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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga Burn! Burn! Burn! (PreAotC/Horror/ OCs, Poof, Anakin, Obi-Wan) **COMPLETE**

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by oqidaun, Aug 5, 2005.

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  1. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    correllian_ale: *rubs hands together* ah, a cult! would you like some kool-aid? I think I know the Denzel film you're thinking about, but Badour's not like that.

    GrandAdmiralV: You're raising the same point as scroob did the other day, I just forgot to respond. Badour's not a shape shifter and she is very coporeal. If you think about how invisible children really are sometimes, Badour doesn't have to physically change to blend in or go unnoticed. and Yeah, Allizen was a turd and deserved to die. MWAHAHAHAHA!!

    jaylis: I am very proud Badour, she's crafty. Glad to see you around!

     
  2. JOINME

    JOINME Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2005

    Wonderful update, as per usual.

    *perks up at mention of cult*

    ooh sweet! where can I get my 'I love oqidaun' shirt?? [face_love]

    That brat really was annoying, but I do feel sorry for her. bad day for her that she ran into Badour..

    *begins laughing hysterically* [face_laugh]

    anyway I'm becoming quite fond of Badour, she's sort of admirable..

    hmm ok. So shes not some kind of spirit thing.. ah what the heck.
    I'm gonna let you tell the story. ;)

    More please! [face_praying]
     
  3. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    Maybe we'll get lucky and she'll go visit uncle Palpy and do away with him early on...


    No wait- she'd probably join him! never mind....
     
  4. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    ?Because, I?m going to take your place.?

    +

    ?You can call me Badour. I?ve earned that name.?

    =

    Someone who really knows how to close out a scene.

    Sorry for the math. ;)


    ooh sweet! where can I get my 'I love oqidaun' shirt?? - I want one too!
     
  5. correllian_ale

    correllian_ale Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Wait!

    Cult T-Shirts?!?!

    Do I get roylaties?

    *grins sheepishly* or maybe just a t-shirt would do, with a photo of Badour on the back....
     
  6. lindemacil

    lindemacil Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 16, 2005
    An oqidaun cult? Dude, sign me up.

    Another brilliant chapter with more of Badour's creepy exploits. The girl certainly does evil well. It's such a special talent.

    Though, Master Poof is moving upward in the creepy department too. Maybe he's a minion? [face_thinking] Naaah.
     
  7. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    **pours red kool-aid for cult members**

    lindemacil: Poof has freaked me out since the spoiler days of TPM.

    correllian_ale: Maybe a commemorative tattoo?

    scroob: Your math equations are always welcome.

    Padawankitara: I don't think you want Badour and Palpy in the same room, just think of all the maniacal laughter. Mas Amedda would be so confused.

    JOINME: You felt bad for the brat? [face_plain] Would you feel less bad if I told you it was quick and only slightly messy? Of course I'd be lying as that fresher was closed for a week while the custodians were cleaning out the vents.

    You guys rock. I'll update when I get home.
     
  8. lindemacil

    lindemacil Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 16, 2005
    Poof has freaked me out since the spoiler days of TPM.

    Good point. I've never been able to take him seriously because of his name; it sounds like a crappy breakfast cereal. I keep expecting my roommate to come home with a box of Master Poofs.

    :oops: It's late, and my brain is not working right.

    Ooh, kool-aid . . .
     
  9. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    Chapter 15:
    The strength to carry on?

    Shadora Port, Shoda, Dakari Sector, Mid/Outer Rim Transition Zone

    A foot of snow covered the ground, a sterile mask to hide the burned surface. The simple duracrete and wooden structures built to withstand the elements betrayed the humility and earnestness of the builders. Clutching the dark green robe she misguidedly traded her heavier brown one for; she left the warmth of the small port. Suspicious eyes watched her as she hurried down the narrow roadway to the outskirts of the town. Although an immigrant planet, distrust of outsiders was pervasive.

