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Saga - OT [DDC 2017] Doaba Ke'demii - The Diary of a Young Comradette (OCs | ANH/TESB) - COMPLETE, e-book soon

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Ewok Poet, Jan 3, 2017.

  1. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Title: Doaba Ke'demii - The Diary of a Young Comradette
    Author: Ewok Poet
    Genre: Angst, friendship, family, "romance"
    Characters: Bunch of OCs (see below), Tendra Risant (Legends character)
    Timeframe: 5 ABY to 3.5 ABY
    Rating: PG
    Length: 36 entries. ~42K words. Updates every ten days.
    Summary: A teenage girl living on Sacorria in the turbulent times between the battles of Yavin and Hoth attempts to figure out herself and others.

    Doria Vorr is the protagonist of The Black Star and The Blind Chart the Stars. The Black Star begins with Doria’s graduation from FAIS and her blunt statement that she has no ambitious or dreams. Well, this is how it came to that. This story follows her from the death of her father Elesandre to the evening before her graduation.

    The subtitle is a pun on a famous one, yes - but in no way meant to be disrespectful. It symbolises being trapped and being apathetic about it. In a way, it's an exact opposite of my last year's DDC, where the protagonist didn't know how to handle his freedom and, well, many other things.

    This is also a good idea of how an average Sacorrian youth was indoctrinated at the end of the Empire's reign. Expect some pretty warped takes on reality as it is. Double indoctrination, anyone?

    To be available once there is a sufficient number of entries and once I've finished making some other kriffin' e-books. :p

    What does DDC stand for?
    DDC stands for "Dear Diary Challenge" and it's a long-standing tradition on this message board. A character has to keep a diary for one year and update twice a month, or more. You can read more about it here.

    All my fics take place in a shared micro-universe that does not contradict anything that happens before the Sequel Trilogy and is therefore canon-compliant. If you have not read anything I have written before, you're more than welcome to, though it's not obligatory. Ask whatever you want to know - I will be happy to help! And flattered that you're interested!

    Links to "help files"
    - My OCs (original characters)
    - My fanon entry on Sacorria

    Links to related works, listed chronologically:
    - Forever Away from Home
    - Midday Darkness // The Light Is Me, I Am The Light
    - Letters Never Sent
    - The Black Star
    - My short stories

    *If there is anything new in this shared universe, this list will be updated*

    Dramatis Personae


    Doria Vorr – The narrator of this diary. 17 when it starts, 18 when it ends. Last year student at the First Agricultural Institute of Saccorata. Orange shirt. Desperately trying to fit in, in more ways than one. Fan of podracing and the podracer named Jax Novo, from Corfai. In her own description, has “poodoo after too much vegetables” eyes, “boring dark” hair, “is afraid she could split in two” because she “looks like a Class G cargo container”. Born in 14 BBY.

    Maris Inesedam Vorr – Doria’s mother and, as of recently, a widow. Custody at the Museum of Corelllian Sector History in Saccorata. Lost her mother one year before she lost her husband. Her father died when she was really young. She distrusts anything that loves her unconditionally.* Former Miss Golden Grains (which she never wanted to be), a good catch for any fellow widower, but not interested in relationship. Reddish hair, green eyes, pale skin and “won’t split in two”, as per her daughter’s words. Was an orange shirt. Born in 44 BBY.

    Gredda of R’vanye – Doria’s seven years older friend and a spark of sanity. Lead engineer and supervisor at Agricultural Appliances Research Institute of Saccorata. Specialises in lasers. She worked as Elesandre Vorr’s mentee, quickly ended up supervising him and the rest of her department. Occasional guest lecturer at Saccorata Tech. Tan fur, yellow-brown eyes, tall for a Drall. Wears a single black star on her necklace. Was a red shirt. Born in 20 BBY.

    Duchess Branna of R’vanye – Gredda’s aunt and the leader of the R’vanye clan, the matriarch of the R’vanye family proper. Never married, does not want to talk about her past. Semi-retired gemmologist who is sometimes invited for this or that assessment. Member of Corellian Academy of Science and Arts. Brown fur, black eyes, very tall for a Drall, close to 150 cm. Wears a necklace composing of twelve little black stars. Was a red shirt. Born in 64 BBY.

    Kutuya of R’vanye – Duchess Branna’s much younger sister and a mother of three – the twins Gredda and Tessar and a far younger son, Ebe. Mathematics professor at FAIS. Same fur and eye colour as her sister, but much shorter, with the build more similar to the one of male Dralls. Was a red shirt. Born in 50 BBY.

    Tendra Risant – Doria’s schoolmate. Daughter of a government legislator who studies and lives with the Katisver family in Saccorata. Occasionally frowns over her voluptuous figure or, in her own words, her “Centerpoint Station build”. A red shirt, started school one year earlier. Google her name to see her as an adult and imagine her younger, slightly less stylish and slightly overweight. Born in 14 BBY. Legends character.

    Nola Katisver – Government legislator and a friend of Jhorn Risant ever since their school days. Takes Tendra Risant in during her studies at FAIS and helps her decide what she really wants to do in her life. Mother of Jan Katisver, who goes to the same class with Doria, Tendra and the others. She gave Doria her "signature" red boots. Was a red shirt. Born in 40 BBY.

    Admiral Gordi Gauree – Currently the only Human female on a high position in Sacorrian military, has her own Imperial Star Destroyer, Arcadia, and is obsessed with possible scenarios of a malicious Rebel attack on the Corellian Sector.

    Larax Antilless – Maris’ eccentric aunt who eloped with a Selonian to Vagran. Slightly unintelligent at times, loves attention, has a good sense of style, pretty much no sense for having sense otherwise, often talking nonsense. Was a white shirt that advanced to a yellow shirt, former life model and clothing designer. Born in 65 BBY.

    Yola Inesedam (née Antilless) - Maris' mother, Larax's older sister, Doria's grandmother. Born in 70 BBY, died in 1ABY.

    Zana Da-Yurk – Has been going to school with Doria and Jan since the very beginning. Dim-witted, humble and calm. Angleberry blonde, much like Tendra Risant. Born in 14 BBY.

    Karlina Trindello (née Yaihe) - Actress, former child star, wife of Yvar Trindello.

    Gladiola Porkley – Roko Porkley’s wife, Porky’s mother. A stay-at-home mother since the family moved to Saccorata for a more “simple life”. Likes Doria enough to put up with her.

    Kaya Malokio – A young Galactic Basic and Progressive Imperial Literature teacher at FAIS. Deems Doria an anti-talent for writing. Born in 24 BBY.

    Orderina Taika - The winner of the Grotlo county writing camp scholarship. Not referred by her name in the story.

    Pantareah "Pan" Steurpa - Xenobiology teacher at FAIS. Loves to engage her students in hands-on projects, especially those related to ecology. Doria is her favourite student. Comes from a line of biology professors, her mother, Trudee is one and her grandmother, also called Trudee, taught the students in my other story. Born in 30 BBY.

    Lumia doi Lucé - Maris' second cousin, living on Xyquine II. Born in 48 BBY

    Ada Migroona - A famous and talented singer, Mol Migroona's older sister. Mentioned only.

    Mol Migroona - A so-and-so singer and a socialite, Jax Novo's girlfriend. Mentioned only.

    Diva Alovera - Half-Theelin podracer and team mate of Kiino Taue in Meh-nardee.

    Roula of Pelayn - Dean of SUPAS in Sublata, from the Pelayn clan. Born in 64 BBY.

    Grandia of Pelayn - CEO of ProSper, the company that makes Saygo speeders.

    Prime Comradette Ysne of Nar'cees - The leader of the artificial Nar'cees clan from Curheg.

    blasetreegoatAU aka Dede - Doria's first HoloNet buddy. Art student.

    Aya Kerrsen - Doria's neighbour and friend, a lawyer in the Square Building in Dorthus Tal City.

    Sadolina Kerrsen - Aya and Kirdo's mother, a civil engineer.

    Iris Galsoonoon (née Vorr) - Elesandre Vorr's older sister, Doria's aunt. A huge fan of pseudo-science and the works of Seegmon D'Fraud. Born in 48 BBY.

    Trudee Steurpa (II) - Pantareah Steurpa's mother, Trudee Steurpa's daughter. She married a man with the same name as hers. Mentioned only.

    Trudee Steurpa - The first out of three Steurpa women who worked as a xenobiology professor. Mentioned only.

    Galah Yaywine - Popular actress, known for the hit holofilm, “Tell Me Later, Tell Me Too Late”. Mentioned only. Born in 20 BBY.

    Mirayne Maskrel - Doria's Olys Corellisi teacher at FAIS. Near retirement. Mentioned only.

    GR-13 - Doria's music teacher at FAIS. A GR-series droid. Mentioned only.


