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Saga Beautiful Light- a Jedi Purge challenge

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by VaderLVR64, Aug 4, 2004.

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  1. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Title: Beautiful Light
    Author: VaderLVR64
    Characters: OCs
    Time: Jedi Purge
    Genre: vignette, angst

    Written in response to the Jedi Purge challenge. Thanks for reading!




    ?Beautiful Light?

    I am Shira Logino and I am a Jedi Master. I was in charge of the very last ship that left Coruscant, carrying younglings who had survived the razing of the Temple. I was able to save seven of them, seven lives out of the hundreds of young ones that once dwelled in those vaulted halls. Seven. It is a number that haunts me.

    We are hiding in a cave right now but I know that our hours here are almost over. Even now I can sense the rumble of the Imperial troops on their way to us. They will find us; I have no illusions about that.

    We have a few hours at most. So we sit here together and I wonder how it all came down to this. They?re just children and now they are hiding in a cave, listening for the approach of their executioners.

    They?re trying to be brave. My own padawan, Gorn, stands in the corner. His face is pale and he does not even try to give me a reassuring smile. We?re done for and he knows it. He won?t pretend that our fate is anything other than what it is. Death.

    There are two little girls huddled in the corner. They are holding each other and softly crying. They?re just five standard years old. They won?t live to see six. They won?t even live to see tomorrow.

    The youngest child with us is just a baby, still in diapers. He awaits death with the same silent patience as the rest of us. He knows. He toddles around inspecting our solemn faces, poking his tiny fingers at our robes. But he doesn?t smile or babble. He knows that death is stalking us.

    There is Tolina, a young girl from the world of Kessel. She hates sour foods and breaks out in a rash when she eats shuura fruit. Beside her is Marik, a Twi'lek boy of about eight standard years. He has his hand on her shoulder in a vain effort to comfort her. He is particularly skilled with a saber but has the compassion of a born healer. In the corner is a three year old Rodian boy who has not spoken since they had fled the Temple.

    So much potential, so much life, all about to be snuffed out due to the whims of one man. One man is all it took to bring down an order that had existed for thousands of years. All of it gone with a flick of his finger.

    Of course I simplify the matter. The rot started within, as it usually does. A little bit of arrogance here, a touch of superiority there, add a lack of understanding to top it off. Yes, it all added up quite nicely to a disaster.

    I have always been prepared to face death; it is part of life as Jedi. But never did I brace myself to endure the end of the Jedi Order itself. Such a calamity never even crossed my mind. Odd how it is the things we do not even know to fear are those which prove to be our destruction.

    The thunder of the approaching troops is now audible. It is no longer a subtle rumbling that is more felt than heard. The sound began as a distant whisper of a storm, but it is becoming louder and more insistent with each passing moment.

    I see the children exchange glances. They know what that sound means. They know that there will be no mercy because of their tender years. All that matters is that they carry the fatal name of ?Jedi.? No more is needed to guarantee their death.

    Without a word we all begin to hold hands. I feel the slightly sweaty grip of Gorn on my right, while Tolina is squeezing my left hand. We form a circle, hand linked to hand. We are from all corners of the galaxy, all colors and sizes, all gifted with different abilities.

    But we are linked by the Force, which brought us together in life and will keep us together in death. I can hope only for a swift and painless death for all of them now. I pray that I will set the example for them. My life is nothing, but I would give anything to spare their lives.

    So I will die bravely, letting my sacrifice show these Imperial troops why the Jedi were revered for so many centur
     
  2. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003
    *nabs first reply*

    Kimberley!!! how sad!!! that was so wonderfully done! Maybe I should go write some humor now after reading all this sadness and angst -- that was brilliant .... now please pass the tissues...


    :_|
     
  3. Lilith Demodae

    Lilith Demodae Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 1, 1999
    The first person perspective with the present tense gives it a very real immediacy. Sad, and wonderfully done. Great job.
     
