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Beloved Monster (Story previously begun on Tears of An Angel)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by BelleBayard, Aug 29, 2000.

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  1. BelleBayard

    BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

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    Mar 16, 2000
    Thanks, Lady Z, but I can't take the credit for the lungs damaged by volcanic fumes theory. There are several others who've proposed that reason for his wearing a respirator long before I wrote this story (actually there's a great article on one site that I can't remember the URL of that goes into great depth about the extent of his injuries).

    As for when Ani will realize Palpy's evillness... That will actually take years. After all, Palpatine *did* save Ani's life and he's sneaky enough to find ways to get his apprentice to do not so nice stuff by coating it in terms the young man will find acceptable. He'll play on Ani's sense of honor and outrage at injustices to point him like a loaded weapon at those he wishes to eliminate. And once he has him firmly enmeshed in his web, even when Ani *does* realize how dangerous and untruthful the Sith Master is, he'll be so caught up in it with his own less than palatable deeds he'll feel trapped and unable to escape the ramifications of what he's done as a Sith Lord.

    To others, he'll appear strong, intimidating, stern and willing to enforce Palpatine's wishes. To himself, he will come to understand what a terrible choice he made, yet feel he can't undo it. Therein lies the conflict we sense beginning in ESB and culminating in his defense of Luke and slaying of Palpatine. Those tragic words, "It's too late for me, my son," give an insight into how much he considered all the unsavory things he had done had damned him. But I don't think the feeling was really new, just that the realization that something of Amidala and his love had survived focused that understanding on just how much he had sacrificed for all the wrong reasons.
     
  2. Cindé of Naboo

    Cindé of Naboo Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 19, 2000
    How can Ani not see how evil Palpy is?? Argghh!!! This is very hard....but it's inevitable. Interesting take on it, Belle!
     
  3. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    Bad Ani. Poor Ami. Evil Palpy. I'm reduced to sputtering. Sorry. I love your story.
     
  4. LadyZ

    LadyZ Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    Jun 16, 2000
    Belle, I thought of something else, not the volcanic theory...you know... hm, it seemed from the post that if Ani had rested more and had wanted Amidala less (or later) he might have been healed... so *this* was the interesting theory ;)
     
  5. BelleBayard

    BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

    Registered:
    Mar 16, 2000
    My feeling is that Ani needed the reassurance that Am still wanted him and the he could still function as a man. Undoubtedly, it set back his healing some, but he felt willing to do that to himself just to prove he could call her his own. Her final reaction to him made that effort even more painful for him. Just a hint here... they're not quite finished with each other yet. ;->
     
  6. LadyZ

    LadyZ Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    Jun 16, 2000
    This sounds... very...interesting ;)
     
  7. DarkLady27

    DarkLady27 Jedi Master star 4

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    Jul 26, 2000
    Please post more soon. You're doing a great job!
     
  8. Princess Sari

    Princess Sari Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    Jun 8, 2000
  9. BelleBayard

    BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

    Registered:
    Mar 16, 2000
    Sorry about the long silence. Darth RL keeps rearing his ugly head (hey, I like DM and DV, but RL sucks!). Here's a short something to keep the ball rolling.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Though Anakin has ceased to exist as such, Amidala struggles to put her life back together and finds herself going once more to Coruscant... There she finds more than she bargained for and faces yet another distressing interview with Palpatine...

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Six months later, Amidala, despite the protestation of every fiber of her being, went to Coruscant to ask for Palpatine's assistance in rebuilding Naboo. She doubted he would condescend to giving his one-time home world the aid they needed, but she swallowed her pride and prepared to make the request anyway. Beneath her noble, stated purpose, she admitted she hoped Ani would seek her out... alone... and tell her he wanted to come home.

    Her shuttle had landed at the Imperial hangar late in the afternoon and Palpatine had deigned to provide her with an escort to the Imperial sector. Or so the Captain of the Guard had told her. Somehow she suspected the six-man guard had come more to make certain she remained under surveillance rather than for her protection.

    She paced the length of her assigned quarters; much smaller and sparer than previous times she'd come as the Queen. Indeed, she believed them the same as the one's he'd given her on her visit as Padmé long ago. A flood of conflicting emotions rushed over her. Though she wanted to deny it, she feared her former Senator and fellow Naboo and despised his abuse of power. Mingled with this, a potent desire to see Ani and reassure herself he'd made peace with himself and healed... both his physical and emotional wounds. For a moment, she stood still, her gaze unfocused as she remembered that long ago fateful trip to Coruscant to visit her Jedi friends.

