Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by Chancellor_Ewok, Jun 2, 2019.
Well, here’s a clue. Dr. Diminutive has an absolutely raging Napoleon complex.
Oh ho, I hear echoes of Wild Wild West's Dr. Miguelito Loveless!!
Yeah, kind of......
Episode Sixty Six
The last notes of Fat died away and the stages light went dark. Everyone applauded loudly. Milo and Amanda could just see the shadowy form of Weird Al doffing the fat suit and handing it to one of the stage hands who who hustled off stage with it. The lights came back up again, and Weird Al launched into Tacky.
Wear my Ed Hardy shirt with fluorescent orange pants
Got my new resume, it’s printed in Comic Sans
Think is fun threatening waiters with a bad Yelp review
If you think that’s than you’re probably tacky too
He was about half way through the song, when everything began to go sideways. The overhead video screen, which had been playing a series of absurd images in time to the music, was suddenly replaced by the image of a small man in a white lab coat. At the same moment the concert’s sound system went dead. Milo could here people around him whispering to each other and laughing. They clearly thought that this was part of the show. Milo cast a glance up at the stage. Weird Al, his bandmates and the conductor of the orchestra seemed to have realized that something had gone wrong with the sound system.
Milo was intently watching Weird Al when Amanda leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Is this you?” she asked.
Milo had been wondering the same thing. “I’m not sure,” he replied after a moment’s thought, “I suppose the sound system might be,” he gestured to the video screen overhead, “I’m pretty sure that isn’t.”
Before he could say anything else, a high pitched voice boomed out of the overhead speakers. “Citizens of Danville! It is I your rightful overlord, Dr. Diminutive of the League of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United for Frightening Investments in Naughtiness.”
Milo thought for and then laughed in spite of himself, “LOVEMUFFIN?” he asked with a chuckle. Amanda burst out laughing in response. “There’s a league of supervillain called LOVEMUFFIN?!”
Milo laughed again. “Shouldn’t they be called DOOM or FEAR or fear or something?”
“Not very intimidating,” asked Amanda, “is he?”
Dr. Diminutive was still speaking. “You are all now my obedient servants. Anyone who does not do exactly as I command will feel the power of my Shrinkinizor.” At these words, Dr. Diminutive pushed a button. The sound of rending metal and shattering plexiglass filled the arena as a long slender needle thrust down through the bottom of the video screens. A high energy whine filled the arena and a bright blue beam of energy shot out of the business end of the Shrinkinizor and into the crowd. The air was suddenly electric and Milo felt the hair on his arms stand up. Half shielding his eyes from the high powered glare, Milo instinctively turned his head as the beam of energy lanced into the crowd. Several sections of the arena’s upper bowl suddenly glowed with a hazy blue light. After a second or two, they disappeared with a comical POP!
A loud gasp arose from the assembled crowd. There appeared to be an empty space where three sections of seats had been a few seconds before. Milo and Amanda turned and looked at each other. They were both clearly thinking the same thing. “What was that?” she asked wide eyed.
“Definitely not me,” replied Milo. A sudden thought struck him. “What about Mort and Joni?” he asked. His eyes automatically went to the upper tiers of the stadium’s seating. I hope they’re alright, he thought. Milo’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Dr. Diminutive laughing maniacally.
“As you can see,” he said with evil glee, “I have all of you in my power. I want one hundred million dollars and the complete and unquestioned surrender of the Danville Tristate Area.” He paused dramatically to let his demands sink in. The arena was filled with hissing whispers as the reality of the situation began to sink in. “You have one hour to comply. If my demands are not met, I will shrink everyone in Danville, starting with all the people in this arena.”
Amanda turned to Milo again. Her eyes were wide. “Milo, what should we do?” she asked.
No sooner had Dr. Diminutive appeared on the overhead TV screen, than Brick and Savannah swung into action. Without saying a word, the two time agents unceremoniously pulled off their uniforms and stuffed them in the nearest trash can. Savannah was dressed in a floor length satin ball gown and matching boots. Brick straightened his bow tie. His tuxedo was perfectly pressed. The concession stand manager was a sixteen year old kid. His name tag said his name was Jeremy. He stared at them wide eyed. “Where are you going?” he asked, eyeing their get up. They looked like they were going out to a fancy restaurant. “I mean shouldn’t we hide or call the police or something?”
“This is beyond the police,” replied Savannah with a shake of her head.
“But you should definitely stay here,” said Brick.
“You’ll be safer here,” and with that they left.
On the arena floor Milo eyed the Shrinkinizor apprehensively. He took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. He ran the situation through his mind one more time. OK, he thought, you’re trapped at a Weird Al concert with Amanda by a nutcase with some sort of inator who wants to take over the Tristate Area. He had been thinking about the situation for at least the last ten minutes. Well, Brick and Savannah are here, he thought. That has to mean something, but what? Milo wasn’t sure. He’d had a couple of runs with the two time agents, and knew that they were colleagues of Cavendish and Dakota, but beyond that, Milo didn’t know them very well.
He looked around again. Odd, he thought, there don’t seem to be any goons. Milo hesitated for half a second, as if expecting something to happen. When nothing did, he grabbed Amanda’s wrist and stood up. “Milo,” she said surprised, as she scrambled to her feet. “what are you doing?”
“Going to find Brick and Savannah,” he replied simply as he edged his way along the row toward the aisle, trying not to step on anybody’s feet. He was about as successful as he had been when he had sat down half an hour ago.
Milo reached the end of the row and turned up the aisle, with Amanda trailing in his wake, hurrying to catch up. “Milo,” she said, catching up with up him as he strode determinedly up the aisle, “where are we going? And who are Brick and Savannah?” She was slightly out of breath, having had to run to catch up to him.
“We’re going to find a couple of-,” he paused, wondering how to describe Brick and Savannah. “Well, put it this way you remember the Murphy’s Law incident at the Build-a-Bot contest last year?”
They had reached the main concourse. Amanda thought for a second, trying to remember. “You mean that thing with Dr. Doofenshmirtz and that red light bulb?” she asked.
Milo nodded. “Yeah,” he replied, “that was the incident, anyway, somehow, I guess because, well they are time travellers after all, Melissa showed up with Savannah at the science fair right before everything went haywire and they were able to stop the giant robot before thing got too out of control.”
“And what makes you think they’re here?” asked Amanda.
“Because I ran into them at the snack counter, selling pistachios,” replied Milo. He shrugged. “I’m kind of spitballing, but-,” Amanda finished his sentence for him.
“-maybe they know something,” she said.
They reached the snack counter. It was empty. Milo wasn’t really surprised by that. He supposed that they were either lying low, waiting for the right moment to strike or were investigating Dr. Diminutive’s Shrinkinizor or something.
“So now what do we do?”asked Amanda.
Milo thought for a second. “Maybe they left a clue.” He shrugged. He was forced to admit to himself that he was spitballing again. He walked around the corner and quickly found the service door, He ignored the sign that said “Employees Only” and tried the door handle. Predictably, it came loose in his hand. Milo thrust a hand over his shoulder and deposited the broken door handle into his backpack. He pushed open the door and stepped inside. His nostrils were immediately assaulted by the smell of hotdogs and overcooked french fries.
Milo stepped into the kitchen. There was a large induction griddle and several deep fryers along one wall. The other wall occupied by a food prep counter and several stacked pizza ovens. The cramped space was slightly hot. Milo turned and went through another door. There was a wall separating the cash registers from the kitchen. No soon had Milo gone through the door than the soda fountain burst. Dark, sticky soda bubbled over and collected on the floor in a puddle. Trying not to step in the spreading puddle soda pop on floor, lest he slip, Milo walked from one end of the counter to the other. He was hunched over, rummaging through the various boxes of printer tape and drink trays scattered under the counter. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to be looking for. He spied something stuffed into a trash can. He pulled it out. It was a Slushy Dawg uniform. The name gage pinned to the uniform read “John Bricklinn,” and Milo briefly wondered if that was Brick’s actual name or just a cover identity for this particular mission. Milo frowned to himself. This is isn’t particularly helpful, he thought. He already knew they were here, but where they had gone, he didn’t know. Through the order window, Milo heard the sound of Amanda rummaging around in the kitchen. For a second he wondered if he should go back there and help her, but thought better of it. Me in there with propane and hot grease? he thought, bad idea, but no sooner than this thought had occurred to him, did Amanda call to him from the back of the kitchen.
“Milo,” she said, “I found someone back here.”
Milo stood up. “Really?” he asked, “who is it?” He turned and started back toward the door that lead back into the kitchen, his initial concern about the various hazards of the kitchen forgotten. He pushed open the door and made his way past the deep friers, the griddle and the pizza ovens. A sixteen year old blond boy with neatly parted hair stepped out from behind some shelves.
