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Beyond - Legends Bleeding Dry For You (AU -- L/M, Obi-Wan, Ben) COMPLETED! 7/29

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Knight_Aragorn, Jun 16, 2005.

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  1. StarFighter5

    StarFighter5 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2003
    It's probably easier to use the name given to Luke and Mara's baby in the EU.:D

    Lovely post.

    Can't wait for more. Do I have too? [face_praying]
     
  2. Knight_Aragorn

    Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2003
    obaona: Aw, thank you! [:D] Mara's view is rather limited, both through her own blindness and through Luke's reticence. She definitely has a lot on her shoulders... And there's a lot more doomed romance in store. ;) Thanks for the feedback. :D

    LadyPadme: That's what I was aiming for with Mara -- that fumbling uncertainty when it comes to emotion, that she would rather turn away than confront all the issues that Luke is struggling with. Ben seemed to fit here. ;) Verisimilitude's a great word to try to drop into conversation... haven't managed it yet, but I'll keep trying. :p The things you learn from fanfiction... :D Thanks for reading.

    AvenKiel: No, I don't mind the name either. ;) Thanks for reading.

    Katrina42: Thank you! :D

    Jedi_Anais: Mara has grown up a lot... She's certainly been through enough for a lifetime. Glad you liked the name. :)

    StarFighter5: Yup, easy for lazy authors when someone else has already made up a name that fits... :p Thank you! No post just yet, I'm afraid. Shouldn't be too far away though. Thanks for reading. :D
     
  3. RebelPrincess

    RebelPrincess Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 6, 2001
    :eek:
    Wow.

    That was a beautiful piece of writing. I like the name :)
     
  4. Maggy

    Maggy Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 2, 2004
    K_A:

    The flashback scenes are a lot of fun to write. And so is Obi-Wan. :p

    :D I can imagine
    I never have really written him, besides mentioning.

    And you're right, Mara still bears traces of Palpatine's influence, both on her and through Luke - hence her intial wariness of Obi-Wan.

    [face_thinking] :)

    And as for the child... you'll see. ;)

    :D

    Thanks for reading!

    you are welcome :)


    CHAPTER THREE

    Don?t Sith believe in shades outside of black and white?

    yeah it often seams there is only black and white ... that between it are countless shades of gray get ignored.

    Vader lurked nearby;

    [face_laugh]
    who would have thought about Vader and lurk in the same sentence :p


    :eek: Oh my goodness :eek:
    that was so great =D=
    Luke ... Mara ... those swelling emotions ... and the burst out ... the leaving ... this unexpected kiss ... awwwwww [face_love]

    =======

    Luke?s mother had tried. Luke ? light. Such hope. Such blind assurance.

    awww :(

    Mara drew a breath. ?The right one.? She met his pale-blue eyes and paused; he frowned inquiringly. ?Ben,? Mara said. ?I name him Ben.?

    :D

    and all that what the others did already say :)

    very well done, I really enjoyed reading it :D


    ~Mags~

     
  5. Knight_Aragorn

    Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2003
    RebelPrincess: Thank you! :D

    Maggy: Well, Vader's always seemed a lurky kind of guy to me. :p So glad you liked the section. Thanks for the feedback. :D [:D]

    ***

    And now... the first half of Chapter Four. Massive angst incoming... [face_devil]

    ======
    ======

    CHAPTER FOUR

    There was a dark thing, a creature of great evil. It didn?t appear so ? to the eye it looked human, like an old man. But this old man lived on darkness and all manner of bad things. It craved power before all else. Power, power, more power. It would and had ruined galaxies to gain more.

    It watched the boy closely as he grew. It saw his brilliance, his strength, his deep insecurities. Proficient at disguise, it crafted itself as a friend to him and struck when he was most vulnerable, caught between childhood?s innocence and adulthood?s care. It stroked his boy?s arrogance, encouraged his uncertain pride, whispered into his ear of what he deserved. It twisted his resentment for his father?s lacks into another thing entirely. It used his hurt and his suffering, taught him to feed on them.

    The boy began to change. It happened very slowly. For a long time the girl didn?t notice, or refused to. It became impossible when the boy killed his father.

