Block, Parry, Strike! - How to use a lightsaber

All right, this is the best I could do at the moment. It also goes slightly over 1,000 words, but I couldn't seem to get it under the limit without losing things that kept it from being a "He killed him. He killed her," fic.

I scrapped the original scenario entirely. As far as I can tell, there's nothing good about it, and so it had to go. I've swapped in an OC of mine who lives in a distant-past GFFA in which the Jedi Order is very different, although its basic aims are the same.

It's worth noting that I *tried* making this a mass-attack scene, but could not do it in under 1,000 words. Part of that's my writing style--I'll babble on forever if you let me--but it's also because the more fight components you add, the longer your scene will be. I got one freakin' fight in, with hints at more to come, and then had to break it off abruptly. FWIW, I scrapped about two and a half pages at the beginning, too. Let me post this, and then a few things about it, and then people can get to work picking it apart and telling me what's wrong with it.

*************

And then came the time when we could no longer walk safely at night in our own city.

The chanteuse of the local Temple of Wokyki was calling people to after-sundown prayer as I had reached the western bank of the Niera. I had with me my little Padawan Razi, just eight years old and so new his boots squeaked. We ought to have been at the city?s Jedi chapter house soon after the long, mournful notes of the chanteuse had at last ceased to weave and echo through the air, and so I was not concerned about leading the child through the streets of Kimar by night.

Yet something in that dark and apparently-peaceful city kept pace with us, and slid unseen through the shadows.

Soon a sense of danger rose up like the river?s stench: it swelled and faded on cross-currents of Force energy, sometimes just a faint sourness spoiling the chanteuse?s cry for a nation torn by civil war, at other times harsh and unmistakable. Too late, I realized that the Kimar I had returned to was not the city I had left only weeks ago. After six years of open warfare, the presence of enemy Force-users was as familiar to me as the nauseating odor of singed flesh, and malice was definitely in the wind. I should have seen the threat coming, but I had never dreamed that warriors loyal to the traitor General Athovair could make it so far south in such a short time!

That was bad news for me, since my role in battling them had made me a tempting assassination target, and I was easy to identify, even in the dark. My height and the copper color of my hair were not common outside the Northern Reaches where I was born.

And I had chosen now to take on a young student? All I could think of was the adage about how the Force looks after children and idiots, and pray that the words were true.

Little Razi sensed the directionless menace as well. ?Master Kearath?what is it?? he whispered, and tried to slip his small, slim-boned hand into my own.

In his innocence, the boy had attempted to catch hold of my saber hand, and instantly I felt deadly vibrations all around us, like the creak of a half-dozen bows being drawn back. What could present a better target than a Jedi whose defense-hand was bound in the grip of a non-combatant child? I had to gently deflect Razi?s hand and nudge him in front of me. ?Not my sword hand, little one. Not now,? I whispered back.

?Master?? he asked, his voice quavering now, frightened. Our bond was still so new that communicating with him through the Force was difficult, but I sent him a wave of what I hoped was steadying reassurance. I had sworn to him and his parents that nothing would harm him while I was alive.

However long that might be.

Our malevolent shadows must?ve realized that their presence was now known, because suddenly I heard running footsteps from what seemed like every direction at once. I grabbed Razi?s arm and ran for it. I didn?t have much time to come up with a plan, and rightly or

 

Just some stuff:

Razi

I played the "Newt card" here--as in the little girl from Alien II. You can sometimes get a reader interested in a character's plight if you add a small kid or other vulnerable person in danger. Impressive OC's who are at the height of their powers are generally not very interesting in and of themselves. (I'm thinking specifically of combat situations where they're fighting against a level of force they should be able to handle without a problem.) In fact, they very often get slapped with Mary Sue/Gary Stu labels, deserved or not. People care about unfair fights, and it's not very fair to send a bunch of assassins after a guy who's got not only himself, but a young kid to look after.

Razi's also there because, for whatever reason, Kearath insists on narrating his stories himself. He's not bad at it, so I let him. However, if he's sitting somewhere telling us about this time he was really in danger, we *know* he survives, because he's telling the story. "Poof" goes any suspense. Something else has to be at risk besides the narrator's life. I put in a second, weaker OC to give readers something to worry about.