    Elesandre Vorr (deceased) – Doria’s father and Maris’ husband, engineer at AARIS. Was the life of the party everywhere he would go, the centre of attention. Not the best worker, but capable of making up for that with his charm. Somewhat lazy. Born in 45 BBY, died in 2 ABY. Mentioned only.

    Glaunder “Porky” Porkley – Doria’s boyfriend. From a military family. Went to the same basic school in Dorthus Tal City as Dak Gauree and Tendra Risant, befriended the other students once his family moved to the outskirts of Saccorata. Blonde, slightly overweight, member of Progressive Youth. Born in 14 BBY.

    Geo Antilless – Yola and Larax’s brother. Born in 62 BBY. A daredevil, despite his age.

    Admiral Roko Porkley – Official in the Sacorrian Freedom Army and the Galactic Empire, Porky’s father.

    Danyle "Dany" of R’vanye – Kutuya’s husband, mathematics professor at SAIS. Wears impossibly thick spectacles. The students call him Danylirious, because he's QUITE enthusiastic about his work.

    Tessar of R’vanye – Gredda’s twin brother, with interests completely different from hers. An occasional lecturer at SUPAS, followed Duchess Branna by picking gemmology as his major.

    Young Ebe of R’vanye – Kutuya and Danyle’s youngest child. A bright, happy-go-lucky dralling.

    Jhorn Risant – Tendra’s father. A state legislator at the Square Building in the Dorthus Tal City. Wants all the best for his daughter and is a great dad.

    Jan Katisver – Doria’s friend and Nola and Gunn’s son. Eager to help, listen and provide solutions; but never stopping Porky and Dak from doing whatever they're up to.

    Gunn Katisver – Jan’s father and Nola’s husband. A househusband, that is.

    Dak Gauree – Admiral Gordi Gauree’s son and a friend of Porky's and Jan's. Has a crush on Tendra Risant. Does not like Doria.

    Jax Novo - A podracer from Corfai, former Core Worlds podracing champion. Doria's celebrity crush and idol, rival to Haylo Cipesz. Born in 25 BBY.

    Lichen Lucé - Aunt Lumia's husband. Mentioned only.

    Foggo - A "Celestial-channeling Drall healer" whom Lumia visits when on Sacorria.

    Haylo Cipesz - Jax Novo's rival. Mentioned only.

    Mundo W'hay - Haylo Cipesz team mate at Verraro Podracing. Mentioned only.

    Saride - The vice-dean of SUPAS.

    Ekram - The mysterious person Gredda visits in Sublata. Mentioned only.

    Flheesooslheesoo Poloomaantee - A Squib HoloNet marketer, trying to sell the same bent fork to everybody.

    Dr. Bot Fudd - Neimoidian HoloNet scammer.

    Kirdo Kerrsen - Sadolina Kerrsen's son and Aya Kerrsen's older brother - a civil engineer.

    Nekolaas Aven'tua - Pantareah Steurpa's boyfriend, professor at Saccorata Tech.

    Sophronim - The Drall psychologist at FAIS, a fanatical follower of Seegmon d'Fraud's teachings and theories.

    Haak Gridmatter - Doria's Studies of Progress and Unity teacher at FAIS.

    Seegmon D'Fraud - The long-living Neti psychiatrist. Mentioned only.


    The rest of Doria's class at FAIS, Aurek-10 is listed at the very beginning of this entry.

    AARIS – Agricultural Appliances Research Institute of Saccorata
    CESA – Censorship and Education
    SUPAS – Sacorrian University of Progressive Arts of Sublata
    FAIS – First Agricultural Institute of Saccorata, a lyceum
    SAIS - Second Agricultural Institute of Saccorata, a lyceum
    ST – Saccorata Tech, an university
    p/u – Progress and Unity. HoloNet shorthand
    SOPU (jokingly SOUP) - Studies of Progress and Unity

    Click here and scroll down to “Education” for my notes on Sacorrian colour-coded students.
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2018
  2. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
  3. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014


    I’m a child of progress and unity,
    I serve my duty to the society,
    From the day I’m born to fields of golden grains,
    To the day the shuttle carries me away,
    Buy Saygo!

    DOBY PADBRAIN V 476.00



    datapad entry screen loading

    it*s progressive to wait


    it*s progressive to wait


    it*s progressive to wait

    // 90056-=v554b689m,8m,p0.-23443344cc4vvbv

    datapad master serial entered. progressive wait message set by the CESA will be removed. sure you want to proceed?

    // YES

    the system requires a reboot

    reboot taking place



    I’m a child of progress and unity,
    I serve my duty to the society,
    From the day I’m born to fields of golden grains,
    To the day the shuttle carries me away,
    Buy Saygo!


    datapad entry screen loading

    displaying content of the datapad entry screen

    this datapad is the property of AARIS

    datapad locked

    enter passcode

    // b4nth4p00d00

    content unlocked


    1 - progressive utilities
    2 - sacorrianet
    3 - personal note-compartment
    4 - removed
    5 - holostudent interface
    0 - exit

    // 3

    personal note-compartment needs to be created

    1 - create
    0 - exit

    // 1

    personal note-compartment created

    your personal note-compartment can feature a cover

    1 - enter cover text
    0 - skip

    // 1

    enter cover text. use / for a new line


    cover text recorded
  4. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    write a note-compartment item

    1 - enter title manually
    0 - skip

    // 1
    // The Diary That Does Not Exist

    assign a number to the note-compartment item?

    1 - enter number manually
    0 assign number automatically

    // 0

    enter text

    [00] The Diary That Does Not Exist

    Dad died yesterday.

    If I write that for the second time, will it hurt less? Dad died yesterday. Heart attack, not enough medical staff because they have been leaving the planet to serve the R-e-p-u-b-l-i-c and now Empire ever since the Clone Wars and our glorious field hospitals, and they just arrived too late, plain and simple. Gredda says that the only actual problem there was the “procedure” required for anybody not working for AARIS to actually enter the building and I am not sure if she is just comforting me or something. Then again, mom was never able to visit dad at work, and neither was I.

    I never thought I would be writing a diary. For one, it’s forbidden by law, ever since the year I was born. It has been said that a dangerous diary could destroy the Progress and Unity of our world and we’re not allowed to chronicle our lives in a subjective way like that. It adds the element of bias and other things that could possibly lead to disputes of its accuracy. Chronicling comrades and comradettes’ lives, that is what the Official Registry is for. But would the official registry capture this moment and help me cope? No. So, as far as I am concerned, there has to be some innovation in order for p/u to be maintained and this is my innovation.

    On top of it, writing is not progressive. It makes you think, feel and…stuff. And comradette Kaya Malokio says that I’m not progressive enough for a writer and discourages me to write anything outside of assignments about – yeah – crops. Because crops will feed the progressive youth and therefore they serve a purpose.

    Yes, I was trying to talk myself out of doing this, for many reasons. But Gredda can’t possibly come here every day – she too works in shifts like dad did. And if I cannot talk to her, I can always yell into the void. Not like anybody else listens. Dad never did, mom never does and it can only get worse now, Duchess Branna just shuns the topics I would like to talk about most…I virtually have no girlfriend I can trust and Porky just tells me that I am too emotional. Whom else should I talk about it to? Tendra Risant? Zana Da-Yurk? No way.

    This datapad did not belong to dad, I got it from Gredda, and it’s her old one. They did not allow us to have dad’s, anything owned by AARIS engineers has to be decommissioned before they’re even laid in the plots on Sarcophagus. This is done for the purpose of our safety, just in case they were carrying a dangerous disease. After all, working with offworlders and various cultivates of suspicious grains can result in a disease and comrades and comradettes should not be swept away in a plague. This is not Froz and we are not semi-sentient! We are progressive and privileged for being of superior species.

    Even if this datapad was dad’s own, if we were, say, on some world where the level of responsibility for public health was below the standards, mom would never let me have it. I always break everything, she says. This is not true. This is not true, by any means. I only break things when I’m really, really angry. Of course, Porky has seen me do it and he advised my parents that I should not own things such as protocol droids and datapads. And they trusted him. This is why I’m using a very old commlink, too. One with no capability of projecting any hologram or with a small viewscreen. This datapad is my first proper device. It’s kind of slow and glitchy, but Gredda told me that there is an encryption system which used to be found on the R-e-p-u-b-l-i-c sound recording devices made before the Jedi had betrayed everybody, and that’s what makes it special. You can do what you want without your data being harvested. I have no idea how she knows this and I won’t ask.

    We have so many things to arrange for the funeral. Who is going to come, what are we going to eat in celebration of dad’s life etc. The whole collective of AARIS wants to show up, and that will require multiple shuttles, perhaps even a freighter. And, of course, mom is going grey bear mad about it. The idea of becoming a widow at 45 hasn’t quite caught up with her. Maybe it’s because grandpa Kambaas died in the assault on whatever planet was attacked thirteen years before the Empire and she never truly knew him. I don’t think we are cursed, but she thinks we are.

