Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated Sept 20, 2011 - Complete

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by dianethx, Mar 16, 2003.

  1. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    [image=] Cover art done by the ever-wonderful Princess_Arulmozhi

    Title: Betrayal
    Author: Diane Kovalcin

    Summary: Qui-Gon Jinn was dismissed from the Jedi Temple when the Senate decreed cost cutting measures. What the Jedi didn't know at the time was that the Senate was under the control of the Sith. It is now 10 years later and former Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn is accused of illegal activities. Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi and his Padawan are forced to investigate.

    Other stuff: TPM never happened and this fic takes place at the same time as AOTC. Sequel to the fanfic [link=] But[/link] in the Archives. Rated PG. Definitely AU, and Qui-Gon Jinn is in his mid-sixties. Hey, it could happen.
    For those who don't want to read all the replies, this story is also on my website (in my bio) up through Chapter 20. I do update here much faster than the site, though...

    This means *thoughts*, this means /*telepathy*/

    Disclaimer: These characters belong in total to George Lucas. I'm just borrowing them for a while. No credits have changed hands.

    Chapter 1 - And so it begins

    "Do you have it?"

    His low, harsh voice growled in sibilant tones, hemorrhaging a cold, repellent vibration into the icy night air. No one would have dared deny that voice, and the few that did had died for their efforts, in excruciating and prolonged agony. As the malevolent sounds vanished in the echoing silence that followed, the speaker shifted slightly, arm extended to grasp his latest prize.

    "Yes, my Master." The dark-cowled apprentice bowed, and dropped his gift neatly into the waiting hand of the other.

    As Darth Sidious moved again, the light spilling from the luminous Coruscanti night briefly lit his face. Jarring in power-mad intensity, the Dark Lord's visage had been called grandfatherly, a kindly man some said, with cobalt-blue eyes and generous mouth slightly turned upward in a politician's smile. Here the shroud was stripped away, the eyes dead-cold, the smile snake-bright.

    The Master peered at the item, satisfied. It was a woman's hand, once delicate, fingers now shredded, flesh ripped open between thumb and forefinger to show veined sinew and harsh bone. Burned, too, across the top with long straight strokes, the hand was encrusted with the reddish-brown remains of old blood, and curled slightly inward as if trying to grasp a weapon in the last moments of her life. It was cauterized neatly at the wrist. The hand had just begun to decay, the slight sickeningly sweet odor of death.

    Slowly, Darth Sidious began to stroke the corpse's palm, following her torn lifeline with his manicured fingertips, lightly, intimately, moving with a delicate touch. Then, still faintly smiling, he brought the putrid hand to his face and stroked his cheek with it. He could smell the rot, almost taste the sharp metallic tang of dried blood.

    His sigh was breathless, long and low, sensual. As he closed his eyes, briefly he could feel in the Force the fear and power in her final breath. The memory of the Knight's crushing anguish and defiance even as her body was torn apart was imbedded in her skin. To Sidious, it was profoundly satisfying.

    After a few moments, he lowered his arm, still gently holding the dead woman's hand in his. "Did she give you much of a fight, my apprentice?"

    Darth Maul's tattooed visage creased with a dark pleasure, mouth twisted eagerly. "Yes, my Master. Ales'tka fought well. Even at the last, in agony, she seemed to enjoy the struggle." His eyes shut for an instant, his voice rumbling with suppressed laughter. "Playing with her was most....stimulating."

    "Did you dispose of the body as per my instructions?"

    "Yes, my Master." Maul hesitated, then reached into some fastness of his cloak and brought out a lightsaber. It was as battered and torn as the woman's hand and covered with the same encrusted residue
  2. DarthBreezy

    DarthBreezy Force Ghost star 6

    Jun 4, 2002
    Well it's very intriguing...
  3. Dyanne_Kindred

    Dyanne_Kindred Jedi Youngling

    Nov 29, 2002
    Oh he would suggest that they send Obi-Wan. He loves irony. I hope they didn't brain wash Obi-wan into thinking that Jinn could be the dark Jedi.
  4. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    Darth Breezy -Thanks. The plot thickens with the next post and Obi-Wan shows up in this one.

