Title: Hell Hath No Fury Author: Briannakin Timeframe: 22 ABY (Legacy canon) Characters: Luke Skywalker, Mara Jade Skywalker, Notes: Written for the L/M discussion thread Februrary challenge. The saying I got was: 9 - A man who has never made his wife angry is a failure in life. Thanks to everyone in the Fanfic Writer’s Desk who gave me suggestions. I didn’t want this evolving into a long-fic (though I certainly could have), so sorry if it feels a little rushed. I got another idea for this quote and I kinda want to write that one too. 22 ABY “Sorry I’m late guys,” Tycho Celchu said as he hurried towards the sabacc game in the corner of the dark hanger. Every few years many of the former members of Rogue Squadron and former members of the Rebellion liked to get together to play a few hands of high-stake sabacc when many of them were on the same planet. This time it was Coruscant. Tycho grabbed a stool and pulled up to the table. “Winter had a fit when she found out where I was going.” Wedge Antilles scoffed as he handed his friend a can of ale. “That’s what you get for telling your wife where you were headed. I save the yelling for if I lose any credits.” It was clear that the alcohol had been flowing for quite some time. Han rolled his eyes. “I’ve got nothing to lose. Leia is already pissed at me for something. She’s been giving the cold shoulder in bed lately. And when we do —” “That’s my twin sister,” Luke Skywalker interrupted his brother-in-law. “I don’t want to know any details of your sex life.” “At least he has one,” Wedge said, programming his bet into the computer embedded in the table. Ever since Myri has been born, Iella just has not been into it.” “That long, eh?” Gavin Darklighter said with a raised eyebrow. “And I thought I had it bad with Twulia. I put her good kitchen blades in the automatic washer the other day - I thought I was helping but noooo.” Wedge nodded. “We need to rename these get-togethers. Call it the ‘Our-Wives-Are-Pissed-At-Us’ club.” “Are all your wives seriously angry with you?” Luke asked. The other men looked at him strangely. “Gods, Skywalker,” Tycho huffed. “What has it been? Over two years since you married Mara?” Luke nodded. “And she hasn’t yelled at you for anything… since becoming married? The whole “I want to kill you” thing years ago doesn’t count.” “Well, we’ve had disagreements.” Han narrowed his eyes. “But you’ve never been in a shouting match over something really stupid.” “No, never.” “Has she ever said no to having sex?” Wedge asked. “No, we are very intimate,” When she’s around, Luke mentally added. “Ah,” Gavin said, “That’s it: the honeymoon hasn’t ended yet.” “Either that or Luke is just extremely whipped,” Tycho said with a grin. “I bet he gets whipped.” Gavin winked. “I wouldn’t mind getting whipped by Mara.” “Hey, that’s my wife!” Luke shouted. “And I am not whipped.” “Relax, Luke,” Tycho laughed. “But they are right,” Han said, poking Luke in the ribs. “A man who has never made his wife angry is a failure in life.” A few weeks later… Luke couldn’t help but smile widely as Mara disembarked from the Jade Shadow. Without words, he embraced her fiercely. They shared an intimate kiss. It was far too late to be awake, but she energized him. “I’ve missed you so much,” he mumbled into her ear. “You’ve been gone far too long.” “I know, and I’m sorry,” she said as they separated. He grabbed her bags and they entered the Jedi Academy. “Things just kept coming up and I couldn’t get away.” “Isn’t Shada supposed to be helping you?” “She is, and she’s great, but I’m not going to abandon her in the middle of 10 million things.” “Right. But isn’t she supposed to be replacing you?” “Yes, eventually. Look, Skywalker, I don’t want to fight tonight.” “Neither do I,” he said as they walked into their chambers. He put down her bag. “I just want to show my lovely wife how much I love her.” Mara screamed and then laughed when Luke picked her up. He carried her to bed. * * * Luke found himself absently playing with Mara’s hair as the sunrise danced across her porcelain skin. “What are you thinking, Farmboy?” she asked, even though her eyes were still closed. “Good morning, Mara,” he said with a smile. “I was just thinking about something Han, Gavin, Tycho and Wedge were bugging me about.” “Dare I ask?” Luke chuckled. “Well, according to them, either our honeymoon isn’t over or I’m just whipped.” “Well, you are whipped. But why did they say that?” “Because you’ve never been mad at me for something stupid. According to Han ‘a man who has never made his wife angry is a failure in life.’” Mara laughed. “Han just says that because Leia is always mad at him.” “True. But I can’t help but think maybe the honeymoon phase isn’t over. I mean, we never get to really see each other for more than a couple days.” “I know, but it’s going to change, soon, I swear. I booked a month off.” “When?” “For now. Today is my first day