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Saga - PT Code Breaker: The Journal of Kash Ferros (DDC 2017) concluded 12/27

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by divapilot, Jan 2, 2017.

  1. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Title: Code Breaker: The Journal of Kash Ferros
    Author: Divapilot
    Genre: drama and let’s see what else.
    Era: Prequel era.
    Characters: OCs, maybe some prequel characters down the road.

    Connected works:
    But One Hour Mine
    Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

    Entry 1

    Master Quinnus said the other day that I have to be patient. We are all called to serve the Order, he says. Each of us brings unique gifts in the Force, and it’s our jobs to identify and develop them.

    It’s not too late for me. He assured me that I have the potential to be a Jedi, and even a Jedi in the Agricultural Corps does work that is important. He says that once I get control of my powers I can achieve whatever I want.

    That’s why I’m writing. Master Quinnus said I should document my activities so I can learn to recognize patterns in my behaviour. He said it would be good for me to take an assessment of my skills and an honest appraisal of my weaknesses.

    So – my skills.

    1.I can get along with lots of people. In fact, I scored a 86.3 out of 100 on the social adjustment index.

    2.I’m not dumb. I like to read and I especially enjoy history books. I passed all my science and mathematics classes.

    3.Other assets. Let’s see. I can levitate objects, I can handle a blade adequately, I am a fairly good shot with a blaster.

    4.I’d like to add that I am also devastatingly handsome. I’m a human male, aged sixteen standard years, I’m of average height and weight, I have dark hair. I’m thinking of growing a beard but I’m afraid if I do I will look better than the masters and then they‘ll get jealous, and who needs that trouble.

    My weaknesses. Oh stars, where to begin. I wouldn’t be on this farm if I didn’t have more points in the loss category than in the win category.

    1.It doesn’t matter if I can get along with lots of people. I am not running for Chancellor. And I know I get too attached. When my friends leave or get rotated out to other assignments, I always feel sad. I should rejoice that they have new opportunities to explore the galaxy. Master Quinnus says that is why we avoid attachments, even to friends. It interferes with our primary goal of serving the greater good through the Force. But I can’t help it. I miss them.

    2.I may not be dumb but I’m not smart enough to get nominated for the Exploration corps, so there’s no chance of me staying on Coruscant and eventually becoming a librarian or archivist. I only scored an 83.9 on that assessment and you needed a 90 to enter archival training. That’s where my friend Daria went- to the archives. She scored 96.1.

    3.I can do lots of Force manipulation but I can’t sustain it. I lift an object and it feels like my head is going to explode. I practice my lightsaber training and then I feel like I need to sleep for an hour. I don’t think I will ever be in a battle where the enemy will agree to let me take a nap and we could pick it up later. What good is having the skill when I don’t have the stamina? And those visions I get – can’t wait to be driving a speeder someday when suddenly my mind is a hundred light years away and fifty years into the future. (I feel even worse for whoever my passenger is.)

    4.It doesn’t matter what I look like. We aren’t supposed to care about our looks. Who am I trying to impress? No attachments, remember?


    I know that when I turn 19, I will be a legal adult and I can leave the farm if I want to. The thing is, even after all my loses and screw ups and mistakes, I still want to be a Jedi. It’s what I dreamed about doing all those years when I lived in the Temple in Coruscant, it’s what I’ve prepared for all my life. Master Quinnus says It’s rare but he’s seen people in their teens get selected from the Agricorps. He says that although it’s probably too late for someone to select me as a padawan, it could happen. But each year it seems less likely that anyone will want me.
     
  2. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Really happy to see that this diary is being written. :)

    Kash in Kash's own words is...intriguing, to say the least. One could say that his biggest problem appears to be how "average" he is, which - in turn - makes him "undesirable" for pretty much anything. Ironically, the Jedi don't like the jack-of-all-trades types and they would want the students to be exceptionally good at one thing. This encouragement to stand out seems completely contradictory to suppressing the individuality, whether it's attachment and true friendships or one's good looks (loved how Kash denied them at the end, OMG) and I can see how true individuality could get watered down by sending somebody to perform a bunch of people-pleasing and people-serving tasks.

    Another thing that's scary here is that Kash probably has nobody to turn to if he leaves and that this might be what keeps him dedicated to his old goal, though the chances seem to be of the snowball in hell variant. Freedom is a scary thing when you were raised not to be free.
     
  3. Anedon

    Anedon Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 11, 2016
    Intersting, I just saw the title of this story and the name Kash Ferros sounded familiar.
    I guess its the Kash from "But One Hour Mine"?
    Anyway a nice start, I can defenetly see why Kash wasn't choosen as a Jedi Knight. I'm intrigued how this goes on and how he will eventually meet Mirnay.
     
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  4. Lady_Misty

    Lady_Misty Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 21, 2007
    This kid needs a good dose of humility and a jumbo helping of humble pie; even if the first entry is amusing.
     
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  5. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 22, 1999
    =D= This is a great start! I really like Kash; he's definitely got a sense of humor as he chronicles his strengths and weakness ("I am devestatingly handsome." [face_rofl]) and he sounds convincingly like a young man who's trying to find his place in the world. I feel for him. He has the dream of becoming a Jedi, he's trained for it all his life, but he's not quite good enough. All his strengths (and some of what the Jedi qualify as weaknesses) would make him welcome anywhere else, but for some reason, no master sees enough promise in him. It's incredibly sad, and yet despite all that, Kash still has a warmth and honesty as he writes.