  4. isola

    isola Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 16, 2004
    That was so sad! You brought such a dreadful immediacy too it - with all the children knowing they're going to die - and the Imperials coming to do it in person rather than blast them from a distance. I'm impressed by how much characterization of the children that you got in such a short space. It actually made me think of how relatively bloodless the movies are, in comparison to what we know happens.
     
  5. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    :_|

    That was truly heartwrenching. :( Beautifully written, lyrical and wonderful characterization of the OCs . . . but I still wish with all my heart you hadn't made me imagine it. :_|

    Wonderfully written. :)
     
  6. Gina

    Gina Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Oh, that was so sad. You brought so much across in such a short piece - the children's fear, the utter loss of hope (not just for themselves but the entire Order). This was just so tragic.

    Masterfully written, as always!


     
  7. trfcrugby

    trfcrugby Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2004
    Awesome post. I like first person writing, when it is done as well as this piece.
     
  8. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Community Squirrel Whisperer star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    VaderLVR-- I knew it would be awesome. Again, someone's left me in tears.
     
  9. Shaindl

    Shaindl Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Beautiful job, VL. Heartbreakingly sad, but wonderfully written.

    Shaindl
     
  10. AnakinsHeir

    AnakinsHeir Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 2, 2004
    I manage to open my eyes one last time and I see a slight smile on Gorn?s face. He?s gone home to the Force. I?m going there, too. What a beautiful light it is?

    Nicely done, but :_|! Good work.
     
  11. Mjsullivan

    Mjsullivan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 8, 2003
    Vader, How excellent, yet again!

    So much potential, so much life, all about to be snuffed out due to the whims of one man. One man is all it took to bring down an order that had existed for thousands of years. All of it gone with a flick of his finger.

    In that one paragraph you both personalised and generalised the downfall of the Jedi Order. Very, very well done!

    And this was another fic that ended on a slightly positive note, which is asolutely great :D The Jedi arent afraid to die, after all - there is no death. Only the Force.

    Extremely well done Vader!
     
  12. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Thanks to everyone who read this!

    Layren Thank you so much! Yes, please go write some humor. I think you have an assignment on our beautiful Obi-Wan, don't you? :D

    Lillith Demodae Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. I actually wrote it and then went back and put it in first person because it seemed to work better for this particular piece.

    isola Thanks! didn't want to dwell on the manner of their deaths, just that their executions were handled in person and no mercy was granted even to children. To me that is the most chilling part of the Purge. :(

    JediNemesis Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it.

    Gina Thank you so much! You always have such kind words to say. [face_blush]

    trcrugby Thank you! I'm enjoying your work very much, so it's nice to have you drop in on one of mine!

    Healer_Leona Thank you! It means a lot that you liked it, I've read your work and you're an amazing author!

    Shaindl WOW! Thanks so much.

    AnakinsHeir I know :_| Stupid old Palpy!

    Mjsullivan I thought it ended on a positive note, too. She wasn't afraid to die and knew the Force would welcome her when she did. Thanks for reading!



     
  13. VadersMistress

    VadersMistress Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 7, 2004
    You didn't tell me you wrote this! I like it! Really, and I'm not just sucking up! Good work.
     
  14. sdhfs

    sdhfs Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 22, 2004

    Sad but amazing is my comment.
     
  15. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Oh my!!! This was sad! :_| And so full of anguish indeed! Especially these lines! I loved how you went into so much details!

    Without a word we all begin to hold hands. I feel the slightly sweaty grip of Gorn on my right, while Tolina is squeezing my left hand. We form a circle, hand linked to hand. We are from all corners of the galaxy, all colors and sizes, all gifted with different abilities.

    But we are linked by the Force, which brought us together in life and will keep us together in death. I can hope only for a swift and painless death for all of them now. I pray that I will set the example for them. My life is nothing, but I would give anything to spare their lives.

    So I will die bravely, letting my sacrifice show these Imperial troops why the Jedi were revered for so many centuries. Not because I am brave, but because I am afraid.