Jeremy Johnson gaped at the sight of his cousin. “Milo?” he asked in amazement, “what are you doing here?”
“Hi Jeremy,” said Milo casually, as if being stuck a Weird Al concert turned hostage situation by an evil scientist was perfectly normal. “This was supposed to be a birthday gift, but, well-,” Milo trailed off and shrugged.
“Ummm…..Milo,” said Amanda, “we need to find Brick and Savannah, remember?”
“Huh,” he said, “oh right, Jeremy I don’t suppose you happened to see anything out of the ordinary?”
Jeremy paused for a moment, thinking. “Wait, ordinary weird, or Murphy’s Law weird?”
“Murphy’s Law weird,” replied Milo at once.
Jeremy looked thoughtful again, “well actually we had these two new employees,” he said, “but they were really strange, like they the kept asking if the AI was malfunctioning. Then that weird guy appeared on the TV and all of a sudden they took their uniforms off. You should have seen them. They looked like something right out of a Krill Hunter movie. He was wearing a tuxedo and she was wearing a long dress.” He paused for a second, trying to dredge up any additional details. “I think their names were Brick and Savannah.”
“Yeah, that sounds like them,” replied Milo with a nod.
Jeremy’s eyebrows went up, “wait you know them?” he asked and Milo shrugged
“Well, not exactly,” he replied, “but we need to find them. They’re time travellers from the future. We think they might know what all this is about.”
Jeremy gestured over his shoulder with a nod of his head. “There’s a door back here,” he said. “I think they went this way.”
“Come on,” said Milo. He pushed past the other two and opened the door. It fell off its hinges and landed on the floor with a dull thud. Everyone flinched. “Come on,” he said again. “Somebody’s bound to have heard that.”
Episode Sixty Seven
Milo, Amanda and Jeremy stepped out into the hallway that ran behind the concession stands. Milo shut the door behind him. The corridor was painted a dull grey. It was lit with utilitarian fluorescent lights. The floor, which consisted of linoleum tiles the blue and purple of the Danville Marmots, was heavily scuffed. The three of them started walking. They had gone perhaps ten feet, when a loud bang shook the hallway. Milo’s eardrums throbbed violently in his skull and he turned to watch the door he had just closed embed itself, bent and crumpled in the opposite wall. Thick smoke poured out of the open door and Milo heard the sound of rushing water as the sprinkler system kicked in. He turned to Amanda and Jeremy and started walking. “Come on,” he said, “somebody definitely noticed that.”
High over the arena floor, somebody had noticed the explosion. Dr. Diminutive turned to his two goons. “What was that?” he snapped. The bigger one had opened a laptop and was rapidly inputting a string of commands. “Don’t know, Doc,” he said. They could clearly hear the wail of the building’s fire alarms. After a second or two, he pulled up the security feed. “Hey,” he said, “look at this! I think I found something.”
Dr. Diminutive immediately scuttled over to stand by his side. “What is it?” he snapped impatiently. “Let me see it.” The bigger man stepped aside. Dr. Diminutive peered at the screen. He was on just tall enough see it. He watched as three figures left what appeared to be a kitchen, which exploded short afterward. Who are they? he wondered,OWCA? The Time Bureau? Whoever they were, they were ruining his plan. He turned to his two goons. “Find them and bring them here immediately.”
Richard Chase was just washing up after dinner when the call came. His phone rang. He fished it out of his pocket and looked at his screen. His call display read “Wentworth, Mike.” He frowned to himself, Mike Wentworth was the captain of Division 14. Division 14 contained the Danville Fire Department’s MLRT, the Murphy’s Law Response Team. The purpose of the MLRT was to clean up any Murphy’s Law related accidents in Danville. If Mike was calling him at this hour, then it must be big. He tapped his screen and put his phone to his ear. “Talk to me,” he said.
“Chief, we’ve received a report of a fire at Danville Arena,” said Wentworth.
Richard frowned slightly. “Well, we are firefighters Mike,” he chided gently, “it comes with the job description.”
“Yeah, I know Chief,” replied Wentworth, “that’s not why I called you.”
At these words, something in Richard’s brain clicked into gear. He had a feeling that he could guess what Mike was going to say next. In the same instant, he was suddenly aware of a pair of eyes boring into a spot between his shoulder blades and Richard realized thar Melissa had been listening to his conversation. Richard turned his attention back to his phone. Mike was still speaking. “We picked up something on one of the police bands.”
“Yeah, what was it?”
“We picked multiple 9-1-1 calls made from inside the arena,” Wentworth continued. “Looks like a hostage situation.”
Richard heard a sharp intake of breath behind him as Melissa gasped. “OK,” replied Richard calmly, “activate Pumper #9 and Ladder Company 14. I’ll meet you on scene.”
“Got it Chief.”
Richard put his phone away. He turned to Melissa, who had paused in the act of drying a dish. “Sorry honey,” said Richard. “A situation has come up and I have-,” he stopped suddenly at the concerned look on her face. He felt his brain click into gear again. “OK,” he said, he spoke as if Melissa had gotten a C on a math test. “What do you know?”
Melissa took a deep breath. “Dad, Milo and Amanda are at the arena.”
Richard took out his phone again. He quickly tapped through his contacts until his found Mike Wentworth’s number and dialled it. He put the phone to his ear.
“What do you need Chief?”
“Mike, just got confirmation, activate the MLRT.”
“Copy that Chief.”
Richard hung up. He turned to Melissa. “I’m probably not going to be back until late. Don’t wait up for me.”
“OK, Dad,” she said. “Be careful.”
He gave her a smile. “Don’t worry about me,” he said. “I’ll keep an eye out for Milo.”
Melissa visibly relaxed a little. Richard a gave her a kiss, then turned and left the kitchen.
The night shift was just coming when the alert sounded on Carl’s computer terminal. He frowned at his computer screen over of the top his chipped Ducky Momo coffee mug. He put down his coffee mug quickly typed a string of commands into his terminal as the words INATOR ALERT flashed red on his screen. But how could that be? Carl thought to himself. Dr. Doofenshmirtz hasn’t built any new inators in months. He quickly input another series of commands into his terminal and got a location, Danville Arena. Carl clicked on an icon his screen and a window opened on his desktop. Major Monogram appeared, looking slightly annoyed.
“What is it Carl?” he asked. Monogram’s moustache bristled slightly. He was dressed in what appeared to be the traditional clothing of the Netherlands. “Tonight is my clogging night.”
“I’m sorry to disturb you, sir,” replied Carl, “but something has triggered the inator alert.”
Monogram’s eyes went wide at these words. “Great googly moogly,” he exclaimed. “When was the last time Doof built any inators?”
Carl ran a quick search. “Last year,” he said after a couple of minutes. “He built a de gum-inator.”
Monogram frowned. He remembered the incident. Heinz had built the de gum-inator with the purpose of cleaning up all the discarded chewing gum from Danville’s sidewalks. It had predictably not gone as Heinz had intended and after that, Monogram had tasked Perry with keeping Heinz out of trouble. That hadn’t been a particularly hard mission for OWCA’s top agent as it had turned out, as Heinz spent most of his time slowly inching his way toward what Perry claimed might be his destiny as Professor Time.
“You had better send Agent P to look it,” replied Monogram after a moment or two of consideration.
“Yes, sir,” said Carl. He was a about to open another window on his screen when Monogram spoke again. He looked for a second as if he was about to say something he was definitely going to regret.
“Oh, and better have him take Doof.”
Carl’s eyes went wide in surprise at these words. “Are you certain, Sir?”
Monogram shook his head. “No, I’m not Carl,” he replied, “but it seems that someone has built an inator of unknown design. His experience might prove useful.”
Carl tried his best to hide his scepticism and only partially succeeded. “Yes, sir,” he said.
Perry’s communicator began beeping half way through Space Adventure. Phineas and Ferb were sitting on the couch next to Baljeet and Isabella. Perry was curled up on the floor next to Phineas’s feet. He cast an eye up his so-call owner from the floor. Phineas was fully engrossed in the action on the screen and Perry decided that Phineas probably wouldn’t notice if he slipped out. On the screen, Captain Jack Raintree and his Vulkonian science office, Mr Tomak, had been cornered by drones from the Cytronian Collective.
“Tomak, we need a way out here,” said Raintree on the TV screen.
“Yes, Captain, I calculate our current odds of survival at 28%.”
“Blast the odds, Tomak, just give me away out here.”
“Very well Captain, if you would be so good as to hand me that ionic power cell?”