Finally, Razi allows Kearath to show a softer side to his personality, which you wouldn't see if he were just kicking assassin butt. I probably could have gotten at least a couple more deaths in if I had left Razi out, but I don't think Kearath would have been as sympathetic a character, and so he would have generated less interest. Opportunities to show more than one personality trait at a time are always great--seize 'em if you've got 'em.

World Building

I actually started by mentally creating the world of Kimar, and then dropping Kearath and his antagonists in it. They had to navigate the terrain that was already there, just like anyone else. I didn't create the terrain around what I needed them to do. This forces your characters to be creative, and respond like real people. It also tends to remove the "special rules for Mary Sue" feel that some all- or mostly-original stories have.

I could have gotten in even *more* deaths if I'd left out the chanteuse calling after-dark prayers and the description of the river, but if I'd cut much more of the setting out, we'd have been stuck with the spiky rocks again. (And I cut a *lot* of the setting out.)

Enemies

Most people need motives to try and kill each other, and virtually everyone needs a motive to expose themselves to grievous bodily harm. (No, I don't mean being a 3-pack-a-day smoker stuck in a lampstand that's hung with hockey equipment.) Motive requires backstory, and weaseling that into a story as painlessly as possible is an art in itself--it needs its own thread, really, posted in by someone other than me. However, even smoothly introduced backstory takes up space, and that cuts down on the number of deaths you're going to be able to pull off--assuming you kill your villains one by one.

I went the "faceless henchmen" route in trying to avoid spending too much time dwelling on enemy characters that were just going to get killed. The guy on the bridge gives himself away first because of the style of his cloak, and then by the fact that he tries to kill off the main character. (A big clue.) The body count stayed at one, however.

Basically, watch out and make sure your main character doesn't have to kill too many people in too short a story--unless he's pushing the button on the Death Star or something. A one-on-one duel is much more realistic for a 1,000 word story.

Has anybody noticed how polite (or stupid) all the villains are around here, to attack one at a time or in small groups? It's true that if you toss too many swordsmen into a melee, they'll get in each other's way, but there is generally no earthly reason why a gang of people would show up and attack, only to have a go at the protagonist one at a time. If you need them to stagger their attacks--force them to do so by manipulating circumstances in a pla

 

You're speaking for me, eh? Lightsaber duels do leave you exhausted, but the key is to put it as personally as is appropriate for the setting.

 

That was a really nifty explaination of what you did, Ophelia. Cool!
Playing the Newt card...would that put me over or under if I used that trick in blackjack?


I don't know what to do about mine. It's at almost 1400 words and I haven't even gotten into the fighting part yet.
well, I'll explain where I'm going with it, at least.

Upon review of the ...uh...that thing we'll pretend is called writing, I came to the conclusion that if I'm to remain faithful (I got this weird thing about holding true to originals), I'll need to totally switch perspective, because the only interesting characters are the badguys. So, since the one I commented on the most was the guy who was trained under Dooku, I decided to go for a vague, vague retelling through his perspective. In this case, I came up with a plausible reason why there would be spiky rocks on the planet: low tech creations of an ancient civilization interested in preventing extraterrestrial colonization. They placed the rocks close enough together surrounding important (to them) locations, thus forcing enemies to land where the natives wanted them, intsead of anywhere they wished.

Then I played around with the 'hiding behind rocks' thing. Each character had their own rock, and were distantly separated from eachother, forcing them to communicate entirely through comlink. Also, in this version, Rook (the name I gave the Dooku trained character) does not jump out immediately after their leader; meaning that most of the fight is watched from a distance.

Speaking of the leader, I had to make him mentally unstable. It was the only way I could honestly justify anything that guy did. Also, I placed the Vornskyr in the backstory and made its death both accidental and Rook's fault. I wanted to give a sense of how the group interracted when agititated, and how they kept from decintigrating into a big rioty mess. Oh, and the twins. I turned them into 'The Twins' - their nickname, and made them conjoined. I just thought it would be totally wild having to fight two people permanently stuck in three legged race mode. Especially if they were good at it. (the fighting, not the racing)

Then there was Jedi Alden, the "hero". He needed a bit of justification, because, since I went with the Dooku thing, I had to set the timeperiod at just after ep3. Therefore, the temple is already gone. Therefore, Alden may be a rogue Jedi, trying to find safe haven...or he's one of the emperor's hands/inquisitors/etc..or something else. I like the idea of turning this guy, who has no descernable personallity to speak of, into a mystery. It makes sense too. Of course he has no personality: he's hiding that too!

