Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated Sept 20, 2011 - Complete

And now for some afterdinner conversation...


The scraping of a boot heel, the slight whine of the front door opening and the glow of a Force signature alerted the Jedi to another presence. Qui-Gon moved quietly to stand next to his former apprentice, glancing down to see a growing mound of torn blossoms at Obi-Wan's feet.

"Obi-Wan, I must apologize for Le'orath's remarks. She had no right to..." Jinn was quickly interrupted.

"No, Master, she was correct. You deserve to know the truth. It's just...hard to explain." Kenobi shrugged and seemed to shrink into himself, chilled by the memories. His hand opened and a shredded flower floated down, stained white and black as it moved from light to shadow to light again. Without thinking, he reached for another and began to slowly pull it apart.

"I'm sorry, Master. I'm a coward...such a coward." Obi-Wan's whispers were almost imperceptible but sharp with pain. "I tried, truly I did. Pulled every string I could to find out where you were. With no success. Then I got caught. Defied them as only you could, Master." An anguished grimace flitted over his face and then he looked down, unable to bear Qui-Gon's questions. "Defied them at first and then I got sneaky. But it didn't matter. They found out anyway and each time it happened, the....punishments got worse." He stopped to breathe, gasping for air as though some great weight was pressing down, down on him. He closed his eyes and tried to center, before the memories crowded out what he needed to say.

"Finally, I couldn't...couldn't face it again. I stopped looking. I'm sorry." He closed his eyes for a moment, grimacing with remembered anguish. The blossom in his hand, torn to unrecognizable pulp, floated down, light and dark, to join the others. He started to reach for the trumpet flower near his face when Qui-Gon grabbed Kenobi's shoulders with his own large hands and shook the Jedi gently.

"Obi-Wan, you were never a coward. Never." Jinn's eyes were warm with certainty.

Kenobi just shook his head, not meeting his Master's eyes. "I should have been stronger but I couldn't fight the fear in that damnable cell any more."

"What cell?" Qui-Gon stepped back, hands dropping to his side. The wintry tone in his voice was cold, sharp, almost angry. Obi-Wan flinched at the sound.

"The cells at the Temple's base." Kenobi was confused; surely his former Master knew about them.

"Yes, there are force-suppressed cells there for criminals, to inhibit escape. The worst that they face is loss of any connection with the Force - it is painful at first, but the strong-willed eventually get used to it. And you are very strong-willed." Qui-Gon probed insistently. "Was there a particular cell that they put you in?"

Obi-Wan shuddered. "It was always cell AA23."

Qui-Gon's retort was quick and expressive. "Those damnable, bloody hypocrites. They promised me they would dismantle it. They promised."

"Master, you know of it?"

Jinn looked down at the mound of crushed blossoms. "I helped to test it. Obi-Wan, I'm so sorry."

Kenobi jerked his eyes up to meet Qui-Gon's own, anger growing out of the guilt and confusion. "Tested it? Helped them? How could you agree to such a thing? It's an obscenity, a twisted misuse of the Force. How could you?"

"I had no idea that they were using it in such a way. Obi-Wan, the Jedi did not invent it." Jinn's voice was gentle but Kenobi just shook his head. "Listen, please. One of the Knights in the Outer Rim stumbled across it in an investigation. As far as we know, there is only one, although it appeared that more were to be manufactured. They were going to use it as a weapon against the Jedi since it only works with force-sensitives.'' Qui-Gon moved closer. "The device is able to probe deep into the psyche to find the one thing the victim most fears and multiplies it. It is extremely effective."

"I know that." Kenobi growled.

"I agreed to help with the testing to see if there was any defense against it. At the time, the Jedi Council was afraid that more

 

This is great stuff Diane! But very, very, very disturbing and scary. I'm not saying that's a bad thing though - disturbing and scary is VERY hard to write, at least for me.

AA23. Neat, very neat reference. And the psychic torture device - nasty! *shivers* How could the Jedi Order have kept let alone used something like that?

*brainwave* Is Dooku still with the Jedi - and if so, is he in a position of influence?
If so, then... *sniggers evilly*

I liked the bit about Obi-Wan shredding the flowers. Light and dark,light and dark. Beautiful.

- (an eagerly waiting) JediNemesis

PS. My own first fic will be up soon!

 

Oh, Obi-Wan is being such a man.

