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Before - Legends Heavy Thoughts (JA--Obi-Wan, Aalto, OC) **COMPLETED 11.01.03**

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by JadeSolo, Oct 17, 2003.

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  1. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    HEAVY THOUGHTS

    Summary: A confrontation with Obi-Wan forces Aalto to come to finally come to terms with the death of his best friend, Bruck Chun.

    Timeframe: JA--first part just after the death of Xanatos, and the rest takes place about 4 years later

    Characters: Aalto Rierdan, Obi-Wan, OC Xeo Chione (Aalto's Master). Oh yeah, Qui-Gon has a couple of lines ;)

    Rating: PG. It's just angst, after all :p

    Disclaimer: Don't sue me, George. I need money to eat. And Dave Wolverton, yeah, you created Aalto, but you forgot to give him a last name! I saw the name "Rierdan" somewhere, but I couldn't remember who created it. So whoever you are, I'm sorry I used the last name you made for Aalto, but if it makes you feel any better, I really like it! :)

    I Own: Xeo Chione and...that's about it

    I stole the title from Linkin Park lyrics :cool: Stole the name "Xeo" from a Steven Pressfield book. Stole the poem below from Milton. Borrowed the concept of stealing from someone who steals.
     
  2. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    Bitter constraint, and sad occasion dear,
    Compels me to disturb your season due:
    For Lycidas is dead, dead ere his prime,
    Young Lycidas. And hath not left his peer?
    ?He must not float upon his wat?ry bier
    Unwept, and welter to the parching wind,
    Without the meed of some melodious tear.


    ?-?Lycidas?, John Milton



    PART I

    In the Room of a Thousand Fountains, a twelve-year-old boy stood at the edge of a large pool, watching gentle waves from an immense waterfall lap against water-polished stones. The soft, rhythmic slaps would have lulled most people into a sense of calm, but the boy's focus was drawn to the white foam that churned up from the base of the waterfall. The roiling, turbulent bubbles seemed to call to him, and Aalto Rierdan took satisfaction in the idea that even nature had its moments of anger.

    Just one week ago, Bruck Chun had been alive. And now, what felt like eons later, he was dead, killed by another Jedi.

    No, Aalto thought, his face twisting into a sneer. Obi-Wan Kenobi had left the Order. He was not a Jedi.

    The light-brown-haired boy had tried to forget his best friend's death, which hadn't been too hard the past week. The Council had been too caught up in repairing damages, settling the students back into their normal routines, and taking care of the Temple intruder.

    For the first few days, no one had bothered to offer any condolences. But when they started, they came like the waterfall, crashing down over his head and threatening to drown him in unwanted pity. Master Yoda's words had not helped at all?some drivel about anger, grief, and dark thoughts. The only person he thought genuinely cared was his master, who, on the day Bruck died, had laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, and had spoken volumes with nothing more than an understanding look.

    A faint presence brushed his senses, and Aalto turned away from the waterfall, his sea-green eyes scanning the foliage for the unwelcome company. When a padawan with reddish hair emerged from one of the paths, Aalto's clenched his fists and willed them to stay at his sides, momentarily taming the urge to beat Obi-Wan's face into an unrecognizable mess.

    Obi-Wan jerked to a halt, clearly startled to see Aalto there. He hesitated a moment as if deliberating whether or not to turn back. Finally, he gingerly made his way around the other boy to a spot near the pool's edge.

    Aalto watched as Obi-Wan took several slow, deep breaths, his own anger building as he wondered how this joke of a Jedi could calm himself so easily after what he had done.
    "What are you doing here? Gloating?" he growled, his nails digging into his palms.

    Obi-Wan's shifted slightly, and his blue-gray eyes seemed to have a hint of guilt in them. "I came here to meditate."

    "Of course," Aalto sneered. "Where else would you go but the scene of the crime? Makes it easier to reflect on the murder you committed."

    "I didn't murder Bruck," Obi-Wan stated quietly, carefully eyeing the other boy who was slowly approaching.

    "My best friend is dead because of you," Aalto said. "You murdered him, and they reward you by letting you stay in the Order. Master Jinn would've chosen Bruck if you hadn't waltzed back into the Temple, begging for a second chance."
    Obi-Wan resisted the urge to wince, knowing he was simply being baited. As Aalto came within a footstep's distance, Obi-Wan noticed that his eyes were red and slightly puffy and wondered if he'd been crying.

    "I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely. "I know how much it hurts you?"

    "Don't say that!" Aalto cried, raising his fists threateningly and causing Obi-Wan to take a step back.

