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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Toronto Christmas Cheer(s) (and Jeers)

Discussion in 'Canada Discussion Boards' started by DARTH2-D2, Dec 9, 2007.

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  1. DARTH2-D2

    DARTH2-D2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    Hey everyone I know I havnt been around these parts much lately but I wanted to wish everyone a merry Christmas and I know this thread isnt really about Starwars but I thought I would share with you some fun Christmas stuff

    so here we go

    From Santa


    Hi, kids! Hope you all had a good weekend. I know we did up here at the
    North Pole, because the first weekend in December is traditionally time
    when we hold the Reindeer Games.

    Which, not entirely coincidentally, brings us to today's letter from
    Peter, from Chicago, who asks:

    Dear Santa:

    One of the saddest stories at Christmas is how Rudolph, the red-nosed
    reindeer, wasn't allowed to join in all the reindeer games. Rudolph
    became a hero, but we never actually found out what sort of games are
    reindeer games. What kinds of games are they?"

    Well, Peter, there are reindeer games, and then there are The Reindeer
    Games. It's the difference between playing softball in the park with
    your buddies, and participating in the Olympics. Anyone can play
    reindeer games any time they want (even if you're not really a
    reindeer). But it takes a special sort of deer to have the drive to be
    in the Reindeer Games.

    Again like the Olympics, there are a number of categories in the
    Reindeer Games, but here are some of the most popular:

    LONG JUMP: Since our reindeer can actually fly, you can imagine the
    distances we get on this one.

    100 COUNTRY DASH: Each year, our computers randomly generate a list of
    100 countries, and the reindeer see who can get to all of them first.
    This year's list of countries included Micronesia, Gabon, Luxembourg and
    Fort McMurdo in Antarctica (not technically a country, but thrown in for
    the challenge). I personally like this event, because the reindeer often
    come back with souvenirs for Santa!

    SLEIGH PULLS: This one, of course, makes good sense, since that's what
    the reindeer are actually going to be doing, come Christmas Eve. This is
    a team event, with 2-deer, 4-deer, and the standard 8-deer setup.

    SWIMSUIT COMPETITION: Ha! Santa's just pulling your leg with this one.
    However, we DO have:

    TALENT SHOW: Believe me, you haven't lived until you see an all-reindeer
    version of "King Lear." It just chokes me up every time.

    CHIMNEY SLALOM: One of the biggest problems we have on Christmas is
    zipping between all those brick chimneys out there. Each year, we set up
    a new, randomised course, and the deer flit through it. It's
    breathtaking. We also ruin a lot of perfectly good chimneys.

    FIGURE SKATING: Reindeer. Ice Skates. You wouldn't think that it'd work.
    But it does!

    LONG-DISTANCE PACKAGE DELIVERY: This is a mixed event, with reindeer and
    elves. The elf gets in a single-deer sleigh filled with toys, and the
    idea is to see how many toys they can hurl down a chimney from the
    highest possible altitude. This takes delicate co-ordination between the
    elf and the deer: the elf's got have dead-on aim, and the deer has to
    keep the sleigh high and steady. The highest compliment that you can get
    in this game is when you get a toy straight down the chimney without
    hitting the brick: "Nothing But Log."

    SANTA "COMPLIMENTING": The idea here is to make fun of Santa while
    making it sound like you're actually complimenting him. I don't know how
    this one got started.

    KARAOKE: The only problem here is that the only thing the reindeer want
    to sing is ABBA.

    Well, that's it for today. Remember to keep those letters and questions
    coming - I'll be answering a new question every day! My mail address is
    SantaClaus@northpole.com

    Hope to hear from you soon!
     
  2. DARTH2-D2

    DARTH2-D2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    All I Needed To Know About Life I Learned From Santa

    Encourage people to believe in you.
    1. Always remember who's naughty and who's nice.
    2. Don't pout.
    3. It's as much fun to give as it is to receive.
    4. Some days it's ok to feel a little chubby.
    5. Make your presents known.
    6. Always ask for a little bit more than what you really want.
    7. Bright red can make anyone look good.
    8. Wear a wide belt and no-one will notice how many pounds you've gained.
    9. If you only show up once a year, everyone will think you're very important.
    10. Whenever you're at a loss for words, say "HO, HO, HO!"
     
