main
side
curve
  1. Welcome to the new boards! Details here!

Beyond - Legends Away from the sun - Tahiri poem (LotF)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Tahi, Mar 20, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Title: Away from the sun
    Author: Tahi
    Character: Tahiri (LotF era)

    A/N: This is based loosely on the 3 Doors Down song "Away from the sun", and focuses on the Tahiri of the LotF series. I guess you could say that this poem is my effort to try and make sense of her.


    Away from the sun


    She can't remember
    when things got so messy
    or why nothing is
    in the right place anymore
    even when she tries to fix the layout
    in her head
    it shifts
    things sidle into corners
    become upturned
    for no apparent reason.

    In the absence of light
    nothing is constant
    nothing looks the same
    from one day to the next
    and yet strangely
    everything looks the same.

    If only she could fix the blinds
    then maybe things wouldn't look so
    distorted; it's all stripes and jumbled
    patterns and no nice clear lines
    marking the juxtaposition
    of light with dark
    marking the differentiation
    of one thing from the next
    marking the negotiation
    between day
    and night

    But now there's no consensus
    no mediators.

    It never used to be like this
    . . . did it? If she closes her eyes
    she's sure she can see a time
    when there was a clear line
    drawn in the sand
    when a child grew golden
    in the light of twin suns
    unafraid of their harsh gaze
    the cruel lick of their rays
    tongues of fire on soft flesh.

    She thinks she can remember
    when the light was so keen
    it sliced her world into chunks
    so geometric, so neat, so clean

    so clean . . .

    Now she notices the dust
    and how the slats of the blinds
    make things look shifty

    and she wishes she could remember
    really remember
    how things used to be.

    ~Tahi~
     
  2. tahiriveilax

    tahiriveilax Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 31, 2008
    What a fantastic poem! =D=

    Tahiri, what a poor girl.

    Great poem!:)
     
  3. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Absolutely beautiful!

    If only she could fix the blinds
    then maybe things wouldn't look so
    distorted; it's all stripes and jumbled
    patterns and no nice clear lines
    marking the juxtaposition
    of light with dark
    marking the differentiation
    of one thing from the next
    marking the negotiation
    between day
    and night


    =D= =D=
     
  4. Darthrevan4ever

    Darthrevan4ever Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    May 3, 2008
  5. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 11, 2005
    This was really touching in a sad way, Tahi. Your beautiful use of language to show Tahiri's confusion was well done.

    when a child grew golden
    in the light of twin suns
    unafraid of their harsh gaze
    the cruel lick of their rays
    tongues of fire on soft flesh.


    I was struck by this passage. It's so descriptive and well written.

    I hope that Tahiri will be able shrug off the tattered, scattered light to find her way back to full light of the sun.
     
  6. Knight_Aragorn

    Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2003
    Oh, I love this! :D Not only is it a fantastic poem, but it also captures Tahiri perfectly. The imagery -- the confusion now, contrasted with the clarity of before -- is extremely powerful, as is the emotional context. You can see how Tahiri's so lost, to the point she can't even remember where things became so clouded, or how it truly felt not to be adrift.

    Amazing work yet again! =D=
     
  7. Thrawn McEwok

    Thrawn McEwok Co-Author: Essential Guide to Warfare star 6 VIP

    Registered:
    May 9, 2000
    Beautiful, and brilliant! There's so much light in that poem, and so much unsaid as well (shadows?)...

    She can't remember
    when things got so messy
    or why nothing is
    in the right place anymore
    even when she tries to fix the layout
    in her head
    it shifts
    things sidle into corners
    become upturned
    for no apparent reason.


    This introduces us to the character, and the problem. The overall focus is on the slippery metaphor between psyche and place - the sense of her head as a room, which, in itself, is quite jarring - an empty space, with things in it that other people rearrange; but look at it a little longer, like contemplating an artwork, and you see a new shape, a different slant of meaning; which is when lines like "She can't remember" and "in her head" acquire a new meaning when treated as discrete items... which reminds me a little bit, of the way that Yuuzhan Vong implanted memories work...

