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Beyond - Legends Balance Point (post-DJ, TK, Teneniel Djo, J/TK, one-poster - '04 Choice Short Story )

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Amidala_Skywalker, Oct 26, 2004.

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  1. Amidala_Skywalker

    Amidala_Skywalker Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2001
    Balance Point


    [image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v17/LoveEmpress/balancepoint_cover.jpg]

    (Cover made by the lovely obaona!)



    Timeframe: Post-Dark Journey.

    Summary: Set after the novel Dark Journey, Tenel Ka struggles with her decision to accept her birthright, the Hapan Crown. Who can guide her through this dark time?

    Notes: This story is purposely written? strangely. At some points, I feel it has a certain feeling of? weightlessness. I have never tried first person and present tense together. To be honest, I struggled with every sentence in this story. I know the concepts I?ve portrayed may be confusing, but I wanted something that wasn?t part of the same vein my writing usually follows. I want to get readers thinking. Overall, I?m proud of myself for producing this piece. It has been around a year since I?ve written anything and I?ve never written Tenel Ka. This piece makes me feel naked because it lacks plenty of description.

    With thanks to ThrawnMcEwok for the beta (hey, why can?t I call you something less? formal here? ;)).

    Disclaimer: Credit goes to Moneypants!George. Apologises to Kathy Tyres for my shamelessness.


    **

    In shadows, there is light. In strength, mercy. In duty, sacrifice.

    I believe that inside one, there are two. A balancing.

    I believe we create our own light and our own darkness ? and that in the universe and the Force exists a grey, an essence that is good, bad and neither at the same time. Through that impartiality, we create our footsteps. We trap ourselves in our own cells. We create our own happiness. We decide our own right and wrong.

    We kill ourselves slowly, gently.

    I believe the trap is to trust that there is only one side to a surface, that the angles have become curved.

    I believe that consequences should be decided before actions. That innocence should be claimed before guilt. That youth should never be lost before age.

    I uphold the principles of honour, loyalty, and obligation. I realise the significance of what was entrusted to me. Know that I did not ask for this sacrifice, but that it cannot fall to another.

    My responsibility weighs upon me. It is the heat on my shoulders, the nightly suffocating pressure on my chest and the weariness in my bones come morning. It is also my voice and my tool. It is a part of me that I never wanted. It is the part of me that calls for judgement. It is my little voice that demands.

    It thinks it has won. I have made a decision I thought I would sooner regret than accept. Know that it was never my only choice. Know that freedom of choice makes life more individual, unique. Fact. But a promise is a vow that should not be broken.

    My birthright is my burden and my promise to life and each breath.

    In dark periods, there must be light. In night, there must be stars. I believe that there is no balance without contrast.

    There must be grey. There are more sides to my struggle.

    I must find personal balance.


    **

    ?Queen Mother, can you hear us??

    Shaking. Trembling.

    Overwhelming.

    Thought, confusion, frustration ? all one.

    ?She is drifting back into unconsciousness!?

    Shaking, definitely shaking.

    ?Queen Mother, you have ingested?? Ah, explanation. ?We require you??

    Too late. Vertigo.

    **

    ?In Dathomiri culture, stories have a much deeper meaning than on Hapes. The art of storytelling is just as valued as the story itself. Good stories, my daughter, do not find creation on flimsy. Tales of the heart are most often fact. Stories that are fantasy and exaggeration lose their enchantment with every generation. A priceless story is one that can be enjoyed by all because it is familiar to all. A story is a legacy. It is an entity that can be passed and shared amongst many people.? Patient pause. ?Do you understand, Tenel Ka??

    From my vantage point in a room atop one of the Palace?s spiral towers, I can observe the entire Hapan capital. The sun
     
  2. Thrawn McEwok

    Thrawn McEwok Co-Author: Essential Guide to Warfare star 6 VIP

    Registered:
    May 9, 2000
    'dess: why can?t I call you something less?formal here? ;)

    Such as...? [face_mischief]

    IMHO - brilliant, beautiful, wonderful... no need to call it AU, exquisite characterization, wonderful imagery...

    Well, you know all that already...

    I like it! :D

    - The Imperial Ewok
     
  3. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Am, am, am--I believe we create our own light and our own darkness ? and that in the universe and the Force exists a grey, an essence that is good, bad and neither at the same time. Through that impartiality, we create our footsteps. We trap ourselves in our own cells. We create our own happiness. We decide our own right and wrong.