    Dyanne_Kindred - Yes, Sidious is rather ironic and he loves to play with people.

    I plan to post every other day or so. I have 11 chapters finished (most are much longer than Chapter 1 so I'll probably post in multiple parts). Hopefully, by the time I finish writing the fic, my posts would have caught up to my writing. I'm very slow...

    Anyway, thanks for reading and the next chapter is below...
  5. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    Here's the next post.

    Chapter 2 - Enter stage left

    The Jedi Council chamber was bathed in the mellow-red glow of sunset, crimson light splashing across the ornate floor. Circular in design and majestic, with pillared windows framing the onset of coming night, the room was a breathtaking center of calm and beauty, the very heart of the Jedi Temple. The dying light hid well the worn tiles and cornered dust of neglect.

    Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Knight, ignored the bleak evidence of his eyes and the brilliant glare of blood-red luminescence streaking across his face. The siren call of the lights of approaching night did not tempt him. He was here to be briefed on his upcoming mission, not look at the increasing decay that was the Jedi Temple. And so, standing in the very center of the Council Chamber, arms folded, face stony and shuttered, mental shields up, Master Kenobi waited and watched. By his side, his Padawan, Atel Sl'etah, stood as well, silent and ready for the briefing to begin.

    Obi-Wan glanced at his apprentice, frowning slightly. Atel was nearly 20 now, with violet eyes and maroon hair, a slight purple tint to her skin but otherwise human. Dressed in typical drab grey-beige tunics, frayed chocolate robe, and worn boots, she looked threadbare and destitute. Only the lightsabers truly indicated that they were Jedi and even the sabers were shabby, showing signs of much use.

    *Damn,* Obi-Wan thought, *She looks like a refugee, not a respected member of the Jedi Order.* His frown deepened. *She deserves better than this. If only I could make them understand that money spent on proper clothing is not a waste of resources. Appearances do matter to those in power.* Looking down at his own tattered garb, he grimaced. *I don't look so wonderful myself.*

    His thoughts turned towards Atel again. It did not seem possible that she had been his Padawan for ten years. *Had it really been that long?* mused Obi-Wan. *Ten years since the first of the dismissals, since the beginning of the strangulation of the Jedi Order* He snorted silently, *It was always about power, never money.* Closing his weary eyes for a moment, he gently sighed. *I wish...that things had been...different.*

    The Jedi Knight tried to bring his thoughts back to the matters at hand but he was tired, exhausted really, and he knew Atel was, too. They had only just returned from a grueling assignment a few hours ago. That one had been disastrous all right but somehow, somehow, they had managed to pull out a success from a very near failure...again.

    *Now,* Obi-Wan reflected wearily, *Another task and another and another. How can they expect success every time when they keep pushing us beyond the limits of endurance?* He swayed slightly. *Perhaps because they want us to fail?* That was an uncomfortable thought, but it wasn't the first time Kenobi had pondered the question. It made sense, too, with the exhausting workload, the back-to-back missions, doing the work of two or three teams and no one to pull the Jedi out when they got into serious trouble. *And here we go again.* He closed his eyes for a moment and breathed a slow resigned sigh.

    He thought that his actions would not be noticed. But his ever-alert Padawan glanced towards her Master and sent a gentle pulse through their bond. /*Focus, Master...*/ Obi-Wan sent her a weak chuckle tickling back. And then he centered himself, breathing deeply, settling in to wait for the briefing to begin.

    As the seconds stretched into endless minutes, Kenobi began to wonder why they were still waiting. He said nothing, of course. It was up to the Council to decide when and how briefings, or for that matter any discussions within these chambers, were to be conducted. Perhaps they were waiting for more information, perhaps another Council member was to join them or...perhaps it was a subtle form of power play, to impress upon this Jedi Knight just what his place in the Order was.