At this, Baljeet scoffed. “Oh come on!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air, “you can’t connect an ionic power cell to a plasmonic regulator like that!”
On the screen, the crudely constructed device emitted a burst of energy and the Cytronian drones fell down in a shower of writhing blue sparks.
“Well, how about that,” said Ferb in mild surprise.
Phineas gave his stepbrother a gentle nudge. “So apparently you can connect an ionic power cell to a plasmonic regulator like that.”
Perry turned his attention way from the boys and their TV show. His wrist comm was still beeping insistently. He looked around, searching for somewhere quiet to answer the call. He heard the sound of feet in the kitchen and sound of a cupboard door opening. Lawrence was taking out the trash. He scuttled across the living room and into the kitchen. He slipped outside, unnoticed at Lawrence’s heels, as the kitchen door banged shut. He stood up, produced his fedora from somewhere and put it on his head. Perry hid for a moment in the shadows behind the garbage bins as Lawrence deposited the bag of garbage into the container. It rattled loudly as he replaced the lid and Perry used the momentary noise to open a small door that had been cleverly hidden in the wall of the house. A slide appeared on the other side. The door shut and Perry sat down at the top of the slide. He pushed off and went zooming down into the darkness beneath the house. The slight wind ruffled his fur and turned up the brim of his fedora. Lights went streaking past him at regular intervals as he went wizzing down the tubular slide. Perry felt the G forces pressing on him slightly as he leaned into the corners. He was suddenly in freefall as the tubular slide suddenly changed direction from the horizontal to the vertical and Perry reached up to keep his hat on his head. An instant before he was about to hit the bottom of the shaft, a hatch opened and the platypus plopped on to a chair.
Before Perry’s eyes could adjust to the darkness, the lights flicked at the sudden motion. He was in a large cylindrical room. In front of him was a computer console. The room’s walls were lined with jetpacks, spacesuits climbing gear and exoskeleton. Interspersed among all the spy gear and hardware were display cases containing mementos of just a few of Perry’s many missions.He reached up and detached a small locket from his collar. He unfolded it and pressed it into a depression in the centre of his computer terminal. The inside of the locket contained three pictures. One on the left of Phineas, one on the right of Ferb and one in the middle of Perry.
Perry pressed the unfolded locket to a depression in the middle of the computer console and the large monitor hanging on the wall flickered to life. A flat electronic voice said, “welcome Agent P, please input your passcode.” Perry input string of numbers and letters into his keyboard, along with what sounded like musical tones.
The flame electronic voice said, “passcode accepted. Please stand by.” The OWCA logo and a buffering bar appeared on the screen. After a minute or two, the buffering reached one hundred percent and the screen went blank again. A second or two after that Carl appeared.
[Evening, Carl] Perry chittered [What’s up?]
“I’m sorry to disturb your night off, Agent P,” replied Carl. “Major Monogram couldn’t give you your briefing personally. It’s his clogging night.”
[I assume you have a mission for me?] asked Perry.
Carl nodded. An image appeared on Perry’s monitor screen. “We got a signal from the inator alert.”
Perry’s eyes widened in surprise. [Really?] he warbled. The inator alert had been designed to allow OWCA to track Dr. Doofenshmirtz’ movements. Perry trusted Heinz, but Major Monogram didn’t, at least not yet. As a result, the inator alert had not been deactivated. [Where is the signal coming from?] chittered Perry.
The image on the screen changed. Carl’s visage briefly disappeared and reappeared in the upper right hand corner of the screen. It was overlaid on a map of Danville. A red dot was blinking in the middle of the image. Perry studied the image for a moment and quickly input a series of commands into his keyboard. A text box appeared next to the red dot. Words began to scroll downward and Perry read quickly, his eyes rapidly moving back and forth. His eyes went wide and he chittered urgently at Carl. [Dr. Diminutive?] the platypus asked. [How did we miss that?]
Carl shook his head in reply. “I don’t know,” he replied, “but he appears to have taken hostages a at a Weird Al concert at Danville Arena.” Carl glanced away from the camera and looked at his computer screen. Perry watch his eyes moving back and forth as he read quickly. “He apparently has some sort of Shrinkinizor,” he said after a second or two.
[Any idea where he got it?] Perry chittered.
Carl shook his head. “No,” he replied, he quickly scanned his computer screen again, as though searching hidden details, “but he’s threatening to shrink the Tri-state Area unless, he’s put in charge. We need you to put to a stop to his plan.”
Perry nodded and put on his fedora. [OK] he said [I’ll look in to it] He leaned forward to log off, but Carl spoke again.
“Oh, one more thing Agent P,”he said, “Major Monogram wants you to take Dr. Doofenshmirtz along on this one.”
Perry paused, a look of slight surprise on his face. [Carl, are you sure?] asked Perry. [Major Monogram doesn’t exactly-]
Carl cut him off, “-exactly trust him,” finishing Perry’s sentence for him. “I know, but Major Monogram feels that in this case, Doof’s skills might be useful.”
Perry chuckled to himself. He’ll like that, he thought, he’s always going about how we should be adventure buddies. He nodded at Carl. [OK] he said [I’ll take him with me.]
“Good luck, Agent P,” replied Carl.
Perry nodded and logged off. He got out his chair, turned and walked toward a biometric palm scanner that appeared to stand by itself in the middle of the room. He pressed his hand to the scanner plate. It glowed blue and beeped. Machinery rumbled under the floor and a cleverly conceal hatch appeared. It split apart and a circular platform rose into view, along with a thick cloud of vapour. Amidst the thick billowing clouds sat a sleek green and white hover car. In a couple of quick steps, Perry crossed from the pedestal with the palm scanner to the circular platform, which was rotating slowly. Perry hopped into the driver’s seat and took off his fedora. He quickly rummaged through its contents and found his car keys. He turned the key in the ignition and the car’s jets roared to life. Perry gunned the jets and quickly rose up to the top his lair. Perry felt the wind tugging on the brim of his fedora and rippling through his bristly fur. Just before he hit the roof of his lair, another hidden panel opened and he shot upward into the night sky.
It's a funny name for a not so funny machine - imagine if everyone shrank. I imagine it wouldn't be comical like Honey I Shrunk The Kids.
How efficient and down to business he is - look out, baddies!
Episode Sixty Eight
Perry’s hover car shot straight up out of the ground and came to a stop about a hundred feet over the backyard.The prescience of the house was betrayed by the light spilling out of the windows on to the front and back lawn. The house itself was a square in the darkness. Linda’s station wagon was a smaller rectangle in the driveway. Perry hit a button on his dashboard and the hidden hatch that he had flown up out of closed again. He pulled the wheel hard over, jammed his webbed foot down on the accelerator and shot off toward Milo’s neighbourhood.
Zack was just coming out of the bathroom when the door bell rang. He turned and walked down the hall to the front door. The door bell rang again, this time more insistently. From the living room over the sound of the TV, Marcus yelled, “Zack, can you get the door?”
“Yeah, OK Dad,” called Zack over his shoulder. Zack frowned to himself. Who could possibly be ringing the door bell at this hour, he thought. He reached the front door and looked the peep hole. Melissa was standing on the front porch. Really? he thought for a second, wondering if she had forgotten a school book at his house again. After a second or two of searching his memory, he drew a blank. At this time of night? he thought, what could she possibly what?
Zack’s thoughts were interrupted by Melissa rapping sharply on the door. “C’mon, Zack,” she said. Her voice was slightly muffled, “open up!” Zack pulled back the lock on the front door. The chain rattled rattled loudly and Zack pulled open the door. He opened his mouth to say, “Melissa, what are you doing here?” but the words died in his throat before he could say anything. Melissa’s face was flushed and she was slightly out of breath. Her bike lay discarded in the middle of Zack’s drive way. Something’s happened, he thought. “Melissa, what’s going on?” he asked. “Is Milo OK?”
Melissa took a deep breath. “I don’t know,” she said, “but we need to get down to Danville Arena right away.”
Something clicked in Zack’s brain at those words. Danville Arena, he thought, of course! Amanda gave Milo Weird Al tickets for his birthday. That was tonight. “OK, Melissa,” he said slowly, “what happened?”
Melissa spoke without stopping for ten minutes. She told Zack about the conversation she had overheard between her farther and Mike Wentworth. Zack’s eyebrows went up in surprise as she spoke. “The Danville Fire Department has a Murphy’s Law Response Team?” he interjected incredulously. “Why haven’t I heard Milo mention this before?”
Melissa shrugged. “Well,” she said, “you know that Milo doesn’t like brag.” She turned and walked back down the sidewalk and retrieved her bike from where she had dropped it in his driveway. “Come on,” she called over her shoulder, “we gotta get going.”