off.” “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have taken time off too. We could have done something special.” “I know, but I didn’t want you to. I want to see if I can start my Jedi training and be a normal wife without killing anyone, including you.” Luke kissed her. “You are going to love it, I promise. I know I will.” * * * DAY 1 Luke and Mara had spent most of the day together, as they normally did when they were reunited. Unfortunately a mild crisis meant Luke had to run to his office for a few hours. So Mara tidied up the appartment, making sure all the laundry scattered around the apartment was in the hamper, and beginning dinner. By the time Luke returned, dinner was in the warmer and Mara was on the couch reading the news on her data-pad. “Hey,” Luke said, shuffling off his boots. “What smells so good?” he asked as he took off his socks and unceremoniously chucked them down the hallway. “Dinner,” she replied. “Are you going to pick those up?” she said, nodding down the hallway. “Yeah, after I eat. I’m starving.” Mara rolled her eyes but followed her husband into the kitchen * * * DAY 2 Mara woke to an empty bed on the second day. It was odd, but she enjoyed stretching out. She then noticed the note on Luke’s pillow. Gone for a run… then I gotta teach classes. Join me if you want.. love you… Mara had this sudden urge to scrunch the piece of flimsy. She was in no grammar-trooper, but she HATED when people used eclipses for no apparent reason. Mara got out of the bed, tossed the flimsy in the garbage and stepped out into the hall. There, she nearly tripped over Luke’s socks. The same socks she had asked him to pick up last night. With a huff, Mara picked them up, stormed into the referesher and threw the smelly socks into the hamper. She went to plunk herself down on the referesher, and fell in. “Kriff Luke,” she growled. Luke had forgotten to put the seat down and Mara had forgotten to check in her anger. Luke, thankfully, had flushed. After doing her business, Mara ran herself a ripple bath. She let out a few calming breaths. “I can do this,” she said. “Luke was probably just in a hurry this morning.” Mara spent her day relaxing. “Why didn’t you join me today?” Luke asked as he came home. Once again he threw his socks down the hallway. Mara shrugged. “I woke up in a pretty crabby mood and tripped over your stupid socks. I figured it was from all the stress I had been under at work, so I took a day for me.” “Well,” Luke said, ignoring Mara’s hint about the socks and going into the kitchen. “If I’m not too busy tomorrow, we should work on some of your training.” * * * That night, Luke knew he had done something wrong when Mara told him that she “wasn’t in the mood for anything tonight.” * * * Day 7 Mara brought a tray of food down to Luke’s office. He was there, slaving over a data-pad. A civil war on Zchtek had all the senators in the sectors worried. Luke was trying to direct the Jedi peace treaties on Zchtek, while keep the other senators calm. “Hey,” she said, opening the door and setting the tray on his desk. “Oh, goodness, thank you,” he said, picking up the wrap and shoving it into his mouth. He continued to type with one hand. “How was your day?” “Good,” Mara replied, trying to ignore the mess Luke was making as he ate. “I’ve been learning so much just by wandering around here and sitting in on some of the classes.” “That’s great. I swear, as soon as this crisis is dealt with, I am all yours.” “It’s fine, Luke, I knew there would be many times like these when I married you. I’m a workaholic that married a workaholic.” She got up. “Don’t go,” he said. “I’m almost done and I haven’t seen you at all since you’ve come back.” “Alright,” she said, sitting back down. * * * That night, Mara laid awake as Luke snored. Normally Luke’s snoring wasn’t bad, except when he was extremely tired. Mara rubbed his shoulder for the fourth time. “Hon, please.” Luke snorted as he rolled over. “Yeah, sorry.” Yet the change did not help. Mara rolled out of bed, grabbed her pillow and went out onto the couch. * * * Day 8 Mara woke to Luke gently stroking her face. “Hey, I’m sorry. I snore really bad when I get really tired.” “Yeah. I’ve noticed,” Mara yawned. “Well, it’s still really early. Crawl back into bed. I’m going to try to get things finished up and I’ll be back.” Mara nodded and shuffled back to bed. * * * Mara was on the patio, meditating in the mid afternoon sun when she felt Luke approach. “Hey there, Farmboy. Did you save the galaxy?” she asked. “Only a sector,” he said, sitting down next to her. “But I got the next three weeks off.” “Can you do that?” “I talked to Kyle and Kam. I told them that even though I have been married to my wife for two years, we’ve hadn’t had the chance to be a normal married couple. So I took the time off.” Mara smiled. “Hopefully I don’t kill you.” * * * Day 9 Mara let out a small breath as she stared at the