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Saga - OT [DDC 2017] Doaba Ke'demii - The Diary of a Young Comradette (OCs | ANH/TESB) - COMPLETE, e-book soon

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Ewok Poet, Jan 3, 2017.

  1. A Blind Prophet

    A Blind Prophet Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 25, 2016
    so... the first toe dip into the fanon world of ewok poet... i have to say i'm enjoying myself, and that your writing is excellent.

    i love the character building going on here, even though i really don't know who most of these people are. maybe reading without looking at the dramatis personae was a mistake, but i generally like looking at things before having that kind of knowledge and seeing if i can piece things together or not. thinking i may need the help, as things stand. >_<

    very interesting world that i'm glad that i'm not... actually... part of. you can definitely see the amount of work that's gone into it over the time you've been writing, and as someone that's done some world building myself (well, attempted to) i very much appreciate the effort going into this.

    i'll be doing a better comment in the future, still getting used to commenting on these things again. looking forward to the next bit, i have to say.
     
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  2. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Doria is definitely showing some of her better self in this entry. She comes thiiiiis close to dismissing Yvar Trindello (a familiar name, indeed...) as just another boring speaker, and then she notices the black band that means he's suffered the loss of someone close—and that leads to ten minutes of mutual understanding. And the fact that there was a good bit of awkwardness involved, particularly with the "Noleria Conference" question, doesn't diminish the fact that they did, for those ten minutes, interact on equal terms about something important that they had in common. For Doria's takeaway of someone to be that they're "not so lame" after all is... well, that's pretty high praise from her. And on top of that, with the appearance of Karlina, she makes some important realizations about The Way Things Work: yes, fleet-admirals-who-are-celebrities'-husbands do indeed do mundane (!) things like grieving and giving classroom guest lectures, and their celebrity wives look pretty darn normal outside of all that makeup and limelight.

    If it's all right, I'm not going to enquire too deeply into the nature and purpose of the Artificial Insemination Pipeline... shudder! :eek:

    Then it's back to the regularly scheduled business of school, with the compulsory "what I did over the summer" writing assignment—and of course with the arch-Sacorrian teacher who lambastes her student to her face about her choice to write about her her dad's funeral. I mean, for crying out loud, for what organic being with a heart not made of marble would that not be an immensely significant event, to the point where it would (understandably) overshadow the whole rest of the summer? Oh, but wait, it's not progressive for your heart to be made of anything else! :rolleyes: And even when Doria rewrites her essay, she's berated about it again, for an equally ridiculous reason. Yeesh, no one can do anything right on this befoggèd planet, can they?

    And yet... yes, the disillusionment is beginning, adn Doria is noticing the cracks in her p/u-tiful Sacorrian way of life—but one final detail here is telling us that it may end up being harder than we think to fully "take Sacorria out of the girl," and that's her remark on the dating system: "Can never get used to them, wish we still counted time from the day the First Triad was founded." An offhand remark on Doria's part, but one that gives us readers much to ponder! [face_thinking] Looking forward, as always, to seeing what will come next in Doria's journey of realization.
     
  3. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Four minutes until tomorrow and I HAVE to update today, so replies will go here.

    Sorry - sometimes I have these odd compulsions that I can't even explain and they need to be fullfilled even when I'm on a roll, like I had been last night. It had to go online by 00:00 and *it made sense that way*. The missing replies have been added to this post and, as I always, I wanted to let you know that I really, really appreciate them and the fact that you have the patience and will to read this weird diary. Thank you, thank you, thank you. [face_love]




    Wow, that is quite an observation! Being a teenager, Doria was certainly meant to be self-absorbed, but if there's layering to it, then I am definitely doing something right. :D

    Anybody whom you don't want to smack? I'm curious, since a friend pointed an adult character who is more likeable than the others.

    And, of course, you're right about them being products of their environment.

    This "how" does not necessarily have to be positive. Sure, it's not going to be completely negative, BUT...



    Hmmm, but does this project really exist?

    He's a product of his environment, too. Those who have read my other things know how extreme he is, but among the most extreme ones, ironically, he is the one who plays by the rules. Of course, that makes him...incredibly square. He WILL criticise anything that doesn't fit his square-Sacorria. :p

    This WILL matter later on, though, at first, Doria won't be having the same standards for all famous people.

    Yup, that is one thing where the teacher is right. At the same time, one should expect teenagers, even the most creative ones, to write that kind of stuff. It appears to be too creative for Sacorria.

    Thank you. And be aware that there's this ridge, don't be fooled by kids playing in the shallows. THERE IS NO MUCH SHALLOWS.

    You're doing great so far, so don't worry. :) And the fact that we find it hard to keep up with *each other* because we're both rapid-fire type of writers is for the best, really. :D

    I'll try to give you a brief intro...with the emphasis on "try".

    So, basically, this 'verse started with some stupid story based on a stupid dream I had back in late '95. or '96; where one of my teachers was a space villain. The only things that survived from that story are the characters of Doria, Charon San Valorum (appears in some other stories) and Zana Da-Yurk. I wrote the first part of the first chapter of The Black Star in February 2015, after a forgettable short story with an early version of the plot, and it was a stream-of-consciousness thing. I knew how the story would end and where, which character had a lot of secrets from an unknown source, but those were the bare bones.

    Two years later, there's the backstory:
    Letters Never Sent

    The backstory of the backstory:
    Midday Darkness // The Light is Me, I Am the Light

    A backstory of the place appearing throughout the series, essentially a series of shorts:
    Forever Away from Home

    A series of shorts about a character who is yet to be properly integrated in the storyline:
    Chancellor & I
    Radiophonic Heart
    Before the Fall
    Not Just Talking Body
    Life, Death and Other Goals
    After the Climb

    A random short that eventually inspired a villain character:
    In My Dreams

    Five future stories (they may look unrelated, but they ARE related, I promise):
    Nolevorution, Of Course!
    About a Boy
    The Brightest of the Stars (When Teebo Met Latara)
    A Rough Trade
    Nuv

    A different storyline that appears to have nothing to do with this...but it does:
    Snowed In
    The Other Moon

    Aaand an epic that will be public once the two stories marked with an asterisk have been completed, which will also tie everything to the future stories.


    Now you can HEADASPLODE.

    Wait, you're still alive? :eek:


    Her better self is always present. But she does not have a way with words and she is quick to judge.

    Since I always picture him like a combo of a thinner version of older Joseph Stalin and a 1970s businessman, I assume he doesn't exactly has motivation speaker charisma written all over him. And yeah, this is the first time I'm trying to describe what I think he should look like, if there's an actor or a public figure who looks that way, send me pics. :p

    But yes - Doria immediately went over the boundaries that the world like Sacorria would impose between a student and the Fleet Admiral, over grief and mourning. And, what is more significant, so did Yvar Trindello himself - though he didn't expect himself to, given the way he acted and some of the things he said.

    [hl=black]My idea is that both he and Eeris have some minor redeemable qualities, while Roula doesn't. She's the Hitler, Goebels and Big Brother in one person.[/hl]

    Once again, neither of them expected to and they both acted like they would around their peers.

    Yes, and while they're super-privileged, that does not necessarily protect them from making mistakes, experiencing grief and not always looking their best.

    It's for plants, not sentients, so don't worry. :p But either way, go look at what I said to Raissa Baiard . :)

    I started hating those around 1995, when my dad had a stroke and our plans changed. I think kids still get them, as well as a couple of stereotypical ones, e.g. "The View from My Window".

    And not in the eyes of a young teacher who is not yet tired of what carp she's teaching.


    In a way, Sacorrians are taught to like the Triad more than Ol' Sheevy Sheev. No surprise there. I think.
     
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  4. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    write a note-compartment item

    1 - enter title manually
    0 - skip

    // 1
    // SUBMIT DATA
    // The Class That Annoys Me
    // SUBMIT DATA

    assign a number to the note-compartment item?

    1 - enter number manually
    0 assign number automatically

    // 0
    // SUBMIT DATA

    enter text

    Agro (S, M, yellow) – WHAT WOULD YOU EXPECT FROM SOMEBODY WHOM HIS PARENTS NAMED THAT. HE’S A PROFESSIONAL NERF-HERDER TO BE.

    Agroproprius (D, M, yellow) – OKAY, TWO OF US IN THE CLASS HAVE AGRO IN THEIR NAMES. HADN’T THIS ONE BEEN DRALL, I WOULD MISTAKE HIM FOR THE SELONIAN ONE.

    Antilless, Jax (H, M, yellow) – HE IS NOT RELATED TO GRANDMA’S FAMILY AND HE ISN’T THAT OTHER JAX, EITHER.

    Cavernus (S, F, red) – SHE NEVER SAYS ANYTHING AND SHE’S ACTUALLY BIGGER THAN TENDRA, SO TENDRA SHOULD SHUT UP. AND SHE MISSES A LOT OF CLASSES AS OF LAST YEAR, AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.

    Da-Yurk, Zana (H, F, yellow) – WILL NEVER HAVE A BRAIN AND IT’S A FACT. I QUIT.