Zack retrieved his bike from where he had left it next to the front door and swung his leg over the seat, peddling as he went. “Hey,” he called after her, “wait up.” Zack caught up with her just down the block. “OK,” he said as he peddled along beside her, “Milo and Amanda are trapped inside Danville Arena, by an evil genius and we think it’s a good idea to run toward the danger because…..?”
Melissa cast at glance at Zack out of the corner of her eye. “Hey, you know the code,” she began.
Zack nodded.”Yeah, yeah,” he said, “I know. No one gets left behind.”
The flight from Phineas and Ferb’s backyard to Milo’s only took a few minutes. The hover car touched down in the middle of the backyard, not far from Heinz’ shed. A square of yellow light glowed in the window next to the door. Perry turned the key in the ignition and the hover car’s turbine spooled down with a low whine. Perry lifted his fedora and put the key away. He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out. He walked across the lawn, stepping around a mangled bicycle, passed a broken baseball bat and deflated soccer ball. As he approached, he could hear muffled voices coming from inside. Perry stepped up on to porch and opened the door.
Cavenpuss was standing on a chair. His top hat was perched unsteadily on the top of his head. His spectacles flashed as they caught the light. A Panoply board and assorted dice and game pieces were scattered across a folding table. “When you role doubles, you get another turn!” He gesticulated wildly with his small hands.
Heinz was sitting slouched in a chair on the opposite side of the table. Listening to Cavenpuss’s tirade, he rolled his eyes. “Those are not traditional Drusselstian rules,” he said. “Panoply is the national board game of Drusselstein-,”
“You just made that up,” interjected Cavenpuss.
Heinz bristled. “I’ll have you know that I was a nationally ranked Panoply player by the time I was twelve-,” Heinz was interrupted by the sound of a tiny green fist knocking on the wooden door jam.
Heinz and Cavenpuss both stopped talking and turned toward the bandy legged platypus standing in framed in the doorway. [Evening] chittered Perry. [I hope I’m not interrupting something.]
“Perry the Platypus,” said Heinz, “what an unexpected surprise.” He gestured to the Panoply board. “Why don’t you join us?” He unfolded himself from his seat and started to get up.
Perry shook his head. [Sorry Heinz] he said [Not tonight. I’m here because I need your help]
Heinz looked as if he had suddenly realized it was his birthday. “Really?” he said delightedly. “You want me to help you on a mission?”
Perry nodded. [Yeah] he warbled. He pointed over his shoulder through the open door. [I’ve got the car outside] he said. [Let’s go and I’ll explain on the way]
“Right,” said Heinz. He jumped to his feet, knocking over the table and sending board and game pieces flying everywhere. He pulled his lab coat from back of his chair and shrugged it on. “Let’s go.” In a couple of strides he made his way to the door, with Perry following at his heels. With some difficulty, Heinz wedged himself into the tiny passenger seat and buckled his seat belt. “Oh,” said Heinz excitedly, looking at the hover car’s interior, “did you get an upgrade?” A radar screen glowed green in the centre of the dashboard and the console between the driver’s and passenger seats was covered with buttons and knobs.
Perry walked around to the driver’s seat. He got in and buckled his seat belt. Perry reached and took off his fedora. He fished inside and quickly found his keys. He put his fedora back on his head and stuck the key in the ignition. He shrugged as he turned it. [Yeah, it need to go in for some routine maintenance] he said [and Carl had a few ideas that he wanted to try out, so…..] Perry trailed off. Heinz eyed all the various buttons and knobs, as if he longed to push a few of them and find out what they did.
“Well give Carl my compliments,” replied Heinz, “this is his best work yet.”
Perry chuckled a little.[Thanks] he said [He’ll really appreciate that]. He put his foot down on the accelerator and the sleek white and green hover car shot up into the air. The ground dropped away rapidly and they stopped rising a hundred feet above the backyard. Perry reached down next his seat and took hold of a lever. It looked like parking brake handle. He pushed it forward until it was horizontal. The car’s jets rotated ninth degrees and they shot forward.
“Oh, wow,” said Heinz excitedly, from behind his knees. They were almost in his face. “This is so exciting, you and me fighting the good fight, so where are we going, anyway?”
Perry explained quickly. [Major Monogram felt that your skills and experience with LOVEMUFFIN might be useful on this mission] he finished.
For a half a second, Heinz looked dumbfounded. “Wait,” he said slowly, “you don’t mean that-?” he trailed off and an astonished look came over his face. “Really?” he asked excitedly, “Francis really wants me to-“ he said, “oh this is so wonderful. I really should do something nice for him-,” his train of thought was interrupted as Perry put the wheel hard over.The hover car swung around and at the same time, Perry flipped a couple of switches on the console between the seats. A red dot appeared on the radar screen and Perry put his foot down on the accelerator and they shot off into the night.
It took Zack and Melissa twenty five minutes to ride of Zack’s house all the way downtown to Danville Arena. In ordinary circumstances, they probably could have gotten there in half the time, but they had deliberately taken a slight more circuitous route.
“So won’t your Dad be pretty mad with us that we went down to the arena?” asked Zack as they dismounted and stashed their bikes.
Melissa shrugged.”Well, he didn’t tell us not to,” she replied, “and we’ve been in stranger situations with Milo before.”
For half a second, Zack looked as if he were about to dare her to name one, but he pushed the thought as side. In actuality, Zack could name about six. He nodded and, along with Melissa, surveyed the scene. Fire trucks and police car were clustered around the arena’s main entrance. Red and blue lights splashed their colours over the gigantic face of Weird Al as he beamed down from the side of the building in his violently coloured Hawaiian shirt. They watched as two police cars blocking the entrance to the parking lot pulled aside as a heavy looking armoured vehicle pulled. The writing on its side clearly spelled out
Danville Fire Department
Murphy’s Law Rapid Response Team
Zack whistled silently as the two police cars pulled back into place, blocking the entrance to the parking lot again. “So that’s the MLRT?” he asked.
Melissa nodded.”Yep.” They watched for a minute or two as vehicle’s rear door opened. Half a dozen people piled out. They began opening storage compartments on the outside of the their armoured truck and began to unpack various pieces of equipment.
Melissa tugged on Zack’s arm. “C’mon,” she said. “We need to find a way inside.”
At these words, Zack felt his chest constrict and he was reminded, unpleasantly, of the sewers under San Fransokyo. Zack had to actively work at pushing the memory aside.
Something must have shown on his face because he suddenly realized that Melissa was looking at him. “Hey,” she said, “are you OK, Zack?”
“Yeah,” he said, “I’m fine.” He turned and started walking away from her. “Let’s get going.” He turned and started walking away from her. She followed in his wake.
They walked for about ten minutes, heading away from the cops and fire fighters clustered around the building’s main entrance. They eventually came to the loading dock where the tour buses were parked. Light spilled out through the large open door and the buses cast long, strange shadows on the ground. Zack and Melissa paused briefly, carefully scrutinizing the shadows as looking for anything that might be moving. After a minute or two, when they were pretty certain that they didn’t see anyone, or anything, they started walking again.
They edged carefully into the shadows, ears pricked for unexpected noises. They jumped a little when Zack’s foot crunched loudly on broken glass. Zack and Melissa stopped and looked down. They breathed a slight sigh of relief. Zack’s foot had landed on the mirror that had clipped Milo on the back of the head in the photo he had sent them earlier. “Do you think someone heard that?” he asked. There was nobody around, as far as they knew, and for some reason that Zack couldn’t explain he was whispering.
Melissa shook her head. “I have no idea,” she replied. Now she was whispering as well. “C’mon,” she said. “Let’s find go Milo and Amanda.”
They edged carefully out of the shadows between the tour buses and into the empty loading dock. Zack and Melissa didn’t wait to see if anybody was coming. They hurried across the loading dock, their footstep echoing slightly on the concrete. They reached the heavy double doors and pushed them open. They found themselves in a carpeted hallway lined with pictures of the Danville Marmots. They both took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“OK,” said Zack, “where do we go now?”
Melissa thought for a second. “Follow the breadcrumbs,” she suggested. “I mean it’s Milo. He always leaves a trail.
Episode Sixty Nine
The taller of the two goons turned to Dr. Diminutive and gestured for his attention. “Hey boss,” he said, “we got movement.”
The tiny supervillain’s head whipped around so fast that for a half a second it seemed to have spun right off the little man’s neck. “What?!” exclaimed Dr. Diminutive. He pulled his head out the Shrinkinizor, where he was making a few adjustments, and marched over to where the much taller man was stand hunched over his computer. “Show me,” he snapped.