    The imagery, the writing, and the situation being described all work together perfectly here...

    In the absence of light
    nothing is constant
    nothing looks the same
    from one day to the next
    and yet strangely
    everything looks the same.


    Again, there's a paradox here, between seeing and unseeing; it takes a while to realise that a sort of shadedness is meant - a liminal state, although not one the narrator recognizes as such? The lines again make interesting fragments when taken in isolation, as if the meaning is assembled from the almost-arbitrary juxtaposition of fragments: and yet, in that the narrative voice perhaps can't see, there's clarity and wholeness and integrity of expression to the whole, which perhaps implies a hidden hope.

    If only she could fix the blinds
    then maybe things wouldn't look so
    distorted; it's all stripes and jumbled
    patterns and no nice clear lines
    marking the juxtaposition
    of light with dark
    marking the differentiation
    of one thing from the next
    marking the negotiation
    between day
    and night


    The previously regular linebreaks are breaking down, clauses almost spiraling into the bottom of the stanza, with a real downward motion in the line-lengths; again, we have the, through the mysterious and slightly obsessive-sounding idea "If only she could fix the blinds", and the way it mirrors her inward state, both as a metaphor for it, and as an expression of... scatteredness?

    The stripes and the lack of clear day/night separation echo the banded black/grey armour that Anakin saw in his dream of a shaped Tahiri, and introduce the idea of an aesthetic clash; does that suggest different ways of seeing, different pattens traced in the same idea?

    But now there's no consensus
    no mediators.


    This is the most interesting line: consensus and mediators suggest that the clearly-demarcated day/night lines of old were both part of a stable unity, and lines across which, through their very clarity, communication was possible; and the latter word especially has the suggestion of people who can achieve this, the "negotiation / between day / and night": implicitly Anakin, but the old idea of Jedi, too: by looking at the familiar metaphor from this new perspective, its meaning (albeit seemingly lost) becomes clearer than when it was simply being experienced?

    It never used to be like this
    . . . did it? If she closes her eyes
    she's sure she can see a time
    when there was a clear line
    drawn in the sand
    when a child grew golden
    in the light of twin suns
    unafraid of their harsh gaze
    the cruel lick of their rays
    tongues of fire on soft flesh.

    She thinks she can remember
    when the light was so keen
    it sliced her world into chunks
    so geometric, so neat, so clean

    so clean . . .


    Again, an interesting pattern: memories of childhood (raised against the barrier of shaping?) and memories of being unafraid, of accepting; but the sliced... chunks seem violent, disected... and from there, the spiral back into the obsessions about (un)tidiness is rapid... raising the question: is it really the muddle that's new, or the sense of a need for neatness?

    Now she notices t
     
  8. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    tahiriveilax
    Hi there. :) Yes, I agree - poor Tahiri. :(

    Thanks for reading.

    Vadie
    Thanks. :) Appreciate it muchly.

    Darthrevan4ever
    Thanks. :) Appreciate you reading it.

    brodiew
    Hi there and thanks for the kind comments. :)

    I hope that Tahiri will be able shrug off the tattered, scattered light to find her way back to full light of the sun.
    I hope so, too. The light is there - latent - she just needs to get back to seeing "whole" again.

    Thanks so much for reading.

    KA
    Great to see you. [:D]

    it also captures Tahiri perfectly.
    Thanks for that. That is how she seems to me in LotF.

    The imagery -- the confusion now, contrasted with the clarity of before -- is extremely powerful, as is the emotional context. You can see how Tahiri's so lost, to the point she can't even remember where things became so clouded, or how it truly felt not to be adrift.
    That's the sad thing about her condition - and that really bugs me. I'm glad that came through in the imagery. As you can see, the poem is as much me trying to "capture" how she is at present as me trying to work out how she got there.

    Thanks so much for the feedback. :)

    Thrawn
    Golly gosh - thanks for this wonderful analysis. [:D]

    Yes, there is a lot of light in the poem - thanks for picking up on that. And where there's light, there's hope. ;) (I like the "brilliant" pun btw.)

