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Saga Blood and Ashes; Boba Fett/OC/Adventure/Romance -- Tied for Best Underrated, Winter Awards

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by GrandAdmiralV, Jul 23, 2005.

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  1. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    NOTE: I moved this from the Beyond the Saga forum, because, as spiritgurl pointed out, it begins right before the end of ROTJ and should really be here instead.

    Title: Blood and Ashes
    Author: GrandAdmrlV
    Characters: Boba Fett, Miele (OC)
    Timeframe: During and immediately post-ROTJ
    Genre: Drama, Romance
    Summary: Miele has her own reasons for being in Jabba's palace. But when she's forced to play reluctant nursemaid to a wounded Boba Fett, she finds her life taking a very different path.... (Slightly AU, since there is a different version of Fett's return in Tales of the Bounty Hunters, but this is my idea of what could have happened instead.)

    [link=http://www.geocities.com/christinex1001/blood_cover.jpg]Cover Art![/link]

    Also, if you're interested in more OC romances, you might want to check out the [link=http://boards.theforce.net/Fan_Fiction_Resource/b10304/20968582/?8]An Original Romance[/link] discussion thread and index!

    Blood and Ashes

    They had been gone far too long, that much she knew. Although there were no chronos in the kitchens of Jabba's palace, Miele had trained herself to make a rough estimate of the passage of time without any visual aids. She knew that at least four and possibly closer to five hours had to have passed since the inhabitants of Jabba's palace had enthusiastically climbed aboard his sail barge to watch the baiting and eventual deaths of his latest batch of prisoners. One of them had even looked a little familiar, as if she'd seen him on the streets of Anchorhead, but she knew better than to hope she could do anything to save him.

    Unlike the others, she had no stomach for that sort of thing. The palace had emptied down to the lowliest kitchen drudge -- save for her. She had a knack for hiding in shadows, making herself easily overlooked, and so no one had come looking for her when she had vanished into one of the larders as everyone else was hastening out the rear entrance of the palace and onto the barge. At the time she had only thanked whatever powers might be that she would have a few hours of uninterrupted time to resume her careful slicing into Jabba's security system.

    That fat slug would probably have had an apoplexy if he knew how far she had already gotten, but she was careful to cover her tracks. Anyhow, she knew the basics of the system well enough; it was her father who had programmed it, after all, and he had trained Miele in the tricks of the trade. Good thing that Jabba hadn't bothered to investigate Lestan Fels closely enough to discover that Tatooine's best slicer had a daughter, let alone one who rivaled her father in her ways with a security system. No, Jabba had thought himself very clever to hire Fels and then have him killed once the security system was in place. He hadn't thought that there was anyone on this miserable rock who would bother to avenge the dead slicer.

    She had come here two months ago, already aware of what had probably happened to her father, and she'd been careful to come disguised. Jabba's lechery was legendary, and Miele, after carefully regarding her reflection before setting out, had come to the dispassionate conclusion that she was just pretty enough to attract attention if she didn't do something to alter her appearance. Nothing drastic, of course, but it was amazing what deliberately dirty hair pulled back in a severe knot, a few carefully applied blemishes, and exaggerated shadows under one's eyes could do to make a person look absolutely unappealing. Even so, she'd been on the receiving end of a few nastily significant glances from Bib Fortuna, Jabba's majordomo. She counted herself lucky that it hadn't gone any farther than that -- and perhaps his unhealthy interest was what had led him to hire her in the first place.

    But now -- she settled back on her heels and sighed. She'd made good progress during the past few hours and felt confident that, given a little more time, she would finally be able to slice the codes that protected Jabba's vaults and gain access to the treasures she knew he hoarded
     
  2. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    This is a great fic! :D I can't wait to read more. I started reading it on the Beyond board and loved it there, too!
     
  3. VadersMistress

    VadersMistress Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 7, 2004
    You're too right; Boba DOES need love too! There simply aren't enough fics about him out there.

    Very well done. This is an excellent fic.
     