    Under snowy bandages the flat plains stretched beyond the horizon. The long winter night approached and the temperature dropped further. At the boundary post maintained by the Mandakari Occupation and Settlement Authority (MOSA) she turned to the east, the cold wind burned her face. With her back to the conveniences of ?proper? civilization she continued down the frozen road.

    Meditating as she walked, she found peace in the emptiness and familiarity to the seemingly endless road. Elitrea knew that the journey of life followed a similar trek towards unity with the Force and that it was the possibly of that unity that kept beings moving forward. Unfortunately, the path was not as straight as the rustic trail across the Shodari plain and sometimes beings got lost. The lost walked the frozen road for all of eternity.

    In the distance a cluster of lights broke the spell of isolation. A tiny village of partially prefabricated dwellings challenged the monotony of the harsh plain. At the seventh door she raised her closed fist and pounded. As her dry knuckles struck the durasteel she feared they would shatter. Muffled sounds conferred behind the barrier. Fearful eyes studied her through the tiny peephole and hesitantly the door slid open revealing a glimpse of the warm fire lit room.

    The matriarch motioned for her to enter and wordlessly put her before the raging fire. A mixed group of ten adults and children gathered at the edges of the room, obediently remaining in the shadows watching the uninvited guest. Timidly, an adolescent boy placed a bowl of hot vegetable broth in her hands and his younger sister draped a warm blanket over her shoulders. To some the silence of Shodari hospitality would have been unbearable, however, her careful studies served her well and she knew not to speak until spoken to or risk being sent back into the snow.

    ?I remember you,? the matriarch sat down on the low wooden stool beside her. ?Why have you come back??

    ?I need answers.? Elitrea met her gaze.

    Knowingly, a smile crept across her lips. ?Too much knowledge is like too much whiskey, it makes your head swim.?

    Undaunted, she continued, ?Why did you send the girl away??

    ?Did your mother tell you stories??

    ?I didn?t know my mother. I was raised in a temple with other children.?

    She looked at her closely and put her warm rough hand against the visitor?s face. The lines around her eyes softened. ?That is why you can?t understand.?

    ?I want to understand and set things right.?

    ?Set things right?? She mocked looking to the vigilant eyes in the shadows.

    ?A boy I was as close to as my son is dead and a woman I loved like my mother has also died.? Vainly, she looked for compassion in the woman?s dark eyes. ?My master was old, but she had lived her life. The boy was just beginning his. His death cannot go unspoken for or he will never find peace?I will never find peace.?

    ?Did they teach you in your temple to believe this way??

    ?No,? she glanced down at the green cloak. The lightsaber hidden at her side felt unusually heavy. ?Yet, I believe it.?

    The old woman?s gnarly hands seized a sample of intricate embroidery from a basket on the floor and she threw it into the fire. Elitrea regarded her quizzically.

    ?When could you have stopped me??

    ?I didn?t know you were going to do that.?

    ?What happens if you reach into the fire to reclaim it now??

    ?I would burn my hands.?

    ?Then h
     
  10. correllian_ale

    correllian_ale Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2005
    What an excellent scene, oqidaun. =D=

    ?You can stop a fire before it starts,? Elitrea whispered.
    The woman shook her head, ?No, that is just something we tell our children to keep them from playing with strikers.?
    -the old woman kind of reminds me of a grumpy yoda; mixed with a little of the psycic from Poltergiest for spice. he he he

    I await to see if what Elitrea really wants is to stop Badour, or get revenge? :mad:

    Good luck w/ your RL writing; I'll keep a vigil for Part II!

    -oh I also use music to help influence a story or scene, esp. when I'm trying to capture a mood, my tastes are a little more mainstream though. But, if you ever get a chance, check out/sample Glenn Danzig's Balck Aria, it's good when I want a darker note... [face_devil]
     
  11. jaylis

    jaylis Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    May 18, 2005
    ?Start over, make a new one, throw the ashes to the wind and keep your handiwork away from the fire. That is life."

