main
side
curve
  1. Welcome to the new boards! Details here!

Before - Legends Bad Dreams - far-past OC horror/thriller/mystery(?) - UPDATE January 25!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by JediNemesis, Mar 21, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Title: Bad Dreams
    Author: JediNemesis
    Genre: Horror, thriller, drama, mystery (potential)
    Characters: OCs
    Era: 7000+ years bTPM (part of the Ythnyn far-past miniverse)

    Notes: Written for the fourth not-quite-annual Dare Challenge. My dare was this: This story must have: A Jedi who just happens to be a vampire, a Sith Lord who's been having visions of angels, a young woman named Orpah (no, not Oprah ) who is sentenced to be executed for a crime she didn't commit, and an ancient tomb haunted by the spirits of three vile witches...

    More notes: I tried to make this a one-post. Oh, how I tried. It wouldn't go. So it is with deep trepidation that I announce that this story is not over, and will be continued, though I make no promises whatsoever as to length or frequency of updates. (Only this first post counts for the purposes of Dare Challenge voting.)

    Summary: 282 years after the founding of the Ythnyn Line by Ionnàs, the throne is held by the sixth Dark Lord of that line, Anedar Aedonnain. The empire is as strong as ever. Yet the cornerstone of that empire, the Dark Lord himself, is haunted by visions he can neither explain nor dispel - visions of angels . . .


    [b]DISCLAIMER:[/b] George Lucas' sandbox. I just mess around.

    [hr]

    The air was stale and dry, and made uncomfortably hot by its proximity to the mountain?s volcanic heart. Dust lay in the angles between floor and walls worn down by the brushing-past of robes and the absent-minded touch of hands. Only the ceiling was untouched by time, its black rock still spined with jagged points that, seen from the doorway, hung down into the light like the teeth of a vast mouth poised to close.

    It was a close, claustrophobic space, the slanted walls always seemingly on the point of crushing in.

    On the low bunk that was its only furnishing lay a thin figure with a twisted shoulder and withered right arm, forced by its deformity to curl awkwardly to one side rather than lie flat. A rough black cloak was drawn over the sleeper, its hem ragged and pale with dust. One almost fleshless hand clutched at the cloak?s edge, the knuckles white with some nameless terror met in dreams.

    The dreamer was Anedar Aedonnain, sixth Dark Lord of the line of Ythnyn and heir to the iron throne of Ionnàs. He was thirty-three years old, far too young, they said, to wield such a degree of power, and there was already a fine tracery of white in his dark hair. Awake, his eyes were grey and watchful. Now he slept, fitfully and uneasily, his thin body shivering despite the oppressive heat.

    Sleep was a little too much like death for most Dark Lords to welcome it, and like most of his kind Anedar succumbed to sleep only when his body could no longer physically sustain the demands the Force placed on it. But of late he had stretched his reserves of wakefulness as far as they would go, hating the very idea of sleep, terrified by the visions that haunted the fringes of the dreamworld.

    He dreamed of angels: not the smiling, anatomically unlikely golden-haired and swan-winged creatures that fluttered through the pages of children?s stories, but angels, ancient, beautiful, terrible and real.

    * * *

    For three hundred years the present Sith Line had been lords under the mountain. The name was both hauntingly evocative and utterly useless: the edge of colonised space was advancing every year, bringing into the nascent galactic civilisation hundreds of stars and thousands of worlds. And everywhere there were hot cores and continents, there would be mountains.

    Over the course of an adult life spent searching for the Sith fortress, Rahisa had seen more mountains than she cared to remember. Some had lingered in the memory: the jade peaks of Mai Nguy, haunted by the wind; the grey, acid-scarred heights of Rulan Maior and Rulan Minor; the gentle alps of Tausan, so much like the homeworld she did not remember; the endless snows of Cloud Shoulder in Memourneh, twelve thousand metres high. Many more, she had forgotten.

    The mountains of t>
     
  2. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Interesting story, about the ancient Sith. Great names and characters.

    And a great response to the dare.

    What will a Sith and an angel do?[face_thinking]
     
  3. the_wandering_shadow

    the_wandering_shadow Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    May 16, 2005
    Great work, as always, Nem.

