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Beyond - Legends Dust of Empire (H/L/L/Imperial OCs). **COMPLETE** Author Replies Up 2/22!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by GrandAdmiralV, Aug 30, 2005.

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  1. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Title: Dust of Empire
    Author: GrandAdmiralV
    Characters: Han, Leia, Luke, Lando, Imperial OCs
    Timeframe: This story takes place a few months after the events of Champions of the Force, putting it roughly seven years after the Battle of Endor.
    Genre: Drama, Adventure
    Summary: When the forces of the resurgent Empire find clues to a new superweapon, a race ensues to see which side can claim it first.
    Disclaimer: I do not own the Star Wars universe, nor the canon characters of the films and novels, but all other characters and worlds depicted in this work are mine.



    Chapter One

    She recognized them the moment they walked into the bar. It wasn't too difficult; their images had cropped up frequently in the reports and communiques that passed across her desk. Still, she wondered at the capriciousness of a universe that would bring them here, of all places, in a galaxy as wide as it was.

    The taller and older of the two men retrieved several mugs from the barkeep, then settled the two of them at a table only several meters away from where she sat. Strange -- the holos didn't do justice to the cocky insouciance of the one, or the aura of subtle power that surrounded the younger man as surely as his dark cloak. But their features were as familiar to her as her own, and she could feel her fingers tighten on the slender stem of her own glass at the sight of the pair.

    Between the ever-present rumble of both human and alien voices, and the sounds of the string band that plinked out the latest Doranni equivalent of a popular song, it was quite impossible for her to hear what they were saying. Damn it -- she wasn't trained for this sort of thing and was certainly not expecting it. This had been a simple pleasure trip, a few precious stolen days away from the duties of a command that weighed more and more on her shoulders with each passing day. She had no backup, no reinforcements -- Doranne was a neutral world, although the New Republic had been lobbying hard of late to swallow up the Doranni system as it had so many others.

    Just then the older of the two men, the one with the lop-sided grin, looked up, catching her intent gaze. She could feel the color rise to her cheeks, and was thankful the lighting in here was dim enough that her blush surely couldn't be visible. Then she smiled back, ever so slightly, and waited to see what would happen.

    It didn't take very long. There was a brief exchange between the two men, ending with the younger of the two shaking his head in a resigned manner, and they rose, coming to stand by her table.

    "Would you mind a little company?" asked the older man, and she smiled again.

    "Not at all," she replied, and spread one graceful hand to indicate that they take the empty chairs facing her.

    They both sat. She noticed the younger man drank only Doranni crystal water, although the other one's wide mug obviously held some sort of beer or ale. Well, that would be typical of what she had heard of them.

    "Marne Ledishian," said the older one, extending a hand to her.

    She took it, and felt a shiver pass through her as she touched flesh to the man she had made herself hate for so long. Well, he had handed her a false name, and she had one equally as false to give back to him. "Shelinda Orr," she said.

    "Brenn Mirsholme," said the younger man, and she shook hands with him as well.

    Bringing a delicate goblet of rare Gyndine liqueur to her lips, she drank, and then asked, "So what brings you so far off the beaten path as Doranne?"

    The one who had identified himself as Marne Ledishian said, "A little spice trading. And you?"

    Only in neutral space could someone still admit to spice trading and get away with it. She wondered a little at his audacity but realized he could have no idea to whom he was really speaking. "Trade as well. I'm here on business for the Castopol silk guild."

    The younger man, the one who had called himself Brenn Mirsholme, raised an eyebrow. The wealth of Castopol silk traders was legendary, but she had thought the cover a fitti>
     
  2. PonyTricks

    PonyTricks Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2003
    This is a very interesting beginning! And any story with lots of Han, Leia, and Luke will be good one! :D
     
  3. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    Bravo!

    I'm in love with your OC Virass already, so elegant and reserved--a model imperial officer. I liked how you used the run in with Han and Luke at the beginning--makes for a very effective hook--to flesh out the aspects of her character which might not show up in a purely Imperial setting.

    The political ramifications of the Post Imperial Galaxy are truly intriguing. The Old Republic wasn't perfect, nor was the Empire nor is the New Republic.