Anyway, there's a lot of other stuff I'd love to touch on, but I'm not sure whether I should expand what I have, or find I way to efficiently tell what's left..

 

Yodimus wrote: Playing the Newt card...would that put me over or under if I used that trick in blackjack?

I . . . um . . . theee . . . uhh . . .

Manifest Destiny, the Krebs Cycle, and twelve.



I got this weird thing about holding true to originals

I was going to beg you not to, since this patient is DOA and unsavable, but you've found some spectacular workarounds. Now that is the mark of a master fanfic author: the ability to spin crap into gold.

I'll need to totally switch perspective

Ah, a good call, and one I hadn't thought of. You're right that the bad guys are marginally more interesting than Our Hero, who has all the personal magnetism of a speck of lint. Turning the total randomness of the villains into a kind of freak show quality could work--it could make them more repellent, or even more sympathetic. Maybe The Twins were rejected for Jedi training because of their . . . umm, situation, and they've resented it ever since. How cruel, to turn someone away for something they can't help!

low tech creations of an ancient civilization interested in preventing extraterrestrial colonization. They placed the rocks close enough together surrounding important (to them) locations, thus forcing enemies to land where the natives wanted them, intsead of anywhere they wished.

Now that is flippin' brilliant. How do profic authors survive without us? If The Powers That Be were clever, they'd hire us as plot-hole sealers. ::resists urge to start singing "A Place For Us" and thus violate more copyright laws, as well as laws of aesthetics and good taste.::

Speaking of the leader, I had to make him mentally unstable. It was the only way I could honestly justify anything that guy did.

That really says a lot, doesn't it? Still, mentally unstable people can be interesting. Is he unstable yet eerily charismatic? Those people can be fascinating and dangerous.

I wanted to give a sense of how the group interracted when agititated, and how they kept from decintigrating into a big rioty mess.

Oh, good--excellent! Intelligence and cohesiveness in action are the least one should expect from villians meant to be taken seriously--adding in subtle group dynamics based on their personalities is even better.

I like the idea of turning this guy, who has no descernable personallity to speak of, into a mystery. It makes sense too. Of course he has no personality: he's hiding that too!

Aha! Another good idea--although you're right that you'd have to place the viewpoint "camera" among the villains for it to work. You couldn't put the camera in Aldan-the-Dull's head and then keep him unknown and mysterious. That would come across as "cheating."

As for what to do with your story, if you've got ideas and techniques other people could use to construct or flesh out a lightsaber duel, then sure, post 'em. (Jennifer_Lyn's time is limited right now, and she asked me to help out with the thread, so I can say that without stepping on anyone's toes.) If your story's stretching out much beyond the 1,000 word mark, it would be best to post a link to it when it's done. I am interested in seeing an "after" made from such a dreadful "before," however!

I dunno if I'll actually finish mine or not . . . I'm fond of Kearath and would kind of enjoy watching him mop the floor with shadowy assassins, but I really don't feel like what I have so far is my best work, and I'm not feeling encouraged by it. I think the major problem is the number of attackers. I think I *could* wipe them out in under 12 pages or so, but I don't know how satisfying that would be. Lightsaber duels are like any other story element in that the thrill is in the emotional buildup and suspense, not the waving around of shiny, glowy things. (Although the shiny, glowy things are a major plus.) I have no idea how many pages I'd have to devote to this scene to make it "real." I'm scared to think about it.

 

Hello! Jennifer_Lyn is quite busy these days, so she asked me (ophelia) if I'd help out with this thread. Since I love lightsabers and am insane, I said sure. (If it matters to anyone, yes, I can use a sword. If you really want to know about it, you can PM me.)