    The overall focus is on the slippery metaphor between psyche and place - the sense of her head as a room, which, in itself, is quite jarring - an empty space, with things in it that other people rearrange;
    Yes - and it was finding a workable metaphor that was tricky here. As I told you in my PM, I'd tried a couple of ideas but they were all too "structured" and I needed one that leant itself to chaos. A room is structured in that it has a defined boundary - but the things in it can be constantly shifted.

    but look at it a little longer, like contemplating an artwork, and you see a new shape, a different slant of meaning; which is when lines like "She can't remember" and "in her head" acquire a new meaning when treated as discrete items... which reminds me a little bit, of the way that Yuuzhan Vong implanted memories work...
    Yes, there's always those implanted memories to take into account. I felt that maybe they add another dimension to her confusion in that although they're essentially in her memory, their actual arrival in there is after her earlier childhood memories - and it makes it all the more muddly for her. The linear sense that most of us have of our lives is not true for her, and this must have an effect. And I felt that one could argue that this made her, in a sense, easy pickings for Jacen. (Remembering that this poem is an effort to understand her as she is in LotF.)

    Again, there's a paradox here, between seeing and unseeing; it takes a while to realise that a sort of shadedness is meant - a liminal state, although not one the narrator recognizes as such? The lines again make interesting fragments when taken in isolation, as if the meaning is assembled from the almost-arbitrary juxtaposition of fragments: and yet, in that the narrative voice perhaps can't see, there's clarity and wholeness and integrity of expression to the whole, which perhaps implies a hidden hope.
    I found this particularly interesting. :) Yes, she is in a kind of "inbetween" state just as the room is inbetween light and dark. It could be light, if she could fix the problem. But what actually is the problem? And because I'm guessing as much as her, the narrator is as hazy as she is. :) And yes, I took a jigsaw approach to writing this in the end. I had the lines and images in my head that I knew captured some of my ideas - but the construction was, in the end, based more on rhythm and just what "worked". So in a sense it's a very subliminal poem. :D I think the answer to LotF Tahiri is shaded for me, too.

    The previously regular linebreaks are bre
     
  9. YodaKenobi

    YodaKenobi VIP star 6 VIP

    Registered:
    May 27, 2003
    In the absence of light
    nothing is constant
    nothing looks the same


    This reminded me a bit of Stover. I'd love to see him write Tahiri some day [face_thinking]

    If only she could fix the blinds
    then maybe things wouldn't look so
    distorted; it's all stripes and jumbled
    patterns and no nice clear lines
    marking the juxtaposition
    of light with dark
    marking the differentiation
    of one thing from the next
    marking the negotiation
    between day
    and night


    I really like the rhythm of this.



    It never used to be like this
    . . . did it? If she closes her eyes
    she's sure she can see a time
    when there was a clear line
    drawn in the sand
    when a child grew golden
    in the light of twin suns
    unafraid of their harsh gaze
    the cruel lick of their rays
    tongues of fire on soft flesh.


    Absolutely beautiful =D= I also think this works on two levels: The obvious, referring to Tahiri's childhood when things were simpler for her. But also, it could refer to Luke ("A child grew golden in the light of twin suns") when the story of Star Wars was more clearly defined good vs. evil. As you put it, "A clear line drawn in the sand."

    She thinks she can remember
    when the light was so keen
    it sliced her world into chunks
    so geometric, so neat, so clean
    so clean . . .
    Now she notices the dust
    and how the slats of the blinds
    make things look shifty
    and she wishes she could remember
    really remember
    how things used to be.


    As Yoda said, "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny." I'm afraid Tahiri will never feel that same purity again :( It reminds me of when someone is addicted to a drug. Even after they've quit for a long time, they never completely stop craving it. A part of their brain will always want it and they feel empty without it.

    I think Tahiri is probably doomed to be sad forever.

