Beyond - Legends Die, Jacen Solo, Die! twisted stories about death and Jacen - 7/29 Thank you

Most certainly mrjop - I'll PM you when I post. I hope to do so later today. Just taking care of my little grand-daughter at present.

 

Okay, campers, here we are again. This one is very, VERY tongue in cheek, and you have my permission to read as much into it as you like.

I had a lot of fun with it, so I hope you do too.

(Tarsus Sector, which gets mentioned in the story, is a sector I created a few years ago as the setting for one of my long stories: The Mantrusian Affair. It's my name for that unnamed arm of the galaxy between Wild Space and the Tingel Arm.

Santandruse is also a name I made up. But if you know anything about golf courses, you'll understand why. )

So here we go with another death.

---

[b]Size Matters Not[/b]

[i]Vornskyr Forest. What an odd name,[/i] Caedus, the Jedi formerly know as Jacen Solo, mused. He?d been hearing the name a lot lately ? every time he tuned in to the holonet, in fact, which was something he did at least once a day. Apart from the fact it allowed him to ensure that the various news services were presenting him in an appropriately positive light, it was also his chance to catch up on what the galaxy had been up to while he?d been busy protecting it. It was a means of keeping in touch with the mood of the people whose lives he controlled, even when their apparent fascination for the most shallow trends and pointless pursuits made him cringe. And when it came to pointlessness, sport, in his opinion, took top billing.

He wondered idly if perhaps this was a reaction to his now estranged father?s own obsession with smashball, not to mention the efforts he?d made to try and interest his son in the ghastly banalities of the game. He remembered sensing a certain anxiety in his father?s manner sometimes, as if Han had felt that there?d been a glitch in the gene pool that had had dubious consequences in terms of his oldest son?s development. In hindsight, the thought was quite amusing. [i]Look who?s captain of the team now, Dad.[/i] He grinned, briefly catching sight of his reflection in the polished bulkhead opposite the datapad station, and he was about to trip the off switch when a name caught his attention: [i]Santandruse[/i].

His finger stopped in mid-extension and hovered a whisker away from the plasteel dimple. He blinked, a sudden spasm of pain and loss overwhelming his senses. Santandruse was one of the sixty-six worlds ruled by his former comrade and lover, Tenel Ka. Tenel Ka, mother of his daughter Allana. Tenel Ka who had betrayed him cruelly, leaving him to what would have been certain death at the hands of the Confederation . . . for a lesser mortal. Fortunately for the galaxy, he had engineered a miraculous escape. But the wound in his heart was still raw; and every reminder of their love was salt rubbed into the broken flesh by callous fingers.

He stretched forward the slightest fraction required to enable his fingertip to eradicate the reminder of his loss . . . when again something stayed his hand, and the babble emanating from the datapad distilled into something vaguely comprehensible. He found that he was stroking the volume dial so that he could better make out the somewhat pretentious spiel of the presenter.

?. . . and of course Vornskyr Forest will be defending his title on Santandruse at the sixth Pan-galactic Golf Classic ? the prime event in the annual golf circuit. HoloNews Aureg has negotiated prime holorecording rights, meaning that we?ll be bringing you live coverage and real-time interviews with the players. Tune in after our sports roundup for a tour of the Classic Course with Vornskyr, who arrived on Santandruse this morning after a short hiatus on his home planet of Myrkr, where he recently established his own production company making cheat resistant golf balls.?

Although the mention of Myrkr brought the familiar chill to the pit of his stomach, Caedus felt strangely excited even though at that point he wasn?t sure exactly why. It was just a feeling he had that there was something potentially useful in what he?d just heard. The news presenter had moved on to some other item, so Caedus activated the upright functi

 

She kneeled beside her former lover and stroked the hair back from the solid bump on his forehead. ?Well, Jacen,? she murmured to him, ?you were always saying the foreplay would kill you. It looks as if the one time you did actually say something funny, the Force took you seriously.?

Oh boy! Good thing I wasn't eating or drinking when I read that.

Nice word play with Vornksr Forest as well.

 

LOL!

I always knew Golf was killer sport to watch, and Jacen just proved it!

It couldn't have happen to a worser man, except OJ.

I call for celebrity death match between OJ and and Jacen Solo!!!!!

 

ROFL!!!!! Tahi that was hysterical beyond belief!! But yet so weighted and serious...I loved it! What a way to go....now you need to do one where he dies via football!!