  4. spiritgurl

    spiritgurl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 6, 2003
    You know, I've already read this part and told you what I thought, but I thought I'd say again. I really like this OC so far. :)

    sg
     
  5. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Thank you! I always seem to gravitate toward the secondary characters -- I guess I just feel that I can find more to write about them because you don't know every detail of their lives. As Anne Shirley once said, "There's more scope for imagination in them." ;)
     
  6. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    I've never read a Boba fic, before. And while Boba hasn't really done anything yet I'm enjoying this. Miele is an interesting OC, part humanitarian/part vigilante. I like the way you bounce in and out of your character's thoughts; that's something I like to do as well.

    Apoplexy, lechery, flayed: lots of fun words, too;).
     
  7. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Thank you for the lovely reviews -- I'm glad you're enjoying the story and Mièle so far (it's tough to be an OC!). [face_worried]

    Oh, and I have to thank the creators of "Troops" for the "ass-end of space" line I slipped in here.


    II

    At one point during the night Mièle was certain Fett had died. She had slipped into an uneasy sleep even as she sat in the repulsor chair next to the hospital bed, only to be awakened by the strident beeping of the equipment monitoring his vital signs. Before she could fully realize what was happening, the med droid was already at Fett?s side, making adjustments to the liquids that dripped into his arm, and sliding an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. When that didn?t produce the desired result, the droid shocked him twice with the fibrillators built into its hands, and suddenly the alarm subsided into the low-level pulsing of a normal sinus wave. It was probably the soft murmur of the machine that had put her to sleep in the first place.

    Through all of this Fett hadn?t moved. Mièle reflected, as she tried to settle herself into a more comfortable position in the chair, that the only thing about him which seemed alive was the pulsing light of his heart beat on the monitor.

    ?You shouldn?t scare people like that,? she said finally, after making sure the med droid had settled back down into deceptive quiescence. Obviously it was on a hair trigger if anything in a patient?s condition changed -- she hadn?t even awakened fully before the droid was already at work on Fett.

    She wondered whether the bounty hunter could hear her at all. Somewhere she thought she had read that people in comas could still sense when people were talking to them, but perhaps that only counted when the people involved actually knew one another. At any rate, talking to him made her feel better, and she hoped it would help keep her awake.

    ?You don?t know me,? she said, making her tone as soft and reassuring as she could. ?My name is Mièle, and I work here in the palace. That?s where you are now, in the med unit. You?re going to be fine.?

    Pausing, she glanced down at Fett?s slack features and thought he looked anything but fine. Still, a little misplaced optimism couldn?t hurt. ?Anyhow,? she continued, ?I?m hoping that you can help me out once you?re on your feet again. I want to get off Tatooine, and I know you?ve got a ship out back in one of Jabba?s private docking bays.? Again she laid her hand on top of his bandaged one. ?And if saving your life isn?t enough, I?m willing to share Jabba?s treasure with you. I?m close to cracking the code. A day or so more, probably. That?s what I?m doing here -- I?m no more a kitchen drudge than you are, but it was a good disguise.?

    She stopped then, wondering if she had said too much. What was to stop him from killing her after she had broken Jabba?s security system? Oh, she had saved his life, but was that enough? She knew next to nothing of him save his reputation as the most ruthless bounty hunter in the galaxy, but even bounty hunters had to follow some sort of code, didn?t they?

    Well, there was no help for it now. Very likely he couldn?t understand or even hear what she was saying, as far into unconsciousness as he had retreated. And if he had heard and understood, perhaps the lure of Jabba?s riches was enough to give him the will to survive. It was what had sustained her over the past few months, ever since she realized that Jabba had murdered her father after the final code for the security system was delivered. The money...and revenge.

    At first, of course, she had merely been unbelieving. Her father had been secretive about his latest job, but he had promised her that it was finally the big score, the one contract that would earn them enough to get off Tatooine forever. His skills with computers had never translated to any sort of talent with finances, and they had always led a precarious existence, never sure if they were going to make the rent or have enough to eat -- at least until Mièle was old enough to take matters into her own
     
  8. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    Yay! We get more. It seemed very Fett for the first words out of his mouth to be about money, to be so mercenary. Excellent update.
     
  9. Kezler

    Kezler Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    May 27, 2005
    This is professional quality stuff! Can't wait to read more of your work. Better than some of the commercially available books!
     
  10. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Thanks for the reviews and the nice comments! It's hard for us newbies, so I'm glad someone is reading this, LOL!