The tall goon pulled a release under the laptop and dropped in down to Dr. Diminutive’s eye level. He stared intently at the screen, for what seemed like a long time as a he watched the two figures on the screen emerge from between two of the tour buses and hurry across the loading dock. Dr. Diminutive frowned. This was the second time tonight that he had spotted someone running around who could potentially ruin his plan. Dr. Diminutive wracked his brain, wondering if he had missed something. After a minute or two, he pushed the thought away, having come up with nothing. The entire operation was planned down to the smallest detail, he thought in annoyance, so who are these people?! “Where are the security drones?” he asked
The shorter goon turned his attention to his computer and quickly typed in a series of commands. The arena’s floor appeared on the screen. Several red dots were moving slowly in various locations around the arena. “They’re near the Marmots’ locker rooms and under the stadium floor,” he said after a couple of minutes. He frowned at something on his screen and input another series of commands. “Looks like some tripped the sprinkler system on the main concourse.”
A murderous look came over the little supervillain. “Where?”
Dr. Diminuitive’s hands flew over the keyboard as he called up the video feed. Someone had set the kitchen behind one of the concession stands on fire. Thick, billowing smoke obscured the camera’s view of the room. Dr. Diminutive’s hands balled into fists. Who is doing this? he thought again. He turned turned to the taller of his two goons. “Find out who did this,” he snapped. “Then I want you to deal with them personally.”
Milo pressed his ear to the door of the broom closet and listened carefully. He could feel Amanda and Jeremy watching him anxiously. “Milo, what was that thing?” asked Jeremy anxiously.
Milo turned to look at the older boy in the semi-darkness. “I don’t know,” he replied. They had been making their way down what had been a deserted hallway. Milo had heard a high pitched whirring sound behind him. He had turned at the sudden sound and had found himself faced with what had appeared to be some kind of quadcopter. It had hovered in mid-air, its camera peering inquisitively at them. Milo had turned to say something to Amanda and Jeremy, when the drone had suddenly emitted high pitched whine. A bright blue hyphen of energy had shot from the drone. It had barely missed Milo and burned Jeremy’s shirt, leaving an angry looking burn on his upper arm.
Amanda and Jeremy had needed no further encouragement. They had both turned and bolted back the way the three of them had come. “Yep,” Milo had panted as he had run, only a couple of steps behind Amanda, “someone definitely heard that!”
They had dove head first in the broom closet where they now found themselves. That had been twenty minutes ago.
“I think it was some kind of robot,” said Milo.
“Any idea where it came from?” asked Amanda
“No idea,” replied Milo. “It must have come from thar Dr. Diminutive guy.”
“Yeah, who is he anyway?” asked Amanda.
Milo shook his head. “No idea,” he said again.
“So what do we do?” asked Jeremy, “we can’t just stay here.”
“We need to find Brick and Savannah,” replied Milo. “They might know what’s going on.”
Amanda and Jeremy nodded in reply and Milo put his ear to the door again, listening carefully. He turned to Amanda and Jeremy, and had opened his mouth to say, “I think it’s gone,” when the door’s hinges suddenly gave way and Milo, Amanda and Jeremy toppled into the corridor with a loud crash. They lay slightly stunned and blinking in the suddenly bright light, when they heard a familiar electric whine. The drone.
“Uh-oh,” said Jeremy.
“Looks like it wasn’t gone after all,” replied Milo.
Before any of them could say anything else, Milo’s nostrils suddenly caught a strong whiff of ozone and burning carpet. In the same instant, he was momentarily blinded by a bright blue beam of energy. He blinked rapidly several times and heard scuffling as Amanda and Jeremy got to their feet. A second later, still half blinded by the drone’s energy beam, Milo pushed himself to his feet. Peering through the hazy after glow hovering in his vision, Milo thrust a hand over his shoulder and rummaged through his backpack, searching for something he could use against the drone. His hand closed on something hard, and he pulled a baseball bat out of his backpack.
The sound of footsteps behind Milo, suddenly stopped. He turned his head, felt something hot and smelled burning hair. The drone’s energy beam had signed his scalp.
“Milo,” said Jeremy, “what are you doing?”
Milo jerked his head, “get out of here,” he said. “I’ll deal with this thing.”
“What?” cried Amanda, “ are you completely loco Milo? We’re not leaving you to fight that thing!” and before he could stop them, he felt them rifling through the contents of his backpack. A second or two later, they pulled out a badminton racket and a crowbar respectively. Milo blinked again. His vision, which had been mostly obscured, was now beginning to clear. He dropped into a batter’s stance with the baseball bat raised above his right shoulder. Milo swung at the drone, but leaned too far into his swing and stumbled. At the same moment, the drone fired another beam of energy at Milo. He smelt burning hair again and realized that the drone’s energy beam had cut the point off of his flip. He saw a flicker moment out of the corner of his eye and watched as Amanda swung and the drone with her crowbar. The drone skitters sideways and her blow landed on empty air.
Seeing that the drone was temporarily distracted, Milo tightened his grip on his baseball bat, dropped into his batter’s stance and swung again. This time, he partially connected. The drone tried to dodge the incoming baseball bat at the same moment that it tried to fire its energy beam at Amanda, but Milo’s sudden wild swung had caused it to move unexpectedly, as a result, it missed, leaving a long black scorch mark on the wall next to her.
Jeremy lunged at with his badminton racket and was able tangle one of the drone’s rotors in its strings. Suddenly unbalanced, it wobbled in the air. Milo swung at it again and this time connected fully. One of its rotor arms snapped off and fell to the floor with a dull thud. It emitted a shower sparks as he approached it and thin tendrils of smoke coiled lazily toward the ceiling.
Milo turned to Amanda. A shiny blister was rising on her neck, where the drone had shot at her. Evidently, it’s aim had been at lot better than Milo had thought it was in the confusion. That was a close shave, he thought. He felt his cheeks grow hot and had to work at pushing the unbidden feeling aside. Not now, he thought. “Are you OK, Amanda?” he asked.
She nodded and winced a little. Milo studied the burn on her neck. “Let me see that,” he said. She stood still while he gently probed her injury. That doesn’t look too bad, he thought. He thrust a hand over his shoulder and into his backpack, pulling out his first aid kit. He opened it and pulled out a tube of burn gel and a bandage.
Milo reached out slowly and gingerly picked it up. He slipped his backpack down on to one shoulder and deposited the broken drone inside. He started walking very quickly away from the scene. “C’mon,” he said, “we need to find Brick and Savannah.”
Danville Arena looked like a brightly lit model from the air. The various police cars, fire trucks and ambulances scattered around the parking lot near the building’s main entrance looked like toys as they splashed a kaleidoscope of read and blue and orange lights across the front of the building. Perry’s hover car was probably too small the be seen from the ground, but the platypus decided not to take any chances. He leaned into a wide banking turn as he circled the building, looking for an out of the way place to land. After quickly surveying the roof of the building, Perry quickly spied a good spot behind a large heat exchanger. He pulled the hover car into a tight descending spiral and minute or two later, the hover car touched down with a gentle bump. Perry pulled the key out of the ignition and stowed it under his fedora. He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out. Heinz unfolded himself from the passenger seat and stood up next to Perry.
“So now what do we do?” he asked. He paused. “Also, I don’t know why I’m whispering.”
Perry looked around, searching for a way off of the roof. After a minute or two of searching, he found a door leading to what he thought looked like a stairwell. He gestured to Heinz. [C’mon] he chittered. Perry’s head swivelled around rapidly, as he took note of the location and angles of the roof top security cameras. The platypus chittered again [Try to keep out of sight.]
With the lanky scientist in tow, Perry threaded his way through the tangle of air exchangers and and cooling units until they reached the door that Perry had spied earlier. He reached up and tried the handled. It rattled in his hand. It was locked. Perry reached up and took off his fedora, searching for his lock picking kit. His had closed around the leather case full of files and screwdrivers, when he suddenly became aware of movement behind him. He turned and found himself staring into the business end of what at first appeared to be some kind of gun.
“Behold, Perry the Platypus! It’s my open-any-door-inator!” said Heinz excitedly.
If had been possible for Perry to blanch, he would have. He had too much experience with Heinz’ inators to imagine that this would end anything other than badly. [Heinz, put that away] he chittered in alarm [we need to keep a low profile.]
“Oh, come on Perry the Platypus,” replied Heinz, “don’t you want to see how my new inator works?”
Perry shook his head. [Heinz, we don’t have time for this] he said.
“But it’ll make opening the door so much easier,” Heinz waggled the end of his inator over Perry’s head at the door. “Are you sure you don’t want to give it a try?”