    The snapping of twigs on the main footpath halted any further aggression as a young Devaronian padawan stepped forth, his gaze passing curiously between the boys before settling on Aalto. ?Your master asked me to get you. He?s waiting in the Nova Lounge.?

    ?I?ll be right there,? Aalto murmured, his sea-green eyes never leaving Obi-Wan.

    The Devaronian shifted uncomfortably. ?
     
  3. BuT_theGoat_toldme2

    BuT_theGoat_toldme2 Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Aug 8, 2003
    it's tops dude!
     
  4. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    :eek: You started a fic! Yeah! :D Excellent so far Mrs. deCrion. The emotions between the two boys made me tear up! :( Eagerly awaiting more! :)
     
  5. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    Great idea!
     
  6. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Great start. I liked that Aalto called Obi-Wan Murderer. Seemed very heart-felt!

    Keep going...
     
  7. Darth_Leia_6669

    Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 26, 2003
    I think I'll stuck around to see where this goes. ;) Looks good so far, and I'm guessing that it can only get better!

    --later--
    6669
     
  8. Xanatos_son_of_Crion

    Xanatos_son_of_Crion Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 27, 2003

    Hmm. I think I'll lurk around. I like it so far.
     
  9. Shaindl

    Shaindl Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Wonderful, Jade! I really liked the line about how even nature has its angry moments. I'm so glad you've decided to post something - your posts on other stories are always well-written and entertaining, and I'm sure that will translate beautifully to a story. Great job!

    Shaindl
     
  10. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    OMG! People are reading! [face_blush]

    Just wanted to say a few things quickly (look at me, so organized with my list :p ):

    1) I lied-there will be four posts, not three [face_blush] because I'm splitting Post #2.

    2) This will probably be updated once or twice a week, depending on how well I beat back Darth Homework, Darth Professor, Darth Midterms, Darth Sleep, Darth Extremely Annoying Alarm Clock, Darth Roommate who keeps singing an Elton John song with a Britney Spears voice (but she's still a nice girl), Darth I Need to write an article and I have no experts to quote, Darth I'm So Bad at writing lightsaber duels, and DRL in general :)

    3) I'll be back later with individual replies, but I'm at work and technically supposed to be polishing my latest assignment. But my bosses are in a meeting, so they probably think I'm working really hard right now ;) Plus, I was encouraged to "take my time." [face_devil]
     
  11. Ashes

    Ashes Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Oct 10, 2003
    Me gusta mucha madamoiselle DeCrion...
     
  12. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    saving this from the abyss that is page 2... :p Be back tonight :)
     
  13. CrystalKenobi

    CrystalKenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2003
    Excellent story plot. Look forward to more.
     
  14. Happy_Hobbit_Padawan

    Happy_Hobbit_Padawan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 3, 2003
    Hey, this looks interesting! Looking forward to see where you take this. :)
     
  15. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    So I sat down, ready to write responses, and we had a fire drill. And it was cold outside. And I found out my friend from Animation class lives six floors above me. And he's heard of Danville, IL (my hometown). What a day [face_plain]

    Goat [face_laugh] Thanks!

    obi_ew :eek: I can make you laugh and cry? I feel so...powerful [face_devil]

    PK :)

    diane Thank you!

    DL6669 I hope it lives up to your expectations!

    Xanatos Feel free to delurk anytime ;) And your sig is really funny.

    Shaindl [face_blush] Wow, compliments from a master!

    Ashes I didn't know phoenixes were multilingual ;)

    CK You'll see more tomorrow!

    HHP Thank you very much :)

    My first ever replies...ah, I shall treasure this moment forever :p I was going to put up a post, but considering how late it is, I figured all the old geezers *coughcoughOEcoughcough* ( [face_devil] ) would be sleeping now.

    Come to think of it, I'm tired :eek: So I'll save the post for tomorrow, and that way the kiddies can read it when they're supposed to be in class, and the grown-ups can read it when they're supposed to be working ;)
     
  16. Phoenix_Reborn

    Phoenix_Reborn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 23, 2003
    class whats that?

    *looks down and realizes she has four asignments due with in 2 hours...*
     
  17. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    Birdy You = Me yesterday :D

    This post is sort of blah. It's actually just a long-winded setup post. I'm not completely pleased with how it turned out, but even if the reward for writing a good lightsaber duel were a chance to meet Ewan, well...some other girl would be in heaven :p

    ~~~~~~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

    PART II
    Four Years Later


    In the long history of the Jedi Temple, sparring tournaments had always been a source of excitement. Young initiates practiced day and night, hoping to catch the eye of a potential master. Padawans worked to make their masters proud and to see how far their skills had come along during their apprenticeship. The masters simply watched the matches, even the most stoic of them struggling to hide a smile as their padawans displayed their talents.