    This was an excellent paragraph:
    Heavens knew, she hated the New Republic, hated what it had done to her, to those dear to her -- and its greatest sin was that it preached freedom and liberty, where it left only chaos and death in its wake. How many dead Imperial citizens were now blood on its hands? Yet its leaders kept bleating on about the Empire's atrocities. What could be more terrible than the fiery death that had consumed her brother and all those with him when the Executor plunged into the half-finished Death Star above Endor?

    --very personal, yet also general enough to encompass the experience of countless other Galactic citizens.

    The new WMD and Tarkin Doctrine revived are great ideas.

    Eagerly awaiting chapter 2.


    One last little thing, for some dark weird reason in my head all post ROTJ Moffs look like Ricardo Montalban (I like to think its something funky left over from the 80s and too much Friday night freaky tv in my formative years) could you do something to dispell that image for me? I don't want to Kezler to invite me to Fantasy Island.
     
  4. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    :eek:

    What, the "blond and handsome" part didn't get rid of specters of Ricardo Montalbans past? :p

    Maybe this [link=http://www.geocities.com/christinex1001/wagner_jack.jpg]photo[/link] will help. :)

    That Kezler can take me to Fantasy Island any day!
     
  5. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    Ah mucho better!
    No "blonde and handsome" didn't work before.
    I'll have to work at keeping the Ricardo Montalban image at bay.
    Like I said, I've some serious issues from the 80s.
     
  6. Souderwan

    Souderwan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Yay!! I finally read something of yours that I can post to!! :D Thoroughly enjoyed this piece and am looking forward to future installments. :D I love your writing! Very evocative.

    I just had to share two things that struck me for some reason:

    "If you say so, kid," he said at last, then grinned at himself. He wondered if he would ever stop calling Luke "kid." Probably not. They'd be watching their grandchildren playing together, and Han would still be calling Luke "kid."

    If, of course, Luke ever had any grandchildren.


    I just had to laugh! :D

    Someday I'll remember I don't have to say "please," she thought, as one of the stormtroopers palmed open the door and she stepped inside. Four more stormtroopers and two red-robed Imperial guards waited there but moved aside as she entered.

    Spent time in the military, have you? Every female officer I've talked to (which, I admit is a small percentage of total female officers) has said something like that to me! It's a great insight into the character and I love it!
     
  7. Zonoma

    Zonoma Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2005
    I am an instant loyal fan. Add me to your PM list permenantly, please! And I esp. love the Admiral.
     
  8. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    This looks very interesting.
     
  9. Briman

    Briman Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 8, 2004
    Whoa, this really caught my attention!
     
  10. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    insouciance - only the second paragraph, and you pull out the big guns. That bodes well.

    She sipped at her liqueur again, feeling the delicate aromatic fumes tickle and then massage the back of her throat.

    You definitely have a talent for colorful description.

    Sure, he was a Jedi, but that didn't mean he had to be a monk.

    Oh, but it does. In fact, I like to think of Jedi as magical-monk-ninja-commandos.

    He liked the old girl's quirks, her strange blend of unpredictability and reliability -- the Falcon's, not Leia's -- and he wouldn't have it any other way.

    I love the unnecessary interjection.

    "And what caused this spectrum shift?"

    I won't make fun your techno-babble since you didn't make fun of mine.

    The epic-ocity of this work is an interesting contrast to the more personal nature of your other fic. Very nice. And I find your use of the word "adjutant" (correctly, no less) to be very impressive. Very impressive, for a girl ;).
     
  11. Zonoma

    Zonoma Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2005
    [face_laugh] Great review, Darth Scroobious! Do you give lessons?
     
  12. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    Zonoma - Great review, Darth Scroobious[sic]! Do you give lessons?

    Yes, I do. I actually thought that review was only average.

    [Puts on teaching cap.]

    Good evening class, the first thing to remember while writing a review is to consider what you like to see when someone is reviewing your story. And I'm referring not to the specific content of the comments, but more on their general nature. I, for example, like people pointing out phrases or paragraphs that they found particularly amusing or that connected with them in some way for my own story, and I therefore carry that over to my commenting.

    Procedurally, I find it useful to have separate window opened with the reply box ready-to-go before I delve into the story. This allows me to extract exercpts when I see them, rather than having to comb through the story ex post facto.

