ESB Humorous Version (spoilers)

I just discovered these threads today..Three words..

1. Funny
2. As
3. Hell.

Keep it up.

 

More?

 

Dredged from the bottom of Lake Erie, SWILL: It's everything you want in a mineral water... And more.

 

More?

 

hmmmmm 1st page......
UP!!!!

DarthDVD!!!

 

I Also just dicovered this thread today. I was laughing so hard my family thought I was having a seizure. Keep on posting!

 

"You will all die by El Nino. For those of you who don't understand Espanol, El Nino means... 'The Nino'."

 

EXT. HOT- ICE PLAIN- SNOW TRENCHES

THE REBEL SCUM TROOPS AIM THEIR WEAPONS AT THE HORIZON AS EXPLOSIONS ERUPT ALL AROUND THEM. BEHIND THE TROOPS, A DOZEN SNOW SPEEDERS RACE THROUGH THE SKY...( YES, FOLKS..THE SUICIDE MISSION IS FULLY ON TH WAY )

A LONE WARRIOR RUNS OUT INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE SNOWY PLAINS WITH A SWORD IN HAND SCREAMING OUT SOMETHING....

TRENCH OFFICER ( looking through his electrobinoculars ) : What the Hell ?! Lt. take a look at this..what do you make of it ?

LIEUTENANT ( looking through his binoculars ): Looks like some long hair idiot, trying to get himself killed..

OUT IN THE SNOWY FIELD, THE LONE WARRIORS CONTINUES TO SCREAM

WILLIAM WALLACE ( Mel Gibson ): FREEDOMMMMMMMM !!!!!!!!!!

SUDDENLY, A LASER BLAST EXPLODES AND COMPLETELY BLOWS WILLIAM WALLACE TO PIECES. ANOTHER MAN COMES OUT INTO THE FIELD WITH VACUUM CLEANER, PICKING UP HIS BRAINS AND OTHER ASSORTED MATTER

DANNY GLOVER : I'm getting too old for this ***t !!

MEANWHILE ... THE BATTLE OF HOT GET ON THE WAY


INT. MARCUS' SNOWSPEEDER, ROGUE LEADER- COCKPIT


MARCUS ( yelling into the comlink ): Echo station five- seven. We're on our way to fight four giant battle machines capable of totally blowing us to hell without a second thought...don't wait up.


EXT. HOT- ICE PLAIN- BATTLEFIELD

THE FLEET OF SNOWSPEEDERS RACES ABOVE THE ICE FILED AT FULL THROTTLE. THEY ACCELERATE AT ATTACK SPEED

INT. MARCUS' SNOWSPEEDER, ROGUE LEADER - COCKPIT

MARCUS ( into the comlink ): All right boys, keep tight now...Do not act like you are an ace pilot like myself. I have the Force on my side, you're just average regular joes chosen to die for your alliance gloriously...are you with me ?!

ALL PILOTS : HELL, YEAH !!!!!!!

DECK : Luke...I mean, Marcus, I have no approach vector. I'm not set

YOGI BEAR : Hey, hey hey eeee, Will there a be another picanic basket for us when we get back to base, oh fearless commander, Marcus ranger, sir ?

MARCUS : For the last time, Yogi, there are no more picnic baskets at the base ! We may not even have a base to come home to, G*dammit ! Attack pattern delta. Go now !


EXT. HOT- ICE PLAIN- BATTLEFIELD

THE CANNONS MOUNTED ON THE WALKER HEAD FIRE AT THE SPEEDERS. OTHER WALKERS LOOM IN THE BACKGROUND

INT. MARCUS' SNOWSPEEDER, ROGUE LEADER- COCKPIT


MARCUS : All right you sons of Biznitches..I'm coming in.

HE TURNS HIS SPEEDER AND HEADS DIRECTLY AT ONE OF THE WALKERS. FLYING TOWARDS ITS TOWERING LEGS.

MARCUS : Hobbes, you still with me ?...hey , Hobbes ?


JAN MICHAEL VINCENT : Don't worry, Marcus..I'm with you ! I'll let these bas***ds have a taste of ?Air Wolf's' superior fire power...

MARCUS : Uhhhhh, I don't think you're in the right film, sir. This is a science Fiction/ fantasy film, and unless George Lucas' crack use has gone over the top, then you don't have a place in this battle.

ERNEST BORGNINE ( Sounding really pissed off ): Now you listen here you little snot nosed punk ! Your place in this battle is to fly your plane and shut the ***k up ! Let the professionals handle this mission. We've been on T.V. longer than you can form complete sentences.

MARCUS : You make me sick, you old @ss tired fart. You career is all washed up anyway ! What do you do ? The only thing you do well is being a helpless prisoner in those corny @ss ?Delta Force' movies. I'm a major star on the rise, so don't even think you holding weight over here, sucka, tryin to give me orders, I'm the commander...

YOGI BEAR : Hey, hey, hey eeee, Uhhhhh commander Marcus ranger sir. I think that Mr. Borgnine is doin the very best that he can.....

MARCUS ( Highly pissed off ): Oh, Yogi why don't you shut the ***k up !!!!