  6. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    I'm so glad you're posting this here! I had been lurking over at QGJDL until I left that list, and enjoying it very much. Now I can give you feedback. :)

    Ewww, it made me shiver with disgust when Darth Sidious raised the severed hand to his lips! And when Maul said that playing with the dying Jedi Knight had been most stimulating. UGH!

    It's so horrible to think of the Jedi Order having to dismiss its own knights, and then not even seeming to care about them once they're gone. "Jinn and his associates" seem like a bright spot in the galaxy -- perhaps the only bright spot left -- and now Darth Sidious is plotting to have the Jedi Council turn to punish him -- and even send Kenobi to do it! Horrible, awful situation!

    I can't wait for more! :)
  7. Shaindl

    Shaindl Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Jun 18, 2002

    What a great start! I can almost smell the decay of the Temple and the Republic. Poor Obi-Wan is so weary and sick of what's going on. I can't wait for his reunion with Qui-Gon - I somehow suspect Qui-Gon won't welcome him with open arms.

    More soon?

  8. Dyanne_Kindred

    Dyanne_Kindred Jedi Youngling

    Nov 29, 2002
    Obi should have knocked that guy into next week for pretending to understand Jedi.

    *Perhaps because they want us to fail?*

  9. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    I didn't see that second post -- looks like I was writing while you were putting it up.

    You've described the scene so well! Everything seems so different and so un-Jedi-like; not just the worn tiles, the worn and shabby clothing, the exhausting workload, but also the remaining Councilmembers themselves. I really liked the way you wrote "knowledge but no wisdom". They don't sound like wise Jedi at all, they sound petty and controlling. And what's this with Sedition Activity Investigations? Punishment for petty infractions? What have the Jedi become?

    I can't believe Zaros, who is not a Jedi, being allowed to just walk in like he owns the place and sit in the chair reserved for the head of the Council. No doubt he feels he deserves the honour. And then telling Obi-Wan that Qui-Gon was a bad influence on him? Grrr. The scene was so tense! Obi-Wan must really be afraid of punishment. Poor Obi-Wan, having been denied any contact with Qui-Gon for the last ten years, and now suddenly sent out to 'investigate' him and bring him into custody if needed.

    I really liked the description of Zaros as a fat arachnid spinning a cruel web. You also said, from Obi-Wan's POV, that it was Zaros who was responsible for wreaking death and destruction on the Jedi. So nobody suspects that Darth Sidious even exists, let alone that he is controlling all this from behind the scenes. Oh, dear.

    Excellent story, excellently written.
  10. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 24, 2002
    I remember 'But...' very well. It was an excellent short story...and now a sequel! :D That's great!

    So far, it's been amazing. So well-written, with an original plot and characters. The Council seems disgusting now, and you've written them, as well as Obi's reaction to them, perfectly.

    Great job! [face_love] Now---more!!!
  11. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    Thanks for all your replies. Real life has been intruding (when doesn't it?) so I haven't been able to get back to you as soon as I would have liked.

    Jane Jinn - I'm so glad to see you. I've posted a couple of chapters since you left QGJDL so, at least you'll be caught up here!! Yes, the hand touching. Well, I figured that Darth Sidious is the most despicable being in the universe and, frankly, he tortures people all the time. I thought it might be nice to have him enjoying his work....LOL. Besides, this is a PG board.
    As for Jinn's group being the bright spot, maybe and then again maybe not. However, the Jedi Temple just gets worse with time...

    And another reply by Jane! Wow! The knowledge but no wisdom was inspired by Dex's remarks in AOTC.

    As for the Jedi, if you notice in most large corporations, when things start to go bad, they start tightening everything, including thought and behavior (as if that would make things better). It only makes things worse as the grip strangles creativity and innovation. The Jedi are in trouble and became so the day they allowed the Senate to dictate what they could do by controlling the money.

    As for Zaros, he's from the Senate and believes that he has the power to control the Jedi. How better to show his power than by manipulating powerful beings....

    Yes, Obi-Wan is afraid of punishment and rightly so. I'll have a description in one of the next few chapters.

