FF:QLD CJ's Happy-Fun-Joy-Joke-of-the-Day Thread.

Got told this joke at work today.. it amused me, no end...
And don't worry, it's clean.



What's the highest rating sitcom in Japan???

Everybody Loves RAMEN!

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Whoa, tough crowd... What? did somebody step on a duck?!
That's GOLD Jerry!!!

 

Heh, goodwork CJ, just the sort of thread this forum needs.

The contribution I bring to the table (well, before MD or BBN do) is that Batman is comedy gold.

The joke is, think of Batman in any situation and it will be hillarious.

"Holy crap, you're right!"

 

I totally was going to post that one, Morgan.




Q: What is the difference between a duck?

A: One of its legs are both the same!

 

A Rabbi, The Pope and the Dali Lama walk into a bar. The bartender asks: "What is this, some kind of joke?"

 

I totally was going to post that one, Morgan.

Heh heh heh.

 

Really my description Morgs did not do this any justice

 

Courtesy of Sir Rolf Harris:

An Australian, Englishman and Irishman are stranded on a deserted island. A bottle washes up on shore. They open it. A genie pops out and offers to grant them a wish each.
The Australian says: "I wish I was back at the pub with my mates." He disappears in a puff of smoke.
The Englishman says: "I wish I were back at home, having a Tuesday roast with my family." Puff.
The Irishman says: "Gee, I'm going to get pretty lonely here by myself. I wish both of them were back here with me."

 

Heard this one on Letterman...

On his 10th birthday, little Chester White got given a big chocolate mudcake.
Whilst his mum wasn't looking, Chester planted his face into the cake, and proclaimed..
"Look Ma, I'm Black!!!"

Shocked at his outburst, Chester's mother slapped him across the face, and said..
"Now you go to your father and tell him what you did!"

Reluctantly, Chester trod off to his Dad, who slapped him in kind..
"I'm disappointed in you, young man.. Now go to your Pop and tell him what you did."

Now getting the pattern.. Chester was not looking forward to what his Pop would do...
And with a slap.. His Pop exclaimed, "I hope you've learnt something from this!"

A quite annoyed Chester, then retorted...
"Yeah, I've learnt something..."
"I've been Black 5 minutes, and I already hate you WHITE people!"

 

A Bridge to Tasmania

A man was walking along a Victorian beach and was in deep prayer to the Lord. He said, "Lord, you have promised to give me the desires of my heart. That's what I am asking you for right now. Please give me a confirmation that you will grant my wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded up over his head and the Lord in a booming voice spoke to him. "I have searched your heart and determined it to be pure. The last time I issued a blank wish request it was to Solomon. He didn't disappoint me with his request for wisdom. I think I can trust that you won't disappoint me either. Because you have been faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish you ask for."

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Tasmania, but I'm deadly afraid of flying and I get very seasick on boats. Could you build a bridge to Tasmania, so I can drive over there to visit whenever I want?"

The Lord laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of Bass Strait? Think of how much concrete...how much steel! Your request is very materialistic, a little disappointing. I could do it, but it's hard for me to justify your craving for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me as well."

The man thought about it for a long while and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "Here's the deal, Lord. I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women...I want to know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...I want to know why they're crying...I want to know what they really mean when they say 'nothing'...I want to know how to make them truly happy...That's the wish that I want, Lord."

Then after a few minutes, God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

 

"Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right
now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing
it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave
a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you."

 

Why are golf balls small and white?


Because if they were big and grey they would be elephants.

 

What's long, yellow and furry?

An apple in disguise!