offending caff-cup and bowl in the sink. Was it really SO HARD for Luke to do two simple dishes from his breakfast before going for his run in the morning? * * * Day 10 Mara tried not to roll her eyes as Luke farted as they tried to meditate. “Sorry,” he mumbled, eyes still closed. “That nerf-bake you made last night just isn’t sitting well with me.” Mara clamped down on her thoughts. Why was his gas always her fault? * * * Day 12 For the dozenth time, Mara tripped over Luke’s dirty socks in the hallway. * * * Day 14 After six days of her and Luke spending all-day together, training in the Force, Mara wanted to murder her husband. She leaned against the sink in the ‘fresher. This was the only room in the apartment where she felt she could be alone. She swore, everywhere she went, Luke was right behind her, usually eating. Gods that man could eat. She leaned against the counter and tried to put on a smile. She just needed a few minutes to herself. She then looked to her right. There was a cup with remnants of hot-cocoa at the bottom. There was a knock at the door. “Mara, supper is ready.” “Okay. Be out in a moment,” she called back. After another few deep breaths, she left the refresher, and tripped over his socks. That was her breaking point. “Skywalker,” she fumed. “Pick up your kriffing stinky socks!” He looked up from the table. “Mara, is everything alright?” “No!” she shouted. “You annoy the hell out of me! You always leave your socks in the hallway. Your snoring is driving me insane. You ALWAYS LEAVE THE FRESHER SEAT UP! When you’re not at work you are ALWAYS right behind me. You eat everywhere. You leave dishes everywhere. You never do your breakfast dishes. AND GODS, YOUR FARTS STINK. I’ve put up with it all for two years because I always knew I would be leaving before it got on my nerves but the thought of spending two more weeks of you, let alone every day for the rest of my life, makes me want to kill you!” He laughed and she wanted to slap him. “What is so funny, Skywalker?” “Mara,” he said, calmly, walking to her. He took her hand. “Your angry with me. It’s okay. You are allowed to yell at me when I do something that annoys you. Please do, or else you explode and you are scary when you explode.” She took a deep breath. He continued. “Just because we are married, and have been for 2 years, doesn’t mean I’m not finding out new things about you that annoy me.” “Really? Like what?” “Yesterday, when I went to do laundry, I actually had to do multiple loads for your clothes.” “Well, not everyone can wear all black like you, dear, it would scare people if I walked around looking like a Sith.” “Okay, what about all the products in the sanisteam? I’m always knocking your bottles over in the morning and once one goes down, it knocks all the others down. And the fact that you leave hair in the drain is utterly disgusting.” “Then how come you’ve never brought any of this up?” Mara asked. “Well, like you, I always knew I would only have to deal with it for less than a week. I was going to bring up the laundry issue.” “Okay,” she said. “I’ll sort my laundry when I take it off if you’ll remember to put your socks in the hamper.” He nodded. “I can do that. One more thing that really bugs me: you never say “I love you’.” “I do so.” “No, you always reply when I say it. You never say it on your own.” “Skywalker, I said it when I married you and if it ever changes, you’ll be the first to know.” “Every time I pick up a dish or put down the ‘fresher seat, you have to tell me you love me.” “Doesn’t that seem kinda fake? I don’t love you for putting the ‘fresher seat down. Though it would be nice.” “Just try it. I love it when you tell me you love me,” he said, taking her hand. “I’ll do anything you ask if you precede it with ‘I love you, Skywalker’,” he said, mimicking her. She rolled her eyes. “Fine, but only because I love you, and you are doing the dishes tonight.” * * * Day 31 Mara was only vaguely aware when Luke got out of bed in the middle of the night to use the ‘fresher. She heard him close the lid and she smiled to herself. “I love you,” she murmured as he got back into bed. “I love you too,” he said, holding her close. “When do you leave tomorrow?” he asked. “I wanna know if I should begin our farewell now?” Mara rolled over in his embrace and muttered, “Don’t.” “What? ‘Don’t’ what?” “I don’t leave tomorrow. I lied. I didn’t get a month off. I told Karrde if I made it through a month here on Yavin without killing you that I wouldn’t be going back to work with him.” Luke laughed with delight as he held her even closer. “Yeah, well now you are stuck with me, so you better not make me mad.” “We’re an old married couple now. The honeymoon is over. It’s my job in life to make you angry.” “Fine then. It’s my job to kick you out on the couch,” she said, trying to push him out of bed. They both laughed as they began to wrestle and ended up on the floor together.