Saga Dear Master, Dear Padawan- The Truth Behind Anakin's Fall, humor, updated 8/3

I got behind on this. All I can say is thanks for keeping me laughing. I laughed out loud through the whole post with my hubby saying, "what? what? what is so funny?"

 

Loved the gym membership!!! LMAO Getting Hutt-like... there were so many wonderful things in this that I don't know where to begin. Oh, everything was hilarious! Great job.

 

Yeah, yeah... There be SPOILERS ahead!


Kynstar Laughter is good! I'll take it!

AnakinsHeir I hope to. I'd like to take it right through ROTJ with ghostly Obi lecturing Vader and then snorting blue ghost milk out his nose when Vader gets whacked. But that's just me!

Gina I don't want to admit that the gym membership came from real life, so I won't.

JediMasterRev For such a smart guy, Anakin is kinda...well, not so smart.

Jedi_Tigris Pretty bad when even the Jedi Master says "Oh no, not a good idea!"

Darth_Skywalker2 Thanks, it's fun to write.

Princess_Arulmozhi Yeah, I'm pretty sure that celibate thing is an act. Pretty darn sure...

Jedi_Linewalker Anakin gets kinda snarky, doesn't he?

Kazzy Oh yeah, they're definitely family!

Bekah_K I would teach him, yes I would!

Master_Noi Oh nothing dear...

dianethx Thank you!

---

[i]Dear Obi-Wan

Where my hand ends up on Padme is my business. I think you?re just jealous that you don?t get to put your hands in similar places on your own woman.

But you?d be happy to know that she practically ripped my arm off as a reward. She?s got quite a grip for such a little thing.

She?s very moody lately. Nothing I do seems right.

What in the heck am I supposed to do to make this woman happy? And by the way, she didn?t want those stupid chocolate covered slugs when I brought them to her. In fact, they made her throw up.

Anakin

P.S. Being married is very confusing. I thought being married just meant we could do "it" whenever we wanted. Apparently not...[/i]






[b]Dear Anakin,

There is a good reason marriage is forbidden for the Jedi and I can see that you are now becoming aware of some of them. We?re not without feeling, just very, very cautious.

Obi-Wan[/b]




[i]Dear Obi-Wan,

You were right about marriage. I don?t think it?s quite as much fun anymore. Hopefully she?ll get over this ?do you have to breathe?? stage soon. Everything I do is wrong. She?s starting to sound like you!

Anakin[/i]




[b]Dear Anakin,

I don't want to point out that you got yourself into this marriage, so I won't do that. But you did... Really, there is a reason for the Code, you know. It is meant to keep amorous young Jedi from getting into exactly this type of situation.

You?ve been quite moody and sullen lately, more so than usual and even considering your circumstances. Are you constipated? When you were a young boy and you were not regular you became quite surly. Perhaps some fiber?

Obi-Wan[/b]





[i]Dear Obi-Wan,

Keep the fiber for yourself, old man.

Anakin[/i]




[b]Dear Anakin,

Should you care to discuss your deteriorating mental state you have my com code.

Obi-Wan [/b]





[i]Dear Obi-Wan,

Forget my mental state. I?m just fine, I tell you. But I forgot to mention these terrible dreams I?ve been having. They?re making my head pound and I?m afraid to fall asleep.

Anakin[/i]




[b]Dear Padawan,

You neglected to mention what the dreams entail. Perhaps more information would be helpful. How many times must I remind you that dreams pass?

Never mind.

Obi-Wan[/b]




[i]Dear Master,

Dreams pass! I know you did NOT go there!

You know what? Never mind! Obviously you?re gonna be about as helpful as a fifth nipple on a rancor.

Why don?t you go run to your precious council and let the kitling out of the bag?

Knight Skywalker[/i]



[b]Dear Anakin,

I sense a great deal of hostility and darkness coming from you. I am quite worried about you. Please contact me.

Obi-Wan[/b]




[i]Obi-Wan,

Why don?t you kiss my toned and muscular buttocks? You think you sense hostility now? Just wait, baby, because it?s gonna get a helluva lot darker before you see daylight again.

Anakin
[/i]





[b]Dear Anakin,

I say this with all affection and respect. But what has crawled into your orifices

 

*snickers* Oh, my, this is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh, er, smile. Can't really laugh when everyone in the house is asleep

 

Oh geez! This is so freaking hilarious, VL! 'Darth Whiney' sounds about right!

 

Oh Kimberley that was brilliant!!!