    The dark creature had grown tired of his former servant, the father, and wanted the one that was newer, younger, wholly his. So he turned father against son, son against father. They fought as he watched, and the boy was victorious. He slew the one who had given him life, and so condemned himself. The dark creature anointed the boy in his father?s place, as his creature. He gave him a new name.

    It was an old tale, oft-repeated; agonisingly familiar but ruthlessly effective. Descent, pain, darkness. Naiveté and greed. The power of lust; the lust of power. The damnation of the lost and the loss of the damned.

    From a boy?s ignorance and agony and conceit was born Vespasian.

    The boy as the girl had first known him was silently lost, then. She last saw him whole the night he killed his father. He came to her with the news, laughing a laugh not his; the laughter fell, he fell, to his knees, and he was crying for the father he had killed.

    The comfort she had was not enough. He was beyond words, more distraught than she had ever seen him. She couldn?t understand.

    He understood, though.

    That night of blood and darkness, he finally understood what the Empire asked in return for all that it had given.

    That was why he wept.



    She saw blood when he appeared in her doorway.

    It was not visible; not on his skin, not caking his clothes, not dripping from his pale fingers. But she saw it nevertheless.

    His eyes writhed, bluer than the evening sky, sheening and strange.

    ?Luke?? she said, hesitant and wary, rising from her bed. The room was small, though comfortable. But as he stepped inside, it seemed to shrink. The intensity of him filled the space; never had she seen him so roiled. His face was pale. His lips smiled. It was a lie.

    ?Mara,? he said. ?I killed him.?

    Her eyes narrowed. ?What??

    A laugh bubbled over his lips, strange and tight, as though torn from him. It sounded ugly. It wasn?t his laugh. Wildness edged it, unstable and angry. ?I killed him,? he repeated, still laughing the lying laugh. ?I killed him? killed my father. I killed him. I killed? killed?? It bubbled over him, gasping, choking.

    She stared. ?What??

    The words ran on, spilling from his lips. ?I ran the lightsaber through his chest? burning armour, skin? sorry, said... he? killed. I killed? Killed my father.? His shoulders shaking with the shuddering, strange laughter, he looked at her.

    She stared at him, motionless, bewildered.

    The bizarre laughter became short gasps. In the blueness of his eyes spiralled something strange; a dam fell, somewhere. He leaned his head back and drew a loud, choking breath, like a man being strangled. And then he dropped to his knees, and began to wail.

    It was an awful sound; she?d never he
     
  6. jedi_of_ennth

    jedi_of_ennth Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2005
    There was a dark thing, a creature of great evil.

    That?s such a perfect way to describe Palpatine. Again, I'm absolutely in love with your descriptions; they're always so simple, yet they say so much.

    After a moment, Obi-Wan murmured, ?It?s easier to walk away than to make that final thrust.? She glanced at him, surprised, hearing deep and old pain in his voice. He continued quietly, ?A selfish mercy, not a true one.?
    When he looked at her, she saw Anakin in the darkness of his eyes. Luke?s father, Obi-Wan?s best friend and apprentice and brother and son. He was there, in that sharp and silent grief.


    I loved that part; it was beautiful. :)
     
  7. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Love that flashback, especially.
     
  8. LadyPadme

    LadyPadme Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2002


    Lovely, lovely, lovely.

    Sighs feeling very satisfied.

    This just really brings out sense of deep sadness and entwined enjoyment to read your posts. You really make me feel like I'm in the desert with Mara and Ben.

    And the posts about the night that Luke became Vespasian. Wonderful!

    Great job!
     
  9. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2005
    Loved the insight into Palpatine. To think that he's the cause of all of it...Vader, Luke...just...Pure evil.

    Flashback was wonderful. =D= Characterisation of Luke was so perfect, recognisible as the Luke we know, but so...different at the same time. What's really heartbreaking about this is that Mara doesn't understand what Luke is asking of her, until its too late.


    And Mara's off to join the rebellion, I assume? Can't wait to see what she gets up to there.

    Wonderful work, as always. :)


     
  10. RedGold

    RedGold Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2004
    Another wonderful post!

    I'd say more but I'm a little out of it atm...
     