    III

    For a moment all she could do was stare at him, not believing he could have actually spoken. A few drops of caf spilled from the mug that dangled from her suddenly heedless fingers before she recovered herself enough to place it on the counter.

    ?You heard that?? she managed at last.

    His eyes shut briefly, lashes black against his bloodless cheeks. ?I heard a voice. Gave me something to concentrate on.?

    ?Does it -- does it hurt very much??

    There was no mistaking the ironic glance he gave her as he opened his eyes once more. ?Probably not as much as being completely digested would have.?

    Well, she had deserved that. Obviously he was lucid, if still very weak. And since he had heard her comments about Jabba?s treasure, there was no going back now. She said, ?Jabba hired my father to rebuild his security system. Then he had him killed.? She paused, but Fett made no comment. ?So I came here to crack the security system and steal whatever Jabba might have hidden in his vaults. Now he?s dead, so my job is a lot easier.?

    ?But you need a way out of here,? Fett whispered, his voice cracking on the last syllable.

    Concerned, Mièle looked over at the med droid. ?Should he have some water or something??

    The droid hurried over, looked at Fett?s vital signs, then laid a temp strip across his forehead. After that it flashed a light into each of his eyes. Through all of these dubious ministrations the bounty hunter remained stoic, unmoving.

    ?Water, OK,? the droid finally announced, pulling a perma-sealed moisture pack from one of the cupboards and attaching it to a long flexible tube. It pushed one end of the tube through Fett?s cracked lips and hung the pack from the multi-armed rack that held the various fluids which were slowly seeping into him.

    Fett took a few careful sips, then nodded at the droid, which removed the tube from his mouth. ?Better,? he said. ?So you?d give me half Jabba?s treasure just to get you offplanet??

    ?That?s right.?

    He was silent for a moment, considering. ?You don?t need me to get off Tatooine.?

    Mièle tried to remind herself that he was in a lot of pain. ?Well, yes, I do, actually, because you?ve got a ship right here. I don?t know how much is in those vaults, but I?m pretty sure it?s more than I could load onto a landspeeder, and those are the only vehicles left in the garages now. And in case you weren?t aware of the fact, the chances of a single unarmed ?speeder making it all the way from here to Mos Eisley are pretty slim. So you and your ship are my best bet.?

    Before answering, he gestured with one bandaged hand to the med droid to give him another few sips of water. Then he said, ?Better half than nothing??

    ?Exactly.?

    Another, longer silence this time, one in which she could only imagine what he must be thinking. Probably that she was unbelievably naïve and would be easy enough to take advantage of later on, after the treasure was actually secured. There were hundreds of places to stash a body in the palace, after all....

    ?All right,? he said finally. ?I owe you one.?

    That was the second time this evening he had managed to render Mièle speechless. She had expected much more of an argument over her request, but she should have known that whatever else he might be, any bounty hunter as successful as Boba Fett would have to be a realist.

    However, she was able to recover herself enough to nod coolly and say, ?Good.? Inwardly, though, she was cheering. Now all she had to do was crack that damned code.

    He nodded, but his eyes were sliding shut already. Even that brief exchange seemed to have exhausted him.

    ?Sleep now,? she said, ?but I?ll just be upstairs. Have the med droid call me if you need anything.?

    The barest movement of his head was the only reply she received, but Mièle was satisfied. He seemed willing to help her. The best thing now was for him to get plenty of rest so that he could heal as quickly as possi>
     
  11. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    This update is great.

    ...the Huttese equivalent of erotic art. - A very interesting (and disgusting) detail. Cringe-worthy.

    I'm interested by how you interpreted the time-line. I always figured that there were weeks between Han's rescue and the destruction of Death Star II: The Revenge. But the movie itself provides no actual hints as to the passage of time.

    I like Fett's stoic, laconic personality. They are definitely in the ESB Han/Leia constantly getting on each others nerves stage of the relationship.
     
  12. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Yes, they're never really clear about it in the film, but I always felt as if it was around a week or a little less, so that's what I went with here. It's interesting that you felt it was longer than that. Any particular reason why?
     
  13. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    Yes, they're never really clear about it in the film, but I always felt as if it was around a week or a little less, so that's what I went with here. It's interesting that you felt it was longer than that. Any particular reason why?