    Shaindl - Thanks. You have it exactly. Poor Obi-Wan is heartily sick of the Jedi's decline but, being the honorable man that he is, he feels that he must do his duty, no matter what.
    As for Qui-Gon's reception, he might be happy to see Obi-Wan or then again maybe not...LOL. You will find out in a couple of chapters from now.
    As for posting quickly, I could do that but then I would run out of the chapters I've already written and I am so slow. I write about a chapter a month! Yikes! I'll post at least one more this week then another next week.

  12. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    No, I haven't forgotten Dyann and Luvewan. I'm just paranoid about losing what I have written so far...It's happened to me more than a few times. I don't think my computer likes me very much.

    Dyanne_Kindred - Yes, I wish that Obi-Wan could have given into his anger because Zaros deserves it mightily. And I think he enjoyed goading Obi into almost attacking him. Another power play. You will see Zaros again but not soon...

    Luvewan - Thanks. Actually, I never meant to do a sequel to "But". It was a sad piece and I thought just right. But I was inundated with requests to not let Qui-Gon go gentle into that good night (not just on the boards, either. Even my own daughter harassed me!). So I thought about it for a long time since I knew a sequel would be long (for me). I get nervous writing anything over 20 pages and I figure this one will be about 100.
    Anyway, I tried to make the known characters as close to the movie characterizations as possible within the framework of the fact that it is 10 years later and a lot of things have happened. I hope that has come across.

    I'll post again soon. Now, life is calling me yet again.....


  13. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    Yes, it's Chapter 3. I won't be posting again until next week since I'll be away for the weekend.

    Chapter 3 - Past Lives

    The briefing, if it could be called that, lasted another grueling two hours. Aside from the cutting, snide comments of Master Jinn's unworthiness and roguish behavior from Council member Veendo and admonishments on maintaining proper 'Standards of Behavior' at all times from Master Tharten, Kenth Zaros had gone into inordinate length condemning Qui-Gon Jinn's current activities. But there was little real information about those activities. And, in the end, the Bothan Master Sle'fey carelessly tossed him a datapad with a terse "Read it." Obi-Wan was seething by the time it was done.

    After the Council Chamber doors slid closed behind them, Obi-Wan and his Padawan made their slow way towards the turbolift. The Jedi Knight may have been tired but the boiling adrenalin was coursing through his veins now and he needed break something very large and very expensive, preferably something that made a great deal of noise when it shattered.

    His young apprentice kept glancing at him and shaking her head in dismay. She spoke softly, "Well, that was fun." Atel gave him a shy, quirky smile and he sensed that she was trying unsuccessfully to divert him from his anger. He wasn't willing to give it up just yet.

    A little furrow line marked his brow, the frown only pulling in the painful effects of the last few hours. He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply, trying unsuccessfully to stave off the exhaustion. The fury, too, remained, swirling in his braincase like some hungry beast, steel claws tightening their ferocious grip. An intense headache blossomed suddenly, agony shooting across his eyes, arching around and down to the base of his skull. He moved his shoulders in a futile attempt to release the stress and tension, to no avail. It had not been a good day.

    He rubbed his eyes slightly, in one last attempt to push the pain aside and then, gesturing towards the turbolift, he told his weary Padawan. "I need to walk for a while. You go back to our quarters and get some rest. I'll be along shortly."

    But Atel had other ideas. With quick, feline grace, she moved closer and touched his worn sleeve. "Master, I must respectfully disagree. The last thing you need right now is exercise." He glared at her for a long moment. "You know we're both exhausted. Come back with me. Rest." She grinned slyly. "I'll make you a nice cup of tea."

    Obi-Wan snorted at that. Tea would not relieve his concerns or that blasted fury lingering behind the pain. He needed to walk - no, run as far and as fast as he was able - needed to do something to lash out at the incredible injustice of it all. But he could not, would not. That's not what a Jedi Master would do. He smiled slightly at his concerned apprentice, her violet eyes searching his haggard face.