    On top of this, Porky is not returning my comms. I don’t even know where he is, for that matter! Is there a point of having a boyfriend? It comes down to the same thing as knowing how to pilot a speeder – other comrades and comradettes think you’re progressive and not a hazard to yourself and others.

    Okay, don’t obsess over a guy’s actions, don’t obsess over a guy’s actions…Tendra and Zana’s Empress! mag has that in every issue, because Human women are irrational and we cannot seem to remember things.

    I remember “Dear Qleebold”, that Karlina Yaihe romdram for younglings that Duchess Branna used to show us in the ta’sharr room in the basement of the House. It was the last one before the actress retired (she retired because she got married to some comrade with ugly moustache, how lame!). It was about a funny young comradette who could not find her place in p/u as it is. She wrote a diary in order to understand her own feelings better and repress them, to see how she does not fit in with the world and eventually, she became a well-adjusted red-shirt member of the progressive society. At the same time, she was breaking the wall, she spoke to the holocam and she was filming herself reading her own diary entries. In the end, she was feeling like a star of her own romdram, and she had all these Granno-sounding names for the actors supposedly playing her family and friends.

    Not sure if that was banned because there was a diary in it, or because it was also big on those R-e-p-u-b-l-i-c values. Then again, mom said that she would have banned it on the grounds of the diary having a name and the name being Qleebold. Then again, mom would ban many things, for reasons that don’t make sense. She is big on disliking stuff.

    Writing down my feelings, concerns and thoughts like this feels strange. I can totally see why it’s discouraged. But there is also something strangely pleasing about it. And knowing that there isn’t anything pleasing about, well, anything…


    Why would diaries be forbidden? Read my other stories and figure it out yourself...

    Official Registry is fanon. I did not elaborate on it yet, but the current idea is that it's bogus and made up to scare the denizens of the Sacorrian System.

    Dear Qleebold - vintage romdram staring Karlina Yaihe, later Karlina Trindello

    Empress! mag is obviously fanon. Think Cosmopolitan. May the Force help us all.

    Qleebold is a name Findswoman came up with when I asked her to come up with a goatawful SW name.
  5. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 18, 2008
    EP - superb start; what a terrifying framework, though ... Lil's fear over in your other 'fic is even more sharply delineated, here (creepy, creepy society those Sacorrians have ... [face_worried]).
  6. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Nov 22, 1999
    =D= This is an engaging start; Doria is an intriguing and complex character. Reading this forbidden diary, you can really sense her pain and confusion. What a lot of emotional trauma for a young girl-- not only to lose your father, but to feel that you don't fit in in a society that values conformity over all. It's no wonder that she turns to writing, discouraged as it is, as a way of coping with it all. It's a bit chilling that her model for the diary is a romance heroine who writes
    Reminds me a bit of Elsa's mantra in Frozen: "Conceal, don't feel." (Much as I am meh on the movie, the Youngling is in the target demographic:p)

    Even through her turmoil, we can see bits of a typical teenager in Doria-- her password (b4nth4p00d00 [face_laugh]), her complaint about Karlina Yaihe's "lame" husband.

    As a mom, I want to give Doria a hug, and tell her to dump her worthless tattletale of a boyfriend. Honey, if he can't answer your calls after your father just died, he is a sorry excuse for a Human, and you should can his porky butt! It's sad (but sadly familiar) that the messages she's getting from her friends, the media and society tell her she has to have a boyfriend and yet:
    . Yeah, kriff that!

    I look forward to Doria's future entries. I'm about halfway through the e-book of The Black Star and this is a fascinating and revealing look at Doria's younger self.
  7. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 30, 2005
    Wow. This is really good.

    I remember Doria from The Black Star. She had it tough there; now it's even worse for her. She can't even really grieve for the loss of her father as it would be unpatriotic.

    It's fascinating the levels of secrecy that Doria uses to hide the fact that she's keeping a diary. She recognizes that according to the government "we’re not allowed to chronicle our lives in a subjective way" and the only diary she seems familiar with is one in which the author wrote in it in order to "understand her own feelings better and repress them, to see how she does not fit in with the world and eventually, she became a well-adjusted red-shirt member of the progressive society." And yet Doria finds some measure of solace from her grief by writing.

    I'm looking forward to seeing where Doria heads from here. :)
  8. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    Woohoo, new EP diary! [face_dancing] And it gives every impression of being as epic and layered as last year's Letters Never Sent, though I can see we're in for something very different, in a way, and the narrator is very, very different indeed!

    I loved the framing device of the recording device in Letters, and I see this diary is going to have a super cool framing device too: a very Sacorrian computer with layers and layers of passcodes and secrecy and backdoors and menus to be sliced into, either intentionally or no. It's absolutely hilarious that what seems to be an angry random "keyboard splat" turns out to be the "datapad master serial"—or was it a random splat? She does have connections to accomplished slicers, after all. [face_thinking] More menus and layers—I can't help but be curious about the #4 "removed" menu item and what that may have been, so I'll file it away in my own mental "note-compartment" for now. And that's not where the layers stop, either, because then there's the "cover text" as a separate thing from the actual note-compartment—and what Doria adds in that field is so completely goofy and spurious and manifestly un-diary-ish that she no doubt has a reason for what she is doing (and woot, that technically makes this too another "two works in one" situation—kind of like The Light Is Me, I Am the Light, only different, of course!).

    We find that reason out very soon: diary keeping is illegal on her homeworld, because it's about keeping track of feelings and subjectivity and personal thoughts, which are of course eminently Unprogressive.™ But with her dad's death Doria has experienced an emotional trauma so great that subjectivity and personal expression is a necessity almost on the level of air and water. And no "official registry" could possibly take the place of that. One gets a real sense that Doria is absolutely desperate to express her thoughts and feelings to someone, but can't turn to any of her usual friends and loved ones (and gosh, that Porky sounds like a real piece of work—answer her comms, you big doofus!). In order to do so she's had to turn to diary-writing à la Dear Qleebold (a familiar name! ;) ) and to this device—this cast-off, hand-me-down device that I somehow am guessing has a story of its own. [face_thinking]

    And of course through it all she maintains the characteristic snark that we know and love from The Black Star ("If I write that for the second time, will it hurt less?" and of course that password :p ). I have to admit that that aspect of DOria was a bit offputting to me the very, very first time I read The Black Star—the character seemed kind of "all snark all the time" in a way that was hard for me to relate to*—but this diary is starting to show us that that's not all she is, and that indeed there are some real true-blue depths of pathos and feeling underneath the clever cynicism. I look forward to seeing how the act of writing this "diary that does not exist" will tap further into those depths. :cool:

    *Again, I emphasize that I am talking only about the very, very first impression I had of Doria, the very, very first time I read TBS. Even within TBS it doesn't take too long before she shows herself to have many other facets. And anyone who's friends with Gredda can't be bad, no ma'am-ee! :D
    Kurisan, Kahara and Ewok Poet like this.
  9. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Thank you for the encouragement, everybody. :)

    It's only about to get creepier as we go on...

    That mantra would work well for Doria here, she's absolutely "in the loop", just like Elsa herself was. And I probably need to get off my rear and actually watch that film.

    As for complexity, check what I have said to Finds further on.

    That password is - in a way - also a nod to people who enjoy toilet humour. You know, cool folks like you and me. ;)

    As far as the "lame" husband goes, calling him that was not very wise on Doria's behalf, and later on you will see why - whether it's in this or some other story, so it's GOOD that her diary is encrypted.


    I loved the porky butt part. Made me think of...


    ...pork butts and taters! :D

    Can't wait to see what you think of The Black Star! :) And how different the Doria there is from Doria here.



    That diary may or may not serve to whitewash the whole idea of diaries, because...[face_whistling]

    It will be a wild ride. And, eventually, we get the character you saw back when you read The Black Star.

    There are similarities, there are'll see. :D

    Yes, it is the actual "datapad master serial", it's not a random splat. The connection, obviously Gredda, was the one slicing the datapad for Doria's use.

    Spoiler for those who did not finish Letters Never Sent

    Gredda might have as well learned some of her skills when she sliced Lil/Dyeke's audio recording device as a kid.

    There was supposed to be a picture, too; but I didn't finish it on time. I'm not saying that I won't add it later, buuut...

    And yes, it's meant to sound like the stupidest thing ever written.

    Subjectivity is an issue in a Progressive™ world, of course. The fact that Doria resorts to breaking law says a lot about her despair, but also about what kind of folks she hangs out with and how effective the system actually is at this point in time.

    Porky aka Pork Butt (see above) will be elaborated on further.

    And thanks for supplying me with that awful, hard-to-pronounce name. I love it. :D Ironically, by serving her own audience, Doria might or might not make things worse for herself.

