Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated Sept 20, 2011 - Complete

Shaindl - I can't believe it either - that I'm getting long replies. It's amazing to me. Still shaking my head in wonderment!

Yes, different people are seeing Atel and Le'orath differently. I'm really surprised but very happy. That means that they see them more as realistic characters and I'm thrilled. We won't be seeing much more of Le'orath for a while but Atel will be in most of the posts since this story is really about Master/padawan relationships.

Anytime on the comments.

As for more posts, see my question on my reply to jedi_forever. I'll do whatever the most people want....

And everyone!! You should check out Shaindl's Fic Roads we travel shatter and split!!! She made me cry, especially the latest post. I can't do links for anything but it's on her signature.

 

welcome Arldetta I'm glad you could join us....
Yes, by this time, it is a bit of a marathon read, especially if you are reading all the posts by my readers. They are great!!

Yes, the whole story is based on bureaucracy and their greed being manipulated by an evil dark lord. And how easy it is to do, especially if you are doing it behind the scenes so that people are not even aware that it is being done. I based the "new" Jedi Council on large organizations or multi-national companies. In a way, the Jedi have always been a galaxy-wide force so they tend to think in a big way. As for history, I wouldn't be surprised if well-meaning organizations, as they grew in size and power, turned dark. There are lots of instances where benevolent governments changed radically over the years.

I like subtle. I just hope my subtle isn't so quiet as to be missed easily.

As for the dismissed Jedi, you will find out what is going on by the end of the fic...I promise. Otherwise....so many questions and if I answered them all, there would be no need for any more posts...LOL.

BTW, Arldetta, I live in NJ. I'll PM you!

Diane

 

Qui's wife does seem a little uncaring towards the relationship that Qui and Obi had...has Qui even really told her how he really feels about Obi-Wan?

I've read responses where it is stated that Obi has hurt Qui...I'm guessing becausing Qui and his wife think that Obi did not
seek him out in the ten years that they have been separated...but, it's not Obi-Wan's fault. He did try. Obi-Wan is not to blame here.

Why did Qui-Gon not try to get a word to him somehow? And, why didn't he ask Obi-Wan to go with him? Qui could have finished his training and Knighted Obi-Wan himself. (But, alas, then the story probably couldn't have continued.)

I'm wondering what Anakin's part will be in all this.

Wonderful post!

As for the timing of the posts...slowing them down might be a good idea...can't say I like the idea of a monthly post, but then I'm not the one writing the story and I have no idea what it takes to write one. Maybe a weekly post? Would that slow it down enough to make it still flow smoothly without catching up to yourself too quickly? Just an idea.

Keep up the great work!

~Bek

 

Well, I love what your doing!! And I fully understand the bureaucracy of corporations. I work for a major brokerage firm and I have seen first hand how money dictates compassion and business. (knock wood) I have not yet fully felt the hand of 'cut-backs' but I have also had my fair share.

I thought your portrayal of real world ecomonics in this is perfect. I have often wondered about the backing of such an organazation like the Jedi order, but have never been knowledgable enough to attempt to rationalize it. Let alone write a story about it.

You're writing is wonderful. And I truely cannot wait to see more. As for your question, well I leave that up to you. I for one always want more immediately, so "moving fast" doesn't bother me to much. However, suspense is also a tolerable sensation. Since it is your story I defer the final decision to your good wisdom.

Gook Luck and keep writing!!

 

My two cents here, since I brought it up in the first place. I would like weekly posts so that we don't suddenly go from daily to monthly. That would be a horrible shock to my system, especially since I feel that by that time, the story would be unbearably suspenseful. However, I leave the decision to everyone else and most of all to you, dianethx.

 

The silence in the landspeeder was absolute. The uneasy quiet between Master and apprentice had grown as their vehicle arrowed toward the soft haze of the distant spaceport. It deepened even as the night's second moon rose over the dappled hills and painted the far, jagged-toothed mountains in a pearlescent light. The breathtaking scene, a doubled-vision of black and white, did not relieve the tense stillness within.

Atel's face was its own landscape, sketched in lines of moonsglow and black and green, the instrument panel's reflected light patterning across her brow. Eyes hooded, mouth hard, her stress-cramped hands were stark with ivory outrage as she drove towards the port. Unaware of her turmoil and battling his own behind duracrete shields, Obi-Wan sat beside her, his figure outlined in chalk and charcoal, staring pensively and still into the vastness of space.

[face_shocked] Do you know how wonderful that description was, diane???
I was just in awe.


