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Hardest Words to Say: How to tell the person you're dating that you Write Fanfic.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by SpiritofEowyn, Dec 20, 2006.

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  1. SpiritofEowyn

    SpiritofEowyn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2005
    How long should you wait until you tell your boyfriend (or girlfriend) that you write fanfics?

    Until after the engagement ring?

    How have you guys broken the news?

    Or should you hide it for the rest of your life as your 'dirty little secret'[face_worried]

    I kinda, don't want my boyfriend to think I'm a freak. "No! I can handle it! Just one more paragraph I swear! I'm not addicted.. Noooo!"

    Have any of you had to break the News about being enough of a Star Wars 'fan' that you joined The Boards?
     
  2. GraySaberFreque

    GraySaberFreque Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Maybe it's just because i'm 14, but I can't see why they'd think you a freak just because you like star wars.

     
  3. SpiritofEowyn

    SpiritofEowyn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2005
    Liking Star Wars is one thing. Spending your free time writing lots of stories about it, reading the books and talking to your friends about star wars... tends to seem.. Abnormal. Too Geeky for most. Or people get the idea that you're a little looney and can't handle real people and all sorts of stereotypes.
     
  4. GraySaberFreque

    GraySaberFreque Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 23, 2006
    My friends don't treat me ay different for what I do, and I HAVE told them.
     
  5. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2002
    I told my boyfriend in the first couple of months we were seeing each other - well before he became my husband - that I was a star wars nut and a gamer - and that I write for a hobby. I didn't actually tell him I wrote star wars fanfics until he asked what I write and why. But then, I write a dozen different fandoms - Star Wars is just the most common for me.

    Be honest with him, tell him you have a hobby. A word of advice; don't expect him to sacrifice his time with you so you can write fanfics ;) Bring a note paper and pen and write down jot notes when you get an idea so you're not letting it interfere with the time you spend.

    Writing is a perfectly healthy outlet - and a great stress reliever. He doesn't have to read what you write, just accept that you do. I'm sure he's got hobbies that you'll kind of raise an eyebrow at but everyone's interests are different. Tolerance is a wonderful thing :)
     
  6. AdmiralVorec

    AdmiralVorec Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2006
    My wife knows... I'm a Star Wars geek. I have a bookshelf dedicated to everything Star Wars (Books, Resources, Comics)... she knew a while back that I was working on a "book". Makes me happy and I guess that's all she cares about.
     
  7. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    I tell people right off the bat about my SW obsession. Either they they it's dorky or not. There's this guy at work you I have to admit crushing over and I think it came up in one of the very first conversations we had.

    I remember him saying he like SW alot, raising an eyebrow and asking if I was one of those people that went in costumes.

    I laughed and replied with "I wish I were that talented." He laughed and I went on to tell him about this place. Meh, he doesn't even own his own computer should he can't understand the joys of nerdom which one of his co-workers and I discuss. LOL

    It may be part of who you are and we really shouldn't have to hide it from those closest to us. :)
     
  8. MsLanna

    MsLanna Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2005
    I can't even remember whan I told my bf. But he thinks I'm crazy anyway, so nothing much happened. (IMO everybody is nuts in a way...)
    He doesn't share the interest in SW the least, but he never talked about it as if it was too geeky or something. He even lent me his laptop for my current project when I ran out of writing time.[face_love]

    But I'd agree, tell him you write and then mention fanfic later.
     
  9. divapilot

    divapilot Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    My husband doesn't care what I do as long as I'm happy and not barking at him. :p

    My daughter is too self-absorbed to feel twitchy about my geekdom. My teenage son, however, finds my hobby a bit ... strange, and sometimes he will tease me about it. However, he also helps me with plot points and writing ideas. So I discuss the art of writing with my kid. Can't see any harm there.

    Since I work with people who are essentially writers, I have told them that I write short stories that I publish on-line. If they want to know more, I tell them that I write fan fiction. I tell them that it's writing original stories that are based off of exisiting stories and characters. You know, kinda like how Wicked is based off of The Wizard of Oz.

    I honestly was concerned that I would now look like the Queen Uber Geek. However, people just seemed to file that information under "Interesting, but I don't think it's for me." Frankly, anyone who would treat me differently because I write fanfic is someone who bases their opinions on assumptions and stereotypes and I have neither the time nor the tolerance for such nonsense.

    Good topic!:D
     
  10. palpyisgod2

    palpyisgod2 Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 7, 2005
    It was my ex that got me interested in SW. before that I was a ...Trekkie! *runs*
     
  11. Kelli_LB

    Kelli_LB Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 24, 2006
    It was my ex that got me interested in SW. before that I was a ...Trekkie! *runs*

    Hey, there's nothing wrong with being a Trekkie. I never did subscribe to the notion that you can't like both. Liking both makes me a well rounded geek. :D ;)

    About the fanfic writing. I have not told anyone I know in "real life" that I do it. It's not that I'm ashamed, but I don't want people I know, especially family, finding my stories and reading them. I don't want to hear their opinions. I'm not afraid of being labled a geek, they already know that, my writing is just more personal to me.