Perry shook his head again. [Later, Heinz] he said, but Heinz apparently didn’t hear him. He raised the inator and pointed it at the door. Perry realized that Heinz’ finger was on the trigger. He leapt at Heinz. In the same instant, Heinz pulled the trigger. A bright blue beam of pencil thin energy lance out from the inator. In the same moment, Heinz lost his balance as the platypus barrelled into him, tackling him and knocking him to the ground. The inator in Heinz’ hand swung wildly. The taste of asphalt was on Perry’s tongue as the end of his bill came into contact with the ground. A strong whiff of ozone reached his nostrils. Perry got to his feet. He dusted himself off and looked around. The door leading into the stairwell was smoking slightly. It looked as if someone had cut a line through it with a welding torch.
Heinz sat up, looking indignant. “Hey!” he said, “what did you do that for?”
Perry shrugged. He turned his back on Heinz and walked over to the still smoking door. [I didn’t have time to reason with you.] The platypus was scanning the ground, looking for his lock picking kit. After a second or two, he found it. Perry bent over and picked it up. [We’re trying to keep a low profile, remember?]
Heinz got to his feet and dusted himself off. “So?” he said, in a slightly aggrieved tone of voice. “Did you really have to do that, Perry the Platypus? I mean we are friends, aren’t we?”
I’m going to hear about this for awhile, thought Perry, aren’t I? He turned back to the door and unzipped his lock picking kit. He pulled out a pair of slender files and focused his attention on the door’s lock. It was only then that he noticed that it was missing. There was a neat looking hole burned clean through the door. Perry heard the crunch of footsteps on the asphalt behind him as Heinz got to his feet. A shadow fell over the platypus and he turned.
Heinz was beaming at the door. “See, Perry the Platypus?” he said, “I told you my open-any-door-inator could open any door.” He stared at the door for a second or two, then frowned. “wait, this isn’t my open-any-door-inator,” he stared down at the device in his hand and appeared to realize something, “Heinz, you dunkoff,” he said to himself, “this isn’t your open-any-door-inator all at, this your door-vaporizer-inator, which to be fair looks very similar to my open-any-door-inator, so I can understand the confusion.”
Perry reached and put a teal coloured hand on the door. He pushed it and it fell off its hinges, toppling over with a dull bang that reverberated loudly in the stairwell. Perry flinched instinctively at the echoing noise. Somebody probably heard that, he thought. He walked over the fallen door, the slap-slap-slap of his webbed lost in the still reverberating echo of the door’s crash into the concrete floor. He made his way down the stairs, with Heinz following along flatfootedly behind him. They made their way down several flights, without talking. Perry was fully alert, listening for the slightest sound.
They had descended perhaps half way down the stairwell, when Perry heard thought he heard something. He stopped walking, listening hard. He held up a hand to silence Heinz, who had opene his mouth, as if he had been about to say something. A high frequency buzzing filled the stairwell. Perry reached into his fedora and pulled out his grappling gun, holding it at the ready in front of him. A second or two, later the drone rose lazily into view. Its camera regarded the platypus and the pharmacist coldly for a moment and Perry had just long enough to notice that the drone appeared to have some kind of weapon. Without waiting for the drone to react, Perry squeezed the trigger on his grappling gun. The grappling hook shot out from the barrel of the gun. The line unspooled rapidly behind it with a high pitched whistling noise. At the same moment, the drone slid smoothly to one side, dodging the incoming grappling hook, which sank into the opposite wall with a solid sounding thunk, and a spray of splintered concrete. Without pausing, the platypus, jumped up on the handrail. A whiff of ozone and a high powered whine reached his nostrils and he was temporarily blinded by a blindingly bright beam of energy. Perry distantly heard Heinz say, “hey! That was my favourite lab coat! Oh, it’s on!”
Out of the corner of his eye, Perry say Heinz pulled what looked to be another inator out of the pocket of his lab coat. It had what appeared to a large electromagnetic coil and a battery bolted onto a weathered looking pistol grip. Perry was suddenly the fur on the left hand side of his body was standing on end. At the same moment Perry heard the sound of metal being wrenched loose and turned just in time see the hand rail from the staircase on the opposite side of the stairwell hurtling toward them. Without thinking, Perry reached around behind him, grabbed Heinz by the collar of his lab coat, flicked a switch on his grappling gun and jumped.
This made me LOL - it's like the George Carlin list of gentle team names, unlike the Lions or Tigers or Bears or Longhorns - George suggested the "Miami Mice" and "Georgia Gerbils." Good thing Perry is on the job!
Well, he is a semi-aquatic ass kicking mammal of action.......
Perry felt his stomach lurch as he hurled himself into the void. The rushing wind ruffled his fur and tugged on the brim of his fedora. Behind him, Heinz yelled something unintelligible as he was dragged over the edge of the stairwell and into open space. The line attached to the grappling hook embedded in the wall spooled out with a high pitched whizzing noise. Somewhere above them the metal handrail that Heinz had pulled off the opposite staircase with his inator collided with the opposite wall. A loud metallic clang echoed off of the walls of the stairwell. At the same instant a shadow fell over them. Perry chanced an upward glance. The air was visible shimmering, as in a heat wave, but it wasn’t hot and the platypus was momentarily confused. Then he noticed something falling very rapidly and immediately put two and two. [Heinz] he chittered urgently [turn that off.]
Before he could say or do anything else, Perry came to a sudden jerking stop. He had no time tp gather his wits, before the world spun crazily and he was turned upside down as Heinz plummeted past him and came to a stop, dangling in mid-air, half out of his lab coat. His long legs dangled over empty space. The shadow of the falling hand rail was getting larger. [Heinz] said Perry [swing your legs. We need to get of this stairwell.]
Heinz looked up at the sound of his name. He started to say, “what did you do that for, Perry the Platypus?” but his eyes fixed on the falling handrail. He flicked a switch on the inator in his hand and pointed it upward. “Hang on Perry the Platypus,” he said, “I got this!” He squeezed the trigger. What happened next thaw the opposite of what he probably thought was going to happen. The air above them shimmered as before, and Perry felt himself being pulled upward as Heinz’ inator suddenly began to pull them both upward against the force of gravity toward the falling rain of metal.
[Heinz] chittered Perry, a note of alarm in his voice [what are you do-]. The platypus didn’t have time to finish his sentence. He slammed into the pile of metal and split second later, the air was driven from his lungs as Heinz collided with him. Perry saw something go spinning away into the empty space of the stairwell. The air shimmered under the influence of magnetic field lines as Heinz’ inator dropped into the void. Perry’s hand tightened instinctively on the grip of his grappling gun and the fistful of Heinz’ lab coat in his other hand. Perry felt his stomach lurch and they were momentarily weightless as the suddenly slack line played out. Then then the platypus felt a hard jerk in his arm and they were falling again and Perry could once again hear the high pitch whizzing sound of the grappling gun’s line rapidly paying out.
Lights and staircases flicked past rapidly in a confused blur. He could feel the wind ruffling his fur again and tugging the brim of his fedora. The hem of Heinz’ lab coat flapped as they fell. Perry looked down again and was suddenly aware that the bottoms of the stairwell was rushing up at them. He chanced a glance around at their surroundings. Lights and doors and staircase were still rapidly flicking past. He did some quick mental calculations and tensed. He chittered at Heinz. [Get ready.]
Heinz looked up at him and started to,”for what?” but before he could get the words out, Perry swung his arm back and forth several times. Heinz swung back and forth in a wide arc, gradually gaining more and more momentum with every swing. Then with a deft flick of his wrist and Heinz went flying off to one side with a loud and wordless yell. Heinz instinctively shut his eyes and braced himself for a collision with hard and unyielding concrete. Instead he heard a loud OOOOOOF! like the air being driven forcibly out of a soccer ball.
“OW!” said Heinz irritably. Someone had just driven an elbow into his back. “Hey! That really hurt you know.”
“Will you get off me,” said a slightly muffled man’s voice from under Heinz’ backside. He felt someone prod him in the back again and he swore to himself in Drusslestienian. Honestly, he thought, that platypus. His thoughts were interrupted by more muffled voices and more prodding.
“Can you get off of us?” asked a woman’s voice in growing annoyance.
Heinz got his feet. He turned to see who he had landed. A man in a now rumpled tuxedo and a woman, her perfectly once quaffed hair askew and her long evening dress disheveled, lay on the floor. Savannah pushed aside the tresses of her long dark hair and stared upward at Heinz. She recognized him at once and got to her feet.
“Doofenshmirtz-,” she began.
Brick got up and interjected. “-what is he doing here?”
Heinz brightened as Savannah got to here feet. “Hey,” he exclaimed excitedly, “I remember you. You came to Milo’s house last year with Milo’s friend girl.”