    Another amazing poem, Tahi =D= You did a great job of laying out Tahiri's struggle here and her reflections on all that has changed for her, including the Force itself. As always, the language here is beautiful.

    Great work :D
     
  10. Kiyuuchan

    Kiyuuchan Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Oct 12, 2008
    Gosh, I'm so lucky I found this by chance...

    Amazing work, stunning. [face_love] Your grasp of language is incredible. Poor Tahiri, and it makes so much sense that she would yearn for her uncomplicated childhood, after everything that happened. I get the sense that she is trying to forget herself in the memories. It's so beautiful it made tears come to my eyes.

    Really well done =D=
     
  11. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    [b[Yoda[/b]
    Yes, I'd be curious to see how Stover would write Tahiri.

    I really like the rhythm of this.
    Thanks - that disjunctive, jarring rhythm in the first few lines was a reflection of the state of her thinking, and of where she's at mentally/emotionally - and then after that there's a kind of war between that and her efforts to be calm and think rationally as in the lines: "marking the juxtaposition/marking the differentiation/marking the negotiation ".

    That's one of the fun things in poetry - playing with rhythms. :)

    I also think this works on two levels: The obvious, referring to Tahiri's childhood when things were simpler for her. But also, it could refer to Luke ("A child grew golden in the light of twin suns") when the story of Star Wars was more clearly defined good vs. evil. As you put it, "A clear line drawn in the sand."
    That's a cool thought - so thanks. The indefinite reference there - "a child" - certainly allows that interpretation. :)

    Actually that's a very interesting thought in terms of Luke's conception of the Force in very light and dark terms. One could almost say that this is a very Tatooine way of seeing. :) Compare that with someone from a planet where the natural light is more shady . . . Hmmmmm. Very interesting actually.

    As Yoda said, "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny." I'm afraid Tahiri will never feel that same purity again sad It reminds me of when someone is addicted to a drug. Even after they've quit for a long time, they never completely stop craving it. A part of their brain will always want it and they feel empty without it.

    I think Tahiri is probably doomed to be sad forever.

    It does seem that way in the profic, yes. :( Such a waste of a good and complex character. :mad:

    Thanks for the lovely comments. [:D]

    Kiyuuchan
    Thanks so much for reading. :)

    Poor Tahiri, and it makes so much sense that she would yearn for her uncomplicated childhood, after everything that happened.
    So true. Poor girl.
    I get the sense that she is trying to forget herself in the memories.
    That's an interesting observation. Certainly the act of trying to remember how things were is a distraction for her. Very true. :)

    Thanks for the kind comments. [:D]



     
  12. thusspakezarathustra

    thusspakezarathustra Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 30, 2006
    Thanks for the headsup on this :) Would not have wanted to miss this one.....great use of that extended metaphor of the room/headspace. I like that you make it sound not quite right; "shifty" and "slanted". :) Very cool. Tahiri's not seeing right, not seeing straight even though she wants to be able to.

    I read ThrawnMcEwok's analysis and agree about there being a lot of light in the poem. The fact she doesn't seem to see that makes it tragic. It feels like it's all there for her if she could just straighten up her head.

    If only she could fix the blinds
    then maybe things wouldn't look so
    distorted; it's all stripes and jumbled
    patterns and no nice clear lines
    marking the juxtaposition
    of light with dark
    marking the differentiation
    of one thing from the next
    marking the negotiation
    between day
    and night

    That stanza makes me think "film noir'.


    It never used to be like this
    . . . did it? If she closes her eyes
    she's sure she can see a time

    Interesting that to be able to see properly again she needs to blank out the world or her current reality anyway....

    when there was a clear line
    drawn in the sand
    when a child grew golden
    in the light of twin suns
    unafraid of their harsh gaze
    the cruel lick of their rays
    tongues of fire on soft flesh.
    She thinks she can remember
    when the light was so keen
    it sliced her world into chunks
    so geometric, so neat, so clean

    so clean . . .