    Gauree, Dak (H, M, yellow) – SO-CALLED BEST BUDDY OF MY BOYFRIEND, ACTUALLY A KRIFFIN’ KRIFFSLIDER WHO THINKS ALL COMRADETTES ARE BANTHA POODOO.

    Katisver, Jan (H, M, red) – A HUMAN WITH NO SPINE. STICK WITH ME AND NOT DAK SOMETIMES, WILL YOU?

    Porkley, Glaunder (H, M, red) – PORKY AKA BOYFRIEND AKA OH SARCOPHAGUS I DO NOT WANT THIS TO BE MY LAST NAME SOMEDAY CAN WE CHANGE THE LAW AKA MY YOUNGLINGS WILL BE UGLY.

    Quacha (D, F, yellow) – IF SHE DISAPPEARED TOMORROW, NOBODY WOULD CARE. SO, WHY DOESN’T SHE?

    Rende (D, M, red) – HIS NAME IS NOT RELATED TO AGRICULTURE, BUT HE WRITES POETRY ABOUT IT.

    Risant, Tendra (H, F, red) – STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR REAR AND LEND ME SOME OF THAT EXTRA WEIGHT SO I DO NOT BREAK IN TWO.

    Tasya (D, F, red) – THE BEST IN CLASS WHY IS SHE EVEN ATTENDING WHEN SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING. OH YES, BECAUSE CAVERNUS IS NEVER THERE.

    Tolaarus (S, F, yellow) – USED TO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH CAVERNUS AND THEN THEY JUST STOPPED TALKING TO EACH OTHER. CAVERNUS APPARENTLY CALLED TOLAARUS LUCKY.

    Vorr, Doria (H, F, orange) – A COMPLETE LOSER WHO DOES NOT DESERVE TO LIVE. BUT SHE’S SMART. WHICH BITES.

    Now that I got that off my mind, I feel better. Much, much better. Ignore the part where I want to kill Dak and the part where I am sure that Rende is ripping me off!!!

    First, Comradette Malokio brought us the results of the p/u essays we did yesterday. I got a ZERO. A big fat zero, resembling Cavernus’ rear in its fatness. And then she accused me that I ripped off Rende! And he, with his stupid spectacles that I would gladly shove it in his eyes – and the forementioned rear – cried and called me an enormous liar. I was sitting behind him, and he says that I was looking over his shoulder, given that he’s so small and I’m apparently huge, even with Cavernus around. I beg your pardon? I’m 162 centimetres tall and I weigh about 56 kilograms, since WHEN is that HUGE?

    Tendra pointed out that the topic both Rende and I were writing about – importance of one’s own moral values being aligned with the traditional concepts of p/u – was fairly predictable and common in people of our age nearing the big hyperline junction of adult life. BUT SHE MADE THINGS WORSE. SHE SHOULD HAVE SHUT UP, LIKE ZANA DID. Comradette Malokio lauded her for what she said and said that the biggest problem with me was my “relentless lack of originality”. I got up from behind my hoverdesk and asked her how is originality encouraged in a system that discourages individuality and she quoted point 12.4 in the Book of Law’s Education chapter and said that I do not know the true meaning of the word “individuality”.

    Porky did not comfort me. He insisted on holding hands throughout the recess and said that thing about stripping me off the orange shirt again. Like, I am the only orange out of thirty of us, the “public shame of Aurek-10”, since there are no oranges in Besh-10.

    I asked him if he – maybe – thinks I would look good in yellow. Empress! had a point about that being a happy colour once and I’ve probably been a downer since dad died. But he said no. I don’t understand men. I don’t understand them at all and it’s not like having a man rule our household for over sixteen years helped much with that. YOU DON’T LIKE ME IN ORANGE, YOU WOULD NOT LIKE ME IN YELLOW, WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

    I told mom about the zero in the middle of the dinner Duchess Branna hosted for the Drall Independence Day (I’m not sure how is she even allowed to celebrate another planet’s public holiday, but whatever…). She took my side. I was confused, because she never does. She said that I might be hopeless in real women jobs – whatever they are – and real men jobs – whatever again, but that I am good with stuff that does not pay credits, such as writing. Branna reminded her that writing can be an useful skill and that they love it at all the universities on the planet. GLAD SHE DIDN’T MAKE THAT JOKE ABOUT THEM NOT READING WHAT’S WRITTEN AGAIN.

    But this is not where my troubles ended.

    On Sacorday, we gathered to watch the race at Jan’s place. The Corfai Taiga Gillad Novo Memorial Run, yes. Comradette Nola was happy to see me and Zana, she didn’t seem so happy about Porky and Dak, she just rolled her eyes. It’s that rivalry between Ministry of Defence and the Sacorrian Freedom Fleet, I bet. However, she said that she’s making enough nerf rind buns to feed “the Emperor’s entire army” and she also bought us some Pethusks and Dusties. I didn’t care about those all that much, though I found myself munching on them pretty fast. Figures. Dad never wanted me to eat those because one kilo of snacks would cost ten times as much as one kilo of ground bovid.

    Jan informed me that Jax was starting from the pole position! Oh.my.Triad. I was so excited! But then all other pods moved and his remained in place. Even that half-Theelin, Diva Alovera, overtook him. The crowd was disappointed. Of course, the representative of their own planet failed. Again. Two years after having been crowned the Podracing Champion of the Core Worlds. DISASTER. AND WHAT BITES MOST IS THAT I DIDN’T FOLLOW HIM THIS PASSIONATELY TWO YEARS AGO BECAUSE OF SCHOOL STUFF. When I realised that he’s the kind of a famous person whom I should see as attractive, he was rarely ever on podium. He had ONLY TWO of them last year and it breaks my heart.

    Of course that Dak used this against me. WHENEVER SOMETHING HAPPENS TO JAX, HE USES IT AGAINST ME. He called Jax a “wailer-pilot” and said that he does not belong with the top class anymore and should go and race on irrelevant places, like the Outer Rim. Do they even have podracing there?

    He then went on and on about what kind of men are worth appreciation. PROG, NOBODY CARES. SACORRIA TO YOUNG COMRADE GAURE-POODOO, YOU’RE A KORRAK DROPPING. He talked about Steamy Wasaka Stew and I asked if that was food. He called me a stupid girl and said that they were a band and that they have these two amazing albums: SexySpiceStarSinners and Steamy Seconds. The latter is not that good, though Tendra almost immediately defended it, because the band’s singer, Antonio Nokaarbe, is “progressively sexy”. SHE USED THE “S” WORD. WHY IS SHE SO IMMORAL ALL THE KRIFFIN’ TIME? SUCH A GRAIN FLY! Dak appears to be jealous of that Antonio, but says that their old quetarra player, not the scary Zabrak guy who looks like he’s going to drink your blood – OF COURSE, TENDRA THINKS THAT ONE IS ATTRACTIVE, TOO, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS ANTONIO - was much, much better. The name is something fairly stupid and girly, but that guy is his idol. He has “true progressive values”, Dak says. He left the wailer-group because they became too famous and he’s made this one elusive album about something related to tesh-tunics. I asked him if he liked that and he said that there was no enough quetarra on it and that it screamed “spice addict”.

    I then asked him how can he be a fan of this Angel Manicure – I think that’s the name, horrible – if he likes the work he apparently disowned and got away from. I also wondered that, if the being is a spice addict, then how come he does not get help for that. Spice is bad! Dak was furious once again. How dare I challenge his opinion? And why do I not understand the mystery behind the ASSUMPTION that this being is a spice addict? He said that girls belong near the sonic oven and not as morality critics.

    Tendra then dragged me to the kitchen. Was she approving of what Dak said? Nola was sitting there at the table, kneading another round of nerf rind buns and she called us to sit next to her. She said that she is not too keen on Dak’s insistence to always be right and told us to ignore him. She also expressed her concern for Tendra and said that he might be more interested in her than it looks like. I didn’t quite understand why, but she said that he is not going to be allowed in when she or Comrade Gunn are not at home.

    When we went back to the den, Jan and Dak were sitting to Zana’s left and right and sharing their opinions about music in general. A fan of Pretty Dadanna, she was not interested and I could tell that she was bored. Porky was not really present throughout this, despite the loudness of our arguments. He had a whole soup plate of Dusties to himself and he fell asleep at some point. Wondering at what point do boyfriends start acting like progressive young comrades and start defending their girlfriends?

    Of course, the annoying Haylo Cipesz won the race in the end. It looked as if Mundo W’hay would win, but he just slowed down near the end and let his team pal pass. DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT.

    // SUBMIT DATA




    Footnotes

    There’s a good reason Cavernus’ rear keeps on getting mentioned. If you have read Midday Darkness / The Light Is Me, I Am The Light, the answer is in this chapter.

    Pethusks are a GFFA take on Smoki – a snack made of corn husks and peanuts, popular all over ex-Yugoslavia.

    Dusties would be inspired by American stuff, like candies shaped like dust corn seeds. I never had candy corn (somebody buy me some? :p ), so I’m clueless about this.

    Nerf rind buns are a take on pork rind buns that we call pogačice s(a) čvarcima. And they’re delicious. I can translate a good recipe like this one for anybody who wants it.
     
