~Existence~ a Destiny?s Way Tahiri angst vignette

~Existence~ a Destiny?s Way Tahiri angst vignette

Okay, the song Existence belongs to Kevin Max, one-third of dc Talk. His solo CD Stereotype Be is amazing, if nothing like dc Talk?s usual style.

This doesn?t really have a plot, it?s just what Tahiri is feeling during Destiny?s Way. Lost of angst, and I hope I make you cry!

Also, the ?You? in the last two lines is referring to God, but I figure I can tweak it a little?

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You come into the threshold of another starless night of fear?

She sat up abruptly, panting, broken out in a cold sweat all over. Scared out of sleep, like so many times these last couple of months. The nightmares?they just kept coming back?

It had been the worst when she was on Coruscant with Luke and Mara. Then she had to hide them not only from two Jedi Masters, but five Wraiths who were trained to notice everything and one Force-sensitive scientist.

She hadn?t wanted them to know. Everyone thought she should have moved on by now. But that was impossible.

She rose and moved to the window. All she could see outside was water, dark-blue water stretching out in all directions. Not even familiar stars to comfort her.

You're running from the demons that would drag you down again?

She?d been having the dreams for months. Ever since Myrkr. She had thought that eventually they would go away. But that didn?t seem to be the case.

She felt like demons were chasing her, keeping her from letting go and moving on.

Not that she wanted to move on. She just wanted one thing:

Anakin.

Illusions of the world are spinning out of time and frame and synchronicity?

The world was whirling around her, phantasmagorically, entirely too fast. Nothing made sense anymore, like everything was out of context.

The galaxy simply did not make sense without Anakin.

He had been what gave her life meaning, and now he was gone.

And he wasn?t going back.

You're so sad, you're such sad-eyed girl; you're so sad, in your sub-plot?

More than one person had commented on the fact that she didn?t talk anymore. That her eyes seemed to be swallowing up her face, clearly displaying her broken heartedness. Dark circles had formed under them, and never went away.

She?d tried to escape the dreams by not sleeping, but that only made them worse when her too-tired body fell asleep.

What is this, what is this, this mess of my existence is?

What she was doing couldn?t be called living. Living involved love, feeling, emotion. And she certainly wasn?t feeling anything anymore.

She felt so cold, paralyzed. Her heart had evolved into a rock beating inside her chest. Nothing could touch her anymore, make her feel, except for the dreams.

And they only made her feeling pain and terror.

All these politics of life and death and relevance?

She?d considered just ending it all. It wouldn?t have been hard, and then she would be able to be with Anakin again. Oh, how much she wanted that!

But some small part of her wouldn?t let her do it. Perhaps because she knew that
Anakin wouldn?t have ever wanted her to do that. That she wouldn?t have forgiven him if he had been in this situation instead of her.

But did it really matter? Her life didn?t matter anymore. She wasn?t doing anything to stop the evil that had killed Anakin. Her life wasn?t relevant.

It's my existence?

There was nothing she could do right now anyways. Tears streaming down her face and a knot the size of her fist in the pit of her stomach, she curled up on top of her covers, staring out the windows at the endless water until sleep overcame her.

Another morning it comes running up your bedpost with the wind?

When she awoke, the pain hadn?t diminished any. Somehow, no matter what she did, she couldn?t escape it. It seemed to be there waiting for her at the foot of her bed, to snatch her away from any relief she might have found in sleep the moment

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaawwww!!! That was sad! But very good. I liked it. Kinda reminded me of "Anchor", the K/J vignette I wrote, Jaina's thoughts to Kyp. But mine was just a what-if. Yours is totally applicable.

Dana

 

that was really sad but at the same time hopeful. Really great!

Jez

 

That was sad, but very good! I liked it!

 

Dana- Thanks! I hadn't thought of comparing it to Anchor, but I loved that one so much that I'm flattered!

Jez- Thanks!

Runaway_Shadow- Thank you!

 

You met your goal of making me cry. Tahiri was so full of anguish, it just broke my heart. Wonderful job bringing the emotions across. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

EDIT: Wrong smilie face... Oopsie!!

 

Leah-Beth- Thank you so much! I'm glad I was successful...

 

upping...

 

*sniffle* sweet but sad...lovely, my dear.

-JSD

 

Beautiful, JJD, absoloutely beautiful. Very realistic. And it fit so well into the book! *smile* a lovely piece!

 

I concur, that was beautiful. And also a very nice use of words. I'm going to have to go look up phantasmagorically.

 

Another good one, JJD!! It was so sad, but I loved the way you wrote Tahiri.

Great job!

 

JSD- Thanks!

Jade_Max- Thank you!

wookie- Thank you! You know how much I like big words...and you should probably look it up under "phantasmagorical". It's Laurel's favorite word...

Lonewolf- Thank you!

 

She knew that Anakin would have wanted her to find love. But she didn¡¯t want anybody else¡¯s love but his! He had been her heart.

She wanted him back. And she could never have him again.

i remember reading another tahiri vignette earlier in the week, and that was really good but this one, was awesome

 

Thanks, AERYN_SUN!

 

Excellent viggie, JJD. Very sad and realistic. I liked how she decided to move forward at the end, very inspirational.

 

J_J_D

Inspiring

This vignette was very poignant and sad. But it ended with hope.



If you are interested the theoretical possibility of Ikrit's prophecy regarding Anakin begin "reborn" I have included the link.

Warning: Traitor and Destiny's Way spoilers



here


~Lelila~

 

LadyMairead- Thank you! I'm glad it was inspiring.

Lelila- Thanks so much, both for the link and the comments! I'll check it out.

 

Very good angst, melikes. I'm going to recommend it to a friend or two who I think might like it.