And now I'm so envious of you I could just explode. I've never had replies as long as you get!! That mean's people are very interested in what you're writing about. I'm so happy that this fic is getting all the attention it's deserved from day one.

And this problem with Altel is so frustrating! On one hand, she should follow the rules to become a Jedi, but the Order is crumbling and suffering from corruption, while her Master is still good and pure, and needs her devotion.

What a fantastic plot you've created here!

I think every other day would be fine. Just get writing, so I won't have to wait too long.

 

With regard to posting times - every other day,every third day, I could probably even cope with one a week, but NO WAY could I endure a month's wait ( ) between posts. I'd be a nervous wreck long before the next post was due.

This is great. I can't wait till it's finished - s'pose I'll have to though.

Heigh ho for Darth Archery.

Nemesis

 

Hi again Bekah_K I'm glad you find this fic so interesting.

Le'orath really has only seen what Qui-Gon has shown her about Obi-Wan. I think that he did really hope that his apprentice would try and keep in touch and it hurt him that no communications were forthcoming. Of course, how would Qui know that Obi was forced to stay away?

You asked a really good question. Why didn't Qui-Gon try to contact Obi-Wan? Well, unfortunately you will find out a bit of why in Chapter 12 (sorry about that). The other reason was that Qui-Gon was forbidden from contacting Obi-Wan when he was dismissed from the Temple - he was also told that Obi-Wan would be allowed to contact him after 6 months. Needless to say, at the 6 month mark, Qui-Gon was hip-deep in Gungans and Neimodians and trying to defend Naboo. He also didn't realize that the Order allowed no contact. I think that Qui-Gon would have taken the lack of contact as a sign that Obi-Wan probably thought that he was better off not contacting him (rather than what happened).
As for finishing Obi-Wan's training, Qui-Gon was one of the first to be dismissed. He couldn't know how much the Temple would change over the years. He thought it was better for Obi-Wan to leave him behind so that Obi could realize his dream of becoming a Knight.

You'll just have to wait and see about Anakin's part. You will be getting more of his past in Chapter 12...

Thanks for your comments.

 

Arletta Hi again.
I'm glad that you find my portrayal of real world economics perfect. Having had more than enough life experience with the underbelly of corporate/governmental politics/economics/foolishness, I tried to incorporate that into this fic - not to overwhelm it but rather as a backdrop on how those things affect our favorite Jedi...to make it more realistic.
When I wrote "But", I didn't realize that the Jedi were part of the Judical branch of the Republic government (it's on the SW website) so I did say that they got donations. I had thought of them more along the lines of a quasi-religious organization that is now accepting governmental funds (with all its attachments and there are always attachments).

Don't worry - I'm going to keep writing!!


forever_jedi I'm glad you brought up the whole posting schedule thing. It was beginning to worry me as well.

JediNemesis We can't be having you go into withdrawal, now can we???
Thanks for the compliment and good luck with the archery.

I just spent the last couple of hours making baking soda volcanos, dish soap matchstick speedboats and dancing grapes. Gotta love science for little kids....I know, I know...as she slinks off to write. Obi's in trouble again....

 

OKAY EVERYONE - most people have said that they'd rather I slow down than cut them off to monthly posts as I catch up. I think that I must agree.

So I'm going to be posting on Mondays and Thursdays. I will slow down if it comes too close for comfort for those who could not bear a thought of a monthly post. Actually, it will help me out as well since I noticed that I've written maybe 2 paragraphs since I started posting here....

Wow, I never thought I'd have that problem. I figured that people would shrug and say whatever. I'm amazed and very grateful!!!

 

LuvEwan I am so glad that you liked that description at the beginning of Chapter 7. I really worked very hard on that to make it beautiful to read and yet convey the emotions that went along with the scene.

Actually, I use a thesaurus a lot!!! I write in Clarisworks first (which has a superb thesaurus), then bring it over to Word for grammar and spelling errors and then paste it here! Word's thesaurus really stinks so I don't use it at all.

LuvEwan You are envious of me??? I can't believe it and you shouldn't be envious. You get tons of replies....
My readers do seem to like to discuss what's going on in each post. I'm still amazed and very happy about it.

As for Atel, she's just doing the best she can....boy, I never thought that an OC would get that much discussion!!! I'm thrilled...really, I am.

What a fantastic plot you've created here! Oh, I like that. I just hope I can keep up with your expectations.

And now I will do as LE and others have said and get writing!!!

A new post on Monday.

 

Good heavens! I had to fight my way through an entire horde of replies to find this last story post. Looks like you've got readers now.