Now I've got to go catch up on the rest LOL how did I let myself get behind?

 

I just discovered your fic, obviously towards the end, but I've never laughed so hard reading fan-faction. You've completely captured the whiney side of the Force. In fact, I just called up my friend, half way across the continent (of australia) and we've sat on the computer reading the correspondance out loud to each other and cracking up!!!

Since when haven?t you made your wishes clear, repeatedly and with great drama? (Not to mention a great deal of whining)

So, now you?re winning the war by yourself, are you? That talent must come in handy; you know, being all powerful and everything. Perhaps I can petition the Council to make it standard issue for all Jedi. Maybe we should even get new tunics. Something flashy to display our new status as demi-gods for all the galaxy to see. I was thinking something in red, bordered with sequins

A friend commented that RotS was one long sulk "I dont want to be evil.. dont want to be evil.. getting evil.. getting evil.. damn have to be evil.."

And be certain that you turn off your com when you stay there. The last time I got an earful of sounds I really could have done without. I never knew that a human could make that noise. And I stubbed my toe in my rush to turn off my own com. It still hurts. I bent the nail back and everything.


the Sith are old and not very attractive. Women prefer their heroes young and dashing. Okay, he?s a snappy dresser, I?ll give him that. But still, I do tall, dark, and dangerous better than anyone else.

Why don?t you kiss my toned and muscular buttocks? You think you sense hostility now? Just wait, baby, because it?s gonna get a helluva lot darker before you see daylight again.

We loved your irreverance, which still managed to somehow capture much of the character's essence, and chartered the degeneration of their relationship, and filled in some weird gaps in the plot (i mean, no-one noticed that Ani was smooching Obi-Wan in the lobby of the senate?).

Not sure if you've got more comic wisdom and hilarity to impart, btu thank you so much for this wonderful fic!

Yours in appreciation,

Myth and co.

 

Hopefully she?ll get over this ?do you have to breathe?? stage soon.



This story never fails to make me laugh! Darth Whiney, indeed. LOL!

 

Darth Whiney!!! ROTFL! That's great! Juz great! A pity it didn't stick... hehehe

Great job! Baby-sit a Skywalker...don't think I would either!

 

J_M_Bulldog Glad you liked it!

LuvEwan Well, Anakin does have an unfortunate tendency to whine now doesn't he?

Layren I think it's called real life. And it sucks, or so I've heard.

mithrissa Wow! I'm flattered! I don't think my work has ever been discussed half way around the world. Okay, there was that one time a friend and I pulled a spectacular stunt and her mother called her father in Japan to narc on us. But we don't need to talk about that...

Gina Darth Whiney was a creation from last year and it seemed suitable to ressurect him here.

Kynstar Obi-Wan knows when to get out of a bad situation!

 

Snerk!

Darth Whiney... typically male!

 

THIS

IS

EFFING

HISTARICAL!!!

I LOVE IT!!! Will they continue to write letters AFTER he gets the suit on?! LOL

 

bump!

 

Darth Whiney, yep! And I liked this part too, but the whole thing is hilarious!

Master Kenobi,
I thought we had firmly established that I am no longer your apprentice. In fact, I¡¦m not even a Jedi any longer. There¡¦s a new Sith in town and he¡¦s looking mighty fine in his new black threads!

 

Oh...Darth Whiny and his shiny threads and 'trying not to breathe' thing...

Although I have to hand it to Obi-Wan - exhorting his erstwhile apprentice to break it to the Council, and about asking his padawan to come to Utapau (despite one moody apprentice refusing the offer), And he won't baby-sit!

Gah, loved it all!

 

This was an amazingly funny and well written story--I love to see the Ani/Obi relationship in these small steps. The Darth Whiney is classic--you had me totally cracking up! I will be waiting in rapt anticipation for further updates--keep it up!

 

Hilarious! I loved Anakin complaining about his grumpy pregnant wife to Obi-Wan. "Will you baby-sit?" Ha. Obi-Wan knows better than to get stuck with Anakin's kids.

You?ve been quite moody and sullen lately, more so than usual and even considering your circumstances. Are you constipated? When you were a young boy and you were not regular you became quite surly. Perhaps some fiber?

That's the kind of question real-life people ask.

 

ROTFL! I couldn't stop laughing when Anakin called himself "Darth Whiney"! Obi-Wan was so correct to say, "You have no idea how appropriate that name is."

 

This is very very funny stuff, VL! I'm lovin' it!!!

 

Hopefully she?ll get over this ?do you have to breathe?? stage soon.