    True wisdom. And I agree with correllian_ale, the old woman sounds a whole lot like Yoda.

    It's interesting that the old (like the Ladakari) seem more familiar with Badour or what she really is.

    Wonderful cover art, but I have a feeling that Palpatine is not going to make the situation any better. Hope you'll still have some time to write for us starving readers!:)

     
  12. lindemacil

    lindemacil Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 16, 2005
    A great way to end part one, with promises of more excellently creepy shenanigans to come. I get the feeling no one's coming out of this unscathed.

    Good luck with the rl stuff!


    By Halloween, I'm going to have you checking behind shower curtains and looking over your shoulders.

    :D [face_worried]
     
  13. JOINME

    JOINME Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2005

    great update as usual oqidaun, and a fantastic way to end the first part.
    I find myself liking this chapter the most, that 'yoda like' mystic sort of woman intrigued me..

    I really enjoyed the conversation between her and Elitrea...

    I cannot wait until she finally (hopefully) confronts Badour..and until you give us some answers.. ;)

    I eagerly await Part Two. Good luck with your manuscript, I sincerely hope you will not be snuffed out. :D

    [:D]
     
  14. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    JOINME: Yoda like, she was? Like this, she spoke not. :p (Tease, I do.)

    lindemacil: I get the feeling no one's coming out of this unscathed. Are you saying you have a bad feeling about this?

    jaylis: You might be on to something. And the "start over thing" was one of those lines I really liked too.

    correllian_ale: Revenge? Good question. I'll have to dig out the Danzig in your honor. I've not listened to them since I was an undergrad. \m/

     
  15. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    Sorry- I had too much Koolaid so I wasn't in any condition to reply yesterday.

    I can't wait for part 2!! But for now, it sounds like you're back to that wonderful world of publish or perish- eeek!
     
  16. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Wonderful closing, one that really teases more than it reveals.

    I also like the quiet, contemplative feel of it...the cold, the women huddled at the fire, the sense of all these undercurrents moving throughout the galaxy...very well done.

    I worry for Elitrea...she doesn't seem to have any idea of what she's getting herself into by going after Badour.


    Well, that's the right time of year for it! [face_pumpkin]

    Good luck with your manuscript...it's always the stuff we HAVE to do that's the most difficult, unfortunately. If you get too stressed out, just let me know and I'll send you the link to my latest round of Boba Fett soft porn. [face_batting]


     
  17. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    Sorry it took so long to reply but you've been pumping out fics like a machine. I can barely keep up.

    I think Elitrea knows what she's getting into. The scary part is that she doesn't care. (Exhibit A: ?I don?t care.?) Looking forward to Part II, after you evilly made it sound like you would bring this storyline to some sort of resolution this week but were apparently misleading us all.

    If I continue to ignore the nonfiction manuscript, hired thugs will be dispatched to snuff me out. - Do you really smell that bad? ;)

    creepy shenanigans - If I had to describe this story in only two words I could do no better than that.
     
  18. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    Burn! Burn! Burn!
    Part II: Servant of the Suicide Moon



    A suicide moon
    With rings:
    Red! Red! Red!

    Toll the hollow bells
    For the:
    Dead! Dead! Dead!

    Battlefields on fire
    And it:
    Burns! Burns! Burns!


    Shodari Immigrant Children's Rhyme.



    Prologue:


    Mid-Rim Embassy, Ambassadorial District, Coronet, Corellia, Corellian Sector

    Groggily, he lingered in the hazy interlude between sleep and consciousness, uncertain of where he was or if he continued to wander in the land of dreams. He opened his eyes. As his eyes focused he began to recognize the shapes and shadows made visible by the moon light filtering in through the small window above his work bench. Intensified by the stark white duracrete walls, the blue light illuminated the abstract designs of the hand woven rug in the center of the small room. For years he imagined that the rug with its bold angular patterns was a map to the secrets of the Galaxy and used it to plan the adventures of his adulthood.