    Longing swept through her. Longing and frustration and grief at what she'd lost at Palpatine's hands. If not for the two tall, red-garbed sentries outside, she would have grabbed the scant belongings she had brought and fled back to Naboo. What a fool she'd been to expect help from Palpatine! What a fool to think she could have any influence on Ani's decision... A terrible heaviness settled in her chest as she realized she had again played into the Emperor's hands coming here. Too late, she understood her true reason for this visit. She wanted Ani back and she had thought she had a chance of convincing him to return to her.

    The door slid open and she whirled to see the Emperor's Captain of the Guard sweep through in a swirl of blood red. So ostentatious... So ominous... She remembered the Senator's quarters from before; decorated in those tones with strange works of art throughout. With a haughty look, she faced the Imperial Guard.

    "Well? Has he agreed to speak with me?" she dared in her best royal voice, glad it didn't shake or crack.

    "The Emperor has granted you an audience," the disembodied voice behind the mask announced with a decided chill. "Come this way."

    She followed him out the door, aware that her 'guards' fell in behind them as they made their way toward the Imperial quarters. With an effort, she kept from wringing her hands in anticipation of two somewhat fearful things... facing Palpatine while maintaining her calm and seeing Ani again. She would not fling herself into her husband's arms. She would not!

    At last they reached their destination, the heavy double doors swinging wide to reveal the opulence of Palpatine's new home. Once again, she noted the deep red and black of the place and the chill within. As she walked the halls, she glanced around at the shadowed and quiet surrounding with a suppressed shudder. They approached a raised dais and Amidala could only stare at the man she thought she knew.

    Palpatine had wrapped himself up in blackness. Gone were the deep blue robes of the Chancellor. Gone were any vestiges of a citizen of Naboo. Black and black and black... As she had seen him that hideous day of Ani's fall, he
     
  10. LadyZ

    LadyZ Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    Jun 16, 2000
    Wow, Belle!
    This is great, Ami and Vader together!
    She still goes to him... Oh, love :)
     
  11. BelleBayard

    BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

    Registered:
    Mar 16, 2000
    A bit more, then I must go to sleep 'cause I have to work tonight and tomorrow night.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A young man, dressed in a severe gray uniform, a peaked hat perched on his dark blond hair, came to retrieve her before the dinner hour. She followed him through the empty hallways, wondering where the many occupants of the Imperial Senate were at this time. Had they retreated to their quarters? Memories of earlier times, when the Senators and their aides would greet her as she traversed these very corridors. Somehow, the deserted atmosphere seemed foreboding, as if the residents sensed their own doom hanging over their collective heads.

    She and her escort arrived at Vader's quarters in a few minutes. The officer knocked on the door, then stood aside with a nervous glance her way. He stiffened even more when the portal swung open and revealed the occupant.

    "Lord Vader, I have brought your wife as you requested. Will there be anything else you require?"

    "Not at the moment, Lieutenant. However, I desire that you remain available in the event I do require your services at a later time this evening." He held his gloved hand out to Amidala. She took it and allowed him to pull her inside.
    "You are dismissed until further notice," Vader told him, shutting the door without waiting for an answer.

    As if he immediately forgot his subordinate, he turned to her, studying her intently. Amidala's face burned and she tingled from head to foot at his perusal. Almost, she could feel his hands on her, touching her intimately as he had done so many times in the past.

    A tiny whimper of need escaped her and it was all he needed. In one swift movement, he swept her into his arms, holding her so closely she could feel the small box implanted in his chest pressing against her own. She bit back a sob and pressed him even nearer, despite the discomfort. He remained her Ani in her mind and he needed her solace.

    "Dearest, let me stay here with you. At least for awhile," she begged him.

    "Only for a short time, Am. He won't let me have you here all the time. But for this time, I'll gladly have you with me." He spoke smoothly around the respirator's stimulus to breathe and she realized how far he'd come since they'd last been together.

    "Are you better? Has Esmé helped you to heal?"

    He didn't reply, just released her and led her toward another room in the suite. In the center stood a large black ovoid contraption, its use a mystery to her. With a flurry of numbers punched into a pad on the side, he activated it. Steam hissed from the thing as its jaws opened to reveal a small circular chamber. Inside, computer terminals surrounded a circular seat. To one side, a semi-circular bench sat before a writing surface and opposite that what appeared a cot of some sort. Was this where he actually lived?