    You love Tusken Tahiri don't you? ;) I guess one of the things I get from that is that Tahiri's not averse to cruelty..... being that it was part of the Tusken way.... but that way was clean and had a kind of purity? Yes?

    Really really liked this poem. =D=

     
  13. THE_PIED_PIPER

    THE_PIED_PIPER Chapter Rep Knoxville, TN star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Quote=Tahi

    A/N: This is based loosely on the 3 Doors Down song "Away from the sun", and focuses on the Tahiri of the LotF series.

    I like the song, the character and your poems are awesome... so this should be good for me. :cool:


    In the absence of light
    nothing is constant
    nothing looks the same
    from one day to the next
    and yet strangely
    everything looks the same.

    That is so beautiful Tahi, and I can see the logic in it. :)[/b]

    If only she could fix the blinds
    then maybe things wouldn't look so
    distorted; it's all stripes and jumbled
    patterns and no nice clear lines
    marking the juxtaposition
    of light with dark
    marking the differentiation
    of one thing from the next
    marking the negotiation
    between day
    and night

    *nods* In life, I think that 'clear lines' are often what we see as right... but that doesn't mean the 'patterns' that we sometimes get are wrong. I imagine that may be how Tahiri felt during this time of her life. And what made it so much worse for her is that she didn't have anything or anyone to anchor to to help keep her to her clear lines.

    But now there's no consensus
    no mediators.

    It never used to be like this
    . . . did it? If she closes her eyes
    she's sure she can see a time
    when there was a clear line
    drawn in the sand
    when a child grew golden
    in the light of twin suns
    unafraid of their harsh gaze
    the cruel lick of their rays
    tongues of fire on soft flesh.

    Beautiful. Nice description of Tahiri's childhood on Tatooine.

    She thinks she can remember
    when the light was so keen
    it sliced her world into chunks
    so geometric, so neat, so clean

    so clean . . .

    Now she notices the dust
    and how the slats of the blinds
    make things look shifty

    and she wishes she could remember
    really remember
    how things used to be.

    So what she has been through has changed her perspective, but not how things really are? That would make sense.


    Beautiful Candi. =D= Your poems are the best ever. :)


    ~Kick :)
     
  14. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Zara
    Hi :) thanks for looking in. Always appreciate your comments.

    great use of that extended metaphor of the room/headspace. I like that you make it sound not quite right; "shifty" and "slanted". happy Very cool. Tahiri's not seeing right, not seeing straight even though she wants to be able to.
    Thanks - and yes, you're on the button. Tahiri's view of things is very unstable, and she herself is also on shifty ground. What's worse, she knows it and yet can't remedy it.

    Yes - there is a lot of light in the poem, but it's not "clear" light. It's either lurking behind shutters or bent by the interference of other objects - impeded in other words.

    It is a bit film noir in that third stanza - kind of seedy. LOL

    Interesting that to be able to see properly again she needs to blank out the world or her current reality anyway.
    I think she does, yes. Sometimes one's current "reality" is a barrier to truth. [face_thinking]

    Yes - I admit to really liking Tusken Tahiri. :) There, I've said it.

    I guess one of the things I get from that is that Tahiri's not averse to cruelty..... being that it was part of the Tusken way.... but that way was clean and had a kind of purity? Yes?
    YES. :) I see both Tusken cruelty and her current cruelty as survival tactics - except that her current behaviour is focused on self, whereas as a Tusken her behaviour was informed by a social ethic that was for the good of the tribe.

    Thanks for reading and for the great feedback. :)


    Kick
    Thanks for looking in here. [:D] And so glad you like the song. I love that whole CD as it also has "Here without you" and "Love me when I'm gone."

    In life, I think that 'clear lines' are often what we see as right... but that doesn't mean the 'patterns' that we sometimes get are wrong.
    That's a good point. :) Sometimes trying to make things linear actually creates problems.

    I imagine that may be how Tahiri felt during this time of her life. And what made it so much worse for her is that she didn't have anything or anyone to anchor to to help keep her to her clear lines.
    Yeah. :( Anakin was a kind of moral compass for her, as she was to him to a great extent.

