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Saga Han Solo and Chewbacca but Captain Kirk is there for some reason.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by s_heffley, Sep 13, 2018.

  1. s_heffley

    s_heffley Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jun 7, 2015
    Title: Han Solo and Chewbacca but Captain Kirk is there for some reason.
    Subtitle: Probably the worst thing I'll ever write
    Author: S_Heffley
    Genre: Humor
    Notes: Did this to fulfill a promise to @christophero30. I might continue the story if I'm crazy.


    Chewbacca grumbled.

    “Yes Chewie,” said Han as they sped down the sandy dunes of Tatooine, “We’re almost there.”

    Han was always glad to have his Wookiee friend by his side, but his impatience could be annoying at times.

    Solo was dragged out of his thoughts by a loud roar on Chewies end, and he slammed on the brakes. Up ahead, a man had appeared. A man that hadn’t been there a few seconds ago, Han was sure of it. The man wore an orange shirt which blended in with the sand. If it hadn’t been for Chewbacca’s alarm, he would have slammed right into him at full force. As it was, the speeder slowed until they stopped face to face with the man.

    The man stood, alert. He looked from Han to Chewbacca and back.

    “Mister, you can’t just jump in front of moving speeders like that!” Han yelled to the strange man. But as he studied the man closer, Han began to be put off. He had been to many places in the galaxy. Never had he seen attire like this guy was wearing.

    Quickly, the mysterious figure whipped out a strange device and spoke into it. “Kirk to Enterprise,” He said. “Kirk to Enterprise,” he repeated. “Come in, Enterprise.” Han and Chewie continued to watch, curiously. They had practically been stunned into silence. This man, Kirk, seemed to be trying to communicate with what must be his ship. But his comlink was of no kind Han had ever seen. Kirk then put his device back where he had taken it from his hip. Then he did something unexpected. He turned to the sky and screamed. “Listen, I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing! But I won’t play it! Release me and we’ll talk terms!” His voice echoed, but apparently whatever he was hoping for never came. He just stood there, dejected.

    “Hey,” said Han Solo, after he had regained his wits. “I don’t know about the planet you come from, but the sky here doesn’t talk.” He stepped out of the speeder. “Now could you please tell me what you’re doing here and maybe we can…”

    He suddenly noticed that Kirk had a weapon pointed towards him.

    “Hey, hey-” began Han.

    “I don’t know what the Klingons put you up to, but I don’t trust it,” Kirk said.

    “Klingons? What the hell are you talking about, Klingons? I ain’t never heard of no Klingons! Chewie, any idea what he’s talking about?”

    Chewie grumbled and shook his head.

    “See?” said Han. “Now put that thing down and we can talk this out.”

    Kirk considered the proposition for a second, and the weapon he was holding dropped slightly. The he raised it again and said, “I still don’t trust you, Solo.”

    “Solo! How do you know me? One of Jabba’s agents?”

    “You’re just…” Kirk hesitated, “Very well known in the galaxy.”

    “Yeah, right. Once again, put away whatever that is, or this time I’ll send my Wookiee friend after you.”

    Once again, Kirk thought about it. Finally, he said. “No, I won’t play this Klingon game.”

    At that, Chewie growled with rage, and charged at Kirk. Kirk was quicker, however, and turned to fire a yellow laser beam at the Wookiee. Han was shocked at the way the weapon worked, being completely different than anything he had ever seen. But he was more shocked at the way his friend dropped down at the hit.

    “You killed him!” Han yelled.

    “No-” Kirk began, but he never finished the rest of the sentence. Han had pounced on him, knocking the weapon out of his hand. The two fell and were then rolling around on the sand, trading blows. Kirk landed a knee on Han’s left side, Han landed a punch on the side of Kirk’s head. The two continued to tussle and roll. They rolled into a large rock, where Kirk’s shirt got caught and ripped down near his abdomen.

    “Just tell Jabba I need more time!” Han said as they rustled.

    “And you can tell your Klingons that I won’t do this any longer!”

    The two continued to roll, and Han believed he had the upper hand. What he didn’t know was that he had played directly into Kirk’s hands. Kirk had rolled them continuously into one direction. The direction of where he had dropped his weapon. As they reached the point, Solo felt something press against his head.

    “Now get up, and tell me what the Klingons are doing here.”

    Han stood up as he was told, though he had no idea what he was supposed to tell Kirk.

    Before he could say anything, however, he heard a crackly voice coming from the device on Kirk’s hip, which had seemed to magically survive the fight. “Spock to Captain Kirk. Come in Captain Kirk.”

    Kirk unhooked the device, “This is Kirk. I tried to communicate with you earlier. Where were you?”

    “It seems when you beamed down a rift in space opened, and we almost lost you. We have been able to penetrate the rift, but we have a limited time frame. Can we beam you up now?”