  11. Maggy

    Maggy Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 2, 2004

    K_A:

    Well, Vader's always seemed a lurky kind of guy to me. :p

    [face_thinking] Always lurking on the bridge of his ship? Causing his crew to work :p

    So glad you liked the section.

    :)

    Thanks for the feedback. :D [:D]

    you are welcome [:D]


    CHAPTER FOUR

    The boy began to change. It happened very slowly. For a long time the girl didn?t notice, or refused to. It became impossible when the boy killed his father.

    :eek: I have known that he killed him but still :eek:


    great capturing of the darkness, helplessness, feelings, interaction ... :)


    He didn?t seem to hear her, sitting still and faceless by her desk in the darkness. A dark shape in the gloom. ?If I,? he said abruptly, ?if I become like them ? ?A pause; waiting, the shadow drew breath. ?Kill me.?

    :eek: what she did in the end

    ===

    Save me.

    awwwwwwww...

    second what LadyPadme and JadeLotus said :D
    wonderful job :)


    ~Mags~
     
  12. StarFighter5

    StarFighter5 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2003
    The thing that always struck me about Palpatine was how nice he always seemed in the PT up until the middle of ROTS. He lured his targets in, and when it was too late for them to realize the game he had them.

    Mara had lived in the Imperial world for far too long to see deep enough into its evil in this fic. I enjoy the realistic feeling that you give this. These characters are not perfect, make mistakes, and have to rise above them for a "happy ending" to result. If you can't feel the characters struggle with the things that they do, then their is no sense of urgency that I feel here. I await your next post with little patience.
     
  13. Valin_Halcyon

    Valin_Halcyon Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    Wow. :eek:

    You are absolutely brilliant at Describing emotions and the nuances of Luke's corruption.
     
  14. Daughterofflame

    Daughterofflame Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 11, 2003
    *sated sigh*


    I missed a post! :eek:

    I loved the Mara/Ben/Obi interaction. It was very realistic and touching.

    And we know what Mara must do. [face_plain]


    More soon?? *impish grin*


    ~*~Austyn
     
  15. Jedi-2B

    Jedi-2B Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    So beautifully written, but so heartbreaking. :_| I especially liked Obi-Wan's thoughts of when he wasn't able to kill Anakin.
     
  16. Mirax_Corran

    Mirax_Corran Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 2005
    It's totally official. I need to get this engraved on my hand. I can't believe that I keep forgetting about it. :oops:

    Don?t Sith believe in shades outside of black and white?
    'Only a Sith deals in absolutes.'

    Great posts! :D So Mara's heading back? Cool beans.
     
  17. Knight_Aragorn

    Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2003
    jedi_of_ennth: Aw, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the update. :D

    DarthIshtar: Thank you! :)

    LadyPadme: Thank you so much. :D I'm glad the enjoyment's still there -- angst is always tricky, because you don't want to depress people too much they stop reading. :p Thanks for taking the time to read. :)

    JadeLotus: Luke's characterisation was tricky in such an emotionally intensive scene, so I appreciate that feedback. :D Glad he worked.

    And Mara's off to join the rebellion, I assume?

    She's off somewhere... ;) The rebellion won't be coming in for a while. Luke's not even emperor yet at this stage, so we've got a while to go. Thanks for reading. :)

    RedGold: That's okay, 'wonderful post' is good enough for me. :p Thank you!

    Maggy: Oh, so that's why Vader hangs around the bridge of his ship all the time. Making those ensigns nervous... :p Thanks, I'm glad that scene worked. :D And yup, Luke still wants to be saved... Thanks for the feedback. :D

    StarFighter5: True, Palpatine's definitely a devious one. I've always thought he's an interesting character... you wonder exactly what goes on under all the scheming. [face_thinking] And that is the impression I was going with Luke and Mara -- that neither one is completely faultless, but nor are they fully to blame. Mara's in a very difficult position -- all her experience and training tell her that Luke's behaviour, his elevation, are worthy things, and yet she sees with her own eyes the devastating effect on him. She's caught between her loyalty to the Empire and her loyalty to him, and that's a hard thing to bear, especially for one so young.

    Thanks for the feedback. [:D]

    Valin: Thanks! :D That scene was difficult to write, so I'm glad it worked.