    A red light pulsed on a diagnostics monitor indicating its completion of scanning the faulty photoreceptor he had repaired with hopes of adding it to his droid. Lazily, he stretched his legs and was surprised his feet almost touched the end of the little sleeping alcove. Turning on his side to face the coolness of the wall, he wrapped himself in the old, yet freshly laundered sheets. He breathed deeply the cool dry air and the smell of Whipoor flowers filled his nostrils.

    His bed.

    His room.

    His world.

    As he settled back into the embrace of sleep, he heard her voice. He knew she was always just a room away, an ever present entity in his world, yet rarely did she speak. Tonight he heard her distinctly.

    ?He tries so hard, but sometimes it?s not enough. I?ve always tried to be there, but sometimes it?s just impossible. I can?t watch him every hour of the day. He?s going to have to learn to be on his own.?

    There was a pause and another softer inaudible voice answered.

    He strained his ears, but his actions only made clearer the sound of the cooling unit and night time noises outside the narrow window.

    ?I know it?s not my fault.? She said evenly.

    Fully awake, he could tolerate the mystery no longer. With whom did she speak? Quietly, he slipped out of his bed and drew upon the Force to silence his footfalls as he crossed the room to the partially open door.

    ?It frightens me sometimes, but I have to let what will happen, happen. I?ve played my part and done all that I can?at least I hope I have.?

    He crept through the door and kept to the shadows of the sitting room. The single luma in the kitchen area created a soft white glow around the silhouette of his mother. He struggled to hear the other voice.

    ?I don?t know if he?s strong enough.? Shmi continued.

    Stealthily, he stood at edge of room and tried to peer around her. He held his breath and endeavored to move closer. Suddenly, Shmi turned around, discovered him and tilted her head in surprise. The chair across from her was vacant.

    Wordlessly, he turned to retreat.

    His about-face put him almost on top of her. ?Anakin Skywalker!? The hauntingly familiar voice, now audible, exclaimed.

    The plain faced child had been behind him as he spied on his mother. The room faded into darkness. He stumbled backwards into the nothingness and she watched him fall.

    As he fell, Anakin grabbed at her and demanded, ?What are you doing here??

    ---

    Always a light sleeper, Obi-Wan was well aware of Anakin?s persistently troubled sleep. Early in their relationship as Master and Padawan, Obi-Wan had sought the assistance of Master Yaddle to help Anakin with his frequent insomnia and troubling dreams. She had taught him to meditate before bedtime and it seemed to work for over a year. Anakin, however, mentioned the problem to his secular benefactor Chancellor Palpatine. Quite innocently, Palpatine gave him some information about lucid dreaming and of course Anakin preferred his advice to that of the esteemed Master Yaddle. Subsequently
     
  19. Exeter

    Exeter Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 2, 2005
    Wow! That was pretty vivid for being "just a dream".

    Those little rhymes are too cool.

    I particularly liked this line:

    While he felt that he was doing a reasonably good job getting his emotions under control, Obi-Wan would later liken it to hitting a gravity well while in hyperspace.

    Nice work!
     
  20. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    So much for waiting to work on this until you got the nonfiction work under control. :p

    Could you PM me your updates? I wasn't expecting more BBB from you, and I wouldn't have found this if I hadn't been surfing around on the Saga boards.

    I like the rhymes, too. They really contribute to the world-building you've done for this story.

    Very creepy that Badour is now invading Anakin's dreams...like the guy doesn't have enough problems already.

    Also, good work on the underlying tension about Anakin's relationship with Palpy. It sets the stage for further conflict.

    Nice, unsettling beginning -- excellent work (not that I would expect anything else!).

    (This is completely OT, but speaking of unsettling -- I just saw a trailer for a film called The Exorcism of Emily Rose, and just the trailer scared the cr*p out of me. I thought you might want a heads-up since you're like me and appreciate a good devil movie.) [face_devil]

     
  21. correllian_ale

    correllian_ale Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2005
    I have a feeling that's the last update we may have for awhile.