    “Yes, I’m ready.”


    Han stared on in amazement.

    Kirk said, “By the way, I didn’t kill your friend. I only stunned him.” He was then enveloped in a golden light and was gone.

    Han looked over at Chewie, who was beginning to stir. He stood up, and asked what happened while he was down. Han told him the full story.

    Chewbacca grumbled.

    “I agree. We should stop at Mos Eisley Cantina before we leave. This fighting people from alternate realities thing is thirsty business.”

    The Enterprise

    Kirk materialized on the transporter platform.

    “Good to see you back, Captain,” said the transporter chief Kyle. “We were all afraid we lost you for a little bit there, sir.”

    “It’s good to be back, Kyle,” Kirk said. He then made his way to the bridge. He would need medical treatment and a new uniform eventually, but he knew his bridge officers must be insanely curious to know what he had seen.

    But as he neared the bridge, he realized telling the whole truth was a bad idea. He would trust only two men, Spock and Bones, with what had really gone on down there. It was up to them to believe him or not.

    He entered the bridge. Although the crew was going about their duties, he felt the air of expectations as he entered.

    Spock spotted him. “Captain, I’m sure you know we are all curious what it was like down there.”

    “Yes,” said Kirk, addressing the whole crew. “It was the complete opposite of what the reports indicated. While the reports showed a large forested Class M planet, I beamed down to a barren rock with hardly any vegetation. I was lucky the air was still breathable.”

    “Fascinating,” said Spock. “You would wish to get to Sickbay now, I presume.”

    “Of course,” said Kirk. “But first, I would like to speak with you in private, Spock” The two retreated to a secluded corner. “What I said about the planet, a complete lie.”

    “Why would you wish to be untruthful, Captain?” asked Spock.

    “Because the truth is entirely unbelievable.”

    “Yet you wish to tell the truth to me?”


    “Well, I’m listening.”

    Kirk hesitated, but finally said it, “Spock, have you ever heard of that really old movie Star Wars?”

    Spock thought for a bit. “I am not familiar with that form of entertainment, Captain.”

    Kirk sighed, “That’s probably for the better, Spock. That’s probably for the better.”
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2018
  2. christophero30

    christophero30 Jedi Grand Master star 6

    May 18, 2017
  3. Jedi Knight Fett

    Jedi Knight Fett Host, PT Interview Thread star 10 VIP - Game Host

    Feb 18, 2014
    You fulfilled your promise
    AzureAngel2 and s_heffley like this.
  4. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 7

    Aug 31, 2004
    [face_laugh] =D= Has a fangirl melt down because of Han and Kirk and Spock in the same fic! =P~ Yum! [face_mischief]
  5. ThisIsMe1138

    ThisIsMe1138 Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 26, 2018
    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh] [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]

    Giving me some good crossover ideas..... [face_thinking][face_thinking]
  6. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Force Ghost star 6

    Jun 14, 2005
    A funny crossover with a lot of misunderstandings and emotional reactions. If Spock would have been down there on Tatooine soil we would have a much more logical, yet boring story.
  7. Vek Talis

    Vek Talis Jedi Padawan star 1

    Oct 12, 2018
    Good and funny. I am a bit confused, however. If Kirk knew of Star Wars, then why did he suspect the Klingons were playing a trick on him? He could have trusted Han and they could have spoken about things. Of course, that's what Picard would have done. Kirk goes right for the phaser. :rolleyes:
  8. Antaus

    Antaus Jedi Youngling

    Oct 4, 2018
    I like it, the character's personalities seem pretty spot on, and it is funny. You should write more on this, I'd read it.
  9. s_heffley

    s_heffley Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jun 7, 2015
    Kirk knew Star Wars as fiction, he wouldn't believe it that he was actually in the world.

    Either that, or I was just writing a stupid story and didn't really care about plot holes, like why Kirk was beaming down to the planet by himself in the first place. You decide.
    AzureAngel2, Lady_Misty and Vek Talis like this.
  10. Vek Talis

    Vek Talis Jedi Padawan star 1

    Oct 12, 2018
    Because Kirk's a bad mo- all right, I'll stop right there.

    And because he always goes RIGHT for the phaser... :rolleyes:

    Humor needs not to know the bounds of logic, sir. Please, continue, should the muse decide to bite.

    And, can you direct me to the naval base in Alameda?
    It's across the bay... In Alameda. Duh! :p
    AzureAngel2 and s_heffley like this.
  11. Antaus

    Antaus Jedi Youngling

    Oct 4, 2018
    Kirk could have just been separated from the rest of the landing party. You know how it goes, beam down to a planet, get separated, leave a trail of red shirts, then beam back up.
  12. Lady_Misty

    Lady_Misty Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 21, 2007
    He's beamed down alone to a planet once or twice during the run of the TOS.