    Daughterofflame: Thank you! I needed some affection in there to balance all the sadness and pain... More? Already? I only just posted... *mutters* :p Patience, patience...

    Jedi-2B: That scene in ROTS really got to me, and there are some similarities between Mara and Luke's situation and the Obi-Wan/Anakin dynamic. So I figured I'd make the link. :p Thank you for reading. :D

    Myra: LOL, it's easy to do. 8-} Thanks for stopping by to read, and I'm glad you enjoyed the posts. :D
     
  18. academygrad88

    academygrad88 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2004
    Sorry that I have not replied for a while. I have been on vacation and away from the computer. I have a chance to respond now, but then I will be gone again for another week. I just don't want you to think you lost a loyal reader. ;)

    The last two posts were absolutely wonderful! You have such a gift for writing. When you are a famous novelist will you autograph your book for me?:D

    Hopefully when I get back from the my husband's idea of a vacation (woods, cabin, fishing, wildlife, mosquitoes but no cable TV or computer) I will have more of this story to read.

    Keep up the great work!!

    AG88
     
  19. Knight_Aragorn

    Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2003
    AG88: Oh, I see. Glad you're still enjoying the story. :D Have fun on your vacation.

    ***

    Well, I'm bored, so here's the rest of chapter four. More talking... I-)

    ======

    She told Beru and Owen that night, and saw in their eyes the spark of wordless fears.

    ?I?m not going back to him,? she reassured them. ?This is to keep you safe, and Ben. And Obi-Wan. Luke? Luke seeks me constantly. The risk that he will find me is great. If I?m here when he does??

    She didn?t finish the sentence. She didn?t need to. She saw that in the blood draining from Beru?s face and the thinness of Owen?s lips ? she read the memories there. Darkness claiming innocence; I am here for my son. They didn?t need to be told what would happen if Luke found his child.

    ?What about you, Mara?? Beru was leaning forward, her eyes full of anxiety. ?Surely? surely you?re safer here, than ? out there.? Out there ? spoken with vague wonder from the desert-dweller?s lips; like a child?s twinkling fairyland, a place distant and unreal.

    ?I don?t?? Beru?s concern made Mara falter. She realised, suddenly, that their fear was not for themselves and Ben, but for her. The knowledge confounded her. ?I?m not really safe anywhere. Not from him.? She tried to make the words gentle for them.

    ?What will he do, if he finds you?? The words were hushed from Beru?s lips. Her blue eyes ? sometimes Mara felt besieged by blue eyes ? brimmed with both intentness and withdrawal. Luke was an awkward and painful topic for her; for them all.

    But Beru and Owen viewed him differently to others. They called him Luke, for one thing. Not that hideous lie of a name that Palpatine had gouged into him. Vespasian. Sibilant, it sounded, hateful and full of hate. Luke wasn?t that, Mara knew. Even now.

    He had humanity, still, in the eyes of the Larses. They couldn?t forget the child they had raised for too short a time; he was more alive to them than stories of distant depravity. It had been that realisation that had eased her to them, when she first arrived.

    She owed them much for all they had given her; not least her honesty.

    What will he do, if he finds you?

    Mara sighed. ?I?m not sure,? she said. ?He wouldn?t? hurt me. Not willingly.? But unwillingly ? well, there was another thing entirely. His pain spilled onto everything, a fountain silvery and endless. ?He would keep me near,? she said dully. ?As a token. A memory. A ? trophy. He would think it love, maybe. Maybe it would be, insofar as he is capable now. I don?t know.?

    She looked up to meet their horrified eyes, and forced an unfelt smile. ?It?s not as awful as it sounds,? she added. ?He does care for me.? How could they understand? She sighed. ?It was different, once.?

    Beru sighed as well, softly. ?Oh, Mara.?

    ?That boy has a lot to answer for,? Owen muttered.

    Beru glanced at her husband, then nodded. ?Such a shame.?

    Only they could speak about Luke as though he were a wayward son who had done poorly on his exams. It comforted Mara, strangely.

    ?I promise you, Mara,? Beru said, ?that Ben will be safe here.?