  5. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 18, 2008
    EP - Sorry this is such a quick reply, but I'm on lunch break. :p

    Another superb chapter, here, with Doria sounding more teenaged (not that she didn't before, but there's more energy here than there was before ... although that's understandable, given her father's death). And the rundown of character analysis? So well-done. =D=

    Plus, her teacher is a nerf-herder. I never like that kind of blatant favoritism shown by people in authority IRL; at least Doria tried to play it smart by attempting to use the system. :)
     
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  6. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    Great update! Doria's assessment of her fellow classmates is terrific. I love how she can reduce each person to one sentence and be absolutely spot-on.

    The whole thing with the writing assignments makes me want to roll my eyes. I know that conformity is the norm here but if you conform too much you're a plagiarist? Pul-eeze. Poor Doria, not wanting to write about how she spent her summer dealing with her father's death, and then being criticized for it.
    You just can't win, but then I think that's the point.

    The podracing party reminds me of the Superbowl parties that Americans throw over here. Too many snacks and too much emotional involvement in the games. I was thrilled to see Anjie Mercurio mentioned, though. Of course nobody likes him. Just wait.

    Another great update!
     
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  7. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 22, 1999
    So, Doria, tell us what you really think of your classmates! The snark is strong with this one; not even her "best friend" Tendra and her boyfriend, Porky, are spared her caustic wit. It's a sad, but too relatable, picture of growing up in a small town, where your friends probably wouldn't be your friends if you had better options. (And I just noticed that Porky's actual first name is "Glaunder." :eek: He certain lost when it came to getting names, didn't he? No wonder he goes by Porky; it's almost an improvement.)

    Re: Comradette Malokio and "individuality": to quote Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

    I agree with divapilot, Doria does seem like more of a teenager here than in previous entries, now that she's talking music, sports and school with her peers. There are so many good bits in the pod racing party scene, I don't know where to start! I love the name of the podracer, Diva Alovera [face_laugh] and the line about not having podracing on the Outer Rim made me *snerk*. I know a podracer-turned-Jedi-turned-Sith who would take exception to that!

    There's a lot of reveal bits about Doria's character hidden in there, too. First of all, when Doria says that Jax Novo is:
    .
    Not that she does find him attractive, just that she should. In this p/u paradise, society even dictates what kind of crushes a teen girl should have...which sounds familiar, actually. Then there's the part where she thinks Tendra is SO IMMORAL for using the word "sexy" :eek:, but doesn't understand why 'Angel Manicure" :)rofl: at this mangling of Anjie 's name) being a spice addict isn't a cause for understanding and sympathy. She's just a little out of step with her classmates, whatever the issue. No wonder she feels like she doesn't fit in.

    The boys in her class are really something; it seems like they're all totally self-absorbed and sexist, except maybe Jan, who is "spineless". Dak is another special snowflake, isn't he? He has to be the center of attention and everyone must admit how right he is especially those ignorant girls. :p Nola is entirely right not to trust him. She is the first Sacorrian adult we've met who seems to have a clue.

    I'm enjoying your story immensely. I've said it before, but I really like Doria and am looking forward to reading more of her unique diary.=D=
     
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  8. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Wow, move over Harriet the Spy! :eek: I'm so thankful I'm not in Doria's class—gosh only knows what snarky commentary I'd get from her. They're not just snark, though, and we learn a lot from them. First, about certain kinds of Sacorrian naming conventions: agriculture names are progressive, and so is agriculture poetry, even when your name isn't Agro-something. :p Second, there's Cavernus... the combination of her large size, fat behind, and frequent absences despite her red shirt reminds me very much of...

    Dyeke's Selonian teacher in The Light Is Me, who had to keep to going in to get her eggs harvested because she was a queen. I imagine Doria at least abstractly knows about that sort of thing being done with certain Selonian females, and I hope she won't have the same kind of rude awakening with her classmate as Dyeke did with his teacher!

    I have to wonder, too, why she and Tolaarus stopped talking with each other; it's not just because of the shirt-color difference (because Porky and Dak are wearers of red and yellow, respectively, and are best friends). Does Tolaarus wish [hl=black]she too could be doing what Cavernus is doing? If only she knew...[/hl] On shirt colors, I'll say that I'm that Doria has kept a record of that for us, because that way I can just keep being my lazy self and don't have to, and they're cretainly very revealing: of course I'm not surprised to see that blowhard Porky wearing red. Also, just wait twenty-some more years, Doria, and you'll wish you were that "breaking in two" size again. :p
    Now this writing assignment... geeze Louise, Comradette Malokio, make up your mind! Do you want people to conform, or do you want them to be original? WHICH IS IT?! I suppose it's not surprising to see such a p/u-pushing teacher as Malokio siding with the red-shirt student by default, even when the evidence clearly points the other way. Nor am I surprised to see Porky totally lacking sympathy with Doria, or to see him going on about stripping her orange shirt off (and yes, by now it's clear what he means—this is not Color Me Beautiful! :eek: ). Seriously, Doria, now may be the time to consider dropping him like a hot topato...

    Good at least that her mother has some small amount of sympathy for her, even if it is a bit... sideways. Well, from Maris, that's about what one can expect!

    Yep, like divapilot says, the Corfai Taiga Gillad Novo Memorial Run party is very reminiscent of Super Bowl parties and similar here in the USA—too much to eat, too much emotional investmet in something pretty ephemeral (though it is a big bummer about Jax's non-start; I almost wonder whether [hl=black]foul play of any kind[/hl] was involved, or if we'll hear more about it later, whichever way). But more important is that this is where Doria first learns about the band—and the band member(s)—that will prove to be so important in The Black Star and later on. Yep, just they wait indeed—that "horribly named" Mr. "Angel Manicure" will surprise them all, [hl=black]and most of all Doria[/hl]!

    Another fantastic view into this young comradette's "so-called life" ;)—keep it coming!
     
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  9. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Too sleepy, one day behind the schedule. Comments will be added tomorrow, hopefully. Until then, a placeholder.

    Love it how "tomorrow" is weeks later. Ouch. [face_chicken] But I am still grateful for every single comment that comes my way - especially the thought-provoking ones.




    Hope that was one niiice lunch. :D If you can still remember, that is.

    And that was the idea - Doria starts out kind of stiff and then she starts pouring her feelings out.

    Character analysis might be unjustified, but she is a talented writer, so it could...take her places.

    Kaya Malokio was partly inspired by the Russian as second foreign language teacher I had in high school. She always had this red lipstick on her teeth. I should include that in the story, too.

    Not sure if she is always spot-on, but she is capable at putting her anger to words and that's somethin'.

    Precisely the point. Marmalade yesterday and marmalade tomorrow, but no marmalade today.

    Mencuri. ;) He has no resemblance with one certain Freddy, though I appreciate Freddy as a singer. He was inspired by somebody completely different from that and with mighty facial hair and hair...when he was younger and into it. :p

    And I have heard at the amount of food people have at Superbowl parties, but this is more like us Europeans watching a Formula One race. And hungry, hungry teenagers WILL eat. XD

    Yup, his name is wonderful, especially knowing that his parents have somewhat normal names, Roko and Gladiola. His name is like a butchering of his mother's name and a fish species from our world. :p

    Tendra is young herself. She still has the time to learn.

    Here, it's not a small town, on the contrary, more likely not being able to realise that yes, you deserve better and yes, there is better everywhere. You only need to look for it...WHICH IS SCAREEEEEEH!1!1111

    Should she prepare to die, too? :p

    Re: Diva Alovera - I wanted to honour that lovely plant. :D

    And yes, that was meant to have you have to wipe your nose afterwards. If only the Sacorrians would know...LOL.

    THE WORD "SEXY" SHOULD BE BANISHED, BUT IT'S TOTALLY OK TO BASH OWN FAV CELEB'S GIRLFRIEND AND ASSUME THAT A SPICE ADDICT NEEDS TO BE SYMPATHISED WITH. LOGIC IS LOGIC IS LOGIC WHEEE I AM A CHICKEN.

    No, seriously, she's right about "Angel". Dak is just being a creepy fanboy there.

    Jan has different reasons...to be "spineless".

    Nola is awesome. :)

    I am glad that I can PROVIDE ENTERTAINMENT.

    *takes a bow*

    *trips on own feet*

    *hits head*

    *loses consciousness*


    I loved, loved, loved that book! It's relatively obscure here, but I adore it.

    Of course. Rende has to make up with the fact that his name means "grater" in my native language, just like Gredda's, for example, means "beam".

    Yes, that's it. [hl='black']Same as Korunas[/hl]. And I doubt that Tolaarus even knows. :(

    That was the entire purpose of that segment.

    And yup, she will. But that kind of a figure implies NOT EATING ENOUGH on Sacorria. Plus, her mother is literally a stick. SUSPICIOUS FAMILY. NOT PROGRESSIVE.

    See at what divapilot said and what I responded. Makes sense.

    Now I have to google "Color Me Beautiful"...

    She is...making progress in being (really) progressive.

    Nah, his team just makes horrible pods. It's a throwback at what Jacques Villeneuve was experiencing in his first season with BAR in 1999, and since Jax Novo is his namesake and faceclaim, I thought "why not include it?".