Savannah suppressed an involuntary shudder. She remembered the incident too. She had stumbled into Melissa by accident, when she had found Melissa in her time vehicle. Brick and Savannah had been in the of an unrelated investigation when they were separated. Savannah had dove headlong into the time limo and shouted at Lars to drive. The time limo had disappeared into the time stream in a flash of blue light. It had only been then Savannah had noticed Melissa sitting on the opposite seat. Her father had signed up her for a day of knitting and tea drinking through a local big sister program call You Go Girl. For her part, Melissa hadn’t been interested in knitting and tea drinking, and had tried to convince her father to let her go on a ride along. Finding her self mixed up with time travelling super spies had been exactly what she had been looking for.
Savannah had been in the process of trying to tactfully tell Melissa that she couldn’t tag along with them because it was too dangerous when a holographic projector flickered to life and a hologram of a man in his early fifties appeared. He spoke with a deep, gravelly voice. “Savannah,” he had said, “I see you got the briefcase, good.” That was when he had noticed Melissa. “Oh hey, I see you finally signed up for the Spy Little Sister mentoring program.”
Savannah’s face had flickered slightly at these words, “oh,” she had said, “yes, that’s what I did.”
“In less than three hours, a homemade robot will go on a rampage and wipe out half of Danville. I need you two to go foreword in time to find out what went wrong and then go back in time and stop it.” The hologram had then blinked off.
A short time jump into the future had revealed the anticipated mayhem. Milo and Zack had signed up to take part in the annual Jefferson G County Middle School Build-a-Bot contest. Predictably, things had started to gone wrong when the bulb in their nightlight robot had shorted out. Zack had reached into Dr. Doofenshmirtz’ box of parts and retrieved what he had thought was an ordinary lightbulb. When he had plugged it in, the apparently innocuous looking light bulb and immediately turned Milo and Zack’s harmless robot into a rampaging tornado of destruction. Savannah had grabbed Melissa and immediately bolted for the limo, which had been parked outside.
Once inside, Savannah had rummaged through her hand bag, eventually producing what appeared be some sort of smart device. A holographic projection had flickered into existence in front of her as she performed some kind of search. “Doofenshmirtz is off the grid,” she had said with a slightly frown. “There’s no record of him in this timeline.”
Melissa had given the time agent a triumphant look. “Actually,” she had replied, “he’s crashing on Milo’s couch.”
Savannah had given the teenager an appraising look, as she had misjudged her. “Not bad,” she had said. A short time hop later head landed them at the curb in front of Milo’s house. Savannah had followed Melissa up the driveway to the front door. Melissa had momentarily dug in her pocket and pulled out a spare house. It had rattled in the lock as she had turned it and the door had swung open. Diogee had come bounding down the hall, barking happily at the site of Melissa. She had grabbed him as soon as he came within arms’ reach. She quieted him with a scratch under his chin. They had walked into the hall and Savannah had stood completely still, listening carefully. Discordant, very off-key singing drifted down from somewhere upstairs.
“Come on,” Savannah had said. She had gone charging up the stairs, with Melissa trailing behind her and stopped a minute or two later at the bathroom door. Savannah suppressed a shudder at the memory of kicking down the door to find Heinz Doofenshmirtz perched in a ratty looking blue bathrobe on the end of Milo’s toilet. He had had a long, bony foot propped up on the edge of the bathtub. They had barged in on him in middle of clipping his toenails.
There had followed a confused scream, followed by the slamming of the bathroom door. “Let’s go forward fifteen minutes,” Savannah had said, “because I will never unsee that.”
Savannah crossed her arms over her chest and eyed Heinz sceptically. “What are you doing here, Doofenshmirtz?” she asked. “If you are responsible in any way for-,” she began in a threatening tone, but Heinz bristled in indignation at the time agent’s words.
“I will have you know that I am no longer an evil scientist-,” he began.
“-I’ll believe that when I see it,” muttered Brick.
Heinz had to work at ignoring the jibe. “I am here at the request of OWCA,” he replied, “as a consultant on evil scientists.”
Brick and Savannah exchanged a glance at these words. “I guess I owe a twenty,” replied Savannah.
Brick nodded, “I told you OWCA would show up.”
Savannah thought for a second, “so if you’re here,” she began, “then that must mean-,” she was interrupted by the sound of a line being rapidly wound around a spool. A second or two later, something teal coloured vaulted into view, as Perry the Platypus somersaulted on the staircase between Heinz and Savannah.
“Yep,” replied Savannah, “that’s what I figured.” She nodded at the platypus. “Nice to see you again Agent P, it’s been awhile.”
Perry tipped his fedora in greeting at the two time agents. [Brick, Savannah] he chittered [nice to see you again]
“So what brings you here?” asked Savannah.
Perry shrugged. [The inator alert went off] he said [Major Monogram asked us to look into it. You?]
“We were supposed to be making a pick-up,” replied Savannah, with shrug, “but that’s not happening now.”
“Well we have a mission to complete,” Heinz interjected, “ you know, important spy business and all that good stuff. Come on Perry the Platypus, we should be going.”
Episode Seventy One
“Heads up,” the goon stopped halfway down the hall, at the sound of his partner speaking in his earpiece.
He put his finger to his ear, as if doing so would allow him to hear better. He stared at the long black scorch mark on the opposite wall and frowned to himself. He had been following a trail of destruction. He wasn’t sure if whoever was doing was trying taunt him or possibly just committing random acts of vandalism for their own amusement, but he had the sense that he was gaining on them. “Talk to me,” he replied.
“We have movement.”
“Where?” he asked.
“Northeast stairwell.” Static hissed in his ears, for ten or twenty seconds, punctuated by the rhythmic click of computer keys. “You’re not going to believe this.”
“What is it?”
“I got eyes on Agent P.”
“What?” asked the big goon. “Are you sure?”
“Definitely,” replied his partner. “Beaver tail, bill, fedora, the whole-,” the goon cut his partner off.
“OK, OK,” he replied, “so we got OWCA in the building.” He paused thinking quickly. If Agent P was in the building, then OWCA knew about the situation and was taking Dr. Diminutive seriously. “I’ll go check it out.”
“OK, let me know when you have something.”
“Yeah, got it, I’ll check in with you later.”
“Do you think we lost him?”asked Jeremy.
Milo shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said. They had encountered the tall, muscular LOVEMUFFIN goon, for the third time fifteen minutes ago.
“Could he be following us?” asked Amanda.
Milo pondered the question for a minute or two. He decided that they had to consider the possibility. “I think it might be my fault,” he said after a moment’s thought.
Amanda and Jeremy gave each other a confused look. When she spoke, Amanda’s voice carried a note of concern. “Milo, what are you saying?” she asked.
“Well,” he said, “there was the the fire in the kitchen behind the snack bar, and the burst water main and the incident with the drone,” he nodded over his shoulder to his backpack, which still held the remains pod the mangled quadcopter which had shot at them earlier.
“So, what’s your point?” asked Amanda, “I mean I know you’re a disaster magnet, but-,” Milo cut her her off.
His insides squirmed at all a little at what he was about to say. Milo took a deep steadying breath. “I think we need to split up,” he said. Amanda and Jeremy both opened their mouths to protest. Milo held up a hand to silence them. “Hear me out,” he said. “Whoever that guy is, he’s following us because of me. If we split up, maybe I can draw him away and the two of you will have a better a chance of finding Brick and Savannah.”
Amanda appeared to consider this for a moment or two. “I don’t know Milo-,” she began.
Jeremy interjected, “-yeah,” he said, “this sounds kind of risky. Shouldn’t we stay together?”
“I know it’s a risk,” he said, “but if we split up, we might be able to throw him off.”
Amanda and Jeremy traded and a sceptical look. Milo could tell that neither of them liked his plan, but at the same time, they couldn’t offer a better idea. Jeremey nodded and Amanda took a deep breath. “OK,” she said reluctantly, “we’ll split up. Hopefully he won’t who to follow and that might make it easier to one of us to find Brick and Savannah.”
Milo nodded again and felt his insides squirm even more. He had to work at pushing the sensation away. It didn’t make him feel better and a small part of him wanted to stay with Amanda and Jeremy. Really, Milo? You’re going to bail on your friends right when they need you? He had to actively clamp down on the the voice in his head, the prevent it from saying, Jeremy’s not your friend. His gaze shifted from Amanda and Jeremy to the door. Might as well get this over with, he thought. “I’ll go out first,” he said. “If Murphy’s Law is going to hit, it should hit me first.” They all walked to the door. “Wait a couple of minutes then leave.”
