Beyond - Legends Chasing Dreams (L/M, post-NJO, repost) Complete!

Beautiful update! Luke and Mara, and the way you write them, are pure gold. Well done.

 

(All together now!) Sorry I'm late with the replies! DRL likes to hold me hostage.

You know this is my most favorite chapter. I love how Luke and Mara communicate.There is anger and pain but they work through it together. I love how Luke listens to Mara without empty platitudes and takes her thoughts on their never being together (*sob!*) seriously. And, of course, that ending. I adored it then, I adore it now, I'll adore it always!!!!

 

Thank you!

Luke really is a big sap.

He probably should have! But neither Luke nor Mara have much time for placating, which unfortunately means some brutal honesty sometimes...

Thank you!

Thanks! We didn't get much emotional stuff in the profic, since I guess they needed to focus on the "wars" aspect but that's what fic is for! And I love Lando, I squeeze him in whenever I can.

Thank you!

Thanks, gal! Given the way Mara reacted, Luke couldn't just brush it off with platitudes, but needed to find and acknowledge the truth - that's what I love about them both, they force each other to examine themselves and connect on a deeper level

 

A/N: There are two line thefts/homages to Stargate SG-1 in this chapter from the episodes Prometheus Unbound and Urgo.





Luke Skywalker's quarters, Yavin IV. 12 ABY.


Luke cast an apprehensive look over the sleeping trader who tossed fitfully in his bed. She moaned, and Luke moved closer towards her, touching her bare arm gently. Mara wavered on the verge of consciousness for a few moments, and Luke waited for those eyes to flutter open and meet his. He wasn't sure how she would react, but it would relieve his heavy heart immensely if she showed any signs of waking. Her eyelids flittered and Mara let out another soft moan, but did not wake. She settled back into a deep, if not comforting sleep.

Luke sighed, and pressed his hand to her forehead. Her skin was clammy, and far too warm. Luke inspected her closely, looking for any sign of change. Mara's face was pallid and white - even the freckles that speckled her cheeks were not visible. Sweat glistened around her hairline and forehead, but Luke didn't dare lower the temperature of the room, nor remove the blankets that covered her. Not since she'd begun to shiver uncontrollably a few hours before. She'd been asleep for many hours, and the rest had not seemed to have improved her condition much.

Naturally, Luke blamed himself. He'd been the one who'd asked her to stay with him - sit with him, heedless of the heavy rain that poured down upon them. It had seemed so right and he had been so comfortable in her presence that he'd lost track of the time. In their shared meditation, hours passed by him in seconds and night had long fallen by the time they'd emerged.

And then she had collapsed in his arms outside her ship. It had been too late to wake Cilghil who had only just returned from Mon Calamari and retreated into a long resting trance. Since there was no one else close to a healer or medic on the moon, Luke had brought Mara back to his quarters, where he could keep an eye on her.

He'd been frantic as he'd lain her in his bed, concerned that her condition was something serious. His worry outstripped his embarrassment at removing her drenched clothes, though he had enough sense to respect her modesty by leaving her thin, sleeveless undershirt and shorts on. They were not as damp as the rest of her clothes, and Luke didn't want to risk her wrath if she awoke to find herself undressed fully. He didn't particularly think she'd react very favourably as it was. But Luke found that he would welcome any lashing from her, so long as she was lucid and healthy enough to do so.

A hurried inspection of her body revealed a small circle of bites around her left ankle, an indicator of Massassi bugs. How they'd gotten into her boots, he didn't know, but he was sure her trek through the jungle had been the cause. Usually, the bugs were harmless, but had been known to cause a fever in certain cases. It was most likely that Mara had suffered an allergic reaction to the bites. The stint in the rain had certainly not helped, and had more than likely aggravated the condition. It seemed that Mara's immune system was not as stubborn as her nature.

He'd spent the night awake, beside her, holding her hand and soothing her through fever-induced nightmares. He'd never suffered from the sickness himself, but a few of his students had, and told him of the horrible dreams they'd experienced under the effects. They'd spoken of the worst moments in their lives, replayed for them, twisted and horribly real. Luke shuddered to think what demons may be haunting Mara's fever-sleep. He knew that a Force trance was not going to help her any, in fact, it might prolong and sharpen the hallucinations.

It pained him greatly to hear her cry out, to toss fitfully, to fight him when he went to hold her, to comfort her. Eventually she'd quietened down, only letting out an occasional whimper or unintelligible murmur, and he'd finally taken her in his arms. It had felt so strange, to hold Mara in such a way - he'd certainly never allowed himself to be so close to her, but he felt circumstances warranted the act of comfort.

He'd lain next to her in the wide bed - on top of the covers, to be safe, his arms closed tight around her, sending restful thoughts to her through the Force.

Luke had called for Cilghil in the morning, who's confirmed his diagnosis of Massassi fever. It should clear up in a few days, she’d said, depending on Mara's strength and the amount of rest she received. Under no circumstances, was Mara to get out of bed, Cilghil had warned, or the symptoms would worsen. Luke readily agreed, but was concerned how he was actually going to implement the order once Mara awoke.

