of sadness is that it can sometimes end up making things that should be happy (like love songs) sound depressing or mournful instead. Our moods can shape so much of how we experience art and song. And I couldn't resist making connections to the Water Tribe's environment with the comparisons to the ocean animal sounds that I imagine Pakku would be familiar with hearing. I am so happy to hear that you feel those details help make my stories feel rich and real since that is what I am always hoping to achieve with them!

The line from Pakku's mother that you quoted totally warmed my heart and spirit as I wrote it so it means so much to know that you thought it was beautiful. And I wanted to capture some of that comforting, peaceful, and downright soothing aspect of the ocean and waves with that description so it is wonderful to know it was a highlight for you. Yay!

I think sometimes (especially when people are caught up in a romantic heartbreak) to think of romantic love as the only type of love. So I wanted to showcase the value of other types of love (like between family and friends) with the wisdom of Pakku's mother who can make it clear how much she loves and supports him. It is awesome to hear that her words resonated with you and that you felt she was such a powerful example of that truth!

And I am so thrilled that you loved the ending! I really wanted to conclude on an affirmation of hope, patience, and love

@Emperor Ferus Thank you so much for reading and commenting on my story, my friend

I agree that Pakku's and Kanna's generation can get underexplored so it was a treat for me to be able to write this piece focusing on a younger Pakku and on the culture of the Northern Water Tribe at this time. I found it interesting to think about how Pakku would have dealt with Kanna's departure. I've always believed that he did genuinely love her, which is why he recognized the necklace 60 years later. And he does eventually get his happily ever after with Kanna too. So I like to think of it as a true love despite the long period of separation.

Imagining what Pakku's family might have been like for this fic was fascinating for me. In particular, I really enjoyed being able to make his mother shine as a woman of great love, hope, patience, and wisdom here. I definitely think she has some profound and moving lessons to teach about happiness and love both to her son and hopefully to readers as well (and even to myself as I was writing this story!).

And Pakku's patience and hope will indeed pay off for him in the end when he finds his happiness and love with Kanna which I think really shows the importance of never giving up hope no matter how much time passes.

 

First of all, I have to apologize for being so late here with my feedback! I have been terribly remiss, but I aim to fix that now . . .

This was a fantastic detail - and one I never considered before, despite it being fairly obvious when you stop and think about it. This is truly an oasis in more ways than one.

I approve of the irony in this foreshadowing.

This is a wonderful bit of world building!

I LOVE your prose here!

This really struck me as poignant. We understand why Kanna left, even if Pakku doesn't yet. We know that she does find happiness and love with Hakoda's father, too, and yet there is still something between them that survives decades later.

So much fantastic imagery! I loved imagining all of this! And your OC for Pakku's mother is one awesome lady.

Patience and hope - Jane Austen is certainly an author who'd echo those words of wisdom. She'd also more than approve of a hero being worthy of his lady only after his character improves for the better, which we know is ahead for Pakku - and Kanna, too!


Thank you so much for sharing this lovely response to the challenge!

 

@Mira_Jade Thank you so much for reading and commenting, and don't worry, there is no such thing as being too late with reading or commenting! Also, a big thank you for the beautiful Jane Austen quote that inspired this story that I never would have wrote or imagined otherwise

I've always loved the Spirit Oasis the Northern Water Tribe has, but I must admit that I never thought about the fact that it would be the only experience of grass that someone in the Northern Water Tribe would be likely to have until I wrote this scene from Pakku's perspective. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks, "Oh, yeah, this would be the only way Pakku would know what grass feels like or smells like. Wow!" So that really emphasized yet again for me just how special and sacred this spot is. Particularly to the people of the Northern Water Tribe. it really is their most holy ground.

Haha, I just couldn't resist having some fun with irony and foreshadowing there at the expense of Pakku's gray hairs

I really enjoyed being able to develop some customs of the Northern Water Tribe for this story, and I am so delighted that you loved the worldbuilding detail of the entire tribe watching the married couple make their offerings of ocean salt and seaweed at the Spirit Oasis. Marriage traditions can be so beautiful in any culture and country so it was lovely for me to imagine what some Northern Water Tribe customs might be like!

The imagery of the passage with the comparison to a rogue wave in a placid ocean was one of my favorite descriptive bits in this piece so I am thrilled to hear it stood out for you!

That dialogue with Pakku and his mother about Kanna finding happiness was definitely very poignant for me to write. You are right that while the reader understands that Kanna left to find her independence and freedom, Pakku isn't yet at a place that he can comprehend that. So all he can do like his mother suggests is pray that she does find her happiness out in the world. And we know that she does find happiness with Hakoda's father, and with raising Hakoda and then her beloved grandchildren. But that doesn't preclude her from also finding love and happiness when she and Pakku reunite decades later. So there is a spark between them that can be reignited, and there is a happiness that Kanna can find away from the Northern Water Tribe but ultimately with Pakku. Life for Kanna and Pakku has so many twists and turns that they could never predict them all!

Oh, thank you! I really enjoyed the opportunity to flesh out Northern Water Tribe culture and cuisine in this piece! And the chance to create an awesome lady in the tradition of wise and strong Water Tribe women to be Pakku's mother was one I couldn't resist! I do hope I can write more stories that include her one day because she was such a delight to write and I imagine her as a loving mother who is totally capable of putting Pakku in his place when needed

I so much loved the vibe of patience and hope I got from my assigned quote, so I very much wanted those virtues to be ones Pakku's mother would impress upon him at the end of the story. Jane Austen is definitely an author full of wisdom and truth, and you are so right that she would love the idea of a hero like Pakku only being worthy of his lady Kanna only after his character has improved and he has had a chance to learn some very important lessons. It was truly a joy to write this piece in the spirit of Jane Austen and I am so thrilled that you found this to be a lovely response to your challenge