    I love that. I love the idea of having that kind of mastery to create our own light, because that is the power and right, really, of every being ever created. It's like Abraham Lincoln who said that "We are only as happy as we make up our minds to be."

    We kill ourselves slowly, gently.

    Yes, the dichotomy of ultimate freedom to have happiness or goodness, but we are our own venoms because only we know how to craft what will destroy us.

    Tales of the heart are most often fact.

    How appropriate for Tenel Ka.

    ?Pace is imperative. A story with a rapid pace will leave listeners feeling deprived and unsatisfied. However, if the story is far too slow, listeners will lose interest and the result will be same. You must seek to find a balance, Tenel Ka.?

    I love this because of the metaphor of life as the great story-telling, how the pace must be varied. The balance in pacing explains a lot about trials.

    I consider the recent turmoil in my life. I picture those who have stood at my side when my shoulders fell imperceptibly and my back was turned. I recognise their duty to the war effort. I do not criticise them for leaving me after the coronation.

    Jacen?

    His memory makes me falter. His death through the Force persists in making me lose? semblance. I know there is no way I will see his face again. I grieve. I mourn in silence? for there is no one that would hear me; still I know that does not make my pain any less.


    Interesting phrasing there. Love the loss of...semblance.

    ?Mother.? My voice is shallow. ?Your distance never made me wary of your love. You were never cold to me,? I insist. ?You are my mother. I miss you terribly.?

    Applies to jacen as well. Appropriate that this thought followed the remembrance of what she has lost in him.

    ?I was as you are. My first year as Queen Mother was a beast I felt I could never defeat. My life was living between the very thin lines of professional and personal. Isolder was, at times, utterly alien to me. I felt I had never been so alone in my entire life. I felt it in my entire being.

    I wanted more of this, always felt a compassion for the woman who left everything behind for the unknown..

    The organism senses a presence and edges closer. ?I know you believe you?re killing yourself,? he states. ?I know you believe you can?t see the stars through the clouds. I know I?m?missing.?

    That's why I believe this is canon.

    ?I want to kiss you now, Tenel Ka. Do you think balance permits us??

    My hand travels to the back of his neck and I force our lips closer. ?Demands,? I answer.


    Wonder why balance demands it or if she's mistaken in this balance.
     
  4. Jaina_Solo_59

    Jaina_Solo_59 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 30, 2004
    That was Amazing!
     
  5. Amidala_Skywalker

    Amidala_Skywalker Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2001
    Thanks for replying! :) I?m so grateful!

    ThrawnMcEwok: How about we at least start with Ark here? ;) Thanks for your support!

    Ishy, Ishy, Ishy: Hello, you! I didn?t expect to see you. You?re a VERY welcome surprise! :)

    I love that. I love the idea of having that kind of mastery to create our own light, because that is the power and right, really, of every being ever created. It's like Abraham Lincoln who said that "We are only as happy as we make up our minds to be."

    I couldn?t agree more. I think it?s up to us to pave our own futures because no one should do it for us.

    Yes, the dichotomy of ultimate freedom to have happiness or goodness, but we are our own venoms because only we know how to craft what will destroy us.

    Okay, beautiful sentence, Ish. You?re right again.

    Interesting phrasing there. Love the loss of...semblance.

    Thank you. I didn?t want to go into overload with Tenel Ka bearing her feelings, but then again, I didn?t want her to come off cold and unaffected. I think that was a nice compromise.

    I wanted more of this, always felt a compassion for the woman who left everything behind for the unknown..

    I don?t read as many EU books as I should (hehe), but I couldn?t believe it when I was told Teneniel showed up in COPR and then wasn?t seen again until DJ. There honestly wasn?t much said about her life, which I think is a shame.

    That's why I believe this is canon.

    The missing part?

    Wonder why balance demands it or if she's mistaken in this balance.

    She could have been mistaken, yes, because dream!Jacen had to inform her about balance point. She was halfway there with her musings about grey and balance. I think she believes balance demands them to be together because they are suited. Balance is achieved in many different ways, including love. So you have two answers to that.

    Thank you, Ish!