    It's interesting to see a character in the AgriCorps instead of a full Jedi or padawan. I've always thought the Jedi Service Corps gets short shrift. The work they do (exploration, education, healing...yes even agriculture) is important, maybe even as important as being a Knight. Yet it seems to be looked on as a dumping ground for weaklings and screw ups instead a place for those whose Force talents are different but no less valuable (parallels to RL education, hmmm? [face_thinking]). In the side notes in The Jedi Path, Luke mentions that he sees no reason to start separate corps, but this inclusiveness comes too late for Kash :(

    Once again, bravo. I look forward to seeing Kash's future entries.
     
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  6. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    I already love this concept -- the adolescent Jedi learner who was sent to the AgriCorps and is wondering if and how he'll get out of it. Having read the two companion stories to this DDC, I fear that the reason he'll get out of it might not be particularly pleasant. I also love how Kash's assessment of his strengths and weaknesses foreshadows what we see (or don't see ;)) of him in your two short stories where he already appeared.

    The most important new element about him that we found out so far is that he has premonitions, and I'm very curious to see how that will eventually come into play. Meanwhile, bring on the teenage angst :p
     
  7. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The Fanfic Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jun 29, 2004
    Oh, Kash. [face_laugh][face_love]

    Well, this is already an excellent start to your diary! Kash's personality is already quite engaging and you definitely set up an interesting background for him. His pros and cons in his own words had me snorting - at least, for his pros, he's rather self-aware of his cons. I was actually impressed by his candor. It was also really interesting comparing his mentality here to what we were able to glimpse of him in Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. I am really looking forward to seeing how you bridge the gap towards his maturity. [face_thinking]

    The line that really drew a chuckle from me:

    I’d like to add that I am also devastatingly handsome. I’m a human male, aged sixteen standard years, I’m of average height and weight, I have dark hair. I’m thinking of growing a beard but I’m afraid if I do I will look better than the masters and then they‘ll get jealous, and who needs that trouble.

    [face_laugh] Force protect us from teenage egos! That had me rolling my eyes - but fondly so, I may add. He made up for it with:

    It doesn’t matter what I look like. We aren’t supposed to care about our looks. Who am I trying to impress? No attachments, remember?

    Yep. No attachments. That's it. [face_mischief][face_laugh]

    I am also really intrigued by his mention of visions. That can only get more interesting from here. [face_thinking]

    It was the last line that really got to me, though - that king of quiet sneak-in about being wanted. I look forward to Kash finding his path here - whether its with a fulfilled sense of duty in the Agricorps, or as a Knight as he so clearly wants. It's going to be an interesting ride, either way, I foresee. :)

    =D==D=
     
  8. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Replies for entry 1. Code Breaker


    Thank you for reading and replying! Kash is doomed to be Force sensitive enough not to fit into the regular society but not Force sensitive enough to become a Jedi Knight. He has put all his dreams into this one goal, and he’s hanging on to a hope that gets dimmer every day. His own individuality has to be suppressed in order for him to meld into the Agricorps life, which means he has to give up on this dream, and that’s a hard pill for any teenager to swallow.


    Kash has an quiet ally in Master Quinnus (although he doesn’t realize it yet). However, he has to make a radical adjustment in who he defines himself to be. He doesn’t know any other way of life other than working toward becoming a Jedi Knight, and now he is realizing that isn’t going to happen for him.


    Thank you! I’m glad you like it. Yes, this is the same Kash who meets Mirany in “But One Hour Mine.” That particular story is about ten or twelve years later. This diary won’t bring us as far as “But One Hour Mine,” but it will leave you where Kash is as the Republic falls.



    Thanks for replying! Yes, Kash can come across as arrogant but he’s really whistling in the dark. He is, after all, sixteen years old and anyone with teenagers knows that a sixteen-year-old boy often thinks he knows practically everything. Kash is actually very frightened at this point – he has banked on a future that he is realizing isn’t going to happen, and he has no idea what he is supposed to do now.


    Thank you! Kash is trying to hold his head up and be positive but this is not where he assumed life would take him. He has talents that were good enough for him to be taken from his parents and his homeworld and raised and educated in this rarefied atmosphere of the Jedi temple, but now he’s learning that it isn’t quite good enough. He’s trying to redefine who he is, and he really doesn’t have a starting point other than as someone who is practicing to be a Jedi Knight.



    Yes, he probably grew up with cautionary tales about “Study hard – you don’t want to wind up in Agricorps,” or “Control yourself or you’ll end up on a farm somewhere.” Now here he is, and he did everything he thought he was supposed to do. It just didn’t work out for him. There is this idea that Agricorp is the warehouse for everyone who failed to make the mark. That’s gotta hurt. (There is a real life parallel to education – why do we look down on trade schools and elevate college preparatory programs? One is not better than the other, each student has talent. Different does not mean better or worse.) Kash thought he was going to Oxford and he wound up in plumbing school. But although there is nothing wrong with being a plumber, it’s going to take Kash a long time to understand and accept that.


    Thank you for reading and replying! Kash is coming to a crossroads. He can either swallow this bitter pill of being in the deep background and accept this life at Agricorps (which is a perfectly acceptable option) or he can reject everything he’s ever believed in as a Jedi and strike out on his own, which is terrifying since he’s never prepared to do anything other than be a Jedi. We as readers also have the luxury of knowing that disaster is looming for the Jedi – Order 66 is coming. How will he survive it?


    Yeah, those pesky premonitions. Kash has to really understand what the will of the Force is in order to understand those premonitions. He thinks he gets it, but he’s sixteen and he still has a lot to learn. Teenage angst ahead!


    Thank you! He has a long way to go before he becomes the man we see in “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” and “But One Hour Mine.” He’s still a confused teen here. But there’s that charming, kind of cheeky self-deprecation already, and his genuine compassion about others. Kash, at this point, is still desperately clinging to the idea that he might still be a Jedi Knight and be a hero. But there are other kinds of heroes, too, that don’t require knighthood.