    "Padawan, I truly appreciate your concern but I must do this, to think about what just went on in the Council chambers. You can go back to our quarters if you wish or you can come with me. Your choice."

    "My place is by your side, Master."

    Her words seemed to echo forever in the darkening hallway. Another Padawan had said those very words to his Master and meant them, meant them then and meant them now. Obi-Wan blinked away sudden tears. *Ten years. Ten years since I last saw Qui-Gon? How is that possible? I should have tried harder to contact him. I should have made sure he was all right. Will he understand the circumstances? Do I? Do I have enough courage to look my Master in the face after a decade with that shame? * Growling, he slammed down hard on his thoughts. Now was not the time for this. When he saw Qui-Gon Jinn again, there would be moments enough for regrets and apologies.

    "Come then."

    With one last longing look at the lone working turbolift, Atel sighed lightly and fell into step beside her wearied Master. They turned as one towards the stairs and began the long, slow descent towards the living quarte
  14. Shaindl

    Shaindl Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Jun 18, 2002
    Wow, what a grim portrait of desolation and despair you're creating. Obi-Wan's grief and anger are palpable as is his loss as to what to do.

    I like the Padawan you've given him too - I hope we'll get the chance to know more about her.

    Looking forward to more, Diane!

  15. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    Oh, what a horrible place the Jedi Temple has become. The memories of Obi-Wan's first meeting with Qui-Gon were so beautiful in comparison, so happy and carefree that they must have happened in a completely different galaxy, or so it seems. What a shock to find out Atel's assumption that Obi-Wan hated Qui-Gon, and to hear her opinion that Qui-Gon was a rogue. I think she more than just assumed that Obi-Wan was ashamed of him. She probably felt that he -should- be ashamed of him and hate him. Poor Obi-Wan, to have his feelings so misunderstood, when he was probably struggling so hard to keep his pain inside!

    And even worse, to discover what had happened to the Room of a Thousand Fountains! Obi-Wan and Atel have obviously been away from the Temple for a long time, or have only had brief moments there between missions. Otherwise how could he have missed such a massive change! It sounds so completely ... well, I would say horrible, but it's really only horrible in contrast to what he was expecting. It actually seemed nice enough; orderly and abundant, at least. Although it was described as the "plants of commerce", and then there only seemed to be droids tending it, not Jedi gardeners using the Force. Oh, dear.

    I wonder what Yoda thinks of all this. I wonder where he is; what he's doing. He certainly wasn't part of that tiny little Council meeting. Is -he- still at the Temple?

    You've painted such a terrible picture of the Temple, how it's changed for the worse and fallen into decay, and then for Obi-Wan to find out the hard way that things are even worse than he thought -- sounds like he's going into culture shock here.

    Anything that Qui-Gon is doing has got to be better than this.
  16. Dyanne_Kindred

    Dyanne_Kindred Jedi Youngling

    Nov 29, 2002
    Darn Palpatine!!

    With all the changes done its a wonder knights have not turned... wait... :/

    It makes sense now... not good but it makes sense.

  17. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    Wow, more replies. I'm thrilled that you have stuck with this.

    Shaindl - I've always considered the Temple to be a major character in the Star Wars Universe. Its beauty and serenity came shining through in AOTC (I was thrilled when Obi-Wan was strolling through the halls). So I thought that the Jedi and its decay could also be shown by how the Temple is being treated.
    But don't's going to get worse before it gets better...
    As for Atel, she is a major character in this fic and will be there throughout the story. I hope the changes in her life and Obi-Wan's will seem true to my readers but you'll just have to wait!!!

    Jane Jinn - You are so wonderful to write such indepth responses. I'm amazed.
    Yes, I wanted everyone to see how badly the Jedi have decayed. And, of course, Atel would have grown up in the "new" Jedi Order and have vastly different expectations of what the Jedi were all about. Obi-Wan, being on the cusp of the changes, can see the old and the new and realize that new isn't necessarily better.
    I thought that the Room of a Thousand Fountains would be perfect for growing crops - it's supposed to be huge and such a waste of space for meditation when you could use it to grow things for money (sarcasm here!). I wanted a reference back to the Jedi Apprentice series (there will be hints of that series throughout this fic) and that room had always been pivitol in the JA books.
    I did want the room to be fruitful, though since it is full of living things but it is the loss of his past that has made Obi-Wan so despairing.