    I don't know if I should admit this or not, but this was the dare that I made up. I don't know if you're happy with the inspiration or if you'd just like to slap me a few times or both :p However, the truth is I wanted you to get this one (or anything that I'd have come up with) because I knew you'd do well with it. Really, what were the chances? So you can blame/thank me, along with the fact that I was watching my DVDs of the Dark Shadows revival series the day I came up with it.
     
  4. p_stotts

    p_stotts Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 21, 2001
    Terrific opening chapter. I can see why you found the challenge daunting. However, you've ensnared me with your plot, and I find I cannot escape. ;) :D I especially love your descriptions of this desolate world. A perfect home for an ancient Sith. Please PM me when and if you update.
     
  5. Seremela

    Seremela Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2008
    =D= =D= Great opening, very strongly written, all of it, landscapes, characters, thoughts =D=

    Totally captured me, so if you truly go on with this story I'd liked to be pm'd as well :)


     
  6. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    It's so disturbing to care about characters who are evil, callous and cruel. *shiver* I can't help it, I am hooked by this world you are creating. Please pm me if/when you post another chapter.
     
  7. Ceillean

    Ceillean Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 13, 2001
    I completely adore Anedar. Dunno -- I have this thing with the bad guys. :p

    I love this fic and if you do decide to continue this, would you please PM me? [face_batting]

     
  8. DarkPowerUnlimited

    DarkPowerUnlimited Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Nov 21, 2008
    Intriguing... I likes! :D
    Many main characters in one story confuses me, but in good stories I can deal with it.
    A vampire Jedi... I wonder where that idea came from? :p
     
  9. amidalachick

    amidalachick Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    He dreamed of angels: not the smiling, anatomically unlikely golden-haired and swan-winged creatures that fluttered through the pages of children?s stories, but angels, ancient, beautiful, terrible and real.

    Oooh, I really like this line.

    This world and these characters that you've created are so rich and dark and complex, and just fascinating to read. Excellent work! =D=
     
  10. Bri_Windstar

    Bri_Windstar Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 27, 2002
    There's a chilliness that's very palpable when reading the story that comes off very well. There's plenty of mystery and intrigue, too. That keeps me very much wanting to know what comes next. There's also a bit of a fairytale aspect to it. Not the Disney kind, though, the more classical kind. You do a wonderful job of cultivating a means of talking and storytelling that fits the idea of "far past" too. I really, really enjoyed this! Count me on board for the ride. :)
     
  11. azizah

    azizah Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Sep 4, 2006
    This is really intriguing and well written. I can't decide which character I am most interested in, they are all so compelling. I am hooked in one post!

    This was beautiful

    He dreamed of angels: not the smiling, anatomically unlikely golden-haired and swan-winged creatures that fluttered through the pages of children?s stories, but angels, ancient, beautiful, terrible and real.

    Great challenge response =D=
     
  12. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Hi there everyone :) It's brilliant to see so many replies, and also thanks to those of you who voted for Bad Dreams in the Dare Challenge. Unfortunately I missed my two days of colours owing to being offline (being introduced to bf's family . . .) but I'm very flattered :D


    earlybird-obi-wan Interesting story, about the ancient Sith. Great names and characters. Thanks - I do especially like concocting names for them all. I spend way too much time on it, actually. And a great response to the dare. I'm glad you think so - it was a tricky set of requirements. What will a Sith and an angel do? I don't know . . . this is part of what I'm now trying to work out . . .

    the_wandering_shadow Great work, as always, Nem. Many thanks, TWS :p I don't know if I should admit this or not, but this was the dare that I made up. I don't know if you're happy with the inspiration or if you'd just like to slap me a few times or both. I did kind of suspect it was you after seeing the list of entrants. But very many thanks for the inspiration - I've been kicking around the idea of an Aedonnain story for ages now (he's been part of my mental furniture for years) but it took the Dare Challenge to poke me out of the slough of letharge and actually start to write. So thanks. However, the truth is I wanted you to get this one (or anything that I'd have come up with) because I knew you'd do well with it. Really, what were the chances? So you can blame/thank me, along with the fact that I was watching my DVDs of the Dark Shadows revival series the day I came up with it. Aww. Thanks. I'm glad you like it, and I only hope I can carry on at the same standard.

    p_stotts Terrific opening chapter. I can see why you found the challenge daunting. However, you've ensnared me with your plot, and I find I cannot escape. I especially love your descriptions of this desolate world. A perfect home for an ancient Sith. Ythnyn is one of my favourite of the worlds I've created - I'm very glad you like it, and the story. Thanks for reading! Please PM me when and if you update. No problem :)

