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Saga - PT [DDC 2018] "Even Without a Voice", Ahsoka Tano Diary, Song!verse - New Updates!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Mira_Jade , Jul 2, 2018.

  1. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Feb 27, 2014
    HOORAY, IT’S ALIVE! [face_dancing] In other words, I’m so thrilled to see this wonderful story up and running again! And it's especially thrilling to see Ahsoka about to embark on a new chapter of her post-Jedi life as she arrives on Corellia. Love the heartfelt goodbyes; Demir totally goes above and beyond in passing on her sister's information in order to help Ahsoka find a situation and settle in. Han is, once again, such a dear—he too has proven himself a good friend to Ahsoka, and he really and truly did play a vital role in saving the bacon of everyone on board that ship. And OOH ooh ooh, I see what you did there with his gift of the two kyber crystals! :D What an amazing, life-changing gift for Ahsoka at this juncture—and not just because Han knows that "kyber crystal -> lightsaber -> Jedi" but also because he too went the extra mile, "doing his homework" to find out that Ahsoka did indeed used to wield two sabers. The crystals may seem "curious" and not totally sure about Ahsoka just yet, but I have a feeling she and they will come to know and appreciate each other very much. :) Her ruminations on past friendships with her troops area wonderful juxtaposition with the current friendships, as she comes to the realization that her truest friends have been outside the Jedi (though Anakin's definitely an exception)—and yet that's still very much balanced with the feeling that she can't give up on the Force just yet, nor it on her. And finally, even the goodbye to Asajj is very heartfelt in its way; these two seem to have, at very least, some genuine respect for each other now, and it's infinitely encouraging that Asajj doesn't seem quite so snippy with her anymore.

    So yes, Ahsoka's making "a brand new start of it in old Coronet," but given the importance of these new frienships she's made—and given how important I know the theme of friendship is in your stories—I can't help but wonder if she'll encounter Demir, Han, or Asajj again in the course of this story (of of this 'verse). Also I really do hope she will be able to hear the magnificent Cteibuciiir perform again sometime soon; that incredible instrument's song has already touched Ahsoka in a very deep and Force-filled way. (And no worries, " [face_whistling] " is a perfectly acceptable response to either of those hopes for now! :D ) Once again, thanks so much for continuing Ahsoka's saga—I'm enjoying every moment and loving where it's going. @};-
  2. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The Fanfic Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Jun 29, 2004
    At least that's one problem solved, you're too right! Ahsoka is well on her way, even if she may not feel like it herself at times. [face_love]

    Thank-you! Ahsoka has always been a unique character in that way - a Jedi, but not - and I am all sorts of happy to continue exploring that here. [face_love] And Han is just all sorts of lovable; I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed including him in this story. I am thrilled to hear that you're enjoying his characterization too.

    Thank you for reading, my friend, as always! I hope that you continue to enjoy this story as it grows. [face_love] [:D]

    IT'S ALIVE!!!! I'm glad that you're excited to see this tale revived - it's good to see you back, as well! At first I was worried that my hiatus had stretched on just too long. :oops: [face_blush]

    That turned out to be just the perfect segue that I quite stumbled into by accident for Ahsoka. That's one question down - and a way for her to see old friends returned someday down the road, of course. [face_love]

    I just adored writing Han at this point in his life. He's street-smart and he's seen the ugly side of the galaxy, but he's not quite weighed down by cynicism yet. And I can totally just imagine a little boy watching the 'Net plaster Anakin's stories as the Hero Without Fear across their headlines as wartime propaganda and sucking it all in with wide eyes. Of course, through his hero worship, he'd want to help Ahsoka be a 'Jedi' as much as he can. He has a big heart; but then, he always does, even when he tries not to. [face_love]

    And oh, Ahsoka and these crystals are going to be quite the pair, lemme tell you. Even if it's not quite love at first sight, they'll get there. :p [face_mischief]

    It really is fascinating exploring the Jedi Order at this time! They are trying so hard as a whole, but in many ways the dogmas they choose to stick to and those they choose to bend and even outright ignore, especially during wartime, are mind-boggling. Especially with watching TCW, you can really, really see where Anakin's experiences are all culminating to him snapping in RoTS. It's heartbreaking, to say the least, and I'm looking forward to exploring that more - and then subverting that for a happy ending here, of course! ;)