Great great job!! So cathartic...*happy sigh* I can face housecleaning now that dear old jacen is gone....But can the next one be a little less sudden and more agonizing? Yes, I'm sooo bad...

Still, you had Tenel Ka down perfect, and I luved the golfer guy, Vornskr. The entire background story was wonderful!!!

Can't wait for more!!
Irish

 

Tahi, I haven't read the second vignette yet and I'm going to jump back to read that in a moment, but I wanted to comment on the first viggie.

About the title - the one you've got for the series is perfect. I saw that and thought, Okay, someone's going to give LotF-Jacen a good evil villian deserving death. It's deliciously tempting for a reader to click...

Your prose is stellar - easy to read, lyrical, and beautiful.

Having Anakin confronting Jacen was really satisfying. Can't wait to read the next way Jacen dies.

 

OMG!! *falls to the floor laughing hysterically* That was so... perfect, Tahi! Brilliantly, brilliantly done!! I don't know how your clever mind came up with this idea, but it was absolutely amazing! How fitting an end for a not-so-beloved character. *runs off to laugh at Jacen some more*

 

roflmao. Tenel Ka's about as dangerous on the course as my uncle Andy. What a way to go, though ... pwn3d by a golf ball. LOL at Vornskr Forest ... what a play on Tiger Woods. Sithkiller golf balls ... I'd buy those.

Edit: what's next? Jacen getting pwn3d by some critter.

 

Golf was a sport that by the nature of its expensive equipment appealed mainly to people with more money than sense, and the fans were no different.

LOL! True, so true. You know, I find myself strangely rooting for Caedus.


but because he believed that sport was a good thing.

Yes, sport is a good thing, but golf is not a sport.


It was a means of keeping fit, of keeping people young at heart

'Young at heart'? Then why does everyone who plays it wear such old fogie clothes with the belt tied up around their chests?


Of course, as with most groundbreaking inventions, Vornskyr's amazing balls were motivated by a certain amount of self-interest.

Uh-huh. 'Self interest'. I'll bet.


he presented her with a set of his special balls.

And I'm very sure she was all too happy to play with them.


The thought of his precious Allana being subjected to this insanity was almost too much to bear.

LOL! You know, once again I am finding myself rooting for Jacen, but alas, he's dead again. Such a tragedy, lol.

But a great story!

 

Vronskyr Forest. Darn you and your subtle wordplay, Tahi! I....just....can't....get it!

LOL.
It was an awful lot of setup for the punchline, but oh man, was it worth it.
Muahaha....

 

A really good story. I figured that Tenel Ka would finnaly get fed up with that jerk and move onto greener pastures. I gotta say that Jacen's demise reminds me of the scene in A Prayer for Owen Meany when the Owen accidently kills the narrator's mother with his first home run hit. WEll, keep up the good work.

 

Aww - thanks for that. I enjoyed killing him! Should I be worried?

Nah, don't question it. Just keep the carnage coming

you have my permission to read as much into it as you like.

*Rubs hands together evilly*

He wondered idly if perhaps this was a reaction to his now estranged father?s own obsession with smashball, not to mention the efforts he?d made to try and interest his son in the ghastly banalities of the game. He remembered sensing a certain anxiety in his father?s manner sometimes, as if Han had felt that there?d been a glitch in the gene pool that had had dubious consequences in terms of his oldest son?s development.



This reminds me of the Black Fleet Crisis when Han was a bit worried because Jacen was getting a little fat, and I think he wanted him to start playing smashball.

?. . . and of course Vornskyr Forest will be defending his title on Santandruse at the sixth Pan-galactic Golf Classic ? the prime event in the annual golf circuit. HoloNews Aureg has negotiated prime holorecording rights, meaning that we?ll be bringing you live coverage and real-time interviews with the players. Tune in after our sports roundup for a tour of the Classic Course with Vornskyr, who arrived on Santandruse this morning after a short hiatus on his home planet of Myrkr, where he recently established his own production company making cheat resistant golf balls.?

*Sets Tivo*

It would be the easiest thing in the galaxy to sneak into Hapes and grab his precious Allana, the only being in the galaxy who still loved him.

She won't when she finds out who you really are

There was, in fact, little Vornskyr Forest said that she didn?t agree with, and she had ended up enjoying a very pleasant evening with him after the grand opening.

"Very pleasant," eh? I think Tenel Ka has a little crush

When Forest burst on the scene there were many who began to suspect his skills were Force-assisted, and he had to go to considerable lengths, including enlisting the help of none other than Jedi Grand Master Skywalker, to prove that this was untrue. However the holomedia, never being one to let a newsworthy opportunity slip past, latched on to a comparison, made by one of the more popular sports commentators, between Boradin?s Force-like ability to land a golf ball right on target and a vornskyr?s ability to use the Force to hunt.

