Beyond - Legends Black, White, Grey and Red - Ben Skywalker [DDC 2013] - Updated Aug 1st

Nice to see him having a fun birthday and touching too with the rememberance

 

I hope this isn't the last entry, I've really been enjoying this! But I do understand how the muse can wander away at times.

This was kind bittersweet... it's nice to see Ben having fun with his friends, but that it's shadowed by feelings of loss.

Good update!

 

Thanks for the lovely updates! Sorry I'm so late in replying.

Loved the father/son moments and that Luke is acting more like a parent now. I just wish he didn't have to. do it all by himself

I'm glad Ben is healing. And it seems Luke is, too.

 

Hey Guys. Thanks for reading. Despite the fact that my muse has apparently wandered off into some back alley, and my current rather poopie situation with Darth Real Life, I am going to TRY to continue this diary. Forgive me if the next few updates are short, angsty and/or horribly written. If you have any plot ideas or things you want to see in this diary, tell me and I'll see if the muse will at least entertain the ideas.

Tag list: @Lady_Misty TrakNar earlybird-obi-wan immertreu Hazel lukemaraben Katana_Sundancer

Data-pad: On.

Entry 16

Yesterday would have been my mother’s 58th birthday. I forgot about it. I… I feel horrible. My father was in a bit of a slump yesterday and I should have realized something was up. I feel like a moron.

My mother never had an ‘official’ birthday, so my father just made one up for her two months after his. Somehow it stuck and somehow my birthday landed right in between the two.

How I forgot my mother’s birthday baffles me. I guess this might be a sign that I’m moving on. Every day is not focused on her and I guess that is a good sign. But how could I forget her birthday? The day we celebrated her life. How can I move on without forgetting her, forgetting what she did for me? I don’t want to forget her.

My father is knocking on my door. Probably because I’m crying as I type this. I just want to be alone right now. I’m ignoring him.

My mom taught me everything. She was everything to me. I loved her so much and now it hurts to think of her, but it hurts even more not thinking of her.

I’m angry. I’m mad at myself for not being there for her final moments. I’m mad at Jacen for robbing her from me.


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Sure it's angsty but...it was a good piece. I like the fact that Luke created Mara's birthday cause she didn't have one. So like Farmboy.

 

Ben's emotions of guilt, renewed and intensified loss and anger are very natural You conveyed the rollercoaster ride of moving on versus feeling slammed all over again very well; pivotal days like birthdays and anniversaries will be particularly grueling Ben deserves a huggles.

 

Poor little guy. I just want to give him a hug.

 

Hugs for Ben. He has gone through all kinds of disaster and sorrow. But; he is able to write it down.

 

Poor Ben! I send him a hug too.

 

Poor Ben!!

I don't think he should feel guilty for forgetting her birthday; if I didn't set a reminder on my phone (or Facebook didn't tell me) I wouldn't remember anyones... probably even my own!
But I do understand the feeling, I guess that would be hard to realize you are really moving on.

Great update!

 

Yes, poor Ben. I can sympathize with him a bit. Earlier this year i forgot about my sister Renee's birthday until the next day. I felt horrible since she, an aunt and another sister had birthdays right in a row; one day after each other. I felt like a horrible sister to have forgotten. I can't say whether or not it gets easier though.

 

AN: Thanks everyone for reading. I want to finish this diary, I REALLY do, but between my MIA muse and my insane life, I'm not sure that I'll get what I want. But thank you everyone for your support.


Tag list: @Lady_Misty TrakNar earlybird-obi-wan immertreu Hazel lukemaraben Katana_Sundancer

PM List: Mavjade


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Entry 17

So, my dad let me be last night, but this morning he made me talk (he made what I now like to call “interrogation hotcakes”). I explained to him that I felt terrible for forgetting my mom’s birthday. I told him it felt like I was forgetting her and I was mad at myself for it.

He sighed and told me, “These are completely normal feelings Ben. After my Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen died, I felt horribly guilty for moving on, but I realized that I couldn’t change the past and my focus had to be on the future. I still think about them, and all the others that I’ve lost. I’ve found a balance of keeping their memories close and going on with my life. I’ve yet to find the right balance for your mother, but in time I will get it, as will you. There will always be days of guilt and sadness, but they’ll become less and less as time goes on.”

I said, “Thanks. How come you never go to Tatooine to visit their gravesite?”

“I’ll answer that if you answer my question.”

I took the bait. “Okay, you first.”

“Okay. I guess I feel a lot of guilt for burying them then leaving, never to visit the site again.”

“Well, it’s better late than never.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“I’m always right. Why don’t we take a little vacation?”

He glared at me. “You’re trying to change the subject. It’s my turn to ask a question.”

I gulped. I knew what was coming. “Fine.”

“Why haven’t you been to your mother’s memorial site?” My father set up some memorial site for my mother in the halls of remembrance – all Jedi get some sort of pillar or shelf there when they die.

“I’m just not ready, okay?”

“That’s fine. When you decide that you are, tell me if you want me to be there with you.”

“Okay,” I said. “Now, about this vacation.”

Long story short: Dad and I are now going to Tatooine next week. Man, what guilt trips will get you these days. Then again, when it comes to me now-a-days, my dad is like THE BIGGEST PUSHOVER IN THE GALAXY! Man, I hope he never reads this.

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Youre his only child Benny that's natural

Sent from my Kindle Fire using Tapatalk 2

 

Very candid and supportive talk Glad they're there for each other and both know it

 

Very nice father'son exchange

 

Guilt does keep people away but you shouldn't stay away forever.

If Ben is having Luke go back to Tatooine to visit the graves of his aunt and uncle then Luke could get him to visit Mara's memorial.

 

Great discussion between Ben and Luke. To Tatooine waiting for the next entry and what he will write about that planet

 

Nice update. I don't know if Tatooine is what I would call a vacation spot, but at least they are getting quality time together.

 

Awww

 

interrogation hotcakes -- Bah ha ha...
My mom usually took me for a drive when she wanted to talk about something that was going to be unpleasent... I guess so I couldn't get away from the conversation. Having hotcakes would have been nice.

A trip to Tatooine should... I hesitate to say fun because I don't really think that applies, maybe interesting?
Oh Ben, one should never put something like that (Luke being a pushover) in writing, it's only going to come back to bite you!

Great update! I look forward to more.