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Saga Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - Complete)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by The_Face, Feb 13, 2008.

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  1. The_Face

    The_Face Ex-Manager star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Title: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects
    Author: The_Face
    Timeframe: 1 year pre-ANH
    Characters: OCs - primarily Jav Yonx and Remy Diabet
    Genre: Mystery, action, humor, drama
    Keywords: Cops, criminals, CorSec, murder
    Summary: D.I. Jav Yonx follows a cop-killer to Corellia, where he meets his opposite in CorSec detective Remy Diabet. Both soon find themselves deep in the Corellian underworld as they search for answers.
    Notes: This is the prequel to my Galaxy Noir series of fics (links in my bio). And it has its own prologue-of-sorts in [link=http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=27510661&brd=10476&replies=0]I, Fugitive.[/link] It's not essential reading, but it adds some extra context.


    Prologue Part One: Cops

    Now
    Bortelles, Corellia

    I?m
    not a hero. I never wanted to be. Never wanted this. Like I?ve told CorSec, heroes die. Even if the person lives on, the hero will die? a victim of their own ? forgive the word ? humanity.

    I?m a detective. The name?s Jav Yonx, investigator for hire, and I?m dying anyway.


    Jav saw the shots hit him, but was strangely numb as he collapsed into a pool of his own blood. His nerves were overwhelmed with the incredible amount of pain shooting through them, and apparently decided not to feel at all. He was thankful for that; it was better than the agony of the last time.

    The shooter confidently marched closer to the fallen Duro. Each deliberate step left a thunderous echo in Jav?s mind that would end only when interrupted by the next. Finally the shooter stopped walking and stood over the prey. Jav?s rust-red eyes grew dim as he stared at the bloodied boots of his murderer-to-be. He felt the cold barrel of the same weapon that had already made its mark in him press against the green skin of his bald head. Jav Yonx was about to die and he could trace it all back to one single event?

    ******

    Kelona 3, 1523 Local Time
    Duro Police Department Sector 17 Headquarters


    ?Edairu Benali is dead.?

    Jav sat up in his chair. ?What? When??

    ?Yesterday. The news just came here today. He was shot to death with a slugthrower.? Synth Lydon, Jav?s human partner and the district?s resident genius, tossed a file of flimsiplast documents onto the Duro?s desk. ?It happened in a mid-sized Corellian city named Bortelles ? it?s near Phorim.? Synth sat down in the extra chair and glanced around Jav?s office. ?What do you know about Benali?s assignment there??

    Jav looked through the file?s contents. He answered, ?Just what he told me. He was sent to Corellia to coordinate with CorSec on taking down an interplanetary smuggling operation with bases along the Corellian Trade Spine, including Corellia and Duro.?

    Synth paused at the business-like, near-robotic recitation. ?Yes. And now he?s been murdered. Commissioner Wuht has assigned us to find out why.?

    ?We?re headed to Corellia??

    Synth held up two shuttle tickets between his index and middle fingers.

    Jav ran a three-fingered hand over his smooth green head. ?Force. Benali. He was, what, thirty??

    ?Twenty-nine and eight months. He had a wife and two young kids.? Synth pointed to the file folder. ?We?re heading out tomorrow night. We?ll be meeting with Benali?s onworld contact. A ?Remy Diabet?.?

    ?What kind of name is that??

    ?Corellians.?

    Jav shook his head as he skimmed the dossier on Diabet. ?This is our ally? Worst shooting scores in CorSec history without washing out, has a record of erratic behavior, known to take on vigilante tendencies against organized crime??

    ?Benali trusted him,? Synth said. ?I just hope that?s not what got him killed.?

    Jav?s rust-red eyes flicked over the file to look at Synth. ??Yeah.?

    The door to the office slid open. Commissioner Wuht, a middle-aged Duro woman walked in. ?Knock knock,? she said in her usual husky voice. ?Lydon, Yonx, don?t pack your things just yet. Something?s come up, and I want you two front and center on it.?

    ?Chie
     
  2. AnakinsFavorite

    AnakinsFavorite Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 10, 2006
    Ooh! This looks good! I'd kind of lurked before- I'd read through the beginning parts but lapsed into bad readerdom :oops: I have no excuse now that this is at the beginning and I can pace along with it!