Cilghil had then inquired after his own health, and Luke had felt her hard scrutiny. He hadn't looked in the mirror for a while, but due to his lack of sleep and worry over Mara, he knew he probably was not looking at his peak. He'd quashed her concerns, effectively, he believed, with a promise to take better care of himself. As soon as Mara was healthy again, he'd added as a silent afterthought.

As Cilghil left, Luke asked for her silence in the matter, for Mara's sake, if not his own. Luke knew she would feel uncomfortable around the Jedi and students, if they knew that she'd been brought down by a small insect. And her visits to the temple were sporadic as it was, he didn't want to prolong her absences any further.

Luke then returned to Mara's bedside, smoothing out the sheets and blankets that had become tangled about her legs. He took her hand and willed her with all his strength to fight.

**************************

There was fire all around her. Scalding her skin, marking her, burning her with its unimaginable intensity. She walked for hours, but did not seem to advance anywhere. All she could see was the past - every kill she had made, played out for her in vivid colour and sound. She saw the look on her own face - cold, calculating. Merciless.

Her own, twisted soul, the eyes of her victims, their screams. And the fire - red like blood, yellow like the eyes of her Emperor. He heard his laugh, somewhere in the distance, and then inside her head.

He demanded her surrender, her pledge to the dark. It would save her, he promised. She would rise above pain, above death. He would give her freedom. His voice was taunting... and then seductive, urging her to surrender to the darkness.

Mara struggled against the void that threatened to envelop her; the black tar that clung to her body, tainting it, spreading across her skin uncontrollably.

She called out, but smoke filled her lungs, lining them with ash. She tried to breathe, but only succeeded in inhaling more of the thick dust. She wheezed in panic, falling to her knees, a position she swore she would never be in again.

Then - above her there was light - not very intense, or clear, but enough to penetrate her black surroundings. There were eyes, not looking down on her, but raising her up... a brilliant, vivid blue that she knew so well.

Luke?

***************************

"Luke?"

The feeble word fell out of Mara's mouth, and Luke clutched her hand tighter. He'd only left her side for a few minutes, to prepare some tea for when she awoke, when he'd heard her cry out from his bedroom, caught in another feverish nightmare. He was at her side again in an instant, and took her hand in one of his, as the other reached out to stroke her hair, willing her to calm down. She'd settled almost immediately, her panting, struggled breaths easing to a more normal pace, her frame relaxing back into the bed.

It was then that she'd spoken, a soft, almost questioning whisper of his name. Luke looked at her in shock, seeing her eyelids flutter, but remain closed. Was it possible she could sense his presence beside her? The thought heartened Luke's resolve. If she could sense him, then she must have some grip or perception beyond her fever.

"Mara," he probed gently into her psyche, careful not to push where she would not allow him to go. He could feel her though, rocking gently between sleep and awake, struggling to fight back to consciousness. Her eyes quivered again, but this time, opened to reveal slits of a dull green.

"Luke?" she called again, stronger this time. He tightened his hand around hers excitedly, but she flinched and her face twisted in pain. Realising he had squeezed too hard, Luke released his grip but did not let go. Mara opened her eyes a little more, and her dry lips parted as she rasped a troubled breath.

"Mara?" He studied her face intently as her eyes travelled around the room before they slowly came to rest on him. Strangely enough, she did not seem surprised by his presence, only by her surroundings.

Mara tried to speak, but a rough couch escaped her lips instead, and Luke rubbed her arm sympathetically. Mara closed her eyes, composing herself, her small hand reaching to cover her throbbing throat.

"Where am I?" she managed to whisper.

"In my quarters on Yavin," he answered, relieved that she at least could speak. She gave him an inquisitive look. "You collapsed last night," he added hurriedly. "From Massassi fever. It's not dangerous, so long as it's being treated." Luke attempted to give her a weak smile, and was not surprised when she did not return it. But then her gaze travelled down to where her hand was clutched in his, where their fingers were intertwined.

Suddenly embarrassed, Luke attempted to extract himself and pull away, sure that Mara was about to pull a hidden blaster on him. Not that she had any place to hide it, but the woman he knew was nothing if not resourceful. So it came as a great shock to him when Mara clasped his arm with a surprisingly strong grip, her eyes sallow and pleading. The action confused Luke greatly, knowing that in any other circumstance, Mara would have cut off his hand for daring to touch her when she was in such a state. But the woman who looked back at him was so different... she looked almost frightened.

"Don't leave me," she whispered almost inaudibly, and Luke felt something constrict inside of him. He reminded himself that Mara was still heavily under the effects of the virus, and not fully lucid or emotionally balanced. Luke remembered how she had called out in her sleep. How she must have felt so alone. Of all people, Luke knew what that felt like. Gently, he pried her fingers away from his forearm, careful to signify that it was not a rejection.

"Rest, Mara," he said softly, laying her arm down on the blankets and gently patting her hand. "I'll get you something to drink." Reluctantly, he left her side, hurrying to the kitchen to fetch the tea he had prepared earlier.

"From the bark of the Massassi trees," he explained as he returned, and helped her to sit up to an angle from which she could comfortably drink from. Mara wrinkled her nose slightly at the sight of the dark purplish drink and eyed him suspiciously. The familiar look made him smile as he placed a supportive hand at the small of her back. "It will bring down the fever," he encouraged her.