Stay and talk with Qui-Gon, boy, it'll make you feel better. The last thing you need is to be alone!

You know, in the best written fics, I always find myself addressing the characters directly. I should probably get that checked out.

Lovely conversation between Qui and Obi, Diane. But they have so much left to say to each other, although I was glad to see Qui lay his heart out to Obi-Wan. I think our Obi needs Qui to get through the residual damage from those cells.

And for those of us slow on the uptake, what is the reference of AA23?

And Diane, yes, by all means, start channelling dead Jedi Masters. That should be fun...

More soon?

Shaindl

 

Shaindl: AA23 or AA-23 is the number of the Imperial detention cell Leia is imprisoned in in ANH. Note that there's a rather nasty torture device used there too.

- JediNemesis

 

And I thought I knew Star Wars.

I bow to vastly superior knowledge!

Thanks for the info, Nem - and I look forward to seeing your first story!

Shaindl

 

I wondered if Obi would open up and tell Qui about the Cell. How heartbreaking.

You know... I don't see anything about Maul... could he be still around?


:: Likes to keep in touch with the enemies. ::

 

Ohhhh diane! You're so EVIL!!!



Poor Obi, so sobered and responsible and dedicated.

Poor Qui, a bit conflicted, it almost seems.

But YAY! No Ani in sight!

 

JediNemesis - Scary? Disturbing? Who me? Thanks. I didn't know I could write scary and disturbing.
So you liked the AA23 reference and thanks for telling Shaindl what it is. I thought it was appropriate. I like to put things in my fics that relate back to the whole SW universe. So you will be seeing things mainly from the JA series, some of the other books, and the whole SW movies. Little snippets that kind of add to the background but makes it seem more real.

As for Dooku, great idea! Yes, he is alive and working in his chosen field at the moment....but what field is that???? He has left the Jedi by this time...sorry... but I really like the idea. Wish I had thought of it!

Yes, I really liked Obi-Wan shredding the flowers. Puts in mind the guilt, regret and remorse of what he is about to do - investigate Qui-Gon for illegal activities!

Okay, everyone, I haven't a clue on how to do links but you should check out JediNemesis's trailer in the trailer section on the Fan Fiction Writer's Resource board. I am looking forward to it!

Diane

 

Shaindl - You've been talking to yourself again, haven't you? LOL!

Of course, if Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were really to talk, this fic would be over that much sooner....I did think that Obi-Wan would want to escape the evermounting guilt and meditate on what he is going to do about his mission. Staying would only prolong the deceptions that he needs to maintain. So I thought that would be a good place to leave.

I agree with you that Obi and Qui need to help each other out but not yet...scary organ music begins to sound....

Oh, btw, Shaindl your link to the Lesson didn't work when I tried to use it. And, not to be pushy or anything, but when are you going to update the Obi/Garen fic? Soon I hope.

There will be more tomorrow. And you'll find out a little bit more about Qui-Gon..snicker.

 

Dyanne_Kindred - Ah, you asked a really good question. Where is our lovely Maul these days? He's been really busy - doing what he does best....LOL. Yes, you will be seeing more of our black and red friend as well as the Supreme Chancellor/Sith Lord but not just yet. Obi-Wan has some investigating to do and Qui-Gon...well Qui-Gon is going to be busy as well.

As we get deeper into the fic, you will find that I tend to balance a lot of things - so little touches might show up later as important plot points. I remember that Lucas said his movies were like a symphony with musical interludes that get repeated and changed as the movies progressed. I do the same thing (hopefully well). So you might read a conversation about a particular thing and then see it later or hear it from a different viewpoint with additional information. I tried not to be too boring when I do that but sometimes, the characters need to exchange information that just wasn't available to the other one at the time. Does that make sense?

Yes, it's best to know who your enemies are and where they are at all times...

 

LuvEwan - I'm evil...wait...I'm evil (said in an incredulous voice)...this from a woman who has blinded Obi-wan and then takes his memory...HAH!

You don't know how evil I can get....LOL.

I'm not evil. I'm just not telling you everything at once...

Yes, poor Obi is really conflicted. And Qui-Gon has a few secrets as well. Snicker...

As for Ani, well he wasn't in this post but he will be in the next one...He does show up occasionally in the posts but not to worry, he isn't a major, major character....