    ;)

    Are you implying that Angela Chase of MSCL was an inspiration here? BECAUSE SHE WAS. I adore her, absolutely. ^:)^[face_love]
     
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  10. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
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    // The Supermassive Black Hole List!!!!
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    Could not write anything for a while, because I was so angry!!! I wanted everybody to go and shove themselves into that supermassive black hole in the centre of the Galaxy and die a horrible death. They can, alternatively, shove the said supermassive black hole in their own rears. Duchess Branna told me that I mention rears way too often for a well-behaved young Comradette, but if she had to sit behind Cavernus’ rear in class, she would have been brainwashed, too!!!!! YOU WOULD WANT A KORRAK TO BITE THAT SARCOPHAGUS-SIZED PILE OF FAT, TOO!!!!!

    So, who is on my shove-into-the-blackhole-list????

    Comradette Malokio can go first. She told me to just give up writing. And this happened when a Basic Galactic and Imperial Literature student from SUPAS came for a visit, to talk to us about our careers. She didn’t even want me to be there, she said that my place was at the pond with Comradette Pantareah Steurpa, I almost cried and the only reason she let me stay and did not ORDER me to leave. The said student was not better, either. I enthusiastically presented her with some of my work and she said that she used to write like I do when she was in the first grade of basic school! She won the scholarship at the Grotlo County writing camp – fun in the snow, piles of chocolate-covered snowgrapes rolled in ta-ya nuts and the like. That never happens to those like me. NEVER. And I think that Comradette Malokio wants me to fail. She keeps on giving me that evil side-eye, as if she wanted to assert her power over me!

    Haylo Cipesz can go second. No, wait that student goes second, she could bury her head among Cavernus’ buttocks and suffocate herself to death!!! Haylo will go third. HE IS SO ARROGANT. Is there a race that he can win without his team’s orders? Since when is this called “fair”? Since when is this called “sport”? Why and how does the Empire put up with it, in these times of fairness? The verdict came for his team-mate’s move at the Great Sea of Belasco 500 and THEY RULED IT OKAY. So, basically, each time the little boot-licker is in the DANGER OF WINNING A RACE HIMSELF, he should let Haylo pass. HE SHOULD LET HAYLO PASS. Of course, he could still win if Haylo is out of the race, but THAT NEVER HAPPENS. NOT THAT I CARE ABOUT MUNDO W’HAY IN THE FIRST PLACE…BUT HE IS A WEAKLING.

    Jax’s useless team, Corellia-Coruscant Racers are the third on my list – for the folks that promised to make him the Core champion again after that disappointing last season AND ONLY TWO PODIUMS, they cannot even bother to fix the repulsors on his pod, so he could ACTUALLY.FINISH.A.PODRACE. My poor wookie-ookiee. A champion that once kicked Cipesz’s rear and caught him read-handed back at the last race of the year at the Kammas Glass Trophy of Aurea DESERVES SO MUCH MORE. And he’s more handsome than SO MANY PEOPLE, INCLUDING MY BOYFRIEND. Mom thinks he’s hot….and she had a good taste in men, everybody thought dad was handsome and the two of them were THE MOST BEAUTIFUL COUPLE IN SACCORATA. THEY SAID SO THEMSELVES. And their friends claim the same (dad’s friends, mom has none, he chased them all away ages ago…all of them but Branna).

    The fourth on the list is THE WOOKIEE-OOKIEE HIMSELF. Guess what? He’s dating Mol Migroona! NOT ONLY THAT SHE IS INFERIOR TO HER OLDER SISTER, ADA’S, SINGING TALENT, BUT SHE HAS THE SYNTHFLESH STORMIE HELMETS. MAYBE SHE IS A CYBORG, TOO. Jax, Jax, Jax…I HATE YOU SO MUCH SOMETIMES, GO FOR A REAL GIRL. Zana showed me a Juicy Blabber holo of them canoodling at the sponsor’s party on Zeltros and I CAN’T PUT UP WITH IT. It was in Empress! mag, too. THIS IS LIKE DEATH STAR BLOWING UP, BUT INSTEAD OF IT, IT’S MY HEAD. AND MY HEART.

    The next on the list is Mol Migroona herself. Kriff her for taking Jax. Kriff the schutta! Twi’leks are primitive, on top of it. WHY IS JAX GOING AGAINST THE NEW ORDER AND THE TARKIN DOCTRINE? The fact that the greatest of the moffs that ever lived is DEAD does not mean that everything he had established for the benefit and progress of every superior being in the Galaxy is INVALID. Right? Right.

    The sixth place belongs to Porky, because he did not respond to my comms and I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT ALL THIS. He does not bother to get into podracing for me AT ALL. And he keeps on joking that Jax will STEAL ME FROM HIM.

    The rest of the list, from 7 to 37, from the top floor to the very ground level – and the sewers, too - is occupied by one certain young comrade by the name of Dak Gauree. I am pretty sure he was looking at Human girls’ change-cabins before our health and sports class yesterday. Ever since then, he’s been making mentions of how orange I am that even my underwear is orange. WELL, WHAT DOES HE KNOW, I HAPPEN TO LIKE THE COLOUR, TOO! Tendra thinks that he was probably looking to snoop on her and that the comment about my underwear was a result of bending to pick my stylus, and that he did not look at my change-cabin at all. She did not seem happy about this and said that I am not always the target. BUT I AM, PROG THERE. YOU’RE WRONG. WRONG. W-R-O-N-G, just like the R-e-p-u-b-l-i-c in its later years, before Emperor Palpatine stepped out, took the matter in his own hands and MADE THINGS RIGHT.

    WHY IS EVERYBODY SO HORRIBLE AND WHY WON’T THEY LET ME BE?

    My head is aching, I could use some Perigen. Then again, I don’t think it would work for this kind of ache. Perhaps I should hit my head against the wall…again. Anything even remotely resembling spice is not a good idea, anyway and some comradettes at the YCC have heard this rumour about Perigen containing too much carbosyrup from the Corporate Sector and lactose from bantha milk as its digestion agent…both are sugars and sugars are stimulants, right¬?

    Then again, stimulants help you get things done and be progressive. Perigen is progressive and if mom takes one, she’ll be nicer.

    No way, Qleebold. She needs uppers and downers, too.


    // SUBMIT DATA




    Footnotes
    Ta-ya nuts are the seeds of the conifer ta-ya trees growing in colder places on Sacorria and Corfai. Fanon.

    Chocolate-covered snowgrapes rolled in ta-ya nuts are an obvious fancy dessert. Fanon.

    Grotlo County Writing Camp would be a creative workshop. Fanon.

    Kammas Glass Trophy of Aurea is another race of the Core Worlds’ Podracing Championship. Fanon.

    Perigen is a mild, non-narcotic painkiller.
     
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  11. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 22, 1999
    Aaaah....so much ALL CAPS! MY HEAD IS EXPLODING :eek:

    Oh, the drama! Oh, the angst! The whole galaxy is against Doria and everyone can shove themselves in a black hole's rear end. (Duchess Branna would not approve of me, either, because I had to go back and count Doria's references to rear ends ;) I think I found 6). Some of the targets of her wrath seem partially justified; some are just...so very teen angst.

    First, the justified: dear, dear Comradette Malokio and the literature student who can't be bothered to spare a kind word for Doria. Arrogance towards those who are "inferior" seems to be a defining Sacorrian trait. Despite Doria's obvious enthusiasm and passion for writing, all they can do is put her down and belittle her ambitions. Constructive criticism is a foreign concept to them.

    Then there's Dak. Whether his comment about Doria's underwear was the result of him peeking at the girls' changing rooms or seeing them when she bent over; he's a creep who needs a good slap. Putting him in the sewers is just about right. :p

    The TEEN ANGST: Doria's poor Wookiee-ookie. She can't quite make up her mind, can she? She spends one paragraph of ALLCAPS drama bemoaning the fact that he's so misunderstood and mistreated, despite being so handsome and wonderful, and in the net, he can join the rest of the Galaxy in shoving itself in the black hole because…oh noes, he's DATING SOMEONE ELSE! Someone he's actually met! Someone ENTIRELY UNWORTHY of him (because she's not Doria :p). Her heart is breaking! (If Doria would like a pen pal, I can put her in touch with a similarly illogical, angsty teen and they can agonize over their unresponsive soul mates :p)

    And underneath all the drama, there are horrifying bits of politics. It's not surprising that p/u Sacorria embraces the New Order wholeheartedly. It's orderly, it's strong and it make those who disagree submit. *shudder* Doria doesn't even realize the hypocrisy of it. And it's interesting that she accepts the Dralls and Selonians while buying the Imperial party line that non-Humans like Twi'leks are "primitive" (though perhaps that's just Mol Migroona?)

    Another great entry' keep TEH DRAMA coming!
     