That seemed to satisfy her, but as she reached for the cup, her fingers shook and her body swayed, seemingly overcome from a bout of dizziness. Luke's hand moved from her back to her shoulder blade, helping Mara steady herself through the wave of vertigo. Gently, he brought the cup to her lips himself, relieved when they parted and allowed him to pour the liquid gently into her mouth. Mara tilted her head back slightly, closing her eyes as the soothing liquid flowed down her throat. Pleased at his progress, Luke continued until the she had drunk all of the tea, then helped her ease back into the bed.

"It’s hot," she murmured as her head fell back into the pillows.

Luke smiled, and pulled back some of the blankets he had covered her with. "You were shivering earlier." Uncovering her body, he drew his eyes away from the bare skin he'd exposed, willing himself not to notice exactly how thin her undershirt was. "Tell me when you get cold again."

Mara's dusty gaze settled on him. "Why are you doing this?"

Taken aback by the question, Luke stared at her for a few moments, unsure of how to answer. "Because... you're my friend," he said eventually, wincing inwardly at how trite that sounded. "You're not well, of course I'm going to take care of you," he finished uncertainly.

"There's a medcenter in the complex." Mara eyed him strangely.

The words caught Luke off guard. She was right, of course. Why exactly had he brought her back to his rooms? "Well... I hate medcenters," he countered in a voice which contained more confidence than he felt. It was the truth, he’d spent more than his fair share in medcentres which were cold, impersonal and not conducive to healing. “You wouldn’t want to be stuck there.”

“Better to be stuck here you mean,” Mara murmured as she closed her eyes again, and Luke took her hand. Minutes passed as he watched her chest rise and fall as she took in shallow breaths. It was strange, this side of Mara he was seeing.

Logically, he knew that it had been there, buried deep beneath the bitter, tough exterior. But it was an entirely different matter to see it emerge and experience it. To hear her voice without that sharp baiting wit, to feel the weight of her hand in his, knowing that she would not pull away. More than anything else, Luke felt privileged. And confused.

He'd always cared about her, that much was clear to him. But when she'd collapsed in his arms, when he'd felt the weight of her against him, lifeless and unmoving... he had been scared. Terrified that he would lose her, that she would become yet another loss that he had to bear. At this time of his life, Luke didn't think he could handle any more grief.

No, he realised - it wasn't just now. Luke knew there would never be a time in his life where he would be able to bear the loss of Mara Jade. And that thought alone confused the hell out of him.

Dragging himself out of his ruminations, Luke risked as glace at Mara, still lying peacefully on the bed. She appeared to have drifted off to sleep again, so it came as somewhat of a surprise to Luke when she spoke softly.

"I thought I was dying." Her eyes remained closed, but there was no mistaking her words. Luke didn't answer, but tightened his grip on her hand lightly. "I couldn't breathe - couldn't see anything." Mara's eyes opened, revealing something Luke had never seen within them. Tears. "It was so dark." Her lip trembled and she looked away, towards the wall. "And all I could think was that I deserved it."

Luke shifted further up the bed, closer to her. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing". Mara took a ragged breath, and her eyes fluttered tentatively. Luke noticed her ashen face become a little paler. "It's so hot in here," she murmured, her breath quickening. Deftly, Luke reached to the side table by the bed and retrieved a bowl of cool water and a cloth. Carefully, he pressed the dampened material to her face and neck, alarmed at how heated it had become.

"It's alright, Mara," he soothed her, trying to remind her of his presence. Gradually, her breathing stabilised as her eyes focused on his. Keeping her gaze, Luke continued to whisper comfort to her as he continued to run the damp cloth over her skin, pleased when it began to cool down. Eventually, Mara lay still again, her dull eyes still locking on his like a lifeline.

"I was scared Luke," she said, so softly Luke strained to hear her. "That it was because of everything I'd done." She swallowed heavily but to her credit, her gaze did not waver. "All the people I've killed... I saw them. And he was there..." Luke didn't have to ask who she was talking about. "He... told me to give in to it... to let the darkness take me... and I wanted to..." Her pained eyes broke away from his, and Luke reached up to cup her cheek.

"But you didn't Mara," he told her, resolute. "You were strong and you fought it." His fingers gently caressed her jaw, and he smiled at her, urging her gaze back to his. "You're not that person anymore."

"How can you be so sure?" Her eyes were filled with such uncertainty, Luke was struck by how vulnerable she seemed, how much she craved his reassurance.

"Because despite what you may think, I do know you." He moved to take her hand as he noticed her eyelids beginning to become weighed down. "Now rest."

"Will you stay with me?" she asked, her words drifting into the air as she began to fall back into unconsciousness.

Softly, Luke smiled, and moved closer to her. "Of course, Mara." He shifted his body until he was laying beside her, their hands still gripped securely together. "I'll be here for you."

**************************

Three days after her initial infection, the fever had finally worn down, and Mara awoke to full lucidity and coherence. Unfortunately, her anger at him also returned. The moment she had awoken, her eyes were vibrant and full of malicious intent. In horror, she regarded his close position to her on the bed, and their joined hands. She immediately snatched her appendage away, glaring at him.

