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Saga Holdng Out Hope Obi-Wan, Ventress PT Challenge entry

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Valairy Scot, Feb 21, 2011.

  1. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Title: Holding Out Hope
    Author: Valairy_Scot
    Timeframe: Before the Saga, Saga
    Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Asajj Ventress, very minor Anakin Skywalker and Qui-Gon Jinn
    Genre: Challenge
    Keywords: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Asajj Ventress
    Summary: Sometimes hope requires a leap of faith
    Note: See winning entry [link=http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/31474368/p1/?6]here[/link]




    Holding out Hope



    It was the hand that Ventress remembered.

    ?Hey, there ? take my hand and I?ll pull you free. I will save you.?

    Yes, she remembered, both the hand and the eyes ? the latter with a twinkle in them, though it was in the midst of battle. A young boy, it had been, squatting beside the pile of bodies haphazardly stacked like an unkempt wood pile above her and reaching a hand to hers. Hers was red, she remembered, red and grimy. His, pale and untouched.

    She had almost believed him.

    ?Obi-Wan,? another voice rang out, an older voice, a note of warning and perhaps ? perhaps a note of fear.

    ?Sorry, but I?ll be back,? the boy whispered. ?I promise.?

    The next moment he was gone, jumping to his feet and twirling, his lightsaber held before him to block the blow that might have taken his life, had he not heeded the warning in time. The blow that took him away from a scared, bloody little girl?s side, leaving her underneath a pile of bodies.

    Bodies, whose life blood dripped into her face. Onto her hands. Their blood was on her hands, for she had killed some of them, but not in time. So much blood for a child?those who killed her parents before her eyes and died for their deed years ago. Those who killed Ky Naroc not so long ago and died, also, for their deeds.

    She was trapped in a coffin of her own making.

    She couldn?t move, couldn?t breathe, couldn?t die like this, a frightened and angry child of nine under a pile of those whom she had killed.

    ?Are you okay?? That cultured voice came close again, a whisper.

    ?Save me,? she whispered and slid a hand out. A hand grasped it, closed around it. Warm and comforting. Hope was in that hand. Life was in that hand.

    Blood was on that hand.

    Her blood and the blood of those she had killed.

    Now it was on his. This boy, not much older than her. Contaminated, this beacon of light in the darkness, by whom he reached to. She would be his downfall rather than he her salvation. To save him she would have to sacrifice herself.

    ?Go,? she croaked. ?I?ll be here when you finish?come back when it?s safe.?

    ?Are you sure?? This warrior boy sounded doubtful. ?I think my master can finish this without me.?

    ?Go!?

    After a moment?s hesitation, she heard his feet shuffle. He ducked down and stared into her eyes. ?When next you clasp my hand, know I will pull you to safety. I promise.?

    His voice was so young and sure. His eyes so warm and confident. His hands now so red like hers.

    ??kay.? The lie trembled from her lips. When she was sure he was gone, she found a burst of strength and slithered free from those who would entrap her even in their death. From those who thought to save her.

    From this Obi-Wan who so desperately wished to save not just the galaxy, but her.

    There was no salvation for those with blood on their hands. She would only bring them ? him - down with her.

    Because life had taught her that those who were good were weak. They died young. They died at the hands of others. They could not save others, for they could not even save themselves.

    Foolish, foolish men ? to think salvation was theirs to offer. Foolish, foolish boy ? to think his mere hand holding hers would cleanse her soul of the corruption already rotting her from the inside out.

    He had touched her and if he touched her again, he would die, too, still good, or live, rotting just like her.

    That offer of his hand had doomed him either way.

    She knew, because she could see the hand she had reached back with. It was not clean. She could see again his hand as
     
  2. obimom

    obimom Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 31, 2010
    This was beautifully written. Moving and emotional. You made me feel sympathy for Ventress sort of...if only she had taken his hand...maybe her life would have been different. =D=
     
  3. Luna_Nightshade

    Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 2006
    You do a great job of picking out Ventress's nuances--how she has both good and bad in her, and how much Obi-Wan wants to save her. Makes Ventress a real character. Great vignette.
     
  4. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Great insight in Ventress and a great entry for the challenge
     
  5. Gkilkenny

    Gkilkenny Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2004
    =D= Ventress, and Obi-Wan linked by blood and by a war that neither of them could win.

    Excellent.
     
  6. serendipityaey

    serendipityaey Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 24, 2004
    This is really so beautifully written, your best yet, and I absolutely love it. The theme is very profound and moving and you've captured both of them, their psyche's, perfectly. I can't tell you in words how great this piece of writing is. And it show's in perfect detail everything we love about Obi-Wan. On a bit of a side note, you've also captured Anakin, spot on, in only a few lines.


    [blockquote]?You go through me to reach him,? his eyes warned.

    ?I?ll go through hell to reach him,? her eyes flashed back.

    Reluctantly, Obi-Wan relight his lightsaber, his eyes for the moment sad.[/blockquote]

    Three great lines, for the three of them, love it. Great, great job.

     
  7. Master_Jaina1011

    Master_Jaina1011 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 20, 2002
    wow... that was a very insightful post.

    How Obi Wan can see the good and how Ventress sneers at that.

    Truly wonderful!!!
     
  8. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Obimom: if only she had taken his hand... If only, yes.

    Luna_Nightshade: Glad you liked it.

    Earlybird-obi-wan: Thanks.

    Gkilkenny: Thanks as well.

    Serendipityaey: This is really so beautifully written, your best yet, and I absolutely love it.[face_blush] Aw, thanks.@};-

    Master_Jaina: Many thanks
     
  9. Jade_Pilot

    Jade_Pilot Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2005
    Excellent! Great prose. You know these characters so well and your writing shows it.

    Bravo! =D=
     
  10. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Jade_Pilot: A belated thanks. I do feel that I know some of the characters very well. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who feels that way.
     
  11. chameleon_irony

    chameleon_irony Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jun 11, 2011
    Wow. This was beautifully written. Incredible tension and emotion. [face_hypnotized] Wonderful story!
     
  12. anakinfansince1983

    anakinfansince1983 Nightsister of Four Realms star 10 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Mar 4, 2011
    I don't know if I can add much to what the others have said. I definitely feel sorry for Ventress here. No young girl should have to see what she saw in your story. And Obi-Wan, always steady, always reaching out, always available--his hand outstretched, waiting patiently for her to take it. I can almost hear as "You must do what you feel is right, of course" here.

    I like the scene with Anakin as well. "You'll go through me to get him."

    Very well done. =D=
     
  13. Valairy Scot

    Valairy Scot Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 16, 2005
    Chameleon_irony: Thank you for the kind words and sorry I'm so late thanking you.

    anakinfansince1983: I truly believe many "lost folks" never received the offer of a helping hand OR never dared accept the one that was extended. I believe our canon Obi-Wan is one that would always extend his but never force the handclasp, hence his willingness to wait until Anakin was willing to confide in him.

    In canon, Anakin could not see the extended hand or feared to take it. That is the tragedy of Star Wars.