I hope I've gotten Ani right. He wasn't the hardest character to write but he does tend to get away from me and I have to keep hauling him back...LOL.

Next post is tomorrow morning.

 

OK, one new reader coming up!

This is really great stuff, in fact, so realistically and creepily done, that I wanted to shut my eyes and ears and shout "NO" when you were describing the present state of the Jedi. Each character so far, including Atel and Anakin, looks like "flesh-n-blood" characters. It IS a very dark and disturbing tale, but we better prepare ourselves for EIII and the annhilation of the Jedi order and temple, right? I really urge you to think of archiving this once done!

I am happy that the story will be mostly about Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan - two people who had similar mindsets before, now think differently, and in the future...? That is what will be revealed, I am sure. In fact, I almost imagine that Qui-Gon will again be a "master" to Obi-Wan as he shows him that to follow the Force and serve others is not the same as serving the present Senate.

OK, your question about readers, etc. I came to the fanfiction boards only recently; also I read only "before" and "during" saga stuff. No NJO at all for me! Also, no romance. Plus, I don't have too much time, so I follow a few stories only. So, my experience is not vast. But with whatever little experience I do have so far, I heartily agree with JaneJinn about particular genres. As also, quality and popularity; they almost seem inversely proportional to each other! In my humble opinion, it is better to stick to quality - your story will then age beautifully.

I do have another observation: the most popular fics have very one-dimensional characters, where A is pure goodness and light, B is pure evil and dark, C has the IQ level of a moron. If by sad chance, one starts to write a tale where A, B, and C are all good and bad, do great things but also make some mistakes, it doesn't go down well!

Anyway, who cares? Write and (eventually) they will come. More importantly, you will feel better from the inside, knowing you wrote a great story.

 

Welcome forever_jedi - a new reader...hurray.

Thank you so much for your kind words. Oh, I like that realistically and creepily done. Thanks. I'm trying really hard to do that. I always like fully realized characters - cardboard cutouts are not interesting in the long run, especially new characters. You can almost do that with known people since you can "sort of" fill in the spaces. I've always felt that characters are not all good or all bad - they have flaws, exploitable flaws and the way each character's flaws interact leaves them open to new situations. The hardest and easiest people to write, for me, are the bad guys. Sidious and Maul were a dream to write but they have no real dimensionality. Well...Sidious does like to collect things...LOL. Everyone has to have a hobby. For those that didn't read Tim Zahn's books, Sidious collected Luke's hand from TESB and stored it on Wayland (that's where that comes from) for cloning later. Personally, I think he just liked to play with dead things.

Most of my stories are about Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. I find their relationship extremely interesting (both comforting and disfunctional). There's lots of flaws to exploit there!!!

As for Ep 3, not here but there is something more going on than a simple farmer and an easy investigation....you'll just have to watch and see.

With the fanboards, I'm reading all over the place. All of the boards facinate me although my favorite remains the JA series on the Before the Saga board. I have written romance, humor, angst and not-quite horror. I like variety so I try different things.

Quality and popularity. I agree that often they do not go hand-in-hand. I was asking because some of my other fics did not get many readers and I wondered how to increase readership. This fic has more readers than I've ever had before...frankly, I'm thrilled.

I just hope I can keep it up to everyone's expectations....well, we'll find out....

 

Another new reader! I saw this story mentioned on my dear LuvEwan's thread (I stalk her stories mercilessly) and thought I would give it a go. I read the story But quite a while ago when I was new to fan fiction. I hadn't even found the boards yet, I had only discovered the archived stories. I liked the first story very much and am thrilled that you are writing this sequel.

So far this story is fantastic. The idea is so original and I am enjoying this new take on the Jedi. I loved the reunion between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. I cannot believe the Jedi are basically torturing their own as a punishment for disobedience. Maybe once Qui-Gon's wife discovers this she will cut Obi-Wan a little slack.

Qui-Gon nodded and suddenly moved to give Obi-Wan an enveloping hug, whispering. "Never forget that you are the son of my heart, Obi-Wan. Always." He released him and stood back. "May the Force be with you."

Obi-Wan blinked back sudden tears. "And you are my much-loved Master. I will not forget." Turning to go, he replied. "And may the Force be with you, Qui-Gon."

Beautifully drawn emotions dianethx. I will definitely be following this story very closely. I for one am having a hard time getting used to the multiple boards. I guess as I start following more and more stories on the new boards it won't seem so strange.