    Finally, Obi-Wan thought as a pair of padawans bowed first to each other, then to the judges, and walked off laughing about the duel they had just finished. He himself had lost twice so far but had racked up quite a few points. All he had to do now was win his next match, and he would clinch first place.

    He had a bad feeling, though, that it wouldn?t be that easy.

    A tall gray-skinned Master, one of the judges, stepped forward to the center of the sparring mat, a small datapad in her hand. ?Next match, Kenobi and Rierdan. Prepare yourselves, please.?

    Oh, no.

    The bad feeling had landed full force.

    Standing at the diagonal opposite corner of the mat was a tall, lithe young man with light brown hair and hard eyes. Aalto Rierdan shot a cold look at Obi-Wan before turning his head to listen to a knight, a gray-furred Shistavanen.

    It had been four years since their last encounter, but Obi-Wan could still hear Aalto's voice, the accusation playing repeatedly in his mind like a soft chant.

    Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.

    Bruck's death had been a tragic accident, and only after a great deal of meditation had Obi-Wan finally been able to push aside his guilt and stop asking "What if?"

    Bruck had turned to the Dark Side. Bruck was helping Xanatos in destroying the Temple. Bruck would have killed Bant.

    But none of this had mattered to Aalto, whose eyes were spitting laser beams at Obi-Wan as both boys approached the center of the sparring mat. Both bowed deeply to each other, the traditional sign of respect, although Obi-Wan had a feeling Aalto's was not sincere. With a nod from the judges, they ignited and raised their lightsabers, the double snap-hiss hummmmmmmm silencing the audience.

    For three whole heartbeats, nothing happened.

    Aalto?s attack on the fourth caught Obi-Wan off guard.

    It was a vicious thrust, made more in anger than with any thought of strategy or technique. Obi-Wan fumbled a bit as he struggled to defend himself. Once he had regained his footing, he countered with his own strike, and the two began slashing away at each other, a dazzling display of skill and talent. Obi-Wan was the better swordsman, but Aalto had agility and incredible sure-footedness on his side. Aalto?s bronze blade buzzed loudly as it swung down toward Obi-Wan?s knees. Though Obi-Wan easily jumped clear in time, he barely avoided the next strike, a foot aimed toward his head.

    Two can play that game, he thought. He swiped back and then struck out with his own foot, the sole of his left nerf-hide boot connecting solidly with the other boy?s chest. With a pained gasp, Aalto stumbled back, his sea-green eyes blazing with fury and a hint of triumph.

    He's provoking me, Obi-Wan realized. And I'm giving in too easily.

    The two padawans slowly circled each other, each assessing his opponent. But rather than exploit any of Aalto's weaknesses, Obi-Wan hesitated, reluctant to break the lull. The opportunity to strike first was finally lost when a bronze-gold streak came hurtling straight for his neck, and for the next few minutes the fight switched from an elegant dance to a ridiculous travesty of a lightsaber battle. With each c
     
  18. Xanatos_son_of_Crion

    Xanatos_son_of_Crion Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 27, 2003

    I didn't think it was blah. I thought it was good.

    Pity that Aalto still hasn't forgiven Obi-Wan, even after four years.

     
  19. Shaindl

    Shaindl Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Jade,

    Just as he lets go of everything, it all comes crashing back on him. The description of a lightsabre sparring match was great - you have no need to worry!

    Can't wait for part three!

    Shaindl
     
  20. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    Excellent my dear! :D I do have one question however. Where's Jinn? :p Eagerly awaiting part 3!
     
  21. Darth_Leia_6669

    Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 26, 2003
    Nicely done! A blah set-up post? I think not! :D As far as living up to expectations, I don't think you have a thing to fear!

    --later--
    6669
     
  22. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    I don't call that a set up post. You had action and emotion. Great job!
     
  23. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Excellent, not blah at all. I liked how Aalto was using his anger and it got him nowhere but defeat. And poor Obi-Wan saddled again with guilt.

    Where's Qui-Gon in all this? He must be aware of Obi-Wan's problem...

    Looking forward to more...
     
  24. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    Oh, Qui-Gon's in there somewhere.

    *checks notes*

    Yep, he's got one whole line of dialogue! :D And he had a lot more to say in the first draft I wrote, but I cut it out because, well, what he thought wasn't important [face_devil]
     
  25. Xanatos_son_of_Crion

    Xanatos_son_of_Crion Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 27, 2003
    JadeSolo: Um, I feel kind of stupid for asking, but could you point out Qui-Gon's line? 'Cause, I didn't see it in there.


    ~Xanatos
     
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