Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by VaderLVR64, Feb 21, 2006.
Beautiful story. The Mandalorian spirit is amazing.
Perfect!! Just perfect. Such a heartwarming ending, K. I can't wait for the epilogue.
We are going to see an epilogue, aren't we, oh Vader'riduur?
Someone's got a lot of room to talk...*cough*QM*cough* =P
But, yes, and epilogue?
Very funny, evaar'la dala.
VadersMistress Stubborn and smart-mouthed?
correllian_ale NOW it's over.
TnTornado Well, just a taste of that in the epilogue.
Quiet_Mandalorian I don't have my Mando guide in front of me. Thank you...I think.
Corran_Fett Hope you liked it!
JadeSolo Well, you know me.
NightsWalker I still need to read Bloodlines.
PRINCESSCAMBRIA I've tried.
Ulic_Starwalker A fascinating culture, to be sure.
Gina It only took 3 1/2 months.
Roain_Xantos Ha ha, you got in trouble!
[i]Three years later?[/i]
?You seem to be spending a lot of time with Rinya,? his mother said as he grabbed something to eat for his morning meal.
?We?re just friends,? Pendar mumbled around his food, his expression indignant.
Kyri laughed and kissed his cheek, which made him pull away and straighten up to his full height, which was taller than his mother by now. ?Mom?.? He protested and wiped away the kiss with his free hand. His cheeks glowed with a suspicious fire, but he merely swallowed his food and walked out the door.
Then he popped his head back in and grinned. ?Just friends, Mom,? he repeated. ?Remember that. No boy/girl stuff.? He sounded disgruntled and faintly disgusted.
?Whatever you say,? Kyri assured him, though her grin betrayed the fact that she thought differently.
Pendar rolled his eyes and shook his head. ?Women?? he muttered in the exact tone he had heard his father use on more than one occasion.
Her laughter followed him out the door.
[i]Four years later?[/i]
?Your father?s hurt,? Kyri said, brushing back Pendar?s dark hair. ?But he?ll be all right.?
?Are you sure?? Pendar asked, his anxiety clear. He was sitting at his father?s bedside, waiting for Ghee to regain consciousness. Kyri forced her own fears away, suddenly aware of Pendar?s long buried anxieties. Having lost one family, the boy was fearful that he was about to lose another. She could understand his feelings, having lost one son; she was sometimes terrified at the thought of losing Pendar.
?I?m sure,? she said softly. ?Besides, you know you?ve always got me.? Pendar nodded and turned his gaze back to Ghee.
?I know,? he replied. ?But?? Suddenly, he was a young child again, newly orphaned and in need of reassurance.
Kyri hugged her son to her and waited until some of the tension left his body. ?It?s going to be fine, Pendar. You?ll see,? she said in her most confident voice. ?He just needs to rest and then he?ll be well enough to complain about being bored.?
Pendar choked on a laugh that threatened to turn into a sob. He manfully tamped it down, though his eyes watered with the effort. ?He?ll complain so much that you?ll want to kill him,? he predicted.
?Probably,? Kyri answered dryly. ?But I won?t.?
?Because you love him,? Pendar added.
?Because I love you both,? Kyri corrected.
[i]Five years later?[/i]
?Nervous?? Uldaas?s voice was almost part of the wind, so softly had he spoken.
Pendar looked up as he fastened a piece of his armor and shrugged. ?A little,? he allowed.
?Me, too,? his friend replied as he tightened a fastening on his boot. ?I feel like I want to throw up.?
Laughing, Pendar nodded. ?I know how you feel,? he admitted. Then his expression grew more solemn. ?Father says that it?s natural to be nervous before you go into battle- especially the first time.?
Uldaas nodded solemnly. ?Mine said that, too.?
?Maybe we should trust that they know what they?re talking about,? Pendar suggested dryly. He gave his friend a nudge with his elbow.
?Ah, they?re old,? Uldaas teased. ?They?ve forgotten what it?s like that first time.?
?I most certainly have not,? Ghee protested as he came up behind the boys. He put his arm around Pendar and the two of them stared at each other for a moment. ?Are you ready??