One of the challenges of writing a lightsaber duel is that the lightsaber has become one of the most iconic elements of Star Wars, and a lot of us have the various film duels permanently burned into our minds. That can result in a narrowing of creative possibilities, since over the years and after repeated viewings of the films, you can develop powerful preconceptions about what you "can" and "can't" do with a lightsaber. Obviously, continuity is important if you're not writing an AU--you probably won't have people blocking saber blades with their bare hands--but there's no reason why your characters can't use lightsabers in ways never explored in the films.

So get comfortable using your lightsaber. Imagine its weight, color, unique scratches and personalized modifications. Imagine the fascinating stuff inside that makes it work. This lightsaber isn't George's, or Ray Park's, or Mark Hamill's--or Darth Maul's or Luke Skywalker's, for that matter. It's yours. You can do things with it that would appall, bewilder, or scarify them. Make your lightsaber the inanimate equivalent of an OC.

And since OC's will often do things that would make a canon character run away screaming, let us warm up to the idea of lightsaber ownership by visualizing:

100 Unorthodox Things To Do With A Lightsaber

::Violates Resource/RPG rules by igniting a blue blade, emitted by a deceptively-simple-looking handle, and saluting oqidaun. Ophelia raises her weapon to a precipitous stillness--it seems to pause, weightless as a signal-cannon flare that has reached the height of its arc. Then suddenly the bar of light whirls downward in a fiery wing-like motion, its familiar hollow drone raised to a roar by the speed with which it burns through the air. Thus she acknowledges the fearless mod of fanfic forums and "OC Writers Anonymous" thread host for pioneering this easy and creativity-inspiring game.::

Let's go five at a time, and since this thread is small and new, I won't ask people to limit themselves to a number of turns. Just remember to let the other kids play.

In theory, the numbers will go in sequential order from 1 to 100.

1) Burn holes through bathroom stall walls with it, so you can reach over and get TP when your stall doesn't have any, and there's nobody else around to give you some.
2) Create "found art" by going up to the nearest trash dumpster and carving a sculpture out of it.
3) Go to Mount Rushmore and burn your initials into George Washington's forehead. When the police question you, claim it must've been someone else with a lightsaber and a very similar name.
4) Open cans and cook the contents at the same time.
5) Hook wires up to the super-powered battery cell inside and jumpstart your car.

 

6) Nose-hair trimmer
7) Turkey carver when your electric knife won't reach the table
8) Allows you to clean up those pesky bikini areas
9) Stress Relief, when your PC stops working properly
10) Get rid of those abscessed teeth

 

11) Trim your hair
12) Barbecue your favorite Ewok

 

13) Clip excessively long nails
14) Toast bread
15) Barbecue various food
16) Roast a marshmellow

 

17) Soda cans where the stupid ring tab breaks off will never be a problem again
18) Put several of them together in a row and make a tanning bed. Experiment to see whether Jedi or Sith blades give you a better tan.
19) You could use two of them for ski poles, and then avoid crowds by skiing down mountains that don't have snow
20) Impress attractive smokers by offering to light their cigarettes. You'll look especially cool by comparison if someone else is standing by, offering a lame plastic Bic.
21) You could use one just like a normal lightsaber, only modify it to dispense Pez. Then you could make friends with people before you dueled to the death with them, and the fact that every EU Jedi has 50 buddies, ex's, and relatives on the dark side would actually make sense.

 

22.) Light a bonfire, a barbecue, or even, as I had Anakin Skywalker do in a fic I've been bashing around for a couple of months, a funeral pyre.

23.) Ever had one of those days when you lock your keys in your car? Mr. Lightsabre can help you out of that jam, easily.

24.) They are not advisable for using to read a book by. The book will be ash by the time you're done.

25.) They make darn good soldering irons. Almost too good.

26.) Excellent for keeping the fondue nice and bubbly. Not good to use as a fondue fork, however.

27.) Is it soup yet? It is now!

 

28) Directing air traffic

29) Not only does it rid your driveway of snow, it dries and heats the clean ground beneath!

30) An important cutting mechanism broken at your factory? Replace it with a lightsaber! All you need is a machine that activates the button at the right time.

31) On the mass production track: Use it to expedite the hole-making process in your doughnut business.