    Lol, yup, the teenage ego indeed. What 16-year-old boy actually looks good in a beard? He still has a lot to learn. And yeah, that attachments thing is going to be a reoccurring issue in his life, as we know from the other two stories.


    He does have visions. It’s an unusual thing to run into and he obviously has no control (yet) over them, but they will be important. And that last part is exactly it – he wants to belong somewhere, he wants to be wanted. Nobody wants to feel that they’ve been thrown away. He has to redefine who he is so that he can understand what the Force wants from him. I like writing stories about those people who live in the seams, who fall in between the cracks. Kash definitely is in that category – too Jedi for a normal life, but too normal to be a Jedi.

     
  9. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Entry 2.

    Saleris and I had machinery maintenance duty this week. That’s fine with me, I like working on the engines. Saleris, not so much. He almost seems afraid of the engines. That is also fine with me because I would rather not have anyone hanging over me like a swamp vulture while I’m working on the engines. I understand machinery. There’s a logic to it. You apply the charge and the cylinder plates react, then the charge enters the resonation chamber and well you know the rest. Everyone from the littlest youngling learns the basics of gravimetric electronics.

    Everyone, it seems, except Saleris. That guy can’t tell a Tellika spanner from a Halper ratchet. Like yesterday, for instance. One of the threshers had a bad connector and needed a step-up. Easy, right? All I did was switched out the power converter, adjusted the step-up to receive the additional charge, flipped the switch, and the machine came to life. It’s simple physics. Saleris stared at me as if I had just performed sorcery.

    Of course, Saleris actually can perform sorcery. He is really talented at levitation and telekinesis, and he can perform suggestion so well that he once actually convinced Master Quinnus that we should have extra recreation time. If it happens to anyone, I wouldn’t be surprised if someday a Master came and took Saleris as an apprentice. Saleris is definitely not too old; he’s three years younger than I am so he is still trainable. The trouble with Saleris is his Rodian temper. If he could just calm down and look at things objectively he wouldn’t be so eager to get into arguments with everyone. We get along, but I’ve seen him take offense at the dumbest things.

    But that’s what happens when you can’t hit the bar. Each of us is here in agricorps because we have some kind of flaw. This is where we wind up. We are the wash-outs, the almost-but-not-quites, the no-thank-yous. I already wrote what my flaws are, I already know why I’m here. As for Saleris, it’s his hotheaded temper and his big mouth and he knows it. He’s is working with me because I have a pretty even temper. I don’t really get upset at anything. I think Master Quinnus is hoping that my calmness will wear off onto him.

    I’m not sure what I am supposed to be getting out of this relationship. I don’t mind; Saleris is a good guy and we get along fine. And there are days when I really appreciate his company. This farm is huge and you can go most of the day without seeing anyone but the occasional droid. It’s nice to have someone to talk to.

    Now that I think about it, I guess that’s one of my biggest flaws. I get lonely. I shouldn’t get lonely. Loneliness implies a connection and connections are just variations of attachments. I should be content and at peace with the Force as I go through my day. I should reflect on the many varied ways that the Force manifests itself in my being and in those who surround me. Even if nobody surrounds me, the Force flows through the grain fields and in all those creatures who live in it. Master Quinnus says to open myself more to the endless possibilities of the Force and not seek fulfillment from others.

    Because I’m older, I get more free time after last meditations whereas the younger people have to report to the dormitory. Sometimes I come out to the garage at night and work on the engines. (To me, that’s my meditation.) Then when I have a minute, I go outside and sit on the seed containers. (In fact, that’s where I am right now, sitting on a container of grain and propping my feet up on the hood of the tractor.) It’s darker out there behind the garage; the lights from the dormitory and the rest of the housing compound get blocked out by the tall building. I can sit in the shadows, clean the grease off my hands, and look up at the stars. Somewhere out there, there are Jedi knights who are negotiating trade agreements, leading fights against the Separatists, saving people in peril, handing out justice. I want so badly to be up there, too. I can’t give up hope. I can still get someone to take me as their padawan. What else am I good for?

    Why would I have the midi-chlorian level and not the talent? Why would the Force bring me so close that I can see my destiny, then deny it to me? I don’t understand it.
     
  10. Lady_Misty

    Lady_Misty Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 21, 2007
    That is a good question and I am sure that many people ask similar questions every day: why do I have the mind for ___________ but not the talent/patience?

    I can see in this entry the typical teenager and no longer what to hand him that humble pie I have sitting around.
     
  11. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    "Kash is doomed to be Force sensitive enough not to fit into the regular society but not Force sensitive enough to become a Jedi Knight." - well, you know I like them that way. :D

    Anyway...

    Saleris is, in a way, such a contrast to Kash. He cannot do mechanics (and I can totally sympathise with Kash not liking somebody to "help" and be "moral support" while he's performing those tasks - how familiar), he's got temper and the way he's using "sorcery" isn't exactly noble. I can totally see why would he not be wanted in the Jedi Order. But I can't help but notice that, while the Order is doing everything they can to weed out those who could be trouble, they have no idea that the one who IS trouble is both a good mechanic and a good "sorcerer".

    Now, on the other hand, calmness and loneliness don't have to go hand in hand. Kash seems to be attracting lots of darkness with his calmness - whether it's grease on his hands, the dark of the night or Saleris' presence. Wondering if this is meaningful or just a coincidence.
     
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  12. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    This is so sad :( Kash is really harsh on himself, not only as he assesses the way the Jedi Order sees him ("We are the wash-outs, the almost-but-not-quites, the no-thank-yous") but also in the way he believes a Jedi should live when he says "Loneliness implies a connection and connections are just variations of attachments" -- even for the Jedi Order of the prequels, this sounds quite extreme as an interpretation. But then again, it's not an interpretation that can be completely excluded, and it makes me wonder if Master Quinnus saying to "open [one]self more to the endless possibilities of the Force and not seek fulfillment from others" should be considered official dogma or consolation advice for youth sent to the AgriCorps.