    I haven't been in a relationship since I really began writing fanfic last summer. Before, it was just a few things here and there that I wasn't really serious about. If I was to get in a relationship, I would have to tell him eventually. It's an interest that is part of who I am, and if he doesn't like it, well he isn't the one for me.

    If I were you, though, I wouldn't say it on the first date; wait until you are more serious. Like the others have said, just say you like to write for fun.
     
  12. Darth_Lex

    Darth_Lex Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2002
    I'm not 14 :p and I agree completely.

    Just a few of the people I work with:
    One guy spends 2+ hours a day on his fantasy baseball team.
    Another is obsessed with collecting and drinking fine wine.
    One is an avid cyclist, and spends thousands on his bike and equipment.
    Another is a boater and fisherman, and can't understand why I don't like sailing.
    One gal is a movie buff; I mean, she'll rent or go see anything, no matter how obscure (or awful).

    You get the idea. ;) If any of them ever hassled me about liking SW as much as I do (in my office I have an ROTS poster on my wall and an Ask Yoda on my desk), I'd just laugh. Everyone's got a hobby - so why hide yours?
     
  13. Rhodna

    Rhodna Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 28, 2006
    I've never had such a problem, as my last boyfriend was as big of a Star Wars nut as me - in fact, he was the one to introduce me to fan-fiction in the first place! :p Before, I had written some original pieces, but then I read some of his stuff and I had a complete eye-opener! :D

    As for my family... well, I've living separately from them for about three years now, so they don't know about my 'dirty little secret'. [face_devil] The only close people who sometimes tease me are my two room-mates, but it's more good-natured banter than anything else.
     
  14. Eleventh_Guard

    Eleventh_Guard Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 17, 2005
    I don't tell anybody I know in "real life" that I'm a fic writer. If asked directly, I would be honest, but who's going to ask? The only people I have frequent contact with are co-workers and my immediate family, and due to my job duties, this means once or twice a week for co-workers and once or twice a month for my family.

    However, for me to get really involved with anyone in a relationship, they'd know because they'd have to be okay with me being an amateur writer. It's a big part of who I am - I'm miserable if I don't have something to work on, be it fanfic or original. I probably wouldn't even start a relationship with somebody who wasn't obviously cool with it because it simply wouldn't work out. When I'm really going on a project, I don't just do it a couple of hours a week. I can easily log 3-4 hours per DAY if I'm not too tired from work, if I have a project I'm passionate enough about. That's not something I can easily hide from someone who would be seeing me in a social context every week.

     
  15. MirandaFair

    MirandaFair Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 13, 2005
    Great topic, SoE! Thanks for posting it.

    When I first started writing fanfiction, which was about a year-and-a-half ago, I was just coming out of a long-term relationship. So my ex didn't have a clue as to what I was starting. Nor did I! He knew I liked to write and that I loved Star Wars, but he was also a fan of the films. Maybe not to the extent that we are ;) but a fan nevertheless.

    I use my own rule about when to bring up what I write. This applies to guys, friends, and colleagues. If the topic of hobbies comes up, I gently off offer to them that I write on the side. I also work in other hobbies, like performing, playing volleyball, that sort of thing. Should the person bite at the fact that I write, I vaguely go into what I do. Whenever they seem very interested, then I tell them about how I write original work as well as fanfiction. Usually it doesn't get that far. [face_laugh] LOL! Yet, I think it doesn't hurt to have a plan of attack in the back of one's mind.

    Even though I feel it myself, I don't understand this whole thing of shame behind being a Star Wars fan. I'd think a guy would be impressed that a girl even knew what Star Wars was, much less write about the genre of science fantasy. :confused: My parents and one sibling know I write and they're fine with just knowing that. If it makes me happy, then they're happy. My two best friends also know I write and they have the same reaction. They're cool with it. :cool:

    I wholeheartedly agree! :D If they can't understand the simple things which gives me enjoyment, and treat me differently, then they really have no business being around me. Not that I judge people on how they react to the news if they know, but the moment someone gives a look and a snide remark, I loose interest in the person. Chances are if they are so easy to dish out criticism for a silly thing like fanfiction, perhaps that's how there whole life POV is based on: judging people. [face_shame_on_you] That's not my cup of tea.

    Thankfully, I have friends on the boards to share in and understand the obsession with. [:D]



     
  16. AnakinsFavorite

    AnakinsFavorite Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 10, 2006
    I told hubby to just deal :p He's always finding my missing posts all over the place. I get raised eyebrows and that's about it.