That's really interesting. I'd never thought about how Force-users would likely be banned from a sport if the nature of their skill was known

Also, very clever how Vornskyr got his nickname

He really was, she decided, an extremely nice man; and a man who endorsed fair play and honesty, a conclusion she came to after he told her about the project that had consumed much of his free time over the past few years: balls.



It was also a fact that Tenel Ka had developed a hankering to try her own hand on the golf course, and so before she returned to Hapes the next day she procured, with Vornskyr?s help and advice, a set of clubs. And so she could play the game properly, and not, even unwittingly, use her Jedi powers to advantage, he presented her with a set of his special balls.
She was touched, and impressed with his . . . generosity. It was a virtue she saw little of amongst her plotting, self-serving subjects.

Yeah, I think she's sweet on him

Simmering with rage, but undecided as to his next action, Caedus watched as the courtier prepared to strike at the ball. Despite his wrath, he almost laughed out loud at the ridiculous hip-wriggling and bottom-jiggling dance the man performed as an overture.



Love the description

?Fore!? the courtier bellowed. But Caedus was too busy gliding from shadow to shadow to take any interest. Saddened, and now even more determined to claim his daughter and remove her to safety, he set off back to the palace. But after a few paces he turn

 

(Honestly, there isn't an emoticon good enough for the laughter that came from my mouth when reading the second vignette.)


Okay, that was inspired. Truly one of the funniest fanfics I've ever read.

 

?Killed! By a golf ball! How can this be?? gaped the quivering courtier, who was obviously both sickened and fascinated by the golf ball-sized lump in the middle of the very dead Colonel Jacen Solo?s temple.

Oh...this is just too perfect. The glorious irony.

Tenel Ka thought about the last word Jacen would have heard her utter and had a sudden moment of epiphany that she would explain later as a cross between mild hysteria and a desire to make some sense of a nonsensical situation.

She kneeled beside her former lover and stroked the hair back from the solid bump on his forehead. ?Well, Jacen,? she murmured to him, ?you were always saying the foreplay would kill you. It looks as if the one time you did actually say something funny, the Force took you seriously.?

The punch line was well worth the wait. This is the part that had me stifling my hysterical laughter to avoid waking my family.

But he remained a simple man at heart ? a very nice, unassuming man who put his family ahead of everything else and never developed any leanings toward galactic domination or other forms of irritating Sithly behaviour. In fact he was quite happy to take second place to his wife ? Queen Mother Tenel Ka of the sixty-six worlds of the Hapes Cluster.

Awww, it's good to see Tenel Ka get a good man for a change. This whole chapter was just impeccably done and set up. Also, you certainly know your way around a double entendre.

I love this story. So very much. If killing Jacen is wrong, I don't want to be right.

 

Thanks for the reviews, lovely people.

RebelMom
Good thing I wasn't eating or drinking when I read that.
Sorry - I couldn't resist slotting that one in. And I'm glad you liked the Vornskyr Forest choice.

Thanks for reading.

mrjop2
I always knew Golf was killer sport to watch, and Jacen just proved it!
LOL - good point.

OJ vs Jacen - heh heh, now there's a thought.

Irish
Thanks - glad that you felt there was a serious note behind the story. There is. Jacen is really quite evil, and deluded. I feel sorry for TK who has had to endure a lot.

What a way to go....now you need to do one where he dies via football!!
Ha - that would be cool. (Imagines him being mauled in an All Black scrum.)

I can face housecleaning now that dear old jacen is gone
Glad to be your housework motivational coach.

But can the next one be a little less sudden and more agonizing?
Oyah - there will be plenty of slow torture and other gruesome forms of death. But I kind of liked the idea of the mighty Jacen being toppled by a little golf ball - it was very David and Goliath-ish. Such an unspectacular death is the worse punishment to a narcissist really. It would be kind of like Hitler choking on a piece of macaroni.

TKL
Hey there - great to see you again.

About the title - the one you've got for the series is perfect. I saw that and thought, Okay, someone's going to give LotF-Jacen a good evil villian deserving death. laugh It's deliciously tempting for a reader to click...
Thanks for that. I have trouble with titles sometimes, and as you say, getting one that will attract readers is critical.