    But watching Ahsoka grow up from a bit of a cheeky thirteen year old brat (gotta love her, even still :p) to a strong, confident young woman and warrior was a great part of TCW. That, in a large part, was due to the bonds she forged with others. She's a lot like Anakin, in that way. There's a reason Yoda put them together! So while she feels adrift now, she really is on the best path for herself. The Force will see to that. [face_love]

    I don't at all feel like I'm spoiling anything to say that all roads will come full circle! And, in keeping with the spirit of friendship and found family and all of those wonderful things, Ahsoka will definitely meet these dear few again. [face_love]

    I can't thank you enough for reading, once more! I hope that you continue to enjoy Ahsoka's tale as it continues. [:D]

    ~MJ @};-

    Last edited: Sep 23, 2019
  3. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The Fanfic Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Jun 29, 2004
    Entry XVIII

    It took me ages just to get out of the spaceport in Coronet. Ships from all over the galaxy were gathered in the hectic business of imports and exports, and there was a thick throng of people trying to make their way through customs all at once. I spent a few hours of my life I felt I would never get back waiting in the seemingly endless line and then taking my turn with a CorSec border agent to review my travel documents and discuss my reasons for journeying to Corellia. Eventually I was waved through after being made a whole of a lot wiser about the process I’d need to undergo if I wanted to make this planet my home for anything longer than the standard three month visa they approved me for. I could figure out what I wanted next from my life in that time, I was reasonably certain. Three months? Sure; easy peasy; no sweat. And, if not . . .

    . . . well, I’d figure out how to bridge that chasm when I came to it. For now, I could only live one day at a time.

    The ride on the hover-train from the spaceport to Coronet gave me a beautiful view of the pale, plunging cliffs that made up the coastline of the East Sea. There were coves carved out of the rocky shoreline, dusted with dunes of fine white sand, while white capped waves frothed at the cliffs and the surf playfully lapped at the beaches below. There were many people of several different species out enjoying the southern hemisphere’s summer season in one or another form of recreation. Further out on the glittering turquoise waters, pleasure vessels dotted the calm currents with their brightly coloured solar sails, while barges heavy with ore and other goods made the trek to Coronet across the water from the mining cities of Kolene and Meseprys. Inwards from the coastline, we passed modest residential communities between the spaceport and the beginnings of the city proper, and then the urban sprawl quickly turned dense as it rose into the towering spires and sweeping architecture that dominated the heart of Coronet City. I knew that I must have looked like a tourist with my face pressed up close to the duraglass, but I was enjoying myself and couldn't quite begin to care. I’d seen a hundred different worlds during my time with the GAR, true, but I didn’t usually notice the scenery around me while we were on campaigns planetside. I was usually too focused on the mission at hand, missions that were built around liberating – or preventing – Republic worlds from falling into Separatist control when they had no interest in seceding otherwise. There was no time for sight-seeing under that mandate; there couldn’t be, not if we were doing our jobs right as keepers of the peace. But, now I could enjoy my surroundings for what they were, and leave it at that. There was no one here to fight, I told myself, no day to save or anyone but myself to stand up tall and strong for. In some ways, the inherent freedom in that feeling was liberating; in other ways, it was absolutely terrifying. Currently, I was leaning more to the latter, though I stubbornly tried to squash my fear down. I didn't have time for fear, not now.

    The address Demír gave me for her sister’s shop was close to the coastline, by the docks that made up the beginnings of Treasure Ship Row. Before I immersed myself in exploring the city, there were practical things to take care of. First things first, I found a respectable looking waystation and rented a room from an elderly Drallan woman who still kept her records in a massive volume of honest-to-goodness hardbound flimsi. I’ll admit that I blinked and stared for a moment, taken by the novelty – both of the book, and of the proprietor. I’d never met a Drall before; I only knew about them in theory. Her people were rarely found beyond the Corellian system, or even planet Drall itself, for that matter. She was a tiny thing, about a height with Master Yoda, and covered with short reddish-grey fur. Her only ornamentation was a necklace of beads made from some glossy, dark grey ore. A pendant with a single red stone hung alongside the beads on a jade-green chain. Her face was delicate and her eyes large, her ears wide and expressive. She had a voice that chirped as she gave me a key, outlining the inn’s schedule of activities and amenities before telling me to enjoy my stay on Corellia. At first, I’d felt apprehensive about the idea of renting a room for any long period of time, but I felt better about my choice after meeting Neevah ‘el Nalv.