    Several, actually. First, I think hyperspace travel takes time. So when Luke is gallivanting across the galaxy, there is an implied passage of time. This dovetails nicely with my second reason: that Han would require time to rest and recover. He volunteered for the Endor mission, which presumably meant that he had time to not only recover but also to re-integrate himself into the Rebel leadership (not to mention Lando leading the fighters after being undercover for some time). The big GL is notoriously bad at letting us know when time has passed, just look at how Padme's pregnancy magically advances during ROTS; she goes from barely showing to having twins over what would otherwise seem like a week or two.

    Disclaimer: That's my impression from the movies. It would be possible to come up with perfectly plausible explanations that circumvent the above analysis. In fact, I'll do so right now:

    Hyperspace travel could be done by creating a wormhole through which the vehicle travels. If that's the case, then it should be nearly instantaneous. Evidence for this includes the Rebel fleet jumping from Sullust to Endor in what the movie vaguely suggests is the blink-of-an-eye.

    Also, Han may have rapidly recovered from hibernation sickness, and, due to Leia's influence and his own reputation, had an easy time getting back into the Rebel hierarchy.

    That's my four cents on the issue (two cents on each side ;)).
     
  14. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Well, Scroobius, you saved me having to argue my own timeline, so thank you for that! ;) Seriously, I think the fans have been given a lot of play in that area since it's so vague in the films, so I'm just going to stick with it for now.


    [b]IV[/b]

    In her dreams Mièle heard an insistent shrilling that went on and on, a sound that could not be ignored. With a gasp she sat up in bed, clasping the side of the cot on which she lay in an attempt to orient herself. The room was dark, save for a luma she had left burning at quarter-power in the dressing area, but it took only a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the dim light. Nothing seemed any different from the time she had put herself to bed -- had it been hours or only minutes ago? Then she realized the screaming sound had not originated in her dreams but had actually interrupted them -- it was the siren for Jabba?s perimeter security system. That could mean only one thing.

    Cursing, she pushed the covers away and bolted for the door, tripping over the sandals she had left on the floor next to her bed. She paused just long enough to gather them up and half-skip, half-run as she slid her feet into first one, then the other, even as she pounded down the hallway to the staircase that led to the ground floor of the palace. As Mièle passed the landing to the second floor she heard a loud crash from the vicinity of the med unit and looked back, startled, only to see Boba Fett stagger out into the hallway, pulling at the bandages on his hands even as he headed toward her with grim determination.

    ?What the hell do you think you?re doing?? she demanded, stopping to let him catch up to her.

    ?Is that the perimeter alert?? he asked.

    She scowled at him, provoked that he was out of bed at all, and even more irritated that he had so obviously brushed off her first question. ?Yes,? she said shortly. ?I can handle it.?

    ?You?? he asked, and raised an eyebrow. Before she could reply, he went on, ?Are the main defensive controls in the guard chamber??

    ?Yes, but -- ?

    He didn?t bother to wait. Limping a little, he hurried down the stairs as Mièle trailed in his wake, desperately searching for arguments that would be effective in getting him back into bed and finding none.

    At this hour the palace was dark; no one was around, after all, to see that proper illumination was provided. Fett seemed to have very good night vision -- [i]he must have eyes like a Tusken Raider[/i], she thought -- but even he accidentally collided with some low-hanging chimes in one doorway, the sound a sweet discordance against the continued shrilling of the siren.

    She wondered how he was able to find his way to the guard chamber so easily. It was not as if he had been a regular inhabitant of the palace, after all, but perhaps it was his practice to familiarize himself with his surroundings wherever he went. Again she thought of his long, bloody career, and of all the survival skills he would have been forced to develop along the way.

    Light flooded out of the guard chamber into the dark hallway; Mièle wasn?t sure whether she had forgotten to shut it down when she had retired for the evening or whether the overhead lighting came on automatically once the perimeter security system was activated.

    Fett pushed on ahead of her into the chamber, heading automatically for the main security console. The view screens revealed only dark desert, broken here and there by the bluish glow of the perimeter wards -- all screens save the one that showed the rear approach to the palace.