Thanks for the lovely feedback on my prose style. That's much appreciated as I value feedback on technique. I have to admit to spending ages on a paragraph, or even a phrase, sometimes until it sounds the way I want it. LOL

Having Anakin confronting Jacen was really satisfying.
Hee hee, thanks.

Lonewolf
OMG!! *falls to the floor laughing hysterically*
[picks Lonewolf up and hands her a nice calming cuppa]

How fitting an end for a not-so-beloved character.
Glad you liked it. Mwahahaha

*runs off to laugh at Jacen some more*
Yeah - let's all stand and point at him and laugh.

Thanks so much for reading.

ZebulaNebula
Hey there - lovely to meet a new reader.

Tenel Ka's about as dangerous on the course as my uncle Andy
I love him already.

what a play on Tiger Woods.
Thanks. LOL

Sithkiller golf balls ... I'd buy those.
Could be a good wee moneymaker. Pity Yoda didn't play golf.

what's next? Jacen getting pwn3d by some critter.
[Obi-Wan voice] Possibly.

Thanks for reading.

Brentus
You know, I find myself strangely rooting for Caedus.
Oh how Sithly. However good to have him as a sympathetic character. LOL

Then why does everyone who plays it wear such old fogie clothes with the belt tied up around their chests?
Ha - an excellent question. LOL

And I'm very sure she was all too happy to play with them.
Oooh - you are awful, but I like you.

Thanks - and glad you liked it as well as ol' Jace. Hee hee

Jinn_Soresom
It was an awful lot of setup for the punchline, but oh man, was it worth it.
Muahaha....
Thanks for that - much appreciated. Glad you liked it.

Stookymalarkey
Hey there - good to meet a new face. And I DO like your icon BTW.

I figured that Tenel Ka would finnaly get fed up with that jerk and move onto greener pastures.
Amen to that, poor woman.

I gotta say that Jacen's demise reminds me of the scene in A Prayer for Owen Meany when the Owen accidently kills the narrator's mother with his first home run hit.
I like the sound of that. I must look out for that movie.

 

Glad you like my icon, Indy is definitely the most awesome character I could think of to have as an icon . And BTW, A Prayer for Owen Meany is a book by JOhn Irving that came out years ago but you can find it in any book store or library still. A movie loosely based on it came out about 10 years ago and was called Simon Birch, since it deviated too much from the book for Irving's liking. On the bright side, the scene with the baseball is present in both versions for your enjoyment. Oh yes, if you wanna do another one of these stories, have Jacen fall victim to a bear attack, cause according to Stephen Colbert, there's no greater threat to democracy than bears .

 

I agree about Indy. Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of my all-time favourite movies.

I'll keep an eye open for the movie - hopefully it'll be out on DVD. A bear? Ha - that would be very amusing. "Yogi and Boo Boo strike it lucky."

 

Your title drew me in! I'm a big Jacen fan but I can certainly appreciate the desire to kill off Darth Caedus.

Your first story was bloody brilliant - creepy and wonderful and engaging and, did I mention creepy! I loved that Anakin was using the ship named after him to kill off his insane brother. Even a ghost can affect the people around him! Wonderfully, wonderfully done! I loved how the story built tension and confusion on Jacen's part became understanding.


The second story was just funny. Golf balls killing off a Lord of the Sith. I loved that Tenel Ka was the one to do it. After all, she had the most opportunity but with a golf ball. I'm still giggling!

Please PM me with updates. I want to see how else you're going to kill him!

Bravo! Well done.

 

When I read your title, well... you had me!

I must confess I was pretty disappointed with the turning of events in LOTF, and so to see a story revelling in killing off, again and again, a character that has been totally ruined by profic authors is somehow delicious.
I truly and utterly love that thread!

Could you add me to your PM list, please? I'm looking forward to see more of these stories!

Entropist

 

Hi there Diane - thanks so much for reading this, and I'm glad you're enjoying the series. Thanks also for the lovely feedback. I have to admit that as soon as I read that he had called his ship the Anakin, I knew I had to do something with it - it was destiny. LOL

Glad that you had a giggle with the second story. The absurd has always appealed to me and the thought of the great or mighty being felled by something so inglorious is rather amusing. Mwahaha

Yes - I'll PM you when I post the next . . . er, killing.

Hey there Entropist Thanks for reading. Yes LotF, like most series, has its downs - but more fodder for fanfic I say. Jacen/Caedus is certainly fun to play with anyway. I shall certainly let you know when fate strikes Caedus again. LOL

Thanks everyone - and have a great Christmas. Take care and have a good rest - and stay away from golf courses . . . just in case.