    Jaina_Solo_59: Thank you! :)


    *pokes around* Can I snag anyone else to reply? *puts on Batman song* Lurkers, lurkers, lurkers?.LUR-KERS!

    Ams [face_love]
     
  6. MistiWhitesun

    MistiWhitesun Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 16, 2004
    [face_laugh] I'm sorry?I find Tenel Ka mixing up visions and reality so amusing!

    You're doing great! :D Keep it up!

    Some of your statements are downright spooky? I'm reminded of Vergere, but supposing she used regular logic. Freaky.

    Keep writing! :)

    ---"Misti"
     
  7. TheCrazyRodian

    TheCrazyRodian Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2004
    Holy hydration, Batman! Brilliant!

    Okay, Amsie, I just want you to know something--this is simply phenomenal. Your grasp of imagery is wonderful. I think that this viggie is just plain beautiful. And it's intellectual. A perfect combination. Great, great work!
     
  8. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    I can see why this felt weird to you - it's very out of your personal style. Let's face it - you like using words a lot. ;) But you were pretty sparse with them in this one, and, naturally, you carried it off. ;)

    I'm not sure where to begin on feedback on this one. [face_thoughtful] I liked how you wrote Tenal Ka - from everything I know of her character, you nailed her. There's a certain stiffness to her speech, a certain formality to her way of thinking, but it seems softened by time and experience, in a very human way. Even the parts with Jacen seem very - Jacen. I don't care for his character much ;) , but the part about lying seemed very much like something he would say.

    The philoshopical aspects - I think I understand them. Very much in the - style, I guess I want to say, of the NJO, which I never agreed with. But it's well done, and I'm still thinking about it. I don't think I can quite put it into words yet, though. ;)

    It's a wonderful story, dearest. [:D]

    AU or canon? It could be either. I personally think, it doesn't contradict canon, so IMHO, it's canon. :p

    [:D]
     
  9. JainaDurron

    JainaDurron Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 8, 2002
    Ooo! I like Amsie. :D I can't wait to see what else you come up with with the J/TK pairing if you write more. ;)

    ~~Jilly
     
  10. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    That was wonderful, Ams. It sounded exactly like Tenel Ka, not just the tone but also her tendency for constant self-evaluation and analysis, and the choice of imagery. It was great to see someone writing Teneniel Djo. I don't think I've read a fanfic yet to do that, so good for you.

    The premise of the story was really well thought out - a biotoxin attack, and Tenel Ka unconscious having visions. I love the idea of her receiving help from both her mother and Jacen through the visions. And I also liked the way you delayed revealing the scenario until the end.

    The remembered scene between the young Tenel Ka and her mum was lovely. I could really see that as I was reading. I especially loved the moment when they both stopped to regard the sunrise - one of those defining moments that make a story resonate with its own inner truth.

    I also loved the way you gave us TK's view of Jacen as this was sadly lacking in the NJO (along with many other things.)

    To answer your question, I would certainly regard it as canon. :) Thanks for sharing.
     
  11. rogue11lovesjag

    rogue11lovesjag Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 13, 2002
    That was lovely, Ams!

    I think it could be considered canon. I certainly don't see why it could be anything else.

    I really like your characterization of Tenel Ka, because she's always holding emotions in. It was really interesting to see how the death and destruction could affect someone like her.

    I really liked the interaction with her dream-mother. It was very interesting, because we never really ever got to see Tenel Ka interact with her mother...just a snippet every once in a while. It's something that's been missing from her character. It's a great story.

    Love ya!

    ~Carr
     
  12. Amidala_Skywalker

    Amidala_Skywalker Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2001
    Zoinks! Replies! Thanks everyone!

    Misti: I didn?t try to write it humorously, but if the shoe fits, I?ll go with the flow. Spooky? Freaky? Excellent! In the back of my mind when I write or plan these types of stories, I?m always thinking of the movie The Sixth Sense. I love that film. I believe it helped revolutionise the thriller genre into the modern scary film. I haven?t read Traitor, but I hear that bird is one quick and contradictory talker ;).

    TheCrazyRodian: Thank you! :D I?m genuinely flattered by your feedback. It did bright my? well, yesterday?s day.

    Oba: Heya, darl :).

    I can see why this felt weird to you - it's very out of your personal style. Let's face it - you like using words a lot. But you were pretty sparse with them in this one, and, naturally, you carried it off.

