Saga Dissonant Echoes of a Fragmented Mind (Vader/Ami - AU EpIII) Thank You!

Doc this is so depressing you are going to have to pass out anti-depressants with the posts

The contrast of outer Padme who is utterly a shell versus the inner Padme who obviously thinks non-stop about things is fascinating!

I fear what actually happened between Ani and Padme but then I must know.

Wonderful. This just gets better and better...

 

Vivid descriptions - you write the inner workings of her broken mind so convincingly I can actually believe that this kind of mental condition really exists.

She thinks of something happy then she thinks of something bad. I'm paraphrasing a line I saw in an old Meredith B Mallory story about Padme's diary in her post-Ep3 detention camp. In that diary, she wrote that when she(Padme) had a happy memory of Anakin, she immediately thought of an ugly one to erase it. Sort of helped her keep her balance. I like to think that that's what's happening here, albeit subconsciously.

The memories are so poignant.... Her wedding night. Losing their respective cherries is enough alone to make that a pretty happy memory!... Then the horrid one. Liked the backstory of her estrangement with Anakin - her fright, her mind-shielding...

?I don?t have to do anything!? Anakin exudes an aura that crackles with furious electricity, and Padmé recoils from it. ?I?ve done everything for you! I?ve sacrificed everything for you!?
Yikes! That must have hurt. Especially as it's probably the truth. From a certain point of view.

Padme's state right now is so pathetic. At least, one case has been put to rest finally - This is Padme and not Palpatine's sick joke of a clone. The memories prove it.

 

CrystalKenobi: Thank you! I'm glad you like my portrayal of the Padme-within.

Sock_of_Darth_Vader: It's so strange to see the two Padmes contrasted--the living, loving, assertive young woman we know and love, and the catatonic non-funtioning shell.

- I thought it would make the pathos of her plight so much more poignant to have Padme locked away within the catatonic shell. All that vibrant personality suppressed as much as possible...

Dally: Hope? Is there such a thing?

ViariSkywalker: More on evilness later... And...gmta!

Darth_Lex: Why do the eyes bother you? Until you've been married to an ophthalmologist who brings home pig eyes for dissection and leaves them in your freezer you have no idea about creepy eyes...

SaraKenobi: Good conjecture More on that later...

LadyZ: Thank you!

TKeira_Lea: First you have me handing out cyber sedatives and now cyber antidepressants???

leia_naberrie: Wow, what story was it that you read where Padme was alternating her memories of Anakin in such a way? Where can I find it? Curious...

More right away!

 

Chapter Seven

Vader finishes his business with the Senator of Lexiri and now moves on to his next task. He is to go to Cylapen on the far Outer Rim where a new cloning factory has been created to replace the one lost on Kamino. The Jedi destroyed that one at the beginning of the Clone Wars thinking to put a stop to Palpatine?s power that way, but they were too late.

As Dominator leaves orbit around Lexiri and goes into hyperspace, he stands on the bridge watching the surreal patterns of hyperspace. Padmé stands beside him. Her eyes appear to be staring at the view through the transparisteel windows, but he knows that she is not really seeing what is before her.

It has been nearly two weeks now since he found her on Aksala. Two frustrating weeks in which he has learned more questions than answers. Vader has not been idle this whole time. He has sent his minions to research her past for him. They have told him about the slave market on Emon, and they have discovered the records of when she was sold. They have traced her arrival on Aksala to the date, but the ship which brought her is a mystery. These cargo ships are normally used for transporting livestock and transported slaves are simply listed as ?human chattel?.

So an investigation is underway on all of the ships which arrived on Aksala during that time period. Vader will get to the bottom of this mystery, no matter what it takes.

In the mean time, he has sent Padmé for medical tests. Every medical test possible has been used on her. Physically, they find nothing. Mentally, they find even less. She is but a blank slate and she does not give out her secrets.

