Before - Legends Becoming (Carth/Revan - a short story of Revan leaving for the Unknown Regions - complete!)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obaona, Feb 14, 2010.

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  1. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 18, 2002
    Hi! :D

    Title: Becoming
    Characters: LSF Revan, Carth, Mission, Zaalbar, Canderous, Jolee, Juhani, Bastila
    Genre: drama, romance
    Summary: The story of Revan leaving for the Unknown Regions, set between KOTOR I and II.
    A/N: Thank you so much to Pallas_Athena for the excellent beta.

    This is a short story that will posted in three or four parts. Feedback is loved!

    ?But it was like the war didn?t end for her. She would keep remembering things she had done, and it kept driving her. She kept using it as a wall between us. And I think she finally remembered something terrible she had done during the Mandalorian Wars. And she went to put an end to it. She left without warning. She didn?t say where, only that it was a place she could not take anyone she loved.?

    --- Carth Onasi, KOTOR II

    Revan supposed it was some sort of unintentional apology. She?d gotten part of one, more formal and much later, along with the usual trope of ?it was necessary? and ?ultimately good for you,? but the box of her things meant far more to her than mere words. They were tangible remnants of her past, things imbued with meaning and memory.

    She had wondered at first why they kept them ? didn?t burn them, destroy them. Then she realized they were like pieces of the puzzle of Darth Revan?s fall, the only knowledge left, since they?d burned the ultimate truth from her mind in their vaunted Jedi mercy.

    Since she had fought for the Republic, killed for it, nearly died for it, she supposed they considered her trustworthy enough to bring her in on her own history ? to let her into the mystery some of them wanted to solve, the flaw in their training that had led so many Jedi Knights to the Dark Side. And not only that, but that they had not just fallen, but done so with such completeness. What had happened, what aspect of war had entwined inside of them, twisting their thinking and leading to such a quiet, vast [i]turn[/i]? With her, Revan, in the forefront, able to take so many with her, to her cause ? she could only have done so with the complete understanding of just how the Jedi had failed, what the flaw was. Or so some thought.

    Bastila was the one who gave them to her, a slight apologetic smile, quiet and unsure. Her fall to the Dark Side remained with her, and Revan thought it always would ? Bastila could not forget, as she had.

    ?I hope you find some explanation in them,? Bastila said. ?For all of us, who don?t understand what happened.? Revan heavily suspected that it had been Bastila?s idea to give them to her, and Revan wondered if it was because she thought Revan was strong enough, now, to face it ? her past ? so completely. She was near-certain that the Jedi had fought Bastila on that point, their faith in Revan shaky. Bastila, of all the Jedi ? far more than even Juhani or Jolee ? understood her. She'd understood Revan's fury at being deceived, the feeling of betrayal, and it had been that understanding that had shaped Revan after Bastila's capture and her feelings on the Jedi and her path while on her own. So it was not surprising that Bastila had understood this, too.

    The items were in a box. Her mask lay on top and on the bottom lay her robes, with crystals attuned to Dark energy.

    Not at all like Jedi robes, dark, fitted, almost like armor, with superior technology embedded to designed to increase her reflexes, heal her wounds, with flat, little stones too small for a lightsaber laid out in lines, quixoni stones that didn?t gleam or shine with an inner light like the crystals, but nevertheless could be used as focuses for the Force. She took the mask in her hands, fingers tracing over the slat that would be before her eyes.

    Darth Revan had known well, she supposed, the power of an inhuman symbol. Unstoppable, as she had been in the Mandalorian Wars. Even then, she had turned people to her, to follow her, obedient and blind to her will, so much so that they followed her into more war and more pain and death. She had inspired incredible loyalty ? fear among the Sith, but loyalty among the >
  2. MiralukaJedi

    MiralukaJedi Jedi Knight star 4

    May 15, 2008
    Wow! Nicely done. I really like your female Revan.
  3. Pallas-Athena

    Pallas-Athena TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

    Nov 29, 2000
    I love the day-in-the-life feel this fic has and how you begin to incorporate what we know will turn out to be a very big decision on Revan's part into her everyday activities. It builds the bridge nicely from when we last see Revan at the end of kotor and what we know of her actions from kotor 2.