Pendar nodded. ?I?m rea>
Now it's over.
As he got to his feet, Pendar motioned to one of his comrades to move his father?s body. They would take their dead home and give them the farewell they deserved. Those who had loved Ghee so much would stand up beside him one last time ? Kyri, Pendar, Rinya, young Ghee, and the new baby girl, Palana.
He watched them pick up Ghee?s body and place it carefully in a transport bag. ?Thank you, Father,? he said softly and then turned and went about finishing the business of the battle.
It was the Mando way.
The epilogue was truly touching MamaV!
(now maybe I can stop interacting with my feminine side )
Very, very good. Loved the last part of the epilogue...
Baby Pendar's all grown up. Now we can't "awwwww" over him.
Ghee had walked into his life on one battlefield, and now he left it on another.
Loved that line. It was the perfect way to describe their life together. Well done!
On the prowl over here for the first time in ages and this story caught my eye. I remember you saying a while ago that you were researching the Mandalorian culture, so I'm curious to see what evolved from your research. I've read the first two posts and am enjoying the interaction between Ghee and Pendar.
?That is good, a man should be proud of who he is and what he has accomplished.?
That bit of dialogue sounded so much like dear old Temuera Morrison (Jango in AotC)! I could almost hear his distinctive inflections.
The boy IS plucky, and I can feel Ghee's appreciation in the way he can't wait for his wife/partner??? to meet the little tyke.
Will read more later.
Ah - the cycle of life. Beautiful. Huge journey through the emotions in this story. The strong sense of family and bonds between friends came through well. I especially liked the way you showed the point of view of the women - and you created a really interesting set of characters. Really enjoyed this.
Well... I still haven't got that Word-doc you wanted to send me....
And I was too lazy reading it in this thread, but must do ASAP....
Thanks for your mail. I might even read it over the weekend, as soon as I updated my stuff.
I loved the beginning. Just like a kid to not want to get up unless there is food.
The exchange between Pendar and Kyri was beautiful. The way they each seem to pull back, then give a little, makes it very realistic to me.
Poor Pendar. Nightmares are never easy.
The little nuances you write for Kyri and Ghee's relationship are great. Very genuine.
"In time, he will come to see you as his mother, Kyri," Nikta reminded her. "But you must give him time to mourn the woman who gave him life."
Shaking her head, Kyri gave her friend a sideways glance. "Since when did you get so smart?"
"I was born that way, remember?"Nikta laughed. "Our mothers were best friends before us, and your mother always said how much smarter I was than you." Nikta shook her head in pretended sympathy. "How my mother mourned for yours, stuck with such a foolish daughter!"
Kyri gave her best friend a friendly punch on the shoulder.
Now, Kyri, remember to care for your armor before you care for yourself. The memory brought a smile to her face.
One day, she hoped that Pendar would wear the armor that her father had worn. It was lovingly stored away, waiting for the day when another member of the family could wear it. Her brother had worn it briefly, but had been killed in a skirmish before he could even marry and continue the family name. Her father's armor carried small sigils, each one marking a former owner of the armor. There was one for her father and his father before him, and one for her brother. Pendar, too, would make his mark on the armor, and customize it to suit him. Then she laughed at herself, for such an event was years away and there was still much to do to make a place in young Pendar's heart.
Such wonderful writing. The armor almost seems like a character unto itself.
Pendar was silent for a moment, his hands moving lightly over the armor. Without looking up, he whispered, "My mama smelled goo, like flowers."
Carefully, Kyri put her hand on Pendar's shoulder. "You will always remember that about her," she said. "And whenever you smell those flowers, you'll be able to picture her face."
Shaking his head, the boy kept his eyes locked on the armor. "I'm afraid I'm gonna forget what she looked like."
"I will help you remember,ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢?Â¬Ã¯Â¿Â½ Kyri said softly. "Tell me what she looked like and I will remember with you."
Their eyes locked, uncertainty in his, patience in hers. Then he closed his eyes. "She had long, dark hair,and it was curly." He smiled slightly. "It used to get frizzy when it rained and she would say mean things about it."