    So what she has been through has changed her perspective, but not how things really are?
    I think things are bad, but yes, her perspective is messed up, and she doesn't really know where to start to get it straight again. She's very disoriented.

    Thanks so much for the comments - it's really helpful for me to see what readers take from a poem. :)
     
  15. FalconFan

    FalconFan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2004
    This is truly amazing--it so clearly delineates the ephemeral nature of the boundaries separating light and dark in our minds, in our souls, reminding us that no one is immune to the darkness, no matter how pure our intentions...

    She can't remember
    when things got so messy
    or why nothing is
    in the right place anymore
    even when she tries to fix the layout
    in her head
    it shifts
    things sidle into corners
    become upturned
    for no apparent reason.


    This is the first awareness: that darkness is insidious, slippery and sneaky like a black cat on soundless feet--it infiltrates her bit by bit, messing up her sense of right and wrong, her sense of orderliness, until she can't see things clearly any longer. She knows something is terribly amiss, can feel it in her core, but can't seem to find a way to set it right again.

    If only she could fix the blinds
    then maybe things wouldn't look so
    distorted; it's all stripes and jumbled
    patterns and no nice clear lines
    marking the juxtaposition
    of light with dark
    marking the differentiation
    of one thing from the next
    marking the negotiation
    between day
    and night


    I love the imagery here--keeping it to ordinary items in an ordinary "room" takes some of the terror out of it, out of the knowing that she's fallen; the "negotiation between day and night" is the conflict within her between the light and dark, and she knows which one is getting stronger...

    But now there's no consensus
    no mediators.


    This brought me to tears: marginalized by the Jedi Order, owing to her actions while she was a Joiner, she has no one to help her see one path from another--no mentor or friend to guide her past the confusion, the lonliness, the continuing bitterness of loss... She's ripe for Caedus' picking--and pick he does... **sniffs sadly**

    It never used to be like this
    . . . did it? If she closes her eyes
    she's sure she can see a time
    when there was a clear line
    drawn in the sand
    when a child grew golden
    in the light of twin suns
    unafraid of their harsh gaze
    the cruel lick of their rays
    tongues of fire on soft flesh.

    She thinks she can remember
    when the light was so keen
    it sliced her world into chunks
    so geometric, so neat, so clean

    so clean . . .


    I could almost feel the yearning in her here, for the simplicity of her youth, where things were much less complicated; this is also quite poignant, though, in that she's not entirely sure she's remembering it--"She thinks she can remember..." But it's not a certainty in her heart...

    Now she notices the dust
    and how the slats of the blinds
    make things look shifty

    and she wishes she could remember
    really remember
    how things used to be.


    I was tearing up at this, too...there's such a sense of despairing resignation here--everything's changed, everything is growing darker, and she's unable to change any of it...unable to hold on to the light she once knew and held dear... :_|

    It's heartwrenching, and it's beautiful--I love it, and I love that you've written this for Tahiri. [face_love]

    FF
     
  16. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Loved the emotion of the piece. I could feel the sadness and how alone she felt. Great job.
     
  17. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Hi FF - thanks so much for dropping in. :)

    it so clearly delineates the ephemeral nature of the boundaries separating light and dark in our minds, in our souls, reminding us that no one is immune to the darkness, no matter how pure our intentions...
    Thanks. And yes, the darkness and light often slide into one another, and sometimes it's very hard to know where the boundaries are. Or even if there are distinct boundaries.

    that darkness is insidious, slippery and sneaky like a black cat on soundless feet
    That's a very cool metaphor. I wish I'd thought of that. ;)

    it infiltrates her bit by bit, messing up her sense of right and wrong, her sense of orderliness, until she can't see things clearly any longer. She knows something is terribly amiss, can feel it in her core, but can't seem to find a way to set it right again.
    You read my mind!! That's precisely it. [:D]