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  12. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Ewok Poet - another excellent chapter, as always, and with additional nuance ... [face_thinking]

    Doria's coming across as more and more human - and yes, Malokio and Dak really should fall into a black hole - but Doria's not perfect, either, is she? She's taken in the respect and idealizing of the New Order, and even as she rails against the oppressiveness of her locality, she thinks the Tarkin Doctrine is positive ... :oops:

    (Plus - Porky? Talk about a clueless waste of protoplasm. :rolleyes:)
     
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  13. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Like others have said, I love how the serious, justified gripes blend so seamlessly together with the TOTALLY OVERBLOWN TEENAGE ones. Doria’s more than a “stopped clock that’s right once a day” here—she’s an intermittently running clock that’s right at several important points. Malokio really is an insufferable, stuffed-up prig, and being squashed in either a gravitational singularity or a large furry behind is the least she deserves for the constant disparagement she throws Doria’s way. Pantareah sounds pretty insufferable too for lording her writing camp opportunity over Doria in that petty way. And yeah, with the creepy behavior Doria describes here, Dak well deserves to occupy thirty-one ([37-7]+1) whole spots on the black hole list. Eeeewwww. And grrrrr. [face_mad]

    (As large furry behinds go, however, I now find myself wondering how Cavernus herself sees the whole issue. How does she feel about her own looks? Does she get teased a lot about them? Alas, I am guessing probably so. :( )

    But then, on the other side of the coin, we have: (a) overreactions about sports, and and about sports personalities’ love lives. We have (b) some immensely naïve and unconsidered political opinions—wow, OK, I just have to tell myself that things like “Emperor Palpatine…MADE THINGS RIGHT” and “Twi’leks are primitive” are just teenage naïveté talking. We also have (c) some rather stringent expectations about boyfriends liking EXACTLY WHAT I LIKE at THE VERY SAME TIME. Although—in the case of Porky that one too is kind of justified, because we have already seen that he never bothers to take any sort of interest in what interests Doria. A modicum of friendly interest would certainly not kill him—and in any case he shouldn’t ignore her comms.

    Just have to remark on a little side detail that I found particularly intriguing and telling: the comment Doria makes about how her dad chased away almost all her mom’s friends. That really says a lot about both her parents’ relationship, about her relationship with them, and about the inequality that characterizes both those relationships. It can’t have been easy for Doria to witness that happening over the years, and I bet it will leave a mark on the way she approaches friendships throughout her life. As for the one friend who didn’t get chased away... well, I am not at all surprised. ;) And I’m now curious to see how Doria’s relationship with her will develop. From what we have seen in this chapter and the previous one where Branna was mentioned, Branna clearly supports Doria overall, even if she does wish she’d mention rears less often. ( :p ) That’s got to make an impression, at least gradually.

    Keep TEH AAAAAANGSTTTT coming! (Though a judicious Perigen doesn’t sound like a bad thing either!) :D
     
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  14. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Thank you for the comments - more coming ASAP and then I'm coming to leave comments in this space. Kind of bummed that there were only three this time, but they were three GREAT ones.

    And no matter what I do, I'm one day late.




    I SLAM THE PAD AS I PLEASE. ANGER IS PROGRESSIVE.

    THERE'S GOT TO BE MORE. YOU CAN'T COUNT.

    Comradette Malokio can go to some planet with a monarchy, as far as I am concerned. Yuck!

    Definitely the latter, but Doria is paranoid.

    He needs to be in a sewer with a rancor, a'la KOTOR.

    Of course, he's AWESOME, but he also SUCKS, because HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND IT'S NOT HER, despite the fact that she picked him because he seemed normal enough and handsome enough, to hide how "abnormal" she was.

    And we need to do that, TOTALLY. As a spontaneous chat session.

    Not sure if Mol or all. But it's terrifying - all of it.




    IF U DON LIEK DRAMA, GO BAX 2 UR MOMMA.

    ...thanks. And...yes? :D

    Of course she's not. She's a teenager and a Sacorrian. Less and less indoctrinated, but still indoctrinated.



    Wait, you actually think he advanced from that particular stage? Ladies, gentlemen and others, WE HAVE AN OPTIMIST HERE. :p

    ARE YOU INVALIDATING MY EXTREME PAIN AND SUFFERING?

    - Doria


    She is a clock that could use stopping every now and then, she is running at some weird speed and missing lots of points. Basically, some points can keep up with her, some cannot...if that made any sense?!

    Pantareah might be a name shared by some nice people, too. But this Pantareah Undetermined is a kriffslider. So is Kaya Malokio.

    And Doria's not good at math...which, in combo with being a hurrying clock...suggests some stuff.

    My assumption, too.

    Yup. She is a teenager and slowly starting to figure things out for herself. The rest is, well, an inevitable product of the time and surroundings. It's *harder* to become a Rebel on Sacorria.

    Justified, because he could at least do it once in a blue moon, and not expect her to ALWAYS be there for him to dump his problems on her...or, well, take a proverbial dump on her, which he seems to be doing all the time.

    Yup. That's Maris' scar - the one she mourns most is the one that destroyed her most. :( And it makes her the way she is, constantly cynical and confrontational, to the point of mild, mild sociopathy.



    Sadly, it's only an ibuprofen type of a thing, but yeah, it can make things more...bearable.
     
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  15. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
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    // The Little Pond of Stars
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    I feel so much better than I did last week. I tried to stay away from everything that annoys me – apart from rumours on how CCR are going to do *something* to improve the repulsors in Jax and his team-mate’s pods. It was hard to browse through that and avoid mentions of SLEAZY SCHUTTA Migroona herself, but I managed to do so. Sadly, I also learned that my other sports idol, Code:Blue, is retiring. Of course, that kriffslider Code:Red had to follow and retire, too. They’re coming back to Sacorria and they will be awarded prestigious, community-serving, progressive jobs by no one other than Their Majesties. WOW.

    Comradette Steurpa and I worked on the experimental pond for days after school – and I loved it. She is so considerate and she says that her mom was like that too, before she retired. She loved her mom’s dedication to xenobiology soooooo much that she did not mind leaving all of her friends behind and moving from Sublata to Saccorata, when Trudee – that’s her mom’s name – got a job at the Bio Research Institute in CenSacc. Just…just how progressive is that? I actually said so, but she disagreed – she said that it was about principles and following what one’s truly best at.

    She never explicitly said that she knows I am more interested in writing than xenobiology, but she also knows that Comradette Malokio does not like me and that working on extending the pond with traditional tools and using basic principles of ecology is almost as creative as writing to me. Besides, everybody else thinks that this is not progressive enough – fish and other water creatures cannot contribute much to the Sacorrian society, other than eventually become food for sentients and feline non-sentients, they say. I beg to differ.

    What I like most about staying at the school yard late and working with Comradette Steurpa on this underrated project is that it keeps on getting darker earlier and earlier each day. Of course, that also means that it’s getting colder and that leaves of nearby trees need to be cleaned up from the pond – which they never granted us a droid for, apparently, it scares the fish – but it also means that, when stepping into the pond in the red boots I got from Comradette Nola, I see the leaves, but also the stars in the sky. Some of them reflect in the eyes of our pond’s fish and they look magical.

    One particular genus of fish that we breed and take care of intrigues me – the Scalefish. The species’ names are somewhat of an abomination - Doo, Faa, Laa, Mee, Ray, See and Tee. But what is more intriguing about them is that they come from Naboo – the Emperor’s homeworld! And they’re as sophisticated as him and his peers, in way. Comradette Steurpa says that the depths of Naboo’s oceans, that run through the planet’s very core – are the home to some far scarier creatures, such as the Opee Sea Killer and the particularly frightening Kretch Eels that use ELECTRICITY to stun their prey! Whoa there! Opee Sea Killer apparently appears more dangerous, but it’s easier to get away from it, because you will SEE it and KNOW that it’s dangerous. Kretch Eels won’t look suspicious until it’s too late.

    This evening was particularly beautiful – we were done very late and there were many stars in the sky, the fish seemed to like it, too. And then, when I was done cleaning, I saw that I had missed comms from Porky and mom – Porky wanted me to comfort him over his dad’s next mission and when I did not reply after five minutes or so, he sent an ALL CAPS MESSAGE, asking me if I was on a date with somebody else. He thought it was…Rende, out of all beings. DOES HE REALLY THINK I WOULD BREAK THE LAW LIKE THAT? Then he either commed *my* mom to complain, or they’re equal wermos sometimes – a SPECIAL breed thereof. Her messages were anxious and she thought I was with Dak. I THINK I’D RATHER DIE.

    We argued about that over what was, ironically, our favourite dinner – mashed orange topatoes (I don’t like them just because they’re orange, no comra-dee!) spiced with tomo and Endorian chicken in mustard, iris honey and breadcrumbs. Mom thins that Dak teases me because he likes me. Branna, who joined us along with Ebe and Kutuya – laughed at that and said that liking a being looks different. Mom then claimed that dad flirted like this. Ummm…whatever.

    I wanted to change the subject, so I told them all about the Naboo fish. That was when Branna raised her eyebrow and stroked her own whiskers, in this…strangely pensive manner. I asked her what was that about and the answer surprised me – before the rise of Palpatine as the Galactic Emperor and the only man worthy of the power of Their Majesties, the Sacorrian Triad, our system’s denizens used to be misinformed and think Naboo was a mythical planet that does not exist. That’s kind of…funny, and weeeeeird at the same time, given the level of technology that we often boost about and take pride in. Ohwell…even the most progressive ones make mistakes, don’t they?