"What's going on, Skywalker?" she demanded.

"Mara, you've been sick, I'm taking care of you.” He pulled away from her and withdrew to a safe distance. “Don't you remember?" he asked, already exasperated.

"No."

Luke wondered if she was telling the truth or if she was simply embarrassed at how much she had opened up to him. It must have hurt her pride to know he'd seen her in such a vulnerable position. The look in Mara's eyes betrayed more of a discomfit and awkwardness than a genuine lack of understanding.

She glanced down at the undershirt and shorts she was wearing, quickly covered her body with the blankets and eyed him angrily. "Did you have fun taking off my clothes?" In anyone else, it might have been a playful taunt, but in Mara it was a severe accusation.

Luke sighed, knowing that the only thing he could rely on was damage control. "I kept my eyes closed the whole time."

"Sure." She attempted to stand, wrapping the blanket around to cover herself, but Luke was back beside the bed in an instant, holding her gently but firmly by the shoulders.

"No, Mara," he insisted. "There's too much danger of a relapse."

She struggled against him regardless. "Don't be ridiculous, Skywalker. I feel fine." She shrugged off his grip and he reluctantly let go of her. Awkwardly protecting her dignity with the sheets and blankets, Mara attempted to walk from the bed, only to sway dangerously and begin to fall. He was there to catch her, but she ruthlessly batted his hands away and fell back into the bed, unfortunately into the midst of a coughing fit.

The ugly, rasping sound filled the room as her chest shuddered with the intensity of it. Luke ignored her previous rejection and moved close. He placed one hand to her back the other to her sternum, supporting her slight frame through the exertion. He was intensely relieved when the coughing subsided, and tried to draw her into a comforting embrace, but a single glare stopped him.

Glowering, Mara cleared her throat. "So... " she managed to rasp. "How long am I going to be interned here?"

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Luke stepped back and took a seat in the chair beside the bed. "You aren't a prisoner of war, Mara," he said tiredly. He saw her open her mouth to dispute the fact, but he quickly cut her off. "Massassi fever is no common galactic cold. You have to rest until the virus is completely free from your system, or it will come back again - and worse."

She was silent for a few moments as his words sunk in. "Massassi fever?"

"It's quite interesting, really," Luke said, handing her another cup of tea that was waiting beside the bed. "The bugs that live in the Massassi trees cause the disease, and the bark itself helps to counteract the effects."

Mara reluctantly drank the tea, pondering his words. "But so many things are like that, aren't they," she said finally, as she looked away. "The power to give life... the power to take it away." Her eyes captured that look again - that mixture of grief and regret that Luke had come to recognise.

"I suppose." Luke hoped she would continue, to expand on what she had told him, but when Mara looked back, the scowl had returned.

"So, how long?"

"A few more days," he admitted reluctantly. "Maybe a week."

"A week?" Her tone was indignant. "I know most women would boast about spending a solid week in your bed, Skywalker, but I tell you now, one of us isn't going to survive it."

"Well if you leave the odds are against you, Mara," Luke felt his irritation rise. "And they're stacked pretty heavily." A mischievous and quite enjoyable thought came to him. "It's pretty much me... or death." He looked at her sternly, hiding the small gratification the words gave him. It was not every day he was able to back Mara Jade into a corner. "Death or me."

She sat in silence for several minutes, her face betraying nothing. "Well?" he prompted eventually.

"I'm thinking!"

Luke shook his head wearily and left the room, wondering if all the progress he'd made with her the past few days had been in vain. He'd finally thought he'd broken through to her, only to be yanked roughly back to the outer fringes of her tolerance.

But, he supposed, that's how it was with him and Mara. One step forward, three steps back.

 

I was melting like snow in July over Luke's tenderness and Mara's vulnerability. Then when she became lucid again, ow! I was hoping, as I am sure Luke was, that she would be snarky but sorta remember the fever-haze stuff, maybe not in detail, but the emotive part. I.e., the sweet sapphire eyes and fortitude from him that kept her anchored in light. "One step forward, three steps back" - succinct but accurate LOL

 

Ha!

I'm feeling a little under the weather. Perhaps I can spend a week in Luke's bed. Nice update!

 

That's the JL we all know and love.

 

Well if you leave the odds are against you, Mara," Luke felt his irritation rise. "And they're stacked pretty heavily." A mischievous and quite enjoyable thought came to him. "It's pretty much me... or death." He looked at her sternly, hiding the small gratification the words gave him. It was not every day he was able to back Mara Jade into a corner. "Death or me."

She sat in silence for several minutes, her face betraying nothing. "Well?" he prompted eventually.

"I'm thinking

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this chapter! But that exchange is SOOOO Luke and Mara!

 

I read this one before, but I'm catching up with it again.

 

Yes, the 'I'm thinking' line is just so precious.

 

Thanks, all! I can't take credit for the "I'm thinking" exchange, but it seemed to fit so well I couldn't resist using it

________


Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY


"Mara, what are you doing?" The sluggish, coarse voice of her husband cut through the darkness.