Kyri's hand closed over his and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"She had big, dark eyes with long lashes that my Papa said tickled when she kissed him," he continued. "And she was tall, taller than most of the women in the village." He frowned slightly. "Sometimes they weren't nice to her,said she was an outsider, that we were all outsiders" He opened his eyes and stared up at Kyri.
Lifting his chin, Kyri smiled. "You'll never be an outsider here, Pendar, I promise."
You certainly know how to tug at those heart strings.
Superb from beginning to end.
"That root can be made into a tea," Ghee explained, "that is good for fevers." He tapped the side of his head. "Remember that, in case you ever get stuck planet side without supplies." He grinned at the boy. "It happens every now and then, and you have to be able to take care of yourself, no matter what."
Almost creepy after the last chapter.
The father-son moments were fantastic. You've done a great job of exploring the Mandalorian culture, from the practical needs of survival to the core values of family.
Ghee smiled as he watched the boy's face. "I wanted you to see this," he said quietly. Pendar turned and met his gaze. "I wanted you to see your home."
"He's wrestling with his past right now, my love," Ghee an
Wow, sorry to take so long to get back to this, but I'm really glad I did!
Wonderful job writing about the Mandalorian culture (though I don't know much about it ) and I love the characters! Their interactions were perfect, especially the teasing and showing as Pendar, Ghee, and Kyri become a family. It's so sweet, even though the end is a little sad, but that is their way of life. Love the way you showed Pendar growing up too, going through the stages with girls.
Outstanding, K. But I expected nothing less from you. A beautiful and fitting ending to an utterly captivating story. Bravo, my dear!
Can't believe it. I've been procrastrinating to read this for at least half a year now, but now I finally got to it, and I can only said: sheesh, why haven't I checked this out before?!
It's a bittersweet (ori'aay'han, like QM put it, fits just perfectly!), incredibly well-written story that is nearly flawless and portrays the depths of the Mando culture just perfectly!
Very good OCs, some good character development and an epilogue that perfectly rounds the story. I can't point out any good things in particular, because it's all breathtaking; I loved it! It's not the usual kind of story you'd expect when it's about Mando'ade, and it's probably even better because of that - it shows part of their culture that, in case of my stories, is a bit surpressed by the usual fighting. It works definitely great as inspiration for me, too!
A tiny things that bugged me, nothing really big: time and again I thought that maybe young Pendar acted more like someone ten years older than him, especially some of his dialogue... things I wouldn't expect from a 7-year old, or not even from a ten-year old, since he is indeed quite mature for his age. But it's no biggie
I'm wandering if you have in mind to go further on with some of these OCs. Maybe you've seen the challenge over at All Helmet, No Head, that might give you some opportunity or inspirationn to expand on these OCs. I'd appreciate a PM on that matter, and I'd definitely find it cool if you joined in!
correllian_ale Was I mean to do that to you?
JadeSolo Seemed fitting for a Mando.
Tahi I fell in love with these characters while writing this story!
Corran_Fett Actually, I have to say I think Pendar was a pretty normal kid, obviously bright and precocious but not a mutant or anything. And having had four kids of my own and a nephew who is seven right now, I don't think Pendar is terribly out of character for his age. Kids grow up fast when tragedy strikes. I've done grief counseling with families who have lost an infant, I would see siblings of his age react pretty much like Pendar did. So hopefully, it wasn't that far off. Not in my experience anyway.
Bale No apologies necessary! I'm just glad you liked it.
Jedi_Tigris Poor Pendar! I sort of tortured him.
Gina Thank you for wandering over here for little ole me!
Good points, actually. But like I said, no biggy I just couldn't expect my 6-year-old brother to act like that, lol...
So, did you check the Mando thread...?
Aw, this is such a wonderful story.
So very sad sometimes and still so - right. *sniff*
I've been playing with the idea of doing a story with Pendar, and when I referred back to this story I realized I had not done ALL my author's replies. My apologies!
Corran_Fett I have and I liked it!
MsLanna Thank you!