    Intriguing and interesting. I like your OC usage here- they're complex and already quite identifyable. That beginning parts was intense... but we're gonna have to wait until the end to find out if he really dies, right? [face_shame_on_you]

    Put me on the PM List!

    AF
     
  3. The Musical Jedi

    The Musical Jedi Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 13, 1999
    All right, I'm hooked. I've heard a lot about your Galaxy Noir series, and this doesn't require my working through a number of stories to get there. :p

    But really, the characters seem intriguing - and I love a good good-guy-gone-bad story. More than a teaser next time? Please add me to the PM list if you have one.
     
  4. 1Yodimus_Prime

    1Yodimus_Prime Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 13, 2004
    Oooo, nice! All the best Noirs start out with the main character about to kick it. This looks to be no exception.
    I can almost taste the high contrast black and white. :D
     
  5. correllian_ale

    correllian_ale Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Just when I think I've...The Face pulls me back in. Full agreement with Yod, especially in the opening scene.

    This place is in desperate need of a Fonzie "aaayyy!" smilie.
     
  6. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    I?m not a hero. I never wanted to be. Never wanted this. Like I?ve told CorSec, heroes die. Even if the person lives on, the hero will die? a victim of their own ? forgive the word ? humanity.

    I?m a detective. The name?s Jav Yonx, investigator for hire, and I?m dying anyway.


    SO cool to see another installment in this series started! ;d

    =D=
     
  7. Corran_Fett

    Corran_Fett Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 17, 2005
    Sweet, another Facetastic new story. [face_peace] :p

    Pretty neat job so far, you got me hooked for one. Your OCs are as great as ever, and it'll be cool to see how GN all came to be. :D

    Favorite part:

    [face_laugh] =D=

    Oh, and Wuht is a nice name. I 'spose it's from German "wut" for "anger"? Cause we learned there's no such thing as coincidence..... ^^ ;)

    And a definite need to put me on your PM list there is. [face_whistling]
     
  8. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Yay, more GN! [face_dancing]

    Very cool start. There's so much going on in this first post and so many little snippets of information, and I'm looking forward to seeing how Jav goes from his desk on Duro to lying in a puddle of his own blood. Poor guy.

    Please add me to your update PM list. (I LOL'ed at your PM for this story, BTW. :p)

    Can't wait for more. :D

    -Thumper

     
  9. The_Face

    The_Face Ex-Manager star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Current Galaxy of Suspects Update PM List
    AnakinsFavorite
    Corran_Fett
    The Musical Jedi
    Thumper09

    To get on or off this list, all y' gotta do is ask. :)


    AF: but we're gonna have to wait until the end to find out if he really dies, right?

    But of course! [face_mischief]

    Musical: Definitely more than a teaser next time. I was going to put up the whole prologue, but it was too long; it violated oqidaun's Nacho Rule of First Posts. :p

    Yod: Most definitely. :cool: Black, white, and ethical grays, step right up. [face_devil]

    ale: \o/ "Aaaaaaaaaale!" - Arthur Fonzarelli

    More than glad to suck you in. :D

    Kim: And I'm glad to be posting one again!

    CF: "Facetastic"? [face_laugh]

    Heh, awesome. I actually went with Wuht because of the [link=http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Wuht]admiral from Balance Point.[/link] I haven't read it, but I needed a Duro name and it fit the bill. Maybe the Commish is his cousin or something. :p

    Thumper: Hopefully he gets from his desk to a pool of his own blood in a suitably entertaining way!


    EVERYBODY: Thanks so much for reading and replying! Very glad you've come by for the new fic. [:D]
     
  10. Raptor517

    Raptor517 Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 12, 2006
    Put me on the list! This looks very interesting...

    Raptor517
     
  11. obsessedwithSW

    obsessedwithSW Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 24, 2005
    Wuht laid large weary-looking eyes on Synth. ?The results came back from the blaster that killed the victim in your current case.? She handed her datapad to Synth. The word MATCH blinked over a picture of a fellow Duro police officer. ?Kroma Sheik has gone rogue.?

    Love It! Looks like this is going to be an action packed thriller, cant wait!
     
  12. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Ooohhh very intriguing beginning.