Atel really sounds like she's caught between a rock and a hard place here. Has Obi-Wan been too much of a good example for her when it comes to missions; never breaking the Code, always following the Council's orders, no matter what he felt about them? She recognizes that he didn't always agree, but she sees that he always went along. Now, suddenly, he's doing everything wrong and she can't understand why. She doesn't know "Master Jinn", she only knows "Jinn the Rogue". I can really see her dilemma; it's either her neck or Obi-Wan's, when it comes down to it.

I don't think Atel can understand the deep friendship that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan have, though. She seems to have been raised in a climate of fear and "do unto others before they do unto you." I don't think her relationship to Obi-Wan is as close as Obi-Wan's was to Qui-Gon -- I don't see how it can be, in this atmosphere. But I'm sure she cares for him as much as she's capable of.

I can't believe that the Standards are being revised so often. Well, I can -- I just don't want to. No doubt they're becoming more and more specific and confining each time, like a vice that's constantly being tightened. Still, if they keep going, there won't be any Jedi left!

I'm starting to worry about Obi-Wan, though. He says that it will be all right and that he trusts Atel's judgement. But like I said before, she cannot empathize with them, and I greatly fear that she will come to the conclusion that she has to turn Obi-Wan.

It would almost be good if Obi-Wan were dismissed, because then he'd be free to join up with Qui-Gon. With Sidious having his eye on Obi-Wan, though, it'd be more likely to be the "or worse" part of what Atel says could happen to him.

I also think that posting on Mondays and Thursdays is a good idea. I was just about to suggest something similar myself.

 

Woot! Now thats the Obi we all know and love. Always looking out for others.

I haven't posted much but I do read the updates almost every night. Its a joy to read!

I can't wait to see what the badguys have planned.

:: Reads up on the latest bounty hunter scouting report. ::

 

Twice weekly sounds fine.

Technical (albeit irrelevant) question here - how exactly do you paste Word documents into a post? ? I can't for the life of me figure out how to do it.

Temporarily subdued the Bantha of Real Life -

*muffled voice, mouth full of fur* I spoke too soon.

Back whenever.

Nemesis

 

Hi again JaneJinn - Yes, can you believe it? What a lot of replies - I'm dancing with joy!!!

Atel is definitely caught between a rock and a hard place! Damned by the rules if she does not turn Obi-Wan in and damned by her own guilt if she does. It's quite a dilema for her and one she is not used to. I took the "following the rules" theme from AOTC, of course- that speech that Obi-Wan gave Anakin was really chilling to me. So now, to Atel, Obi-Wan is changing the rules and she doesn't like it one bit.
To tell you the truth I loved writing the "No. Not Master Jinn." She looked at him, hard frown deepening, voice steely and quick. "No, not to me and definitely not to you. Master Jinn was ten years ago. This man is Jinn who is under investigation, Jinn who is a potential enemy, Jinn who may be a rogue." I can just hear her voice, annoyed and confused and rough with concern all at the same time.

Yes, I think that Obi-Wan cares more for her than she for him but only because of the way the Temple has changed. It does not foster close relationships.

The revisions come regularly and sometimes they sneak things in without anyone noticing...just like real life. You'll hear more about the revisions in the post after next.

You should worry about Obi-Wan. He has a lot on his plate and the pile is going to get much deeper before it gets better.

I agree that Obi-Wan would be much better off dismissed from the Jedi. But I think Sidious and company like playing with him too much to let him go...



And Jane I want to thank you again for the nomination to the winter 2002 awards. I was so honored that I could just burst. All of the stories listed in the nominations for each catagory are really good. Everyone should check them out. It might lead you to stories that you have missed. I know I've missed more than a few and will be reading them.

Thanks Jane.

 

Dyanne_Kindred Hello again. Glad to hear that you are still with us. A short heads up is fine!

Oh a joy to read - Thanks!!!

Yes, the bad guys will be showing up in a bit. No, I have not forgotten them but they've been quite busy....LOL

Be sure to tune in on Mondays and Thursdays and the other days as well. My readers have a lot to say and really keep me on my toes!!


JediNemesis - I don't post word documents here but rather I copy and paste and then laboriously go through the whole thing to put in the mark-up codes (which can be a royal pain when there are lots of thoughts floating around. You probably haven't noticed but I tend to break up the thoughts to give you an idea of the physical changes going on while the thoughts or telepathy are bouncing back and forth)

I'm telling you - we need to find a market for bantha fur. Stuffing, blankets, hair-pieces????

Post on Monday....

