Saga Before She Died - an OC vignette

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by VaderLVR64, Mar 27, 2008.

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  1. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 5, 2004
    Title: Before She Died
    Author: VaderLVR64
    Characters: OCs
    Summary: A woman?s life through the eyes of her brother.
    Notes: As always, thank you to Gina for her invaluable feedback and encouragement. [:D]

    Before She Died

    Thirty-two years before she died...

    A little girl was born.

    Her parents cried with joy, for though they had three sons whom they loved dearly, both of them had longed for a little girl. She arrived early on a spring morning, making her entrance to the galaxy with surprising and gratifying ease.

    They named the child Fianna and brought her home to meet her brothers for the first time. The three boys gathered around her, each vying for the chance to be the first to hold her. Finally, her oldest brother Markus claimed that right by virtue of his age and he held the little girl that he would love for the rest of his life.

    Fianna stared up at him with wide, trusting blue eyes and in that moment, a bond formed between brother and sister. ?Hello,? he whispered and she smiled. Wrapping her little hand around his finger, she wrapped herself around his heart.

    Though his younger brothers Darrak and Rennek soon clamored for their turns, and he reluctantly gave her back to his mother to supervise, Markus never forget that moment, for it was then that he realized for the first time that he could love someone so completely. No matter what the future might bring, they would always share a special connection ? one he did not share with his brothers, though he loved them. He sensed it even as he realized that perhaps he was being foolish ? or even worse, childish. Still, he could not believe it any less. It was simply a truth of their existence.

    He would protect her from harm. He was her brother, her oldest brother, almost ten years old, in fact. It would not be too long and he would be considered a man by his society?s standards ? that was just seven years away. Seven years would pass quickly.

    He would be her guardian, her champion.


    Thirty-one years before she died?

    Markus laughed when Fianna looked at him and clapped her hands. She had walked the whole length of the room without falling. ?You did it, Fianna!? he cried and the baby girl grinned at him with triumph, drool running down her chin.

    Glancing up, he saw his mother watching them, a smile on her face. ?She did it, Mom,? he said. ?She walked all the way across the room!?

    ?I saw,? his mother replied as she came to stand by his side. ?And you helped her learn. I?m proud of you for being so patient with your little sister.?

    Markus glowed with pride.

    Fianna toddled up to him uncertainly, holding up her arms and begging to be held. Markus leaned down and plucked her into his embrace, settling her across his legs, those useless legs that would never take him anywhere.

    His younger brothers might grow impatient when he could not run and jump and play as they did, but Fianna only looked at him with adoration. She saw something special in him, and he loved her for it.

    ?You?re a big girl now, aren?t you, Fianna??

    Fianna patted her brother fondly on his cheek. ?Marmar,? she said softly.


    Twenty-nine years before she died?.

    The little girl was squealing with delight as she ran through the garden, hot on the trail of her prey. She was chasing a kitling, determined to catch it and express her affection. The kitling, however, seemed equally determined not to be caught, Markus thought.

    ?Hurry, Fianna!? he called out. ?He?s getting away!?

    Spying the kitling?s exit, Fianna laughed and ducked between two hedges, throwing herself with abandon at the little creature, who merely gave a swish of his tail and disappeared up into a tree. She got to her feet and stared up at the kitling, her face reflecting her bewilderment and surprise.

    ?He ranned away, Marmar,? she said as he guided his hoverchair close to her. She pointed up to the kitling, who stared down at them with wide golden eye
  2. Takianna

    Takianna Jedi Master star 3

    Apr 22, 2005
    I always wondered if they knew what was coming! Thanks for this great story. Love the premis. Great job!
  3. lazykbys_left

    lazykbys_left Jedi Padawan star 4

    Feb 17, 2005

    . . . Damn.

    I'd like to post a glowing review, but I'm afraid words are beyond me at the moment.

    Thanks for writing this.

    - lazy
  4. ratna

    ratna Jedi Knight star 4

    Mar 1, 2007
  5. Captain_Observant

    Captain_Observant Jedi Master star 2

    Dec 15, 2002

    Such a beautifully tragic story. Wonderfully written.

    I wish I could say more, but the words are kind of beyond me right now.


    And how do you keep writing so many great stories...and so quickly?!! Seriously, it's amazing!

  6. Golden_Jedi

    Golden_Jedi Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Jun 10, 2005
    :eek: :_| :_| :_| :_| :_|

    You did it again, Vadey...
  7. Jaina_and_Jag

    Jaina_and_Jag Jedi Master star 5

    Apr 19, 2003
    I just loved the brother/sister relationship they had! :D It was just so... perfect. [face_love]

    And I definitely did not see that ending coming! :( I never thought about that sort of thing before... and it was just so shocking and horrible!!!! :_| Tarkin killed so many people with just the flick of a switch. That's just not right. [face_plain]

    Poor Fianna! :( She was finally going to be a mother and then BOOM... everything's just gone. :( :(

    Wonderfully written! :D Such a sad tale though. :_|
  8. Gina

    Gina Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Jun 3, 2003
    You know how much I love this piece. I think the concept is brilliant and you executed it masterfully! And as always with your OCs, you manage to draw the reader in, make us care so much about the character, even in the span of a vignette.