Mara looked up briefly from the floor to find him peering at her from his sprawled position on the bed. She returned her attention to the shirt in her hand, before discarding it back onto the floor. She picked up another from the scattered pile of clothes - hers this time.

"Trying to keep warm," she answered, pulling the shirt over her head and smoothing it down over her body.

He grinned foolishly at her. "I thought that was my job?"

A wave of playfulness crossed Mara, and she folded her arms in defiance. "Well, you're being lax."

"Come here."

Smiling, Mara moved back into his embrace, pillowing her head on his bare chest. She moved an arm to rest on his hip and held him tightly. "Luke?"

"Hmmm?" His eyes had drifted closed and he began to breathe evenly.

"I've been thinking."

"Hmmm? Me too," he murmured, automatically.

"Luke?" She slapped his chest lightly, jolting him back into awareness.

"What?" With a wince, he inclined his head slightly towards her.

Mara sat up slightly, resting her hand on his chest as she swivelled to face him. "Not tired, are you?" she asked mischievously.

"I'm sorry, my love, you appear to have... rather exhausted me". His eyes fluttered closed again.

"Luke!" She slapped him again, lightly this time.

"I'm not that young anymore, Mara," he reminded her, a grin forming on his lips.

Mara shifted up the bed slightly, bringing her face close to his. "Well, I've always believed that youth and age have very little to do with one another." She placed a light kiss to his mouth.

"Hmmm," he muttered again, returning her kiss. Perhaps he was not as tired as he claimed, Mara thought wickedly, doubling her efforts.

"In fact," she murmured, between kisses, "Leia was telling me just the other day that Han... "

"Mara!" Luke pulled abruptly away from her, wide-eyed in horror. "There are certain things I'd prefer us not to talk about... especially when... " he gestured his hand between them.

"Especially when what?" Mara grinned, and leant in close to him again, her hand travelling sinuously down his chest. "Luke?" She kissed him soundly. "Especially when what?"

"When... Oh, never mind."


It was some time later when Mara finally allowed herself a sated sigh, and for her eyes to begin to drift closed.

"What were you thinking?" Luke's deep voice came from behind her.

"I'm sorry?" She turned a little on her side to face him.

"Before - you said you'd been thinking." He grinned inanely at her. "Or was it just a ploy to get my attention and ravish me?"

Mara gave him a derivative laugh. "You are attributing me with ravishment?"

"I most certainly am," he grinned.

"Well shut up, or it'll never happen again."

He lapsed obediently into silence, but she felt a loving, playful caress through the Force. The minutes drifted by in silent companionship as his breathing evened and peace settled upon them. Mara waited until she could feel he was beginning to drift off again before speaking.

"I was thinking about us," she said softly. Luke remained silent, but she could feel his grip around her tighten slightly, and his unspoken urge to continue. "Ben was... very difficult when you were away." Mara was careful to keep her voice neutral.

"I guessed as much," Luke admitted with a grimace. "He was rather emotional when I saw him earlier."

"He misses you, Luke," Mara turned in his arms, moving around to face him. "We miss you." Her hand reached up to caress his cheek, tracing a soft pattern over his marked skin.

"I'm not gone that often," Luke defended himself, but his words were without substance, without the will to convince her.

Mara eyed him penetratingly. "It's enough, Luke" Her hand dropped back onto the sheets, and he quickly covered it with his palm. "Ben doesn't understand how much responsibility falls to you, how much you seem to be needed out there. He thinks that he's second best."

Luke closed his eyes, contemplating. Mara disliked being harsh with him, but it was the only way to get through to him sometimes. Those lofty ideals, while admirable, made a rather tough shell to penetrate.

"Kyp asked me when I was planning to take on a new apprentice," Luke said finally.

Mara stiffened slightly, turning her head towards the wall, away from him. "What did you say?"

"That I wasn't sure," he replied evenly. "Were you considering - "

"No," she cut him off harshly, retreating from his embrace.

Luke was visibly shocked by the dismissive, final nature of her tone. "You never even thought about it?"

"I do have a child to raise, Luke."

"We," he reminded her. "We have a child to raise." His arm reached over her again, but she repelled him through the Force.

"Sometimes I wonder," Mara replied, almost inaudibly.

"What do you mean by that?" Luke raised himself up to an elbow, so that he could peer down at her. Mara's face was shadowed, her cheeks adorned by the moonlight that left her eyes shaded. He was careful to keep his voice neutral. They'd only just recovered from their last argument.

Mara sighed, and moved further down the bed. She sat up, and crossed her legs, eyeing him squarely. But there was no malice or anger in her face. But there was a strange longing, a sadness that he could discern in her expression. Carefully, he sat up to face her, and was pleased when she reached for his hand.

"You know that I've never been good at this, Luke," she began, her slim fingers caressing the skin of his palm. "Do you realise we've been married for over ten years?" Mara smiled indulgently. "And known each other ten years before that?" she added, shaking her head, almost in disbelief. "It should seem like a lifetime, but it doesn't." Her smile lessened slightly, a wave of melancholy crossing her face. "It still feels like we haven't had enough time to enjoy each other."

"I know what you mean." Luke felt as if the last twenty years of his life had gone past him in a flash, slipped through his fingers as easily as sand.

