Games [Choose Your Own Adventure] Kadu Bee Incoming

Before we know the winner we risk consistency problems.

 

Oh, I didn't get it. That's great. Then this round I will just vote without writing.

 

I believe that Yes, any new addition should make sense with respect to every fragment that has won previous rounds. @Darth Punk will correct me if I misunderstood.
So, the story so far is:

.....After three days of walking, the lone Padawan cautiously enters the forest......

The dreadful buzzing of the Kadu bees can be heard remotely from the deep green.
But you know that there is no time to wait. The acolytes of Sister Vihala can't be further than one hour away. Gasping, you try to find a path between the bushes.

 

Ups, apologies, the new page betrayed me.

@Drac39
@Alpha-Red
Join us !

 

Ra's Al Ghul: "Always mind your surroundings."

Lulz. Well written, Leona.

 

I'm curious about the sadistic Master who laughs at the Padawan being tormented by the Juru ants .
I enjoyed this fragment. We know a new detail about the protagonist's identity and also something about his personality. He can be ingenious but he's also hasty.

(Side note: in making my choice I will ignore the inconsistencies in time and third vs second person, since they can be easily fixed.)

 

Agreed, Leona's padawan feels like a padawan.

 

@Ava G.
Would you like to propose a fragment as well?

 

You weren't expecting the forest to be so dense. You can barely see three meters ahead, and the huge firs prevent you from telling the color of the sky.
You manage to proceed only very slowly for half an hour, until you finally see the tracks you were looking for.

 

0 votes

 

Don't give up! You'll have several other opportunities

 

You keep walking. At the very least, your more formal heavy robes are protecting your shins from the thorns in your way. Taking a closer look at the bramble, you see some berries and decide to pick them and take them with you as they look like a common treat from your home planet. You won’t eat them without confirmation of course, unless this walk takes too much longer...

(Not sure if this is open to anyone but was browsing the forums and this looks like a cool thread, aha)

 

I will next round. ^^

Alrighty, not bad.

You seem visually oriented this round. You can barely see ahead, you can't see the color of the sky, and later you see the tracks you were looking for.

Hey, BookExogorth!

It's a nicely-written paragraph. Your considerations are practical. There would be thorns, and your robes protect you. You might want a snack soon, and so you pick berries.

 

It's a nice fragment. However, I will punish it for saying "home planet" rather than just inventing the planet's name. It's HL for me.

 

If changes to the fragments to make them coherent are not allowed I will have to switch my vote to Exogorth, because of course we can't go back and forth with 2nd and 3rd person and also present and past times.

 

If it weren't allowed, she probably wouldn't be in the poll, silly.