    While reading, I look for the following things upon which to comment (Disclaimer: Limited time offer. Void where prohibited. Your mileage may vary. No warranty is expressed or implied. No money-back guarantee. Known to cause cancer in the state of California. And all that other lawerly type stuff.):

    1. Colorful and/or archaic words. Example: "insouciance - only the second paragraph, and you pull out the big guns. That bodes well."

    2. Particularly descriptive passages (ie. ones that evoke a specifc image or just sound really cool). Example: "She sipped at her liqueur again, feeling the delicate aromatic fumes tickle and then massage the back of her throat.

    You definitely have a talent for colorful description."

    3. Ironic phrases or just any other element that makes me laugh or connects with me. Examples: "He liked the old girl's quirks, her strange blend of unpredictability and reliability -- the Falcon's, not Leia's -- and he wouldn't have it any other way.

    I love the unnecessary interjection."

    4. How well the author is capturing the character (if he/she is canon) or how authentic the character feels (obviously a subjective measurement). Example: "GrandAdmiralV, you hit Han's character on the head. The only exception to that would be this: ...'as he recalled the woman's delicate but well-curved shape and tempting, full-lipped mouth.

    The phrases used here are not exactly the kind most men use to mentally describe a beautiful woman. But I forgive you because you are yourself of the female persuasion, and there are those pesky Terms of Service;)."

    5. Any general comments on plot-twists, speculation or questions on plot-direction, and generally any other plot-related item. Example: "The epic-ocity of this work is an interesting contrast to the more personal nature of your other fic. Very nice."

    Here endeth the lesson.

    PS - GrandAdmiralV, if you would prefer this advice to not reside in this thread, shoot me a PM and I will edit it appropriately.
     
  13. BobaFanGirl

    BobaFanGirl Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 10, 2005
    Thought I'd dip into this even though there probably won't be any Boba in it. However, I love your writing, so...

    Very interesting setup, and I like your main character already. You seem to have a gift for writing interesting OCs. Also, I thought you captured the Imperial point of view very nicely.

    And no matter what Darth_Scroobius says, I think you wrote from Han's point of view pretty well. Of course, I'm a girl, so what would I know about what a man thinks when he looks at a beautiful woman? (Now I want to go out and take a survey.)

    Keep up the good work -- I can't wait to see where you take this! =D=

     
  14. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Aw, no, I don't care. I think I would have gotten in a lot of trouble if I'd said Han thought she was built like a duracrete ****house. But I take your meaning.

    But otherwise I'm glad you thought I didn't do too bad...for a girl. :cool:
     
  15. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    [face_laugh] That's one of the most exact descriptions of alcohol I've read in fanfic. Probably because it's true. :p

    Oh, Han will call him "kid" no matter what. That's just how their relationship is defined. :D

    I really like your admiral - she's got quite a history, looks like!
     
  16. MsLanna

    MsLanna Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2005
    :_| only one post?!?
    How I hate to wait. Threw me off Dark Mirror YEARS agao.
    But won't happen now, will it? *hopes*
    I like the way you write a lot. I read lot's of canon and more often than not thought "ew" on page one already. Didn't happen here. =D= I'm looking forward to more posts. (And probably be looking out for other of your stuff while waiting *drummingfingers*
    Verra good work!
     
  17. MirandaFair

    MirandaFair Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 13, 2005
    Well done! Loving Virass already. Please PM when you update. :)
     
  18. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Don't worry -- I have a bunch of this written already. I just like to spread out my posts a bit so I don't overwhelm my readers; it can be difficult to keep up sometimes with all the fics one is trying to follow.

    I'll PM everyone who's requested it when I put the next chapter up -- it will probably be some time tomorrow.

    Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, everyone! :)
     
  19. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Thanks again for all the responses to Chapter 1 -- you guys are wonderful.



    Chapter Two

    Like the spaceport itself, the droid facing him had seen better days. The feeble overhead lights glinted dully off its pitted metal skin; the hand that rested on the scratched computer console was dented in a dozen places and even showing signs of rust. When it spoke, its voice was a monotone buzz. ?Destination??

