Fan Film Script

Hello out there. I would like to express my deepest apoliges to anyone who say my response to andalite's topic of sw music. In other new I am writing a script for the fan flim Beginning of Darkness. Andalite is also in the flim. If any of you could offer any suggestions for the script or names for the flim they would be very appreceated. Thanks.

 

have you shown us your script or not?

 

go to my thread and people have posted names

 

Where is your thread?

 

This is the part that I need help with.


G7: Gold 10 you have 3 fighters coming up on your
tail. Turn to point 7-2. I?ll cover for you.
G10: Copy that Gold 7.

(Gold 7 destroys 2 Howlrunners and the third flies
off)

G7: Got ?em.
Hope: Some of those bombers and their interceptor
escorts have broken thru our screens. Recommend that
you pull back a little and give us some cover.
Blue Leader: Copy that. Black squad press forward.
Blue squad, follow me. We?re going back to support the
Hope. Blacks, be careful without us.
BBL: Roger that. Good hunting.

(Black 2 destroys Terror 4)

G6: I?ve got two fighters on me. I can?t shake ?em!
G8: Pull back to Holding Sector MG-3.
G6: I?ve lost my engines and shields; I don?t think I
can make it.
G8: Use your maneuvering thrusters. Turn to mark point
O2.
G6: They?ve locked on! Ahhhhhh-

(G6 is destroyed)

G8: NOOOOO!
GL: Keep going.
G10: Hope and Homeworld, there is a hole opening up in
the enemy formation. Prepare to breach the enemy
front!
Hope: Copy that.

(Just as this is said, Darth Torvis destroys a Republic
fighter and takes off for the surface of the
Galdimari)

(The Republic get closer to the Sith fleet and destroy
most everything and what is left jumps to hyperspace
at a random direction)

GL: Nice shootin? boys. Report in Gold Squadron.
G2: Gold 2 check.
G4: Gold 4 reporting, Gold 3 was just blasted by a
strange ship that was headed for the surface.
G5: Gold 5 here.
G7: Gold 7 reporting.
G8: No one can shoot ol?8 down.
G10: Gold 9 was a great pilot. This is Gold 10. Out?
GL: Lets go home. Rendezvous with the Thunderbolt at
Coordinates H-52.95.
G8: Copy that. All ships prepare to jump to sector
H-52.

(The remaining Republic ships jump to hyperspace)

(Camera shows Sui-Son stand from a rock meditating and
looks toward the sky)

Sui-Son: I sense a disturbance in the force?something
I have not felt since? quickly?we must flee to the
hills.

---They run up the hill and they reach the top and are
unfortunately cut off from going over the other side
by Torvis?s ship landing---

Sui-Son: Hurry! Take Cover!

---Sui-Son and Smocklay take cover behind rocks on
opposing sides---

(The ships door hatch opens up with landing thrusters
steaming)

---Fade from left to rite---

(Gilgath is reporting to Needa that the Republic fleet
has left but they were to late to catch Warp-Nod)

Gilgath: The Republic fleet has left Toprawa.
Needa: Excellent. They have underestimated the power
of the dark-side. Prepare Palpatine?s shuttle. He will
be leaving for Coruscant in 24 hours.
Gilgath: Yes sir.

 

Rewrite everything that sounds like it was taken directly from the original movies.

That whole, "they've locked onto me, Ahhh!" "Noooo!" part was...well, cheesy.

Every wonder why Mr. Burns from The Simpson's says "Excellent" all the time? They're making fun of cliched bad guys.

The action that was described sounded good. You might want to read up on fighter pilot terminology to get some ideas.

 

<<That whole, "they've locked onto me, Ahhh!" "Noooo!" part was...well, cheesy. >>

Agreed, this is something that could be better shown in the action.

A loud beep, the pilot looks down to see a lock warning flash. He spins around to look over his should just as a missile is loosened from his attacker. Then he has that look of absolute dread that just makes you want to hurl. The other pilot screams out his name (not as cheesy as noo, and more personal to show friendship) as the missile impacts the ship and the explosion drowns out his cry.