    *laughs* Okay, so I like description, despite the fact it makes writing ?fic harder. I think I?ll have to write a fic that fits in with my personal style ? maybe K/J ;). Challenge was good, though.

    Thank you! I agree with you about Tenel Ka and Jacen. I thought he?d say something about lying and being true to one?s self since he spent all that time refusing to use the Force. I pinned psychological NJO? Cool. I wish I knew more about it :p.

    And I?ve still got you thinking? Great!

    Jilly: Thanks! Well, right now, there?s more K/J on the horizon rather than J/TK.

    Tahi: Hello! Nice to see you here :).

    Yes, I have always seen TK as a person who needs to analyse and evaluate not only herself by her surroundings. I can?t say I?ve read a story with Teneniel Djo. Why is she absent from ?fics? Why don?t people touch her? So, her characterisation was just a poke in the fog.

    As much as I adore J/TK, I think Teneniel stole the show. I didn?t want this story to be too?romance-y. As in, ?Jacen?s love saves Tenel Ka from going insane after she accepts the Hapan throne?. After all, this is the story that made me never want to write the word ?balance? again [face_beatup].

    Carr (!): Well, a consensus seemed to have been reached ? BP is canon then. I agree ? TK/mother scene makes for good foundation. Thanks! Love ya!


    Thanks! Any other J/TK (or even Teneniel) fans ? familiar faces or otherwise ? hiding around here?

    Ams [face_love]

     
  13. LianaMara

    LianaMara Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 30, 2000
    Wow, Amsie! :eek: :D This was very different from your normal style. It felt very restrained, which I thought was very fitting - after all, neither Tenel Ka, nor Teneniel Djo, nor Jacen, really, have been very openly emotional people.

    I loved the mix between reality and illusion - and at first, I had a hard time distinguishing between the two. But as the story progressed, I began to understand better the points that you were making. And while yes, some of them are still confusing, it still seemed in keeping with the overall feel of the story. Tenel Ka was confused, and she was poisoned...obviously, the thoughts circling through her mind would likewise not be easily understandable.

    And the whole idea of a "balance point," which included the dark, the light, and the in-between, was so intriguing. I loved that you continued that idea throughout the piece.

    Wonderful job, dear! :D [:D]
     
  14. Pallas-Athena

    Pallas-Athena TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2000
    Not bad, not bad :p

    As usual Amsie, very breathtaking. I don?t think it notably lacked description, like you say. The vagueness, I think, added to the whimsical feeling, making it dream-like ? weightless ;)

     
  15. Lonewolf89

    Lonewolf89 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2001
    ?How do you feel, Queen Mother??

    ?Enlightened.?
    :D

    Very interesting work, Ams. I liked how you pushed the fic past the bounds of reality, making it seem surreal and dreamlike. It's hard to get that feeling across in a story.

    I haven't read any books past SbS, so I'm not the best authority for answering the AU or Canon question, but I can see something like this happening.

    Good job! :)
     
  16. Amidala_Skywalker

    Amidala_Skywalker Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2001
    Well, I can?t leave well enough alone ;). Since I?m thinking about submitting this piece to the Archive, I went over it again with a fine-tooth comb. I altered a few sentences and changed some phrasing to make it smoother. You?ll notice a few differences in dialogue.

    Also, if you don?t mind beta reading and you?d like to help me get this archived, can you please send me a PM? Thank you! :)


    Now, down to the replies? *digs*

    Lei: Hi there! Yay, I was hoping to get my favourite word ? ?Wow? ? in a reply! [face_dancing]

    I agree with you about the restraint. When I write and talk to people in general, I think I sometimes slip into formalities, so it was good to be able to write a character that does it all the time. Tenel Ka doesn?t need an atmosphere to talk formally.

    Thank you! I?m pleased you enjoyed my take at ?balance point? or serenity. I want to write more stories that mix reality and illusion because they?re so? rebellious. It?s not the norm.

    Jayen: LOL. Oooh, ?breathtaking?. Flattery, indeed. Vague, whimsical, weightless ? an accurate description. Thanks!

    LW: Thank you! I agree with you. Surrealism is hard to pin down. Oh, can you believe I?ve only read SbS and bits and pieces of DJ? Since this is supposed to be canon, I described to grab my copy of DJ and flip through the book. I feel like I?m designing the bridge, but I haven?t asked the engineers where it will be build.