    It's not often I get hooked on the first post - kudos =D= =D=

    ?Corellians.?

    Worst shooting scores in CorSec history without washing out, has a record of erratic behavior, known to take on vigilante tendencies against organized crime??


    :eek: :eek: :eek:

    Does Han Solo know about that? :p

    Please PM me when you update.

    Looking forward to more
     
  13. NYCitygurl

    NYCitygurl Manager Emeritus star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2002
    Oooo, this is really cool!! I'm very interested. Please put me on the PM list :)
     
  14. Meredith_Kenobi

    Meredith_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    I love the detail and thought you put into your stories. Glad to see another CorSec story up. [face_dancing]

    PM list, please!
     
  15. MarasFire

    MarasFire Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2007
    I've always wondered where all the detective stories are around here! This looks fascinating. Please let me know when you update!
     
  16. Luton_Plunder

    Luton_Plunder Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Well Well, Face - When I read this little teaser prologue, the word 'promising' ceases to become adequate. I actually think the nacho rule of introductions works perfectly for the detective noir style, to be honest. Especially here.

    Jav. Synth. This is just all my favourites back in one spot again :D Nice little twist of the usual noir-esque monologue at the beginning. And I can't believe quite how much danger our protagonist is in after the very first post! Plz post a rezalushan, k? I cannot wait for the continuance, and humbly request a PM. Yours sincerely,

    Luton.
     
  17. The Musical Jedi

    The Musical Jedi Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 13, 1999
    What is this nacho rule, if the uninitiated may so inquire? :p
     
  18. The_Face

    The_Face Ex-Manager star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Updated Galaxy of Suspects PM list
    AnakinsFavorite
    Corran_Fett
    KELIA
    Luton_Plunder
    MarasFire
    Meredith_Kenobi
    NYCitygurl
    Raptor517
    The Musical Jedi
    Thumper09

    Raptor517: Onto ze list you go!

    obsessedwithSW: Action-packed thriller is my aim! :-B

    KELIA: Ha, I can?t imagine Han and Remy would get along too well. :p

    Nat: Cool. :cool: Onto ze list you go!

    Meredith: Very glad you appreciate the thought and detail. I probably put way too much of the latter into it to still be sane. Good thing I haven?t been for ages. 8-} Onto ze list you go!

    MarasFire: Why, they?re right here! :p I?m actually only aware of two other authors writing them. [face_thinking] Onto ze list you go!

    Luton: Ah, welcome aboard! Onto ze list you go!

    Musical: I think it was one of those ?HALP How do I get readers? threads, where oqidaun mentioned her rule for the first post in a story is that it should be readable while microwaving nachos. It is a pretty good rule. And now I?m hungry for nachos.

    EVERYBODY: Thanks so much for reading and replying!!


    And now, without further ado, the continuation of our prologue. Updates will be closer to this length from here on out, and about a week apart. Hope you enjoy!



    Prologue Part Two: Internal Affairs



    I was shocked, to say the least.

    After Synth, Kroma Sheik is my best friend in the Duro police department. Which I guess isn?t saying a lot; I?m not the most popular guy. When I came onto the force, he took an interest in teaching me the little things you don?t learn in academy.

    He has been, and is, devoted to justice, to duty. He is a man ? Rodian, to be specific ? of unquestionable moral integrity. Rogue would have been the last descriptor I thought I?d need to use. Apparently, it had happened earlier in the morning, and we were only now being brought into the know. Internal Affairs explained as we went to the interrogation room.


    Agent Linsov, a Duro woman in a business suit, led Synth and Jav down the hallway. ?Late last night ? or early this morning, rather ? you two found the body of one Tynis He?lad, a man without a home or any real possessions, who?d recently escaped from a mental institution with the help of a thus-far unidentified group.?

    Jav frowned. ?And you think Kroma Sheik killed He?lad??

    Linsov replied, ?No. We know he did. The blaster wound data you submitted to the lab is a perfect match to Sheik?s weapon. He?lad was seen meeting with Sheik at his apartment shortly before his time of death. Rather than offer explanation, or cooperate with our arrest, Sheik ran when we went to pick him up. He fled the lab, and assaulted a fellow officer on his way out. I can show you the security footage if you?d like, but I?d rather not take that time.