    Seremela Great opening, very strongly written, all of it, landscapes, characters, thoughts Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it :D Totally captured me, so if you truly go on with this story I'd liked to be pm'd as well Can do. I'm hoping to continue (despite multiple failed attempts at long stories).

    ratna It's so disturbing to care about characters who are evil, callous and cruel. *shiver* I can't help it, I am hooked by this world you are creating. If I've made you care about this bunch then my work here is done [face_devil] In all seriousness, I'm very glad you're enjoying it (if one can enjoy shivers) and hope you continue to do so. Please pm me if/when you post another chapter. Of course.

    Ceillean I completely adore Anedar. Dunno -- I have this thing with the bad guys. I can sympathise - I like writing the villains. You should be seeing plenty more of him. I love this fic and if you do decide to continue this, would you please PM me? No problem at all.

    DarkPowerUnlimited Intriguing... I likes! Haha, I'm glad. Many main characters in one story confuses me, but in good stories I can deal with it. I try not to make things too complicated because then I can't follow it, so hopefully you shouldn't have a problem. A vampire Jedi... I wonder where that idea came from? Blame the_wandering_shadow - it was her idea, I just followed it up.

    amidalachick Oooh, I really like this line. Thanks! This world and these characters that you've created are so rich and dark and complex, and just fascinating to read. Excellent work! I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reading :)

    Bri_Windstar There's a chilliness that's very palpable when reading the story that comes off very well. There's plenty of mystery and intrigue, too. That keeps me very much wanting to know what comes next. I m
     
  13. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    woohoo! there will be more ... there WILL be more!! woohoo!
     
  14. Bri_Windstar

    Bri_Windstar Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 27, 2002
    Ooh, you can add me to the PM list! I don't pop into Before too often and I would hate to miss an update.

    Lovin the solar power colors, btw. :cool: Congrats! :D
     
  15. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Please add me to the PM list! :D
     
  16. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Afternoon, all!

    Happy Easter to those who celebrate it, Passover ditto, and hopefully everyone's having/had a bit of a holiday.

    The PM list currently stands at: p_stotts, Seremela, ratna, Ceillean, Bri_Windstar, and VaderLVR64. If you're not on the list and would like to be on it (or are on it and would like to be off it) please let me know, either in-thread or via PM.

    And now, picking up where we left off, we return you to Bad Dreams . . .


    A faint breeze rustled his hair, as if the whole cavern had drawn breath, cold and laden with fine black dust.

    ?Angels,? one of the ghosts said, at last.

    The word seemed to take too long to die away, hanging almost tangibly in the air between them: a thickening, a chill, a shift in the texture of perception from something that had not been said, to something that had been said, and would always have been said, and would always [i]be[/i].

    ?And what interest have you in that ancient race?? a ghost said. They were moving closer together, becoming one triple-centred blur. ?Or, for that matter, they in you??

    ?How old are the angels?? Anedar asked quietly.

    ?Old enough,? said the first ghost, her voice like the rasp of stone on stone, ?to have been old before the Dark Lords showed their faces.?

    ?Old enough,? said the second, in a voice like winter, ?to have been old before humanity crawled out of their stinking seas.?

    And the third, though which it was Anedar could no longer tell, said in a voice that was only the whisper of dry wind through dry dust ?Old as fire. Old as ice. They are older than words. They are older than gods.?

    Anedar?s back ached, a hard-edged, deep-set pain that was not entirely the prickling of his spine and the rigid tension of his shoulders. It was the pain of a body imperfectly formed, of fused bones and twisted sinew, and it had been at his side, silent, since the day he opened his eyes on understanding.

    The moment passed in a shiver, and to the now-wavering blue form he said ?I have dreamt of angels. Of seeing their shadows over me, protecting. Of hearing voices I cannot understand and seeing faces I cannot describe.? He clenched the glowcube between his hands, the withered and the whole, and said ?I have never seen an angel. Few living sentients have. And yet they plague my dreams.?

    Spectral laughter rattled briefly on the edge of hearing, and one of the ghosts - they were barely distinguishable now - said ?Oh, little dreamer, little dreamer, can you remember that which you have never seen??