    ?What is that?? she asked, pointing at the dark bulk that seemed to fill the screen. In shape it recalled vaguely a jawa sandcrawler, but otherwise it resembled those slow, lumbering vehicles about as much as the Anchorhead boys? sandhoppers did an X-wing fighter. The unknown vehicle had an oily, gunmetal finish that shimmered oddly in the glare of the activated defense field; its outline seemed to be spiked with a number of strategically placed laser cannons.

    ?Get me into the system,? Fett co>
     
  15. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    Well, Scroobius, you saved me having to argue my own timeline, so thank you for that! wink Seriously, I think the fans have been given a lot of play in that area since it's so vague in the films, so I'm just going to stick with it for now.

    You're welcome. What can I say? I enjoy a friendly argument, even if it's with myself ;).

    I noticed that you've outted yourself as a feedback junkie, so I won't hold back as I'm reading.o_O


    She wondered how he was able to find his way to the guard chamber so easily. It was not as if he had been a regular inhabitant of the palace, after all... - Here is another of those things that the big GL leaves a bit fuzzy. In the ANH special edition, when Jabba accosts Han at the docking bay, Boba Fett has a cameo appearance at the end of the scene. Obviously he was at Jabba's palace at the end of ESB, and he's still there for the beginning of ROTJ. This implies that he does spend quite a bit of time there. But I'll go ahead and debunk myself again here by pointing out that in-between these appearances he could be gallivanting across the galaxy bringing in the bounties. (Also, it could just be that Miele doesn't know that he's familiar with the place)

    I like how Boba is stubborn and takes command of the defense even though he's only half-recovered. He would need that kind of resiliency in his line of work. They seem to work together pretty well. Maybe Fett will recognize she could be an asset.

    ?Let?s just say that the med droid and I had a difference of opinion.?
    - [face_laugh] Quite so.

    Oh, well, sleep is highly overrated, I hear
    - It's a family joke for us to talk about how just about everything is "highly overrated" so I really connected with this line.

    ...as if this were the first time he had actually thought of her as a real person with feelings and thoughts of her own and not simply an unwelcome and unnecessary intrusion or at best a tool to be used and discarded. - It's very Fett to view others with contempt until they've proven themselves on the field of battle.

    And we end with a little pre-mush. Not that I'm complaining. This story has thus far had more action than romance, but it's important to lay the groundwork for the former, and you've been doing an excellent job of that.

    I'm going to make some general comments now, since I apparently have not done that yet.

    The most striking thing about this story to me is the way everything flows so smoothly. You do an excellent transitioning between scenes; it's very easy-to-read. I also appreciate your use of language; I commented on a few of the words you used earlier, but in this post you use words like "discordant" and "unencumbered." A more interesting vocabulary helps bring more flavor, and I think you do that well. An earlier comment said that your work was "professional quality." I agree, I just wanted to talk about why that is so. (Actually, I think it's better, but I grew disenchanted with the pro EU stuff a while ago.)

    So am I making up for the relative dearth of comments by adding to the girth of this one?
     
  16. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005

    Yes, I was sort of going for the whole "gallivanting around the galaxy" thing on Boba's end. Also, even though Miele's been in Jabba's palace for two months, she's spent most of her time hanging out in the kitchens and sneaking around at night, and obviously she was trying to avoid contact with pretty much everyone during that period. So she wouldn't have known much about Fett except for what he looked like and something of his reputation.


    Absolutely! I had to say that your feedback really made my day, especially the comment about the professional quality of the work and how it compared with the "pros." I think it's funny that almost all of my readers on ff.n are female, and the two people who seem to be reading it here are male. I don't know what that means. [face_thinking]

    And yes, there will be mush, but no overly mushy mush. I hope. (Hey, at least I warn people that it's a romance in the title of the post!)
     
  17. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    V

    The hospital bed was empty when Mièle finally returned to check on Fett late the next morning. Again she had overslept, although it was difficult to say whether her reluctance to get up that morning could be attributed to the disruptions of the previous night or a natural disinclination to avoid seeing the bounty hunter after such unwelcome feelings about him had surfaced.