 

Ani's in next post?

**plans to ignore next post**



Just kidding.

Maybe.



**waves at Shiela**

 

Hi Sheila and welcome. Wow another new reader. I'm stunned and amazed at this point.
Yes, LuvEwan was an absolutely wonderful person to tell people about my fic on her story. I'm very grateful!!!!

I'm glad that you liked "But" on the Archives. Actually your story about not knowing the fan fic boards existed is pretty similar to mine. I have 2 stories in the archives because I thought that's what you have to do in order to get any stories on TFN. I didn't even know about the fiction boards til much later when I was looking through everything and discovered them - much to my delight!

So far this story is fantastic. Oh, I like that! I just hope I can keep it up to your expectations!! The people on the QGJDL seem to like it so far, hopefully, you will as well.

As for torturing their own for compliance...the Council might not see it as torture but rather as punishment for defying their commands. And he did defy them systematically at least three times.

Glad you like the emotional aspect. I'm trying hard to keep it up - well with an ebb and flow to it. Can't have constant angst - then it would get boring...LOL

As for the boards, I'm sure you will get used to it eventually. I actually like it this way for the most part because I can find new fics and older fics that I might have missed rather than dig through 10-20 pages of listings. We'll see what the final consensus is in about 5 months.

A new post coming up.

 

Ah...come on LuvEwan you know you want to....

Actually, my advice is to never ignore posts with Ani!!! They always have important information imbedded somewhere in them...

And the plot thickens....

 

And now for further after-dinner discussion...this post is rather short but the next one should be fairly long. And a new player enters the field.....



Qui-Gon Jinn watched as the speeder roared away and then the night settled into a peaceful calm, the lacywings humming quietly among the blossoms. The young shadow, waiting patiently by his side, moved closer. "Did he tell you about his mission?"

"Anakin, Jedi do not discuss missions with just anyone. It is unwise to do so and against the regulations as well. And no, he did not tell me."

"Do you think he is investigating the disappearance of all those dismissed Jedi? Does he know who killed them? Or is he the killer?"

Qui-Gon smiled briefly but the warmth did not reach his eyes. "So many questions, my young apprentice. No, contrary to your feelings about him, he is not the one killing the ex-Jedi. He could not, not my old Padawan. And he is not investigating the losses either or else he would have asked me about them. No, he's likely here to check up on me and our operations here."

"Master, are you sure?" A swift, unhappy nod. "What now?"

"Anakin, it will take him a while to settle into his lodgings and then he will begin inquiries tonight. We have about an hour. Let's make the most of it. Go into town and alert our friends that a potential enemy is among us."

"Is he our enemy?" The voice was taut with some darker emotion, jealousy perhaps or an eagerness to begin the chase.

"Damn, I hope not." Jinn closed his eyes for a moment, frowning, pain scrawling across his face. He shook himself free of it and turned toward his apprentice. "Have everyone treat him with the respect due a Jedi but tell him nothing."

"And if he finds out what is going on?"

The tall man shrugged helplessly. "It will be as the Force wills."

"Master, I'm sorry... about everything. It must be hard to see him again, like this." The young one stood with head bowed, penitent.

"Yes, it is. He is the son of my heart...as are you, young one." Qui-Gon put his arm around Anakin's shoulders for a swift, sharp hug and then let him go. "We are wasting time. Get going, now."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Is he gone?" Mace Windu asked quietly from the shadowed corner.

"Yes, he's gone for now. And, before you ask, yes, I think he does suspect that there is something more going on here than growing crops." Qui-Gon frowned darkly, his voice low, almost angry. "They deliberately chose him. To torment me or to punish him. Maybe both." Staring out into the night, he admitted. "It hurt to see him and not tell him the truth. I...I've missed him."

"I'm sorry, my friend." Mace put his hand on Qui-Gon's shoulder for a second, squeezing lightly, wordless comfort in the light of the struggles to come, and stepped back. Jinn shrugged, resigned.

"No matter. I will deal with it as I must. Now, to business. I had hoped for more time to strengthen our position before discovery. Better start moving the equipment and personnel out. But not too much. He's not stupid, quite the reverse. We will have to hide what we can, obscure the training centers, if possible. He knows of my salle. Let's make sure he doesn't find any others."

