Hardest Words to Say: How to tell the person you're dating that you Write Fanfic.

Easy - avoid dating!

My mother thinks I should be original (hah! I keep telling her I can't plot worth a darn) and doesn't understand my fascination with SciFi.

My brother who is into Sci Fi (in fact, reading his books got me hooked) isn't interested.

The few co-workers & friends who know go: um, ah ha, okay.

I tell you - stay single and middle aged and you ain't got a problem.

 

You mean we aren't basement dwelling creature unable to function in real life? Who knew?!



Seriously, when normal people I know ask me what I do in my free time, I just tell them I write. They are suitably impressed. Problems arise when they ask to take a look at my 'short fiction' - 'No! No, you can't see it! No please, it's not finished yet!'

And my mates at school mostly write HP crack slashfic, so as far as my literary inclinations are concerned, I apparently have poor taste, and am disgustingly mainstream.

 

I think it also depends on the crowd we hang out with in the real life, and on our parents/family. For example, my Mum already freaks out when I go out and meet some RL friends: "What?! You are going out? And why don't you use this free time for more studying?" I can only imagine her reaction if I told her I write fanfic...

If my friends told me they wrote fanfic, I'd be totally okay with it. But not everyone is so tolerant. Quite many people are very narrow-minded, and listening to their teasing isn't someting I want to endure. I'm a mathematician and a programmer (or I will be if I pass all the exams). In our group, writing new programms and proving complicated mathematical theorems is considered alright--it's a healthy, very 'in' hobby. But fanfic? Uh-uh.

I asked myself if I were ashamed of doing something that... unusual. I haven't found an answer. Like Obi-Wan said, it all depends on your POV. In the environment I grew up in, my hobby is something very, very unhealthy and something I should be ashamed of. On the other hand, is it much worse than watching all seasons of "Simpsons" each weekend, or spend your each free minute inventing new mathematical theorems?

In any case, I'll take my secret to the grave.

 

On a Very Special Simpsons... the city of Springfield discovers the truth about Lisa Simpson-- She's a fanfic writer! Intent on saving their daughter, they send her to a special clinic meant to cure sick0-err ill people like herself. She learns that the only good writing is non fiction or autobiographical drama.

This is why you keep short bits of Original fiction about that you can use as a diversionary tactic.

 

Did that actually happen? With the Simpsons you never know . . .

I'd throw romance in the list of 'good writing'. Heaven knows how many romance books I see in the bookstores and grocery stores . . .

And sci-fi and fantasy is derided by the 'mainstream', overexuberant activists try to have books like Harry Potter banned, and lovers of sci-fi/fantasy are dissed as 'geeks', 'nerds', and basement-dwelling losers'. Do that threefold and that's the public perception of fanfic writers.

 

I envy you people who have fanfic writing friends. I have one, but she's a Trekkie. *sits back as if this explains all * Although she likes Star Wars, she's not nearly as big a fan as I am. I've never even been able to get her to read the Zahn books. I mostly write angsty oneshots, while she writes endless Picard/Crusher stories that never go anywhere. So after the first revelation--"Oh, you do it too! Wow! (blushes all around)"--we've never really talked about it.

I'm not dating, but if I was, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't tell him unless he brought it up and was a fan himself. It's like this: my best friends and family know, simply because when I wrote my very first fic and got actual replies I could not restrain that awful scream of excitement. So my whole family read it (outloud! *bangs head against desk*) and it leaked out to my friends. Arrrg. My poor, mainstream, conservative father was bewildered and a little apppalled, I think, i.e. how could a daughter of his grow up to do...that? My poor, mainstream, conservative friends don't care, but it was just another point racked up in my nerd-o-meter. I'm sincerely hoping they don't spread it around; at my tiny, private school, politics are everything. I wouldn't be able to do very much with Student Council if my student body didn't respect my leadership. My mom I convinced with a lot of big words that this is a worthwhile exercise in the art of writing. My sister loves what I write, and loves me unconditionally.

So: do I wish I'd never told? Maybe I should have been quieter with that yell. Would I tell a bf? Probably not right away.

 

I told my closest guy friend at the time when I had first started writing, he thought it was cool and would ask me how my fics were going and how I was doing with my padawan, everytime I saw him. Found out that he liked me right before graduation...wish I could say that all went well and we're dating...but...no, now I'm still in search for that perfect guy that reads and writes fan fic...lol I know, but a girl can dream right? lol

 

This would be hard. Where I come from, there's a 89% chance that a woman would dump me hard if I told her I write fanfiction. I haven't been on a date yet, but I can imagine this would be a hard thing to do.

 

Ha, yes, same predicament. I've moved to 'The Valley", aka "The ass of Los Angeles". This is the birthplace of the high-maintainence woman, aka the vanity geek. Explaining that I write fanfiction to someone like that, no matter how lightly I break it, would be a disaster.

Then again, there *is* a reason that, were either of us to start dating a Valley Girl, my roommate and I have standing orders to shoot the other in the head, Old Yeller style. There are just some lines you don't cross, y'know?

Now, with normal girls, one has little to worry about. So long as you don't start acting like an idiot and begin gushing about it at unnecessary times, most girls are cool with the knowledge that they're dating someone who writes stories set in the Star Wars universe in his spare time. Some girls are more than cool with it, actually. But you'll never know that if you just keep it secret. That worst that happens is they dump ya.

But really, who here honestly wants to date someone who thinks that liking Star Wars is dumb? Seriously.