Padmé stands on the bridge and her eyes take in the view of hyperspace before her, but the outer Padmé does not register the view, does not know what she?s seeing. The inner Padmé recognizes this, and this triggers other memories.

She remembers the transport that she and Anakin took from Coruscant to Naboo all those years ago when Anakin was sworn to be her Jedi protector and to defend her against assassins. She remembers how, in spite of her best intentions, she fell in love with him then. She was defenseless against his youthful charm, and his ardor. She remembers holding up barriers, being cold, avoiding him when possible; finding any weapon she could to ward him off, to protect herself from falling in love, but not knowing that the battle had been lost from the first moment she saw him with Obi-Wan in her apartment on Coruscant.

She remembers other trips she has taken with Anakin as well. She remembers another journey from Coruscant to Naboo. This took place not long after the battle of Geonosis. Anakin had fallen into a deep depression because of his hand; he was convinced that being maimed made him less than a man. This time he had been the one who had tried to avoid her, but he could not evade a direct order from Yoda. The diminutive Jedi Master had ordered Anakin to escort her home. That journey had been another fraught with peril; Anakin had saved her life more than once on that trip, and in so doing had learned that he was worthy of love. And she had given her love to him freely by now. She, who?d thought to dedicate her life to the service of Naboo, now found that her desire to marry Anakin, to be by his side, to be his wife?all these desires swept through her to the exclusion of all else.

She thinks back to their wedding at sunset at the Lake Retreat. She remembers feeling protected by the glow of the sunlight and the glow of Anakin?s love for her. She remembers this happiness she felt that day in a detached way. It is a distant memory, for she knows she will never be happy again.

Her thoughts now turn to sadness and she now remembers her last glimpse of her children. She remembers handing them to Sabé, her loyal handmaiden. Sabé will care for her daughter and raise the child as her own. But for her son?her son who looked so much like Anakin, even she will not know where he has been taken. Obi-Wan will take him from Sabé?s hand and deliver the child to be r

 

More and more interesting every time... Does IP (Inner Padme) realize who Vader is? Can IP get past OP if she wishes to? Could IP speak after all?

So. Many. Questions.

And Padme's memories were so sad. Her love for Anakin and the happy memories - and then the awful experience of having the twins taken away for their own safety...

Can't wait for more!

(BTW, I liked the subtle self-reference to "Lost Charm" when Padme remembers the post-Geonosis trip to Naboo. That was one of my favorite stories in the A/P Proposal Anthology at the Archives. In fact, I may go read it again! )

 

*Grabs box of Kleenex*

Now I'm all teary-eyed! The part about Padmé giving up Luke and Leia was heart-wrenching!

I'm really wondering how this is all going to turn out. So many questions!! This is such a good story!

 

Oops, forgot to reply to the last post. Sorry, LP.

Loved them both, though! Padmé's memories of giving up the babies.... Very eloquently written, Jieh. *sniffs*

Well, the kids are alive. There goes my theory about what happens in this story. I'm happily lost again, Jieh.

 

Welcome back LP and what a homecoming gift!

Oh Padme... ...



*grabs box of Kleenex from RebelPrincess**
My tears have choked up my review.


P.S. That story you asked about is
FROM WHEREVER I AM TO YOU - Padme's prison diary as told by Meredith B Mallory.

 

First you have me handing out cyber sedatives and now cyber antidepressants??? Just for the record, I am every doctor's worst nightmare - I hate to take anything if I can help it - but it's fun to ask

On to the post -

Man oh man! Can you imagine giving away your babies ? How utterly horrible for a mother, and she has no husband to lean on. Then two of her pillars of support are the ones who take her children. No wonder she lost it!

For all the sadness, what I really feel is mad Mad at Anakin for losing himself; mad a Vader for being who is. GRRRR!

Great post as always!

Glad you're back!

 

That was a wondeful post full of emotion from inner Padme over her lost love and her children. Still wonder what caused her to be the way she is. I sometimes think maybe the loss itself caused her to be this way.