    In the end, mom asked me what those “ugly boots” were about. I said that they were a hand-me-down from Comradette Nola and she said that they don’t go well with my “enormous hips”. I commed Porky about that and he said that large hips mean fertility, which is progressive. I think that’s the first time he complimented me, so I raised a glass of Barriaga Sparkling Water to it. Perhaps we do have a future together after all…if he said that, then I am sure that he thinks I’m pretty and nobody else does! Nobody!

    // SUBMIT DATA




    Footnotes
    Bio Research Institute in CenSacc is fanon.

    If you have previously read “Midday Darkness/The Light Is Me, I Am The Light”, you may recognise the last name Steurpa, from a passing mention from Dyeke's basic school years.

    Scalefish are canon and named after music notes.

    Tomo-spice is canon. This very board’s foodie thread has its name in it.

    Orange topatoes would be something like sweet potatoes.

    Iris honey is made of Sacorrian Iris. Of course, there’s a mildly narcotic variant for the residents of Curheg, which is also sold offworld as a recreational drug, unbeknownst to Sacorrians themselves. It’s stronger when used for baking, as a filling. Think “space cakes”.

    Barriaga Sparkling Water is named after Barriaga, one of the six rivers that flow into the seventh, Priga, in greater Saccorata.
     
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  16. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Glad things are going a bit better for Doria, but Porky ... oh, Doria should NOT trust a boy who compliments her on her hips (much less talks about fertility so openly like she's some kind of brood mare) and trash-talks her the rest of the time. [face_nail_biting]

    (I mean, seriously - that is some creepy-possessive sexist [face_pig] shavit right there. :mad:Run, Doria, run!)

    Plus, of course, her mother has to take a cheap shot at her. :(

    And Branna's reaction about Naboo is ... interesting, to say the least. Maybe they were trying to control citizens' access to information about the rest of the galaxy for far longer than I'd thought (I no longer have my copy of Suns of Fortune, so I'm not as up to date on Corellian Sector details as I was ...). [face_thinking]
     
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  17. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 26, 2016
    Hi EP,

    I have a lazy satuday so I could read this from start to finish.

    Firstly, excellently written as usual with a great voice - very authentic - and emotional strength. The jargon all adds up, and you have a good eye for names (I always struggle with them). Cavernous made me laugh. The level of detail you put into everything is breathtaking. How do you find time for all this???

    This is the first time I've seen the Empire portrayed in such a 1984-esque way. Though totalitarianism always adds up to the same thing to me, I feel like the progressives kid themselves they're in it for the comrades/ettes a bit more than the "Imperialists" who are at least honest about their fascism.

    Your planet and this society is interesting. I think your progressives are making a mistake in their main deviation from the doctrines in 1984 - it's allowing the family unit to thrive that will bring them down. Maybe that's where this story is going? You started with the angst from a father's death. The order of this world has no chance against the power of teenage emotions running through this in all caps lol.

    I think this is good enough that you could take it out of the GFFA and let it stand on its own two feet. Future Earth story?

    Anyway. Nice job! What's the target word count for concluding this?


    K.
     
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  18. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 22, 1999
    So many interesting things in this brief entry!

    The experimental pond sounds lovely and fascinating. It's good to see Doria find something that brings her satisfaction on several levels--the pleasure of doing a good job, the creativity of working with traditional methods, and of course the aesthetic satisfaction that seeing the stars reflecting in the pond [face_love] The image of the stars reflecting in the pond and in the fishes' eyes is so beautiful. It's too bad that Comradette Malokio can't see that Doria truly does have an artist's soul and encourage her, but at least she's found a good role model in Comradette Steurpa. It's unusual to find a woman on Saccoria who believes in doing one's best and following one's heart rather than conforming to institutionalized notions of progressiveness.

    Then we have dear Porky Pork Butt. He never improves, does he? Oh, Doria must drop everything to comfort poor little Porky about his daddy's mission, when he couldn't be bothered to respond to her father's DEATH. :mad: And then that "compliment" about Doria's hips...grrrr. So sad that this is the first compliment he's offered to Doria...and sadder that she believes this is his way of telling her she's beautiful :( Doria, a future with him is no future you want. Dump his porky shebs before it's too late!

    The comments about Naboo are also quite interesting, first that the government controlled information so tightly that Branna believed it was mythical, and then that Doria thinks it's so sophisticated because it's Palpatine's homeworld. That's some serious government control and propaganda going on there. *shudder*

    And I'm with Branna: Dak's kind of "teasing" (and by teasing, I mean "harassment") does NOT mean he likes her. It means he's a jerk. The fact that Maris says this is the way Elesandre "flirted" with her is another sad, telling comment about their relationship.

    Another great entry'; keep it up =D=
     
  19. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Go Comradette Steurpa! It's so refreshing to see that Doria has found a mentor who is so caring and encouraging, and who actively encourages Doria to follow her own heart and talents even though she knows her (Doria's) ultimate path will end up being different from her own. And Trudee deserves much respect, too, for encouraging those values in her daughter.

    These visits to the pond are just what Doria needs right now. Not only is she working with someone who actually gives a darn about her, she's learning some really amazing new things (though yes, these ideas about the Emperor still do need to be adjusted...), and she gets some quiet time to reflect in a beautiful natural setting on her own—something she hasn't had much of in the course of this story. The fish and the details about them are of course super cool (calling Kahara, whom this part instantly reminded me of :) ), but I am guessing that the main takeaway for Doria will have to do with those star reflections she sees in the fishes' eyes and in the water: the dynamics of reflection, of seeing, being seen, and eventually charting them into some all-new and yet very familiar territory. [face_love] (Yes, leitmotif spotted! :D )

    Now, these scalefish (very punny :p )... yes, the species names you have here all refer to degrees of the Western musical scale, and particularly the major scale, though one of them isn't like the others—See (si) is a chromatically raised sol (scale degree 5, called the dominant), while the others are all the normal diatonic scale degrees. And besides do, where the scale starts and ends, the dominant is one of the structurally important notes of the scale, so raising it a half step adds some... instability in a place where there usually is stability. Possible symbolism/foreshadowing/etc.? :p ;)

    And then, right after those beautiful moments, she has to go triage Porky and all his silly unwarranted jealousy. o_O I can only echo what the others have said about Porky—he's baaaad news, and the more I see of him the more creepy he gets. You're a big boy, you'll be fine for five minutes without a text from her! And that hip comment... just... what? But it does take two... and since we were talking about scales, Doria's still got scales over her eyes if she considers that a genuine compliment! :eek: Branna (good old Branna! [face_love] ) gives wise counsel here: liking someone looks very different from either the kind of teasing Dak does or the progressive-fertility-hips balderdash Porky sees fit to dispense. I hope that it won't be too long before Doria is at the point where she really can take that advice to heart. <3

    The Sacorrian view of Naboo and whether or not is real has of course come up in your other Sacorrian oeuvres, but here it's kind of turned on its head: I remember how gobsmacked Lil was to learn that Naboo was a real place (hope I'm remembering that right), and now Doria is kind of surprised to find out that there was a time when people on her planet thought that Naboo wasn't a real place! The rise of the Empire, being as it is headed by a Naboo native, probably is at the heart of that. [face_thinking]
     
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  20. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Thank you all, for comments and likes. :D




    I say that there's more hope for the world each time a grown-up man says something against Porky and the Porkys of our world. @};- :) Because I know people who'd consider most of his poodoo to be NORMAL BEHAVIOUR.

    Maris isn't necessarily mean on purpose. The more you discover about Elesandre Vorr, the more it will make sense. He's at the end of my joint OC Challenge/Holiday Love challenge response and he'll be in my Before story at some point. Maris' behaviour is her defense mechanism, and she just can't grasp the obvious fact that Doria ISN'T Elesandre and that there's no need to confront her for the sake of it. :(

    The red boots are a big deal in this one romantic comedy with Sandra Bullock...now, if I could only remember the name.

    Nah, Suns of Fortune doesn't mention anything about it, I improvised. But in my last year's DDC, in one of the earlier chapters, Lil's genuinely confused to find out that Naboo is real, about one year before Palpatine became the Emperor.

    Wonderful. :) :) :)

    It pours out of me and I have been out of any kind of work for a couple of months, but it isn't much different when I can work. It happens.

    And Cavernus' name explains a lot about her...function, as per others' comments. She is literally a cavern. :(

    Yup! They are...double-indoctrinated, as the Sacorrian regime had to make its own version of the Empire to present to comrades and comradettes and explain why it's a good thing.

    This is a very interesting theory. But they have a system to prevent it - population control in the biggest city (like in China, fanon), not allowing anybody to marry an offworlder (canon) and a school system that kills everything in you and makes you obedient (fanon).

    But...[hl='black']one of the future stories MIGHT be going there, yup, yup, yup[/hl]!

