[HEALTH] Five Foods That Cause Anal Leakage

When a consumable makes it necessary to buy new underwear, you just know something ain?t right.

1.) Once You Pop, You Can?t Stop
Oleastra, a.k.a Olean, a.k.a ?Unwashable and Indestructible Ass Grease? is found in numerous ?light? and ?fat-free? potato chips. An indigestible molecule, it inhibits the absorption of vitamins and minerals causing abdominal cramping, loose stools, gas, and perhaps most notoriously?anal leakage. Yet, despite its infamous reputation, the Olean Web site reports that over five billion servings of the fart maker have been served ? and continue to be served. No wonder Pringles Fat Free Chips are in the same aisle as the adult diapers.

2.) Becky, Look at Her Butt (? did she sit on a piece of pizza?)
The diet drug Orlistat (Xenical) works much in the same way Olestra does?by blocking absorption of fat. But when you eat half a tub of fried chicken, the grease has to go somewhere; that somewhere is usually your underwear, or if you?re lucky, the toilet. According to the makers of Alli, the over-the-counter form of Orlistat, you may experience ?oily spotting? and ?loose stools? and may recognize the undigested fat in your toilet because it ?looks like the oil on top of a pizza.? We can?t say we weren?t warned ? but pizza? Why?d they have to go there?

3.) Hook, Line, and Stinker
Escolar, sometimes sold or served under the name Hawaiian walu, butterfish, and super white tuna, is a deliciously light and buttery fish with one small problem. It contains large amounts of gempylotoxin, a waxy ester that sometimes causes the consumer to have abdominal cramping, diarrhea, and a telltale orange oily mess that destroys undergarments and dignity. In 1992, the FDA advised against supplying the problematic fish, but the agency has since relaxed its provisions. Escolar (and a related species with similar consequences, oilfish) is available in restaurants. Since the fish doesn?t cause the negative ramifications for everyone, ordering it is like playing Russian roulette ? with your bowels.

4.) Too Good to Be Poo
Damned sugar-free candies. I was halfway through the bag before I read the warning (small, on the back, carefully worded): ?Consumption may cause stomach discomfort and/or a laxative effect.? This should really read: ?Consumption may cause your abdomen to extend as if volleyball had inserted itself there, and may cause a whining and hissing noise to emanate from bowels before a prolonged and painful bought of terrible flatulence.? Sure, sorbitol, and other sugar alcohols like xylitol and mannitol, may have fewer calories, but it?s not really worth it if you have to spend the rest of the day quarantined. A laxative in a candy?someone is having a really good laugh at my expense.

5.) The Juice Is Loose
Used for decades as a natural laxative, a tablespoon of mineral, castor, or jojoba oil will result in loose stools; a few tablespoons more and you?ve got yourself a problem. The indigestible oils may be cheaper than a bag of fat-free potato chips, but aren?t as much fun going down.

Perhaps the message from all these anal leaking ingredients is moderation?too much of a good thing really does come back to bite you in the ass.

[source]

I don't think I eat a whole lot of these, but the sugar free candy really surprised me!

 

Olestra.

 

Anything with Olean if I recall correctly.

WOW Chips lOl

 

All I saw was "Anal." Hi slimy.

Anyway, this reminds me of the time my oldest sister kept eating Weight Watchers (or was it Atkins?) chocolate and kept getting diarrhea. lolz

 

Pabst Blue Ribon

 

"... may cause High Blood Pressure (?), Impotence and Anal Leakage" - "I'm getting two out of three from this conversation alone"

 

Someone needs to invent mind bleach, immeditely.

 

Yeah, surprised more people don't know about the Sugar-Free candy.

The reason being is that, IIRC, they modify the sugar-alcohol in such a way that it's only like 5% absorbed by the intestines on the way down so you get the sweet taste but diabetics can eat it and not kill themselves. Since the sugar alcohol is then not absorbed, much like everything else on that list... it has to go somewhere.

 

Some of these I knew about, some of these I didn't.

[image=http://mfrost.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/05/29/the_more_you_know2.jpg]

 

I miss the WOW chips. I never had an... issue with them.

 

Or were you too drunk to notice?

 

There was a thread a couple months ago about some kids who ate a bunch of sorbitol sweetened candy and kept suffering the laxative effects or something. I don't remember the specifics.

Also I contest th accuracy of the statement that pringles are sold in the same aisle as adult diapers.

 

Does sausage cause anal leakage?

 

Hmm... that is a possibility.

 

teehee

 

Depends on how you are using it.

 

The sugar-free candy is true. Luckily I never ruined any underpants with it, but the gas was uncomfortable. No more of that; I'll stick with Altoids.

 

I knew sugar was good for you!

 

[image=http://www.wakemag.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/images62schlitz.jpg]

Better known as ****z

 

Sorbitol is ******* dangerous, man. So is maltitol, and pretty much anything else with -tol in the name.

I'm not diabetic, but my body doesn't deal with sugar very well, so my family does "helpful" things like giving me fake-sugar candy at Christmas.

Please. Don't.

 

Anything with Splenda in it gives me the runs something fierce. That stuff is like Drano.

 

Olestra yes I know its evil all too well. I made good friends with my bathroom after having some Fat Free Pringles.

 

I'm not into the whole anal leakage thing. I mostly stay away from those things... thankfully.

 

I found out the sugar free candy the hard way.

 

What is wrong with you that you would post this?