    The room Neevah showed me to was small, but clean. The floorplan was open, with a bed and chest of drawers squished into one corner and a tiny kitchenette in the corner closest to the door. Bracketing both, there was a sitting area with a single sofa and a modest holoscreen propped up on a table that served as another set of drawers for storage. A door led to a cramped ‘fresher unit that reminded me of the accommodations aboard the Resolute, but in that there was familiarity at least. I was just grateful that my job with the Shirkes had made it so that I didn’t have to take on a roommate – or settle for one of the rooms with a shared communal ‘fresher. I was happy to count my blessings.

    My favourite aspect of the room, though, was its window. The single pane of duraglass was larger than I would have first expected, and it overlooked one of the coastal canals and green fronds of the subtropical trees lining the streets below. Through the white-washed buildings opposite of the waystation, I could even glimpse the ocean. That little luxury was more than enough for me.

    It didn’t take me long to settle in. I emptied my pack of my few belongings, and neatly placed my things in the set of drawers. With a wince, I admitted that I needed to buff up my nearly nonexistent wardrobe. The battle dress I wore as a Jedi wouldn’t have much place here. It would be smart to see about finding something appropriate to wear before calling on a prospective employer.

    As a final touch, I put Jesse’s sketchbook down on the single small table in the kitchenette, there to stay as a sort of centerpiece. It was a good reminder to keep; a comfort, in a way. It helped mark the space as my own.

    After settling in, I considered trying to rest for a little bit – it may have been noon by Coronet’s telling, but it was near evening by the galactic standard time the Luck had kept – before deciding not to. It’d be better for me to acclimate my sleeping schedule as soon as possible, and, besides, I was curious for my surroundings and ready to explore. So I spent the rest of the day out doing a bit of retcon on the area I’d chosen to settle in. Endoume, the neighborhood was called. There were plenty of shops in old buildings full of character; some were still made of the same pale sandstone of the cliffs and painted a dazzling white, with columns and pillars used for both decoration and support. Clearly more modern, many of the buildings were topped off with copper and cobalt and sea-green panes of a glossy material, built to compliment the heritage of the neighborhood rather than overwhelm it completely. I liked my surroundings; the architecture felt more intimate, even earthy, than the tall spires closer to the heart of the capital I had glimpsed on our approach.

    While I walked, I tried to pick up on the current fashion trends by observing the locals, but it was hard to pin down a single unifying look with the diversity of the populace this close to Treasure Ship Row. So, giving up, I finally picked a random resale shop on a whim. Thankfully, my impulse decision turned out to be a good choice. There was a young Human girl named Irini minding the counter within, with an easy grin and a rolling Corellian accent. Her eyes lit up to sincerely compliment my colouring when I entered, and she was quick and eager to help me browse when I admitted that I didn't have a clue what I was looking for. She said that she’d never met a Togruta before – which was far from shocking, as my kind didn’t usually strike out on their own; traders and explorers, we most certainly were not – and she had ideas as for what would look good on me. I’m glad that she did, because I wouldn’t have had a clue of where to begin otherwise by myself.

    It was . . . nice, in its own way, doing something so normal with another girl roughly my age. The closest I had come to this was when I had picked out my current battle dress after my last growth surge. Barriss had come with me, and we’d giggled and forgot the war and our role as Padawan commanders entirely as we tried sillier and sillier options with the Temple clothiers -

    - but that, I was clearly not going to think about. Not then; not yet.