EXT. HOT- ICE PLAIN- BATTLEFIELD


TWO SPEEDERS RACE DIRECTLY AT THE HEAD OF A WALKER, THEN SPLIT AND FLY PAST IT. THREE OTHER WALKERS MARCH ONWARDS, FIRING ALL CANNONS


WILD BILL HICCUP ( speaking in a heavy hillbilly accent ) : Yeeeehaaaaawwwww !!!!!! These sons of biznitches cant handle a real pilot taking command of the situation. Give me your best shot you lousy cattle rustlers !!!

WYATT EARP : Hey, Wild Bill..

 

Not funny? Was that another joke?

 

Love the Yogi parts!

Not to get off topic, but is someone eventually gonna compile this thread and the ANH one?

 

hmmm that last bit
"P.S.- I'm sorry if this is not one my funnier post, but I do love the wild premise of this battle of hot. the total chaos of it all. I'mjust going crazy with the other story I'm involved in 'The Sith Order': Aspects of the Force. thanks to all who have been patient with me and PURP on this thread. It pleases me that you like the works we put together, I thank you from the bottom of my heart !"

so funny....

DarthDVD!!!

 

FREEDOMMMMM!!!

 

He He he.. Yogi...

"My name is Gladiator..." LOVED that movie!

Hey, an another note, did you know Obi-Wan means "Girdle Bay" in Japanese?! I looked it up!

 

Quote:"For those of you who don't understand espanol, el nino means...'the nino'" LOL at
Thrawn! I almost died when I read that. MAybe I just have a wierd sense of humor. I especially look forward to your posts, purp.
Post More!
WHACK!

 

To the trees! To the trees!

(By the way, that "El Nino" thing was from Chris Farley on Saturday Night Live.)

 

EXT. HOT - ICE PLAIN BATTLEFIELD

MARCUS: Rogue Four.

ROGUE FOUR: Copy, Rogue Leader.

MARCUS: I lost my gunner. You'll have to take this shot. I'll cover for you.

ROGUE FOUR: Wait a minute, you mean I'm your wingman?

MARCUS: Yeah.

A laser blast from an AT-AT incinerates Rogue Four.

MARCUS: Dang. Rogue Five?

ROGUE FIVE: Oh, crap-

Rogue Five is hit with a direct volley of laserfire and explodes.

MARCUS: DAMMIT! Why does this always happen to me?!

WEDGE: Maybe it would help if you didn't have your stereo blasting Another One Bites the Dust everytime you flew.

MARCUS: Well what would you suggest?

WEDGE: Something that will strike fear into the hearts of your enemies.

MARCUS: The Jawa Sandcrawler Quartet Sings the Best of the Backstreet Bantha Boyz?

WEDGE: Worse.

MARCUS: A Wookiee and a Hutt singing a duet version of Jingle Bell Rock?

WEDGE: Worse.

MARCUS: The latest Cher album?

WEDGE: (sighing) No. Here, this is what I'm talking about.

He pops a cassette into his speeder's stereo and cranks the volume. The Titanic theme song starts playing.

CELINE DION: My heart will go on...

WEDGE: What the hell?!?

JETSON: Oh, I forgot to tell you. I kinda taped over that.

WEDGE: It's supposed to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies, not nausea!

Whack

WEDGE: Ow!

MARCUS: Could we just forget about the music and shoot someone?

JETSON: Fine.

He fires the tow cable. It hits the AT-AT, bounces off, and nails another snow speeder, destroying it.

JETSON: Oops. Let's try that again.

He fires another tow cable. This one misses the AT-AT entirely and goes flying into the trenches, where it impales an entire contingent of Rebel troops.

WEDGE: One more pass.

JETSON: What?! Are you crazy? Screw you, I'm not shooting anyone else.

WEDGE: No, we're not shooting this time. Look behind you.

Jetson looks behind the snow speeder. Dragging behind them are the charred remains of the snowspeeders and a dozen rebel corpses, still attached to the cable.

JETSON: You're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting, are you?

WEDGE: You got a better plan?

JETSON: Good point. Cable out... let her go!

WEDGE: Detach cable!

JANSON: Cable detached!

INT. IMPERIOUS AT-AT - COCKPIT

The walker shakes with a tremendous thud. The driver looks out the window, only to find it covered with bodies.

STOMPTROOPER: Sir, they're firing Rebels at us!

DRIVER: Very clever of them. We have no choice but to respond in kind. Fire!

The stomptrooper grabs his arm and starts dragging him out of the cockpit.

DRIVER: No, not me, you idiot! The lasers!

[This message has been edited by Purp (edited 06-06-2000).]

 

ROTFL!

 

And the great one (Purp) returns! LOL!

 

ROTFLMAO! I especially liked the Stormtrooper/ Driver conversation at the end.
Woohoo! Purp is back!

 

Up, two, three, four!

 

ROFLOL!! <draging self back to keyboard> You guys should start calling this "The Whampers Strike Back" or something like that.

 

LOL! "Backstreet Bantha Boyz" Hehe. I loved that scene. Write more!

 

Sci-Fi, the proper term is whack, no caps, no punctuation, and it is usually italiscised.

This thread must not die...

 

he he... keep on posting!

 

Come on, we need more!