    I liked how you showed the contrast with Saleris (and, as EP noted, how the two of them represent two important characteristics of Anakin) but how at the same time, Kash and Saleris have in common this frustration of being sidelined within the Jedi Order. Kash seems to think that Saleris is more likely than him to be ultimately chosen as a padawan, but my guess is that Saleris thinks the same thing about Kash. It could well be that the AgriCorps is a place where all young learners wonder about what could have been -- until they are older and seasoned enough to find their place in the galaxy.
     
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  13. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    I'm glad to see this starting too—how wonderful to get the chance to know the "absent protagonist" of "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark"! :)

    1: Things are certainly off to a fascinating start here—Kash is giving us a whole new view on the Jedi Order. Almost all the Jedi in official lore are these exceptional, almost supersentient beings with crazy-cool cosmic powers who aren't supposed to have weaknesses of just about any kind; they don't make screw-ups or mistakes, and they certainly don't engage in such utterly mundane pursuits as agriculture if they can at all help it. (That said, I did just notice that the AgriCorps is a canon thing.) But just from the standpoint of believability, we have to imagine that for each of the exceptional Anakin-types there are about 100 people like Kash, in the various Jedi Service Corps, each with their own strengths and weaknesses (and that's a very interesting exercise that Quinnus is having him do—I wonder if master and student here might end up not always agreeing on what counts as a weakness and what counts as a strength [face_thinking]). The Oxford-vs.-plumbing-school comparison is a really good one, and I can see the latter option being talked down in the GFFA just the same way as trade schools often are here. With time Kash will learn the value of what he's doing in the AgriCorps. I started by rolling my eyes at Kash's "devastatingly handsome" comment, but, as has been said, the way he so roundly renounces that side of himself at the end of the entry shows that there's a struggle lurking beneath that teenage callowness.

    2: Saleris and Kash seem like they're off to a good start as one of those "mismatched friendships" of which I've always been fond: Kash is skilled with manipulating things on the mechanical, physical level, Saleris on the metaphysical and psychological, and they complement each other. Their tempers are near-exactly opposite. But all the same, they have common ground in that they're both "not quites" of one sort or another. (Indeed, I wonder if Saleris has a mentor counseling him to write down his strengths and weaknesses too.) As others have said, it's painful to see Kash being so rough on himself re: loneliness: "loneliness implies a connection and connections are just variations of attachments"—yoicks, really? :eek: Though of course that view is entirely consistent with the ethos of the pre-OT Jedi Order. No surprise here to see Kash gazing up to the stars and continuing to wish for a "real" Jedi future—and I will be interested to see what will happen when and if he happens to share those thoughts with a friend like Saleris (whom I sure hope we'll see more of).

    Do keep it coming! :)
     
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  14. Anedon

    Anedon Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 11, 2016
    Poor Kash...
    This chapter made him a lot more sypathetic to me. I understood the pain he ferls for being rejected for being demmed not good enough to be a Jedi. That must be a hard fate especialky for young people like him. I felt bad for his lonlyness too, I know how it feels to be sad and have no one to talk too.
    A nice entry overall.
     
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  15. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The Fanfic Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jun 29, 2004
    Ouch, Kash, sweetie. :(

    It's so hard to see such a young person struggle with his place in the galaxy, but, at the same time, that makes it almost impossible not to identify with Kash. I really find myself liking him here; I like the depth of his insights, and I adore his honesty, even when it has a cutting edge to it. His friendship with Saleris I like too, and I do hope they can rub off on each other - for all that Saleris can benefit from Kash's calm, and a bit of his dignity (using the Force to manipulate a Master? o_O), I do hope that Kash can learn a bit from Saleris' confidence and determination, perhaps? Either way, I'm a sucker for oddly matched friendships, and I look forward to seeing where theirs goes.

    And then:

    Now that I think about it, I guess that’s one of my biggest flaws. I get lonely. I shouldn’t get lonely. Loneliness implies a connection and connections are just variations of attachments. I should be content and at peace with the Force as I go through my day. I should reflect on the many varied ways that the Force manifests itself in my being and in those who surround me. Even if nobody surrounds me, the Force flows through the grain fields and in all those creatures who live in it. Master Quinnus says to open myself more to the endless possibilities of the Force and not seek fulfillment from others.

    The first part of this just had me blowing out a frustrated breath for how the Jedi of old viewed the Force and their place within it. But, the second part I could definitely identify with - the Force is everywhere, in everything, and once you center yourself and become accepting of its will, who knows where it will take you? It's more difficult to feel alone when you have a purpose - and seeing Kash struggle with his here is a really, really heart-tugging tale.

    This was excellent, again, and I look forward to more! =D=
     
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  16. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Thank you to everyone who dropped in to read and/or reply.


    Thank you for reading and replying! Kash is still a teenager, and he has a lot to learn. Part of that is figuring out that life doesn’t always go the way you expect it. He’s trying, but being 16, he struggles to figure it out.


    Thanks for the thoughtful reply! Saleris is kind of a foil for Kash here. Whereas Kash is kind of easy going, Saleris is prickly and short-tempered. Saleris can perform the tasks of a Jedi but lacks the temperament, and Kash is the opposite- he has the temperament but can’t sustain the tasks. Taking a look at old Order’s system for what to do with those who don’t quite make it, you have to think that these kids probably deserved better than to be sent to a proverbial reject pile. I think I would rather have a person like Kash or Saleris, whose flaws have been painfully pointed out to them, than someone like Anakin, who on the surface seems to be the perfect Jedi but hides serious flaws from view.