    I did think about it. Thanks for encouragement. :) But I'd still want to ask Roger McBride Allen if I can credit him for the tiny bits of Sacorria that inspired me, as I am not a crook. My name is Disco and I'm a parakeet, bird to your mother. :eek:

    The last year's DDC, to my horror and surprise, went over 60K. During the Word Race, this one was written for up to the second half of the year and that plus headers and footers for all the remaining entries is about 27 K. I can't see this one go over 60K, but it will probably reach the NaNo minimum word limit of 50 and it will have reached the board's own epic limit when I'm inspired enough to finish the June 28th entry and write the July ones, or at least some of them.

    I didn't think it was brief! But now that you said it, it appears to be the shortest one for the first half of the year. :eek:

    Now...where have we seen that before?

    Major spoiler for you, since you didn't read my Before story and finish the last year's DDC:

    Pantareah's grandmother, Trudee is now retired, but back in the days, she was Dyeke/Lil's biology teacher in Sublata. They were probably relocated for a reason, because Sacorria.

    Porky Pork Butt and his daddy both need to burn on Arcadia, I think.

    And this also implies that he was offering her backhanded insults before...you know, like negging. Where could she have gotten the thing about her figure being "breakable" from?

    TRUE COMRADES ALWAYS FIND THE RIGHT WAY TO PRESENT SOMETHING TO THE REST OF THE MOTHERWORLD.

    Dak is worse than Elesandre, but Elesandre was an idiot of his own class, too. He might not have been sexually violent like these modern boys, but yeah, a persuasive stalker type who always got in trouble, yes.

    ...and not just her daughter. :)

    "Go where you, little pond...never be seen, my soul..."

    It's her own getaway, a safe space, call it whatever you want. And it's a vision of its own, too...

    Oh my Force, you're right - that's SO Kahara ! :)

    And YES, YES, YES-UH, YOU SPOTTED IT. :D

    I had no idea, I got their names from the Wook, just like I did for Emerald Wine. And we say do re mi fa sol la SI do here, so the new nomenclature is something I constantly have to remind myself of. So, this si is...interesting and kind of fitting. I like.

    Plus, hey [hl='black']...music is important in The Black Star and further on. And See as a "new" Sol...[/hl] HEY, THIS WORKS. THIS WORKS WONDERS.

    I was inspired by people's real relationship stories and behaviour of some of my clients, as well as my first cousin once removed. JUST DON'T BOTHER ME IF I AM NOT RESPONDING UNLESS WE'RE SUPER-CLOSE, like, say, you and I!

    Perfect comparison, another thing that came up spontaneously, that I hadn't thought of before. :)

    She also knows everything about body part fetishisation, because she happens to be a big-chested Drall, which most of them aren't. And she's allergic to that kind of stuff.

    [hl='black']Of course, Doria will wake up from this poodoo![/hl]

    Yes, you're remembering that right. And yes, the last sentence explains the rest of the comment - now it's SUITABLE for Naboo to exist in Sacorrian starmaps because it's PROGRESSIVE. Back then, it was a place where people WERE NOT DISCIPLINED ENOUGH and SELF-EXPRESSION WAS BEYOND CONTROL.
     
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  21. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    write a note-compartment item

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    // The Sarlacc Can Move And It Will Swallow Maris and Doria!
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    Poodo. Kriff. Poodo. Poodoo. Poodoo. KRIFFIN’ POODOO.

    Aunt Lumia from Xyquine II is here and she will be here for about four days. I hope that she never comes back again, because I hate her. I truly hate her. If I ever said that mom had no soul, that was nothing compared to this bantha saw from HELL PROPER. I withdraw all I said about CCR, Dak, Jax’s choice in women, Jax’s schutta, Comradette Malokio and that “talented” student from SUPAS – AUNT LUMIA IS THE FIRST WHO SHOULD BE SHOVED INTO THE SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLE!!!

    Mind you, this is only the second time that I saw her – she was here four years ago and dad was not a happy gizka about it. He refused to be her personal chauffeur all around Saccorata and give her a ride to the Triad Mountain for a “mystical” experience that makes no sense to anybody even remotely progressive. She did not want to sleep in our den and I had to go pick her up at Hotel Unity and ride the air taxi with her each time. Mom’s reasoning was that Lumia was hurt by dad, but guess what? She does not sleep here now when dad’s dead, either. Does she think we’re dirty or something? Yes, we don’t have a housekeeping droid, or a modified mouse droid, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t clean the place. I offered to borrow one of those from Comradette Nola and Jan was eager to transport it to our place, but mom did not want to owe to the Katisvers. She is just too proud sometimes.

    Aunt Lumia told us that she was coming where she was already here – with absolutely no regards for anything we could have been up to, mom’s obligations at the Museum and mine at FAIS. She said that she had been at this resort below the Triad Mountain, for the “black light rejuvenation programme” in a nearby spa and that she had caught a cold. We told her to get Perigen and the klua root remedy, but she said that there was no settlement nearby. After 3-4 almost endless comms between her and mom and my quick search on SacorNet, we had somebody in Sublata deliver her the medicines in return for a small favour. AND THEN LUMIA ASKED US TO BOOK HER A REPULSORTRAIN RIDE FROM SUBLATA TO SACCORATA. She could not do it herself, because it’s “too complicated”. I managed to find her a ticket and we waited for her at wermo hours in the morning at the arrivals terminal…

    …solely to miss her. Her repulsortrain’s pilot-droid was more progressive than expected, so she arrived earlier, “her comm broke” and she went to the hotel all by herself. We had to take an airtaxi just to get there before she’s all kriffed off at us.

    To my surprise, she wasn’t. She said that I looked good for a Sacorrian and that she had gifts for us. But then we saw those gifts – mine was an ugly pink overtunic one size too big that looked like something somebody of mom’s age should wear and mom’s was a bunch of kitchen utensils from some Royal Jubilee on Xyquine II – they all had the date of the Jubilee engraved on them…

    …the very date dad passed away. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS. We sent her a hypergram about it, knowing that she “hates datapads”, yet she DOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS. It’s like a stab to our hearts. I could see that mom’s hands were shaking, I held her hand, but she stepped on my foot, subtly, and signalled that we should not say anything, because it’s Lumia. I was against this – she should have known how much she hurt us. IT ALMOST LOOKED LIKE A DELIBERATE PROVOCATION AND ABSOLUTE DISREGARD FOR OUR MOURNING!!!

    Perhaps all that stuff is from some squibstore, anyway. It’s not like I have ever got a proper gift from Aunt Lumia before – she sent me a pair of socks almost a decade ago and last year, a box of coloured styluses that did not contain small parts and are, therefore, suitable for younglings under five standard years of age. She never brought anything to mom and dad, or anybody else we know – and this one time, Aunt Iris crocheted a synthwooll cardigan for her…Aunt Iris, who is not even a member of her family!

    We suggested that we should go for a lunch together. Lumia accepted and said that I should be the one to recommend a restaurant. I opted for Old Berrsia in the Spaceport City Mall, with the best grilled nerf in the city, according to offworlders. Mom and I ordered a platter of mixed sonic grill – bantha sliders, nerf kabobs and the like, with a generous helping of topatoes fried on snowgrape oil. Lumia? Heh…she ordered a bowl of suri-bean stew, because it reminded her of childhood on her Homeworld. Mom discretely sent me a comm-text to tell me that she thinks Lumia is being humble because the meal was likely on us. That was not true, because she insisted on paying for it herself. And theeeeen, after we were all done, she said that she was wrong and that she didn’t have enough credits on hand. So, mom paid for all of it. How…sneaky. I am not holding my hopes that the next lunch will be on Lumia!

    But still, she seemed kind of…shy. Like...she mellowed with age. So, since she expressed the desire to see as much of Saccorata as possible, in-between her Celestial-channeling Drall healer appointments and a meditation session at Historical Caves of Selonian Pioneers (What the Kriff? WHAT THE KRIFF TO BOTH???), I told her not to feel uncomfortable around us and tell us about everything she wants to see, because we’re her only living family, after all. I told her about glideboat rides on the Confluence of Western and Southern Arriaga, Barriaga, Aruglia, Pizozza and Divo, where all these rivers are absorbed by Priga. I told her about those one-day tours to the Dorthus Tal City, the Cobble Stone Square and the Square Building’s visitors’ session. I told her about group roadtrips to historical sections of Sarcophagus. And she just kept on nodding to it.

    The next morning, I slept in because it was Sacorday and when I woke up, mom told me that Lumia already called and asked why I did not book any of those tours that she never decided to take or made us know that she was interested. She also criticised mom for my assumption that she, Lumia, was shy and said that Sacorrian upbringing is scandalous.

    “Younglings need to spend a year in the Imperial Army, both boys and girls. This is how we do it on Xyquine, the civilised place that is progressive for real.” – yes, that’s what she said. Mom records all comms by habit, as dad was often needed for last-minute work and she played me that. I…don’t believe it. I don’t want to believe it. AND HOW DARE SHE CLAIM THAT ANY PLACE WAS MORE PROGRESSIVE?

    Also, how dare she think that she is a Xyquiner? Like, prooooog…you were born on Sacorria, you married a Clone Wars army dropout and moved to a fancy planet with its bantha poodoo monarchy – monarchy is the least progressive thing in the Universe! This Galaxy, at least!