    "Welcome to my meditation chamber. Here I am able to remove this mask and feel air on my face while I do some of my work. I can also rest here... if I can."

    "May I join you here?"

    He shook his head. "Not for any prolonged time, Am. The oxygen concentration once it's closed would prove too much for you within about thirty minutes. I can adjust it, but any less than fifty percent becomes... uncomfortable."

    "I don't care, Ani. I want to be with you without the mask. Take it off and be with me as you were, scars and all. They aren't important. And I can tolerate it for awhile," she insisted.

    She sensed his inner struggle, but at last he stepped inside and offered her assistance up into the chamber. As the top descended, she fought against claustrophobia for a moment. Then she looked over at him, sitting in the central seat, waiting... and she knew she had made the right decision.

    Air hissed into the chamber, making her a bit light-headed, but she refused to complain. He pushed back the hood and robotic arms moved toward him from the ceiling to disconnect him from his respirator and allow him to breathe the air without mechanical aid. Another set of droid hands took away the box on his chest and she could s
     
  12. Cindé of Naboo

    Cindé of Naboo Jedi Padawan star 4

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    Apr 19, 2000
    :( Darn you, Vader! How could you throw your life away like that? Well...he hasn't thrown it away yet, exactly, but the instant he started believing Palpy's lies, he was in trouble...and causing trouble for everyone dear to him. I can only console myself with the fact that he ultimately becomes good again! (After a looooong time...)
     
  13. LadyZ

    LadyZ Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 16, 2000
    It's so beautiful that they still love each other...
    This meeting was like a symbol: he sent some soldier to call he, everything is dull, and grey, without passion or romance, but then, inside that secret chamber love conquers everything. And he is just the same: who would have thought that the terrible Dark Lord is still in love? Those who see only the dark robes and the mask, who cannot know what's inside him, in the secret chamber of his soul- would never believe this.
     
  14. LadyZ

    LadyZ Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    Jun 16, 2000
  15. BelleBayard

    BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

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    Mar 16, 2000
    Sorry about the lag in posts. Haven't been feeling well and extremely overloaded at work so my creative juices have positively dried up. Will try to get a big post up this weekend. Happy Turkey Day, Yanks! And to those who don't have the American Thanksgiving, have a good day... period. :)
     
  16. BelleBayard

    BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

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    Mar 16, 2000
    Up! And will return. I promise another long scene (I've worked on part of it so far and hope it meets expectations). Getting close to L/L's birth, so keep tuned. :)
     
  17. Cindé of Naboo

    Cindé of Naboo Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 19, 2000
    Looking forward to the next post! Well, as much as you can look forward to the further depressing story... ;)
     
  18. LadyZ

    LadyZ Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    Jun 16, 2000
    I was here...
    I'm waiting for the next post.

    At least they are together. And we KNOW that Palpy will lose in the end!!
     
  19. BelleBayard

    BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

    Registered:
    Mar 16, 2000
    Hey! Here it is... not as much as I would have liked, but having a serious brain fart here. Should be appropriately depressing. :-(

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Deeper and deeper, Palpatine pulls Vader into his web while Amidala watches helplessly. Then, when her pregnancy becomes certain, the Emperor sends his apprentice away, planning to imprison her once she delivers and regretfully inform Vader of her and the child's death. Amidala vows otherwise?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    She began to regret her decision to stay as Palpatine allowed Ani little time to be with her. The few times they spent together, he seemed almost desperate, though he refused to share his burdens with her. Sometimes he would merely sit with her, not saying a word as he held her close. Then, he would allow her into his meditation chamber for the twenty to thirty minutes he allotted to giving her physical proof he still could love her.

    During the long days, she wandered the eerily quiet hallways, vainly trying to strike up conversation with the few harried Senate underlings and uniformed Imperial troops who scurried through the shadowed passages. The Jedi Temple stood abandoned, the news filled with appalling lies of their supposed duplicity in the Clone Wars? How they had actually backed the Mandalorians in the conflict while appearing to work with the Republic, had actually encouraged the wholesale slaughter of innocents. It took every ounce of her strength not to stand in public and cry out in outrage. Didn't Ani realize how dreadfully his Master painted the efforts and sacrifices that the Jedi, and Ani himself, had made?