    We will die; there is no stopping that now. But it is my hope that somewhere, somehow the Jedi Order will survive. If that could be accomplished through my death then I would gladly throw myself on my own blade.


    Great job VaderLVR64!!!!
     
  16. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    Wow. Im speechless and I'm sitting here with the screen blurred through a flood of tears. :_|
     
  17. JediMaster_Jen

    JediMaster_Jen Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2002
    :(:_|OMG! I had to grab my tissue box. If we have to see something like the younglings dying in ep.3, I'm going to be balling my eyes out in the theatre.
     
  18. Jedi Trace

    Jedi Trace SouthEast RSA star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Dec 15, 1999
    I've been sitting here for about 20 minutes now trying to think of a coherent way to say how much this piece touched me. There simply isn't an emoticon in the world to express it.

    I went through a whole gamut of emotions while reading this: horror, anger, nausea , grief, sadness, joy, and relief. It reminded me very much of the accounts of how some Christians met their deaths during the persecution by the Roman empire.

    I used to say that James Luceno was the only SW author who had ever made me cry. I'll have to ammend that now.
     
  19. kristeh

    kristeh Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 24, 2003
    I'm fighting back tears now. That was simply superb! So much feeling in such a short piece-I'm not sure how you do it, but it is amazing.

    You know, getting tossed down a reactor shaft was much too easy on Palpy. I'd have liked to have seen him suffer a bit first.

    Kristeh
     
  20. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Thanks to everyone who read this!

    VadersMistress I don't tell you EVERYTHING you know! Thanks for reading...now go clean your room.

    sdhfs Thanks for reading, I'm glad you liked it.

    Kynstar I guess as a parent, my first thought when I considered the Purge was the death of all the young ones in the Temple, thus this little viggie was born. Thanks (as always) for reading!

    obi_ew Well if I made you cry then my work is done. At least I didn't add a little dead Obi while I was at it.

    JediMaster_Jen I"m already planning on bringing a BIG box of tissues to see ROTS. I'm gonna need them. Thanks for reading!

    Jedi Trace I WAS thinking of all the peoples that have been persecuted and I was wondering how someone allows themself to be talked into doing the dirty work. I thought this was a plausible scenario, I hope so anyway! Thanks for reading!

    kristeh Yes, the reactor shaft was WAY too good for old Palps. I won't even say what I think is appropriate, this is a family friendly board, after all! Thanks for reading!
     
  21. Enji

    Enji Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    May 14, 2002
    Oh dear, that was so moving! :_|

    I've always found it so sad, when I first realised that the Jedi Purge must have included children, and you depicted them so wonderfully! It's so cruel, all they ever did was being born with the Force... :_|
     
  22. Knight-Ander

    Knight-Ander Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2002
    *sniff-sniff*

    Nicely done, LVR, very sad. :(

    We hear his words and we find comfort in them. The shouts of the men are drowned out by the sound of Gorn?s voice. We ignore the men and their weapons. I feel something slam into my back and I fall to my knees. I see the children falling one by one. Abruptly the song is cut short and I feel Gorn fall beside me.

    I manage to open my eyes one last time and I see a slight smile on Gorn?s face. He?s gone home to the Force. I?m going there, too. What a beautiful light it is?


    Those last paragraphs really gripped my heart, but it was good to see the Jedi and the children fade into the Force.

    Well done. :)
     
  23. Zane-Marit

    Zane-Marit Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2003
    WOW...What can I say that hasn't already been said.

    Let me ask you...Don't you ever get tired of making the rest of us question why we bother to write fiction?!?

    Every time I think I'm improving, I make the one mistake of reading one of yours and reality crashes in...oh well.
     
  24. tangled_sphere

    tangled_sphere Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 28, 2003
    That was wonderful! I could just hear the stormtroopers coming in on them. And I was scared! I wanted to save them all!!! :_|

    That was so very well done, VL, the song at the end, was so touching. I know she would have given her own life for the children. So sad and very well done!
     
  25. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Uppers for the Challenge! ;)
     
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