Amanda and Jeremy nodded. Milo put his hand on the door knob. It came off in his hand. He tried not to see that as a sign. He put it on the low book shelf next the door and slowly pushed the door open. He carefully stuck his head out into the hallway, he looked one way, and then the other. He didn’t see anything. Milo took a deep breath and stepped out into the hall. He stood completely still, as if waiting for something to happen. He felt like a deer in on coming headlights. When nothing happened, he motioned to Amanda and Jeremy, who had been waiting with slightly apprehensive looks just inside the door. After a minute or two, they stepped cautiously through the door.
Milo took another deep breath. He had to mentally shove aside the little voice in his head which was trying to berate him for splitting off from Amanda and Jeremy. Shut up! Milo thought to himself, this is not a good time for this.He realized that he had been holding his breath for at least a minute and slowly let it out. “OK,” he said, he pointed down the hall, which curved gently around the corner and out of sight. “I’m going to go this way,” he said, “I think there was an intersection back that way,” he pointed back the way they had come, “perhaps you should go that way and go down a side corridor.”
“OK,” said Amanda, with a nod. Milo turned to go, but before he had taken more than a couple of steps, he felt a sudden hand on his shoulder. “Milo, wait.”
Milo stopped. He turned back toward Amanda. “Milo,” she after a second or two, which seemed to last for several eternities, “be careful, OK?”
Milo’s stomach seemed to flip at these words, but he pushed the sensation aside. “I always am,” he replied, and he smiled at her. Even as he did it, he couldn’t decide if it was to make her feel better, or it for himself. Worry about that later, Milo, he thought to himself, for now you have to get going. “Don’t worry,” he said to Amanda and Jeremy, “everything will be fine.” He turned and started walking away from the other two. He had to force himself to keep going and not turn around. He was afraid that if he did, he might lose his nerve. Just keep walking, he thought, just find Brick and Savannah and everything will be fine.
Amanda and Jeremy turned and walked away from Milo had been standing. She could hear his footsteps fading away as he walked down the corridor in the opposite direction. She took a deep breath, held it for a few seconds and then slowly let it out. She felt her pulse quicken and she had to actively stop herself from turning around and following him. Everything is going to be fine, she told herself, we’re going to find Brick and Savannah and they’ll know what’s going on. They kept walking, back the way they had come earlier until they reached the intersection that Milo had thought he had remembered.
They stopped well short, in order to keep out of sight. Jeremy spoke in a whisper. “We should be careful,” he said, “we have no idea who might be watching.” Amanda nodded wordlessly, and together, the two of them pressed their backs agains the wall, and inched toward the intersection. They stopped just and Jeremy stuck hid head out into the open space and looked around the corner. There was nobody there. He looked the other way and didn’t see anything. He nodded and at Amanda and they both relaxed a little. They walked cautiously into the middle of the deserted intersection and looked around. “So, what do we do know?”asked Jeremy.
They glance around themselves, as expecting their immediate surroundings to provide some sort of clue. When it didn’t, Amanda said, “I think we should go this way.”
Jeremy paused, “are you sure?” he asked. He nodded in the other direction. “Maybe we should go this way instead.”
Amanda looked in one direction than the other, trying to decide what to do. Milo was getting further away with every second they wasted here. I’m not really sure there’s a difference, she thought. Amanda looked around again, unsure of she should do. She suddenly thought of about a million things she should have asked Milo. Amanda pushed these thoughts aside. She turned and started walking. Jeremy started slightly at the unexpected motion.
“Hey, wait for me,” he said, hurrying after her. He fell into stride beside her. “What makes you think we should be going this way?” he asked after a couple of minutes.
“I’m not really sure,” replied Amanda, after a moment’s hesitation. “I guess I’m just Miloing up.”
Jeremy looked momentarily confused. “Yeah, I don’t really know what means,” he said.
Amanda flushed a little. “Oh,” she replied, “its just something that Zack and Melissa say sometimes.” She shrugged, “usually when things get really loco around Milo.”
“And…..I’m guess that happens a lot?” asked Jeremy.
Amanda shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, well you know, Murphy’s Law,” she replied, “anything that can go wrong-,”
“-will go wrong,” finished Jeremy. He was silent for several minutes. “Oh,” he said, he sound as if he had made a sudden connection, “so you’re Phineas and Ferb’s friends.”
“How do you know Phineas and Ferb?” asked Amanda.
Jeremy blushed a little, “Oh,” he replied, “Their sister Candace is a friend of mine. Too bad they’re not here,” he said. “We could sure use them right now, but I think they’re exploring alternate timelines.” He fell into to silence and neither of them said anything for what seemed like a long time. Both of them kept their ears open for any unusual sounds, but neither of them heard anything. As a result Amanda wasn’t paying attention when she walked into Zack and nearly knocked him over.
“OW!” he said, slightly annoyed, “hey, watch where-,” then he recognized Amanda. “Oh, sorry,” he said slightly sheepishly.
“Are you alright?” asked Melissa.
“And where’s Milo?” asked Zack. “Is he OK?”
“He was the last time we saw him,” interjected Jeremy.
Amanda nodded her head head at the older boy. “This is Jeremy,” she said, “he’s a friend of Phineas.”
“Great,” Zack and Melissa brightened at the mention of the genius step-brothers. “We might need their help.”
“Speaking of help,” said Amanda, “what are the two of you doing here?”
Melissa shrugged. “Dad got a sudden call after dinner,” she replied. “He activated the MLRT and met them here. I called Zack and we came right afterward.”
“Wait, what is the MLRT?” asked Jeremy, slightly confused.
“It’s the Murphy’s Law Response Team,” replied Melissa.
Amanda and Jeremy traded a surprised look. “There’s a Murphy’s Law Response Team?” asked Amanda.
“Yeah,” replied Melissa. “The last time they were activated was when the Pistachions tried to take over the future, but you probably don’t remember that.”
“That still doesn’t answer the question of where is Milo?” interjected Zack.
Amanda’s face wore a slightly pained expression. She spoke for ten minutes without stopping. Zack and Melissa listened while she spoke, filling them in on everything that had happened, since Martin had dropped them off. When she was finished talking, Zack and Melissa traded slightly exasperated looks. They had always appreciated Milo’s ability put everyone before himself, but sometimes he had one hell of a sense of timing.
“Well, at least Brick and Savannah are here,” said Melissa. “That’s something, I suppose.”
“Yeah, but we don’t know where they are,” replied Zack. “And we still have to find Milo, too.”
Melissa turned her attention back to Amanda and Jeremy. “I don’t suppose you know where Milo, do you?” she asked.
Amanda nodded, “he went that way,” she said pointing. Melissa started walking and Zack fell into line beside her.
Amanda looked for a moment as if she was about to say something, then turned and followed the other two, with Jeremy following behind her.
The tall goon stood at the bottom of the stairwell and looked up into the empty space above his head. He frowned slightly to himself. A slowly shifting kaleidoscope of light and shadow played across his face as he stared upward into the void. A jumbled pile of metal hovered in mid-air. The various piece rotated slow, occasionally collide with each other to a loud, echoing clang, which reverberated off the walls in the confined space. What could this be? he wonders. He keyed his walkie-talkie and raised it to his lips. “Do you you have eyes on the northeast stairwell?”
A voice spoke in his ear. “Yeah,” said his companion, “why?”
“Pull up the feed and tell me what you see.”
“Yeah, OK, just give me a second.” There was a minute or two of silence during he could hear the rain hiss of static and rhyming click of computer keys. The voice of the smaller goon spoke in the taller one’s ear again. “Yeah, I have the security feed from your current location,” he began.
Something in his voice set alarm bells ringing in the taller goon’s brain. He had a bad feeling that he wasn’t going to like what came next. “What is it?” he asked.
He heard the sound of more typing. “I’m trying to run an image enhancement, the camera angles aren’t very good in your location-,” the taller goon keyed his walkie-talkie and interjected.
“What did you see?” he asked, slightly irritably.
There was a long pause that broken only by the hiss of static, then the smaller goon’s voice spoke. “I think Dr. Doofenshmirtz is here.”
There was a short silence that seemed to last for several eternities. Eventually he found his voice again. “Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yeah, pretty sure. Hunched shoulders, flat feet, lab coat, receding forehaed, there’s only one supervillain I know who fits that description.”
“Yeah,” replied the taller goon into his walkie-talkie. What could he possibly be doing here? he thought to himself. Doofenshmirtz had dropped out of sight at the end of last summer. The rumour had circulated in the evil scientist community that Heinz was no longer evil, or possibly never had been. In either case, the tall goon couldn’t possibly imagine what he might be doing here. But I’m going to find out, he thought.