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Saga Diary of an X-wing (ESB humour) -- Chapter 2 is up! 10/28

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by JediLynx, Oct 20, 2003.

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  1. JediLynx

    JediLynx Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Sep 2, 2000
    Have you ever wondered what happened to the X-wing that Luke left at Bespin after his confrontation with daddy? No? Well, neither had I, until I found myself in a sauna at a party and for some (insane? drunken? overheated?) reason the subject was brought up and discussed in depth for approximately two minutes. As far as I can remember, no certain conclusions were reached from this discussion.

    Anyway, the question kept bugging me so in the end I decided to write the poor starfighter's story myself. And here it is, in all its glory; the fate of a forgotten hero, as told by the X-wing itself. The plan is to update once a week. Hope you like it. :)

    Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own the X-wing, Luke or any of the other Star Wars characters that are mentioned in the fic. I'm just borrowing them for a while.


    ==========


    Chapter 1


    DAGOBAH



    Crashlanded in swamp. Great. Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any worse: splash! And I though being stuck on a bloody ice planet for half a year was bad. I wonder if he has any idea of how much that landing hurt? Probably not, he didn't even apologise. He just grabbed his stuff and left me lying here, hurt and soaking wet. To top it all off, I think I'm stuck in this slime hole. What the heck are we doing here anyway? Visiting relatives?

    ***

    Yep. I'm stuck alright. This mud is really going to mess up my generators.

    ***

    Still stuck in swamp.

    ***

    Still stuck. Tried talking to a weird creature who landed on my starboard wing. Instead of answering, it tried to eat my landing lights. Just what I needed. Gave it a good zap with a loose wire. Felt good.

    ***

    Still stuck in swamp.

    ***

    Still stuck in swamp.

    ***

    Yep, still stuck. Haven't seen my pilot or the R2-unit for days. They probably left me for dead. Well, I'm as good as dead anyway. Maybe I should just let go and sink down into the slime... speed things up a bit. I mean, there are far worse ways to go, right? Imagine being blown to space junk by a Star Destroyer; that's bound to hurt like a <INCOM AUTO CENSORING ACTIVATED>. Although, with my kind of luck and the utter incompetence of my so called pilot, I'm bound to end my days crashing into an asteroid or colliding with a tree. No, it's better this way.

    Farewell, cruel galaxy!

    ***

    Just my luck. A frog turned up and jerked me back up just as I was about to sink below the surface. Did my poor excuse for a pilot try to save me? Of course not. He just sat there on a rock with his mouth open, staring at the frog. Anyway, looks like we're about to leave this place. Thank Incom. That little frog is really starting to freak me out. Asked the R2-unit if he knew where we were heading, but he just threw some random insults at me, as usual. If you ask me, he's been around humans too long. Zapped him.

    ***

    Oh my <INCOM AUTO CENSORING ACTIVATED> flap! A snake! A bloody snake just crawled up my engine exhaust! Man, that was freaking scary. If my pilot isn't ready to get me out of here in 10 minutes, I can't be responsible for my actions. And if he thinks that pulling that snake out of my engine somehow makes up for everything he's done to me, he's wrong. Anyway, decided against messing with the flight controls again. The sooner we leave this mud hole of a planet, the better.

     
  2. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    I loved this. It was really quite funny. I assume that you'll be taking the x-wing all the way to Bespin?
     
  3. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    Don't know which line I liked more, "Thank Incom!" or "Goodbye, cruel galaxy!"

    Really ORIGINAL humor, Lynx! I'm kind of hoping the poor thing ends up at the battle for the second Death Star; I can just imagine how it would feel about that...

    Updates only once a week? :(
     
  4. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade VIP star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002
    :eek: Oh my stars, this is hilarious! [face_laugh]

    What the heck are we doing here anyway? Visiting relatives?

    That's as good an answer as any, actually. :p

    Although, with my kind of luck and the utter incompetence of my so called pilot, I'm bound to end my days crashing into an asteroid or colliding with a tree. No, it's better this way.

    Farewell, cruel galaxy!


    ROTFLOL!!!

    Asked the R2-unit if he knew where we were heading, but he just threw some random insults at me, as usual. If you ask me, he's been around humans too long. Zapped him.

    *giggles* The secret lives of starfighters and droids. :p This is great! :D
     
  5. LadyPadme

    LadyPadme Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2002



    Somehow, the repetitive image of the poor X-wing saying "still stuck in the swamp" just has me giggling. This is so funny to see it from the POV of an X-wing!

    * thanks Gabri for pointing out this fic *

    Great job, JediLynx!

     
  6. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    "OH my fricking flap!" Are you from Utah, little X-wing? Oh flip, fetch, scrud! Just kidding. Anyway, this is hilarious. I've never read a piece of humor from the car's POV. :)
     
  7. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    OOoh, funny! :p :D Poor X-Wing. :( But a funny story nonetheless. ;)

    Nice job, JediLynx! :D
     
  8. Enji

    Enji Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    May 14, 2002
    Oooh, it's up! Wonderful! :D [face_laugh]

    Looking forward to the next parts, Lynxie-grrl... :)
     
  9. DarthBreezy

    DarthBreezy Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 4, 2002
    LOLOL!! Very Cute and original!!
     