    I almost missed the race because of her. This one was Jax’s favourite – the Kuat Drive Yards Pride. AND WOW, WOW, WOW, HE FINISHED IT. He came in 16th out of 18 that finished the race, but HE FINISHED IT. MY WOOKIEE-OOKIEE.

    I texted Tendra, Jan, Zana and Porky about it – Tendra and Jan said it was great, Zana asked me who Jax was again and Porky told me that I was probably near the “squicky monthly thing” because I act “like a non-sentient in heat”. Is he referring to…periods? Does he really not know that the heights of the oestrus and copulation are most likely halfway during a cycle? He could have asked his sister about it and I told him so. He then added that women should learn how to hold it, anyway, like men with prostate issues do.

    My…my boyfriend thinks that women urinate uncontrollably once per month. And he wants to get married and have younglings. And he has a 5 in homeworld biology. And I just…I just thought that he respected me more after that thing where he said that hips were a good thing.

    I commed Gredda and she actually replied from work – she said that she did not like Porky and that he isn’t much better than Dak. Now, that was TOO MUCH. Sure he doesn’t say good things, but he doesn’t say bad things, either. Is she jealous because we don’t get to spend much time for up to a week if her free time clashes with his visits? I ACTUALLY ASKED HER THAT and she said that I know that she would never think anything that was against me or say anything that does not benefit me – on top of it, she thinks that I am actually upset because of Lumia and that I cannot think straight. WHAT?

    I…I just don’t know if anybody ever had respect and love for me sometimes!!!

    // SUBMIT DATA




    Footnotes

    Lumia is based on one of my and my mother's relatives who lives in Switzerland. Almost everything in this and next entry happened in some form, regardless of how outrageous it may look like to you. Since her actual name IRL is one of those inspired by the word "light", I played it off the Legends villain name, Lumiya.

    Klua root remedy is fanon. Just like the “black light rejuvenation programme”, it’s alternative medicine. I’m not a big fan of that stuff and I openly mock it here.

    Royal Jubilee - Xyquine II is a monarchy, so why not have a Royal Jubilee.

    Hypergram – Something like a telegram. A recorded holographic message. Fanon.

    Spaceport City Mall is located in the area that offworlders can visit with no restrictions, in the circle of the Sacorria Central Spaceport. Fanon.

    Old Berssia would be a restaurant inspired by a place here in Belgrade, Stara Hercegovina. Just like its RL counterpart, it’s lauded for its tr00 Sacorrian food. Fanon.

    Bantha sliders would be equivalents of plain beef burgers. Fanon.

    Nerf kabobs would be equivalents of plain pork ćevapčići. And yes, we eat a lot of barbecue in Serbia. Fanon.

    Snowgrape oil is made from the grape species produced near the Southern Pole of Sacorria that can stand freezing temperatures. It’s a GFFA equivalent of the grapeseed oil. Fanon.

    Suri-beans would be native to Sacorria and a lot like plain white kidney beans.

    Suri-bean stew is made with suri-beans soaked in water overnight and then cooked with smoked meat and pieces of racotts that Raccotia, one of the other Sacorrian provinces, was named after. Note the spelling error similar to the one in “Saccorata”, compared to “Sacorria”. Fanon, all of it.

    Comm-text would be a plain text message.

    Historical Caves of Selonian Pioneers are fanon. And likely fake.

    Glideboat would be something similar to a regular glider.

    Western Arriaga, Eastern Arriaga, Bariaga, Aruglia, Pizozza and Divo are the tributaries of the river Priga. Their names were inspired by the ridiculous footballer (soccer player) names from two episodes of The Simpsons: The Cartridge Family and You Don’t Have to Live Like a Referee. Priga, however, is a random name, it’s some sort of an über-Danube. Fanon, all of it.

    Kuat Drive Yards Pride is one of the Core Worlds Podracing Championship Races. Fanon.

    Porky's misunderstanding of women's reproductive cycle is based on a RL viral anecdote from some months ago.
     
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2017
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  22. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Oh no, oh no. :( I see that poisonous aunts are one of those galactic universals. In every supermassive black hole, as well as in each of the nine Corellian hells, there is a very highly specialized place set aside for them, and I hope Aunt Lumia—who makes her near-namesake in Legends lore look like a regular Shari Lewis—ends up in at least one of those places sooner rather than later. [face_mad]

    I nodded my head in recognition as I read this, because I remember your telling me once about the visit from your own aunt that you mentioned in the notes and that was very much like this one. Just as then, I'm not sure I know what the worst part of all this is, because it's all so abysmal... her refusal to stay with her own family members (just what?!), the stinginess on the lunch date, the deliberate communications breakdowns on the subject of transportation, the constant belittling, the non-listening when Doria tries to answer her own questions about what there is to see in the city, the attitude that Doria and Maris are her servants whom she can get to do whatever she wants for her, the insensitive gifts... it's just one insult or injury piled up on another, on and on ad infinitum, for a four days that are worse than the nine hells. :( (Plus, Force knows Sacorria has its problems, and we know [hl=black]Doria will learn all about them soon enough[/hl]... but geeze Louise, you don't diss the homeworld that's hosting you, for crying out loud—especially when it's actually your own homeworld too! :rolleyes:)

    OK, and on top of that, Mr. P. McPorkButts once again rears his piggy head with even creepier crud than ever before. :eek:—though what's arguably :eek:er is the RL basis for this to which you link in your notes. Sacorria to Doria: the hot topato approach is urgently called for! And P.S.—Gredda's right! (Though when, of course, is she ever not right? :cool: ) One thing, at least, is that now Doria seems a little more hip (!) to the true nature of Porky's hip comment in the previous installment, and maybe this is where she'll start beginning to realize the true nature of this particular beast... [face_pig]
     
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  23. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 22, 1999
    Agreeing with Findswoman that hellish relatives (complete with inauspicious names) are universal, and Doria seems to have a real doozy in Lumia. Her gifts are so thoughtful (and by thoughtful, I mean "completely thoughtless")! :p Despite the fact that she has enough money to stay at fancy hotels and indulge in crazy "medicinal" treatments, she seems bent on giving the cheapest, worst, most insulting gifts ever. What's next, a single used tissue and a wad of pre-chewed gum? I do, however love the term "squibstore" for the kind of store where you might find such, er, treasures. (I don't know whether a certain Squib shopkeeper on Coruscant would be flattered or offended by it). Lumia is the worst kind of guest, abusing Doria and Maris's hospitality at dinner, being vague about her plans, and insulting when they fail to cater to her every unspoken whim.

    And more poodoo from Porky Pork Butts, who apparently doesn't understand basic human biology. "Squicky monthly stuff?" Ok, what are you, twelve years old? And "acting like a non-sentient in heat?' :eek: Way to imply that women are completely controlled by hormones, thanks. But, hey, at least that leaves us rational three-quarters of the month, unlike Porky! I've said it before, and I'll say it again: run, Doria, run!

    Bravo for turning all your real life trials with relations into such an entertaining entry =D=
     
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  24. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 18, 2008
    EP - Another excellent update, and my sympathies about your aunt. I think I must be one of the luckiest people on Earth, in that all of my relatives treat each other with basic respect. :)

    Lumia certainly sounds like a handful. :oops:At first, I was going to assume she was just eccentric, but there were decided cruelties in there that just made me :mad:. (And pretending that she was better than the rest of the Saccorians? Much less that crack about mandatory military service for youth? Ah - no thank you, Lumia. [face_shame_on_you]).

    And Porky ... wow. [face_plain] He just keeps getting worse, somehow (of course, that said, I know how low men can go, and it's not pretty).

    Doria - listen to Gredda, you should. :yoda: (Been wanting an excuse to use that Yoda icon. :p)
     
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  25. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Comments coming up. I'm late - again! >_<


    Replies to comments added on November 27th, 2017. :)




    I wasn't aware of Shari Lewis. Now I know something new.

    And LOL at the bolded part. [face_rofl]

    Funny enough, her 2017 visit turned out just right. I am not sure...perhaps her cosmic powers helped her find out about this fanfic and she became self-aware? :p

    Can't decide which is the worst of these, either. There's got to be a sliding scale of Lumia-poodoo, but I think that attempting to compile it would result in a major HEADASPLODE.

    [​IMG]

    He should have been dropped from Sarcophagus...dropping him like a plain hot topato just isn't enough and can't be enough! :p

    Love the pun, too!


    She draws her gift inspiration from Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, through her trans-dimensional astral bodies of light.

    Let's ask Findswoman. ;)

    And I totally forgot that I had made up that word. OMG. Now I'm laughing at it, too.

    She and Porky would get along well, wouldn't they?

    Twelve would be too old for him. :p He's an embryo. :p

    LOL at the bolded part! [face_rofl]

    In a way, it was actually fun! I must be crazy.

    Let's swap. O_O

    She is, well, both. Sadly. As she ages, a third thing may start creeping up...but given just how messed up she is, we will never know for sure!

    A man who admits that about other men is a decent man in my world. @};- Screw the "bros before hos" attitude!

    Eventually, I ended up putting it in my signature, too. Perhaps it can make people do things. :yoda:8-}
     
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