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Before - Legends Hello Sanity - 2010 Diary Challenge, musings of a cross-dressing female Revan. UPDATED 3/11

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Commander-DWH, Jan 1, 2010.

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  1. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 3, 2003
    Title: Hello Sanity
    Author: DWH
    Characters: Katryna Star (Revan), various KOTOR folk, probably some OCs.
    Timeframe: Just after the Mandalorian Wars, leading up to the events of KOTOR.
    Summary: In order to be taken more seriously Revan hid her gender identity. The results were not terribly to her liking.
    Notes: Written for the 2010 Dear Diary Challenge.

    Revan?s tactics may seem ruthless, but no one can deny that even when the rest of the Jedi Order hesitated, he drove forward to repel the menace of the Mandalorians. Truly, we should not think on him as a villain, but rather as the unlucky bastard who has to make the tough calls. And considering the enemy we were facing, he had little other choice. The powers that be willing, he ought to at least be able to lay down his saber for now.

    Today?s editorial was the last straw. I don?t know why it was this particular snippet that got to me; there?s nothing new in there that hasn?t been said a million times already. But I feel the need to make it clear somewhere, even if I can?t do so in public, that I never, ever told anyone that I am a man.

    Such a statement would be blatantly false, in any case. I was born female, raised as such, and intend to be so for the foreseeable future. Probably even a little beyond that.

    What a mess I?ve gotten myself into. It started out innocently enough. I wasn?t having much luck getting recruits, and Alek suggested it was because I was too soft. So I decided to ditch the feminine image, cut my hair, and wear more androgynous robes. Not long after that, I started obscuring my identity on recruiting trips. It was a notably more successful venture. Jedi who had barely given me a second glance were suddenly taking what I had more seriously. It was infuriating on many levels, but what was to be done? I couldn?t fight the Mandalorians on my own, and unless you have some sort of special gift, women still have to fight to be seen in the upper levels of the Jedi.

    I?m not even sure who first assumed I was a man anymore, but the impression has stuck. A small man, to be sure. Somewhat short, especially when standing next to Alek. But especially since I started wearing the mask, I?ve been stuck in this role that I?m too afraid to contradict. Not only would I risk being seen as something less, but the people might feel I have betrayed their trust by not correcting them. So I suppose I?m just stuck being a man.

    Everywhere except here, of course. In here, I am Katryna Star, more commonly known as Kat, and I am wholly a woman.

    Dammit, patriarchy. I never thought I?d have much of anything against you. Now look what you?ve done. All I wanted was for people to take me seriously, and I ended up with a gender change. Thankfully, it?s only in the public eye. I know who I am.

    I just wish I didn?t have to hide it.
     
  2. LittleMissNightsaber

    LittleMissNightsaber Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    May 2, 2009
    Out of curiosity, I journeyed from my usual place (Saga and Beyond) to here.
    I really wonder how Kat will handle this. I would hate being called a boy.
     
  3. writing_ivy

    writing_ivy Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Dec 29, 2009
    Hello :)

    I don't know much about the Mandalorian Wars/KOTOR, but I have read a few Revan stories before.

    I really enjoyed this and look forward to seeing where you're heading with it. :D
     
  4. ElvisTheCat

    ElvisTheCat Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Nov 6, 2009
    Aww, it's okay, Katryna. At least this way you get all the snarky dialogue options with Bastila.
     
  5. GlindaForJediCouncil

    GlindaForJediCouncil Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Nov 21, 2009
    I have never read anything as far back as Reven, but this looks really interesting, do you have a pm list? Put me on it please :)
     
  6. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    I REALLY thought that I had already posted in this thread! :oops: Anyway, you're off to a great start...as usual.

    I'd love to be on the PM list for this one! :D

    =D=
     
  7. moosemousse

    moosemousse CR Emeritus: FF-UK South star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 3, 2004
    Maybe I be added to the PM list? [face_batting]
     
  8. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2008
    This has the potential to be really amusing. Well done so far. Do add me to your PM list.
     
  9. emerald54

    emerald54 Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 4, 2007
    Coming from someone who's regularly mistaken for a boy, all I can say is more power to her. It's infuriating and it's hard not to be insulted by the bigotry that exists. The crossdressing would, unfortunately, explain the pronoun useage in KOTOR (As angry as it makes me at the thought.).

    If you've got a PM list, can I get on it?

    Emerald
     
  10. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 3, 2003
    Sorry for the long delay in getting things back up and running. Work got crazy and then I kind of fell over and slept for the better part of the last week. :p

    LittleMissNightsaber: Thanks for taking a chance an wandering out of your comfort zone! I hope you enjoy the story. :)

    writing_ivy: Well, this isn't a typical Revan story, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Thanks for reading!

    ElvisTheCat: Actually, she won't. That's one thing I love about this setup- mindwiped Revan will have even less of a reason to suspect her own identity.

    GlindaForJediCouncil: You may absolutely be on the PM list! Glad you enjoyed. :D

    MamaV: Heh, no worries. :p You're on the PM list, and thanks much!

    moosemousse: Most certainly!

    SoA: A little gender confusion now and then is always amusing. :p Added!

    emerald54: Yeah, and I really do want to play with that prejudice. I've never been happy that they declared Revan had to be a certain gender, and that of course they went with male. I like my Revan both ways. Still, this will be an interesting exploration, to be sure. As for the PM list, you're on it!