"And, if he does?" The murmur of disquiet wafted through the cool night air.

"They are looking for a scapegoat. If necessary, they will have one."

"And you're it..."

"Mace, we knew this was a possibility when we started. Yes, he may not know it yet but he's come for me." Qui-Gon turned and placed a hand on Windu's arm, holding him still for a moment, his voice thready with concern. "Promise that you will look after my family. And Anakin. He's very headstrong and may protest this course."

"I will. But aren't you forgetting that the future is always in motion?"

Jinn snorted at that. "I forget nothing." He turned and looked back to where the speeder had disappeared.
"Damn that Council for bringing him into this. They are playing us for fools again, Mace, but I am no long

 

(muffled voice) Am currently being squashed by the Bantha of Real Life. Will reply as soon as I can crawl out from under him.

 

*You can say that again.*

 

I am so relieved to find that Mace is alive and well too. I wonder if Qui-Gon and Mace have set up a center to train Force-sensitive children, a place rivalling the temple. I sense a ton of conflict coming up for Obi-Wan and especially, Atel. This is sure to set up Master-Padawan conflicts, Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan/Atel and perhaps even Qui-Gon/Anakin.

I like the Anakin in your story; in fact, so far, I like all your main players, except perhaps QG's wife. She seems a little too sharp and a little short in compassion, IMO. Interesting contrast with her husband, who is usually so full of compassion and gentleness.

You write atmosphere beautifully and very succintly, Dianethx.
the night settled into a peaceful calm, the lacywings humming quietly among the blossoms
I could almost imagine myself standing in the Naboo night, in the calm before the dissonance to come.

 

You know, there aren't a whole lot of stories that flesh out Mace - I hope we'll see a bit more of him here. Hm, Mace...

**A brief pause as rabid plot bunny appears, and Shaindl tries to beat it to death with a big stick. Once again, that particular tactic fails miserably.**

Ahem. Seriously, I've actually had a short story idea for Mace for awhile, but haven't been able to make it work properly on the page. One day.

A great post with lots of hints of what's really going on. I like how Qui recognised that Obi is being punished as he's being tormented, and how Qui is willing to give himself up to protect all the people in his care. Noble, self-sacrificing, tall, good-looking...sorry, got a bit off topic there.

I love this story Diane, and I hope every day to find a new post. Great work!

Shaindl

 

**finishes gagging**

Okay, diane. That wasn't so bad. A tolerable amount of Bratakin. I'll live.

But I'm gonna die anyway, from all this building tension! And what's with Obi being the enemy! It's such a strange reversal, from being the closest person to Qui-Gon to being the one who could very well take his whole world away, though it would be unintentional, of course.

I agree with everyone else. Your descriptions are breathtaking.

Beautiful job...even if Obi wasn't in it!

 

Okay, I definitely don't have the time to read this, but dear Force, dianethx. This is some story! Wonderfully written and completely original. You don't see that many original stories around here.

It's just amazing, that to cut their expenses, the Jedi would destroy the Order, the only "military" (so as to speak) that they really have. Of course, with Palpatine spearheading the whole thing, you can't expect much else from the senate.

On the other hand, I'm completely ticked off with the Jedi Council. At least Mace Windu is not on the Council, and I hope Depa Billaba isn't on there, either. I like the two very much. It's obvious that they know the Senate is being stupid, but they follow it anyway. To follow and protect a corrupt government is tantamount to promoting evil. The Jedi would do well to know that.

Ingenious in having Anakin as Qui-Gon's apprentice, and I have little doubt that he's actually his Apprentice as opposed to simply "trade-apprentice."

And Obi-Wan - poor him. I don't like Qui-Gon's wife. She might have meant well, but she's just blaming the very wrong person. Of course, when it comes to Obi-Wan, he must have a "Blame me! Blame me! Blame me!" on the back because he's made a scapegoat every single time. I can sympathesize with her - if she had said those words to anybody but Obi-Wan.

Now, about Obi-Wan's apprentice - I almost thought it might be Anakin in the first, but I'm glad it's not. Atel, isn't she called? I like her. I have a feeling she's going to have to choose between supporting her Master and supporting the Jedi sometime in the future - near or far - and we'll just have to see how it goes.

Ben - he's cute, but I just feel so sorry for Obi-Wan.

Nicely done!

Aunecah