    If so, then I'd say that I did a very good job! Doria is meant to be repulsive at the very start of The Black Star. One of those "everything sucks, please understand me" characters, who initially appear like they're deliberately hurting others. She initially appears one-dimensional and then, she's like an onion or something...the more layers you peel, the more bitter, for a good reason, she is. But also fresher and more real.
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  10. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
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    [01] People Who Never See You

    It’s events like this that make me wonder how many people would have attended the funeral if it had been me. Maybe my class group would – to pull one last prank on me, just like that time when they voted me the President of the Class, knowing that I had no authority. Since this was for my dad, whom they liked for whatever reason – especially when he was bullying me along with them – they all came around with this huge wreath of Sacorrian Irises, apparently straight from Curheg. Jan Katisver was carrying it and he burst into laughter when we boarded the shuttle. He kept on pointing at orbital satellites we passed by and saying that they were incredibly funny. This was like a slap on my face – he was always kinder than, say, Dak Gauree. He never called me ugly.

    Yeah, Dak. The fact that he was here in the first place surprised me – maybe he came along only because of Tendra, to see her wear black or something. At least he didn’t insult me or any of my body parts this time.

    Unlike him, Porky did not make it back from Vagran. Aunt Larax didn’t make it, either. At least she holocommed us, I guess? The new Vagran spaceport in Anaslinea-Hoc was “beyond its capacity”. I tried to find that place on a holomap and it looked like grain fly poodoo a finger away from Abatore. I mean, fine. A random place nobody ever heard of kriffs with my life and doesn’t want my great aunt and my boyfriend to be with me in these hard times. Okay. Kriff you, too, place! Kriff you!

    The head of AARIS waited for us near the plot #23041940 in the section 49-D and couldn’t recognise us first. Apparently, dad described mom as a lookalike of a couple of different holofilm actresses and from what he shared about me, most people thought I was a boy. An apology followed, next to the comment that women of non-flashy beauty and young comradettes are as progressive as divas and young comrades. Don’t these people in these, you know, important positions, ever get tired of nonsensical flattery?

    And then we all gathered around the plot, waiting for the black droids to bring the coffin. We were asked if we wanted to see the corpse, both mom and I said no before the droid with the red progress symbol on its chest could even finish a sentence.

    At this point, the head of AARIS seemed bored. One could see that he was present solely because it was his duty. He started saying something that sounded like…


    Each time he would mention dad’s name in correlation to the word “servant”, I would mutter a silent “kriff” between my teeth, standing there next to my mom, Aunt Iris and great uncle Geo. And since I was not present at grandma’s funeral, I kind of wondered if it always goes like this, or are the ceremonies like this one reserved only for the oh so progressive members of the progressive society whose progressiveness needs to be mentioned in every single progressive sentence.

    Glad that it was cold enough on Sarcophagus so I could have a scarf over my mouth, just in case somebody could read my lips. And, at this point, I was kind of sure that nothing will go wrong. Each single person passed by us, shaking hands with Aunt Iris, mom and I – how did they know that Geo was not related to dad, anyway, did somebody give them all a manual – and in some cases, they would kiss mom and me on the cheek. Three times, one for each member of the Sacorrian Triad, of course. Dak Gauree somehow didn’t shake my hand, and, as a matter of a fact, he stuck his finger in his pocket, pulled out what seemed to be a snotty hankie, blew his nose and grinned. So, he did have an idea on how to make me feel worse at my dad’s funeral, after all.

    What I also noticed is that many of these people seemed a bit too eager to comfort mom. Some of them claimed they went to basic school with dad, some of them said that they lived in the same area of SouthSacc as he and that he was so fun back in the days. But yeah, they couldn’t keep their hands off mom. I know that people were in love with her back in the days, I know that grandma and dad did not allow her to go to the audition for that propaganda movie because grandma thought it was not in line with her morals and dad was jealous…but couldn’t they wait until dad was buried to express their advances?

    There were also some people who didn’t even say who they were and I’m pretty sure I have not seen them before.

    But things were still not going wrong.

    The black droids were supposed to lay dad’s coffin in the plot next. But instead of that, they started talking to each other. One of them asked the other “what did it break of” and “what was the accident like”. The one with the red symbol responded and…I swear the bloody can of scrap pointed to the coffin.

    “I think it was faulty repulsors. They just failed on the left side and they could not be fixed.”

    I was…confused. And since they were pretty loud, I noticed that the other mourners stopped talking.

    One of the droids then came up to me and referred to me as “a remake of the model”. It grabbed my right arm, lifted it up, got its face into my eyes and then stuck a finger into my left ear. I was petrified, I could not even scream. Then it lifted me and made an assessment about how “the whole series should have been withdrawn from the market because of this particular defect.”

    Mom crossed her arms on her chest and asked me why I am not respecting my family. I could not say a word, and some people – Dak was among them, of course – started laughing.

    Luckily, Gredda figured out what was going on. She approached the droid holding me and sneakily deactivated it. It then dropped me centimetres away from the plot. Gredda went on to deactivate the other three droids and then she explained what happened, giving a side-eye to the head of AARIS.

    “I know that there is some symbolism and a progressive value in using the droids decommissioned from the Saygo Refurbishing Unit at the ProSper Factory in Curheg here on Sarcophagus, but seriously, they should be reprogrammed beforehand! I’m pretty sure that they wanted to put young comradette Vorr apart for spare parts.”

    Nobody laughed anymore. The only present non-droid graveyard worker, Somebody Something Shykrill commed the Control Center to send over a new quartet of droids, this time they were the plain protocol ones. Gredda knew what to do in the meantime – she delivered a touching speech on behalf of the entire collective, about how dad was a pillar of the progressive society and her mentor back when she started working at AARIS. She put more emphasis on him as somebody who brought out the best in others, somebody who enjoyed mentoring his subordinates and cooking gourmet dishes for workers at every single opportunity, than on his “servant to the Sacorrian Triad” stint. And she got an applause. I could feel mom hold my hand tightly. Maybe she has emotions under that fluffy maroon ‘do after all.

    After the new, clumsy, but polite droids finally buried the coffin, a couple of being approached us and asked if we had planned a progmem at our home. Mom looked at more than two hundred beings present and she was close to a system shutdown. I kind of got that, our place would be way too small for that amount of comrades and comradettes who wanted to pay a tribute to dad by, err, eating and drinking.

    Luckily, Duchess Branna came to our rescue and allowed us to hold the progmem at her spacious back yard. She made it sure that we don’t have to pay for anything, either – she named a couple of things that dad did for her in the past and said that she owed him that much. What the kriff? They never agreed on anything. Why did she lie? I don’t get this. She also ordered lots of food from the best possible catering service in NorSacc and said that she will take care of the cost and that we should not repay her in any way. Mom wanted to protest, but I reminded her of how Drall clan heads help the progressive society.

    And, by Sacor, the beings ate, drunk and at some point, started singing dad’s favourite songs. Tendra was gone the moment she saw Dak looking a bit too tipsy, shook my hand and told me to comm her if I needed somebody to talk to. Yeah, formal as ever, that girl.

    Once everything was done, there was no single tray with finger-food left. I’m pretty positive that those beings whom I have never seen before have crashed the progmem or something, just so they could eat something nice. I don’t dare mention that around pretty much any of the R’vanye, they would call me cynical.

    It will be really, really hard to go back to school after all this. And mom didn’t take long to remind me that I should wake up early, that I need to leave a good impression and that we should not be crying, because when you cry, your eyes look as if you had been up all night, partying. My guess is that she has never been to a party, if she can’t tell the difference.

    Then again, neither can I. I just know that there is difference.


    #23041940, the plot number, is a tribute to my dad. That was his birthdate. April 23rd, 1940.

    Sacorrian funeral and mourning customs will be added to the fanon post on the planet, soon. They’re a mix of, well, everything and anything.

    Somebody Something Shykrill was inspired by Findswoman ’s “Somebody Someone Something Antilles” from her story, Commence Orbital Bombardment!

    Progmem stands for “Progressive Memorial Meal for the Departed”. Of course that it’s much easier to remember. Abbreviations are progressive, after all.
  11. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 18, 2008
    Oh, ugh. It's like Doria can't catch a break ... those droids, alone, are miserable. :oops:

    And her mother! :mad: Can we say "slap-this-social-climbing-troll" any louder? Parents who throw their children under the "keeping-up-appearances" bus need to be called out, publicly, and shamed as they like to shame others. [face_not_talking]

    Sorry. Excellent work, as always, Ewok Poet. :)
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  12. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    Yoicks, what an awkward situation. :( As if things aren't rough enough on Doria and her family just due to the loss of her dad. The friends loved ones that are there are insensitive and awkward; the ones Doria wishes could have been there were prevented from coming by annoying, Heathrow-Terminal-Five-worthy travel complications. This AARIS head person sounds like the Corellian sector's premiere smarmball, if not the Galaxy's; instead of sincere words of sympathy, he offers inane, nonsensical flattery about women of non-flashy beauty—and on top of that her mother is scolding her for not just smiling and taking it? The heck?! Onderon1 is right—"slap-this-social-climbing-troll" really sums it up for Maris at this moment. [face_mad] (Though—I am thinking too that this kind of behavior, along with the business about crying at the end, is her own immensely ham-handed way of trying to deal with her own grief.)