    Kash just likes the peaceful atmosphere out there behind the garage in the summer evening, looking up at the stars. Nothing more than that. Saleris would have zero patience with that.


    Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it! Kash is kind of hard on himself, but he is trying to adjust to a hard truth. He truly believes in the dogma that he has been taught and now he has to find a way to make it align to the truth of his situation. Master Quinnus is, to me, not just the administrator of this farm, he tries to be a bit of a counselor to the kids too. He has probably spent years watching the hope drain from their young faces and has learned how to help them see that their lives haven’t ended just because they didn’t get selected as padawans. (More on him coming up soon.)

    It's got to be a rough few years – the teen years are challenging enough without having all your dreams dashed too. Saleris and Kash are pretty opposite but they share the same fear – that they are nobodies and they will never amount to anything. But what teen hasn’t been afraid of rejection? I would think they would find solace and support in their mutual situations.


    Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. I guess I was inspired by a few things – Obi-Wan’s near brush with the AgriCorps before being “rescued” by Qui-Gon Jinn on the transport that was to take him to the farm being the foremost. There seemed to be such a sense of dread on Obi-Wan’s part, that he was headed for the dumpster and only by the divine intervention of the Force was he saved from a horrible fate.
    I agree that everyone seems to focus on the demi-gods like Anakin and Obi-Wan, when in reality they must be a very small minority of all the Force sensitives that the galaxy holds. I would assume that sensitivity is on a spectrum, and someone like Anakin would be on the extreme end while someone like Kash is just enough overt the midi-chlorian level to hold potential but no guarantees. Kash is struggling. He is smart enough to know he’s pretty much reached the end of the line in his development as a Jedi, and at 16, he’s peaked. That’s a tough thing to come to terms with.


    They are opposites, and as much as Saleris is supposed to be learning calmness and serenity from Kash, it doesn’t hurt Kash to take on a mentoring role himself. Of course, he doesn’t realize that is what Master Quinnus is doing by assigning Saleris to work with Kash – Kash is being trained to be a counselor and mentor to kids like Saleris. Master Quinnus knows what he’s doing. He’s giving Kash an opportunity to see if this role has potential for him, and it empowers Kash.


    The old Order were so hung up on avoiding attachments, imho, that they came close to neglecting to see that all relationships are based on attachment. I can see the kids being taught to be friends with everyone but not have any best mates, because that’s an attachment. But what teenager can go without the special, best friend to help them navigate the twisted emotional paths of adolescence?


    Thank you! He does feel rejected, but he has had enough Jedi training to try to understand that there is a reason why he wound up here. He is by nature a friendly person, and the no-attachment rule is a hard one from Kash to abide by. He is doing his best, hoping for the best but beginning to understand that his assumption that he would be a Jedi Knight is never going to happen for him.


    Thank you for such a kind review. I appreciate it!
    Kash is a likeable guy. He is self-deprecating but not whiny, he is frustrated without being aggressive about it. Saleris is his opposite, his foil, and there is an affection between the two teens. They can definitely benefit from being in each other’s presence. Kash can stand to be a little sassier, and Saleris needs to know how to be still.

    Now that I think about it, I guess that’s one of my biggest flaws. I get lonely. I shouldn’t get lonely. Loneliness implies a connection and connections are just variations of attachments. I should be content and at peace with the Force as I go through my day. I should reflect on the many varied ways that the Force manifests itself in my being and in those who surround me. Even if nobody surrounds me, the Force flows through the grain fields and in all those creatures who live in it. Master Quinnus says to open myself more to the endless possibilities of the Force and not seek fulfillment from others.

    Kash is hard on himself, seeing his loneliness as a character flaw when in fact it’s just his nature to want to be with others. At this point, he is still clinging to the hope that if he can just discover what he is doing wrong then he can fix it and everything will be fine. The problem is that he just doesn’t have what it takes to be a Jedi Knight. You can tell from the way the wording slips into a more academic voice that Kash is repeating some dogma that was drilled into him; it’s Master Quinnus who is trying to get him to see that there are opportunities out there if he just learns to see them. As a wise philosopher once said, you can’t always get what you wanted, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.



     
  17. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Entry 3.

    It’s been rainy. That’s good for the crops because it’s been dry lately. The rain keeps coming down for hours. Every now and then a thunderstorm rolls in and the sky blows up into purples and yellows and lightning just rips across the sky. Then it goes back to another couple hours of rain. It’s been raining so hard that the hills are forming these little streams and the mud slides down the side of the hill.

    Not much we can do until the rain stops.

    Saleris has been acting strange. I think it’s finally hitting him that this is his last shot at becoming a Jedi knight. He’s starting to take the meditations seriously, and he is using every free moment to practice his Force skills. I’ll be walking through the dormitory at night and I’ll see him levitating his bunk and I have to stop and tell him to knock it off and go to sleep. (They let me monitor the younger ones because I’ve been here three years and the kids like Saleris have only been here a few months.) Who knows, maybe it will pay off for him.

    Saleris has the look of a person who is figuring out this is his last shot and he is going to go for it. But I’ve seen that look before. It’s the look I suppose you get when you realize you’re drowning, not floating.

    I don’t know if it will ever pay off for me. Master Quinnus and I went for a walk the other day, right after evening meal. He’s a good man. He wants to help us, I can tell. So anyway, we were walking down past the oliviara trees (very cool there, pretty too) and he asked me how things were going these days. I said fine, everything was proceeding according to the planting and maintenance schedule, and I thought we had a great chance for a good harvest.

    He stopped and turned around and his montrails curled around his shoulders. “That’s not what I mean, Kash. How are you doing? Have you made any progress with determining how the Force speaks to you personally?”