    Not long after the Emperor's lies began spreading, she caught wind of his further plans. Amidala watched pictures from the Imperial Senate chambers' cam droids as he urged the few remaining members to hunt down and return any Jedi to the Empire for trial on charges of war crimes. Her heart ached as she recalled the brave Jedi she'd known? Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Adi Gallia? so many more who had pledged their lives to the service of others, never asking for more and often giving those very lives. And sadly, so had Ani. She tried and failed to understand how he could give his allegiance to the monster creating such hatred for the Jedi.

    In horror, she watched the Temple razed and construction of an Imperial palace begun where once she and Ani had embraced in what now seemed a million life times ago. The Emperor encouraged his citizens to turn in any one with even a hint of Force ability. Ostensibly, he claimed it as a safeguard against 'rogue Jedi' who might seek to overturn him and return the galaxy to chaos. Rich rewards provided further incentive, along with the unspoken threat that those providing safe haven for the fugitives would suffer the same fate.

    Ani hadn't told her what his latest mission had been, but she suspected Palpatine had sent him away to 'sniff out' Force users. Ironically, his very strength in the Force might prove the undoing of the few surviving Jedi. All Amidala could pray for was that they would be successful in shielding themselves from even his potent capability.

    He returned in the night, unexpectedly coming to her room, shaken and terribly subdued. Without a word, he swept her from her bed and strode with her in his arms through the deserted corridors to his quarters. She clung to him, feeling naked in her thin nightgown and loose hair. He opened his chamber, lay her on the bunk, then ordered the droids to divest him of his mask and respirator.

    "Ani?" she ventured once the whirring and clicking of the droids as they withdrew the equipment quieted.

    "I can't talk about it, Am. All I ask is that you hold me. I've made the oxygen concentration thirty percent." He knelt beside her, such torment in his eyes she bit her lip, trying not to cry out her own pain. "Stay with me."

    "Of course, love. But what of you? I thought--"

    "It doesn't matter right now. I'll tolerate it. I?I just need to feel you close to me. At least this once, I'll endure it. I?I just ne
     
  20. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    Poor Ami. She tried to help her husband but it didn't work. this is so sad. I liked the foreshadowing in one of your earlier posts.

    ...but for that of the child her love created. Perhaps she should leave now, before such a thing could happen, but perversely, she wanted that living proof that all she'd cared for in Ani hadn't died. Indeed, she had begun to believe it might be the only way to defeat the Emperor and return Ani to the light.

    Such a prophetic statement.
     
  21. LadyZ

    LadyZ Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 16, 2000
    He is toying with them! He enjoys torturing them! (Ok, I know it, but reading it I'm getting furious...)
    He will have a very easy death...
     
  22. BelleBayard

    BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

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    Mar 16, 2000
    Indeed. After watching the Discovery channel's 'The Secret Lives of Cats' I seriously thought of Palpatine like a cat (Hey, don't get me wrong. I love my cats, but the *are* killers who love to play with their pray before the end.). He *is* toying with them before he makes his final kill. I don't know if GL will actually show him doing Amidala in or just hint at it. I'm debating myself whether or not to have him have her murdered or just tell Ani that lie when she disappears after Luke and Leia's birth. This is *so* sad. I'll have to remember to bring a box of tissues when I go to see Ep. III because no matter how GL decides, it's still a tragedy. :-(

    Glad folks are still finding this interesting. :)
     
  23. Cindé of Naboo

    Cindé of Naboo Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 19, 2000
    *Sniff...* Well, that's Palpatine, Mr. I-think-I'll destroy-everyone's-life-to-further-my-own-selfish-plans. Boo, hiss!!

    Sad stuff, indeed....
     
  24. Princess Sari

    Princess Sari Jedi Grand Master star 4

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    Jun 8, 2000
    ::sob:: Poor Ami. ::sniff:: Palpy is such a meanie-butt!
     
  25. BelleBayard

    BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor star 4 VIP

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    Mar 16, 2000
    Worked last night and again tonight, but will try to whip up something Monday a.m. How about why Vader began wearing a full mask rather than just something over his mouth and nose? Heh... Bet GL won't have the same explanation as me. :) And yes, Palpatine is definitely not a nice guy in any sense of the word. Any trace of the kindly Senator we saw in TPM is long gone.
     
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