    Still, having once steeled herself to face him -- after a protracted grooming session in the dressing area of the slave girls? quarter, when it seemed no matter what she did her hair would not behave itself -- she was nonplused to see that he was gone. The pieces of the broken droid had been gathered up and stacked neatly in a corner, and the bed itself was likewise made up, with the sheets pulled taut over the pillow and the coarse, dark blanket tucked in with military precision.

    Well, at least he?s not a slob, she thought, but still she felt a stab of irritation. Who did he think he was, anyway, getting up and roaming around the palace when he was barely healed? She would have thought he?d sleep until early afternoon after the excitement of the previous night, but once again he?d proven her wrong.

    It was in the guard chamber that she found him, of course. He sat in front of the main view screen, fast-forwarding through a series of images that looked as if they?d been taken from the security cameras that watched the front palace gates.

    He looked up as she approached. The bulky bandages were gone; the skin that had been hidden underneath was still mottled and red in patches, but the healing process was obviously further along than she had thought. Somewhere he?d found a loose-fitting shirt and pants in standard-issue Tatooine beige to cover himself; in the mundane garments he should have looked less exotic, less alien, but somehow their very ordinariness only served to contrast with the swarthy skin, the distinctly offworld cast to his features. Mièle found herself wondering where exactly he came from.

    She opened her lips to speak and found her mouth oddly dry. She swallowed, then said, ?You should be in bed.?

    ?No time for that.? He turned back to the images that scrolled in front of him.

    ?What are you doing, anyway?? she asked, moving farther into the room. Somehow it was easier to approach him when he wasn?t looking directly at her.

    ?Going through the old security logs. I?m trying to see if our friends from last night ever paid Jabba a visit while he was still alive.?

    ?Know thy enemy?? she asked, and was rewarded with a quick approving glance.

    ?Right. But I?ve gone through eight standard months of these logs, and so far nothing. Doesn?t mean much, of course. People in Jabba?s circle can hold grudges for a long time.?

    She found she liked to hear him speak. He had a slight singsong accent, one she hadn?t heard before. At times it almost reminded her of the more precise intonations she found common in natives of the Core worlds, such as her father or Captain Malec, but then the vowels would flatten out and lift in a manner peculiarly his own. Mièle herself hadn?t inherited much of her father?s accent, save for a certain clarity of diction sadly lacking in most of the other denizens of Anchorhead.

    For a moment she continued to watch the images scroll past. It was amazing what a collection of scum had come to call on Jabba. Most of them seemed to have come to pay him sort of tribute; the great majority of the visitors revealed on the security cameras brought various boxes of loot -- hard currency, precious metals, drugs -- all of which were handed over to the security guards and secreted away somewhere in the vaults. The display brought home to her just how much treasure they were probably sitting on, as well as her continuing failure to recover it.

    ?I?m going for some breakfast,? she said at last, when it grew obvious he didn?t care to indulge her in any more conversation. ?You want any??

    Still he did not look up. ?Sure. And some caf, if you?ve got it.?

    Back to kitchen drudge, she thought,
     
  18. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    save for a certain clarity of diction sadly lacking in most of the other denizens of Anchorhead. - Clarity of diction? Nice phrase.

    Biting back a caustic remark about leaving a tip for the wait staff - This made me laugh.

    I like how you describe Fett's clothing choices. I've never thought about what he would wear in his down-time; I just see him in the suit. In fact, it's kind of strange to think of Boba Fett without the armor; his armor is as much a part of his character as Vader's is to his character.

    I really enjoy the way you're doing the romance. I know I kind of said this already, but it's like seeing the ESB Han/Leia thing through Leia's eyes.

    And please can Miele break the code already? I know there are legitimate story reasons for drawing it out, but it's frustrating. I want to see what happens; methinks that perhaps Jabba's treasure will be a disappointment. Just a guess.
     
  19. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    First off, I need to apologize for not having read this before. I've been in love with Fett since about 1981 and I don't take most Fett fic lightly as I'm really picky about characterization and tend to be a canon-junkie. That said, I am astounded. This is a fantastic read.

    I've digested so much so quickly I'm going to ramble a bit, but allow me to expound on some of things that made my day.