32) Set a bunch of them radially around each wheel of your war machine. there! You've gone all-terrain, and you didn't need those expensive repulsorlifts!

33) My friend, who posts on these boards as Alion_Sangre, came up with this one:
Use it as the ultimate bayonnet for your favorite blaster.

 

29) Why, naught but a hammer! (As inspired by Mr. Bashing-People-With-the-Pommel-Dude.)

30) It'll make your bed nice and toasty warm at night ... WARNING: My incinerate sheets

31) Give yourself a new hair style: bald and burned!

 

32) Can be used as nifty lighters at light shows
33) A lumberjack can use them to cut down trees... and wear high heels... (etc etc, I will not sing the lumberjack song)
34) Can be used to impersonate Harry and Voldemort's wands during their duel in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire... oops, that means Harry's a Sith since he has a red one!
35) Can be used to attract annoying bugs during camping... and then the bugs will die at the same time.

 

36. Makes an interesting way to play billiards...except for the fact that the balls will inevitably wind up as little melted piles of colored goo on the table. And how much of the table would be left by the end of the night?


37. Nifty swizzle sticks for your mixed drinks



38. A new and improved conductor's baton (somebody get one to John Williams!)


39. On the other hand, not such a hot bow to use on your favorite stringed instrument. (Oh no, there went the Cremona! )

 

40) Can be used as a clarinet swab... WARNING: Costly damage to clarinet includes instant incineration, horrible burns and being turned into a lump of melted plastic.
41) Metal detector to run over people! Will turn smugglers into ash!
42) Can be used as one of those things you run over your coats or jackets to get rid of fluff... unfortunately, while it may burn the fluff away, the jacket will also burn...

Okay, I'll stop here and let other people name off some.

 

These are pretty good . . . some of them are even useful-sounding. I think you have a winner with your Wheel-O-Sabers, Yodimus. Why doesn't the canon GFFA have that? Okay, so the Jedi have this thing against violence, blah, blah, blah, but the Sith don't. General Grievous didn't. All those lightsabers, and the best thing he could think to do with them was carry them around inside his cape, like he was a black-market lightsaber dealer. No wonder he went out like a punk.

41) You could use a lightsaber to take down the biggest, toughest pinata in the world.
42) You could play a trick on a pirate by replacing his wooden leg with one while he was asleep. When he got up, he'd punch a hole straight through the floor of his ship, and you could laugh when it started to sink.
43) Speaking of pirate ships--you could hold a whole spaceship crew hostage by just pointing a lightsaber at the hull and threatening to poke a hole in it. It would be even better if you could survive in outer space, like a certain general I could mention who had a million lightsabers--and threw a *stick* at a ship's windshield instead. Sad.
44) You could find out what was in every chocolate in the box by boring a little hole in each one with the tip of the saber and looking inside. Much more civilized than punching your thumb through all of them and then just eating the good ones.
45) You could use a lightsaber as a bug zapper. If the bugs wouldn't swarm to it, you could chase them around and use it as a huge, highly-destructive flyswatter. What's 50 or 60 gashes in the front of your house if it means you get rid of that moth that keeps banging his head against the porch light?

 

lovely job guys!
thanks, ophelia, for getting this up here!

here's a couple things to do with an unignited lightsaber hilt.

46) great for banging those loose floorboard nails into submission..
47) the ultimate paper weight for your desk.
48) it not only slices and dices in 'active' mode, but when it's off, it makes a great meat tenderizer.
49) doggie chew toy, just remember to turn on the safety!
50) and a more obvious one in two words: blunt weapon.

 

Oh, surely we can think of 50 more demented things to do with a lightsaber!

51) Replace the blade mechanism with some of those jumping springy snakes, and scare the crap out of someone when you hit the "on" button
52) Tired of big, dangerous icicles threatening to crack the limbs off your trees? Those can be gone in seconds!
53) For that matter--tired of limbs on your trees altogether? Those can be gone in seconds, too!
54) Never again will the holes in a bowling ball be too small for your fingers
55) Do-it-yourself liposuction--for those who don't mind that crispy-critter look

 

56) Screwdriver
57) Laser pointer
58) Negotiator
59) Prop for talk-like-a-space-pirate-day.
60) Flower vase (when deactivated)

 

That is a great idea that could actually be put to use for drama in a serious fic. Can I have the right to use that in a future project? It doesn?t even have to be exclusive.