    I only ended up buying a few things. I was due another surge any time, and as soon as I slowed down I was nearly certain my body would decide to take advantage of my relative peace and security to let nature have its way. There was no point in purchasing something I was going to have to soon replace. But Irini helped me find lightweight leggings and sleeveless tops in shades of burgundy and olive green and deep navy blue that were hardy and practical. It was still summertime on Coronet, so finding options where my skin could breathe remained possible, for which I was thankful. I explained to her that I absorbed oxygen through my skin – which was an easier feat as my crest and headtails matured, yet it was a trick keeping between most Human standards of modesty and the honest to goodness feeling of suffocation I bore through when I wore too many layers. Thankfully, with age, that particular conundrum was lessening. Until then, I was still more than envious of Master Ti’s stunning crown of montrals and gorgeously long lekku – she could wear the full, ornate robes of a Jedi Master without complaint. With the constant stress and grind of the war, I felt like my own body was stunted, like I'd ruined my chances to grow to be half as beautiful as she was, even at full maturity. Master Ti had tried to assuage my concerns the one time I’d presented them to her, but those old doubts still shamefully lingered. Reflecting on my appearance was still a self-conscious feeling that I tried to banish whenever it crept up on me; a Jedi eschewed vanity, after all. Even away from the Order now, it wouldn’t do to focus overly much on something I couldn’t change. So . . . that was that, obviously.

    I’d picked out an outfit for meeting Demír’s sister, at the very least. There was a nice sort of confidence that came with having that decided. So, I decided to search out her shop the following morning.

    I continued to explore until it was almost evening. Then, starting to feel hungry, I picked up a slice of what the Corellians called bizzo. At first, when the vendor tried selling it to me, I tried to wave him aside, claiming my physiology as a reason before he laughed a full hearty laugh and claimed that Vizo’s Bizzeria had something for everyone, carnivorous species included. There was a Devorian and a Barabel eating just outside of the stall, so I decided to take his word for it – which was a decision I did not regret. I can now say with a hundred percent certainty that bizzo is one of the most amazing things ever: saucy and melty with juicy Corellian sausage and crisp roba bacon on top. I could have eaten an entire pie all by myself.

    My first instinct was that a delicacy like this had to be shared, but my Master . . . my men . . . Rex . . .

    . . . well, I was trying not to be melancholic as I walked the edge of the cliff-line as the sun set. It was hard, though. I’d now had a day to myself to slow down, and though I was trying not to think too closely about my circumstances, I wasn't wholly succeeding. The silence, even in the hustle and bustle of Endoume, was thick as it chased me. I . . . I’d never been truly alone before. It was a state of being that I didn’t at all care for. Not in the slightest.

    The sunset was a riot of flaming color over the East Sea, glittering like fire on the water in a fantastic display of light. When the night set in, Corellia’s three moons were visible in the night sky, as was the close proximity of planet Drall. The starry expanse was breathtaking to look up and see; just as beautiful as the sunset had been. The same as before, my first instinct was to share it, but . . . again, the place by my side was, and would remain, empty.

    When I returned to my room at the wayfarer’s house, I considered calling Rex to leave a message, but I wanted to wait until I had news to share about my employment. I’d contact him tomorrow after meeting Demír’s sister. At least, that was what I told myself. Deep down, I knew that if I tried to talk to him tonight I doubted that I would be able to keep my voice level. I really didn’t want to break down any further, and I doubly didn't want to give Rex another reason to worry about me; so, I’d give myself a day to suck it up and find my strength before checking in again. Things were good, I stubbornly tried to insist and make my heart believe. This may not have been what I wanted, not exactly, but it was the only choice I could have made and I had made my choice. My course was progressing just as well as I could have hoped for; I had to focus on the positives of my circumstances.

    That was, of course, easier said than done.

    Physically, I was exhausted, but it took me forever to get to sleep. I tossed and turned, unable to get my mind to turn off. What would happen if Demír's sister refused to hire me? I agonized. What if she did hire me? What would I do next with my life? What did I want to do next? What did the Force have in store for me? How, on that line of thought, was I going to fix my haphazard connection to the Force in the first place? How would I build my lightsabers? Did I even deserve to build them? Should I build them? Lightsabers were the weapons of a Jedi, after all, and I was no longer a Jedi by my own choice. How was Barriss faring in Temple custody? my mind spiraled down to wonder next. Did I even care how she was doing? Should I care? How was Anakin coping? I gave a wince to speculate. Had he, could he, maybe someday forgive me? Why, I thought next, incensed and hurt and frustrated all at once, did I even feel that I had to be forgiven?

    And how, all the while, was I going to get used to the Force-cursed silence all around me?