 

But really, who here honestly wants to date someone who thinks that liking Star Wars is dumb? Seriously.

Amen.

I haven't told my family yet - they think I'm weird enough - but some of my HS friends know. My geek friends absolutely know. They've heard me yelling at my computer enough times. It's much easier to tell a fellow geek because, let's face it, their hobbies are just as nerdy.

With someone you're dating, I don't know. Depends on the guy, I suppose. And it depends on how much you identify yourself as a fanficcer. For me, probably third date. First and second would be all about Indiana Jones.

 

Love this thread!

Honestly, when I date a boy or meet one I'm interested in, I make sure to ask him sooner or later whether he likes Star Wars.

My family and friends seem to have no problems with me writing fics, some of them are even reading my stuff.
Others from my class say that they'll read my fics eventually and one of my non-SW fan friend tried "Truce at Bakura". She didn't understand it though it was in German, but she did understand my fic, which is in English..... *shrugs*

I've figured writing fanfics isn't such a scary thing. Just make sure you aren't late when you've got a date because you were writing an update...

 

Seeing that it was my ex-girlfriend who started me down the fanfic path, I'd probably bring it up pretty early(within the first couple weeks) - although I'd have a hard time dating someone who isn't a geek herself. It's pretty much common knowledge that I write fanfic, anyway. Now if only there were an eligible fangirl in Central VA ...

 

Almost no one knows that I write fan fic -- except for several of my friends. My sisters and parents don't know, mostly because my dad would freak out if he knew that I was posting stories on an internet forum. He's weird that way.

I've had no problems with my friends when I told them that I wrote a lot of fan fic. One of them actually got very excited and started jumping up and down before tripping on a root (this was at camp). However, at the same time I'm also very secretive about what I right. I let almost no one see what I'm writing and try to come up with explanations for why someone shouldn't read the 130 paged word document on my computer.

I'm not dating yet, but chances are that the guy that I date will be accepting of my hobby. Or will more likely, he'll be a fan fic writer himself. You never know. But I'll probably bring it up sooner than later, just because I spend so much time writing.

 

All my friends know I write fanfic. I had one friend read some of it... and she promply told my other geeky friends when we were outside swimming at 2 AM in freezing temperatures...
Thankfully all my friends are geeky sci-fi fans and there is no shame in fanfic. I tell pretty much everyone I meet about this site (except my parents who don't know about my addiction) and I meet so many dedicated fans this way. Both boys that I've asked out are Star Wars fans too. Neither of them said yes... oh well, my timing was off.
For all of us fans who are unable to express our obsession, why don't we have a dating site for Star Wars fans?

 

If we had I'd have been married a long time ago.

 

Lets see if Leona or Mama Vader'll let us open a dating thread in fanfic ....

 

Here's another important question: in those "Beauty and the Geek" type shows, why are the geeks always male? Hello, some females might be geeks and might want to meet some brainless hot guys.

I'm sure that if some crafty entrepreneur started a SW dating site, there would be much money to reap.

 

My bf had never even seen a SW movie when I started dating him...so of course I got him up to speed on the whole 'original trilogy' thing, and then he saw the latest ones, and he was hooked!
He's not as obsessed as me, mind you...he doesn't read the books, and he's certainly not a member of TF.N...but he doesn't mind me spending my spare time pouring over fan fics and writing my own.

His reaction to my first fan fic was and "you're a geek." But he meant it in the nicest possible way.

 

There was one exception though and it was a while back. I was at 'The Valley' going to the premier of Attack of the Clones and in line, I saw two cute girls who loved Star Wars! My brother and I briefly talked to them in line. In the line, they were drawing Star Wars fanart( it looked wonderful). But the thing was, I actually saw women in an area somewhat near my location that loved Star Wars! My only regret is that I didn't ask for their number . But who knows, those two could very well be on this board and I don't know it.

 

And wouldn't it be wonderful if from this post today, you found them and ended up happily ever after?

My ambitions as a matchmaker would be realized! Oh. right. and it might be good for you too.

 

I suppose one of that this one of the scariest things I'd ever have to say to my boyfriend (if I ever find one day). But if I did have a boyfriend now, I think the conversation would go something like this:

Me: Sweetie, there's something important I have to tell you. You see, I'm a Star Wars fan, not your ordinary fan. No, I'm an Obidala 'shipper and have been since 1997 and if you can't tolerate that, then there's no way that this relationship can continue. Because I've met some mean Anakin/Padme trolls and they're down right cruel sometimes. If you can accept that I'm an Obidala 'shipper, then there's something else that you need to know about me.
Boyfriend: What?
Me: I write stories. Star Wars stories and occasionally, I dabble outside my fandom. I publish them on the internet in various forums and such under a pen name.
Boyfriend: What's your pen name?
Me: Seriously, I don't think I'm ready to tell my pen name yet but I thought that you should know.
Boyfriend: Okay.

In an ideal situation, the convo would go something like but I doubt that I'd really know what to say when it comes down to it.

~ aeryn

 

Hello, some females might be geeks and might want to meet some brainless hot guys.

How about a compromise: not totally brainless and not excessively hot? Just normal except for the Star Wars obsession?

 

I haven't quite told my boyfriend yet. He will probably figure it out soon, as he's a scifi/fantasy fan and knows I'm addicted to Star Wars. I don't think he would care all that much. Nice to meet people who actualy don't mind geekiness.