    Thank you, all! Feedback is wonderful! [:D]

    Ams [face_love]
     
  17. Jedi_Jaina_Durron

    Jedi_Jaina_Durron Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 1, 2001
    I got very, very excited when I read the title ("a real thinker about balance"! Anything with "real thinker" in it catches my eye!)

    This is truly wonderful. The balance teachings are though-provoking indeed and the characterizations are fascinating!

    My tentative vote is for canon--thus far, at least.

    Is it too soon to ask for more?
     
  18. -Tenel-Ka-

    -Tenel-Ka- Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 16, 2002
    What can I say? When I finished this piece I was absolutly speechless. Incredible job weaving everything together. :D

    I adore the way you had her 'speaking' with her mother and Jacen... it was so gorgeous. <3

    I say it's canon!
     
  19. Amidala_Skywalker

    Amidala_Skywalker Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2001
    I?ve uploaded the FINAL draft for Balance Point. The changes are more noticeable this time around ? in particular, the ending is slightly different. I?m happy with the story and I?m very thrilled with the feedback :D. I?ll definitely be venturing further into this pairing in the future.

    *taps icon* How about the Halloween avatars? Is it just my imagination or does the admin uploaded more choices every year?

    This also an ?up? for THE BEARDED LADY! (I know you?re out there. And I can even hear you scream in space, too. ;))

    J_J_D: Thank you! :) More? Well, I don?t own any novels after Dark Journey (okay, so that?s a lie ? I have Rebel Dream). I doubt I could keep it canon without chewing on the ears of NJO experts. If I get an idea, I?ll run with it. I want to focus on writing my K/J ?Nothing Important Happened Today? vignette, so look out for that.

    -T-K-: Hi! Thank you! :) Speechlessness is excellent!

    Ams [face_love]
     
  20. Bri_Windstar

    Bri_Windstar Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 27, 2002
    Amsie! [face_love]

    I always love your writing. I do. It's so descriptive; you never make the reader work to read the story. The work is in the understanding.

    I havent read anything about Tenel Ka, fan or pro, since before the NJO was over. This rings more true, for me, than anything else has in a long time.

    *laughs* The only thing The Bearded Lady is apt to do nowadays is send you blackmail PMs :p

    *HUGS!* [:D]

    ETA: Was she poisoned in the NJO? :confused: I dont even remember. :p If not, thats the only thing that would make this AU. :)
     
  21. Amidala_Skywalker

    Amidala_Skywalker Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2001
    Bri: [:D] Heya, darling! I didn?t expect to see you here! Thank you so very much! [face_love]

    After DJ, I don?t think TK made much of an appearance. Of course, I haven?t read any of the other books, so I could be confused. I remember hearing someone tell me she fulfilled her roles as a Fleet Commander and a Jedi Knight, but that there was no personal interaction.

    The Bearded Lady is watching us ;). I should write her a H/L piece.

    No, Tenel Ka wasn?t poisoned in the NJO (well, not to my knowledge). Her mother died of poisoning, though. Thanks! :)

    Ams [face_love]
     
  22. Amidala_Skywalker

    Amidala_Skywalker Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2001
    Uppity!

    I have a sequel in the works tentatively called ?Remembrance?. It?s set mid-DW. All I can say is that TK visits the burial chamber of all the past Queen Mothers.

    Ams [face_love]
     
  23. MistiWhitesun

    MistiWhitesun Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 16, 2004
    Sounds neat. Could you PM me when it's posted?

    God Bless you! :)
     
  24. JainaDurron

    JainaDurron Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 8, 2002
    Well, right now, there?s more K/J on the horizon rather than J/TK.

    Like I am going to complain about that!!!!!! :D

    ~~Jilly
     
  25. Amidala_Skywalker

    Amidala_Skywalker Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2001
    Sure, Misti!

    I would be most surprised if you did, Jilly!



    A celebratory UP for BP! It was just accepted into the Archives. I?m thrilled :D.

    While I?m still working on that sequel, I?d advise anyone interested in K/J or my writing to visit the story thread linked in my siggy. That?s my focus for the next few weeks.

    Thanks, all! :)

    Ams [face_love]
     
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