 

Okay, so I lied. I'm going to post tonight because I have to leave very early in the morning and won't be back til late tomorrow. So you all have reaped the rewards of my long day...LOL.

Here's the beginning of the investigation. When last we saw our intrepid Jedi, they had just had an argument and Obi-Wan has left Atel to meditate as he starts perusing the bars....

-------------------------

The spaceport was a small town, a village really. There was one road straight through the center with a series of side streets leading off towards the outlying farms. There was little traffic around the port; in the high season of summer, it would be bustling but now the harvests were in and the pleasure-seekers of Naboo's mountain and lake districts had gone home.

The hostelry was cheap and cramped, a small place tilting precariously towards the street. It was too near the spaceport for quiet and the walls were paperthin. But it was clean and friendly to the Jedi, an increasingly important point, and Obi-Wan had no complaints. Atel parked the speeder and went inside while he set off on foot towards the sound of nightly amusements.

Kenobi knew that tomorrow he would visit the officials of the community but, tonight, cantinas were his goal. Rumors, stories and hostility towards Qui-Gon Jinn might just show up in those seedy establishments. Resentment towards a successful farmer, even one as generous as his former Master, could lead to valuable information gleaned nowhere else. He picked a likely place, the Screaming Mynock. It was hard to tell at night, even with the twinned light of the Naboo moons peering over his shoulder, but the tavern did seem a bit rundown - perfect for his first foray.

The noise assaulted his senses as soon as he entered the place. For a moment, he seemed frozen in the light at the entrance, an obvious ploy to blind newcomers to the darkened space while letting the denizens within look them over. He moved down the steps towards the bar counter. The place quieted a bit and more than one being glanced in his direction. As he sat down, snatches of conversation could be heard.

"Who's that? .... dressed like a beggar .... a Jedi here? .... why .... do the Bendu know he's .... two-to-one odds on him .... Windu won't like .... I'm leaving now .... what's a Jedi Knight doing .... training centers .... does Jinn .... Jedi .... death .... wearing a lightsaber .... Jedi ....watch .... mind tricks .... say nothing."

The bartender, an overweight, rather grubby human of some stature, growled at him, "What's your pleasure, Jedi?" and then began to chuckle as if making a very obvious crude joke.

Obi-Wan looked at him directly, and said distinctly, "Blue Corellian and information."

The man sniffed at this. "Sure you can handle it? Corellian ale packs a mean wallop." At Kenobi's continued stare, he just shrugged, poured glowing blue liquid into a semi-cleaned glass and shoved it in the Jedi's direction.

"Two credits for the drink. Information may be free or cost a great deal, depending."

"I'm looking for someone. Been at the port a long time?" Kenobi placed the credits down on the counter and began to sip his ale, all the while glancing around the room. The crowd of humans and aliens seemed to quiet slightly while trying to avoid the Jedi's attention. It fooled no one.

"Yeah, so what?"

"Notice anyone lately who has had a very good run of luck? Maybe too good. Someone who may have become rich a little too quickly?"

Glancing towards the rear of the cantina where noises of sabaac play indicated that gambling might just be taking place, the man shrugged. "Sometimes, people get lucky. 'Course, then they take one extra spin of the randomizer and lose everything. Gambling is a matter of luck and a bit of skill. What's it to you, Jedi or is wagering illegal in the Republic these days?"

"Not as far as I know. No, I'm more interested in someone who may have moved here over the past ten years or so and gotten lucky with business ventures. Picking just the righ

 

Leave it to Anakin to get the wrong idea. *shakes head*

Obi is on the edge... duty or loyalty. Not wanting to hurt either and finding himself in deeper water with both.

I love this story. Don't mind if I make a copy?

 

When I write, I just write in the mark-up codes as I go, then simply copy and paste the whole thing.

I liked the contrast that was shown between Qui-Gon Jinn and the Jedi. Qui-Gon is beloved, is famous for helping out and aiding the less fortunate, has lots of friends and allies, and everybody is anxious to stick up for him. But the Jedi are called snoops and conjurors, everybody is wary of them, and they accuse the Jedi of only helping the rich and famous. I liked the phrase "the Jedi and their little kingdom."

Poor Obi-Wan. He really does want to prove Qui-Gon innocent. But of course Anakin wouldn't see that -- he only sees that Obi-Wan wants him to betray his master. Oh, dear, he really is in a dilemma.

There are many Force-sensitives here on Naboo, congregated around Qui-Gon's farm? Hmmm.

You're welcome about the nominations, and I hope desperately that you win! Everybody vote for Diane! VCan I ask if you've submitted Draigon's Lair to the Archive, or if you're planning to?