Using the name of the pilot is more personal, and not as cheesy I think. Having the name call during the action (as the missile is trailing into impact) draws our total attention away from the name being screamed. The two events then work together to create the scene, rather than one happening then the other.

Just my opinion mind you.

Scott Zier
(Reciprocity is now up on TFN!)

 

That is a very good idea. Do you have a good name for it?

 

Whoa whoa whoa, slow down buddy.

I never gave you permission to use my character name in this. Please change it.

Yes, this is Scott. My character name is not to be broadcast across the internet unless I am behind it.

Just so ya'll know, "Gilgath" is copyright by me.

Not that I think any of you would go and rip it off, but you never know, eh?

Besides, Gilgath was never a Star Wars character to begin with.

Thank you.
-gillerz

 

Now, I don't mean to be an ass, but the name Gilgath has been used in stories and things since the early middle ages, in such stories as King Arthur -- its a very Gealic name, for which I know.
Now, unless you have been around since the 1100s, I don't think that you came up with the name.

 

Hey, Scott, I got permission to use your name when I started to write the script. If you want a different name don't post it. Just tell me. I do see you like every day. Thanks.

 

Sigler: are you sure about that? I've seen names very much like it, but never straight "Gilgath."

Argolisen: I gave you permission to use it for a script that would never leave our circle of friends.
Not on the internet.

In any case, I've had and used this name for up to 4 years. I hope you have the maturity to recognize that and respect that it is MY character.

Thanks.

 

Hmmm
actually gilgath is:

GILGATH is a bronze dragon, hatched from the first clutch of dragon eggs. His rider is Peter Semling. First appearance: 'Dragonsdawn'.

And google has 4 pages of gilgath:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF8&oe=UTF8&q=Gilgath&btnG=Google+Search

But hey... just mt .02 cents (.03 canadian)

 

Yeah man, people aren't going to steal your name...thats kinda insulting...

 

Alright. Now that that has been cleared away, if you guys want to argue about weather or not "Gilgath" is an original name, you should go into a chat room or some forum. For now on, I will not put the name "Gilgath" in any posts until Gilgath will give me permission to. Thanks for the imput, though.

 

And in those 4 pages, there are 25 matches, 9 of which are about me.

gah, i forgot about mccaffery's dragon. *shrug* mine's cooler. =P

Moving on. Argolisen: apart from that; it's good.
Sui-son kinda sounds like an asian food though. ;;

and a few parts are, yes, cheesy.
'we must flee to the hills' is the one that bugs me the most. try "we must not be found - quickly, this way" instead.

 

How about "Ke"? And also, I have changed "Gilgath" in the script to "Scott". And thank you for the ideas.

 

This is the next part of the script.

---The G?Toth comes out of hyperspace next to the
Thunderbird. A shuttle leaves the G?Toth?s hanger bay
and lands in the Thunderbird?s docking bay. An armed
guard is waiting for them---

Guard: The Jedi Master Kay Mardorn is ready to see
you.

---They proceed to the conference room. Kay is waiting
for them---

Kay: Greetings, all. I welcome you to the Republic
Warship Thunderbolt. You are a large group? and what
is this? I do believe that this young lady has force
potential.
Nighthawk: What are you are talking about?
Kay: You mean that you didn?t know? I am disappointed
in you. Even though it has been many years since you
were a Jedi, you still should have been able to sense
the force potential in her. She has great power, this
one.
Nighthawk: Well, I sure am surprised.
Kay: How did you meet her?
Nighthawk: She is the sister to my new chief pilot who I
just recently hired on. He was at the fight against
the Sith fleet not to long ago. She tagged along
because she had some experience with the natives of
this planet and is quite good with maps.
Kay: I see. I would like to see her in Room 14 later.
Cindy: You know, I do have a voice here. You can ask
me some of these questions.
Kay: She is quite a hothead, eh?
Nighthawk: You have no idea.

---Fade to black---

---Fade in to Smocklay?s firing---

(Torvis is Deflecting fire shots from Smocklay and after 5
shots a shot goes back and hits Smocklay in the arm and
falls over)

Smocklay: Ahhh!
Ke-Son: Are you all right?
Smocklay: I?ll make it.