    Markus Klem hesitated, fingering the flat plates of hard currency in his belt pouch. There was little enough of it, but that was better than nothing. He knew he didn?t dare use the credit voucher he carried with him -- that would only leave a plastic trail the Imperials could sniff out halfway across the galaxy.

    Back at the science station on Xy?rie IV, some of his fellow researchers had wondered at his little hoard, but then had passed it off as just another of his eccentricities. And, indeed, sometimes he wondered why he kept the money, save that the shining bits of metal were tangible reminders of the places he had been?the delicately etched octagons of Lanarsk Prime, his homeworld; the heavy blunt rectangular pieces from Trel?las, where he?d done his post-graduate research; even the shining gold-crested New Republic marks he?d won off Linden Arelle in one of their endless sabacc games played to take the edge off too many hours of research. Thinking of her led his thoughts back to the abandoned station, and his mouth thinned into an uncharacteristically grim line.

    He wondered where Linden was now. Halfway across the galaxy, if she were lucky?lost somewhere among the trillions of beings who lived and fought and died out there. She said she was going to head to New Republic space, to warn the government there of the disastrous results of the research on Xy?rie IV, and what those results might mean. She had only what was in her own mind and in her own notes to give them?the station had been abandoned so precipitously there had not been time to make duplicate copies of the information he now carried.

    Looking down, he caught sight of the duffel that lay at his feet. It was a piece of luggage as unobtrusive as they came, lumpy and light tan in color. He thought then of the data it carried, and wondered how something that hid the potential for such destruction could look so innocuous.

    ?Destination?? the droid repeated, its voice too flat to carry any sort of impatience, but then Markus became aware of the people who waited behind him.

    Once again, he touched the currency in his pocket, then looked around. The line of beings behind him displayed nothing more than boredom and, perhaps, mild irritation at this man who lingered so long with the ticket droid. The spaceport here on Thanos was far from Imperial space, far from the conflict that still raged on, but the Empire had its agents everywhere?or so popular belief went.

    Markus laid several of the Lanarsk Prime coins on the counter?coins from a world still solidly in Imperial space?and said, ?Anywhere. Anywhere but here.?

    The droid did not comment, but eyed the currency, calculating what destinations could be bought with the amount. A thin piece of plastic was extruded from a slot in the counter as it gathered up the coins, and Markus took the ticket and stepped aside.

    ?Next,? the droid said, as Markus hurried away, the ticket clutched tightly in his free hand.

    He threw a glance over his shoulder as he headed for the boarding platform the ticket indicated, but none of those in line so much as looked in his direction, and he could feel himself relax slightly. So far so good, he thought, and moved on with a lightened step. After all, he told himself, how could he have been followed? And who would think to look for him here, in this third-rate spaceport on a second-rate world? With a little luck, he, too, could lose himself out in the galaxy, move into New Republic space, forge a new life for himself. Perhaps he should get out of research entirely, and take up a teaching position.

    [i]But you can never go home[/i], he thought then, and >
     
  20. Darth_Scroobius

    Darth_Scroobius Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    Hmmm, since I was giving lessons on how to give good comments on this thread, I suppose that means I should set a good example. No pressure. Maybe I should have thought about that before proffering the aforementioned advice. Oops.

    He knew he didn?t dare use the credit voucher he carried with him -- that would only leave a plastic trail the Imperials could sniff out halfway across the galaxy.

    Random thought: If their technology is advanced enough to fly faster than the speed-of-light then why do they still have cash? Potential answer: Due to the criminal element (or at least those who wish to keep secrets) there was always a demand for cash currency, and hence no reason to discontinue its use. Problem with this answer: The government would have every incentive to force people into a cashless world. It would make criminality problemmatic. Answer to problem: One word. Corruption. End random thought mode.

    So consumed was he by these melancholy remembrances, as he moved through the ill-lit corridor that led to his designated docking platform, that he did not notice the plainly-dressed man who moved silently out behind him, mixing in with the gaggle of assorted beings who mingled throughout the spaceport.

    Very amateurish. He clearly should have watched more spy holo-dramas.

    Then again, neither the Death Star nor the Sun Crusher had seemed logical to her.

    Grrr. Not a fan of the Sun Crusher. There is no good technobabble explanation for such an over-the-top weapon. It seemed like they just had to make up something scarier than the Death Star.