    Beautiful work, K! =D= =D=

  9. Idrelle_Miocovani

    Idrelle_Miocovani Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Feb 5, 2005

    :_| :_| :_|

    I really don't know what to say, Kim. That was... simply stunning.

    *goes to get tissues*

  10. canadianjedimama

    canadianjedimama Jedi Knight star 4

    Jan 28, 2008

    I've actually got tears in my eyes.


    Just wow.

  11. Alexis_Wingstar

    Alexis_Wingstar Jedi Master star 4

    Sep 16, 2006
    :eek: I did not see that coming!

    Wow, that was really well done. Heartbreaking, and beautiful.
  12. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    how sad :_|she died with child . Beautiful written full of emotions.@};-
  13. ROTSFan

    ROTSFan Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 25, 2006
    ?It won?t be long now...? He stared up at the sky, too startled to be frightened. ?What the-??

    A terrible light flashed over the perfect Alderaan sky.

    :eek: Oh, God! Kim, you're amazing. I was thinking along the lines of a tragic accident, then dying in childbirth, and then....

    you tie it into ANH so convincingly and tragically. Just wow.
  14. Icecruncher_Amidala

    Icecruncher_Amidala Jedi Master star 2

    Sep 27, 2007
    :( Why is it that every time I read one of your stories I get tears in my eyes? :_| This so wonderfully tragical. Great job.=D= :_|
  15. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 5, 2004
    Takianna Just a weird plot bunny that wouldn't quit nipping at my ankles! :p

    lazykbys_left Thanks for reading it. :)

    ratna I hope that was a good "oh" and not a "I'll never get back those five minutes of my life oh." :D

    Captain_Observant I chain monkeys to my keyboard. :p

    Golden_Jedi Oops. [face_blush]

    Jaina_and_Jag Everything's just gone. :_|

    Gina Thank you! [:D]

    Idrelle_Miocovani Thank you so much!

    canadianjedimama I love making people cry. [face_mischief]

    Alexis_Wingstar Tragedy often strikes in just that way. So I wanted to capture that feeling of just going about your daily life and then WHAM!

    earlybird-obi-wan Thanks! :)

    ROTSFan Thank you so much for reading! [:D]

    Icecruncher_Amidala I swear...I use deoderant. :cool: Seriously, thank you for reading. :D

  16. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    Damn, I didn't expect that. I knew something was coming, that maybe she'd die in childbirth but that.... :_|

    Great job.
  17. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 30, 2005
    Beautiful. You created a family that was so real it gave the destruction of the planet a human angle. We know these people -- and we feel their loss when their lives are ripped away so senselessly.
  18. Darth_Leia_6669

    Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 26, 2003
    I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said about this wonderful piece. I have to agree, I didn't expect it to end like that either. So sad how a moment of cruelty can destroy so much, even if it's not the same magnitude as Alderaan being destroyed. Beautiful piece!

    6669 [face_devil]
  19. Knight_Aragorn

    Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 15, 2003
    Ouch, that really packs a punch. Lovely fic, VL, and a great way to bring home the scale of loss incurred by the destruction of Alderaan. Well done.
  20. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade Fan Fiction Archive Editor Emeritus star 5 VIP

    Nov 9, 2002
    Oooh, that's heartrending - it was from the beginning, considering the title, but that last line is a real punch to the gut to punctuate it. And that's a really unique angle and format to use - very effective. This is a very well handled and powerful piece. I'm definitely impressed.
  21. Jaya Solo

    Jaya Solo Jedi Knight star 5

    Jul 12, 1999
    Really good. I read the excerpts in pieces but seeing it all together.. Great job.
  22. Jixa

    Jixa Jedi Youngling

    Jun 28, 2008
    Oh, wow.
    That brought tears to my eyes. Like someone else said, you gave a human angle to Alderaan's destruction. That was stunningly written - in one vignette, you really brought these OC's to life, and the way their lives were torn away made it incredibly tragic. That last line was really made a difference. Not to mention, it was a shocker - I was bracing myself for Fianna to die in childbirth. But then that got me thinking, how would that be related to Star Wars at all? [face_thinking] Fantastic job, VaderLVR!
  23. Obischick

    Obischick Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Aug 25, 2001
    Well that was like a punch to the gut.

    Extremely well written, but I feel like I can't breath right now, much less think.
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