Episode 3: Balcony scene rewrite

The dialogue during the rots balcony scene between anakin and padme is quite simply awful. I rewrote the scene to take advantage of foreshadowing.

Anakin: You are so Beautiful

Padme: That's only because I'm so in love

Anakin smiles. Padme smiles back, pauses, and looks away from Anakin momentarily

Padme: Have you thought of a name?

Anakin: No...

he gives her a wry smile

Anakin: ...you have

Padme: I've always liked, Leia

Anakin: Leia...

Anakin ponders a moment and playfully mocks her

Anakin: ...and if it's a boy?

Padme glances down holding her belly

Padme: Luke

Anakin strides over to padme staring at her mid-section. He reaches out with his hand and touches her belly.

Anakin: Luke Skywalker...my son.

Padme gently places her finger underneath Anakin's chin and raises his head so he is now staring at her.

Padme: Our son.

-dissolve to the nightmare sequence-

 

Nice bit of foreshadowing. A natural conversation between prospective parents, also. You would expect them to think up names.

 

That's an improvement. Although that's not saying much.

I'd follow it up with deleting the nightmare sequence.