    “Oh, I’m fine,” I told him.

    He shook his head. “Kash,” he said. “I know it’s not what you want, living here on Salliche. I know that you want to be like the chosen padawans, out there doing adventurous things. But being a Jedi is not about adventure. It’s about finding the way that you can serve others. There is a path for you. I think you already suspect that your path is different from what you thought it would be.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Being different is not the same as being lesser. Each of us honours the Force. There is dignity in all aspects of being a Jedi, whether it’s out in a battle as a knight or here, growing the food that sustains us all. Listen to the Force. It will tell you what you need to do.”

    I know he’s trying to be helpful. I think he’s trying to help me understand that I wasted all those hours in saber practice because I will never have a lightsaber of my own. I have a kyber crystal, you know, a nice one with sparks of green in it, but it will stay in the box because I can’t master levitating and manipulating and channeling the Force all at the same time so I can assemble the thing. But like I said, he’s a good man. Sometimes I wonder how Master Quinnus wound up here, the leader of the losers.

    Sometimes I get wrapped up in life here on the farm and I actually forget for a minute that with each day my chances of ever becoming something important get smaller and smaller. Then, the next shuttle brings in a fresh group of twelve and thirteen year olds and I just feel older and older. I see their faces, desperately hopeful and terrified that their hope is unfounded, still believing the promises that the temple told us – that we were important, that we were given to the Jedi as nurselings to be raised to be special, and the Force spoke to us in ways that ordinary people never could imagine.

    I don’t want to be angry; it solves nothing and it is the path to the dark side. I have to keep trying to understand why I wound up here.

    Don’t tell me it’s the Will of the Force. There has to be a better reason than that.

    It’s still raining. Not much we can do until the rain stops.
     
  18. Anedon

    Anedon Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 11, 2016
    Nice entry. :)
    I like the idea of reflecting Kash mood with the rain, he is stuck on the farm and can´t become a Jedi as they rain keeps them stuck in the buildings, nice metaphor.
    It´s defenetly a hard thing to know you weren´t good enough to be a Jedi, but its nice to see their master is comforting them. He probably hasn´t an easy job either, taking care of children who feel rejected and depressed.
     
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  19. Lady_Misty

    Lady_Misty Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 21, 2007
    As someone who lives on a farm and does planting, weeding, harvesting and food preservation (canning, freezing, drying) rain is helpful but it almost sounds like they're getting too much rain which isn't good for the plants because the roots can rot because of the excess water or the rain can wash away too much soil and expose the roots or the growing plants causing the plant to die.

    There's a great quote floating around somewhere that talks about equality and fairness but for the life of me I can't remember it but i do remember a cartoon that talked about the difference and it showed three people watching a ballgame from behind a wood plank fence. each person was standing on a small box but only the two people could see the game while the third could not because they were too short to see over the fence even standing on a box; however the first person was tall enough to see over the fence without a box. The second part of it showed the first person standing on the ground and the third person standing on two boxes stacked on top of each other and able to see over the fence.

    Equality should't mean the same since we all have different strengths and weaknesses. Equality is treating everyone fairly despite age, gender, circumstances, life style and income.

    And the hand life dealt us doesn't always seem fair and we don't always understand why but we need to make the best of things and move on. Some dreams die and their deaths can be painful but sometimes it's for the best and there's something better waiting for us if we will have hope that there's something better just beyond the horizon.
     
  20. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 22, 1999
    Catching up....

    I love the character you've created here. There's such an honesty and a yearning to his entries that make Kash a likable, relatable character. He is trying so hard to find his place, and you've really made his hurt and confusion palpable. Kash has a lot of valuable skills--repairing engines, working on the farm, even being a mentor to the younger padawans--they're just not the skills that are going to get him knighted. It's hard to see him so focused on something out of his reach, but like many young adults trying to figure out their lives, he only sees one path forward: knighthood or nothing. :( Master Quinnus is wise, and I hope that Kash will see the truth in his words:
    This is beautifully put.

    This is such a sad reflection, not just about Kash, but about the Jedi as a whole, that anyone who is not quite good enough to be a full knight is treated this way. This attitude has infected the way Kash sees himself, the agri-corp, even Master Quinnus, who he calls the "leader of the loser." It makes me want to kick the Jedi Council in their collective shebs, because it's certainly not respecting the will of the Force or the dignity of all beings. It parallels the comment you made earlier regarding education in RL, that we value college but look down on trade school, even though a plumber, electrician or farmer is as important in society as any college graduate.

    This is another problem I have with the Jedi as depicted in the Prequels. Humans (and I would assume, most other sentient species) aren't meant to be solitary. We need and crave connections to one degree or another. Denying connections and emotions is not a healthy way to live, and society is built on these connections of friendship,love, and trust (even if you exclude romantic "attachments").

    I've heard this sentiment from friends who've been earnestly seeking God's will in their lives...and said similar things myself.

    Once again, bravo for creating such a compelling character, looking forward to more! =D=
     
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  21. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    Sheesh, Kash is bored, isn't he? Farming may not be his thing (although in fairness he hasn't said that he doesn't like farming, just that he was/is hoping for something bigger and better) but not-even-farming is worse. I love how you depict him as the older teen -- able to keep his impulsiveness under check, but eager for any sort of activity rather than idleness.