 

Aww, that was really sad . . . *cries* . . . very very good post!

 

Darth_Lex: Wow! You read Lost Charm? Thank you! That was the very first fanfic story I'd ever written. That was also supposed to be my last, but as you can see I just can't shut up

RebelPrincess: Aw...pats gently...don't cry...the next post actually has some happy in it. Really!

Gabri_Jade: * grins * Yes, I realize this does ruin your speculation, although I liked that one a lot, too.

As for Padme giving up her babies, she was way calmer than I'd be. But then, she was once a queen...

leia_naberrie: Thank you! And thanks also for the link. Will try to get to that story as soon as I can.

TKeira_Lea: Well, giving up her children isn't exactly why she loses it, but it certainly doesn't help her state of mind when she does...

- Instead of cyber antidepressants, sends cyber chocolate to readers instead. This should work better

CrystalKenobi: * grins * As I've stated to TKL, losing the kids is not the reason she loses it, but it contributes.

TotaleFinsteris: Thank you!

 

*Munching cyber chocolate and waiting for next post*

 

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Me too.

 

Great post!

There are so many "Padme-tells-her children -goodbye" stories nowdays... our dear author managed to make the touching and emotional storyline even more complex with inserting it into her own story. Well done, fantastic idea!

 

So terribly sad. Does Padme know who Vader is? I am very curious to see where this story is going!

 

Rebel Princess and Gabri_Jade: Next post coming right away!

LadyZ: I'm glad you liked the Padme-gives-up-the-children scenario. I was afraid it would sound too cliche.

Dally: Hmmm...on some level, Padme does know who he is. Will discuss that later.

More right away!

 

Chapter Eight

The business on Cylapen is completed and now Vader orders Domination to return to Coruscant so that he may report to his master again.

As the ship enters hyperspace, Vader returns to his quarters where the girl sits in her eternal silence and stillness. He still has not uncovered the mystery of her silence, or the mystery of her origins, but he does not doubt that she is his Padmé. He cannot explain why he knows so thoroughly. He just knows.

And he knows that despite her utter lack of responsiveness, the fact that she sits by his side is balm to his heart in a twisted way that should not be. He grieves for her loss of identity, but he is also comforted to know she is with him again. And perhaps he feels a kinship with her; both of them have lost their identities. Both of them have hidden their inner selves within an unrecognizable outer shell.

As he has done every day since he found her, he sits beside her quietly. He takes her hand in his, stroking it gently, trying to will her to speak through the Force. Although she has never evinced any emotion, nor coherent words, Vader is convinced that he senses a difference in her; that she recognizes him, that she wants to see him as well. He would not take kindly to a suggestion that this is only wishful thinking on his part.

As he sits beside her, he has no words. He tried speaking to her when she first came, but her silence was too unnerving. And besides, what other words does he have to say to her other than that he loves her and that he?s sorry? Even the fact that she?s hidden his child from him?part of him can understand that?after all, he?s a monster. He?s a black, glowering beast who would frighten any child; and after he ordered the destruction of Naboo, after all the Jedi he hunted down and killed, after all the masses he slaughtered in the name of Palpatine and the Empire and his own hate and rage, he really is a monster. How can he condemn her for hiding their child away? He knows he does not deserve their child. He wonders if perhaps the child died on Naboo?if that is what drove her to this insanity. He is not sure what to wonder. And so he says nothing.

---

Strangely, sitting beside him at this time, Padmé has been thinking of Naboo, too. She has been remembering the destruction of the beautiful, gracious planet that once sheltered a kindly people. She barely escaped with her life, and were it not for the children she sheltered within her womb, she would have stayed to defend her world.

Instead, there were too many voices urging her to flee: Sabé and Dormé and Eirtaé, and Rabé and her parents and her sister?all of them in a chorus with Obi-Wan?s voice. All of them begging her to leave Naboo for the sake of the children.