"There's always been war, or politics or some other crisis keeping us apart," Mara continued. "Or... our own stubbornness," she added as an afterthought.

Luke grinned at this. "Yours moreso than mine I think, Mara," he teased.

He received a glare and Luke forced a neutral expression onto his face. Mara had never been comfortable exposing herself like this, even to him. For her to be so serious was a clear sign that what she wanted to say was important. He urged her to continue.

"We finally have a time for ourselves, Luke." Mara continued heedlessly. "The time I'd always taken for granted before."

"Mara," Luke started to reach out for her, but she stopped him.

"Please, Luke," her eyes pleaded with him. "I have to say this." He nodded to her, giving her a small smile, squeezing her hand gently in reassurance.

"I realised the reason why I was so upset about Callista. It wasn't her - or you." She looked at him deeply. "It was me - it was the danger of losing you, even the slightest threat of it. Because I do need you." She gave him a weak smile. "I know I've never admitted to it before, but I'm saying it now - I need this family. You and Ben."

Luke felt overcome by the emotion of her words, and what it must have cost her pride to admit it to him. Even after all these years, those simple words brought such fulfilment to his heart. Oh, he'd always known she'd felt that way, but to hear her say the words was indescribable. Impulsively, he brought her hand to his lips, and placed a tender kiss to her fingers. He continued to clasp her hand in both of his.

"You know that I'll always put this family first," he told her, his voice a gentle caress. "That the two of you are more important to me than anything." He saw her nod, and shift a bit closer to him, their knees almost touching. "I gave up responsibility on Ithor... And I think it's finally time to prove it."

Mara placed the warm skin of her free hand to his knee. "I'm not asking you to give up the Jedi. You couldn't, even if you wanted to."

"I know," Luke nodded. "But you need me to be a husband and father first."

Giving him a tentative smile, Mara's eyes met his tenderly. "I mean, look at us, Luke. We're a generation of orphans." She took a deep breath. "We grew up without guidance, without protection. We lived through war and sadness, and we did it alone. I want to give more to Ben. I want to try."

Luke took hold of Mara firmly, and drew her into a tight embrace. She allowed him to do so, her hands breaking free and twining around his neck, through his cropped hair.

"I do too," he whispered into the soft skin of her neck, overcome with sheer love for the woman in his arms, for the child who lay asleep on the other side of the apartment. Gently, he relaxed his muscles and moved gently back to lay on the bed, bringing Mara with him. Her hand darted out to clutch the nearby blankets and pull the coverings over the both of them.

They lay in silence for several minutes, as Luke gently stroked his wife's long red tresses absently. "Where would you like to go?" he asked finally, into the darkness.

"What?" She shifted slightly against him, confused.

"I've told you that this was never really a home for me. For either of us." He moved his thumb gently over her cheek in a soft caress. "We should find one."

"You'd leave Coruscant?" She asked, rested her head back onto his shoulder. "Leave the Jedi Temple?"

"You see, Jade, there's this ingenious invention called intergalactic space travel," he teased her. "It allows you to navigate between systems in short amounts of time". He was rewarded with a playful swat. Subduing his smile, Luke's tone became serious. "I wouldn't mind any planet in the galaxy, so long as you and Ben were with me."

"Well..." Mara closed her eyes and settled herself, her Force presence mingling with his gently and a contentedness washed over her. "I rather liked Ossus... "

***************************

It was there again. A tingling in the back of Ben's head, a slight varying of his perception. It had always been there, really. His father called it the Force. Ben didn't really understand how it worked, only that most of the time, it felt good. Colours became brighter to him, sounds clearer. Every sense became more acute, more real. He had learnt that if he concentrated, he could hear people walking in the hallway outside their apartment, or the speeders shoot by in the night, or his parents talking quietly in their room. Mostly, he blocked out their voices, respecting their privacy. It was a skill he could probably have taken advantage of, but Ben believed his mother would become very angry with him if she found out he was listening to their conversations. Ben understood. He liked to be left alone sometimes, too.

He had enjoyed exploring these new sensations, and they had mostly been good experiences. But Ben found that the more he focused, the harder he tried to open himself up like that, the more bad emotions he was beginning to feel. It was always sudden. One moment he would be watching a bug crawl across the floor, listening to the quiet tapping of its legs against the ground, when he would hear a scream, or see someone fall, or feel that someone, somewhere near, was crying.

It hurt so much, and he couldn't make it stop. Ben tried to concentrate only on the good things, but he could not filter out the painful things. He knew about the war, about how many people had died and suffered. It had been so distant to him, though. History.

He couldn't help but feel it now. And he didn't understand, why the Force was so bad to him when it could make him feel so happy. Why he couldn't just ignore the pain - and feel only the colours and lights that filled him with such peace.

That is the way of the Force, Ben. And life.

Ben almost jumped out of bed at the sound. He threw the covers off and slammed the light on, illuminating his small room. It was empty. But he had heard something, a voice... No, Ben told himself. There was nobody there.

Trust yourself.

A part of Ben told him to call out for his parents, to run to them where he would be safe. But the strange thing was... he wasn't scared. The voice was there, now, he had heard it clearly. He could feel it as well. His body felt warm and protected, like when his father would envelop him into a firm hug. The part deep inside of him he had learnt to trust told him that there was nothing to fear.