I've also started reading the nominations and looking at some stories that I had overlooked before -- in some categories, it's making it harder for me to choose between two or even three worthy candidates, but in other categories, it's making it possible for me to vote in the first place, because I had not known any of the competitors.

 

Dyanne_Kindred - Anakin is a brash young man with some intense emotional issues. Since he sees Kenobi as the "enemy", of course he would get the wrong idea! But, from his POV, it may not be the wrong idea. After all, Kenobi was just at Jinn's farm, eating his food, swapping information in a semi-friendly atmosphere and then right after that, asking all kinds of questions that a friend would not be asking.

Obi-Wan is being pulled apart by this whole thing. Poor guy.

Yes, sure you can make a copy. I already have it on a couple of sites - my own of course, plus a couple of friends plus I post it first to the QGJDL. If you want to wait til it's done, I can send you the Word file...

 

Hi JaneJinn. I don't use markup codes first because I write it and immediately post it to the GQJDL and she prefers it in Word. I can understand typing it with the markup codes immedded in it though.

I'm glad you saw the contrast between Qui-Gon and the Jedi that the local people see. I wanted to put some mistrust in the story - not only to contrast the opposing "forces" but to give some hint as to why the Jedi (in the canon universe) may have fallen. The Jedi could not have fallen just through Palpatine but it must have been done with the consent/active participation of the population in general. It's just a hint, though....

Yes, Obi-Wan is certainly in a dilema - damned either way...and feeling terrible about it.

Yes, there are force-sensitives in the area...the datapad that Obi-wan has from the Jedi Council says so...<snicker>....

As for the nominations, I've already started reading some of the ones I haven't read. There are really excellent stories on the boards!!!! As for voting for me, that's very sweet of you Jane. But the competition is quite stiff and I want everyone to vote for the ones that you think are the best -regardless of who you are reading now.

As for submitting Draigon's Lair to the Archives, I did and they didn't like it - said the pacing wasn't right. I have to agree that the pacing is slow to begin with (that was deliberate) but it does speed up towards the end (as it should). I guess it's really a matter of style and taste. They're the judges. Well, I liked it and I wouldn't change any of it anyway so... but thanks for asking.
I had planned on submitting this fic to the Archives when it's done as well. We shall see if they like it or not....I'm not going in with any expectations!!

 

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. God, I feel so sorry for Obi-Wan. Actually I feel pretty sorry for Anakin too. After all, from his POV, Obi's actions are pretty damn suspicious.

See you on Thursday ...

Nemesis

 

Hi Diane,

Just catching up on my weekend reading - and I'm so glad that yours is one of the pleasures I have to start my week out.

I'm going to skip the usual "poor Obi", and go straight to "poor everyone" except, of course, for the council and the Senate. Whoever said damned if you do and damned if you don't is right on the money. And I understand Anakin here - he's trying to protect a man that he loves and respects.

I agree with you and everyone else that regular posting is far better than suddenly dropping to monthly posting. I would go through terrible withdrawal symptoms...

Can't wait for Thursday!

Shaindl

 

So everyone around likes Qui-Gon and all that he is doing. Qui-Gon seems to be completely on the light side of the Force and is doing everything that is right. Yes, this seems to be such a contrast! The official jedi order, whose duty is to serve and protect, is mistrusted and shunned by the common people, and the "rogue" Jedi seem to be loved and respected. The galaxy is twisted indeed.

But, this now raises a question in my mind. If truly, the official order has gone so bad and dark, and Qui-Gon, Mace and other senior people realized this and decided to do something about it, why then didn't Qui-Gon feel any obligation towards Obi-Wan in the last ten years? We've learnt that everyone blamed Obi-Wan for not contacting Qui-Gon (including Obi and Qui). How come Qui-Gon didn't try to get word to Obi-Wan that something was terribly wrong in the order and that he should watch out? Granted he couldn't do it right after he was thrown out. But later on? When he had established himself as a rich merchant? Shouldn't Qui-Gon have contacted Obi-Wan on one of his never-ending missions? After all, this was apparently the "son of his soul." How could he have justified it saying that it was better for Obi-Wan to remain there? Interesting that Obi-Wan never felt hurt or raised the issue that Qui-Gon hadn't ever contacted him. Will this ever come up?

And now, he blames himself for Anakin's impetuous nature - he seems to be particularly comfortable at absorbing all the guilt in the world. In this last scene, I think you have captured the canon Anakin perfectly, Diane. Always ready to defend those he loves, but impetuous, rash, rushing into situations without any deep thought or considerations.