    Yes, Obi-Wan and Atel have been on back-to-back missions for quite some time. That's why poor Obi-Wan is so exhausted....they never get any downtime especially him since the Council seems to regard him as a rebel (tainted by association).

    Ah, Yoda. I must confess that I really dislike Yoda and have since TESB. He only showed up in one of my fics and he was a bureaucratic buffoon in it. You probably notice that none of the old Council members were in Chapter 2. They are all gone from the Temple - Palpatine couldn't have any older, more experienced Jedi Masters catching on to his little scheme, could he? It will be explained in one of the chapters coming up.

    Yes, Qui-Gon has got to have it better than this. Maybe....LOL.

    But...wait...there's more...

    Dyanne_Kindred - Don't assume anything yet!!!

  18. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 24, 2002
    Another wonderful chapter. [face_love] This is definitely one of my favorite works-in-progress, diane . I loved the scenes where you describe the temple in decay. It just deepens Obi's despair, as he reflects on the beauty of the past, while witnessing the horrors unfolding around him. :(

    he needed break something very large and very expensive, preferably something that made a great deal of noise when it shattered. [face_laugh] That line just made me smile. Very characteristic of Obi.

    And don't worry about your story getting long. Mine is getting close to 200, and I'm not quite half through, I think. What matters is the quality of the fic, and yours is excellent. I hope it's very very long!!! :D

    Fantastic job!!! Have a great weekend away!!!
  19. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    I'm back from my weekend and what a weekend it was!! I sold 2 art quilts and won a Judge's choice award. Yeah!!

    And now onto more important things....

    Luvewan - What a lovely compliment. I only hope that I can live up to your expectations. As I told Shaindl, I've always loved the descriptions of the Temple in the books and wanted to use it as a major backdrop to the angst and despair that Obi-Wan is going through. I'm glad that it came across as I had hoped.
    I love that line about Obi-Wan breaking something as well. Poor guy... he really needed to but I'm sure that the rest of the Jedi would just look at it as a character flaw.
    As for length of fic, I love to read other people's fics that are really long. That way, they can explore their characters in more depth instead of a brief taste. My own flaw is that I get twitchy writing anything over 20 pages. But I'll try to curb it...LOL.

    The next chapter should be up tonight.
  20. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    And now on we go with more Obi angst...

    Chapter 4 - Punishment doesn't always fit the crime

    His apprentice found Obi-Wan slumped in front of the ancient doors some hours later. Atel had become concerned when he did not return and, ignoring his strict orders to remain in their quarters, hunted him out. Something was wrong; she could feel it.

    "Master, it's time to come back." She pulled at him, grabbing onto his unresisting arm, tugging insistently. He just looked at her with exhausted eyes, shaking his head. "Come on, Master. You can't stay here. If you do, they'll just punish you again. And me with you." With a final upward wrench, she managed to get Obi-Wan to his feet.

    He stared at her, wounded and confused. Low, harsh, his voice raspy with unshed tears, he nodded towards the doors. "Did you know about this?"

    "Yes, of course. The rumor mills have been buzzing about it for months."

    "Why? Why did they do that? It was so beautiful."

    "You must be joking. Why? Money, of course. The Senate has just cut the allotment again. The Council needed the credits to maintain the Order. It was that or more dismissals."

    "Not again."

    "Come on, Master. We can't stay here and discuss this. I've got tea brewing, even as we speak." With that, Atel pushed her exhausted Master towards the living quarters. They could not discuss Temple matters in the monitored hallway; that might be considered seditious and they were in enough trouble with the Jinn mission coming up. Better to get Master Kenobi up to their rooms and let him talk there.