  3. DARTH2-D2

    DARTH2-D2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

    SCHIZOPHRENIA:
    Do you Hear What I Hear?

    MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
    We Three Queens Disoriented Are

    DEMENTIA:
    I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas

    NARCISSISTIC:
    Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

    MANIC:
    Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...

    PARANOID:
    Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.

    PERSONALITY DISORDER:
    You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you Why.

    DEPRESSION:
    Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

    OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER:
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
    ..... (better start again!)

    PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY:
    On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
    ... (and then took it all away).

    BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
    Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.
     
  4. DARTH2-D2

    DARTH2-D2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    phonetic note to santa

    deer sandta

    I bin a rilly good boi dis yeer, I wanna a big teddi bare and a electrik trane set. Ackion figers are a good bet allso. Plees say hi tu yer elfs for me. I will haf cookys an milk for u same as las time but mom says dont trak crums on da rug like las yeer. Dad says loos sum wayt, he had tu replace sum shingells in da spring cuss of da deer wrekin dem allso he says the chimnee needs replacein soon so maybee use da bak door, key is under da mat. Dont let da kat out an stay out of Dads beer.

    Luv Timmy

    P.S. Haf a merri crismas an a hapy new yeer

    P.S.S. Dont forget da teddi bare, iv bin good I sware but if ya bring cole, dad says we can use it in da stove
     
  5. DARTH2-D2

    DARTH2-D2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    Cats' Top Ten Favorite Christmas Songs

    10. Up on the Mousetop
    9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas
    8. Joy to the Curled
    7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
    6. The First Meow
    5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
    4. Silent Mice
    3. Fluffy, the Snowman
    2. Jingle Balls
    1. Wreck the Halls!

    Christmas Songs for Dogs


    1. Grandma Got Run Over by a Rottweiler
    2. We Three Canines
    3. Oh, Holy Fire Hydrant
    4. Duke, the Red Nosed Doberman
    5. Sniffing Around the Christmas Tree
    6. Jingle Bones
    7. Wreck the Halls!
    8. I Saw Mommy Licking Santa Claus
    9. Away in a Dog House
    10. All I Want For Xmas is My Own Chew Toy
     
  6. DARTH2-D2

    DARTH2-D2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    A Parents Night Before Christmas

    'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
    I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
    Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
    In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
    The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
    While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
    A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
    And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
    We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
    Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
    Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
    If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!
    When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
    But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
    With each part numbered and every slot named,
    So if we failed, only we could be blamed.
    More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
    All over the carpet they were scattered about.
    "Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
    Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
    Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
    "Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."
    And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
    That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
    To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
    With "assembly required" till morning's first light.
    We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
    Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
    The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
    Before we attached the last rod and last pin.
    Then laying the tools away in the chest,
    We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
    But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
    "This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
    Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
    And not have to run to the store for a thing!
    We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
    For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"
    Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
    Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
    I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!
     
  7. DARTH2-D2

    DARTH2-D2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    Kids' Interpretations of Christmas Carol Lyrics


    - Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly.

    - We three kings of porridge and tar.

    - On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me.

    - Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.

    - He's makin' a list, chicken and rice.

    - Noel. Noel, Barney's the king and is royal.

    - With the jelly toast proclaim.

    - Olive, the other reindeer.

    - Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say.

    - Sleep in heavenly peas.

    - In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown.

    - You'll go down in Listerine.

    - Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay.

    - O come, froggy faithful.

    - You'll tell Carol, "Be a skunk, I require."

    - Good tidings we bring to you and your kid.
     
  8. DARTH2-D2

    DARTH2-D2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    ok well what is a christmas thread here without something Stawars inspired

    the 12 Days of Starwars Christmas.

    12 jedi Mind tricks
    11 sithlords a leaping
    10 tie-fighters flying
    9 X-wings shooting
    8 Wookie Scouts
    7 Ewoks playing
    6 Jawa sandcrawlers
    5 Golden protocol Droids
    4 Astromesh Droids
    3 Force Ghosts
    2 Frozen Taun-tauns
    and Han Solo frozen in carbonite just for me.
     
  9. DARTH2-D2

    DARTH2-D2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    While both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, according to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring.

    Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen had to be a girl.
     
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