    I was holding back laughter the entire time so my BIL wouldn't give me funny looks but a few muffled chuckles escaped.

    If you do more that's fine but you seemed to have left it at a good place.
    AzureAngel2, s_heffley and Vek Talis like this.
  13. Khalia Octa

    Khalia Octa Bringer of Truth to the EUC star 4 VIP - Game Host

    Jun 23, 2018
    I [face_laugh] and I haven't even watched Star Trek before :p =D=
  14. ThisIsMe1138

    ThisIsMe1138 Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 26, 2018
    Lol, me either but I know a little bit about it :p
  15. s_heffley

    s_heffley Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jun 7, 2015
    Transition into Part Two: The thing that no one asked for. I have no idea why I'm writing it!

    This one turned out more generic. There'll be more comedy in the actual part two, promise.


    As the speeder went towards Mos Eisley, Han replayed everything that had happened in his mind. While he didn’t exactly know what a “rift in space” was, he could still piece together that, as impossible as it sounded, the man who had come through it was from a different universe. Everything about him, his clothes, the technology he used, was so impossibly foreign there was hardly any other explanation.

    But there was still one question which pressed on Han’s mind…

    Solo, Kirk had called him Solo.

    How the heck had he known his name was Solo?

    He kept replaying the moment, wondering if it had just been a coincidence. But the more he thought about it, the more it became painfully obvious that Kirk had known who he was.


    He thought and thought, but eventually gave up. All he could do was accept that he might never get that answer and focus on his problems with that greedy Jabba the Hutt.

    The Enterprise

    “Did I hear you correctly, Captain?” asked Spock. “You want to go back in the rift?”

    “I know it sounds crazy,” said Kirk. “Actually, it is crazy. But Bones is a huge fan.”

    “I knew you wouldn’t be able to understand, Spock,” added Bones. “You never had any damn fun as a child. I used to run around like I was in these movies. Now, I have the chance to actually be there.”

    “The rift is unstable,” stated Spock, ignoring McCoy’s jab in Vulcan-like fashion, “It is too risky to send you two back through, no matter how big of a ‘fan’ you are.”

    “Spock, I always value your advice, but I was only asking for you to plot the safest way for us to go back in, not to tell us if it was safe,” Kirk said.

    “And since this is on the subject of leisure rather than an official Starfleet mission, I have every right to refuse,” Spock said coldly. “I’m sorry, captain, I will not risk it.”

    Kirk sighed, “Well, that’s it then. I guess McCoy won’t have his greatest birthday ever tomorrow after all,” he added, hoping to tug at Spock’s heartstrings. Then he remembered who he was talking to as Spock gave him a strange look. “Nevermind. Meeting adjourned.”

    The three dispersed, Spock to take over the bridge for the night and the other two to get some rest.

    As Kirk fell asleep, he was sad that his friend wouldn’t receive his greatest birthday present ever, but also not surprised. He had known that convincing Spock would be almost impossible from the start.

    Suddenly, he was shaken awake, and saw Bones standing above him. Alongside him was Engineer Montgomery Scott. Bones looked exhausted, like he hadn’t slept at all, and Scotty wasn’t faring much better.

    “Scotty and I just spent the whole night monitoring the rift,” Bones said.

    “Aye sir,” said Scotty, “Doctor McCoy came to me with his story, and I couldn’t resist helping him out. I believe Mr. Spock was just being protective. The rift, while certainly not exactly safe, shows no signs of imminent collapse or prolonged closure. We should be able to get you in and out just fine.”

    “Now quick,” demanded Bones, “We gotta slip out under that cold Vulcan’s nose.”

    The three of them made their way to the transporter room. “I don’t relish the idea of leaving Spock in the dark,” Kirk said to McCoy as they walked, “but at the same time, happy birthday, Bones.”
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2018 at 1:27 PM
  16. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 21, 2016
    May this story live long and prosper.
    AzureAngel2, Findswoman and s_heffley like this.
  17. Vek Talis

    Vek Talis Jedi Padawan star 1

    Oct 12, 2018
    Good old Scotty to the rescue! I'd trust his advice as easily as Spock's, for most things. I wonder what Bones will do when Kirk romances all the hot Twi'lek girls out from under him? :p
  18. Lady_Misty

    Lady_Misty Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 21, 2007
    I had a feeling that they would go behind Spock's back to go visit the Star Wars Galaxy; but honestly who wouldn't want to at least visit for a few hours? They just need to not bring certain things up that could corrupt the timeline.

    I will say though that i will serve them right if they get stuck there for any length in time because they underestimated just how much of a warning they would have to return.
    Vek Talis and s_heffley like this.