    Entry Two

    Observation of the day: ever since I donned the mask and cloak, I let my hair grow. It?s gotten a lot longer- stuff grows faster than I thought it would. I can almost braid it now. I admit, I?ve missed my long hair. It?s so much fun to play with, and was probably one of my better features. Vanity may be unbecoming of a Jedi, but I?m pretty sure the Masters at the Enclave would say that it?s the least of my problems.

    At least it?s one thing I can let go and not worry about. Even if I put my hood down, long hair is not uncommon among the men in the Order. My chest, on the other hand... I?d just like to say that binding hurts, and taking off my armour at the end of the day is possibly the best feeling in the galaxy. My chestplate may be loose, but it?s not that loose. The compression vest doesn?t flatten me out completely, but it does enough. Still, it?s hard on my back and sometimes it feels like I can barely breathe in the silly thing. Taking it off is glorious, but it?s a bizarre sensation, feeling as if your entire torso is expanding. I can practically feel my midsection slump. But by the time I get it off I don?t even care. Thank the Force for private chambers.

    Thankfully, the rest of the act isn?t so difficult. I?ve had to change the way I walk, but that was just a matter of training myself to move a little differently. I keep my voice a little lower, but it was pretty low to start with. And hey, if I ever catch a chill, my voice gets a little lower still. That said, maybe I should invest in one of those voice distorting devices. A little extra disguise never hurt anyone.
     
  11. emerald54

    emerald54 Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 4, 2007
    [face_blush] Hi Commander-DWH. Didn't even realize it was your story. Sorry.

    I?ve missed my long hair. It?s so much fun to play with, and was probably one of my better features. Vanity may be unbecoming of a Jedi, but I?m pretty sure the Masters at the Enclave would say that it?s the least of my problems.

    Oh Revan, I feel for you. I miss my hair every time I cut it. And ouch about the chestplate, makes me wince just thinking about it. She's got to have some serious commitment to that war to do that day in and day out. I don't think I could do that.

    You know, when you think about it, they declare most pick-a-gender characters male, don't they?
     
  12. moosemousse

    moosemousse CR Emeritus: FF-UK South star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 3, 2004
    I have friends who complain about similar things so I can understand what Revan is going through. Poor Revan, I want to give her a big hug. [:D]
     
  13. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Nicely done! I'm going to love this diary, I can tell. =D=
     
  14. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2008
    So she decided to run with it and go as far as a compression vest. That's dedication to her masquerade day in and day out.
     
  15. Raphire

    Raphire Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 19, 2008
    Lol. You are doing an amazing Job!

    Can't wait for the next post and please add me to the Pm list.
     
  16. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 3, 2003
    emerald54: No worries, it is a little off my well-beaten trail. :p And yeah, they declare almost every game character male. It's a little irritating. Thanks for reading!

    moosemousse: Revan could probably use a hug. :p Glad you enjoyed!

    VaderLVR64: Thanks much. :)

    SoA: Well, Revan is nothing if not dedicated.

    Raphire: Thanks for dropping by! Consider yourself added. :D

    Entry Three

    Would it look strange if I punched an officer in the face?

    One of my Generals, as it turns out, is a misogynist pig. I feel quite proud of myself for saying nothing, though the temptation to wipe the self-satisfied smirk off his face was strong. I don't even know how the subject came up. We were just going through the daily checklist this morning, and he decided it was a good time to mention that he wished that the women would leave the fighting to the men. Because you know, we womenfolk are so fragile.

    I did ask him what he thought of Jedi women. He was kind enough to concede that, with aid from the Force, a woman could overcome her natural shortcomings. I don't suppose he stopped to think that with aid from the Force, a woman could do several unpleasant things to him. Crush his lungs, drop him off a cliff, I even heard tales from the Great Sith War about Force-generated lightning.

    Okay, okay. I'm not resorting to any of these tactics, I promise. Much as I dislike the Council for sitting on their backsides and accomplishing nothing, they did teach me better than that. Besides, as his boss, I can find other ways to make his life miserable. Sometimes the methods even present themselves conveniently- as it happens, we're putting on a major offensive soon, and I'm going to need extra support. I found a delightful woman who is also a General, but she has been commissioned as such for a substantially longer time than he has. I spoke with her about the offensive, and I believe she is exactly the person to put him in his place.

    Seeing as, you know, I can't. Not nearly as effectively, anyway.

    Someday, when this war is over, I'm taking off this mask. I'll show the galaxy who I really am. Then maybe those like General Tarm will have to swallow their pride.
     
  17. Raphire

    Raphire Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 19, 2008
    Lol! That was really good! And sorry but I beat you to the story. So that's one less person you have to Pm this time!
     
  18. emerald54

    emerald54 Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 4, 2007
    I don't suppose he stopped to think that with aid from the Force, a woman could do several unpleasant things to him.

    After dealing with several coworkers, (read: sexist pigs) it's wonderful to hear Revan explaining exactly what I was dreaming I could do to them. General Tarm should meet Mara. Or Leia. If, that is, I could get awesome seating. Hold on, let me dream for a moment...

    Right, now that that is over, is this General the (female) Exile, or is she just a regular woman? Forn Dodonna, perhaps?

    Someday, when this war is over, I'm taking off this mask. I'll show the galaxy who I really am. Then maybe those like General Tarm will have to swallow their pride.

    Humm... Maybe Revan went to the Dark Side just so she could get away with, uh, her unique brand of discipline?

    Emerald
     
  19. moosemousse

    moosemousse CR Emeritus: FF-UK South star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 3, 2004
    Revan is a better woman than I then, I'd have found some excuse to punish him there and then. :p
     
  20. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Go Revan! I like her strategy. *thumbs up*

    You really are tackling some interesting gender issues here.
     
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