    Then Mr. AARISPants goes on to deliver the most stilted, fake "official" eulogy ever, with its tiresome "SERVANT ELESANDRE GLORY SACORRIAN TRIAD" business on and on and on and on. I don't blame Doria for swearing to herself each time she heard that, and I am sure this is one of many things that is slowly but surely contributing to her disillusionment with her homeworld.

    And what is the deal with these bizarrely behaved and clearly misprogrammed droids? Right, "recommissioned from the Saygo Refurbishing Unit," yadda yadda yadda, I get it—but sticking a finger into Doria's EAR?! What in the name of San Hill does it think it's doing?! :eek: And really, those kind of comments on the "defects" of family members at a funeral would be unacceptable even if they weren't in this HK-47-worthy "remake of the model" droid talk. One would think even the lowliest speeder-refurbishing droid would know better—but this. Is. Sacorria, of course.

    Thank Sacor for Gredda, though! I already love her from The Black Star, but I love her even more now that I know of the role she played in basically saving this extremely important event in Doria's life from degenerating into utter ridiculousness and bathos. Not only does she take those obnoxious droids out of commission, but her remembrance of Elesandre is the absolute real thing. The applause is encouraging, because it shows that those present—Maris and others—have some better sensibilities lurking within.

    Kudos to Duchess Branna too for her generous offer of her grounds for the progmem (which I'm guessing is a "progressive memorial" wake type thing and will eventually be defined in the endnotes). This passing mention of "a couple of things that dad did for her in the past" of course made me perk up, because they are no doubt related to the handover of Dyeke's recording device at the very end of the epilogue to Letters Never Sent, which of course there's no reason for Doria to know about at this point.

    "We should not be crying, because when you cry, your eyes look as if you had been up all night, partying"—ugh, that is such typical Maris. Doria's right—I suppose someone like Maris wouldn't know true, sincere emotion if it walked up and yanked her by the "fluffy maroon 'do." :rolleyes: Doria is still learning the difference herself, perhaps—but she's at least admitting it. And I'd say that she's made some good progress even since entry 00! :)
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  13. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 30, 2005
    Poor Doria. She cannot catch a break here. It's bad enough that her dad died and she has to endure the funeral, but to have the people from school come over just so they can have a laugh at her expense and maybe see how hot Tendra looks in black - seriously??
    then the "eulogy" - so weirdly formal without being personal at all. But so PROGRESSIVE!! The thing with the droids is surreal. I had never thought of gravedigger droids but holy SayGo that works. Of course nobody reprogrammed them. This is Saccoria.

    But there are unexpected lights - like how Duchess Branna steps up to offer her home as a place for the memorial meal. And how Doria sees her mother have some actual emotional response.

    The title is sad - "The People who Never See You" - at her own Dad's funeral, so many people came to hit on her mother, check out Tendra, bum a free meal. It seems only Doria actually feels something, but then at the end she's told to not let on that she was crying. Not because it was a reference to the grief she feels, but because someone might get the wrong impression that she had been out partying. :rolleyes:
  14. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Nov 22, 1999
    Poor Doria indeed! This has to be without a doubt the worst combination of experiences anyone could ever have at a loved one's funeral. Her "friends" are a real treat, aren't they, bringing a bouquet of hallucinogenic irises. Tendra leaves the moment things become inconvenient, Dak trolls her in the receiving line, and Porky Pork Butts doesn't make it at all...because traffic.
    This was almost funny, in a dark, tragic kind of way. Everything is stacked against Doria...even random podunk towns. Kriff you, universe, and fate...

    Her dad's boss and co-workers are definitely "people who never see you"...or see anyone beyond what they can do for them. That eulogy was probably straight from the company handbook. And the refurbished Saygo droids :eek:...again, the sequence wa almost funny in a morbid way, but for Doria it had to be the icing on a poodoo cake. How horrible to have her dad compared to faulty machinery and then be accosted by a malfunctioning droid intent on recycling her for scrap.

    Thank goodness for Gredda and Duchess R'vanye. The Drall are kinder and more humane than the Humans in this story. Bless Gredda for giving a speech that remembered Elisandre as a person and not a cog in the progressive wheel, and bless the Duchess for providing the funeral meal. At least Doria has a couple of true friends.

    Once again, your portrayal is illuminating and heart-breaking at the same time. You really have the knack of creating characters that your readers can care about an empathize with. [face_love] I look forward to reading more of Doria's journal.
  15. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Thanks for all the wonderful comments. <3

    Since I planned entries every ten days and the second was slightly late, the third one is a bit late, too, but I will try and come up with a proper schedule by the time the fourth one is due. The "S" word and I aren't the best of friends. And don't worry, this DDC is a ten-day one, not a weekly one. The story simply isn't that long, since it only covers a year in Doria's life. So, I hope you will all stick along.

    Also, for those of you who didn't see it, I have another DDC - and the character happens to be a Doria as well. That one is just an experiment, we'll see how it goes.

    Re: Maris' behaviour

    Maris is not a social climber type at all. On the contrary, she would probably be the one to mess things up and be proud for being "tough" or whatever.

    Onderon1 - In The Black Star, Maris blames Doria for all kinds of absolutely-impossible-to-blame-your-daughter-for type of things.

    Re: The droids

    The droids sequence was meant to be morbid-but-funny. Sacorrian "progressive" ways range from those that make some sense - like using the stairs when descending in order to exercise - to nonsensical stuff where droids are re-purposed, but not refurbished. I mean, the droids think they arrived to a junkyard, that Elesandre was a decommissioned speeder and that Doria is...scrap metal?!

    Also, LOL @ Findswoman 's "What the San Hill" - that was EXCELLENT. Took me a while to notice it, but when I did...PMSL.

    The AARIS head honcho dude:

    That last comment was so real that I just nodded to it. I guess that it fits.

    Mr. AARISPants (taking that, too - it's awesome!) is indeed so PROGRESSIVE!!! because he KNOWS NOT TO SINGLE ANYBODY OUT...

    ...unless it's the Sacorrian Triad, of course, given that the eulogy is about them more than it is about Elesandre.

    Re: "friends"

    I got the entry title from a wonderful song, "Leap Your Bar" by John Frusciante.

    Lyrics and the song in spoiler...

    Hannah go leap your bar
    This is how right you are
    I'm in a way it seems
    people are cold and mean
    In the valleys [sic] noon
    the things that i can find
    Nothing simple soon
    This stitches I can time
    I was so bad
    Endless the weeds you blink
    Nothing's for sure to sink
    I closed an open door
    what is the world good for
    The beloved cars that went to where they went
    did they actually go or were they really sent
    Life is so sad
    Hannah go fill your jar
    This isn't right
    you are
    When does the whole of to become infinity
    Headed for the moon
    the mission I can buy
    Forever in a line
    The friends who walk right by and never see you
    I never see you

    ...and now that I quoted it, I see that there's a reference to a moon, too. And Sarcophagus is, well, a graveyard moon. This is where Kahara would mention synchronicity and another friend would mention intertexuality, I guess...I'm quite surprised that other writers' work is in my subconscious to the extent where I do these things. WHOA.

    Dak Gauree is the Annoying Person in This Diary. His fate in The Black Star is...different. And it's not meant to be karmic, though his callowness sure contributes to it. And his UST with Tendra is definitely meant to be super-annoying.

    Jan Katisver probably had no idea about the secret of the hallucinogenic flowers. He's the type that doesn't think of his actions all that much.

    The free meal thing - I swear that it happens at many gatherings here. There are people who are into anything for free food and/or booze.

    And *snort* ... Porky Pork Butts. :D :D

    Re: Gredda and Duchess Branna of R'vanye

    Gredda is a smart cookie in so many ways - Elesandre was her mentor and given how far she went in her career given that she's pretty young, he taught her well. And she is not the type to forget it.

    Duchess Branna has a long history with Maris, Elesandre and the generation before them.

    On top of this, they both like Doria a lot and being in touch with their emotions more than your average Sacorrian, despite not exactly being the kind of beings *ruled* by their emotions the way Doria and Maris both are when under stress.

    And yup, "progmem" would be a memorial meal, I did not add the footnotes yet. EVEN THAT HAS THE WORD PROGRESS IN IT. Progressive Memorial Dinner aka PROGMEM.