    Then the ghost of the three sisters began to dwindle, collapsing in on itself until there was only the faintest point of bluish light and then not even that, and left behind only the word [i]remember[/i], cold and lingering in the air.

    Minutes passed, the blue light fading into utter darkness, and after a little while Anedar stepped out of the narrow cleft in the rocky wall, his cloak streaked with pale lines of dust, and with his head bowed against the black wind walked, without a backward glance, away.

    Perched in the rocks over the cave entrance, hooded and cloaked - no more than a shadow among shadows - a solitary figure watched him go.

    * * *

    Orpah Kell slept a few hours, because she would be in no state to hunt Jedi with the muscles of her arms and back still aching from the weight of chains, but rose in the small hours of the morning, stretched, and went padding down the twisting corridors of the mountain in search of first weaponry and then information.

    Her first port of call was a low-ranking acolyte, barely more than a servant, she met scurrying along one of the passages near the surface. They came to a stop when she stepped out in front of them, nervous eyes - all that was visible under the hood - flicking from side to side, looking in vain for a way out even as they said uncertainly ?Yes, mistress??

    The voice was female. There were more female acolytes at Ythnyn now than there had been under any of Aedonnain?s predecessors; still not many, but more. Some of the older Sith, particularly those who had trained under Aedonnain?s master>
     
  17. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    I'll wait for updates! :D

    And the right-hand voice said, as if an answer were dawning on it, ?Of course you dream. The crippled Dark Lord chose you, chose you because you are like him, you dream . . .?

    ?Anedar dreams true?? Saarz breathed, half-shocked, half-delighted.

    And the central one laughed and said, very quietly, ?Oh, little Sith, there is always truth in dreams.?


    Nice contrast to the Jedi's "Dreams pass in time."

    Lovely work! =D= No surprise there! :p
     
  18. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    * dancing with the dead *

    your chapters always raise more questions than they answer .... but still keep me coming back for more.

    very cool.
     
  19. Ceillean

    Ceillean Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 13, 2001
    I love the mysteriousness, the mystery of this story! And your writing is great, by the way.

    Thanks so much for the PM! I'm truly enjoying this. :)
     
  20. p_stotts

    p_stotts Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 21, 2001
    I just love it when the Sith have to deal with a superior entity. It's good they be reminded that they're not completely all powerful. Great chapter, Nem! I look forward to seeing how this story progresses.
     
  21. Seremela

    Seremela Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2008
    Thanks for the pm and sorry to be so late! Great second part, as beautifully written as the first. It makes the characters real and very distinct and recognizable from one another. Oprah specifically carries a bit of craziness in her. And I do like Hayuketake :D

    I also like the three sisters, very captivating. The same for your angels, I hope we'll learn more about them as this goes along.

    And thanks for the dare challenge, I was the one who got yours and it was a lot of fun to write.


     
  22. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Morning, all. And a lovely day it is too, at least here in GB - beautiful blue sky.

    The last few weeks have been kind of hectic, and the next few are likely to be similar (exams). A post is, however, in the works and shouldn't be more than a week in coming. Thanks everyone who's reading!

    VaderLVR Nice contrast to the Jedi's "Dreams pass in time." Do you know, I didn't think of that. Good point, though, so I shall shut up and take the credit :p Lovely work! No surprise there! Thanks!

    ratna your chapters always raise more questions than they answer .... but still keep me coming back for more. very cool. I think the first bit can be explained by *my* barely knowing how this is going to end. [face_worried] But I'm glad you're hooked ;)

    Ceillean I love the mysteriousness, the mystery of this story! And your writing is great, by the way. Thank you very much :) Mystery is always good, and I like writing characters faced with things they genuinely don't understand.

    p_stotts I just love it when the Sith have to deal with a superior entity. It's good they be reminded that they're not completely all powerful. I wouldn't say the Three Sisters are superior exactly - just that they're operating under a completely different set of rules, and the Sith tend to have trouble understanding worldviews/rule sets other than their own. Great chapter, Nem! I look forward to seeing how this story progresses. So do I :p

    Seremela Great second part, as beautifully written as the first. It makes the characters real and very distinct and recognizable from one another. Orpah specifically carries a bit of craziness in her. And I do like Hayuketake. Oh, thank you [face_blushing] Aki Hayuketake's been part of the backstory for a while; this is his first major role, though. Orpah came into being for the Dare Challenge and is rapidly getting away from me. I also like the three sisters, very captivating. The same for your angels, I hope we'll learn more about them as this goes along. Thank the_wandering_shadow for telling me to put in witches. I really like how they've turned out, actually - might have to bring them into stories elsewhere.

