JCC Help Improve the Terrible English Language (it's terrible)

I would like there to be a hallucination mark that indicates things that could be happening in some other dimension, but aren’t happening here.

 

We need bigger full-stops. (look you can hardly see the bloody thing.)

 

Something like this:

 

You mean that isn't a common assumption already?

 

What a great idea

 

Why did someone feel the need to invent the semicolon? It's completely useless everywhere outside the realm of few programming languages.

 

I personaLy konsider it quite useful; I use it often wi phrases that are coNekted but not coNekted enough for a koMa to be suFicient, and of course in prograMing.

What about replasements for gh and ph? Just f is ok, right?

 

I need a verb that is a combination of "I like" and "I agree", to use when someone says something that is not only true but also good to hear, which needed to be said.

 

we need the semicolon for the winking emoji. at least that's what the founding fathers of language envisioned.

 

Hmm... I would say ligrE, but that sounds too much like you're lying about agrEing.

 

I use it all the time in reports intended for courts

 

I hear the courts take even longer to decide things than the Senate

 

Yes, it's terrible. In addition I am now not only afraid about getting colon cancer but also semi colon cancer.

 

Flammable and inflammable should not mean the same thing. I propose inflammable be redefined as "something not easily set aflame."

 

That's already covered by ininflammable

 

Okay, that's just silly

 

Positively insilliable.

 

No, that's just the original French, which doesn't have "flammable" as a word, only "inflammable"

 

Why did you think it had a Chapelle Ardente?

 

A semicolon is extremely useful for that situation when two sentences want to get married but keep their finances separate. Maybe we replace that semicolon with a little gold wedding ring. There's a civil union, but no one is giving up their identity or Independence.

The other semicolon separating list items that have internal commas - we just replace that with parentheticals. Each item on the list is enclosed by parenthetical. Simple. Elegant.

 

The semicolon and the point should be merged together forming a brand new punctuation mark called point.

Just use points.