    Further on Branna and Gredda...

    The idea is that she never received it. Remember, Charon wonders if he should show it to her or not in the end.

    On Doria and Maris' emotions...

    Both Doria and Maris are quite unusual folk. While Doria is consumed by her emotions and advised to repress them, the same routine has been pretty much Maris' life. But yes, Maris is not a robot, either. She does not have healthy ways of dealing with any sort of an emotion and in a "true" Sacorrian way, her "rationalisations" are ridiculous. She is not the kind of a person who can comfort her own daughter, either - which is terribly sad. This also means that she cannot comfort herself, to make things even worse. Her long-term reaction to her husband's death can only get stranger from this point on.


    I am not saying that the place will be important and that it's all over my universe, buuuut...

    Thank you so much. Given that Doria is an emotionally repressed teenager and that her response to things is inappropriate in BOTH the Sacorrian setting and a mature real world setting, I was afraid that she could be hard to empathise with. I'm glad that this is not the case. She is a teenager and she is acting like a teenager, and on top of it, I never said that she wasn't weird. ;)

    Off to the next entry...
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  16. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
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    [02] The Lost Last Week of Summer Vacation

    The last week before school was…well, nothing worth remembering. Maybe that’s why I logged all of it?

    One thing that has been bothering me is that it hasn’t rained for one single day since dad died. From the very first day after his life ended, it has been sunny outside, I could hear the younglings play, but I found it hard to even move, let alone go out. Suddenly, our home is so, so silent. Dad’s voice had this power of…literally ripping through the durasteel, he always played the podraces and limmie games – especially when his favourite duo, Code:Blue and Code:Red played – at the loudest volume possible. I dare not think what would’ve happened hadn’t we been living on the top floor of the last NorSacc apartment building. This silence makes me uneasy and I don’t even know how to describe it. I have never noticed it before, but mom is so quiet!

    I made a decision not to go out before the first day of school at all.

    Gredda, however, was not buying this. She said that the sunny days will soon give way to the annoying rain of the beginning of the school year and that she will dedicate the whole kriffin’ week to getting me out of bed. I am not sure if that was a challenge to accept, but in a way, I accepted the challenge.

    She tried to get me out of the bed on the Titaniday, it didn’t work, I just turned around and fell asleep again, my head on this datapad. Mom made a passing comment about how I don’t need her anymore now that I finally have a datapad and that she is all alone in the world. I reminded her that Aunt Iris often calls her “my sister”, I reminded her that great uncle Geo is alive and that Great Aunt Larax is a mere hyperspace jump away. I kind of wanted to explain her the truth, to tell her how I feel, but since she went on and on about her “terrible destiny”, I didn’t even know where to start. What terrible destiny? You have a great job, you could remarry without permission as per point 3.14 of the Book of Law’s chapter Progressive Families and we will be receiving the amount of Imperial Credits equivalent to dad’s last salary until I have finished University, since there is no man left in the household. What is there to worry about, what?

    Anyway, I did not get up, so I guess I won. Yay. I searched SacorNet for a bit, under the duvet and I found out that Jax didn’t finish yet another podrace, the one that they did not want to show here - the Great Sea of Belasco 500. The other one they never show is the Xyquine II one. My theory is that these two planets have some forms of hierarchy that is not progressive. I dunno, a monarchy? I tried to communicate this to both mom and dad last year, but dad called me a complete wermo and mom told me not to focus on nonsense. The next race is something they’re trying for the first time this year: Corfai Taiga Gillad Novo Memorial Run. He’d better win that one, I mean, Corfai is his home planet! The race is named after his father, who died at the Nuba City PharmaCorp Classic, the stakes are high! And if he gets on the podium, then I’ll have a chance to see him all cute and nice and I don’t know.

    Gredda attempted to get me out of my room again on Levithaday. She brought Ebe along and he started jumping around singing that Pretty Dadanna song, “Shut Your Mouth and Jive”. I pulled the duvet over my head, told him to kriff off to the korrak land, but then he started tickling me. I…had this sudden need to run to the ‘fresher. I screamed, got up, stepped on a piece of BYBLO and it felt like the kriffin’ thing got right into my foot.

    Mom had a comment about that – I scream like a nerf and I still play with something I should have left behind long ago, which makes me “mentally five years old”. Thanks, mom. If nothing else, her rant about my immaturity got me outside. We ran down the stairs – Gredda, Ebe and I – and attempted to play grav-ball on the communal court for our apartment building. Now, that was funny. Gredda is pretty tall for a Drall, 132 cm, but Ebe is still small and I have never been that good at physical education. I think I managed to hit the hoop once…just once. That’s still more than what it used to be like when Zana and I played it with our class back in the basic school days.

    I came back home all sweaty, red in my face and laughing. Mom frowned upon that, she said that I should not have been laughing for two months after my father’s death. That doesn’t explain why she was watching the The Saamans – Your Favourite Nolerian Family.

    Arcadiaday was a bit different. I stayed in with Ebe – Gredda was working overtime again – and I told him that we should not be laughing too much. He understood that. We recreated the Battle of Priga with BYBLOs and he’s going to write about it in his essay about how he spent the summer vacation. He was quite worried that he had nothing progressive and educational enough to show, but with holos and a log of this, he’ll prove his red shirt in no time. Mom checked on us a couple of times, she brought us dustcornmeal and bantha lard savoury pastry and kissed me on the forehead, saying that I’m a good daughter. Okay.

    Finally, Porky came for a visit on Slagday, when mom was in Dorthus Tal City for the weekly inspection of the Cobble Stone Square for possible antiquities. It’s odd that he always comes around when she’s not here, yet he comes unannounced. How does he know that she is not around, anyway?

    I asked him why he could not make it for the funeral, but he explained to me that being the son of Admiral Roko Porkley is hard and that he had important things to do. He was not exactly just basking on the beach at the Young Imperial Resort at the Estainia Hunting Grounds, he said. He was overwhelmed by the matters of Imperial defense against the Rebels that his mother and her colleagues had been discussing ever since the Battle of Yavin. His parents had to remove him from the bleak reality as it is for a while.

    It turned out that he had no idea about my father’s passing before Jan mentioned it to him this morning. He did not bring me a blackgrain, but he said that he was going to accompany me on one of the next pilgrimages to Sacrophagus, for as long as I am only going to dad’s grave and not grandma’s. I don’t even know how to break that to mom, and I told him so. His explanation was that Yola’s death took place before he asked me to be his date at the Harvest Hop and that he does not feel connected to it. I wanted to tell him that she, Yola Inesedam, was the only Human adult who ever understood me, but he would tell me that I’m crying over spilled bantha milk.

    And I cannot show more weakness than this. He is telling me that I’m being an exceptionally weak comradette. Had he been in a position in the educational system, had he been Minister of Education, he would have stripped me off the orange shirt, for all the unprogressive weaknesses I’ve been displaying recently. He said that with a strange tone in his voice, as if he really, really wanted to do so. And he was grinning. I am not sure why my boyfriend is such a sadist sometimes, but I will prove to him that I am worthy of the orange shirt that I’m wearing!

    He also said that “parents die and that we have to get used to that”. I reminded him that both Comradette Gladiola and Comrade Roko are very much alive and then he went on a long rant about how his father could die in a heroic battle every minute – for the shared values of both the Galactic Empire and p/u.

    My future is bright, he thinks. I am going to go to a place like the Saccorata Tech or the Dorthus Tal University. If I decide to do the latter, his parents said that he should marry me and that would grant us a starter apartment. He added that there are no restrictions on how many children a family can have over there, no population control like here in Saccorata.

    For some reason, this does not make me hopeful.

    On top of it, he said that dad would have loved to see me with him and that he would have been proud that we remained together despite all the difficulties. What difficulties?


    The Sacorrian weekdays were named after the celestial bodies in the planetary system. They were mentioned in my fanon entry on the planet.

    Korrak is a predatory reptilian native to Sacorria and a common lesser-degree insult usually directed at younglings in my fanon.

    BYBLO is an in-universe equivalent of LEGO, made on the Imperial fortress world of Byblos. Cyriously, Yilda Lami is from that planet, too.

    Grav-ball is similar to basketball.

    Gredda's height is an oddly specific number. Let's say that this may matter in a latter story.

    The Saamans – Your Favourite Nolerian Family were previously mentioned in The Black Star. Try to imagine a Sacorrian, "progressive" take on The Simpsons.

    Dustcornmeal is, well, meal made of dust corn. Dust corn floor. Fanon.

    Bantha lard savoury pastry is something I based on cuisine of many Balkans countries, where using pork lard for cooking is perfectly normal. There are even cookies using pork lard (vanilice) and dessert pastries with pork fat (salčići). Fanon.

    Battle of Priga is fanon and official account of it is different from the Sacorria-friendly account of it. More about that sometime later. Fanon.