    Urgently she pulled and pushed and prodded him and, at last, they tumbled into the tiny common room of their apartment. Obi-Wan collapsed onto the small couch, giving a slight ooff sound as he sat down. Atel moved to the kitchenette and brought forth the promised tea, gently placing it into her Master's trembling hands. He just stared at it for a while, watching the steam rising in the cool air and then, dipping his face downward, took a small sip.

    "Thank you, my young Padawan. It's very good." Obi-Wan closed his eyes and leaned back as his troubled apprentice hurriedly propped a pillow behind his head. "How did you know where to find me?"

    She shrugged. "You often talk about that garden and I remember walking there with you many times. I thought that you might go there to meditate." She looked down and then into his bruised eyes. "I'm sorry about the gardens, Master. I know what they meant to you."

    "I suppose it's better than more dismissals." Obi-Wan's hand pushed against his temple again as the headache continued to pulse and throb. He needed to get a painkiller but, not yet, not yet. Not until he apologized for his behavior to her.


    "Yes, Padawan?"

    She knelt before him, a picture of perfect penitence, and bowed her head. "I'm sorry, Master. I should not have spoken so to you."

    "Atel, you did nothing wrong."

    "I must humbly disagree. I knew we were both tired and you were upset. I just didn't realize..."

    "My young apprentice, I repeat, you did nothing wrong. I had no idea that was how you felt about Qui-Gon." Atel looked up at him with violet eyes, haggard and worn. She shook her head.

    "I should have been more mindful. You never talk about him. I just assumed..."

    He pulled her up and gestured to sit by his side. His arm came around her in a sharp hug, then released her and took her small hand in his own.

    "Atel, I never talk about him because it hurts too much to do so. He was my mentor, my Master, almost a father to me. When he was dismissed, I was devastated, heartbroken and alone. I couldn't believe that they could do something like that to this great man." She frowned at that but said nothing as he continued. "He told me not to contact him, that it might hurt me to do so. Hurt me...hah. There he was, thrown out of the Temple, his only home, almost penniless, and he was worried about me. I ignored his advice, of course. How could I not?"

    He shook his head at the harsh memories. "At first, I requested i
  21. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 24, 2002
    **strokes chin thoughtfully**

    Yeeeees that is the question, isn't it?


    Another amazing chapter, diane. I loved every word. The way the Order has been twisted by money is so typical, and the destruction of one of Obi's havens was heartbreaking.

    That the Council would actually subject him to the torture of the Force-repression cell is mind-boggling, and shows just how far the Jedi have fallen. But, at the same time, it proved Obi's dedication to his Master, in that he doggedly pursues him, despite the harsh, brutal punishment he receives.

    **sighs** Very, very good. I love this! [face_love]

    More soon. Please? :D
  22. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    Oh, man, that is horrible! Not just the loss of the Force, but that device to augment feedback. What kind of Jedi would willingly have installed such a thing? I can't think of any, so it must have been the work of the Senate somehow, under Sidious' control. And keeping Obi-Wan (and probably other Jedi as well?) under surveillance? That's definitely the work of darkness.

    How many Jedi like Obi-Wan, good and pure and trying to do the right thing, are actually left? There can't be many, I think. It seems as though the changes in the Temple must have have brought out the worst in most people, and that either they are afraid to resist (like Obi-Wan) or they've slowly gone over to the other side because of Sidious' manipulations. The worst thing is that they are probably convinced they're doing the right thing, the only thing, that can keep the Jedi Order alive or at least functioning, and they don't realize they're the ones who are killing it from the inside.

    If the hallways are monitored, too, what's to stop them from monitoring personal quarters, listening to hear secret words that they can twist and use as an excuse to punish or dismiss even more Jedi? This is a horrifying thought! You've really described this situation well -- it's like Russia under Stalin.

    Poor Atel. She's learned what they want her to believe about Qui-Gon, and now she's bewildered because her master is telling her something completely different. Do I also detect a touch of selfishness in her -- she takes him away from the monitored hallway because she doesn't want to get in trouble, too? Or is it just fear? It's hard to tell the difference here, but I fear for her greatly, having to grow up in such a situation. What chance would she have to develop into a great Jedi in the tradition of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, if she was raised in such a different way?