The transport that took her away from her home for the last time just made it into hyperspace before the arrival of the Star Destroyers. Mercifully, she did not witness first-hand the bombardment that rained down upon Naboo for seven days and seven nights. She was spared the ruin of Theed Palace and the Lakeside Retreat. She was spared the destruction of her hometown, and the sight of her parents? bodies blown to pieces by the laser blasts.

Sabé cares for her those first days when Padmé thinks she will go mad with grief. Little does she know then what form true madness will take. Sabé helps Padmé adjust to life on Alderaan. Within the Royal Palace, Bail Organa is kind to her and he seems to understand that she is so fragile from grief and despair that it would take little for her to shatter into a thousand pieces.

Instead, he seeks to distract her. She will have a new identity. And a new job. She will be the Alderaanian Minister of Education. She can put her considerable talents to use for the good of Alderaan.

The suggestion strikes her as absurd when it is first presented to her. What does she know of Alderaani education? She can barely speak the language.

But the work turns out to be a blessing in disguise. It takes her mind off her own grief. It allows her to believe that

 

This is so. Sad.
Padmé having to leave her babies...sniff.

What's going to happen when they reach Coruscant? Will palpy see Padmé? [face_shocked]

 

Oops. Double post.

 

Sweet post- sweet memories!!

Only two posts left?!?!?!? Oh, dear...!!!!!

 

The inner Padmé thinks about Coruscant. And she cannot understand why she feels dread.

Why do I have the feeling that Paps has something to do with the way she is. Hmmm mediate on this I will.

 

Yet another amazing post! Wow. This keeps getting better and better. See below.

And perhaps he feels a kinship with her; both of them have lost their identities. Both of them have hidden their inner selves within an unrecognizable outer shell.
I know you excerpted this to us a while back in one of your replies, but the line is many times more powerful now because now we have truly seen for ourselves how true this is. Your characterization of Vader and of Inner Padme is so haunting, and this line just captures all of that so perfectly.

How tremendously sad...

he really is a monster
Great, big guy. Now you feel the remorse. Little late. Jerk.

Okay, thanks for allowing me my sarcasm. As much as I love Anakin's character, and cheer for his redemption in ROTJ, I still have a simmering frustration with him for his fall (a frustration that will no doubt explode after I see EpIII...), and it's moments like these in fanfics that drive me crazy. I have to think that Vader existed by truly forgetting his true self - by acting as if Anakin Skywalker was dead. Because if canon Vader had moments like this one... well... I don't see how he could go on. I really don't.

You want to hear about it?
Just wonderful. The happy memory was so well done, and it's so easy to imagine this very wicked grin on her face.

Only two more left



[Luke] No! That's impossible! [/Luke]

Really? Now you've got me wondering whether there will be a million lose ends, or if you have some terribly devious conclusion in store......

Oh dear. This can't be almost over. It just can't.

 

What do you mean? Only two more left? Two more what?
Inner leia_naberrie: Don't give up hope, of course, there'll be a prequel

I am really enjoying the style of this story - interspersing the past and the present. The memories are so bittersweet - first sad, then happy. I read abt Leia's mother being the Minister of Education in Alderaan. Interesting use of canon.
And I can just imagine Padme fleeing Naboo only because of her children, otherwise her nature would have made her stay and fight.

?Padmé?? he says softly. He opens the door and he stops in shock when he finds Padmé standing before him wearing only her beautiful smile.

?You want to follow custom and traditions?? she says coyly. ?Well, there?s a Naboo custom for consecrating a new home. You want to hear about it??

I so see eye to eye with Lex. Little things like this make me want to thwack Ani/Vader around the head for turning!

 

Still here, still fascinated, still mystified, still speechless.

The inner Padmé thinks about Coruscant. And she cannot understand why she feels dread.

And only two more posts left? How you're going to wrap this up, I really have no idea. Can't wait to see, though.