    Restoring the Empire was the right and true course, the only way to bring order back to a galaxy torn apart by this useless conflict for far too long.

    Darn tootin'.

    We quarreled - Another British-sounding expression.

    But if he is not amenable to that, I suppose he will have to be liquidated.

    Since this is the Empire, that may not be a euphemism. It could be literal.

    Good luck... You?re going to need it. - Nice reference.

    Lando: always ready to help a damsel in distress. Not that he has any ulterior motives...

    I do find it surprising that the Imps find it imperative to send Viraess on a spy mission. That's a big risk for their Grand Admiral to take, especially when they are less than sanguine about her chances. Why not just send in somed specops to kidnap Klem and use some tried-and-true information extraction techniques?
     
  21. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    After reading that chapter I don't know what do with myself. I'm inclined to throw myself on the floor and scream, "I'm not worthy", but I'll try to be a little more dignified.

    Holy moo cow batman--it's the Empire (or at least Imperial Leftovers)!!!
    We have Moffs (which are still all Fantasy Island in my head), big ships, weapons of mass destruction, chaos, scientists, emotionless intelligence officers, snazzy uniforms, pirates, decay and LANDO! **sigh**

    I'm just going to gush in place of being insightful...

    The depth of your OCs floors me--proof positive we don't need no stinkin canon characters (except Lando).

    Naren is great.

    Viraess...
    She's incredible. She's the type of female character we need more of. She's like Miele, but tougher and more worldly.

    ?He said the Empire was an instrument of oppression, and that I was too good to waste myself on it.?

    Markus, sigh. So very misguided. Might have to be liquidated, maybe they can put his brain in a jar like those monks in Jabba's casa.

    ...enterprising group of freebooters with a stolen Interdictor cruiser.
    The wonderful details that just make you all gooey inside.

    Alderaanian uisgee
    I like Lindan and respect her discriminating choice of quality liquor. Kind of makes me want to go and curl up with the bottle of Absinthe in the kitchen.

    And to quote Scroob, quoting you...
    Restoring the Empire was the right and true course, the only way to bring order back to a galaxy torn apart by this useless conflict for far too long.

    Darn tootin'.

    Hell yeah!

    Amazing chapter. I was a completely captivated.
    Wow.

    multiple edits after hitting the enter-key accidentially.
     
  22. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    Why is Markus on the lam? What's his part in the radiation business? How will Viraess fare as something of a Mata Hari? [face_thinking] Can't wait to see how everything gets unraveled! :D

    Harsh words had passed between them that last time they?d met before they parted, words as harsh as the last kiss she?d given him had been sweet.

    [face_love] :(
     
  23. MsLanna

    MsLanna Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2005
    Things get going.
    I want more.
    I want to see plot evolving ang doing a great big bang.
    I love you OCs, especially Viraess. Though I should probably take the time to read her name correctly in the future.
     
  24. GrandAdmiralV

    GrandAdmiralV Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 30, 2005
    Because Kezler is a twisty guy and there's more going on here than meets the eye [wow, I made a rhyme]. Think that "plans within plans" line from Dune. All will be revealed in time...well, some of it, anyway. ;)

    Markus is on the run because the Empire believes he's the only person who still has the data for the Corona Project, and they want the information so they can kick the New Republic's collective behind.

    Nothing wrong with gushing! :)

    I'm so glad everyone likes Viraess. She's really my favorite OC...I've been working on her for a long time.

    Markus in a jar...I'm never going to be able get that image out of my head now!

    But what I really want to know is where you found absinthe! I thought it was illegal in the U.S.! [face_thinking]
     
  25. BobaFanGirl

    BobaFanGirl Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 10, 2005
    This seems to get more and more complicated! Your Impies are right on target -- Moff Naren seems like a major bad*ss!

    As capable as she is, I get the feeling that Viraess might be getting in over her head. Like Darth_Scroobius, I'm wondering why Kezler feels the need to send her after Markus, although I guess he supposes that since they once knew each other really well she might have a better idea of where he's run away to. But you say Kezler has other motives, so I guess we'll just have to see what happens!

    This is great -- every time I read one of your fics I feel like I'm reading the next pro-written EU story! =D=
     
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