    I like how the group stays relatively close together. So many fics have them all split up, even really soon after the end of the game. I don't see that happening, especially not with Mission and Zaalbar.
  4. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 18, 2002
    MiralukaJedi: Thanks! Female Revan is the best Revan, imho. ;)

    Pallas-Athena: I'm glad you like the day-to-day aspect. :D I didn't plan it that way, this story was only supposed to be fifteen pages, but I enjoyed exploring Revan and Carth in particular, and what they would be like. The fact that most of the group is still hanging around I get from KOTOR II - I mean, it talks so much about how the Exile and Revan were able to draw people to themselves. I think that would hold true for Revan, even after the game (and all the danger) ends. Thank you, Atty. :D

    When she got back to the apartment, after arranging Mission and Zaalbar?s new careers with an interested Republic Intelligence officer, Carth was gone.

    The datapad she?d left was on the floor, with no response on it. She picked it up, placed it on the bedside table, then walked back to the living area. Carth had apparently picked up her robes, folded them with the mask and put it aside.

    She walked past the window, took the mask, traced the markings. She didn?t remember designing it, of course, but she knew she must have. She took pleasure in tinkering with things, making them work in new and interesting ways ? HK-47 was proof of that.

    But in the end, she had so little proof of things ? of what she had been and, most importantly, why.

    The small glimpses she had about her past life did not fit into neat slots, didn?t make sense or explain anything, only left her with more questions. She had done horrible things, tortured and killed many Jedi. She didn?t remember it, not yet, but she knew she had. She?d captured Jedi and turned them, as Malak had done with Bastila, but her Jedi that turned did so more completely, more utterly fallen than Bastila had been. It was at the failure of her ?stronger? power that Bastila had seen the truth of the Dark Side, that it took much and gave little ? certainly no more power than existed in the Light.

    But none of the Sith Lords and apprentices she had met had ever done that, even as they lay dying at her hands, they [i]believed[/i]. None of the Sith had been taken alive, save her. Save Darth Revan, attacked by her own apprentice and unconscious.

    She held the mask, and stared into the slits for the eyes, as if Darth Revan could stare back.

    She had apologized to Carth for this, but she couldn?t stop. Not until she was certain they were safe. The Force was not silent on this subject, kept whispering to her of danger.

    Her grip on the mask tightened, and she closed her eyes.

    Focusing never seemed to work ? letting her mind drift, come up with its own topics to think about, appeared to work best most often. Flashes of battles, her lightsabers in her hands, wielding two and cutting down armored opponent after armored opponent, in all fields of battle ? from cities to plains to jungles, all horribly scarred.

    Images of Taris, the mass destruction of it as they fled, also came to her mind. She'd often wondered what happened to the people in the Undercity ? if those journals she had collected had in fact led them somewhere safe, if anyone had survived the destruction of Taris. She'd barely been able to feel it then, hadn't recognized it as such, but she'd felt the death of that world in the Force, an echo of screaming that lasted for days, not ending until they reached Dantooine. Bastila had never given any indication of feeling any such thing, certainly not for so long, so she had decided not to bring the issue up at the time.

    Why that came to her, instead of what she sought, eluded her. The glimpses seemed so random, but what if they weren't? Was there some secret in Taris? She'd never been to that world before the [i]Endar Spire[/i] was destroyed, but its destruction stuck with her, seemed oddly familiar.

    She opened her eyes, sighing, and Carth stood before her. She repressed her instinct to jump in reaction ? how had he gotten in without her noticing? she couldn't have been so lost in thought ? and smiled at him. She walked back, put the mask back on top of the folded robes. Carth came up to her, >
  5. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 18, 2002
    Okie dokie! Feedback is always loved. :)

    The apartment was empty.

    She paced from the window to couch to the bedroom and then all the way back again, relentlessly, unable to stop. The words and thoughts filling her head wouldn't stop, the theories just kept coming, the glimmerings of memory agonizingly not increasing, and not decreasing. Taris and Telos came to mind the most ? they were the most vivid, not surprising as they were the only ones not repressed or destroyed by the Jedi. Taris and Telos were not attacked by her design, only Malak's, but much of the end result was the same: destroyed worlds echoing their death in the Force. Only Telos came close to the worlds shattered in the Mandalorian Wars in terms of sheer ruin ? Malak had been less enterprising than he could have been, she supposed - but that was no comfort at all.

    She finally stopped herself and took a few moments to breathe, use the Force to calm herself. She needed to meditate, to achieve some kind of peace before she could try to deal with what she had learned.