    ?Thank you,? Mara said. She hesitated a moment, then went on uncertainly, ?I can?t say how much??

    ?Hush,? Beru cut her off gently. ?None of that. You know it?s a pleasure.?

    Ben would lack for nothing here; neither materially or in terms of love and affection. He was safe, and would be even safer without the risks brought by her presence. She knew that completely, beyond any doubt.

    Mara closed her eyes. It didn?t make her feel any better.

    =====

    She told him the night before she left. Crouched beside his bed, she traced the shape of his face with her gaze: his eyes, so blue; the over-long hair that hung before them, soft and bright in the light; the shape of his chin.

    Luke, she thought, a wordless sliver of meaning that fluttered from her like a maimed bird, full of pain and love and fear.

    Ben?s expression was apprehensive; he knew something was coming. Children were highly sensitive to mood and emot
     
  20. jedi_of_ennth

    jedi_of_ennth Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2005
    You write Owen and Beru beautifully; I haven't seen much of them in pro- or fanfic, so it's a pleasure to see them so deftly dealt with here. :)

    As always, can't wait to see what happens next. :)
     
  21. LadyPadme

    LadyPadme Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2002


    The psychological conundrum that this story poses is simply wonderful (for us readers that is ;) ) How can Mara love someone so twisted? Even as she fears him, and probably hates him and worse, probably despises him, she can't get away from loving him. And it probably confuses her so much more that the Larses still see him with love.

    And again, I must say, I just love the imagery you evoke with your writing!

    spoken with vague wonder from the desert-dweller?s lips; like a child?s twinkling fairyland, a place distant and unreal.

    They called him Luke, for one thing. Not that hideous lie of a name that Palpatine had gouged into him. Vespasian. Sibilant, it sounded, hateful and full of hate.

    His pain spilled onto everything, a fountain silvery and endless

    his hands, trained hands taught to kill, that danced trails of light in the darkness for her.


    * sighs * I just love reading your writing. It gives me a real ache of enjoyment [face_love]

    Great post!

     
  22. RedGold

    RedGold Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2004
    Beautiful!

    Poor kid... Poor Mara...

    Damn those Sith!

    gggggggrrrrrrrrrrr
     
  23. Mirax_Corran

    Mirax_Corran Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 2005
    This is totally, unbelievably good, KA. :eek:

    Mara sighed. ?I?m not sure,? she said. ?He wouldn?t? hurt me. Not willingly.? But unwillingly ? well, there was another thing entirely.
    This may be the best psychic torment that I've ever read. Wow.

    His pain spilled onto everything, a fountain silvery and endless.
    I just adore the wording there. It's a beautiful metaphor.

    ?He would keep me near,? she said dully. ?As a token. A memory. A ? trophy. He would think it love, maybe. Maybe it would be, insofar as he is capable now. I don?t know.?
    Poor Mara! And poor Luke! But that was just beautifully written.

    They called him Luke, for one thing.
    That is just so real, Owen and Beru always thinking of him as Luke. As if he's still the little kid that was kidnapped from their household.

    Not that hideous lie of a name that Palpatine had gouged into him. Vespasian. Sibilant, it sounded, hateful and full of hate. Luke wasn?t that, Mara knew. Even now.
    I'm speechless. Totally speechless. =D=

    Beautiful post.

    ~Myra
     
  24. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2005
    I loved your characterisation of Beru. Her interaction with Mara was wonderful.

    Luke, she thought, a wordless sliver of meaning that fluttered from her like a maimed bird, full of pain and love and fear.

    =D= What a beautiful description.


    He watched her, eyes deep and close, filled with a knowledge beyond his years, a vastness from the galaxy itself. ?The one who was the boy,? he said, not a question. ?He wants you back.? Mara touched his cheek gently and didn?t reply. He said fiercely, his eyes burning suddenly, ?Will he hurt you??

    Poor Ben! Does he know that 'the boy' was his father? Although, that would make it so much worse for him...


    Mara Jade was adrift again; and so the dance was renewed.

    Wonderful line :) It really is a dance between them, isn't it? That's brilliant, Knight_Aragorn!


     
  25. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    Every post I read I need a tissue. It's just so sad. :_|
     
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