    Chapter 1:
    You use the word "apoplexy" in the 3rd paragraph! That in itself had me hooked.
    I've thoroughly enjoyed the scenes you've crafted. Miele's trip out to the sail barge and the discovery of the wreckage was very well done. You also have a realism to your writing that a lot of authors lack, the thought you put into your OC struggling with getting Fett into the speeder, the LENGTH of the trip back from the Sarlaac pit (most fail to note that Jabba didn't live next door to the hungry space worm). I also was impressed by your descriptions of the medical center, the medical droid and how you rationalize why your OC knows these things--often times people give their OCs all sorts of extra knowledge that there's no reason for them to have--you're connection of her experience when her father had a heart attack was smooth.
    Overall, it was very solid introductory chapter. Hoorah!

    Chapter 2:
    This chapter was full of all of the little things I love. Lots of imagery. You opened up the secrets of Jabba's Palace. I also like what you included about the Imperial Garrison--not every one is a rebel and in the greater scheme of things it was probably to Tatooine's advantage to have an Imperial presence there. The best thing about this chapter was that when Fett woke up he was in character. This is the problem I had with the Tales from Jabba's Palace/Tales of the Bounty Hunter short stories, I personally thought they missed the mark w/Fett's characterization. You've got it down.

    Chapter 3:
    "I owe you one" left a smile on my face. He's such a rat or better yet, I'll use your word--he's such a realist.
    The collapse of the Empire gave me chills. Here I was happily reading the story having totally forgotten about what else is happening the Galaxy and lo! and behold! the Emperor is dead and the Empire destroyed. Wow! And then Fett's very anticlimatic reaction was simply beautiful. Bravo!

    Chapter 4:
    Excellent action scene, even though it's from a console inside the palace and not a shoot'em up outside. This sets up a potential problem the characters are going to have to face. Excellent pacing! Also Fett's injuries are still an issue, he's not immediately healed and ready to start kicking butt. The detail you provided regarding his fingers was nice. And like Scroobius said earlier, the difference of opinion with the medical droid was classic.

    Chapter 5:
    Again, nifty imagery and descriptions of the kitchen--these are little things that really make this a top-notch piece. Fett remains consistently in character throughout, but you've established that so well that now as he starts to do things such as the Sandwich a la Fett and the loitering on the stairs, it's within the characterization that's already been established.

    Incredible piece! You've done excellent work establishing a very likeable OC, built an interesting backstory and set up what's going to be a great plot to chase after.

    I hope some of that makes sense. You've bowled me over with this story and I wanted to get my comments to you as soon as possible. I fully understand how frustrating it is to have something that you feel is a good work and then have a very limited reaction because of length or subject matter. You've got me a long for the ride and I am anxious to see where this going to take us. Again I don't give these compliments just to be polite. You deserve them and I am truly impressed.

    Please don't forget to PM your updates. :)
     
  20. Antilles2001

    Antilles2001 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 20, 2001
    Wow. I'm not one for romance fics, but that was pretty damn good. I'm glad I decided to have a change of pace.

    I really like your characterization of Fett. And that lil' bit of action in there--lovely touch.

    Expecting more. :)
     
  21. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Oqidaun: I have to say I'm rendered speechless by your review! That made my day, if not my entire week. :D I respect you as a writer, so let me just say that I'm bowled over by your comments. I'll do my best to make sure the "ride" will continue to be worth it!

    Darth_Scroobius: Your wish is my command...read on! ;)

    Antilles2001: I'm glad you decided to take a chance with something different! I promise it won't get too mushy...I think. [face_batting]




    VI

    ?Rath Darkpiper,? Boba Fett said, not bothering to turn from the view screen.

    ?Excuse me?? Mièle hesitated at the entrance to the chamber, caught off-guard by Fett?s cryptic comment.

    With that he did swivel halfway toward her. Then he gave a slight inclination of his head in the direction of an image frozen on the screen behind him. ?Our friendly visitors from the other evening. Think I finally got a lock on ?em.?

    Again, his simple matter-of-fact attitude was immediately reassuring. Although she had spent a considerable length of time in front of the dressing-room mirror this morning berating herself for her apparently groundless fears of the night before, Mièle had still felt anxious at confronting Fett once more. What if he could read some of her internal turmoil in her face? But she saw nothing in his own features save a slight satisfaction at finally solving the mystery of their attackers.

    ?So who?s Rath Darkpiper?? she asked, hoping that she hadn?t paused too long before replying.