    I just . . . I wasn’t used to being alone. I always had my clan in my earliest years, and then Master Plo and my crèche-mates in the Temple. I had my fellow initiates as we all grew together, and I never once went to sleep when not surrounded by a warm cluster of familiar presences in the Force. Even aboard the Resolute I had Master Skywalker. He burned in the Force with a light I'd never sensed the equal of in another sentient being, not even Master Yoda; in some ways, he was the Force to my immaterial eyes. Alongside Anakin, I had my men, all of them. Though they weren’t the star-flares of a Jedi to my senses, they were the same as a cozy fire in their familiarity. Each one flickered in a slightly different pattern, but together they were a low, constant warmth to my heart. I could tell all of my immediate troopers apart, even when kitted up in full gear, just by how they felt in the Force, by their mannerisms and the inflections in their voice and the patterns of their speech. Rex, in particular -

    - I felt a pang of missing, then, stabbing right through my gut and twisting. Traitorously, my eyes burned.

    Any other night like this, I’d go and crash in the barracks with my men. I still did that, sometimes, when I needed to feel the tangible echo of their heartbeats and the sound of my clan breathing in my montrals – especially when Anakin was gone on missions without me. In my early days with the battalion, Rex had tried to get me to sleep in my own berth, citing decorum, but since then he knew better and just tossed me his pillow. Yet, that option was now closed to me. Instead, there was just the silence echoing against my senses, gaping like a void waiting to swallow me. I couldn’t stand it in the slightest.

    So: sleep's out of the question tonight. Instead I'm up, and recording what I can in this journal. Maybe I'll try meditating for a bit. Maybe I'll just stare out the window and listen to the distant sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs like thunder, instead.

    Tomorrow will be better, I told myself. If not tomorrow, then the next day or the day after that . . . eventually. That eventually just seemed very far away just then; impossibly so.

    It was, I knew, going to be a very long night.

    ~MJ @};-
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2019
  4. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Game Host star 7 VIP - Game Host

    Aug 31, 2004
    How lovely all the details of the Capital and the immediate neighborhood, of Neevah and Irini. That sausage/bacon pie sounded absolutely delicious! =D=
    The introspections about Barris were especially bittersweet. [face_thinking]
    Ow! To feel "alone" for the first time... :( I can just imagine it is unpleasant in the extreme. [:D] [:D]
    Mira_Jade and Findswoman like this.
  5. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Feb 27, 2014
    Ahsoka seems to be off to a fine start in her new city and neighborhood (and yes, I know calling it “hers” is putting it loosely :p ). It’s great that she was able to find a clean, well-kept apartment so quickly; Neevah seems like a friendly and hospitable landlady (always wonderful to see a Drall!). How fun that her clothes shopping errand turned into such a fun experience, girly in the best ways (is there even a bad way? ;) ) and introducing her to yet another potential new friend in Irini. (When your name means “peace,” that’s a good sign, right? :D )

    And BIZZO! A slice of piping hot real Corellian bizzo at an honest-to-goodness Corellian BIZZERIA! :D :D :D Oh, that's just the best right there—luvvitt! Seriously, though, as a stranger in a strange place, it really can be all about those little moments of enjoyment, and I am so happy that Ahsoka got to have one of those little moments at Vizo's. (Incidentally: there is an honest-to-goodness Tano's Pizzeria on the northwest side of Chicago.)

    Yes, everything’s off to a fine start—and yet almost wherever Ahsoka goes, she finds something to remind her of old times. Her clothes shopping outing brings to mind the times she did the same with Barriss, and I can imagine that just makes her (Ahsoka’s) heart hurt. :( Even her new bathroom reminds her of accommodations on the Resolute. And she just wishes she could share the good new things she has—the scrumptious bizzo, the beautiful evening view—with her old friends and comrades, her master, and of course her dear Rex. (I can picture them really digging into a good, juicy pie! :D ) Plus, the unaccustomed silence and solitude (and especially so for Ahsoka, with her Togruta physiology and background) just compounds all those wistful feelings and magnifies her own uncertainty about her future. With all these things, I can tell it's going to feel like a very long time till that "eventually" rolls around—but for now I wish I could give Ahsoka a big hug and tell her how much I know her resourcefulness and pluck will carry her through. <3

    Sending vibes of love and encouragement our heroine's way as she navigates the "eventually" and gets this new life off to a start! @};-
  6. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Dec 21, 2016
    Have I commented on this before? I can't remember. Anyway, it's great.