    As you said in your reply above, and as Kash sees for himself, Master Quinnus is indeed a kind soul -- and a very wise man too.
    But passing that message to a teenager so that he really understands it is something of a losing battle, isn't it? Especially when the said teenager can't help but think of him as "the leader of the losers".
    Your depiction of the Jedi Order of old in this fic is merciless (not that it's not well-deserved)! There's a delicate balance between motivating young children to perform and giving them expectations of something that they might not achieve, and from Kash's perspective at least the Jedi Order utterly failed. No wonder he thinks of himself as a "wash-out, an almost-but-not-quite, a no-thank-you" if he was made to believe that he was superior in so many ways. Falling from that pedestal is harsh :(
     
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  22. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The Fanfic Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jun 29, 2004
    I love how the exposition of the rain here; it really framed the entry quite nicely, and set a perfect mood. There were a few beautiful word pictures here; with the rivlets of rain and the trees. You have a wonderfully subtle hand with your prose!

    But, onto Kash - Kash . . . I am really growing to adore the softness of his reflections and the almost painful scope of his honesty. He's just so . . . earnest. I love his attempts at maintaining his balance - trying to find his place, deal with his anger and disappointment, and settling between what he wants and what he has. It's a hard medium for an adult with 'normal' expectations to reach, and for him to spend such crucially formative years while thinking of himself as a 'wash-out, no-thank-you' is just heartbreaking. Because he does have skills here - he obviously has some senority and authority with the other farmers, and he's great with the younger children, and with machines. He has skills - just not the type that allow him to assemble a saber or fight as a Knight. But they are still skills. And those skills can give him a purpose.

    But I like seeing him mature through the tone of his introspection, even if he can't quite tell he is yet. :p

    But being a Jedi is not about adventure. It’s about finding the way that you can serve others. There is a path for you. I think you already suspect that your path is different from what you thought it would be.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Being different is not the same as being lesser. Each of us honours the Force. There is dignity in all aspects of being a Jedi, whether it’s out in a battle as a knight or here, growing the food that sustains us all. Listen to the Force. It will tell you what you need to do

    What a superb bit of mentoring! If all Jedi were Knights, then needed things like the Agri Corps wouldn't get the attention or manpower they need. There's beauty and honor in serving in all ways, and I look forward to Kash realizing that.

    (And, something tells me that Kash being on the 'outside' here will just protect him and set him on the path the Force has in store for him with the dark days to come . . . [face_worried])

    Sometimes I get wrapped up in life here on the farm and I actually forget for a minute that with each day my chances of ever becoming something important get smaller and smaller. Then, the next shuttle brings in a fresh group of twelve and thirteen year olds and I just feel older and older. I see their faces, desperately hopeful and terrified that their hope is unfounded, still believing the promises that the temple told us – that we were important, that we were given to the Jedi as nurselings to be raised to be special, and the Force spoke to us in ways that ordinary people never could imagine.

    Eugh, but that last line just killed me. I have to echo the above commenters who said that that is not at all a healthy mind-frame to instill in children. The Old Jedi Order was in desperate need of a reform - as close to the darkness unfolding and unable to see clearly as they were - and something tells me that Kash is going to make those realizations and find his place. Even if it isn't quite what he expected or wanted from life now. [face_thinking]

    Excellent work, as always! I can't wait to read more. :)

    =D=
     
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  23. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    I get the weirdest things ever happening with your stories. Next to that one where I lost the comment a total of seven times, there's this one. I was sure I left a comment last night, I even remember some of the words - but looks like it was one of those dreams that seemed way too convincing. I woke up and there was nothing in the comment box and nothing posted. Oookay... o_O

    Well, that was...extremely soggy. I agree with Anedon - that was one great analogy overall.

    One thing that stood out in the whole thing was the following:

    For some reason, I expect that this might be one of the things that will influence Kash's eventual decision to leave. Whatever it is.

    And this is where it turns out that Saleris is not that impulsive, just that Kash's impulsive for...different things. He appears to be lacking some peace of the mind necessary to finish that ultimate task that would make him a Jedi. It's as if everything is pointing out that his destiny, perhaps Destiny, with a capital D, lies somewhere else. Somewhere where somebody like him will be appreciated for what it is - the stuff that the Jedi Order claims everybody is, yet they aren't.

    I also wonder about this little piece of repetition...

    ...because, in a way, it rains and pours on Kash himself and once he knows what he was destined for, he will see a brighter day.
     
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  24. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005

    Thank you for your reply! Kash is feeling down, and the rain isn’t making it better, He’s bored and frustrated. But he is starting to listen to his master, who has many years of taking care of these kids. He knows how to help.


    Thanks for the reply! I have to admit I don’t live on a farm; this is just speculation on my part. I know that there is no end of the work on a farm; maybe Kash is bummed because the work he enjoys isn’t available to him. But this is the GFFA – anything can happen. :p



    That’s very true. There seems to be an attitude that anything less than a Jedi Knight is a failure, and that’s unfair to those Jedi to whom the Force directs them to another direction. It should be more equal, and Kash has to learn that he is just as important as any Knight. As Master Quinnus tells him, it is not for us to question where the Force brings you; you just have to trust that it is sending you on the right path.


    Thank you, and thanks so much for your reply. Kash is a decent guy, and he really wants to belong. There is a desire in him to be accepted and wanted, and he doesn’t quite know how to align that with the idea that he isn’t going to be the Jedi Knight he always assumed would be his future. He does have a number of skills that would be very valuable in any other profession, but just not really helpful in becoming a Knight. Quinnus understands that he is struggling and is trying to get him to see what he does have, and not what he doesn’t.


    I used the story of Obi-Wan being “rescued” from a future with AgriCorps as my inspiration here. I can imagine that the fear of being told you were done, that your chances of being a Jedi Knight were over, must have been devastating for these kids. And they are only thirteen or fourteen years old, which makes them so vulnerable anyway. There doesn’t seem to be much of a system in place to help them adjust to the disappointment, especially when people like Anakin were essentially celebrities.:(


    The way the Jedi were portrayed in the Prequels seems very demanding emotionally. There is this idea that the Jedi were somehow above relationships, but not everyone can live like that. It makes for a very lonely existence. Kash, in particular, craves friendships and connections, and it makes it particularly hard for him to try to live a life that disconnects him from those close relationships.


