Saga Getting Over It (Dear Diary Challenge 2009)

Title: Getting Over It
Author: MeleanaKenobi
Timeframe: 1 year after TPM
Notes: This is for: Dear Diary Challenge 2009. http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/29588737/p1
This is loosely based on the first story I ever wrote. This story is in no shape to ever be posted. So I thought doing it from my OC's POV in a diary would be a good way to give her some back story for another fic I'm writing. This is my first story in first person so please be gentle.
http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/29643506/p1/?0 This diary goes along with this one and is from another OC's point of view during the same time frame.

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I haven?t kept a journal since I was a youngling. I?ve been to busy to ever even think of writing in one. Now I have nothing to do. No one to talk to. There are a million things going on in my head. I should just get them out. It?s just a journal. It isn?t going to tell anyone. So why am I writing about the journal instead of what I?m feeling? Or about what?s happening. Well more like what happened. I guess I just don?t want to say it. Or write it down. Writing something down is even more final than saying it. Maybe if I don?t write it down it won?t be real. Nothing feels real right now, but that?s probably just the pain meds.
I?ve spent the past week soaking in a bacta tank. I never mind being in them. Getting out is the problem. I stink and I?m nauseous. I?m not really sure why I?m alive at all. Why did I get to live?
Oh and happy birthday to me. I hate writing, it never conveys sarcasm correctly. Maybe I should keep a holo diary.

 

Nice beginning

 

Nice!! I love your OC's kind of sarcastic, snarky humor, and the way he/she worries over what happened shows a nice depth of character. Very cool

If you've got a PM list, please add me

 

It turns out some things are more certain than writing. Fire for example. I went to my Maters funeral today. They waited to have it until I was able to move. That was nice of them I guess. Aside from the emotion induced paralysis attending the funeral caused. I stood there long after everyone else had gone. I think I was waiting for him to come back. Like it was all some big joke and he?d just show up laughing. He never did. I guess that?s pretty obvious.
I can?t stop thinking about the last few moments of his life. At least the ones I saw. He jumped in front of me. He pushed me off a cliff. Before I started to fall he did. First all I could think was ?why?? That was quickly replaced by ?no?. Who knows how long he lay there before? The next thing I remembered was being cold and wet and in pain. How did they find me? Why did they find me first? Maybe if they?d found him first? I should feel grateful. My life is a gift. He gave his life to keep me here. But all I want to do is die. I can?t talk to anyone, no one would understand. I feel like my heart was torn from my chest and all I have left is a gaping bloody hole where it used to be. Where he used to be. There is no one in the galaxy I loved and trusted as much as him. There?s no one else I trusted at all. He?s gone. I?m alone. I?m on the most populated planet in the galaxy and I am so alone.

The Council still won?t tell me what they?re going to do with me. They probably just haven?t gotten to it yet. I don?t want another Master. I don?t think I?m ready to become a Jedi Knight either. Maybe if they just let me sit in the temple gardens mediating for a few years?

 

Aww, poor Jedi It must be hard to lose a master like that.

 

I finally heard back from the Council. They?ve decided to let me face the trials. Makes me wonder what other bad decisions they?ve made lately. They didn?t say what they would do with me if I failed. I never bothered looking up the common procedure on this sort of thing. It never occurred to me Ari could die. Well it had occurred to me, but I always dismissed it. He was always immortal in my eyes. I looked up to him more than anyone else here. Most people probably do that with their Masters though. Any way, now he is? It isn?t like I can just go around asking people if they?ve had a Master die prematurely. ?And what did they do with you?? As though people don?t already think I?m eccentric enough. I don?t feel comfortable asking the Council. I?ll just have to wait and see.
Ugh! I am way to impatient! There is no way I'm going to pass these trials. I should start thinking up alternate career options.

 

Awww, poor little padawan

 

Well I?m a Jedi Knight. Meleana Ariadne Jedi Knight. I?m laughing right now. Laughter, another thing poorly conveyed in text. The Council must have put something special in their tea this morning.
I?d always imagined I would celebrate this day. It seems silly to celebrate being sympathy knighted. Besides Ketana and Titania are still on a mission. They should probably knight Ketana as soon as they get back. I can only imagine the look on her face when she finds out I got Knighted before she did. She?s nice enough not to point out the fact that it was a sympathy knighting.
At least now I don?t have to worry about what?s to become of me.

 

Hey, at least she's got something, pity knighting or not - rank, status, and a future.