Guess I could contribute some?

61) Night light
62) Chair leg-evener.
63) Melt fun designs into durasteel walls. Way to get your graffiti on!
64) Cut into, and hotwire a speeder. You know, for Jedi business.
65) Start your own saber-based workout program. Tae-bo?s got nothin? on you!

(Midichlorians not required)

 

Sure thing. I was hoping some actual useful stuff would crop up amid ths silliness.

Just for the record, I write "open source fanfic," meaning people can use whatever they like. If someone's using something major like an OC or a planet or something, I'd appreciate a mention as its creator, but beyond that, people are welcome to adapt, adopt, recycle, etc. I never give anything more than a nod of acknowledgment to George, so I don't really feel I can ask for more than that myself.

What the heck--I'll see if I can come up with 5 potentially-useful and non-ridiculous unorthodox uses for a lightsaber. Yes, if anybody wants to use them, they can.

66) Use the reflector dish to angle a spot of reflected light on something--good for illuminating things in inconveniently-angled dark crevices, flashing emergency messages in the GFFA equivalent of Morse code, temporarily blinding your enemy (your dish has got to be really shiny for that one)
67) Frame your enemy by stealing his lightsaber and wedging it into the most critical part of some support structure (girders holding up a bridge, elevator, scaffold, etc.). Turn the blade on so that it lies just beneath the surface of the support, invisible from above, but slowly melting through it below. Point and laugh as structure collapses when somebody important tries to use it. Gloat as your enemy's lightsaber is found and they're tried for murder.
68) During a duel on a river half-covered with ice, escape from your enemy by running out onto an ice promontory and then cutting it off from the main sheet. This will turn the thing you're standing on into a free-floating ice island that will be carried away downstream. Alternately, lure your enemy out onto the promontory and then cut it off, sendiing *him* downstream. (Hope the river's fast and he's not very good at jumping.)
69) Use it as a crude soldering iron by cutting through the ends of two things that melt, and then pressing them together really fast so that they fuse as they cool
70) Get a spray-can of some inflammatory liquid and spray it on/over the blade of your lightsaber, thus using its heat to create a jet of flame that you can aim wherever you want. Alternatey, spray the handle of your enemy's lightaber with an inflammatory liquid and then lightly tap it with your own blade, causing the handle to burst into a fireball. Your enemy may or may not be holding said lightsaber at the time.

71) (bonus one) Get into a deadly lightsaber fight in a basement or other utility space, and slash through a pipe or cord that will spray something awful around--scalding hot water, poison gas, sparking gouts of electrical current, etc. Try to be sure you are not personally suceptable to the "something awful."

 

72. Tired of having to clean up after doing a wood carving? Jusy use a lightsaber, and it will reduce the mess by as much as 97%. Plus it will give your work that nice singed tone.

73. Are you constantly frustrated by sweat forming while you try to accomplish a delicate task? Just run your lightsaber over your arms, and it will be instantly evaporate (Warning: May result in burned arms)

74. Sealing cuts (May result in loss of body parts)

75. Use it as a glow in the dark frisbee.

76. Termite inspection.

 

You know, some of those could be awards entertainment ads.

DARTH OFFICE MANAGER: Why . . . is that a paper cut, Miss Jones?!

SECRETARY: Oh--oh, no, sir. It's nothing . . . nothing . . .

DARTH OFFICE MANAGER: Oh, yes. It could be very serious. We'd better cauterize that before it turns bad.

::snap-hiss::

AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

ANNOUNCER (VOICEOVER): Lightsabers--100 times more evil fun than styptic pencils.

 

77: Use it has a performance tool. Instead of a stick with fire on each end, use a saber staff.

78: Program a large number of different coloured lightsabers to pulse on and off in sequence. Hang them at your next party for that extra flashy look.
Just make sure they don't hang into the crowd.

79: Boil the kettle for a cup of tea.

80: continuing the boiling water theme... use a lightsaber to vapourise water for a sauna


More as I think of them