Hey! I remember that stage!

This it too funny VaderLVR! I'm so glad I found it!

 

LOL!



Too many lines to choose a favorite. They were all good. And I agree with Obi-Wan. Darth Whiney is appropriate. LOL!

That was great! I am so glad my master pointed this out.

 

*laughs and laughs* So many great lines but I think this one sums it up: "I think I have an ulcer and its name is Anakin." Poor Obi.

 

Darth Whiney? My goodness...how appropiate! Just great...

And *sigh* I wonder what would have happened had Anakin actually taken Obi-Wan up on )his offer to visit Utapau. Wish he would have...

Hilarious as usual. I absolutely loved this. Really, it makes me laugh every time (and I'm some one who stays uniquely straight faced for 95% of humour fics...)

 

*bursts out laughing*

That made my WEEK!!! *rofls*

 

VadersMistress And we would know, huh?

HanSolosGal So glad you like it!

Darth_Skywalker2 Thank you!

Jedi_Tigris Glad you like!

Princess_Arulmozhi Would YOU want to baby sit little Skywalkers?

DarthPolymerase Thanks! And I hope to keep going for a while.

mixza Exactly! And who knows, that might have been the problem! A galaxy lost for want of some fiber!

Valiowk Anakin does tend to get a tad whiney at times.

Jedikma Thank you!

mouse2 Oh, I was supposed to get over it?

Kadi Thank you, and thank your master for me!

Lovely-in-Orange I think an ulcer would have been inevitable! Don't you?

Alethia Wow, thanks!

Ana_Labris Glad I could be of some service.


The line about the helmet chafing comes from the fan film A Lost Hope and is not my own. Damn...

---

[i]Kenobi,

Consider this an official invitation to Mustafar. Bring your lightsaber and a keg. Winner gets to toast the loser. And live.

Darth Vader[/i]




[b]Dear Darth,

Of course I?ll be there. How could I refuse such a polite invitation? I?ll say this much for your new Master, he certainly seems to have instilled some manners in you at long last!

I?ll be there with my saber. And perhaps a nice bottle of Merlot? What is the proper wine to bring on such an occasion? I am not quite sure. But a keg? Really? Not at all the done thing, my young former friend.

I guess champagne is not an appropriate beverage to drink to betrayal is it? I?m not sure at all, and my Jedi etiquette handbook is of no help whatsoever.

I shall just have to muddle through somehow. I look forward to our meeting.

Jedi Master (yes, Master! Guess who didn?t make MASTER? And I think now we know why!) Obi-Wan Kenobi
[/b]






[i]Dear Kenobi,

You just have to rub it in, don?t you? Well laugh now, Jedi poster boy, because I?ll be getting the last laugh on Mustafar.

Darth Vader[/i]




[b]Dear Darth,

First, I hope you are recovering well from your injuries. I must apologize for slicing off your limbs, but it seemed the proper thing to do at the time. I told you I would be muddling through the niceties of our meeting.

There are no guidelines for the Jedi MASTER who has been betrayed by his former Padawan. I hope you understand my confusion.

I have heard that you have been given a new body made of armor and cybernetics. I would think you?d be right at home in such a setting, seeing as you love to tinker with droids and such.

No, no, don?t bother thanking me. It was the least I could do since YOU DESTROYED THE WHOLE JEDI ORDER YOU LITTLE SNOT!

Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi[/b]





[i]Listen Kenobi,

I?ll find you, don?t think I won?t. When I do I?m gonna turn you into a Kenobi kabob on my pretty red saber!

And I know you took Padme?s body to Naboo. Her parents haven?t quit whining about it since she died. Thank the Force they didn?t know we were married. They?d be suing me for compensation for their loss of her affection or some other stupid thing.

But why did you let me kill her before our baby was born? An heir would have been a nice little insurance policy for me. And now, well, I fear the baby making days are behind me.

This is all your fault! You kept holding me back and holding me back and I finally just snapped. At least, that is what my therapist has told me.

Listen, about the whole Padme thing, I?m kinda sorry about that. I really thought I had taken care of her, convinced her that everything would be all right. But she had to go and listen to you and everything turned to bantha poodoo.

Sincerely,

Second in Command of the Whole Freaking Galaxy,
Darth Vader[/i]





[b]Dear Darth,

First, there is no reason not to use a proper salutation, no matter how angry you might be at the moment. Etiquette is meant to make others feel comfortable, remember that. You seem to be in a position of authority now (though how that happe