  10. Cobblestone

    Cobblestone Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 30, 2002
    this is good Lynx!*clapping my hands*
     
  11. Reihla

    Reihla Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    May 17, 2002
    This is priceless! :D
     
  12. JediLynx

    JediLynx Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Sep 2, 2000
    Wow, I never expected so many replies! Thank you! I'm almost blushing here... :)

    Yes, we will be following the little drama queen all the way to Bespin, and beyond. As for wether or not he (she? it?) will end up at Endor, well, we'll just see about that. ;)

    Sorry about not updating more than once a week. I'm a slow writer, and have a pretty busy life. I just don't want to make any promises that I can't keep.
     
  13. Jeanida_Myrishi

    Jeanida_Myrishi Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2003
    *still laughing maniacilly*
     
  14. Seraphena

    Seraphena Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2003
    rotflm*o

    I think its a great job! can't wait to read more
     
  15. Csillan_girl

    Csillan_girl Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 6, 2003
    Cool!!

    I feel really sorry for the poor X-wing!!
     
  16. Dori

    Dori Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 27, 2003
    [face_laugh] This was really funny!

    Just my luck. A frog turned up and jerked me back up just as I was about to sink below the surface.
    Life (and the Jedi) are cruel, aren't they? ;)
     
  17. Sock_of_Darth_Vader

    Sock_of_Darth_Vader Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 24, 2002
    Hee hee this is really funny!
     
  18. Jedi-2B

    Jedi-2B Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    Very funny! I wonder if the poor thing is jealous of the attention that Han gives the Falcon. Luke does leave trail of X-wings behind him, doesn't he? (Does he still have one sitting on Nirauran?)

    Looking forward to the rest.
     
  19. Dancing_Jansons

    Dancing_Jansons Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 1, 2002
    Ah hahahaha! I loved it!

    Very funny, JediLynx.

    More, more!
     
  20. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    Still giggling- especially <INCOM AUTO CENSOR ACTIVATED> [face_laugh]
     
  21. Tilly

    Tilly Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Oct 21, 2003
    Still stuck. Tried talking to a weird creature who landed on my starboard wing. Instead of answering, it tried to eat my landing lights. Just what I needed. Gave it a good zap with a loose wire. Felt good.

    Absolutely hysterical! I ADORE this story!! *still laughing with gusto* Can't wait for more of the "little drama queen"'s adventures!
     
  22. Sock_of_Darth_Vader

    Sock_of_Darth_Vader Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 24, 2002
  23. Dev_Binks

    Dev_Binks Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Frog? That's what Yoda is a frog! This is funny.
     
  24. Agent_Jaid

    Agent_Jaid Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 21, 2003

    *falls over laughing hysterically*

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    To top it all off, I think I'm stuck in this slime hole. What the heck are we doing here anyway? Visiting relatives?

    Yoda claims to be the "Father of the Jedi" so in some freakish way, you're right. Yoda for a relative. O_O AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! *RUNS AWAY*

    Still stuck. Tried talking to a weird creature who landed on my starboard wing. Instead of answering, it tried to eat my landing lights. Just what I needed. Gave it a good zap with a loose wire. Felt good.

    *laughs hysterically* [face_laugh] GO X-WING!! FRY THE LIL' TROLL!!! [face_devil]

    Although, with my kind of luck and the utter incompetence of my so called pilot, I'm bound to end my days crashing into an asteroid or colliding with a tree. No, it's better this way.

    Farewell, cruel galaxy!

    *falls off chair* [face_laugh] Oh my goddess..... [face_laugh]


    Just my luck. A frog turned up and jerked me back up just as I was about to sink below the surface. Did my poor excuse for a pilot try to save me? Of course not. He just sat there on a rock with his mouth open, staring at the frog. Anyway, looks like we're about to leave this place. Thank Incom.


    *snickers* "Poor Excuse for a pilot"? [face_mischief] [face_laugh]

    That little frog is really starting to freak me out.

    Who doesn't he freak out? [face_uneasy]

    Asked the R2-unit if he knew where we were heading, but he just threw some random insults at me, as usual. If you ask me, he's been around humans too long. Zapped him.

    *rolls on the floor laughing*

    Poor Artoo!!! [face_laugh]

    ]***

    Yep. I'm stuck alright. This mud is really going to mess up my generators.

    ***

    Still stuck in swamp.

    ***

    Still stuck in swamp.

    ***

    Still stuck in swamp.

    ***

    Yep, still stuck.


    *tries to breath but can't; is laughing too hard*


    Oh my <INCOM AUTO CENSORING ACTIVATED> flap! A snake! A bloody snake just crawled up my engine exhaust!

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Man, that was freaking scary. If my pilot isn't ready to get me out of here in 10 minutes, I can't be responsible for my actions. And if he thinks that pulling that snake out of my engine somehow makes up for everything he's done to me, he's wrong.

    Woohoo!! :D Vengful lil guy. :D

    Anyway, decided against messing with the flight controls again. The sooner we leave this mud hole of a planet, the better.

    I agree. I most heartly agree. :)


    I loved it. I still love it. I want - no, I NEED more of it!!

    This is priceless. :D






     
  25. GrandAdmiralKyrrona

    GrandAdmiralKyrrona Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2003
    Yay! A Mormon X-Wing!!!
     
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