--- Torvis jumps over to Sui-Son and holds his lightsaber
over his head---

Torvis: I will enjoy watching you die, Jedi scum. I can
feel your fear and anger.
Ke-Son: You are mistaken, Darth Torvis. It is not I who
will die today. It is you and your master, Warp Nod.
Torvis: My master will be here shortly, and then you will
be destroyed.
Ke-Son: We will see.

(Warp-Nod falls from hyperspace and is amazed to see
that the republic fleet has left the Toprawa system.)

(Almost at the same time [Scott] and Needa fall in as
well and enter the Sithspawn?s docking bay)

Warp-Nod (to himself): The republic?s fleet has
vanished. This makes it all too easy.

(Warp-Nod heads for the surface)

---The Republic Fleet drops in on the Sithspawn and
the 2 groups engage each other---

---Aboard the Sithspawn, [Scott] and Needa get to the
bridge. They look over Warp Nod?s shoulder and see
that the Republic fleet is attacking---

---The Sithspawn manages to destroy 2 Republic ships
but a third one opens fires and this time it breaks
thru the shield, taking out a chunk of the Sithspawn
---

---With a disappointed look Warp-Nod sighs. Then the
Sithspawn jumps into hyperspace---

Warp Nod: Setting a course for the Galdimari system.
The plans have now changed!

---On Galdimari, just as Torvis strikes, Ke-Son
activates his lightsaber and blocks it. Then he rolls
to engage the Sith Lord. Just then 3 people run up---

Nighthawk: Are you all right?
Smocklay: You know, I wish people would stop saying
that. I?m fine, go help Sui-Son. He went that way a
short time ago. (Points to the left *from the camera
view*)
Nighthawk: Get Smocklay back to the G?Toth. (Runs in the
direction of Ke-Son)

---Camera showing Sithspawn departing for the
surface---

---Scene changes to Sui-Son and Torvis fighting---

Ke-Son: You cannot defeat me.
Torvis: You underestimate the power of the Sith.

(Then Nighthawk shows up at the scene)

Nighthawk: Hello. Am I interrupting something?

(Torvis looks over in a PISSED off look)

Torvis: What are you doing here!
Nighthawk: Surprised to see me? It has been a long time.
Torvis: I have gained much knowledge in the force. This
time I will Triumph!
Rupert: Not without your Master.
Torvis: How dare you insult me?
Nighthawk: Regardless of what you may think, you are not
strong in the ways of the force.
Torvis: We shall see!!

---They have a brief fight but when Dal?s lightsaber
is knocked away Wa

 

Hello Argolisen. I think that you need more scens for Cindy. And that isn't all of your script, is it? 'Cause it looks kinda short.

 

Hello Dalen. Odd name. But to answer your question, no, that is only the first of two parts of the script. I'll post the other part as soon as the discussion for the first part is over. Do you have any suggestions for me?

 

I'd change the name "Warp-Nod."

And there is an awful lot of talking going on during the fight. Not as bad as in Marvel comics where a character can give a four paragraph speech explaining their powers to try to let new readers know what's going on all while kicking someone in the face. Not too realistic.

Besides, Darth Maul didn't have much to say, nor did that Dooku guy when he started to fight. If you make the movie you'll probably cut most of it out or move it to a non-fight scene. Breathing is really important in combat.

 

Breathing is important for life too...just thought I'd let you know.

Darth Virru

 

What would you change "Warp-Nod" to? As for the talking during the fighting, ya in the movies they don't do it much because they have a time limit. In books they talk more during lightsaber fights when the combatants know each other. We have the talking in to add to the length of the movie. And to give us a basis for the scene. But thats for the wake-up call. I will try to limit the amount of talking in my script.

 

How about changing Warp Nod to Darth Tiberius? Would that work better?

 

"We have the talking in to add to the length of the movie. And to give us a basis for the scene. But thats for the wake-up call. I will try to limit the amount of talking in my script."

No, just limit it in the fights.

Remember that people are paying to see your movie with their time. Don't add length of film and download just because you think it should be longer.

M. Scott