    Thanks everyone! I hope to have another post up soonish :D

    Nem
     
  23. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Actually got sorted out a lot quicker than I thought (I should be revising for exams, it's amazing how productive it makes me). So, without further ado, we return to Ythnyn.



    ?But Anedar dreams true,? Saarz said again, and this time it was not a question, but a certainty. It chimed somewhere in her mind, another piece slotting into the puzzle that was Anedar.

    From the swiftly fading blot of light came the left-hand voice, very faint but very sure, saying simply ?You will never outstrip him.?

    ?You are afraid,? said the right-hand voice, distant and faint as an echo on the wind, ?and he is not.?

    And the third, almost wistfully, said ?Oh, the Dark Lord lacks for many things, but courage, that he does not lack . . .?

    The light flickered and died, leaving the cavern black as oblivion, the ghosts of words echoing in the silence.

    Moments passed.

    ?I am no coward,? Saarz said quietly to the empty darkness. ?I am a Sith, a Dark Lady of the line of Ythnyn, heir to Aedonnain and to the iron throne of Ionnàs. I am feared. Not afraid.?

    She stumbled back across the black plain half in a trance, her robes whipping behind her in the howling, dust-laden wind. On the edges of vision shadows danced, shapes that were never quite there when she turned to look for them. She knew better than to give credence to the stories of horrors in the dark, but some cowering part of her mind, still a child, insisted on seeing them there - a shadow that hovered, twisting, on the point of becoming a claw, a wing, an outstretched hand, and gathered itself again behind her at every turn.

    * * *

    The sky was beginning to lighten, a faint reddish flush spreading across the western horizon, when Anedar returned to the mountain. It was summer, and the nights were short.

    For once there had been no visions in the darkness of the journey, no fragments of scenes from past or future, and for that he was almost grateful. Rather he had been left alone with his thoughts, to pick through them and turn them over, and try and fit the disparate pieces - Orpah, Saarz, the Jedi, the three sisters, the angels - into some kind of a pattern that could be understood.

    No solution had presented itself, but an idea had uncoiled in the back of his mind as he drifted through the dark. Perhaps some of the . . . inconveniences would take care of one another, if he engineered the conditions correctly, and then all he would need to do would be stand back and watch.

    The heat of the mountain increased as he passed the outer gates, towards the levels of the mountain occupied by the hive of lesser Sith. It was a warren of sleeping cells, sparring halls, and spaces in which to carry on a life that was, for most of them, only a kind of monasticism. Many came simply to learn, those too old, too damaged or simply too unlucky to have been selected for Jedi training; only the unusually driven and dangerous ever fought their way through the ranks to the level where Anedar bothered to notice them.

    Many of the lowest caste had never so much as seen their overlord, and in any case, in the lamplit caverns he was simply one more figure cloaked in black. Even the withered hand drew little attention: plenty of Sith sported disfigurements of one kind or another, whether taken in the course of combat or self-inflicted by those inclined to mortification of the flesh.

    Unseen, he moved through the knots and clumps of acolytes in one of the larger halls, overhearing to a snatch of conversation here, a few words there.

    They gossiped like schoolchildren, the lesser Sith, trading their little secrets as if they were the jewels of the universe, incapable of comprehending the scale on which life truly worked. Briefly Anedar toyed with the thought of killing them all, or most of them, for no reason other than to impress on the survivors the reality of that scale. He?d thought about it before, to the extent of idly scanning the hall with his farsense looking for the cracks and faults in the rock. It would be a matter of seconds, less than seconds, to let fall the cumbersome cloak, freeing his h>
     
  24. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2007
    No solution had presented itself ...

    [face_laugh]

    Yeah, solutions generally only present themselves to laid back Jedi masters ...

    Sith dudes have to work and manipulate. Bummer.
     
  25. Ceillean

    Ceillean Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 13, 2001
    Now that's one heck of a cool doctor. I just hope she can be trusted.

    And I hope Maxin can be trusted as well. I'm sort of liking him right now. :p

    Wonderful update!

    =D=
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.