    Thank you so much! I hope you continue to enjoy.:)


    Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I appreciate it. Yes, Kash is bored out of his mind. And he is getting kind of adjusted to farming, in fact he doesn’t actually mind it – it has its advantages. He just thought he would be a Hero – he has to learn that there are all kids of heroes. Not every hero wields a lightsaber. And as for the older teen, well, I’ve taught high school for over 20 years so I have some experience with that particular creature. :p


    Kash has a good idea that Master Quinnus is on his side and is doing his best to help him. But Kash is still a teenager and he still takes things to heart. As he matures, Kash understands things better. [face_thinking]


    I’ve felt that the old Jedi Order made some pretty steep demands on children. Part of this, as I said in a reply above, comes from the hero-worship given to the “stars” of the order, like Anakin. If you can’t compete at that level, then where do you belong? There must be hundreds of Force adepts who were Force sensitive enough to be selected, but not strong enough to be Jedi Knights. They had to go somewhere. If only the war heroes were celebrated, then everyone else must have felt like second strings. :(



    Thank you so much! I appreciate it! Kash has a bit of the sensitive poet’s soul. In fact, although he doesn’t yet realize it, he isn’t really the kind of person who would make a good Knight – he cares too deeply about everything. He can’t detach himself. The more he stays on the farm, the more responsibilities he gets, and the more he learns who he really is and not who he imagined he could be. He does indeed have skills, and he needs to realize that those skills are also valuable. o_O


    Kash is maturing. He is starting to accept his fate and he is learning that there is life outside of being a Jedi Knight. There is a future out there for him that he hasn’t even begun to imagine.


    Master Quinnus a true believer in the Force, but he understands that rules can sometimes be more like guidelines. Each person must find their own way, themselves, and he is there to help you listen to the Force. Not everyone can be a Jedi Knight – the entire Order depends on all the individual members. It’s like a theater- not everyone can have the lead role, but without the rest of the cast there can be no production.


    Kash has a unique calling in the Force that even Master Quinnus can’t anticipate, and one that could never be fulfilled if Kash actually had become the Jedi Knight that he had thought he would be. Sometimes you have to give up one dream to fulfill the one you were supposed to have.


    ACK me too! I think twice now I have written extensive reviews of your work, then hit the X on the top of the screen instead of minimizing my word doc so I could paste it in. Then I stare in disbelief at my incompetence and I get so discouraged. But I do love your work, you know that, right? ;)


    Kash admires Master Quinnus and gets how hard the master works to help his kids. Kash isn’t stupid- he knows that Master Quinnus has a hard job. It could very well be a reason why Kash leaves – even someone as talented as Master Quinnus wasn’t appreciated by the Order.


    Yes, exactly. He doesn’t fit the mold of a Jedi Knight. He wants companionship, he craves friendship and love. This isn’t what a Jedi Knight should be thinking about. He has the desire to achieve knighthood and he believes this is his dream, but dreams aren’t always supposed to come true. His Destiny with a capital D lies elsewhere, only he doesn’t see it yet. Thank you so much for your reply. :D
     
  25. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Entry 4

    There’s word that some representatives from the Jedi Temple at Coruscant are coming to visit the farm to talk about increasing the production that gets sent to the front. It’s tough, trying to feed an army. They may be clones but they still eat. Besides I hear that some of the regiments are starting to recruit straight out of the affected star systems to supplement the clone armies. That means special dietary needs. You can’t just send out the same old stuff that the clones ate, you have to consider what each system’s citizens want. Maybe they have cultural restrictions. Or their bodies can’t process certain foods. Like, if you have some Mon Calamari forces, you don’t want to be giving them lots of dairy, right? Ew.

    The youngest kids have no idea why this visit is so important, but everyone else is neatening up their uniforms and putting a little more kick into their work. Saleris even asked for extra rotations. You know, he’s done an awful lot of improving since he got here five months ago. I remember when he got off the shuttle – he almost got into a fight with some human girl over who took the seat nearest the door in the refectory. Now he takes his time, thinks before he speaks, and even says please and thank you. He’s nearly civilized. Master Quinnus says it’s because he follows my example. He sees how the other kids respect me, and Saleris values respect, so he copies what I do. That’s kind of flattering.

    Master Quinnus assigned me some more mathematics courses, which I’ve pretty much finished. At first I wasn’t sure why he did it, but now I think I see. He’s been going over the harvest projections with me, and now that I have that mathematics background I can understand the algorithms that are used to create the predictions. I have a better understanding of the costs and profits to run this place. This farm is huge. I mean it’s enormous. It’s actually owned by Salliche Agricultural Corporation, and we run it for them. They let us live here and since we’re Jedi and don’t tend to ask for much, it keeps the overhead down, I guess.

    I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but Master Quinnus wants me to be a SAC representative when the Jedi from Coruscant come. This means that I’ll get to show the visiting Jedi masters how the farm operates - at least the part that our team runs. He’ll even let Saleris be my assistant. Master Quinnus tells me that it’s even possible to go back to Coruscant with them and learn more about business operations. It’s weird – you’d think that would be exciting news because I’d be going back to where I grew up. But I don’t think of the Temple as home anymore. I’m going to say something weird: I don’t even know for sure if I really want to live on Coruscant. But it’s true. There are so many people there. You can’t ever be alone. The weather is artificial, you can’t see the stars, the only vegetation is ornamental.

    Of course, I want to go back to Coruscant and return to the Jedi Temple to try again to take my Trials, but after all is said and done (and I can’t believe I’m writing this), I think, maybe, my home is here.