JCC Help Improve the Terrible English Language (it's terrible)

This is the opposite of grammar Nazi threads. Please propose your changes, amendments to the English language, which we all know to be an unpleasant and stupid tongue. But we can make it better!

I'd like to start with the word "beheading" in all its forms. It sounds like the person being "beheaded" is being bestowed an extra head. " No thanks, I already have one" is a great quip if someone offers to behead you.

and really, the head is the locus of identity and personality, so a person who's been "beheaded" hasn't had their head removed, they've had their body removed. The better word should be "decorporated" as in "decorporation is a particularly barbaric form of execution."

Proposal: remove the word "beheading" from the English language and replace it with "decorporation."

 

Bring back terminal negations. If "I know you not" is good enough for Willie Shakeandbake it's good enough for all of us.

 

Why do we need the letter C? S and K already provide those sounds.

also - why does the "?" appear at the end of a sentence , it's too late then.

 

I disagree. The word decorporation sounds too much like corporation in terms of business. Changing beheaded to that would just muddy the waters, and I think the word would more imply stealing someone’s large business than their head, given how that is a more common use of corporate. You know what I mean?

I think this is an interesting thread though!

 

Instead of "bullfrogs", we should call them chazzwazzers.

 

Replace English with French.

 

In the thread title ?

 

Also Ingsoc Newspeak is a lot more practical than people give it credit for. I'd like to see most of its conventions formally integrated into the language. Unironically obviously

 

Nah, the whole language. Half of it was stolen from us, but without a proper grammar.

 

I want to see our like buttons replaced with doubleplus good buttons.

 

or grandad.

 

No, no, "I grandad this post" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

 

IDK. The English language seems simple and straightforward to me.

The bandage was wound around the wound.
Farms produce produce.
The full dump had to refuse more refuse.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I do not object to this object.

 

So your proposal would be: every word in English has to have unique spelling and unique pronunciation.

Seconded!

I often wonder whether the Roman alphabet is obsolete. We could talk about replacing that too.

 

I think we should go with the Arabic alphabet, so we have a matched set with the numbers.

 

Get rid of the letter C: sekonded
Put question marks at the beginning of sentenses, so people know what's koming (¿or do you prefer a question mark braketing?) Either way: sekonded!

 

I think we should add noun compounding like in German, so we can create words like "theanguishofoncehavinglikedStarWarsbutnowknowingthatitisirredeemablybad."

 

Ah yes, die Einmalhabeichstarwarsgemochtaberjetztweißichdassesunwiderruflichschlimmistqual. I know it well.

 

Another thing! We need a gendered language like French or Spanish, only no pretending that inanimate objects have genders, because that's dumb. Instead, you use certain word endings to indicate what gender you are personally. You could have masculine, feminine, and various "other" flavors. No one would have to wear a pronoun button again!

Also, we need this letter: ß. I don't even know what it is, but it looks pretty sweet. We should bring back þ and ð too, on account of their sheer awesomeness.

 

Speak more like Yoda, we all should. A wonderful idea it is, wonderful idea.

 

I object.... my car is male. His name is Butch, after Butch Cassidy. Here's the story:

In 2016, a dear friend of mine was stranded and suicidal in Rock Springs, Wyoming. I drove eight hours to rescue him and bring him back to Colorado, so he could catch a plane back home (NC). My friend called me a "cowboy," for what I did. I did some research on Rock Springs, so that I could find resources for my friend, while he was waiting for me to get there, and I discovered that Robert LeRoy Parker (Butch Cassidy) used to live in Rock Springs, and worked as a butcher.... which is how he got the name 'Butch.' I found the whole adventure, my first real road trip in this vehicle, a fitting occasion to christen my car... and so I did--his name is Butch, and you can't take that away from me!

 

My current car doesn't have a name My old car was the TARDIS, because she was small and blue and bigger on the inside.

Also ships are girls, duh.

 

Well, okay. If a sentient being vouches for the gender of an inanimate object, then that's okay. FWIW, my car is a guy too. His name is Ellwood, because he's an old police car from Chicago. And because he hates Illinois Nazis.

 

We should definitely move to phonetic spelling which should help with the pronunciation. You'll be Rye-low Ken. I'll be Tea-Knee-Tie-Knee-Toe-Knee.

The duhv dohv into the bushes.

 

solowjownz