    ?I.A. followed him to a fuel stop far outside city limits. He met with a known criminal, and then went on down Expressway Nine. When agents arrived at the stop to ask some questions, said criminal blew up half the station, their speeders included. That?s why we lost Sheik.?

    They stopped in front of a large one-way transparisteel port, through which they could see a large Zabrak man sitting at a table in cuffs. Linsov went on. ?This is that criminal. His alias is Barcode; we?re still not entirely sure what his real name might be. Agent Trepp is trying to get some answers out of him, but he?s gotten nowhere for nearly two hours.?

    Trepp, another Duro in a suit, paced around Barcode. ?Those are some nice tattoos,? he remarked; there were barcodes emblazoned on the Zabrak?s skin in several prominent locations ? most visible those on his arms and at the base of his neck. ?Where did you acquire them??

    ?I don?t know.?

    ?You don?t know??

    ?It?s like knowing something, except the opposite,? Barcode clarified. ?I don?t know my real name, either, or much of anything about me from before seven years ago. These marks are older t
     
  19. NYCitygurl

    NYCitygurl Manager Emeritus star 9 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2002
    Ooo, I like -- especially the end :D And I'm growing very curious about both Barcode and the person or persons who set Shiek put.
     
  20. Raptor517

    Raptor517 Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 12, 2006
    I like this. More twists than a piece of licorice.

    Raptor517
     
  21. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    ?Who are you protecting??
    ?If I told you, I wouldn?t be doing a very good job of it.?


    I loved those lines.


    ?Two point seventy-five seconds,? Synth corrected. ?And it was more thorough than was really necessary.?

    heh heh. Good ol' Synth. :p


    Whoa, so that whole course of events leads Jav to private-investigator-dom, huh? I think it says a lot about Jav's friendship with Kroma and Benali for him to have made the choices he did. Then contrast that with just leaving a note for someone to go help Synth, and add a dash of internal conflict with his own sense of duty during his conversation with Synth after Kroma ran out... Very cool Jav chapter/update. :D Two big green thumbs up (do Duros have thumbs?).

    A lot of paperwork indeed.

    And now Kroma's in custody... [face_worried]

    Great work! Looking forward to more! :)

    -Thumper
     
  22. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Community Squirrel Whisperer star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Yikes, what a start, Jav lying bleeding and dying... :eek:

    ?Twenty-nine and eight months. He had a wife and two young kids.? Synth pointed to the file folder. ?We?re heading out tomorrow night. We?ll be meeting with Benali?s onworld contact. A ?Remy Diabet?.?

    ?What kind of name is that??

    ?Corellians.?


    Couldn't help but pause to smile at the thought of their first meeting. :D :D

    Wuht laid large weary-looking eyes on Synth. ?The results came back from the blaster that killed the victim in your current case.? She handed her datapad to Synth. The word MATCH blinked over a picture of a fellow Duro police officer. ?Kroma Sheik has gone rogue.?


    Oh crap!! :eek:

    I'd immediately wondered about Kroma being framed but when he said

    ?A weapon in development,? Sheik replied. ?Don?t you understand?? His voice lowered. ?They?re going to kill planets.?


    it was all the reason needed to go to such extreme measures.

    Synth looked up, and focused his intense gray eyes on Jav. He spoke quietly, and carefully. ?Personal relationships do not excuse a killer from justice.?


    Grrrr, he should know him enough to know it wasn't him.

    Fantabulous start, and please keep the PM's coming. :)
     
  23. MarasFire

    MarasFire Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2007
    ?You?re lying to me.?

    ?You say that as if I don?t know,? Barcode replied serenely.


    Heh, I like Barcode.

    I hope it turns out that Kroma really is being framed [face_worried]
     
  24. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Hmmm...Jav is going to try and get to the bottom of Imperial shenanigans?

    Somehow, I don't think the Imps are going to like that very much.

    ?Your voice used to crack when you said ?Freeze?

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Nice to see Shiek's sense of humor has remained despite all the trouble he's in.

    Great update

    =D= =D= =D= =D=


     
  25. Laine_Snowtrekker

    Laine_Snowtrekker Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2003
    This seems intriguing. I've heard a lot about your GN series--sign me up for this one!
     
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