"Hello?" he called out into the room softly.

It wasn't quite a figure that appeared before his eyes. But in Ben's vision, the space before him seemed to... shift slightly. He couldn't make out anything in particular, except - eyes, perhaps. Bright, familiar eyes. Blue like his own, like his father’s. And dark robes, he could see them now, though faintly. And a smile - a gentle, peaceful gaze on his face.

"You're him, aren't you?" He asked in wonder. Ben didn't just guess at who his visitor was - somehow, he just knew. "My... grandfather," Ben's lips closed around the unfamiliar word. "Your eyes are just like Dad's. Like mine".

The figure's smile widened as he nodded.

"Dad told me about you," he added when the figure didn't answer.

Finally, the image shifted, and reappeared next to Ben on the bed, much clearer now, a blue shimmering halo around him.

"What did he say?" His deep voice filled Ben's heart, rather than his ears.

Ben furrowed his brow. It was difficult to reconcile the image before him to the many stories his father had told.

"He said... that you were once a great Jedi Knight. And that... you did bad things," Ben spoke up finally. "That you hurt a lot of people."

The apparition nodded sadly. "All of that's true".

Biting his lip in concentration, Ben continued. "But he said that you were good in the end. That some part of you was always good. That you... saved him."

A wistful smile crossed the figure's face. "He saved me."

"So it is you," Ben declared. "What..." he faltered slightly, ashamed of his ignorance. "What should I call you?"

The figure’s features seemed to shift, becoming not quite sad, but regretful. "I'm sorry, Ben, that I robbed you of the chance to know your grandparents. I know what it was like to grow up like that, and I never wished it for you." He appeared to sigh, and to Ben it felt like the whole room was inverting towards him, breathing with him. "You may call me Anakin."

"Did you hear them earlier, Anakin?" Ben scowled, the sadness suddenly overcoming his curiosity.

"Your parents?" Anakin raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I did."

"Dad said they were just talking, but I don't believe him," Ben thrust out his bottom lip, pouting. "I felt it... they were so angry."

"Just be glad you didn't feel what they've been doing for the past few hours," Anakin smirked as he patted Ben playfully on the shoulder, giving him a wink.

Ben looked at him quizzically, but put the comment down to just another thing the adults wouldn't tell him about. Or promise to explain when he was older.

"Everyone treats me like such a kid," he whined. He expected Anakin to laugh and pat him on the shoulder again, or make a patronising comment about how he was a kid. Or to tell him knowingly that he didn't want to grow up too soon.

But Anakin seemed to muse on the complaint. "I was like that," he said finally. "I used to tell everyone that someday I would visit every star in the sky. No one took me seriously, of course." He smiled wistfully. "But I never forgot about it."

"I bet you visited heaps, though, didn't you Anakin?" Ben bounced up excitedly on the bed, his earlier emotions forgotten. "I wanna fly an X-wing like Dad," he informed him. "He said that it's so fun when all the stars are going past."

Anakin laughed warmly. "It is. As long as you're not flying away from something."

Ben felt his scrutinising gaze, but it didn't make him feel uncomfortable. It was warm - accepting. He hadn't felt like that in a while. Ben cast his eyes downward, his voice becoming soft.

"Dad's always flying away. And Mom - she gets upset and wants me to go away. She says I wouldn't understand."

"That is the way your mother is," Anakin explained gently. "I remember -" But he cut himself off and lapsed into silence.

"What?" Ben moaned, irritated. That happened to him a lot. Someone would begin to say something about his mother, but stop themselves at the last minute. Aunty Leia did it to him all the time. What weren't they telling him?

A grimace formed on Anakin's face. "That's not something you should hear from me." Ben wasn't ready to accept that, but Anakin quickly moved on. "I know it's hard, Ben. When I was growing up, I could feel it if someone was hurt, or sick. Or even the slightest bit upset." He sighed deeply. "I was never able to forget it - how it felt. But maybe you'll be able to benefit from my mistakes," he added, almost to himself.

Ben didn't quite know what to say - there was so much he didn't understand, so much he hadn't been told. But underneath the bewilderment and curiosity, there was a streak of exhilarating excitement. He was actually talking to his grandfather, the hero who he had heard so much of, who he had always wondered about and secretly admired. It was someone who didn't shy away from his questions, didn't dismiss him as too young to understand or felt the need to whisper around him. Who he could talk to...who would listen.

"So are you the Force now?" Ben asked, gazing up at his transparent image of his grandfather. "That's what Dad said."

"In a way," Anakin nodded acutely. "I am a part of it, a part of everything, now."

Ben lowered his head. "I don't understand it," he said, reluctantly. "The Force."

"I know Ben," Anakin reached out a ghostly hand and placed it on his shoulder. Ben immediately felt his skin warm and glow. "That's why I'm here."

"Dad doesn't know," Ben looked up again. "I tried to tell him but he doesn't get it. He doesn't hurt like I do."

"Your father has forgotten how strongly the Force manifests itself in the young," Anakin answered. "You are receptive fully of the Force in a way you never will be again. You must learn to control it."