 

Oh jeepers! Where do you get your insanity from because I need some.

Okay the first one was real creepy but very satisfying. VERY satisfying I like the idea of Anakin using that ghastly ship named after him to get one over on his beloved brother. Ha ha

The golf death was hilarious, in fact it's made me suddenly like golf which is a major feat me, sporty? NOT And the way the almight Caedus can get taken out by a golf ball ... ha ha ha Let me know when you devise another death for the little b---- bothersome individual.

 

Happy New Year Zara. I shall certainly let you know when I have more deaths - agree about the b---- bit.

Glad you found the Anakin one satisfying. I DO like the idea of him having the last laugh, too. LOL Especially after what Jacen said about him in Fury. That just about made me spit blood. Also good to hear you got a laugh out of the golf one - and I sympathise with your feelings about the game.

Thanks for reading. The next one should be up soonish. I got a bit sidetracked with my son moving back as that meant I had to shift things around and tidy up!!!! Yucky job.

 

Tahi, you've just tapped into a very dark and very hilarious vein of humor.

Keep going, I doubt you'll drain us or yourself anytime soon

 

Tahi, this is fun. Poor Jacen; though he deserves it, kinda.

Alkibiades

 

Alion!! Yay - so good to see you again.

Yeees - love the dark side And I'll try not to be too draining. Mwahaha
Thanks for popping in and reading - it really is good to see you. PM me a catch up on what you're up to.

Alkibiades
Hey there - great to meet a new reader. Velcome to ze madness and badness. Yeah - sorry about the Jacen torture - but he does rather make himself a target.


Anyway - here's the next torturous addition. This is set after Fury, and contains references to material in Force Heretic: Reunion and Dark Nest: The Joiner King. There's also a small reference to one of my longer stories - The Mantrusian Affair - that involves an adventure in a distant sector where the issue of parallel universes crops up. (Yes, I'm a Heinlein & Asimov gal. ) But you don't need to have read any of those to understand what's going on here. I hope. LOL

---

[b]The Family Tree[/b]

It had taken Darth Caedus, joint Chief of State of the Galactic Alliance, the large part of one standard day to identify the reason for the sense of wrongness he had woken up to one morning. He really hated that kind of feeling, especially when it arrived out of the blue, unheralded and with no useful warning signs or premonitions. It was very unsettling, and unsettling things did not go down well with someone who favoured orderliness and constancy. But as with all such sensations, Caedus was able to accept it for what it was: the curse of the Master Force-user tuned in so acutely to the rhythms of the galaxy that he couldn?t help registering even the most distant and seemingly irrelevant events. And so it was that after a morning of meditation and an afternoon?s indulgence in a process of elimination - the non-violent, problem-solving form - he had become aware, albeit belatedly, of the sudden and inexplicable disappearance of Zonama Sekot.

Where it had disappeared to, however, was a mystery. Caedus had spent most of the evening tracking recent reports on the planet in the hope of determining if indeed it had decided to uproot itself again from the system into which it had settled over ten standard years ago. But there was nothing to suggest it had moved; in fact there was nothing to suggest any anomalous behaviour at all, leaving Caedus with an annoying conundrum, which of course he hated. He spent the next few days feeling extremely grumpy and frustrated, a state alleviated to a small extent only by the opportune discovery of an underground Commenorian group whose members made excellent, and credible, suspects for the spread of the afflicerus infection.

Mollified to a degree by the cathartic agony of several mass torture sessions, he was still unable to come up with a logical explanation for Zonama Sekot?s disappearance. He knew he could discount the possibility it had been destroyed, because such an event would have created huge ripples in the Force, and its ?vanishing? had most definitely been without cataclysm or drama. He had just about decided to try flow-walking to try and locate it at a point in time close to when he had first noticed it missing, when to his utter astonishment it reappeared in much the same way it had vanished ? suddenly and without warning.

It was all very odd, and, as with most strange and illogical things, it definitely required investigation. Planets could not just disappear without huge forces being applied and massive expenditure of energy. He wondered if in fact Zonama Sekot had not actually gone anywhere at all, but had somehow slipped into the shadows of some vast body capable of masking its presence. Or, perhaps it had hidden itself from him - a possibility that, when he considered it carefully, was somewhat disturbing although highly unlikely.

One thing had become blatantly obvious, and that was the need for him to visit the planet and put an end to all the unknowns. It took a few days to reorganize schedules and feed Admiral Niathal a plausible story to explain his te