    I love the imagery here--keeping it to ordinary items in an ordinary "room" takes some of the terror out of it, out of the knowing that she's fallen;
    Thanks - and yes, it does work that way. It also signifies that it's almost become "normal" for her to be this way. Without the terror, she's almost worse off, because there's no reason to fight against it. That's the insidious nature of darkness - you come to accept it.

    the "negotiation between day and night" is the conflict within her between the light and dark, and she knows which one is getting stronger...
    Indeed. :(

    marginalized by the Jedi Order, owing to her actions while she was a Joiner, she has no one to help her see one path from another--no mentor or friend to guide her past the confusion, the lonliness, the continuing bitterness of loss...
    It's a huge problem for Tahiri, because she's the kind that really needs "family". But she's constantlyhaving it taken from her.

    She's ripe for Caedus' picking--and pick he does...
    I hate him. :mad:

    I could almost feel the yearning in her here, for the simplicity of her youth, where things were much less complicated;
    Thanks. Yes, things were clear cut for her once. There were clear rules and boundaries.

    this is also quite poignant, though, in that she's not entirely sure she's remembering it--"She thinks she can remember..." But it's not a certainty in her heart...
    And that's the problem for her. She's forgetting everything that has made her who she is - she's forgetting herself. Even Riina would not get sucked in by Caedus.

    there's such a sense of despairing resignation here
    Thanks for noticing that. That was the sense I wanted readers to get.

    she's unable to change any of it
    I think this is a crucial point. It's the terrible inertial state she's in that worried me; the fact that she no longer controls her life.

    It's heartwrenching, and it's beautiful--I love it, and I love that you've written this for Tahiri
    Thanks so much, FF [:D] I love Tahiri and am so terribly sad with the way she is in LotF. The poem is my attempt to get into her psyche as she's been written in LotF, and I guess to give it some sort of meaning. Your comments mean a lot to me.

    Diane
    Hey there - appreciate you reading this. :)

    Thanks for the feedback, and I'm glad that her loneliness came through. Poor wee Tahiri.


     
  18. -DDR-

    -DDR- Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 9, 2007
    Very emotional. Phew! I can't add much to what's been said by everyone else but that central idea of using the room and the twisted light patterns was very effective. I'm not usually a poetry reader but yours is interesting. I can actually understand it. Which is more than I can say for a lot of stuff. If only Tahiri could remember how things were.... :( Great poem. =D=
     
  19. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Hey there DDR

    Thanks for the feedback on the use of the extended metaphor. I wanted something that people could relate to, and also one that could be used to craete the right kind of mood. :)

    I'm not usually a poetry reader
    Tut tut - we must remedy that. :D

    but yours is interesting. I can actually understand it.
    LOL - well that's always a plus. ;)

    If only Tahiri could remember how things were....
    Indeed. :( Poor wee Tahiri. :_|

    Thanks so much for reading, even if it's not your usual "bag". :)
     
  20. padawan lunetta

    padawan lunetta Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    May 15, 1999
    Wow, this was beautiful Tahi! Your poems are always amazing!
     
  21. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Thanks, Luney - much appreciated. [:D]
     
  22. TahiriSoloFan

    TahiriSoloFan Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 20, 2003
    Beautiful and heartrending, Tahi!

    You & your family are in my prayers at this ddifficult time![:D]
     
  23. Mousie

    Mousie Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Oct 27, 2002
    I read this a while ago and meant to post my comments, but then got interrupted so sorry this is late. Your poems really affect my emotions and this one is really powerful....poor Tahiri is so lost and so confused and this poem shows all that so well. She's in such a bad place now, and somehow you show that with that twisted and shifty light idea. It's so sad to see her like this but I love the poem. You seem to understand Tahiri so well. =D=

    I am still thinking about you and your family and I hope you are getting lots of support where you are. [:D]
     
  24. thusspakezarathustra

    thusspakezarathustra Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 30, 2006
    Hey girl. :) You did it again. Kiwis rule ok. =D= Good to see Tahiri getting some appreciation in the awards....poem, vignette and best canon female :)
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.