    Estainia Hunting Grounds on Vagran are at least Legends-canon, since they appear in Suns of Fortune. Of course, the Wook doesn't have pages on half of the things in that book.

    Young Imperial Resort was made up on spot. Fanon.

    Great Sea of Belasco 500 was inspired by Indy 500.

    Corfai Taiga Gillad Novo Memorial Run was inspired by the Formula One Canadian Grand Prix being held on Circuit Gilles Villeneuve.

    The Nuba City PharmaCorp Classic race where Gillad Novo died at the wheel of his pod was described by my last year’s diarist, Lil, in Entry 31.

    Minister of Education, Saride, is referenced in the said diary as well as Midday Darkness / The Light Is Me, I Am The Light, where he wasn’t a minister.

    I hope Porky’s innuendos came through. Huh-huh, she said “came”.
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2017
  17. Kahara

    Kahara Chosen One star 4

    Mar 3, 2001
    Wow, Porky is a keeper isn't he? :rolleyes: I understand why he is never mentioned (or at least not often enough that I remember seeing his name) by Doria a year or so later. What a manipulative creep. :( Dude sounds like he learned all his empathy and social skills from a pickup artist manual.

    Also noticed that Doria begins this chapter by literally stepping on a LEGO equivalent. :p She really can't catch a break here.
  18. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 18, 2008
    :oops:Yeah, Porky - thanks a lot for nothing. :rolleyes:

    Ewok Poet, you have a remarkable gift for getting inside characters' heads while simultaneously world-building. I'd be hard-pressed to do both at the same time - kudos. =D=:)
  19. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Nov 22, 1999
    Another moving entry =D=

    It seems to me that Doria and Maris are talking past each other; neither one of them is really talking to the other one about how Elesandre's death is really affecting them. Maris is picking on silly things like Doria "screaming like a nerf" and playing with BYBLOs (and I love that Legos exist in your GFFA. I may have to borrow this :) ) Meanwhile, Doria doesn't see what Maris has to worry about, though she has lost her husband as much as Doria has lost her father. The house must seem equally lonely and quiet to her, and perhaps that is why she is taking refuge in happy sitcom families. If only they could get past the restrictions that have been set around their emotions, both Sacorrian "progressive" notions and self-imposed rules.... If only...:(

    Once again, thank goodness for Gredda, who seems to know what Doria needs, even if she doesn't. The image of a young Drall singing pop songs made me smile, but tickling....that's not fair! The GFFA Legos seem just as lethal as ours; I can sympathize with Doria. It's good that once they get Doria moving she's able to have some fun despite everything, and later to help Ebe with his project. This bit of progressiveness finally earns a bit of approval from Maris; dustcorn cake and kiss proving that she does indeed have emotions underneath the fluffy maroon 'do. It's a sweet gesture, but a little sad that Doria doesn't quite know what to make of it.

    And then there's Porky...oh, what can I say about him except DUMP HIS PORKY BUTT NOW! Wow, what a horrible excuse for a human being he is. :p
    What a special, delicate little snowflake he is! Life is so hard when it's all about you! :mad: I love (and by "love", I mean "hate") how he has Doria's future planned out for her, without any regard to what she might have to say about anything. Once again, it's so sad and frustrating that Doria's "friends" don't see or appreciate her for who she is, only what they think she should be.

    I will second @Onderon1's comment about your fantastic ability to build compelling characters and a detailed world simultaneously=D= =D= =D=
  20. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 30, 2005
    :( Oh, Doria. Isn't there anyone who can be on her side? Her mom still seems to care far more about what others will think than about what Doria should feel. To tell her that it's inappropriate to laugh when her father's been dead for less than two months - well whose business is it of yours? And to tell her she's got the maturity of a five year old? (Love the legos reference. Those suckers hurt when you step on them!) At least Gredda and Ebe are doing their best to get Doria up and out. If she just stays there, then she will be so overcome with sadness, like in the beginning of the post, when she talks about how quiet it is without her father's voice in the house. =((

    And as for Porky - He is so selfish.
    [face_beatup] All he thinks about is himself. She's right, he is sadistic. How in the heck do you not know your girlfriend's father died? And then to not put her needs first in this terrible time? Dump the jerk.
  21. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    Gosh, Doria can't catch a break at all. :( I don't blame her for wanting to hole up in the weeks after her father's funeral, even with the sunny weather that must have felt like the elements' way of making fun of her grief. Though at the same time I very much applaud Gredda's (and Ebe's—dear li'l Ebe! [face_love] ) efforts to get her out of her blue funk and into the sunshine! And it looks as though it was at least partly successful, BYBLO foot crunch notwithstanding (I bet that hurt, though! :oops: ) Despite what one might call the logistical difficulties attendant upon their grav-ball game, it looks like it was more or less fun and did Doria some good—and if serious Doria came back from it laughing so hard that she was red in the face, that says something! Hooray for such moments, I say. :)

    But then to get back inside and have her mother scold her for her mirth in that unnecessary, petty way... just ouch. :( It seems that Maris can't stand the idea of anyone dealing with grief in ways that are different from her own way. Never mind, though, that (a) her own preferred method of dealing with grief appears to be taking out her frustrations and anger on her daughter in various unnecessary and petty ways (if Legos can be enjoyed by adults in this galaxy, certainly BYBLOs can in the GFFA); and (b) if she's watching a sitcom, at least one of her other methods isn't really all that different from what her daughter is doing. The thing is, though—I can totally see "no laughter for two months after someone's death" being a real rule on Sacorria. Is that why Doria cautions Ebe not to laugh too much during their next get-together? Or is it just to keep her mom off her case? (Either are understandable, and it looks like Ebe is picking up on things. I'll watch his later career with great interest... :D ) Whichever it is, it's no wonder that Maris's little act with the dustcorn pastry and the kiss feels fake.

    And then Porky "The Porkster" McPorkButts... sorry, I mean Porky Porkley... finally decides to come on the scene. :rolleyes: Oh man, what can I say that the previous readers haven't already said... this fellow is baaaad news. The lame excuses, the self-important tone, the total lack of compassion (sorry, dude, "parents die and we have to get used to that" is not somethnig you say to someone who has lost a parent), the way he MAKES SURE to exercise his SACOR-GIVEN RIGHT to scold her for being an "exceptionally weak comradette" (also not something you say to someone grieving), and then turns right around and gabs on about their p/u-tiful future together—a future, as Raissa Baiard says, that Doria herself apparently has no say in... just pee-eew. [face_frustrated] (P-U-N!)

    We've seen already that Doria's starting to see a lot of things about her homeworld and the people on it for what they really are... is this the point where she'll start seeing the same about the Porkster and initiate the process of dropping him like a hot topato? I sure hope so! :p
  22. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Thank you all for your wonderful comments and for putting up with an angsty, teenage Doria. :)

    Re: Porky

    He would probably think he's got fans among you. BTW, you all have funny nostrils, some of you are fat and some whine a lot. :eek:

    (See what I did there?)

    Yup, Porky's primary mode of communication is negging, second self-obsession. He is not capable - or, even worse, does not want to give condolences, show some basic human decency and, on top of it, he had a whole plan of getting some that backfired and he's angry. His whole shtick was "of course that a girl so repugnant will be my girlfriend, because it's not like anybody will ever like her" and that also...says a lot about how desirable *he* is. But, while he cannot get canoodling etc, especially not in this kind of a situation, he has most likely convinced Doria that he is her destiny or whatever. IT'S HER SACOR-GIVEN RIGHT (love that and the pee-ew puns) TO BE HIS DESTINY. AND SUCH A PRIVILEGE, TOO.

    Re: Doria and Maris

    Maris does not mean to be fake - she goes from one mood to next and tries to hide her lack of anything even remotely resembling stability with being "tough".

    Her visions of what is for younglings and what is for adults are clouded - her mother was a very strict person, her aunt (whom you can see from the December chapters in this and this story) is a bit of a quirky airhead type and an eccentric. Maris.can't.grasp.balance.

    And while watching stuff on the viewscreen IS her coping mode, she would most likely be happier if Doria had chosen the same mode, because it's what SHE considers to be valid.

    Re: Gredda & Ebe

    The weather thing is a nod to a story some of you have read and some others didn't - my first fic on this board, Snowed In. At the end of chapter 03, Teebo thinks the Sistermoon is laughing at him. And since there are some similarities between these two characters, as well as to a couple of others, they're bond to see certain things the same way.

    Gredda might not be a touchy-feely type (which is more or less expected of her), but she knows how to make things right and make the pain go away, at least for a bit. And Ebe is just like any other kid of his age - slightly mischievous, but well-meaning.

    I might come up with lyrics for some Dadanna songs, but they will be cheesy. :p

    The grav-ball game was fun BECAUSE they're all more or less too short to play.