    And yes. Why are they lying about Qui-Gon? Surely they must have dismissed hundreds of other Jedi over the years -- are they telling the same lies about them as well, or just about Qui-Gon?

    The picture you paint is terrifying, but you do it so well. I have to admire your creativity, too, in even being able to think of such things.
  23. Shaindl

    Shaindl Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Jun 18, 2002
    I'm with LE - this is one of the best WIPs going right now.

    So very realistic - not to mention depressing and scary. The Jedi Order brought down by money and greed and the need for power and control. And how very like Qui-Gon to tell his Padawan not to contact him because it might bring him trouble. I'm looking very forward to their first meeting after ten years.

    And your description of those cells was terrifying. Great work, Diane!

  24. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    LuvEwan - thank you so much for your support and you even mentioned my fic in your Blurred Visions story. Wow!!! I was blushing from the lovely things you said.

    And now to comments - Yes, the Order has been twisted by money. There will be more revelations in the later chapters about just how twisted they have become. I have the whole story outlined in detail so that I can add hints in the earlier chapters and link them to later ones. I like a balanced approach in my writing - where almost everything is explained. So you will find out about the reasons the histories are being rewritten...eventually.

    The Force-suppressed cells is a time-honored fic tradition. However, since they used Force cuffs in AOTC and mentioned in the book that it suppressed Force abilities, I figured that I could use it as well. And, of course, the emotional feedback looping has been used in real life (for good, not evil). Just remember that the feedback loop feeds on your own fears so someone else would not fear the same thing. I made Obi-Wan claustrophobic, someone else might fear fire or arachnids or snakes.
    As for Obi-Wan being persistant about finding Qui-Gon, I wanted that to come across very clearly. They had a very strong relationship - one that transends the Council's punishment. That will make it all the harder for Obi-Wan when he finally sees the next couple of postings.

  25. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    Jane_Jinn - So many questions and I can't answer them all because it would give away the whole plot..LOL.

    The augmentation device will be explained as to where it came from and why it is there. The Council has made much use out of it and they should be severely chastised for it. But it is useful for keeping their Jedi in line.
    As for the surviellence, I'm positive that the Sith agent was instrumental in getting them installed. That way, the person could watch for "incorrect" attitudes and use it as a manipulation device. It is definately a dark choice and instills a sense of mistrust among those Jedi left at the Temple.

    The worst thing is that they are probably convinced they're doing the right thing, the only thing, that can keep the Jedi Order alive or at least functioning, and they don't realize they're the ones who are killing it from the inside. - Jane you are absolutely correct. I'm sure that they are convinced that they need to stay with the Jedi and keep its spirit alive; otherwise, they would leave and they would be the better for it. But to leave might be considered selfish or ignoring duty and honor. And so they stay and sink further into the pit.

    As for the rooms being monitored, I deliberately did not have the rooms monitored. I thought that the Jedi Knights could be persuaded that monitoring the halls would make the Temple safer since outsiders would be seen easily. Monitoring the rooms, while an excellent way to spy on your Jedi, would have probably been resisted as excessive. However, this has been happening over 10 years so room cams might be in their future. Besides, Obi-Wan wouldn't have been able to talk to Atel if the cams were on.

    Atel- selfish. I didn't try to write her that way but I can see why you would think that. More, she is a product of her environment. She truly wanted her Master away from the monitors, not so much for her sake but for his. After all, she hasn't been sent for punishment (she didn't even know about it) so she would have less to fear. She really cares for him, as a father figure but her outlook is very different from Obi-Wan's and her behavior does and will reflect that.

    Sorry, can't tell you yet about why they are lying about Qui-Gon's history or if other histories are being rewritten. Just have to wait for that one.

    I am so glad you are enjoying this. I just hope that I can write fast enough. I'm almost done with Chapter 12 and there should be 16 chapters in all. But it's taking me a month to write Chapter may have to wait a bit when we catch up...