    ?Typical Jabba wannabe,? he replied. ?Maybe not completely typical. He?s pretty well backed. Let?s call him the number-two or -three fish in this small pond.?

    For a second she stared at him blankly, not comprehending the reference. Then she recalled a few of the things she?d read about xenobiology, including creatures that actually lived in the water on some worlds. Trying to assume a sage expression, she said, ?Got it.?

    His response was that same slightly lifted eyebrow, as if he knew all too well that she didn?t have any idea what he was talking about. ?He was in a lot of the same stuff as Jabba -- smuggling, racketeering, slaving. Looks like Jabba got the better of him once or twice, which would have given him a reason to come sniffing around -- as if just picking at the leavings in the palace wasn?t enough reason.?

    Despite herself, she moved farther into the room, pausing only a few feet away from the screen that showed the aforementioned paragon. The image from the security camera was grainy and small, but she made out a human male of about her father?s age, only built on a far grander scale. Lestan Fels had been a slim man of middle height; this Rath Darkpiper would have topped her father by almost a head and was proportionately broad, though not fat. He wore dark, elaborate offworld robes that were ridiculously inappropriate for the Tatooine climate and was surrounded by a group of thugs only marginally larger than he.

    ?Nice,? she commented. Then she noticed the empty pot of caf sitting on the desktop next to a stained mug and a plate decorated with a few scattered crumbs. ?Have you been in here all night??

    He shrugged. ?You need to be alone to work, and I wanted to finish this up. Seemed like a reasonable allocation of resources.?

    She tried to estimate how many hours he?d been up straight without rest. At least thirty-six, as far as she could guess, which was far too long for a man who should have still been convalescing in bed. She knew better than to remonstrate with him, however, and said only, ?Well, I?m up now, so if you want to catch a few hours? rest, go ahead.? At his brief hesitation, she added, ?Don?t worry -- I promise I?ll come get you if any other wandering thugs come by.?

    The dark eyes watched her carefully, and Mièle felt a small flush start to her cheeks. She could only hope that her desert tan would hide most of it. What he saw in her face she couldn?t begin to guess, but he gave a small nod and stood. Positioned so, he was very close to her -- closer than he had ever bee
     
  22. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    Sweet. It looks like you're developing some much-deserved readership.

    Rath Darkpiper - [face_laugh] That is so funny. What a great first line.

    For a second she stared at him blankly, not comprehending the reference. Then she recalled a few of the things she?d read about xenobiology, including creatures that actually lived in the water on some worlds. Trying to assume a sage expression, she said, ?Got it.?

    I like the way she has to analyze the colloquialism to get it. Not many ponds on Tatooine.

    Then, without another word, he left the room. - The big build-up, and then the let-down. The romance sub-plot is beautifully subtle.

    Nice, friendly name for a ship - Indeed.

    [face_dancing] Yay! We broke the code. I was wrong about the lack of treasure. Oops. And the mush begins. I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but the kiss was very ESB. Complete with interruption. This story is so great; I feel grateful just to read it without paying you.[face_money_eyes]
     
  23. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    Your pacing is top-notch. This is so much fun.
    Wonderful chapter! There were so many neat things happening.

    Lars Homestead taken out by Sandpeople--that's Imp propaganda at its finest.

    I liked how you worked her mother back into the story as the code word, I get the feeling that we're going to hear from her again maybe?

    Money Mode Fett is just fabulous from the moment he answers the door in his flight suit all the way to making out in a vault--and you know if there's such a thing as seedy Mandalorian romance vids they all take place in vaults. He's so smooth. "I've been wanting to do that for a while." :D Loved it.

    It's funny because as I read I take notes on a scrap of paper so that I remember my comments and when I got to ?Darkpiper,? he said, ?has impeccable timing....? I wrote ACK! in my notes. Excellent job!
     
  24. sdhfs

    sdhfs Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 22, 2004

    great story as usual
     
  25. BobaFanGirl

    BobaFanGirl Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 10, 2005
    Oh, I'm so glad I found this! I'm a huge Boba Fett fan, but most of the fics I've read about him seemed kind of OOC. I really like how you're writing him, and I think Miele is a great OC. And the kiss...WOW! More soon, please! [face_love]
     
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