Burning Questions! Ask the Characters Game

Han: Son? I swear, I never touched the girl. Are you even sure you have the right guy? Chewie, isn't there somewhere we need to be?


Lord Vader, why did you agree to record that intro for the Imperial News Network?

 

They promised me a pair of Larry King's suspenders. But then it didn't come in black leather, so I had to strangle someone. And now you know what happened to Jar Jar.



Qui Gon Jin, did you have a force vision telling you that Anakin was going to win that podrace, or do you just have a gambling addiction?

 

Qui-Gon: I do not have an addiction, and I bet you one million credits that I can stop now. While we're on the subject, it's also not true that I lost my first padawan to the Hutts in a game of knifey-spoony. It was all part of a clever plan to get him undercover. It was entirely unnecessary for Master Yoda to go in and buy him back.



Padmé, why did you keep a picture of Dooku under your pillow?

 

Padmé, why did you keep a picture of Dooku under your pillow?


It helps me sleep at night while Anakin's off being all "Sithly."




Lowbacca, when are you going to admit you've got the hots for Jaina?

 

Lowie (translated): I've admitted it from the first day! I've sent her flowers and jewelry and sonnets that I wrote based on her name! What more does a Wookiee have to do? And don't go looking at me like I'm some weirdo for liking her, either. Most of the men in my family have had things for humans. I don't think that Cousin Lumpy has ever dated a Wookiee, and Uncle Chewie went out with some woman named Leia for a while. And Grandpa Itchy's so unashamed that he leaves human-porn holos lying all over the place even when company's coming over!*



Darth Maul, is there a special woman in your life?








*Listen to that Diahann Carroll segment from the Holiday Special and tell me that's not what it was.

 

Darth Maul, is there a special woman in your life?

No. My Master will not allow it, as he says the lack of a love life is good for honing my rage.

(That's the official answer I am required to give out. My Master doesn't know as much as he thinks he does. He certainly doesn't know that I'm planning to strike him down to-- Oops.)


Jamillia, how did you handle being ousted from your position as Queen of Naboo by a little twelve year old girl?

 

Eh. I guess the voters did't like the whole "Sold half the planet to pay for my shoe collection and hair ribbons" scandal. Whatever, I could beat that girl in a spelling bee, but nooooooo she wants to "debate" all the time.



Jabba, honestly do you not have a mirror, maybe some wet naps? You've got something green right about... here *indicating entire face*

 

Jabba: Ka lowfi matta winky da shoba!

Translation: I'm the friggin king of all scum I wipe my mouth for no one!


Darth Maul...I gotta ask...what does a lightsaber to the torso smell like?

 

Darth Maul:

Chicken... oh, wait, that's what it tastes like...

But you said smell so... hmmm... let me just check.

*cuts down a rebel soldier*

*takes a sniff of the torso wound*



It smells like hot sick a**!



Wicket - What did that biscuit Leia gave you really taste like? Was it delicious, or were you just being polite?

 

Wicket: You know when your feet get all itchy and start to peel a bit? Imagine trying to cure that by licking between your toes. It was like that, but in a kinda good, really, way.




Obi-Wan: Why are you surrounded by cops?

 

Obi-Wan: They're hoping that if something happens to me, then they can take my place. I haven't the heart to explain that it doesn't work like that.

Breha, for someone who claims to be faithful, Bail seems to have had affairs with most of Padme's Handmaidens. What's up with that?

 

Bail: well, padme's handmaidens, quite frankly, have affairs with everyone. Did you hear about Obi-Wan?

To Chewie: Do you have acne under all that fur?

 

Chewie - If I show you...I'd have to rip your arms off like a gundark! Sorry...I'm having the worst pimple attack under here and it makes me go Rrraaaarrooogggh!


Qui Gon Jinn - Did you think Anakin's mom was hot?

 

Qui-Gon: It was a desert planet. Everyone was hot.


Saesee Tiin: When you lose a horn, does it affect your balance?



[Darn. When I asked, "Obi-Wan, why are you surrounded by cops?" I was hoping someone would say, "Because the force is with me."]

 

Saesee Tiin: Only when I'm drunk or in a high wind.

Luke: Did you still have a crush on Leia when Obi-Wan decided to let you in on the secret?

 

I'd be lying if I said no...

Wait... does admitting that make me a bad Jedi, or a bad brother??



C3PO: Have you always had a penchant for male robots, or is that a result of programming by Anakin Skywalker?

 

Oh...you asked something, Mistress Jedi-Ant?
Well, while R2 is a very good acquaintance of mine, and while I hold him in high esteem, I have to admit, that I have met this hot silvery C3P4-droid yesterday.
She makes me get all oily hands and the electrons freeze in my circuits...
Shh- Don't tell R2---he might get jealous!

Wedge, why did you fly loopings for the whole day with your X-wing?

 

Wedge, why did you fly loopings for the whole day with your X-wing?

I just knew I could catch my vapor tail, er trail.

Ben, are you really that dense?

 

Ben, are you really that dense?

What? I don't know what you're talking about. It's not like my cousin is a sith lord out to kill my mom or something. Whatever.

Jacen: What were you thinking when you realized that "Galactic Alliance Gaurd" as an acronym spells GAG? Did you really think that would create public appeal?

 

Let me assure you right now that the Galactic Alliance Guards poses no threat to the honest, hard working people in the Galaxy. That said, GAG is exactly that. A gag to stop the spread of terrorism in our homes. It is a weapon to strike at the very respiration of unstable and undesired elements among us. The GAG is an institution that allow the Galaxy to breathe more at ease while choking off the very air that terrorist like my parents breathe. We don't want the scums of the earth like them to like the name GAG, we want them to fear it. Now excuse me, I'll have to confiscate that recorder, as it might compromise our agents. One more thing, I'm sure you're tired after your flight, and I arranged for some refreshments. I would be honoured if you would join me.

Uncle Luke, have you ever considered moving on after Aunt Mara's death. I know it's hard, but maybe you might want to get into the social scene again. I bumped into Miss Shan(1) the other day, and she might still be on planet. (mutters to myself* if you really want to see her, I'll have to mindrub her first)*

(1)Deena Shan. See Wookieepedia if you don't know who she is.

 

Luke: She had her chance...besides, I'm looking for some hot girl on girl wookie action now. Yes...I've become that desperate. *Sigh* So...what was her address again?


Hey Darth Vader...if you where given the chance to re-do your life again...would you, ya know...gotten a better hair cut as a child?

 

Vader: How dare you insult me! *begins Force-choke*

That is just so Jacen.

Vergere, are you really a Sith or is that just another lie?

 

Well, since Sith, by very definition lie, then my answer would be somewhat suspect. If I were a Sith, you you expect me to answer truthfully?

Luke, it appears that you and Mara, neglected to discpline your son. Why?

 

Luke: We spent way too much time around child psychologists. Word to the wise: bad, bad idea.


Lando, you gotta be the coolest, smoothest guy in the galaxy. So tell me - how the hell did you lose a game of sabacc so badly that it cost you the Millennium Falcon? Were you high or something? Seriously.

 

Lando: " Thank you, but That little disaster is a product of three things 1) large amounts of Alcohol 2) A very pretty lady whose neckline met her waistline, eyes like saphire gems, long legs, burning red hair... 3) And Han Cheated! "



Jaina: When are you going to start acting like an adult, follow the women in your family and kick some Sith rear? Wait... Stupid question-- when are you going to stop acting like the women in your family and stop expecting evil folk to change?