    It's kind of like when your sitting at a resturant, and you see the waitperson bringing your appetizer, but then sets it down for the table party next to you! Or when you're at a pastry or coffee shop drinking a bottomless cup of coffee, yet you roll around your empty mug on your table, asking people who walk by, "Why can I do this?"

    Why does this story vex me? Why can't I just enjoy the terrifying, yet cherished ride you've taken us on oqidaun? Why do I need to know what Badour is, and what her(its) motives are?!?!?

    UGGGHHHH! Charlie Brown would say.
    *rubs hands together menacingly...Excellent oqidaun!
    Sorry, I must go take my pills...[face_hypnotized]
    \m/ \m/
     
  22. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    I have had the luxury of updating quite frequently, because I?ve put some real world commitments on the backburner. Sadly, I have to devote some much needed attention to...

    Blaa, blaa, blaa... two days later, here we are. My response is: "Liar, liar, pants on fire." (Note: I'm intending that to be humorous on at least three levels.)


    The plain faced child had been behind him as he spied on his mother. The room faded into darkness. He stumbled backwards into the nothingness and she watched him fall.

    This is much more disturbing if visualized while read.

    ?Anakin, center yourself,? - Typical Obi-Wan helpfulness.

    As he stopped trembling, Obi-Wan let go of him and resumed his more reserved role as Master. - More reserved? Because he was being so compassionate before.


    On a semi-related note, I have a confession to make: I'm not actually a big fan of the horror genre, BUT I am a big fan of the oqi genre. I hope you can forgive me.[face_praying]


    On a much lesser-related note,
    Sweet. I'm not the only one.
     
  23. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    Gather 'round kids, I've a confession to make...

    I'm having a bit of a problem with the nonfiction thing. Basically, I don't want to write about epidemic staphylococcus aureus phage type 80/81 in the 1950s this week. I need to work on it and will possibly be murdered on 30 Sept if I fail to turn in a chapter. I'm a terrible slacker (Last October I had to read 70 books for part of my comprehensive examinations and still managed to jam and hang out with my musical/deadbeat friends. [face_plain] ), yet turn out amazing work under pressure. I'm going to have to multi-task to get both my fiction and nonfiction written--I've already stopped sleeping. If I don't keep this outlet open, I'm going to have a really wild narrative going on in the other work;which might be cool as it's a sick and twisted real life story about dirty hospitals, dead babies and a cover-up.

    I'll update at least once a week w/maybe a viggie on the side.

    :D That said, don't go sending me any funeral flowers just yet...

    correllian_ale: Simmer down, friend, have a pill and I'll be right around with some decaf. However, you do know that I'm going to drive you mad? [face_devil]

    scroob: Visualization is a beautiful thing. That was a particularly hard scene to put into words. Thanks for the multileveled humor. :D It's ok that you're not keen on horror, especially as you've fueled my ego and encouraged my megalomaniacal tendencies by assigning me my own genre.

    Exeter: Thanks!! It's also cool to have another Fraser devotee hanging around.

    GrandAdmiralV: Glad you like the children's rhymes. I sort them out very sneakedly <--new word! and then go in the kitchen and hop up and down to check the cadence. Technically they're skipping rope style ditties. As far as focusing on my other work--eh, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
     
  24. JOINME

    JOINME Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2005
    Great update oqidaun.

    That was very creepy and unsettling-

    and of all people to spook, Badour picks our favourite emotionally disturbed Jedi, Anakin. [face_plain]

    Now is Anakin going to confide in Obi-Wan before it's too late?

    I really liked the background, Yaddle taught him to meditate to get rid of the dreams, palpatine tells him to lucid dream, and guess which one Anakin chooses.. [face_shame_on_you]

    As always can't wait for more. :D

    Lol, I really hope you don't get snuffed. ;) I'm sure you will be fine. :D
     
  25. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    You started it :)

    COme play with us whenever you have time away from the real world.
     
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