    I once tried to get him to type them up for me but said he couldn't read my writing :p so he just usually lays there with his head on my lap and falls asleep.

    *shrugs* Compared to all of the evil secrets you *could* have, writing is much more normal 8-} even if it is feeding an obsession
     
  17. MirandaFair

    MirandaFair Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 13, 2005
    Those are the truest words I've ever "heard." [face_laugh]
     
  18. AnakinsFavorite

    AnakinsFavorite Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 10, 2006
    Just think about it....

    "I have something I need to tell you."

    "What, are you pregnant?"

    "No... something much more embrarrasing... my love, I write SW fanfiction."
     
  19. slow_dawn

    slow_dawn Jedi Knight star 2

    Registered:
    Apr 18, 2006
    [face_laugh]

    For me, I think it would be more embarrasing for someone I knew to read my fics than to know I write them. I'd probably be worried that they would think they were terrible or stupid or something like that.


     
  20. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    My husband knew that I was a rabid SW geek when he met me in 1997. I couldn't hide my legions of action figures (both SW and LOTR) any better than I could dismiss the three foot tall Buddha in the living room or my nine inch nails tattoo. It's all a part of who I am.

    My husband knew I wrote original fic (in additional to all my academic stuff) and I'd been the editor of the university's literary journal, so he had idea about some of my strange postmodern perspectives. He writes nonfiction and is a respected and published author, but he has a fledgling tolerance for fiction--so we do our own thing. I didn't start writing fanfic until later and in a different fandom (The Matrix), we living on different sides of the state at the time so it was just one of those quirks I picked up that summer. He's not read much of my SW stuff save the vignette 'Ewok Murder Rampage', which he did not "get" and that's ok--our relationship is based on much more than fanfic.

    Now if he didn't get my paintings, then it would be on.
     
  21. Herman Snerd

    Herman Snerd Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 31, 1999
    Come on, nobody here actually dates. ;) :p
     
  22. AnakinsFavorite

    AnakinsFavorite Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 10, 2006
    Yes we do date! I went on a date with my husband just...

    *crickets chirping*

    That's it- I'm going to the gym... not to work out, but to find him and demand that he take me... baby clothes shopping

    :oops:

    Ouch... that's not a date either :oops:

    *thinks of romantic candlelight dinner*
     
  23. obsessedwithSW

    obsessedwithSW Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 24, 2005
    I agree with some of the above statements. Start with I like to write and at a later date you can tell him it is fan fiction. I think once he gets to know you well it wont make a difference as long as you have things you both like to do and talk about.

    As far as telling others I admit to my SW obsession openly and have had some come out of hiding to admit theirs. That's really cool. I think the only time people really freak out is if everything they own do or say is SW. Like if your house is decorated from top to bottom like a children's bedroom with SW. That might freak out a person, but other than that were all geeks it just is the genere that is different. Besides I am too old to care about what others think. Life is too short and I am having too much fun!
     
  24. Jturtle

    Jturtle Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 9, 2006
    The guy I'm going out with would not dig deeper if I just told him I like to write on the side. He probably already knows it because he's in quite a few of my clases, including English.

    Besides, he has even stranger habits than me so... I don't think he'd care if I told him I was a SW fan.

    Only two other people in RL have read my fanfic, my mom and my best frend.

    My dad also probably knows that I write on the side but he's never asked so I don't plan to tell him.
     
  25. Luna_Nightshade

    Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 2006
    This is actually a really amusing question for me. My boyfriend found out about my fanfiction hobby in one of the worst ways I could ever suggest.

    My boyfriend had a vague idea of what I was doing for about the first four or so months of being here. He knew I was writing something, and he knew that I... enjoyed Star Wars. I wasn't so serious about it, then, to bring it up for real. I assumed it would pass soon.

    He learned the honest truth when I arrived one night in May with the announcement that I was hosting the Beyond the Saga fanfic awards. It was at that point that he learned the real truth. [face_blush]

    However, I was perhaps lucky in that he has his own hobbies, too, and he was happy to see me get one and keep one. He assisted me with some programming that I used for the awards, and he was incredibly patient knowing that every night after dinner that summer I had either noms/votes/excerpts to do. He was also there when I was stressed with issues that came along, and we went out for dinner after it was all over.

    However, even though it was just fine for me--I would definitely encourage bringing this up way earlier. Explaining not only fanfic and the forums but then fanfic awards ceremonies and excerpt posting and that teensy weensy markup code that just won't work... that's when it got to be a bit much. :p

    EDIT: On a side note... be careful about telling your family. My father has told his coworkers. My sister told one of my old high school teachers. I'm just waiting for the information to make it through the town rumor mill and become the grand topic of conversation at one of my high school reunions. Just you wait.
     
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