"What if I can't?" Ben felt the oppressive weight in his heart again - the fear that the darkness, the pain, would overwhelm him and smother the light.

"I'll help you," Anakin said resolutely. His spectral hand drifted down from Ben's shoulder to tightly grasp his small hands. "There are dark times coming for the Jedi, Ben. You can't allow yourself to be caught up in it." Anakin's eyes darkened slightly. "There is so much I've learnt about the Force, Ben. So much I could teach you." He looked up, to a point behind Ben's shoulder - almost as if he was listening to something. Ben strained his ears. Perhaps he was imagining it... but he almost could hear voices. They were too soft for him to make out, whispers in the dead air. But Anakin seemed to hear them clearly.

"I never learnt restraint in my life," Anakin refocused his attention back on Ben. "But we must teach it to you." He grimaced slightly. "Even if it means distancing yourself from the Force."

Ben wriggled eagerly. "From the pain you mean, Anakin?"

"From all of it," he replied sorrowfully. "The good as well as the bad." Anakin took Ben by the shoulders gently. "It may feel empty, but we believe that it is for the best. If you trust me?"

Ben stared into the twin eyes of his grandfather. The man who had helped wipe out the Jedi so long before he was born. Who had saved his father, and turned back to the light. Who he had been told was strong, and without fear. Who could see inside of him in a way even his mother and father could not. Could, perhaps, understand the darkness he was feeling.

"I trust you, Anakin," he answered resolutely.

"I couldn't be there for your father, Ben," Anakin looked deeply back into his eyes. "But I will be there for you."

 

I adored the beginning part with Luke and Mara and their senuous playing and loving banter. Understood the serious part and liked that Luke offered to find them a home. The part with Ben seeing Anakin's ghost that was a surprise but very well written. Children almost never feel like they are understood by their parents.

 

Loved Luke and Mara's chat; her admitting that she needs Luke and Ben, their little family. Anakin showing up to speak to Ben was very well done.

 

Your L/M scene ran the gaumut between so many things, so many real, wonderful them-things. Mara's emotional openness is touching and lovable and Luke's gentle stance with her is also. He knows better than to crowd her at all and she'll tell him what she wants to. But bone deep, they can't live with walls and barriers up for too long. When they get along, it's way more fun.

 

Totally behind, but I loved the flashback chapter! Those silly kids... I love when we already know the outcome and yet STILL get frustrated by them! Great job!

Now, this chapter. My my my, I loved it, too. It was great seeing them not fight again, even though their conversation was, at times, emotionally intense. Perfect straddling of the line.

I smell a deleted scene or two here, my dear.

Red flag! Red flag! I don't like the sound of this.

 

Thank you! Little Ben is so in awe of his parents that it's good for him to talk to someone who understands, and force ghost Anakin seemed like a good choice.

Thanks! Admitting needing someone is probably the hardest thing for Mara to do, but necessary in this instance.

Thank you - very true! Luke and Mara know each other so well they can't stay mad at each other for too long

Thanks! That was my intent, since they'd already had their blowout, there was still things they needed to discuss, but much more rationally. Glad it came across

You know I checked, but I'd never written a bonus chapter for this fic - it was back in the days when I was young and innocent I should probably add one.

Ah, well, I wrote this before the mess of Dark Nest, LOTF and FOTJ, so at the time this was meant to be hopeful for Ben to sort out his Force issues. Maybe not so much in hindsight My headcanon now is that because of these events Ben isn't so susceptible to Jacen's manipulations later, and in fact figures out that's he's falling to the dark side pretty quickly, confides in his parents because he has a much better relationship with them, preventing Mara's death and turning Jacen back to the light. Everybody lives!

 

My headcanon now is that because of these events Ben isn't so susceptible to Jacen's manipulations later, and in fact figures out that's he's falling to the dark side pretty quickly, confides in his parents because he has a much better relationship with them, preventing Mara's death and turning Jacen back to the light. Everybody lives!



That's mine too. Drama and intensity and choices still occur but there's no widescale devastating travesty/tragedy where all the hard work of the previous decades seems/becomes futile.

 

If only, Nyota's Heart!


A/N: There's been no update this week, because I've actually decided to include an additional flashback chapter, but that is yet to be written.

However, for those who are interested, I have posted "adult" versions of Chapters 10 and 12 on A03 (archive of our own) - if anyone requires the direct links, please PM me.

 

I loved the additions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I left comments for you on the other site. Perfect!!!!!!

 

I love the conversation between L/M. Everything was written to perfection!

 

The extra chapters were great! Can't wait to read more.

 

Great story! And some superb cameos too. Am curious as to when this gets another update. Would love to know when you do.

EG

 

Wow! -- I just found the 'extra' chapters over at A03 -- very very nice additions. When your muse strikes - I do hope you continue this and find L/M their new home and have Ben share about his conversation with Anakin.

 

Still loving this. I really liked the part where Mara was tormented by the guilt of her memories, a suppression that came back to haunt her when she was weakened by the fever -- and she called out for Luke.

So sweet!

 

Just adding my "me, too!" to the list of well deserved praise. I'm loving the story!