    Instead, she walked over to her robes, with the mask of Darth Revan on top. She stared down into the slat, and cursed herself.


    She lay in bed, watching as Carth got dressed in civilian clothing.

    His actual status was indeterminate, not yet released from the Republic military, but not part of the TSF ? Telos Security Force. He dealt with the small, shattered remains of Telos' government and the Republic liaisons that made the decisions on what to do when and where and who was paying.

    He glanced at her. "Getting up anytime this morning?"

    "Eventually," she said with a smile. "You tired me out."

    He laughed. "Trust me, you have boundless energy." He sat on the edge of the bed. "You could come with me today. Boring meetings and status reports ? just what you like."

    "No, not today," she said slowly. "I'm still looking through those records."

    He sighed. "You've been combing through those for weeks now, haven't you found everything there exists to be found?"

    "Not what I'm looking for," Revan replied, sitting up. "It's all right, Carth. Don't worry."

    He picked up his comlink, put it in his pocket, staring moodily at the wall instead of her. "You've been like this for weeks. Brooding in here all day, not going anywhere, and then telling me everything is fine. I don't believe it ? I'm not blind, and I'm not stupid, Revan." He said it shortly, perfunctorily, as if he'd rehearsed it in his mind.

    Maybe he had. "Carth. It's not ? "

    "Not what I think? Not dangerous? Not stupid? You throw this thing in between us every time I want to ask you about what's going on ? what's really going on, Revan, what you're thinking, what you're doing." He sighed, still not looking at her. "Why don't you talk to me when you're ready to say something real?"

    She was silent, unsure what to say. She'd told him once that she thought there was something more still out there. But it had yet to solidify, the memories had not yet explaining what she felt.

    "That's what I thought." He walked to the door.

    She got up and was by his side in a second. "It's not you. It's not us. It's me. And I'm sorry."

    He finally looked at her, and at seeing the emotion his eyes ? the worry, as well as the love ? she stepped right up to him, and his arms enfolded her, just like always. "I wish us was enough for you," he whispered.

    Tears spiked painfully in her eyes, until she took a deep breath.

    "You've been like this since you got Mission and Zaalbar that job. Since that day. And I haven't seen Jolee around, either. And you've even been avoiding Canderous. And ? this, with me. What is it? Is it that something you think you did, in the Mandalorian Wars?"

    "Something I know I did, Carth. What, I just can't remember ? and I have to. It's important."

    "It gives you nightmares every night. You think I don't notice how little you actually sleep?"

    "Jedi trances are good for that," she said with a forced smile.

    "Revan," he said tiredly.

    "Just trust me, okay? I know what I'm doing."

    She felt the puff of his sigh against her fa>
  6. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Apr 2, 2008
    Gorgeous prose! I love all of the introspection spliced in with a little bit of action. Your Revan seems super realistic to me, given the past she's had. In fact, all of the characters were incredibly well-written. You fleshed them out into complete characters.

    Revan's struggles leading up to her leaving, and how closely Carth was involved, make her sudden disappearance that we all know of from KOTOR II make so much more sense. It also really hints a lot at her reason for falling in the first place.

    On the whole, this was a beautiful piece of writing, drawing together so many fragments of the era and packaging them up nicely. It left me sighing for her and Carth. Great work!
  7. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Nov 3, 2003
    Lovely story! It always bugs me how so many people write Revan running off without so much as a goodbye, and I just can't accept that as something she'd do. Actually, that whole speech from Carth in KOTOR 2 was one of the parts that affected me the most, and I really love this portrayal of the story behind it.

    You hit it out of the park every time you write a KOTOR story, and this was no exception. Excellent read all around. :D
  8. HelloOrange

    HelloOrange Jedi Padawan

    Dec 28, 2009
    Great story so far, really enjoying your portrayal of Revan! Looking forward to more!
  9. LaForzaViva

    LaForzaViva Jedi Knight star 1

    Jul 6, 2008
    Poignant and powerful, yet not overbearing.

    It's hard to write something and have your reader feel affected, but I'll be honest, I got chills numerous times reading that. Although I'm a guy and always prefer the male Revan, your Revan was so viscerally real, a perfect combination of emotion, power, and sensitivity that just works.

    That was absolutely fantastic. I wish it didn't have to end, truly. Thank you for that.
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