    Maris does have emotions, but even in a "normal" state, she'd not have a filter and be into "tough love".

    Re: BYBLOs aka LEGOs

    Well, whatdoyaknow, this product is popular. :p You're all welcome to use it, they're called BYBLO because they come from the planet Byblos, just like the lovely publication that is Lightyear Holo and its wonderful supplement Juicy Blabber. :D

    And yes, just like the furniture that wants our pinky toes dead, so do building bricks! DON'T TRUST THEM.

    Re: Et cetera

    You two are making me blush. [face_blush][face_blush][face_blush]

    ...and even more. [face_blush][face_blush][face_blush]
  23. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    write a note-compartment item

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    // 1
    // The Big Ones, Up Close

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    I thought that the first day of the last year at FAIS would be exciting. Last year, we had a guest lecturer from CESA, who explained how the future is ahead of us and everything. But this time, the speaker was dead boring. He spoke in a monotonous manner. I’m not saying that I don’t speak that way myself, but he was supposed to sound exciting. He was fifty minutes too early – as in, he came to the class before we did and he made us all salute him. He had this strange red suit on, or maybe it was a uniform.

    I noticed that he was wearing the black band, too. His was wrapped twice around his left wrist and then wrapped around his index finger. He lost a daughter. I am not sure if anybody else in the class noticed it, but I felt sorry for him and I asked to go to the ‘fresher, so I could encounter him once he’s out. He seemed surprised that I wanted to talk to him and said that people were usually intimidated by his presence. I think he might have been confused that I didn’t know him. Apparently, he’s something in the Homeworld Navy. I am not good with military ranks, but I understand that it’s…like a school principal. He didn’t seem like too much of an authority, until the point where he told me to look into his eyes when speaking. It felt like he was yelling out an order. I got a bit scared. In fact, I’m surprised that I managed to ask him about his grief.

    And I am surprised that he was ready to talk about it. We spoke for good ten minutes and he told me that his daughter died of a “mysterious illness” a little more than a year ago. He noticed my own band, wrapped twice around my right wrist and my middle finger and wondered if I was one of those “Noleria Conference” younglings. I just gave him a blank stare and he lamented that orange shirts are often ignorant about important events in the recent history. I apologized and he explained that it was a social experiment, where childless couples over the age of sixty would adopt an orphan.

    That was awkward. Awkward. I was not adopted, that’s a joke that got old even in Dak’s mind. I told the man that dad was only fifty and an engineer at AARIS. I proudly talked about the Western Steppe Artificial Insemination Pipeline. The man had no idea what that was and he was quick to claim that such a thing never existed, as the Western Steppe has enough insects that can help the crops thrive. That was contradictory given how proud he was when I mentioned AARIS. I don’t get it. Perhaps he was too tired. Dad once called that one Western Steppe Artificial Invigoration Pipeline when he was tired. Hard-working comrades and comradettes get tired easily.

    By the time we were out of the main building, the buzzer went off and it was the time for recess. The mourning man said goodbye and told me to pay more attention in classes, and then he proceeded to his speeder, hovering over the experimental pond. Now I was completely sure that he had nothing to do with agriculture. But what I spotted next confused me beyond the edges of the Core Worlds. In the speeder, waiting for him, there was nobody other than Karlina Yaihe! Or whatever her last name was now. The protagonist of “Dear Qleebold” herself. I would have recognized those eyes of the greyest of the grey skies everywhere. And this man in red was her husband. The lame one!

    I cannot believe this. Karlina Yaihe’s lame husband is not so lame when he is not on the pages of Juicy Blabber! It took me quite a while to remember his name. Yvar Trindello. He is our Homeworld’s Fleet Admiral, he fought in Clone Wars, as far as I can remember from what Comradette Nola once told Jan, Zana and me over dinner and a playdate.

    This was too much. I sat down on the stone sculpture near the pond and remained there until the buzz calling us to return to our classrooms. Karlina Yaihe was real. And she was not that dazzling as I would have expected her, from everything I have seen on the viewscreen and at the RetroHolocin nights at the local YCC. There was nothing that took my breath away. Nothing. She seemed to have less of authority than, say, our lecturers and lect-aide droids. I always thought of everybody we see on the viewscreen and in the holomags as untouchable, special, almost mythical. And now this. What is the next thing that is going to happen? Is somebody going to tell us that our ancestors were not the brave Corellian pioneers who wanted a more disciplined world?

    Once we were back inside for the remaining classes, there was 14 of us. Jan was covering up for Dak again, said that his sister was sick. In reality, Dak is a nerf-herder who has no interest in Imperial Literature and Contemporary Galactic Basic. He says that it’s a “course for Human girls and alien boys”. I don’t think Rende would appreciate that, he’s won AARIS so many awards for his progressive poetry. And how come that Comradette Kaya Malokio does not see that one of us is missing when we’re a small group? There’s only thirty of us in the last year at FAIS, we’re supposed to be this elite school everybody wants to be in. Dak is taking that for granted!!!

    Anyway, we had a writing exercise. 500 words on how we spent our vacation. I had nothing to write about, as I spent seven weeks secretly attending driving classes, in lack of anything better to do. Dad discovered it three days before he passed away and he was angry. So, I wrote about dad’s funeral and I was done after mere twelve minutes, but Comradette Malokio ripped the flimsi apart and told me to consider something more progressive instead. I wrote about recreating the Battle of Priga with Ebe and she shook her head. I’m too old to play with BYBLOs, she said. She is worried about my future, since I am so immature and not creative enough to find better things to do during an eight-week vacation.

    Should I have told her that I also attempted to write a novel, but did not know what the main plot point was supposed to be? The last time I showed her some of my writing, I waited for four days until she said something and then I had an impression that she didn’t read it at all. She said that the topics I was dealing with were typical for adolescent comradettes. Prog there, I wrote about a bleak and far less developed world in the far future. I did not write about boys and being pretty, like Zana back in the days when her poem was read out loud at the Empire Day.

    I guess that I need to focus on something related to mechanics instead. And live in the 21 AE or…is it 22? Can never get used to them, wish we still counted time from the day the First Triad was founded.


    The black band is yet another Sacorrian mourning custom that I need to elaborate further on – in brevis: from the position of the black band and the hand it’s on, other comrades and comradettes know who is being mourned.

    Noleria Conference and the Noleria Conference younglings are, of course, fanon.

    Western Steppe Artificial Insemination Pipeline, or Western Steppe Artificial Invigoration Pipeline? Hmmm...

    General Yvar Trindello and his wife, Karlina (Yaihe) Trindello appear throughout my works and the loss of their daughter, Mariklare, to alcohol was established by leiamoody in two stories that appear to have been removed.

    RetroHolocin nights should be self-explanatory. Fanon.

    YCC is a new abbreviation, those Sacorrians LOVE ’em abbreviations. It stands for Young Comradettes’ Centre. Fanon.

    Lect-aide droids should be self-explanatory. Fanon.
  24. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 18, 2008
    Y'know, there's multiple layers here; Doria's semi-self-absorption is extremely well-written (both willing as an adolescent, and subconscious, to protect herself from the unstated but constant stream of oppressiveness constantly going on).

    More and more, I just want to smack most of these adult Sacorrians upside the head for their cruelty, when tragically, they're products of their environment as well ... [face_sigh]

    And yet, as bleak as this is, I want to know more. We know
    Doria survives this quiet horror, but the how of it is what drives it forward.

    Well-done as always, Ewok Poet. =D=
  25. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Nov 22, 1999 sounds like Doria is starting to notice that there are more than a few things that don't add up about Saccoria's progressive little "paradise". And sometimes they aren't even covered up convincingly--denying that the project her father worked on existed, smooth, Admiral Trindello. I'm sure it was very believable.

    It's a mark of how deep Doria's grief is and how repressed her emotions are that she reaches out to someone who is nothing more than a boring guest lecturer when she sees that he's wearing a mourning band, too. Even if Trindello was not the most fascinating speaker and a little too authoritarian at times, at least he had enough compassion to share those few minutes with Doria. That's a mark in his favor, when most adults have been quick to tell her stuff her emotions, to be progressive.

    And then, gasp, his wife is THE Karlina Yahie...but, gaspity gasp gasp...she's nothing like she was in the Juicy Blabber! She's not glamorous! She is, in fact, quite human. Trindello and Karlina seem to have put a few cracks in Doria's worldview. Holo-stars and Fleet Admirals turn out to be real and nothing terribly exciting in person. This seems more unsettling to her than Trindello's denial of the WSAIP.
    Doria's teacher sounds like another gem of Progressive Saccoria, ripping up Doria's essay and berating her choice of topics. On the other hand
    she's got a point there. DYSTOPIAN FUTURE! OH, THE ANGST!1!

    Once again, great job. Looking forward to more of Doria's observations =D=